Sri Lanka’s Care System: Progress, Gaps, And Hope – Nimali Kumari

Sri Lanka’s Care System: Progress, Gaps, And Hope

What if turning 18 didn’t mean turning off support? We sit down with Nimmu, a powerhouse care leaver advocate from Sri Lanka, to map what’s changing, what still hurts, and how to build a system that puts children where they thrive—whether that’s family, kinship, or a short stay in residential care. With warmth and precision, Nimu explains Sri Lanka’s current landscape: most children live in Child Development Centres, foster care is in development, and adoption and kinship care remain key alternatives. She shares how things have improved—care plans, school access, and more respectful language—while spotlighting stubborn gaps like early exits at 15–16, patchy counselling, and the silent crisis of IDs and addresses that lock young adults out of services, votes, and formal work.

The conversation opens with a clear picture of Sri Lanka’s out-of-home care: most children live in Child Development Centres rather than foster care, with adoption and kinship care as alternatives. Nimmu, a formidable care leaver advocate, contrasts her experience from 15–20 years ago with the system today. She explains how many children still exit too early—sometimes at 15 or 16—when schooling stalls, and how preparation for independence has often been thin. Yet momentum is real: structured care plans, school access, and public understanding have improved, and there is a stronger refusal to use the word “orphan” when many children have living parents. The question shifts from “which setting?” to “which setting best meets this child’s needs now?”, anchoring the episode’s core message: the best place for a child is the place that offers safety, love, and stability, whether family, kinship, or temporary residential care.

A major advancement is Sri Lanka’s commitment to aftercare, including grants of two million rupees for eligible care leavers to buy land, rebuild, or secure housing. Nimmu celebrates this but flags equity gaps—older care leavers can miss out, and documentation barriers remain. IDs, birth records, and registered addresses are often incomplete, shutting people out of elections, services, and formal work. Psychological support has improved but can be episodic; counsellors arrive during crises, then disappear for months. Nimmu argues for preparation to start years before transition, with life skills, financial literacy, self-defence for girls, navigating public spaces, and consistent therapeutic support that also includes caregivers. You don’t need to be a therapist to be therapeutic, she notes; stable, kind, attentive adults heal, and trained “mothers” in centres can shift culture.

The heart of the episode is family strengthening. Nimmu believes institutionalisation should be a short, last-resort bridge, not a destination. She points to rising divorce and poverty as drivers of placement, arguing that targeted support—cash transfers, mediation, and practical aid—can keep more children at home. At school, younger teachers and peers are more inclusive, but stigma lingers when children are identified by their institution rather than their name. That language sticks and hurts. Healing requires identity, belonging, and dignity—starting with how we speak. Nimmu’s story shows how purpose transforms trauma: advocacy, education, and shared work turn pain into fuel for change, but not everyone carries that fire. Systems must hold those who cannot self-advocate with equal care.

Peer networks are the frontline. Nimmu co-founded Generation Never Give Up and Rise Together to connect hundreds of care leavers with jobs, legal support, hostel access, and higher education. Their next move is a transition home: a safe, non-stigmatising base where young people can work, study, return at night, and contribute to bills as they stabilise. The model recycles rent into the next person’s start, building solidarity and sustainability. Meanwhile, government discussions on documentation reform promise structural fixes long overdue. Globally, Nimmu is not alone. Care leavers are organising across regions, comparing policy wins and pitfalls, and raising a unified voice: don’t make children independent on a clock; make them ready with community, rights, and real options. The pathway forward is clear—invest early, keep families strong, professionalise caregiving, guarantee documents and housing, and treat care leavers as partners in policy, not passive recipients.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Secure Star podcast.

Nimmu: 0:05

They are giving 2 million per KR lever, so it means the thousand to the thousand KR levers to build a house or purchase a house. But I know that we are trying to do like uh decrease the number of the children’s uh child development centers in Sri Lanka, but I am pretty sure that it’s not going to be happening. I don’t want children to come into child development centers, and I just want to strengthen the family strengthening. Either it’s a family, either it’s a child development center, either it’s an adoption, or any other forms of like a post-op teachership. Where is the best place for the children? Children should be there. The counseling and psychological support only for the children who are living in CDC, also for the matrons, also for the caregivers should be there. So I’m happy as a careless in Sri Lanka, we are really strong and we are used to government level, we are used to like the private sectors, NGOs and INGs. So we are dealing with all of them. So they should be careful about that. The problems that we what we have faced, it will be not happened with them very soon.

Colby: 1:10

Hello and welcome to the Secure Star podcast. I’m Colby Pierce, and joining me for this episode is a leading care leaver voice in Sri Lanka. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands that I come to you from, the Ghana people of the Adelaide Plains, and acknowledge the continuing connection the living Ghana people feel to land, waters, culture, and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging. My guest this episode is Namali Kumari. Affectionately known as Nimu, Namali is a carelever from Sri Lanka who spent over a decade in institutional care. She holds a degree in journalism, advertising and mass communication from NIILM University in India, along with additional qualifications in criminal investigation, psychology, and social sciences. She has worked as a skill photographer and costume designer for the Indian film Dreams in 2013. Namali has represented Sri Lanka as a speaker at numerous international conferences, including those focused on child protection and women’s rights in Nepal in 2017 and the Baikon International Conference in India in 2018 and 21, in Nepal in 2023, and in Malaysia this past year. Recently, Namali also spoke at the 35th Vice International Conference in Croatia in 2024. That same year, Namali was honoured as a young changemaker by the UN Ambassador and Neon Media. She is an active member of the Global Care Leavers Committee and a member of Care Leaders Council. She represented South Asian care leavers in the UN Resolution Focus Group in 2019. She completed a justice-based approach foundation course at United Edge in the USA in 2021. Since 2021, Namali has appeared on various TV programs discussing her life experiences and has become a social media influencer. Drawing on her lived experience, she is a passionate advocate for children’s rights and alternative care. Namali’s work focuses on reuniting orphaned children with their families and ensuring that they have access to education and employment opportunities. She worked for one of the largest NGOs, Savadaya, for 10 years and later for the Egyptian Embassy. Currently, she is employed at Their Future Together in both the UK and Sri Lanka. She is registered as an alternative family and foster care manager and leads the foster care program, ensuring that children grow up in safe, loving families. Inspired by her own 15 years in orphanages, Namali co-founded the Asia First Care Leavers Network, Generation Never Give Up, in 2017. She also co-founded and currently works as director of Rise Together Care Leavers Leading Network. Recently, Namali launched her autobiography, The Caged Girl, A Journey to Justice, which translates into Sinala as Dumburu Pathuk. Welcome Nimali.

Nimmu: 5:26

Thank you so much.

Colby: 5:28

I think a few times in there I ran out of breath. So such a long and impressive bio. I was very keen to present it all. But uh the longer they are, the greater the opportunity for me to get my tongue in the way and and mispronounce things. So fortunately I can edit some of that out. So Namali, you did ask me, you did say to me that you prefer to be called Nimu, and I’ll have to remember that. Apologies if I do call you Namali again through the through the podcast. But Nimu, you are my first guest on the Secure Start podcast from Sri Lanka. Um I’m wondering if in the first instance, if you could tell us a little bit about the out-of-home care system in Sri Lanka.

Nimmu: 6:20

Okay, thank you so much, and I’m really happy to be here. So I will directly go into the answer. So, what I really feel like uh the system aftercare of the children who are leaving of the children’s homes. So currently we have 3563 children’s homes in Sri Lanka, so more than 9,191 children are residents in there. So uh I was uh uh a child who uh I think uh before 20 years, I was a child in child development centers because we are calling child development centers, not the CCI, like a child care institution. We are calling as a CDC. So in our CDCs, there is a system like um we after we uh turn out to 18, that’s we have to live. Uh I think it’s the global things that’s happening. But uh when it comes to Sri Lanka perspective, like uh for in our 12th, grade 12th means it’s a 13 years after study, uh we will reach out to 19, our age will be 19. So there the CDCs, CCI, which you are expecting, like they are not asking us to leave. If we are studying, they are not asking us to leave, and until 19 or 20, uh, if we are studying, that we can stay there. So after care, like when we leave, sometimes it can be after 15 years, sometimes it can be after 18 years or 19 years, because the 15 years is the age that the Sri Lankan children who set for the first ordinary level examination. Most of the children who are get past marks, they can sit for the another advanced level examination. Those who can’t afford for get them higher marks for that education system, they must leave the CDC. Because they are not uh most of the children are not getting the second chance to appear, second appear, which I got, but some institutions they are not getting the chance to do. So it means like most of the time, the 15 years or 16 years or so the age that the children are leaving the childcare institution. So when it’s come to uh aftercare, so there is no actually when I was there, so there were no actually the proper system to go out and have like not proper preparation for them, like a psychological support or financial uh training, or it can be like any vocational training. So it was not happened earlier, but currently, which is happening, like it’s already happening here currently. But the thing was that when I was there, there were no much um awareness on that how we can how we should go outside and how we should uh like uh deal with the people in the society because we just depended when we were in the child development centers. So we are hoping that someone will take care of us after we go out of the care. So it was the earlier system that uh children you must leave after 18 or after 19 or after 15 once they have done completed their education. So it can be the way that government is supporting to the uh youth, uh finding a job opportunities, or sometimes they used to get married, or sometimes they used to get like a vocational training, but where there are hostel facilities. The thing is that I was really wondering since that, like are they really going for their interesting because sometimes they like they would like to be uh become a uh a fashionable designer, but there will be uh courses uh only they are having the hostel facility, it’s gonna be the nurse, so they have to uh take out their dreams out and they should go there. So it’s something like that is happening, and uh the current time it’s uh we will speak in later, so it’s definitely changes, but the thing was that earlier it was like there were no proper system to go out, and that was the um aftercare uh aftercare things that what happened in Sri Lanka.

Colby: 10:12

Yeah, yeah. So you’ve got um the perspective of when you were in care um some years ago and and you you’re working in the care sector now. While you were speaking, I was just wondering was there a mix of development centers and foster care or foster home, or or was were children in care primarily in those development centers?

Nimmu: 10:37

Yeah, we we we have only this uh because we are not implementing foster care system now, it’s it’s still in Sri Lanka. So we have only child development centers, adaptation. So as an alternative, we have adoption and child development centers and the kinship care. So first is not still there, but uh currently it’s uh like in the on the process.

Colby: 10:56

In the process, yeah. And I I I nearly did the maths in my head and and gave it up pretty quickly. But um, what would you say is the kind of average number of children who are in each development center?

Nimmu: 11:12

Uh most of the time, some child development centers they have 22, 25.

Colby: 11:18

Yep.

Nimmu: 11:18

So we have the separation, like uh for girls there is separation, one for boys there’s a separation. So from these three, five, six uh children’s homes, there are 43 government-run child development centers. Others all are from the volunteer organization than NGOs.

Colby: 11:33

Yeah, yeah. And in the current system, what what do you think works well in Sri Lanka, the current out-of-home care system?

Nimmu: 11:44

Yeah, I’m so happy uh to share that uh uh as you know that uh the children who are leaving the child development centers, they really need the two uh place to stay. The housing issues, education support, and also the psychological support, uh, the financial support, these are the things that really uh want for the after care support as aftercare support. So, what currently uh the Sri Lankan government has taken uh forward to include the care leavers, we are calling as the carelivers. So include the care levers into their budget, and they have been taken forward to support the carelivers, like example, uh they are given two million per care lever, so it means the thousand to the thousand care levers to build a house or purchase a house or uh uh do uh uh like uh purchase a land or uh to rebuild their houses and all damages houses and all. So the government are paying two million rupees per car lever. So the system uh it’s going on, like the selecting the car leavers and uh uh getting the information of the carelivers that everything is currently happened, and also they are supporting for the children who are living in CDC uh the with the 5,000 Sri Lankan rupees, which goes direct to the uh child’s accounts, so it will be 2,000 for child’s account and 3,000 for their uh dairy expenses and all. So these things is currently happening, and also apart from that, uh the government is trying to implement an other alternative care options uh the other than the children’s going into the institutional care.

Colby: 13:18

I hope I heard you right. But did you say that the government that the government grant of 2 million rupees is that sufficient to buy a house or is it sufficient to um put down a deposit to buy a house as such?Nimmu: 13:36

Uh for me, like uh the children who like uh for the car leavers, uh they always try to uh uh have in their own homes. They they it’s something like to me also, I also want to have a kind of a home, my own house. So the car levers are really happy on that. And uh, but the thing is that we leave that uh work properly because there are systems like there are criteria that select in the car livers, like uh age uh 18 to 30, 18 to 40 years. But the thing was that I have heard like after even after 40 years, even 40 to 45 years, they don’t have any place to stay and all. So they are asking for that. Uh why we are not getting uh support and all. So I think that the equality is really uh not happening there.

Colby: 14:27

So we had a little bit of a technical issue there, but um, I was interested in the generosity of the Sri Lankan government to to offer those grants to carelivers that effectively give them an opportunity to have a have a home. And um I just wonder, Nimu, before we move on, um what what is the what’s it like for children growing up in the development centers there in Sri Lanka?

Nimmu: 14:58

Uh it’s totally different when I was the child development centers because it was almost 20 years back, the story, like more than 15 years. So uh the situation is uh really increasing uh with a positive way, to be honest, because uh uh the things that uh things and the uh most opportunities the children are getting in child development centers are uh getting increased. Like uh when we were in there, like there were no much proper awareness, or there were not uh kind of uh uh training or something, so it was not there much properly, but now they are have they are having kind of a care plan for the children, and there is there are also uh a lot of opportunities, the fun activities, and there are a lot of uh picnics going on. So uh all the people used to get understand about the children who are living in CDCs. To be honest, that when we were there, so most of the time people used to talk about like talk about us like uh orphan girls, orphan children, and all. But the word of orphan using in Sri Lanka, some people are using, but most of the people know that they are not the orphan. So these things are also uh differently in Sri Lanka, and apart from that, the children living in CCI, everyone is attending the schools and everyone is getting support for the education system, and those who are not uh ready to take forward the formal education, most of them are getting the informal education within the center until the court uh get the decision, until the court gives the decision to go them on out of the care out of the care. So these are the things that what’s going on uh currently in the CDC.

Colby: 16:39

You said that the children don’t identify uh or aren’t identified as being orphans any longer. Um what what do you think, how do you think that change is experienced by the children? How do they experience that?

Nimmu: 16:56

Yeah, you know, like uh with the uh like uh when there are a lot of group of children, group of friends of mine that uh sometimes if they call me as uh like my children’s home’s name, not with my name, but they are calling as a child that who are grow uh with our name of our institution. So that feels called and feel really painful, but at that time it was just uh just a word, but when we grow up, we that trauma is triggering, like we feel like oh they they didn’t talk about from my name, they just talk about with my institution name. So this is something really painful thing for the children who are living in centers, and also uh the most most probably what I can see the difference is like uh the current in the current situation in Sri Lanka, the most of the uh teachers in the schools are young, so uh most of the young group they’re really close with the children, so that means they are getting uh much uh closer to the children who are living in the CCI, and there is no any uh like a discrimination between the children who are coming out from coming from the home and coming from the CDCs. So, because of this case, uh the children are living happily in the school, but in somehow there there might be, and I know that there are a little bit of um things is happening, thing incidents is going happening, uh, that still uh the children are getting that name as often, sometimes because every children in the CDCs is not um uh well uh trying to well get well education because they are some most of the children they don’t like to get uh formal education, they want to go uh go outside and they want to earn money and they want to be in the independent. So and the thing is also as I mentioned that earlier when I was there, it was actually uh the orphan children was there, like there is no one to care, no visitation, no one to see. But currently 79% of uh children they have the parents, at least a single parent, at least one mother of parents. So they want to go outside not to be in the CDCs, and they they they feel like they have the family, but then why I am in the CDC? So they are not trying to get their education, they just want to escape from CDC and work and join with the family. So the main thing I think that that’s the things, and um the taking of the positive or negative the things that whatever the people are saying to the children in CDCs, it’s depend on their mentality, like the children’s mentality. Like uh the children who are actually totally open, they understood that yeah, yeah, that’s totally fine. Whatever they say, that’s totally fine. I’m okay, I’m okay. The children who are coming out, uh come into the system currently they know that they have parents and why I’m getting I should wear as uh like a bully as orphan. So this is a generation cap pose.

Colby: 19:54

When I was listening to you, I just thought, was thinking to myself how about how strong that uh pull to that that pull is or that tie is to to family for the children growing up and and how how much, you know, regardless I guess of the circumstances that led to them coming into a children’s development centre, in their heart they want to be back with family. Yeah. And do you think um do child do the children feel safe and uh well cared for and loved in the development centers these days, would you say?

Nimmu: 20:39

This is something uh difficult question because I grew up in three child development centers. The reason for that, like in my first child development centers, I have been uh named as the radical character in the center. So, with that case, uh sometimes I got uh rude uh uh behavior from the uh matron. But I know that because we used to meet the child development, various child development centers, uh friends together when it is World Children’s Day. So once a year, all the province uh children will be coming together, and so we used to share our experiences sometimes, like how we see our CDC, because we know that if we did something, so we will be transferred to the another side development center, so we should have keep connected with them. So we used to share our experience and all. So sometimes I heard that when my when it was my eighth time that I was heard that they have beaten sometimes, they used to do so much of work and they have to do do uh sometimes they are using for their personal things and all. So they have a lot of things is going on. But when it comes to children to get to know about their rights and they they get to know about their uh protection, they should uh what what what’s their rights and all? So they used to fight it out. So it’s uh become like uh some incidence has become uh uh the the decrease a decrease in the incidence. With the bad uh bad incidents. But currently there is a proper maintenance system. So but still, I’m saying that still there are some child development centers. The children are getting um badly treated. But most pro mostly, most of the children’s homes are going well and the treated well because now they are hiring the matrons, not the matrons, the mothers. So means like the love is the main thing to change the children’s life in child CDC. So I can go, I can definitely say there’s a both the side. The negative thing is happening, positive things also happening. So it’s everywhere is that, but the thing is that how much it’s affected the children’s mind.

Colby: 22:44

I do want to ask you about that in a moment, but I just wanted to confirm it’s my ob my observation listening to you that um there has been a lot of progress in with in terms of um um the experience of of children who are cared for in the development centers even over the last 15 years since you you were there.

Nimmu: 23:09

Yeah, that’s definitely true. It’s totally has been totally different. Like they to be honest, like example, uh when I was in CCI, it was the time that I have to be appear in the court so many times, the per year, at least two to three times. Even I have to try uh go with the police officers and with the prison bus and all, but now it’s already uh change, like they are having the video recording room, so there will be only one time uh they’re asking for the evidence, and then there are officially they have a vehicle to travel, uh uh take here and there with the children. So everything has been changed. That’s really fine because I uh as a person that who grew up in there, that I definitely want to see everything is growing up, not the things that uh should have same thing happen should not happen, but I was experienced.

Colby: 23:56

What what has driven that change, Nimu? What what has kind of um been some really uh influential factors in in driving this improvement in development centers?

Nimmu: 24:12

Yeah, to be honest, like uh the ex as I mentioned that the experience, what I have gained as a negative side, I’d never wanted to give it to the other, my other generation. That I know that we are trying to do like uh decrease the number of the children’s uh child development centers in Sri Lanka or in everywhere. I think everyone used to uh everyone is thinking on that, but I’m pretty sure that it’s not going to be happening like at least there will be at least there will be uh less number of children’s homes there, definitely, because we can’t totally uh get destroyed all the uh child development centers because uh there are a lot of children who really support those who need this kind of shelter because I either we get uh negative positive parts, or there are things that the children can be get educated within the centers, so it should be those who can’t really go for the uh kinship care or the adoption or um to the foster care or anywhere, so there should be a place to stay. So I think uh what I was interested mostly uh to protect the children who come into the child development centers because I don’t want children to come in into child development centers, and I just want to strengthen family strengthening because they everything is go coming and everything is happening within the family. So if we can strengthen families so we can do the awareness in the family, if we can support the family, it can be the financial, it can be the economics, it can be the uh like uh kind of uh uh so there can be various situations, like most probably in Sri Lanka now divorce cases has been increased. So the effect on the divorce case uh going to the children. So the par both the parents are not okay to take the child on their custody, so they are going to the child development center. So I think these incidents, this kind of topic that uh influenced me to go out and talk about these things. That yeah, and uh as Asian country, you know that we are very close to the family members, like the parents and all. We culturally we are connected to each other. So the most touched part is that if we can touch the heart of the parents, that it can be uh they can be together as a family. So, what I am doing currently as in getting to that, and I’m currently doing the the things that I feel like this is the best thing that doing the awareness and talking about my stories and sharing my stories, and then asking them not to send child into the child development center. Keep as much as you can with yourself.

Colby: 26:46

Yeah. If I can summarize, um advocacy by people like yourself has has been a real driver for change. You’ve been advocating for maintaining family connection and strengthening families. The preference is not for children to go into development centres, but the reality is that there will always be children who uh need to be in a development centre. Yeah. There will always need to be development centres. So I guess the challenge is to um advocate for the best possible care while the young people are there in those development centres. There will always be children in a residential care environment, and what we need to do is one, recognize that for some children that is the best place for them to be for a period of time, and two, ensure that they have the best care possible while they’re there.

Nimmu: 27:48

That’s definitely true. I also feel like uh uh the either it’s a family, either it’s a child development center, either it’s an adoption, or any other forms of like a post-op kinship. Where is the best place for the children? Children should be there.

Colby: 28:04

Yep, absolutely. And and so the children’s placement should not be determined by what the system can manage. It it should be determined by what is what is in the best interest of the child. And we need so we need care options. The system or the out-of-home care system always needs options for children and young people. Another thing you mentioned in there was um talking about leaving care and issues around psychological support. This is something actually that I’m that is very close to my heart at the moment because I work uh primarily as a psychotherapist with children and young people, most of whom are in out-of-home care. And each year some of them turn 18 and leave care. And so that support that they had that was funded by the local child protection authorities for me to work with them comes to an end, and we have to find other avenues to maintain that support, um, which aren’t not always the same. So I think I was just wondering, you you raised it in in Sri Lanka. What would you say is the kind of cycle the psychological support or psychosocial support that is on offer to children in care? And then what what does happen to them when to that when they do transition from care?

Nimmu: 29:38

Yeah, uh, this is something really important thing because uh uh the either they are tour children in the child development centers, their psychologically, their mentally, they are totally different for each one to each other. So within this uh period of time when they are in CCI, uh CDCs, and uh they they are getting counselor support, like uh where but the thing is that is that really on time because sometimes when they get aggressive, they used to call for the counselor, and that time they will be uh that uh time uh very comfort level to her, but after that, might be in the two to three months or four four months, they come visit and again. So I don’t know uh is that the the uh uh best things to do the counseling for the children because every children is coming from the traumatic family, some because some most most of the some sometimes can be the domestic violence family and also their aggressive behavior because of that case. So it’s not should be the counseling and psychological support only for the children who are living in CDC, also for the matrons, also for the caregivers should be there. Other than like like I think like um if we only give the psychological support to the children who are living in CDCs, uh it’s not going to be work. So when it comes to the uh aftercare, like uh leaving the care of the children, so if you if they are not prepared, like the mental is not prepared uh to go out, most of the children they are not prepared. Look at like when you are in the 15 years of your age, you are celebrating your birthday very uh happy, might be very happy. But the children who are living in CDCs, when they come to 15, they are just thinking that not their birthday to where I will go after three years, where I will go after one year. So that’s the starting point of their uh mentality going down. I feel like at the age of 15, there should be psychological support, there should be mentally prepared them already to go outside. And I think it’s not wait until the 15 years of old, but the counselor or psycho psychiatric or psychological support can give before the 15 years, and they there can be start the preparation for the children to go out, so then they know that how to uh deal with the people, how to stay in their by own their own feet, and they know how to uh deal with any kind of people and everything. So I have seen some organizations in Sri Lanka kind of emerge or so. They are little kind of organizations that they are giving support, especially uh the self-defense, as to the girls, especially. Because uh you know that when we go outside in the because when we even series, the children are not getting exposed to the outside society, especially for going on the bus, going into the market, going to the bank or anything. So without knowing anything, that when they go outside, so if someone is like jagging their in the bus, they got afraid, they are not raised their voice. But if they learn how to defend on that, so it will not uh make them uh like uh uncomfortable because even that small thing also uh can be effective to their mentality. So I think before go out, these all the children, there should be proper psychiatric support, psychiatric, uh even the mentality, make especially to make their mentality uh think that yes, I am now ready, I am okay to go outside. Uh, that’s the definite thing because you know, like most of the children who are going out of the care they don’t have proper birth certificate, they don’t have proper identification, they don’t have a proper place to stay. So there are a lot of things that should be prepared and go outside, otherwise, they are going to be definitely again going to be the uh helpless children.

Colby: 33:29

Yeah, so I I guess what I’m hearing is that um one important aspect of the out-of-home care sector that could be improved is is the psychological support for the children, uh including supporting their psychological readiness to transition from the CDCs into independence. And um I thought w when you were mentioning it earlier that you said something about that that reflected that um when they leave whatever support that was offered just comes to an end or or or um uh diminishes in some way. Is that was I right in understanding that that that that it’s not only that you have to move on from home and you and you and you’re moving on from formal education perhaps, um, but you’re also moving on and you’re you’re moving on from the ha the people that you’ve been living with, but you also uh move move on from or move away from mental health supports for that that help with the preparation for independence. Is that right?

Nimmu: 34:41

Yeah, to be honest, uh for me, like uh when I got uh uh failed in my first exam, attempt of my first attempt of my examination, I was thinking that then now I have to go wherever that they are uh they are telling, but it was not happened. They are asking me to do the repeat examination and then I do did it and I get the pass. So I think the best decision that they have taken is giving me second second chance. So it was a turning point. Then I was moving to the advanced level examination and then I got this scholarship to study in India. So until this period, that I was in the same time, I was happy many times in the courts. So it was really damaging my mind, like thinking that no matter that how much I studied, that I have to be in the court, I have to repeat my cases, which I was it’s really traumatic things. So I was not mentally uh totally uh like uh recover. To be honest, when I writing my um bio autobiography, it stood more than four years to write down because it was almost all the flashback is coming to my mind. So I I I was I wanted to get the psychological support for that while I’m writing this story. So you know that how much it’s hard to remind my childhood memories when I was in um my home, my own biological family. So I think what I got uh through the people that who are surrounding me, it’s uh not 100% the car leavers, to be honest, it’s the teachers most of the time, and also the people who are really um uh supporting me uh and supporting the children who are living in CC that those supporters give me the strength to go out. So, also I think uh my strength was uh especially getting through my uh flashback incidents. Whatever the bad things happen to me, I have taken it as a positive points to go out. So I’m sharing like this my stories to each and everyone. But the thing is that every girls who have this kind of strength they can go out, but those who can’t go out, those who can’t get this strength, who will be looking after them? So it’s better to be the voice for that those kind of voiceless children. So that’s why I think that uh I’m kind of I I I feel like I’m kind of a candle to me. So I’m burning myself, but I’m supporting for others. That’s something that I feel like about myself. But that’s totally fine because uh either I am uh psychologically not uh fully recovered or mentally full not fully recovered. That uh if something’s not happened to the child, same thing happened to me, that’s really something I can be fresh and I can be happy. So it’s make me heal uh when I see someone same uh someone uh going into different ways and they can find their life. So it’s something that I feel uh I’m getting healed to myself.

Colby: 37:47

Yeah, yeah. So um that’s lovely. What I what I’m hearing is that um part of the healing process for you has been purpose, has been the the purpose that you have in your life to uh advocate for and on behalf of other young people young people in care whose voice isn’t often heard. And when you see when you see good outcomes of that uh uh of that advocacy and that support, that that really boosts your own uh well-being. You mentioned earlier that you think that um not only should the children and young people receive support, but also the people who look after them, the teachers, the the the mums in the homes and so on. Um That’s it’s interesting. We’re not because I’ve sp over the last year I’ve spoken to um people from around the world who are involved in um um the provision of residential care for children and young people. And um one of the consistent themes is the need for um for therapeutic input or for input with the people who look after the children and who interact with them uh a lot. And some of that is is about just is about support. It’s also about um support for them, but it’s also about helping them to have a better understanding of the young people in their care and of how to uh care for them uh in the in the most therapeutic way. Just wondering if that that was what you were uh kind of uh suggesting or or or representing when you when you mention support, not only for the children, but also for the adults around them.

Nimmu: 39:48

Yeah, that’s true. Like for me, like I think like uh there should be uh children who so also must be ready to take this uh uh support from outside people because most of sometimes some children they’re really afraid to open up and they’re really afraid to talk about uh with the outside people, especially. Uh, because children who are in the centers they lost their trust with their own biological family members, so they are thinking about how to uh get how to believe other people. So I think um the people who are going into the CDC and the people who are really wanting to support uh with the psychological support of the children, I think they should understand the mind of the children, and before they should study the children’s and then they can uh reach out because most of the children are not uh going to uh hear everything, whatever the psychological support are given. So sometimes they might be they’re interested in getting kind of activities and they might be getting kind of uh I think video recording or something. They they they like to have kind of it’s kind of a cartoon type. There are a lot of ways. Uh so like example, like when I was um even the 25ers, uh, my uh one of my uh working places, they have me, they they thought that I want a psychiatric support because I used to get angry all the time. So they just sent me into the psychiatric, and she was asked that uh uh I wonder that you are really young, then uh how you why you are getting angry, and also then I told that I’m the one who’s uh really want to have this justice for each and everyone. So when there is injustice, I used to get angry, so that’s a normal thing. But uh psychiatric was asking me to get the treatment like tablets, taking tablets. So that’s not the thing that for me, like within the first day they asked if they ask him for the take the tablets, that’s time also I’m getting angry. So I think it’s better to understand and uh having kind of a uh pre uh getting pre-information about the children that before they go for the logical support. That’s really important thing, I think.

Colby: 41:54

Yeah, I think what you’re uh part of what you’re also saying, and which others have mentioned it before, is that um um you don’t have to well, in fact, one of my previous guests, Megan Corcran, said you don’t have to be a therapist to uh provide a therapeutic experience for a child.

Nimmu: 42:16

Most of the yeah, because most of the children who are leaving the CDC, they they are not 100% need of the psychological support. They really need the kind kindness, attention, and the love and care.

Colby: 42:27

Yeah.

Nimmu: 42:28

If you can give these four things, they’re definitely automatically they will be mentally healed.

Colby: 42:33

Yeah, yeah. Now I know a great passion of yours is is is the careless like yourself. Um, what what is what’s the current situation? Um, you’ve mentioned uh the grants, the grants that they get to to purchase land or purchase a house and kind of set themselves up. Um what what other support uh systems and organizations are in place for carelivers now in in Sri Lanka?

Nimmu: 43:03

Yeah, for the carelivers like uh myself from 2017, we started and co-founded this care leavers network of generation never gives us. So we are as the care levers, we are supporting for the carelivers uh to finding out uh job opportunities and we are giving the psychological support through and the legal support and higher education support and everything. We are just as a group, we are supporting. So we have in the GNG network more than 500 care levers already registered. And in the same time, on 2025, I have been um started and co-founded uh another care lever’s network, which is fully focused uh with the psych uh with the um job opportunities, finding the job opportunities for the care levers. That’s the same thing, and the trusted place and the hostel facilities and everything. So we are 15 children uh care leavers who came together and built up this network. Uh, and we are on the way, we are just calling each and every companies, and we are getting their Vacancies and we are just giving to the preparation department, and we are uh placed the child into the uh job opportunities after 18 or 19. So these are the things that as a carelavers, what we are doing. So apart from that, there are a few NGOs in Sri Lanka, few CSOs in Sri Lanka that they are taking the care of the children, so like caregivers, they are giving the facilities for the carelivers to stay there until they get independent and all. So we also have a kind of a uh plan to uh build a transistent uh home. It’s kind of a home, not a hostel, transistent hostel, like uh to stay there until they get find out uh the best place to go. Uh like uh once they are started their uh career, they can pay to their place where they are, and then we can uh spend that money to another child who comes coming into this uh coming out from the system. So we am planning kind of a build up the this transition home. So there will be facilitation for all the carelivers that it’s not kind of a against, it’s kind of a home for them. They can stay there and they can go for the work, they can go for the universities to the studies and everything, and they can come back because now they can think that oh now they are I have a place to come back. So they they can come there and while they are earning, they can pay for the light bills, the water bills, and electricity, everything they can pay by their safe, and in the same time, we are hoping to give the uh them IT knowledge and the uh reading skill and life skill and the yoga therapy. This everything we are just having kind of in our mind, and now we are having also so the proposals, these items, and we are making the proposal and we are trying to get with the funds, and then we will start this process also for the car levers. It’s for the car leavers from care levers. So, this is also something what we are doing. So, apart from that, yes, the government is now focusing on that the care levers support for the car leavers, especially. Uh, the uh they are going to address the about the documentation issues because most of the car levers they have probable age certificate other than national birth certificate. So, probable age certificate is there is a lot of blank, they don’t have any birthday, they have only the birth year, so which really affect the mentality of the child in in uh after the leave. Also, most of the care leavers they don’t have identity, like they don’t have vote to the uh like in the elections because uh they don’t have proper ID in the their identity car where they have put in address, they don’t have home to put in address. So these issues are also going to be addressed soon within the government system. Now there is a discussion is ongoing. So I’m happy as a care leavers in Sri Lanka, we are really strong and we are used to government level, we are used to in the uh like a private sectors in GOS and INGO. So we are dealing with all of them. Uh so we we expect that the children who are coming out of the system in recently in the after after 2010, yeah, uh I came as of 2010. So I think after 2010, when 2017, as we uh started this advocacy, I think it has changed a lot, and uh there are a lot to change, and also I feel like for most of the care levers uh really happy to support for each car leavers, each other leavers, not the national level, so international level also we are raised this sub-advocacy work, and we are getting support from the people and we seek continuous support because uh there are a lot of children who uh lost their education, higher education without the financial support. So, as a car lever, by myself, I used to have find uh so many donors and all, and I just give this uh child information, and they used to get uh appoint in the schools and uh sorry, education in the universities. So there are there are a lot of children who get support from me. It’s not actually my money because I’m not a kind of a person who rich with money, but I personally believe that I can support them with other people’s uh around me. So there are a lot of children who are studying in the university with our support. So I’m proud of that of that, and also I’m proud that as a careliver, so now there are a lot of carelivers come out and they are speaking about their rights and whatever they want. So it started with actually myself that I have been speaking about my whole story, so with through my autobiography and also through social media and the TV channels and everything. So people get to know about most of the people they don’t know that the children who are living in CDC should leave after 18 years. So the question what I was asking the uh uh interviewer, I was used to asked that either you ever ask your child to go out when they turn out 18. If not, why the children who are living in CDC should go out. I because they even they don’t have anyone to care. So if they go out, also there should be continuous support at least until they stand by their own feet. Because the children are uh like everyone is thinking that children are the future of their country. So it’s they should be careful about that. I think it’s happening now, and I think that there should be more more because we we always think that more is more we need, no. So I think uh it should be happened more and more, and I believe that the children who are coming out of the system, the problems that we what we have faced, it will be not happened to them very soon.

Colby: 49:28

That’s inspirational. And um as you were talking, I was just I was thinking about carelivers even here in my own local jurisdiction, and um um I do have some plans. I’m going to re um I’m not talking about them until uh after I’m a little bit further along, but um let’s just say I I’m similarly concerned in my own jurisdiction about certain aspects of of the ongoing care and support that that get lost when they turn 18. And as you as you say, we wouldn’t we don’t normally expect children to be independent, whether they’re in a Western country or an Asian country uh like there in Sri Lanka. We we we don’t expect our children to be out standing on their own two feet independently at 18, and especially when they when when they’ve had troubles in their life um uh as as they’ve grown up. So I tell you what, it sounds fantastic and uh like you’ve achieved a lot. And I guess there would be listeners to this podcast who would be thinking, if only we could get namali to come and advocate in our country, or or if only we could bottle what what she bottle up what she’s been able to uh achieve and uh and kind of have that here in in our country. So um there are examples around the world where carelaver support is really good, but there’s a lot of examples where it’s it’s not in so-called first world countries.

Nimmu: 51:12

Yeah, no, I I mean like that’s true because I used to meet um so many countries, care leavers, and we I we used to have a chat and we used to have kind of a cafe and we used to have a discussion about what’s ongoing in their country, what’s going on our country, so it’s can’t be Western or European or in the Asian. So we are coming together. So it’s really something like um I feel like the most of the care leavers in the all of the country, all of the like globally, now they are getting really strength to come out and talk about. I think the attitude is getting uh really positive because the change in the mind of the peoples, the attitude of the people is a really difficult thing, you know, every country is so. But I think that uh when coming not coming as a one person, it’s coming as a group, it’s really a lot of effect. So I think that as a global Kalivers, I I’m one of a member of the Global Calibur’s Committee and National Kalivers Committee. So we always talking about these issues and we are taking all uh this into the advocacy world. And now I feel like the topic is Kalivers is going uh beyond than other topics. So it’s really something really great thing because uh now people know that what system is happening, what’s not happening, and what should be done. But it’s really something really great that we care came out.

Colby: 52:28

Yeah. And and what what is happening is that um the voice of children who previously, children and young people who previously didn’t have a voice, is being heard. And it really takes um it takes people like you. I think you described yourself um as some something of a disruptor as you were growing up in in the home that you were in. Uh it takes someone like you, I think, who’s got a bit of a bit of drive and a bit of strength and even a bit of and and passion for fairness, for for the rights of of young people um who uses their voice to to um create change and be a change maker.

Nimmu: 53:13

So what’s definitely true?

Colby: 53:15

Yeah, yeah.

Nimmu: 53:16

I also just want to those people who really wanted to see about the what the system is doing and what’s really happened and what’s ongoing and how I became kind of an advocate, uh, they can definitely read my book, whatever I can fit in Amazon also, so people can read it out, and then they can really understand more and more that because uh there are a lot of things that what I didn’t speak out, but everything is in my book.

Colby: 53:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, and that was a deliberate plan for me. I I don’t I I didn’t want you to relive your your whole history here uh on the podcast, but yeah. Thanks. Thank you again, Nimu, for for coming on, and uh I look forward to hearing more uh in the years ahead about the accomplishments that you um that you have and and that your networks have in this in this space.

Nimmu: 54:11

Thank you so much for inviting me. So, because uh at last I want to say that um people like you that’s taking this kind of topic in out that’s really make different for without you knowing that you are making the so much of uh positive impact for the children who are leaving the child development centers. Because uh, if at least one single person who listened to you are one, so they will understand that what’s really going on. So that’s the things that we don’t want like a thousand or two thousand people to get involved, but at least a single person to get uh involved and move forward, that’s really important thing for us. So, thank you for taking us and thank you for giving that much honors for the car leavers uh to invite for your broadcast. It’s really mean to us, and I will be the only uh one person who is there today, but there are a lot of care leavers who stand there by their own feet and living very happily their life. So I I bit uh so I wish that all the car leavers will be definitely uh get healed from their traumatic life, and they will be definitely be happy and talk uh in front of Mike or in front of uh everyone is not should not talk in front of my by Mike, but within their life, they will be definitely happy with the people’s support like you. Thank you so much for inviting this podcast.

Colby: 55:33

Thank you.

More about Nimmu:

Affectionately known as Nimmu, Nimali is a care leaver from Sri Lanka who spent over a decade in institutional care. She holds a degree in Journalism, Advertising, and Mass Communication from NIILM University in India, along with additional qualifications in criminal investigation, psychology, and social sciences. She has worked as a still photographer and costume designer for the Indian film DREAMZ in 2013.

Nimali has represented Sri Lanka as a speaker at numerous international conferences, including  those focused on child protection and women’s rights in Nepal (2017), and the BICON International Conference in India in 2018 and 2021, in Nepal in 2023, and Malaysia in 2025. Recently, Nimali spoke at the 35th FICE International Conference in Croatia (2024).

In 2024, Nimali was honoured as a Young Change-Maker by the UN Ambassador and Neon Media. She is an active member of the Global Care Leavers Committee and member of the Care Leaders Council. She represented South Asian care leavers in the UN Resolution Focused Group (2019). She completed the Justice-Based Approach Foundation Course at United Edge, USA (2021).

Since 2021, Nimali has appeared on various TV programs discussing her life experiences and has become a social media influencer. Drawing from her lived experiences, she is a passionate advocate for children’s rights and alternative care. 

Nimali’s work focuses on reuniting orphaned children with their families and ensuring they have access to education and employment opportunities. She worked for one of the largest NGOs, Sarvodaya, for 10 years and later for the Egyptian Embassy. Currently, she is employed at Their Future Today in both the UK and Sri Lanka, is registered as an Alternative family and foster care manager, and leads the foster care program, ensuring that children grow up in safe, loving families.

Inspired by her own 15 years in orphanages, Nimali co-founded the Asian First Care Leavers 

Network, Generation Never Give Up, in 2017. She also cofounded and currently works as Director of Rise Together Care Leavers leading network. 

Nimali recently launched her autobiography ‘The Caged Girl: A Journey To justice’’ & 

‘’Dumburu Pathok ‘’ in Sinhala.

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Links:

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Podcast Blog Site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/
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Disclaimer:

Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast owner, Colby Pearce. Finally, all references to case examples are anonymised to the extent that the actual case could not be identified, or are fictional but based on real-life examples for illustrative purposes.

Making the conscious unconscious, with Peter Blake

Making the conscious unconscious

Children rarely tell us what hurts in plain words; they show us through behaviour, play, and the rhythms of relationship. This episode explores how to meet that communication with containment, curiosity, and care. Rather than rushing to fix behaviour, we look for the meaning beneath it—what the child felt, feared, or hoped—in order to respond rather than react. The conversation reframes therapy from an intellectual exercise into a lived, relational experience where safety, predictability, and sensitivity help the nervous system settle. We discuss why therapist confidence takes time, how to tolerate not-knowing, and why being relaxed in the room matters when a child isn’t.

A central theme is the interplay of inner and outer worlds: circumstances matter, but so does the lens through which a child experiences them. Drawing on attachment theory and Kleinian ideas, we consider early anxieties like fragmentation, persecutory fear, and depressive guilt, then translate them into practical guidance for parents and practitioners. Two pillars guide the work—understanding and management. Without understanding, consequences miss the mark; without management, insight doesn’t hold. We share “OTT”: Observe what happened, Think about meaning, Talk at the right moment and tone, so the child can digest feelings rather than be overwhelmed by them.

We also examine the “unrepressed unconscious”—experiences from infancy that were never conscious to begin with—showing up later in the body and relationships. This is where containment is vital: when a child explodes, our job is to stay steady, hold the feeling, and help it transform. Unconscious change often precedes conscious insight; right-brain-to-right-brain attunement does heavy lifting. Anecdotes reveal how seemingly small ruptures and repairs become deep corrective experiences. A mistimed ending or an abrupt absence can echo early loss, while a quick repair can rewrite an expectation of abandonment.

Play emerges as the engine room of therapy. Passion areas—games, music, sport, craft—carry rich unconscious meaning. Joining the child’s interests says “your mind matters,” which builds self-worth and trust. We offer ways to mark thinking without therapy-speak: notice striking words, name “your mind gave us that,” and flip worries into needs (“it’s important people are there”) to make feelings bearable. Parents can support by learning the child’s world, rewinding the day to find emotional triggers, and choosing moments when understanding can be heard after calm returns.

Finally, we look at endings. We listen for change in both worlds: fewer risky behaviours, more coherent play, stories that feature repair, and a steadier, more ordinary bond with the therapist. We also watch for self-abandonment—when gains are dismissed—and strengthen internal “good objects,” the parts that feel capable and lovable. Therapy aims at redundancy, where other relationships carry the holding. Throughout, the craft is to keep boundaries firm, curiosity open, and language simple, giving children a felt experience of being known that lingers long after sessions end.

You can listen to the podcast here:

You can watch here:

Transcript:

Hello and welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I think, because I think at a general level, and even if you work with children, a lot of people often don’t think, particularly small children, have a mind. If a child does something, you’re trying to sort of see what could be in their inner world that may have caused them to do that. 

What you’re trying to do as a worker, as a parent, as anyone, is to observe, is to think, and ultimately to talk. More recently, with all the infant research, all the early trauma research, and early relational trauma, there’s this whole area of the unrepressed unconscious. That baby doesn’t have any capacity to talk about it. 

It doesn’t have any capacity to think about it. It can’t play something out. Where does it go? What happens to that experience? Beyond services, real therapeutic change happens unconsciously. 

I’ve spent hours talking about surfing with a kid, and the different boards, the different waxes, the different fins, the different types of waves. That is therapy, and that is giving a sense of conscious to unconscious. I’m trying to deeply know you, and that’s the bottom line of all therapy.

Hello, and welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is an inspirational leader in Australia’s child and adolescent psychotherapy sector. Before I begin the podcast, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands that I come from, the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains, and acknowledge the continuing connection the living Kaurna people feel, as do all Aboriginal people in Australia, to land, waters, culture, and community. 

I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders past, present, and emerging. My guest this episode is Peter Blake. Peter is a clinical psychologist and Tavistock-trained child and adolescent psychotherapist. 

For 25 years, Peter worked in child and family teams in community health centres in England and Australia. For the last 25 years, he has worked in private practice in Sydney. He was the Foundation President of the Child Psychoanalytic Foundation, a charity based in Sydney. 

He is currently Director of the Institute of Child and Adolescent Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. This is a training body offering child and adolescent psychotherapy based in Sydney, but also offered online. Peter has lectured in a number of Australian universities and has given workshops to professionals across Australia. 

The third edition of his book, Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Making the Conscious Unconscious, is now used as a textbook in a number of different countries, and he has also contributed to numerous publications and journals. Welcome, Peter. Thank you. 

Thank you very much. And once again, I stumble a little bit in the reading of the bio, but through the wonders of our new technology, which helps all of us in so many ways, and perhaps it’s maligned at times, but it does allow conversations like this to happen and even conversations internationally to happen, and I think that’s good. And because I’m recording, I can edit out any particular missteps. 

It’s been quite a career. Peter, before we really get into it, is there anything that you’d like to add to your bio? No, I think that’s covered it. I think it’s quite frightening when I hear it, because I’ve been doing this for 50 years, and that feels lovely, because it’s been an absolute passion, and it’s not been a job in that sense. 

And I think probably the last 30 years, it took over 20 years to sort of feel confident enough that I can sort of do this work, and I think I remember when I first started in clinical psych, thinking, oh, in five years, I’ll be experienced enough that I’ll sort of be more relaxed about this, and I won’t have to follow this, this, and this. And that didn’t really happen, and I thought, well, maybe it’s 10 years, you know. So it’s taken a long time to feel relaxed enough, ultimately, just to work the way I work. 

And that’s been a combination of the different trainings I’ve had, the population of people in terms of client populations I’ve seen, colleagues I’ve had, certain books or papers that have influenced me. In my London training, you have to have your own analysis, that was five times a week. That’s been a mishmash, really, but I think it’s a bit sad, because now I’m in my mid-70s, and I feel quite comfortable and confident in what I do. 

And I think for people starting out, hang in there, because I think that it’s a really difficult area of work, but if you’re passionate about it, and ultimately, that’s the thing that’s going to be therapeutic, you know, people will get that. I think, yeah, you really, you pick up a point worth making, which is that you’ve got to feel relaxed in the work that you’re doing, especially when you’re working with people who are not often enough feeling relaxed within their own bodies. And I think we were talking a little bit before about different kind of concepts and constructs in psychoanalytic work, and mentioned containment. 

And I think in order to be an effective container, and we’ll talk a little bit about what that means, I think you need to be very comfortable in what you’re doing. And that takes time. And I don’t see it necessarily as a linear process, either. 

It has its ups and downs. Certainly, I’ve been doing it for 30 years. And certainly, there can be times when you’re aware of what you don’t know. 

Maybe that’s one of the things that comes from a long career, that wisdom to know what you don’t know. Yeah. I think, and more recently, I think the last 10, 15 years psychoanalysis, or psychodynamic way of working, certainly has changed a long way from cognitive, sort of the boards of cognitive insight and understanding, to much more about trying just to totally be in the experience. 

That’s a lot influenced by beyond and post-beyond on writers and authors. And then I think that’s been a huge shift for me. Because I think for 25 years, I was desperately trying to understand, and what does this mean, certainly with children and adolescents when they’re talking about TV shows or playing? What’s the symbolic meaning of all this sort of stuff? And trying to let that go, and really just allow yourself to be.

And I’m just picking up your point about sort of what you don’t know. And then there’s a lovely concept by a guy called Don Meltzer, a British analyst who no longer with us. But he has a very small paper called Expanding the Diameter of the Circle. 

And in many ways, that captures his idea of just trying to grow more and more. In other words, to not know too much. And in a way, the way I work is trying to pick up Antonino Ferro, an Italian therapist, analyst who works with children and adolescents. 

And he heavily emphasizes the importance of working in an unsaturated way. By that I mean, don’t think, oh, I know this, or this is what this means. And you tend to cut it off. 

Where you just stay open and open. You are expanding more and more. And then one of the aims of my work, really, with children and adolescents, is to help facilitate their mind growing, really.

And that’s been a big important shift for me. And I think beyond work, which is much more to do with how the mind works, rather than what is in the mind. They’re not totally unrelated, of course.

But I think that’s been a big shift in the analytic world. It’s been a revolution in that sense. So rather than the therapist sitting back there, this means this, or this and this, you’re much more relational. 

I think the Americans have helped there in relational, psychodynamic work. So, yes. So, if I can get that across to people that sort of don’t feel you have to know it all and be worried if you feel you do know it all.

Yeah. I mean, this was one of the prime motivators for me in starting this podcast, was really to be able to be a resource for early career professionals working in this sector. And to learn from the experience of people who’ve been doing it a long time. 

Because there is an acquired wisdom. And I think what you’re referring to there about being in the experience is very much central to the work that I, the psychotherapeutic work I do with children and young people. So it’s, as you say, it’s less about what you know about psychoanalytic theory and all the concepts and the constructs, and more about how you create a therapeutic space. 

And the way I think about it is how I am truly here in the moment with the child or young person, and creating a space where they experience themselves in the way that I am wanting them to, that is to achieve certain therapeutic goals or outcomes. I guess that’s what I understood I get from you and what you were saying there about changes that have occurred in analytic practice over these last years. I’ve even, for a long time, I’ve struggled with the idea of patient. 

I feel like all the child or adolescent are patient. I don’t like client. Person is probably the best term you can use. 

So there’s that sort of issue really of sort of not, Jessica Benjamin, and again American, the doer and the done to. It’s not as if, you know, that medical model of psychoanalysis, where it’s a sense of you’re analyzing the person as if you put them under the microscope, and you’ve seen this, and now you’re saying, oh, that’s what I’ve seen. So I don’t like the word analysis. 

I don’t know what else you call it, psycho being. And yet, I think, paradoxically, it is important to have some theoretical conceptual backdrop. So you just don’t like, because we’re talking about being open, but you’re so open it becomes infinite, and that’s black hole material. 

It’s so wide. And so there needs to be some level of structure and boundaries. There needs to be, I’ve always said there needs to be an organizing framework in your work. 

And for me, it’s always been attachment theory, first and foremost. And so in those moments of being with and mobilizing the relational connection to achieve certain outcomes, what those outcomes are in terms of the, what I understand to be from attachment theory, the inner world of the child, how they are experiencing themselves, how they’re experiencing other people, and how they’re experiencing their world. And for the population of children, I see a lot of the time that that’s not very positive, not in very positive or helpful ways. 

And that comes out in their behavior. But behavior change is a byproduct of therapeutic process. And we’re often drawn into expectations of others that we’re going to do something about the behavior where we kind of need to do something about the mind, the unconscious or subconscious of the child. 

I’m just wondering, psychoanalytic work very much focuses on the inner workings of the inner emotional world, the inner life of the child. What do you think that people who work with children in related sectors, primarily, what do you think are the things that they need to understand about the inner world of children and young people? I think, because I think at a general level, and if you work with children, a lot of people often don’t think, particularly small children, have a mind. They’re more or less, when they become about four or five and more verbal and able to say stuff and all this. 

And we now know from the neurological research, from, I think, the psychoanalytic research with infants and doing a lot of infant observation, there’s a lot of mindfulness in the very, very, very small baby. So I think a lot of people just don’t think about the child’s inner world. And as you rightly say, and I can see that the behavior is a combination of a complex interaction of the inner and the outer world. 

The outer world is terribly important, but the inner world is equally important, because it’s really how the child perceives and experiences that outer world that we’re trying to get to. Another way of putting that is, what are the internal glasses that that child is wearing? So X happens, one child might experience it this way, another child might experience it that way. So I think for people to, another way of doing it is just, and it’s easily said and done, but if you’re working with small children and adolescents, not, of course, you’re going to concentrate on the behavior, you know, that they just hit a little kid or they picked up their bowl of fruit or food and threw it across the room or whatever. 

Ultimately, it’s trying to get to what’s the meaning behind that? What sort of was going on inside the child’s mind that sort of produced that behavior? So there’s two things, and I say to parents, when I’m working with parents, that my work is fundamentally built on two pillars. One is understanding, that is, what the child was thinking or experiencing when it did that. So there’s understanding, which brings in the analytic, you know, what’s the child trying to communicate to you? And then the other pillar is management.

And unfortunately, I think in a lot of my training, there’s a lot of emphasis on understanding and reading the play of a child or the talk of an adolescent or whatever, but not enough on what to actually do with that. And I think there’s CPT people that can contribute to that. And I think one way or the other is a bit crazy, just to do management. 

And I say to parents, let’s say a child wetting their bed badly or something like that, you can read a book that says, this is what you can do. And that’s helpful. But that book won’t tell you what your little boy or girl is feeling when they’re doing that. 

So if you, and with my help, we can sit down and try and think what might be going on in their world, it helps you be a better manager as well. But they’re not unrelated, because there’s certainly some anxieties or fears or perceptions that need to be sort of sorted out for the management to be much more effective. So I think if you don’t get that inner world stuff, I’ll branch off quickly. 

I don’t know if you’ve spoken to other people, but my tapestry of training was very inclining. Melanie Klein was one of the earliest people to work with children. And Freud, Melanie Klein are the two big child psycholytic people. 

Anna Freud worked much more with the slightly older kids. She started at around five, six, seven. Klein was very interested in one, two, three-year-olds.

But to cut a long story short, a lot of people will argue Klein is too internal world orientated. And people like, you know, Bowlby and Winnicott, they’re trying to get much more of a mix of inner and outer worlds. But Klein, I think, has always helped me think.

Kleinian theory is mainly a theory of anxiety. So if the child is doing something, what are they anxious about? And I say to parents, you give me a child, I’ll give you anxieties. That’s the nature of the beast. 

We’re talking of these anxieties so powerful that they’re blocking development. And, you know, they’re overwhelming and the child’s cutting off or it’s bursting out in some sort of terrible behavior. To put it very briefly, Klein takes it further. 

And to some extent, I mean, I also very much bring in more and more attachment. And I think what I love about your podcasts is, you know, the secure start and then the lovely image of the roots of the tree. That’s where it all begins. 

So trying to get that inner world as settled as possible, and that brings all the neurological stuff and things like that, in those early two, three, one, two or three is crucial, absolutely crucial. If you can get that secure, then you’re building on a much, much stronger base. And clearly, we’re not just talking about children, adolescents, these things happen throughout life. 

So when you’re 72, there’ll still be an inner child and inner world there where you’ll have these expectations. And you’re still looking at the world through that perspective. The Klein idea is that she takes different levels of anxieties.

And I see this as a bit like attachment or other things, because this is the headline, you know, the child was left or there was a lot of inconsistency in their world. That is the headline. Klein takes it and says, well, let’s read the details behind that.

So it’s more speculative. That’s what a lot of people don’t like. It’s not as scientific.

But her work with children is sort of saying, in the earliest anxieties you’re going to experience, that inner world, and the worst is fragmentation and disintegration. You just feel absolutely chaotic, falling apart, don’t know left, right, what’s going on. That horrible, you know, falling forever, and there’s nothing to grip on to. 

Or adult patients, I’m a cork in the ocean, and it can go any which way, whatever, no anchor at all. That’s horrendous. She then talks about, you know, the baby initially needs, and the child needs that security and that binding, that holding, literally, you know, as a small baby. 

You don’t wrap up a small baby, they’ll go berserk. That needs to be done. And that needs to be done also in terms of predictability. 

All the attachment people say, you know, the secure attachment has to be very predictable, very consistent. So whatever you’re working with a child, in any long-term sense, they’re the basic things. You’ve got to be consistent, reliable, predictable, along with being sensitive to what they may be feeling. 

So for me, the headline might be, mother abandoned this child. When that happened, did the child feel they just fell apart? Or, and I use funny language here, she said, the next thing you can go through is a more paranoid, schizoid position. That is that the world is all bombarding, and the child is trying to sort out, these are good experiences, and these are the bad experiences. 

And trying to broadly say, good and bad in the world. And the main anxiety there is that the bad will hurt me. So my mother left because she’s a cruel, horrible, terrible mother. 

And that’s it. Or it can be that my mother left because there’s something wrong with me. I cried too much, or I ran around too much, or I disobeyed too much, or I knocked over things too much. 

She’s got a depressive anxiety. So the story is mother leaves, it’s because of something like it. Or it can be, the third one, is mother leaves, it’s because I wasn’t good enough, and my mom wanted to go somewhere else and be with a better kid than with me. 

So you’re talking a jealous rivalry, there’s three persons, the other, the mother would rather be with that than with me. So that’s how I see the inner world, in terms of what, and we all have those, they’re not as difficult, how strong is one of those or the other. So an example might be, a kid might come in and pick up a car, and I see there’s a little chip on the wheel, and say, I didn’t do that, I didn’t do that, no, no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. 

Whereas another kid might come in and say, oh, you’re giving me a chip on the car. You know, it’s a very different view of the world. And so if a child does something, you’re trying to sort of see what could be in their inner world that may have caused them to do that. 

I have a very close friend who just thinks there is stuff in the world, and the other thing is, if something terrible, trauma happens to them from, you know, from nought to seven, you know, they’re 26 now. What are you talking about? So I think that’s a worry that you, this whole developmental thing and not, because really adolescence starts in infancy, in that sense. I think what you’re referring to is that when behaviour occurs, and it’s challenging us in some way, people look for shortcuts. 

And the shortcut is, is there’s something that needs, something fundamentally wrong about the child, or wrong with the child that needs to be corrected. And it needs to be corrected through managing that behaviour through the way we respond. And though they may doubt the presence of a mind in a child, the process of engaging in some sort of corrective action, they would be assuming that the child will learn from that. 

And perhaps they also assume that their child will have done some thinking in response to that. And unfortunately, I think what they don’t understand is that the child who feels bad, thinks they’re bad, and acts bad, when the adult corrects that behaviour, they’re like, I knew it. I knew it. 

So what I, that’s the thing. And that’s the problem. I think we don’t, the shortcut there actually perpetuates the problem in many instances, or at least has the potential to do so. 

And I, what I’m hearing you saying is that what we need to do is think about the experience of the child, we need to think about what is going on in their inner world that gives rise to this behaviour. And if we’re going to behaviour manage, perhaps the first thing we need to do is respond to that, the what’s going on in their inner world, rather than just what would you use, you know, a punishment or in conventional behaviour management terms or star chart or a conditioning or reinforcement schedule. The management, as I understand it, and I’m hoping I’m on the same page as you, is the logical follow on from the understanding of where this behaviour comes from. 

Yeah, picking up a couple of your points, the shortcut, I think, is the carer getting overwhelmed. Got to do something here. And that very much relates to containment, because containment’s about when the baby is screaming, what does the earliest caregiver do? Now, if you had a baby, right, and even fathers feel this as well, mothers especially, it gets into you. 

And what do I do? Some mothers can be so overwhelmed, they’ll scream at the baby or they’ll run up and ruin themselves, it’s just overwhelming. So it’s trying to contain these very primitive anxieties, falling apartness that the baby is sort of experiencing. So as a worker, I think you’ve got to try to remain relatively calm when he’s just sort of thrown something at you or smashed something or whatever. 

So that idea of reacting. And there’s a big thing, I can talk a bit more about this later, but the whole idea you’re trying to respond, not to react. Respond brings in the very things you’re talking about.

What is this all about? What I talk to parents about is years ago, it was around the time when ADD and ADHD and ODD and all these. And parents were asked about it. So I think this thing called OTT, which is not over the top, I think. 

What you’re trying to do as a worker, as a parent, as anyone, is to observe, to think, and ultimately to talk. Can you do that? So one, you’ve got to, the O is you’ve observed something. Now, what you’ve said, something, the child erupted or been really cut off, and you just know that this isn’t quite normally what children do or that child does. 

So you’ve observed that. Something’s a bit off here. Then what is going on? What could be behind? What could be their thinking about that, doing that? Now, the reality is, when you observe, and I’m not suggesting if the kid hits his sister or whatever, then there should be, go to your room. 

That’s not off. And you’re there for five minutes or no TV or whatever the consequence is. There should be a consequence. 

There’s got to be a fence around the thing. That is not the time to sort of say, hit your sister. I think you hit your sister because you’ve been very jealous because she came home and showed that ribbon when she won the race, and you felt, you know, she’s getting a lot of attention. 

No. Your upset, their upset, manage it first, you know, but trying to be relatively calm, not in a retaliatory way. When you’ve cut, you try to think about it later because then you think, what’s going on there? And with children, often it can be what I call emotional indigestion. 

So it can appear to be out of the blue, they flare up. But there can be something happened earlier in the day or even an hour before, which may have upset them, but it wasn’t, they didn’t get an obvious reaction. But then some little thing will happen a bit later, whoosh, so it looks out of the blue.

So I get parents to rewind the day. Have they had a bad day at school? Was there a new teacher at school? Did the sister, or was the sister rushed to hospital or whatever? You know, did anything happen or in the playground or whatever? So trying to rewind that, I think that’s what they might have been upset by, that somehow or other they felt left out, let’s say it was that. When the child then comes back into the room, you observe, trying to think, the talking is the crucial bit.

You don’t then say to the child, look, I had to send you to your room because, you know, it was very unfair what you did to your sister. But I understand that you feel like your sister got a lot of attention when she came home with the gold cup from the swimming carnival or whatever. That is not the time to do it. 

You’ve got to calm down yourself. And you’ve got to sort of, when the child’s ready to hear it, now I have two adult sons now, they vary. For one of them, I might have had to wait 15 minutes to an hour before I could settle down and think they could hear what I think might have been behind it. 

For the other one, it could be two weeks. So your tone and how you talk about that, how you try to convey your understanding. And I say to parents, even if you can’t actually notice what it is, when you’ve calmed down, even just a general statement that, you know, when you hit your sister, I think you were feeling a lot of upset feelings then.

You don’t even tag it to because she won the thing or whatever. And the tone has to be, I’m thinking about this. If you say, you know, when you hit your sister, you’ve lost it.

Because I know this is another form of teaching and that’s a crucial thing. So I also advise parents not to then dwell on it or expect the child or adolescent to reply. You’re dropping this in the ocean. 

And you’re saying, you know, I think you were really upset when you sort of, you know, through the TV screen, that you must have felt really, really upset. Now, what are we going to have to suffer tonight? You’re not because a child, because they feel terrible about that. So as a teacher or a worker, if you can, that broad sort of thing to give to give a very personal, very simple everyday example, and I tend not to like to do that, because it sounds as if I’m this great parent. 

Believe me, I’ve blown off my chins as well. My son was four years old. His grandmother from South Africa had just visited for a month, had a lovely time with her. 

We had just taken her to the airport. She flew off. We’re driving back home. 

There’s a park nearby that has a little bike track. He stopped the car. He’s going on the bike track. 

He’s riding around the bike track. And as he’s riding around, he starts crying. And I said, well, here I am, I’m going to tell this to Matthew. 

What’s wrong, Matthew? Oh, the sun’s in my eyes. And I said, oh, that’s awful. The sun’s really bright. 

And maybe you’re a little bit sad that the granny has just left. And then he walked, and then he kept going on, on his bike. I seem like someone where I told a story, some of the parents I see will say, well, wear a hat. 

I mean, that’s an obvious connection. Those parents with a small child crying when that’s just gone. But that’s all I mean. 

This isn’t highfalutin stuff. It’s just ordinary stuff, knowing when the time and how to manage it. Yeah. 

You know, there’s so much in what you just said there that resonates with me, Peter. And I think about what you’re talking about is at the thinking that we do about the experience of our children, or the children that we are responsible for. And that we actually, often enough, we do that. 

There’s a particular developmental time where we do that a lot, which is when they can’t tell us what’s in their mind, what’s in their experience. There’s a cross-species example of when we do it, which is when we have conversations with our dogs about what we think is in their mind or in their, you know, or our cats or our birds or whatever. We all have a capacity to reflect, or nearly all of us, to think about the experience of another person and put that into words.

If you don’t have that capacity, it’s probably because you didn’t get it as a kid yourself. Really. Some people are drawing from an empty well.

So you need to fill that well too. I mean, yeah. And I think that that’s one of the crucial things about what you’re talking about, is that if children have experienced significant adversity in their early care environments, then they need this, I call it verbalising understanding, but it’s just saying what you think is going on in the head and the heart of the child. 

I call it inner software. Yeah. Inner software that they’re going to use for the rest of their life. 

Yeah, yeah. I blew up with my girlfriend and I was furious. I stalled away. 

What the hell’s going on with me? That’s what it’s trying to do. Yeah, sorry. No, no, no. 

I mean, I’m a talker too, but I need to not talk so much when I’m interviewing someone. I think to summarise it, I think we all have to, well, at least nearly all of us have that capacity to hold the child in mind. And that’s a really important tool that we have.

Tool. It’s a very important aspect of the way in which we approach relationships that supports the child feeling held and in mind and understood and acknowledged and validated and so forth. And really, if you can give them that, that is the most emotional, the greatest emotional gift you can give them throughout life, really. 

Because, you know, when they’re teenagers or with all this domestic violence and all things like that, I know it’s more than this. But, you know, at one level, when domestic violence and the man hits this woman or does something terrible, something has exploded out. It’s not been able to be processed. 

He might swear and slam the door, which we all do. But that’s different to it. It just it cannot be contained, processed, thought about. 

Yeah, yeah. I think so it kind of brings me to this notion of unconscious communication and tuning in. I wonder if you’d speak a little bit about you’ve used those words, I’m sure you’ve written about them. 

But we’re talking really about being sensitive to what the child is putting out, perhaps subconsciously or unconsciously. I do usually use the word unconscious, a subconscious rather than unconscious. But yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think there are lots of different levels. 

The other thing I’ll often now use is pre-conscious as well. So there are levels that you’ve got deep, deep. If you want to go Freudian and leave jargon, I think it’s a helpful thing for people to know. 

Because it’s only a relatively recent thing that this whole idea, Freud’s idea of the unconscious or subconscious is this sort of area where things have been unacceptable and they’ve been unacceptable. I shouldn’t feel this or whatever, and it’s pushed down and the lid’s put on it and that’s what then. And it’s called the dynamic unconscious because this is the idea it’s trying to break or will break through or needs to break through. 

So more recently with all the infant research, all the early trauma research and that early relational trauma, there’s this whole area of the unrepressed unconscious. So these are things that have never ever been conscious. So what happens when a one or 18 months old is sort of abused or abandoned or whatever? Or let’s say a nine, eight months old thing. 

That baby doesn’t have any capacity to talk about it. It doesn’t have any capacity to think about it. It can’t play something out. 

Where does it go? What happens to that experience? It’s experience. So that really is what we’re talking about, an unrepressed unconscious. It’s never been conscious. 

It’s never had. It was so early on that there was no mind in the infant to be able to process. The argument would be where that goes is it goes into your body, which picks up Freud’s first idea. 

The first ego is the body ego. We feel our things through our body. I mean, for many, many years, if I got stressed, I would get rash between my fingers. 

Absolutely. I’m just saying you ought to see my fingernails there. I’ve always thought of myself as a converter in the old conversion syndrome.

Yeah. But the other way I think it can come out is just sort of really in relational terms, where much later on, you may flare up about some little thing that your partner did, which really is this idea of, let’s say you felt abandoned or whatever. I’ll give you a personal example of that. 

I was in analysis for five times a week. We had to have that in London. My analyst had just announced, well, it was the last on a Friday, and he was having a two-week Christmas break. 

I consciously thought, great, I can sort of get up early in the morning, and all that. I didn’t consciously feel any sense of missing him, or how will I, or whatever. I went back to my girlfriend’s place, who is now my wife, and we were doing something, and we’re talking. 

She sort of turned away and looked, I think, something out the window, and I just went off. Don’t you? Why don’t you listen to me? You’re always ignoring me. You just disregard what I say. 

She actually said, I’m not your bloody analyst. It’s actually just linking a lot of feelings of me just being left, in a sense, not feeling upset at all about it, but at another level that pops out with something that I would have just maintained, but no, she was being very unreasonable, and she wasn’t looking at me. Without processing that, eventually I might say, well, stuff you, I’m not going to be your boyfriend, and break the relationship off, because you can’t, at times, recover from that horrible feeling. 

Even if you can’t get an answer of what it was, you get a sense there was something that was blowing up in me, that there was an overreaction, and I can’t really understand why I overreacted, but I do get it was an overreaction. So to answer your sort of sideways question, to answer your question of sort of unconscious to unconscious, I think, and Begon says this, real therapeutic change happens unconsciously. This idea of prefrontal understanding, and all that, I’ve seen too many people who’ve had years of therapy, and they’re as horrible people as they were when they began, and they can give great insights. 

I give the example of my own analysis, which was really six years, five times a week. I probably could give you four or five insights I got from that, but not much more. But when I look back, before I started that, I used to be an unbelievably fussy eater, and I’m talking sort of late 20s to mid-30s here, and my food was terrible. 

I only had peas, mashed potato, steak, or chicken, and that more than be it. I didn’t like any other stuff. I found at the end of analysis, I’m not conscious of it, I really enjoyed all food.

We never talked about that. How did that happen? There are these sort of unconsciously things that are going on. I think what happens in Alan Shore’s work, you know, Right Brain to Right Brain, and Neurology, we know that there’s all this amazing pre-conscious, subconscious, unconscious, to both parties that are going on.

That’s the important stuff, because it’s the right brain that carries all the emotional relational stuff in it, and that develops very early. So, there’s a lot in there. The things that I was picking up on, well, you mentioned making the conscious unconscious, and correct me if I’m wrong, but the interpretation that I had of that is about making this conscious experience of a relationship, an interaction, a therapeutic therapy, a therapy consultation. 

Making that experience be the subconscious or the unconscious guiding framework, working model, thinking about it from an attachment point of view. This goes back to what I was saying a little bit earlier, that the therapy is about creating a situation, a circumstance, an experience for our clients, but creating an experience for a child that influences the subconscious or the unconscious set of guiding beliefs or ideas and motivations, and Freud would say drives. Am I in the ballpark? You’re more than in the ballpark, because I think you’ve added another meaning to what I put there, and thank you for that, and that’s lovely. 

What I meant by it, what you just said makes total sense. I meant by it that I am particularly, and I want to write a second book on this, on play, and I’m meaning children, adolescents, but also adult play as well. Maybe I’ll just give you a very simple example. 

A little kid came in and he said, I hate my sister. She gets all the attention, and she gets all the best presents, and they always talk about her. They never talk about me.

It’s just not fair. Very articulate, very insightful. He starts playing, and then he gets two lions, no, two tigers. 

He gets two tigers on the table, and these tigers move around, and they start to face each other, and they face each other, and then he just puts them down and goes on to something else. Now, I would be feeling much better if this kid came in and didn’t say anything to his sister, and he’d say, a tiger there, and a smaller tiger there, or whatever, and they just start fighting, and one ripping the eyes out of the other one, and biting the skin, and pulling the tail off. Very primitive, emotional, filth things, you know. 

So that, it’s in the play, what Beyond would call in the dreaming, in the unconscious element of us, because Beyond turns the unconscious totally around. It’s a function of the personality. It’s not your topographic theory of, yeah, you’ve got conscious, pre-conscious, unconscious, not for Beyond. 

It’s always there. The way I put my glasses on will be affected by unconscious factors. It is continually, continually influencing us all the time, and so my passion about playing golf, if I’m really passionate about something, then that’s carrying a lot of emotional meaning.

That’s going to carry a lot of, you know, so really it’s in our play, and a child who’s fully involved in play, I don’t mean it, oh well, the tigers are fighting, but you know, this is passionately, you know, somatically experienced, and it’s felt real and alive, not intellectual, things like that. That sort of play is where the therapy happens. So if someone comes into you, and a kid’s talking about a computer game, and they’re passionate about it, and you get very interested in that, because that’s the unconscious factors are going to be influencing it massively. 

Quick example, parents breaking up, bouncing between both parents, he got obsessed with My Fair Lady, I don’t know if you know the thing, Eliza Doolittle, and it’s an old movie, but he’s talked about how unbelievably it was unfair, that this Eliza Doolittle, who lived as a flower girl, and sort of working class stuff, was then taken up to this posh, you know, big posh lady thing, but then they dropped her, and then she didn’t belong anywhere. She didn’t really belong there, and she couldn’t go back to being a flower girl, and he was screaming out to me, this idea, he just didn’t feel he belonged anywhere. That, to me, rather than me saying, now the question is, now you’re talking about My Fair Lady, I’m wondering if you really feel that between when you bounce around your parents, you feel a bit like that, you don’t really belong, I don’t do that anymore. 

That’s what I was trained to do, and really talking about the unfairness, the rage, the whatever, the not fitting in this of Eliza Doolittle, and the cruelty of these people that did this to her. That’s working much more in a projected, unconscious way, and I think that doesn’t have to go to the prefrontal cortex and whatever. If the kid then said to me, oh, it’s a bit like I feel, fine, that’s great. 

They feel that space, and they make the link. I’m not in a rush to make that link anymore. I’m with you on that, and children will often, I’ll write things, and children will say, I could have written that, or they’ll listen to music, and they’ll be really keen on me listening to this music and the lyrics, and I’ll say, you could have written that. 

That’s as much as I’ll say, you could have written that, and that reaction that you get when you know you’ve hit the nail on the head, so to speak, from the children, just on subconscious. I mean, can I just pick up on that one thing, because I think you’re raising an issue I wanted to talk about, particularly with workers, is how do you get into the play, particularly seeing adolescents or older children, because they might just want to talk about their computer games, or the girl wants to talk about Britney Spears or whoever it is, and it may be fast. Usually that’s music, movies, computer games, rarely will be subjects at school, things like that, sport. 

That’s what their passion, they’re really interested in that, that is their unconscious. Be very, very interested. So I say to parents, if your kid goes and plays a computer game, know what computer game it is. 

Sit there, either be a player with them, ask some questions about it, whatever, or if they’re going out with mates, know the names of those mates. Know that world, what they like and don’t like about them. That’s the therapy, really, and that’s another way of saying, I’m not just interested in you getting home by 11 o’clock, or you not getting expelled from school, I don’t want that to happen, that’s if I hate it, but I’m also interested in you and what you’re doing. 

If you like needlework, let’s say, or surfboard writing, I’ve spent hours talking about surfing with a kid, and the different boards, the different waxes, the different fins, the different types of waves. That is therapy. And that is giving a sense, a conscious to unconscious, I’m trying to deeply know you. 

And that’s the bottom line of all therapy. I agree, and I would particularly make the point, I’m not sure how you explain, because the reality is, you do get, we’re paying X amount of dollars for you to work with this child. We’re not paying for you to play with them. 

We’re not paying for you to pull apart computers and put them back together. That’s not what they’re here for. We’re not, come on, you’ve got to talk to your therapist about the troubles you’re having at school. 

You’re not here to play games. And I hear that all the time. I don’t always rebut it, but where I can, what I say is, and what was the experience of the child of that interaction? Yeah. 

How does, what do we, and from an attack, you know, we talked a little bit earlier, maybe before we started recording about having a guiding framework. My guiding framework says children who come to see me often enough feel that they are of little value, that they’re worthless, that they’re inadequate, that they’re useless, they can’t do things, they’re not competent. And that’s what lies behind a lot of their behaviour, the behaviours that people are bringing in. 

And I want them to leave every single interaction feeling good enough, competent, loved enough, you know, worthy enough. Every, that, as you say, that is the therapy. Just to jump on that, what you said, I think, and this is not my thing, one of my supervisors, Dan Avalos, emphasises this, and she’s worked a lot with autistic and as well as very traumatised and neglected children. 

But can you help me saying something? And let’s, just a very quick example, the sort of, a girl was playing with this plasticine and she said that it’s so, so smooth. And I was struck by the alliteration and the texture of the sound, but, you know, it was very rich. And this is partly Dan Avalos, who said, that’s a very interesting way of describing it. 

Your mind just said, your mind said, so, so smooth, it’s like the sound was smooth, and your mind gave us that. Or if you’re listening to a kid and they say something that’s a bit interesting, or you use a word, just say, that’s a very interesting thought you just had. Because Avalos would say, these kids have possibly never had, don’t even know they’ve got a mind, because they’ve never had a parent or a caregiver that’s been interested in their mind, might be interested in their behaviour and all that. 

So just that one, that’s very interesting. You’re interested in their interesting way of doing it. Your mind, and you can even say, if I say brain, I say mind, your mind gave us that. 

I’m actually splitting them a bit and saying, you and I are looking at you a bit. But that’s really, really interesting. The other quick thing that Avalos gave me is that, you know, if you’re ever talking about a worry, it’s often better to flip it around to a need. 

So the idea, a child is worried about sort of being separated and abandoned, rather than saying, it’s really, you get scared that, you know, there’ll be no one there. But it’s really important for people to be there. Yeah. 

And similarly, they’re scared of blowing up, rather than saying you get scared of being so angry. So it’s really important. Yeah, it is really important to feel you can stay calm.

You can flip any sort of worry. You’re not denying it. You’re trying to put it into a more normal need. 

And what you’re hearing, what they hear, is not people will be away, but it’s for someone to be there. So it’s an easier thing that makes it much more hearable. And a lot of my thing is, when you are going to talk, how do you talk about, you know, things that are hearable? And don’t speak therapy speak. 

Try to be as authentic and real a person as you can. Therapy speak, you run the risk of losing people that way. And I’ve always practiced on the basis that you need to keep people engaged. 

I mean, otherwise, you’re not able to do anything unless they’re engaged. A lot of what we’re talking about is what’s in the mind of the child or what’s in the mind of anyone, really. And the subconscious or unconscious. 

I have a particular way of talking about what it is. Because when people roll their eyes about, you know, like, let’s just focus on the behavior at hand, we can see rather than what the child doesn’t even know is in their mind, as such. I love your computer example. 

We’re not here to put the computer together. You putting the computer bits here or there is a wonderful symbolic example of putting him together or putting your relationship together. And to say, oh, that goes into that hole and that one connected up to that bit. 

That is working, what I was just saying, working unconsciously. You are working unconsciously, making the conscious. You’re helping that child dream. 

You’re helping them. Dreaming is really allowing your unconscious to sort of be influencing and shaping your conscious and your behavior. It’s continually there. 

So I would go to court and if anyone attacked you, saying they’re just playing with computers. Because I will say that, you know, if you videotape me, I’m seeing an adolescent, we virtually never talk about the issues at all. It’s fashion, it’s sport.

Why would they come? Why would they come to talk about those things? And I had never even thought of it as a metaphor, but it is also a metaphor for things that are not working, that they can work again. Metaphor is really important. Yeah, the symbolism of what we’re doing. 

And with the unconscious, I say to people, you know, these are the adults that roll their eyes a little bit about this. I say, right at this moment, your brain is aware of the sensation of the sock and that little annoying seam at the end of the sock against your big toe in your shoe. But you’re not. 

Yes, but you’re not. But after all, yeah, but you will, whether you will adjust your posture, you will adjust the way you walk, you will, your brain, the brain knows what the brain likes. I do use the word brain more than mind. 

And your brain will adjust in consideration of the experience of that big toe. But you won’t be aware of it. There’s so much. 

We’re aware of a fraction of what our brain is picking up on, a small fraction. And that’s, so that’s the unconscious. And to give a clinical example of that, that boy I was seeing who, when he was about one, mother was in hospital for about a month, had to be fostered for a month. 

And then after a month, mum came out and they started to live together again and whatever. So there was this trauma. It was a month and he was one. 

We’re in the therapy, I see these kids five times a week, which is pretty rare these days. And I would see him from seven o’clock in the morning till ten to eight every day. So one day I get there and I see my watch is 20 past seven. 

I say, it’s time to finish for today. 30 minutes early. He doesn’t blink or anything. 

He goes out. This is a kid who wouldn’t, I could never get through to at all, play or whatever. So he goes out and starts to go down the building. 

I go back into the room. I race after him, yell out, come back. It’s not part of the finish. 

So he comes back. He doesn’t talk about it. I don’t talk about it.

Forty years later, I get an email from someone and it’s him in another country saying to me, I’ve got a son 10 years old. I’m worried about him. Can you recommend, is there anyone in this country you could recommend who works like you work with me? Because I found it so helpful.

Now, I consider that case one of my biggest failures. I thought it was a total wipeout. Didn’t help him at all. 

I couldn’t do it at all. Now, I’m telling this story and it wasn’t my insight. It was someone in a group. 

She said, well, isn’t that what happened? She said, you just played out when you said unconscious to unconscious. I unconsciously did it. Why did I suddenly, abruptly kick him out very, very early? And that repeating, this history of his, where all of a sudden, there’s mommy, mommy’s gone. 

And for a one-year-old, a month is forever. But what was different with me is that I recognized and I ran and asked him, said, sorry, sorry, and immediately brought him back. Well, that didn’t happen with his mom. 

Totally unconscious to me. And it was like 30 years later, a student had to highlight that to me, that maybe that’s why so many years later, he sounded helpful. You just done that little bit of interaction. 

And that could have been so different. So that’s a very powerful, hopeful example of unconscious to unconscious, where nothing happened. Otherwise, I can’t think, how the hell did I help him? And yet he says, 40 years later, he remembers my name. 

He searches the Googles. Are you the Peter Blake that I saw? You know, it’s a pretty, my God. So a lot can happen. 

And so if you feel you’ve never really helped a kid, don’t wipe it off. Because you just don’t know. You just don’t know. 

And you may never know. That’s okay. Yeah, I don’t. 

People might say, people might say it comes across as arrogant. But as long as I have been a one good adult, you know, I think the thing about the one good adult research is that you need lots of one good adults, I think, for children. But I think as long as I have facilitated an experience for the child, that they experience themselves as good and capable and competent, that they experience me as being understanding, interested, responsive, trustworthy, then I don’t think of anything as being treatment failures. 

And in fact, some of the children, some, I do have the experience at times when other people involved with the children think that it would be better if they take the children to someone else, someone who will, maybe it’s a gender thing. It’s a gender thing. Maybe it’s just that they think my work is primarily with my therapeutic work with children who are under in state care and under guardianship.

So we’re talking about carers and social workers and caseworkers. So thinking, oh, you know, maybe we should just take them to someone who will address the behaviour as such. They invariably come back. 

Yeah. They invariably come back because, and I also have that experience of people contacting me years afterwards. But I just want to circle back to something earlier, because you talked about unrepressed experience. 

Most of my work is with children and young people who have experienced abuse and or neglect and they’re very early in their life and that unrepressed trauma. Yeah. I wonder if you’d be happy to talk a little bit more about that.

Yeah. Well, the difficulty of that is that sort of talking to them about it was not going to make sense, because in a sense, if it happened early on, it’s an early relational trauma, then it’s not, you know, there wasn’t a memory thing layer to put down, really, and hadn’t developed yet. So it’s an experience. 

So how do you work with that? The argument would be that for that, okay, this terrible trauma happened, you’d be hoping in the relationship with you, if you know them well enough or whatever, that some acting out of that, something is going to rupture or something’s going to happen in the relationship with you. And then you can feel that. You could then say, I wondered if that’s what the infant, when you were 18 months old, you know, might have happened.

And now not to think, oh, well, you know, but give it some form, give it some shape. So it can be actually experienced in the relationship, or they may be telling you a blow-up in an outside relationship. Then I think you can say, you know, as I said, I don’t know necessarily what would be important is that blow-up of that relationship, that that rupture is repaired, you know, the electronic sort of stuff, that somehow that was, by being exploded out and experienced, that gives it a chance to be processed. 

Whereas if it’s just buried there and never, ever, ever, never been pushed down, it’s never been known, in a way, can you give it some form? And with an adult, I think I would link it to, we can speculate that, I don’t expect you to remember it, because you wouldn’t have remembered it. But it just gives some, inverted commas, understanding. But I think that understanding can only come through a limited experience, you know, with the blow-up. 

I mean, the scary part of that, if that person’s not in therapy, they may have 20 relationships in their life. When a child has experienced grossly inadequate care, how many unrepressed experiences are they carrying on? How does that come out? Does it come out in transferential behaviour, do you think? The jury’s out on that, I think, yeah. I mean, an argument would be, yes, it would, in terms of, you know, you are seeing, let’s say you were abandoned or very neglected very early on, but it was so early you had no memory of it, you would think, you know, in terms of transference, that the person is starting, is on the lookout for, you know, are you going to drop them or not? So the other thing that you’re relating to is also, because what I think is very important, this is probably getting more into therapy, but when you’re doing therapy, what I exclusively think about now, I’m supervising someone, is this, let’s say this abandonment thing happened, but it was so, so early, how does that look in the room? Because really talking about it is talking about it.

The only real stuff you’ve got is actually in that interaction in the room. So let’s say the dynamic is abandonment. A few ways to think about it. 

When does this person feel I abandon them, or when do I behave in a way that I do abandon them? So it can go either way, or, and that’s the interpersonal, you’ve also got to look at the intrapersonal. How do they abandon themselves? So they’re talking about their girlfriend or something, and she did a terrible thing, and she slept with some other guy or whatever, and this person’s telling you this story, and then says, oh, but things like that happen, and I’m sure it’ll be okay, and we’ve had a lovely swim the other day at the beach, da-da-da-da-da. Therein is an intrapsychic abandonment.

There’s this pain where his mind went, I can’t stay with that, you know, and I would probably know, can we just pause a bit there? It’s a bit, again, a beyond thing. Maybe he can experience that pain of being abandoned. Can he suffer it? Suffering is a big thing in beyond things. 

If you’ve got pain, you’ve got two options. You can just get rid of it, evacuate it, or you can try to modify it. But in modifying it, you’ve got to, to some degree, stay with it. 

Now, he could have stayed with it by just talking about watching a movie where there was this terrible, painful thing, theme of abandonment or jealousy or whatever. That would be staying with it. I don’t mean necessarily just talk about it, but his unconscious would be still dreaming it. 

He’d be still processing it in some sort of way. So transits and catatransits, I think, to think about it, if the dynamic is X, whatever X is, losing control of themselves, abandonment, jealousy, falling apartness, I’m trying to think, okay, do I feel I fall apart? Do I make them feel they see me as falling apart? How they fall apart inside there? I’m bringing it all. And ultimately, the cycle, and you can this is an argument, particularly with children, you can be too pure, and I can be too pure. 

I’m keeping it really in the room, because I don’t sort of say, and you know, what did mum and dad have to do? I said, when I was an early adolescent, and she would say, oh, my parents did this and da da da. And then she says, well, could you talk to your parents about, you know, what you could say? And I think, no, no, no, it’s taking it out of the room. It’s in the room. 

An analytic, conceptual theory can really only change, in a sense, what’s what’s immediately in there, in the room. Now, I know, if you’re talking about workers that are sort of, you know, not in the room in that one sense, but if they’re having a relationship with someone, and they see this kid is very quickly, and he’s very sensitive to being clearly pushed aside, then, you know, one, to be aware of that, two, could he behave in a way as to make you, and this brings in particular identification, that he does something where suddenly you’ve found yourself, you are pushing him aside. Because that’s the problem with the dynamic.

If you feel pushed aside, there’s a danger, you’re going to live a lot of your life, where you may bring out that dynamic in that you’ll behave in a way as to make other people feel pushed aside. Yeah, yeah. And the pain’s in them, not in you. 

That’s what objective identification means, that this thing that identifies as pain, I project it, and I put it into the other, and the other actually feels it. The other actually feels pushed aside. That’s different to projection. 

Projection, to me, is they are seeing me as me pushing them aside, and I’m not. Whereas, you know, if they’re doing something, and that generates in me, that I behave in a way as to push them aside, that is projective identification. That’s a big difference between what’s called projection and projective identification. 

So a quick, very quick example, little nine-year-olds, or very first seconds you walked into the room, you picked up a cushion, you’re cornered, and you say, don’t kill me with your piss, don’t kill me with your piss. What a psychotic. That would be, he was seeing me as someone who’s going to hurt him. 

That would be projection. A little girl, she used to come in and say, hello, Mr. Blake. It’s just really crazy. 

She dumped things off the shelf. She had some chalk, knock it off the little layer there, and accidentally squash it as she walked. I am wanting to kill her. 

I’m just furious at her. That could be seen, because she had a lot of early terrible trauma, that this rage, this murderousness, in a sense, she’s dealing with by her behavior. I don’t think she’s consciously thinking this out. 

She’s just doing these things, but it generates in me this murderousness, and I am actually feeling it. I’ve been going to try to recover from that and process it and think about it, not actually hit her or whatever the thing is. If you’re working with kids who have had a lot of trauma, it’s an occupational hazard, because if they’re felt abandoned, they may make you feel very abandoned or useless or pathetic.

You may have to carry that and not retaliate back and say, I’ve been asked to hold a horrible feeling that they just haven’t been able to hold or it’s never been processed. And that’s the difficulty of the work, isn’t it? That we do have to hold, we hold so much for our children. You must have colleagues, you must do exercise, be there with music. 

After 40 years, I had a sudden heart attack with no apparent reasons for having it, and I think that’s because I got really busy. I’d normally run and swim a lot. In working and privately, you’re very alone. 

You don’t have both clients you can just spill over to and hold you and contain you after that. So that’s been put into you. You need something or someone, because otherwise you’ll burn out. 

Yeah, that’s something that is close. But we could talk for ages. There’s a couple of things that I’d like to ask you about before we wrap up. 

You said something in there about abandonment, and it got me thinking about the children who abandon themselves. Because I think that there is, within the children, within their subconscious, there’s a set of organizing beliefs that are essentially negative. But there are also positive ones as well. 

And part of our job is to increase the strength and influence of those more positive organizing beliefs. It’s not part of it, that’s our job. I see children abandon that. 

And in doing so, they abandon that part of themselves that is lovable, capable, deserving. And now they engage in a range of problematic behaviors, whether they’re problematic relational behaviors, substance issues, self-harm, and the like. My question is, when you referred earlier to abandoning themselves, that’s how I put it into the context of my work. 

What are your thoughts about that? I can Kleineanize that easily. You’re talking about organizing frameworks, which I think is a much more functional, I think probably more helpful way of thinking about it. Kleine, because you work with little kids, these little kids would have little internal objects, you know, there’d be a good daddy and a bad daddy, or a sad mummy and a happy mummy. 

And this world is populated, they’re mind-populated, but it’s called object relations theory. But that idea, yes, that there is no, and the Americans talk about it, there is no concept of a self. There are many, many, many selves, when you think about it that way. 

And there is this, if they have introjected, i.e. identified with a parent or caregiver that was abandoning or was teasing or humiliating them a lot, that sort of goes in and becomes a bad internal object in a way. So, you know, I had a woman therapist for many years who couldn’t cross the Sydney Harbour Bridge, she would just panic. So she eventually did it, you know, and then she says to me, and this was a common theme, you know, oh, but that’s pathetic. 

You know, what’s the big deal? I crossed the Harbour, people do that a million times a day without even thinking about it. This was, like you were saying, it’s really, this good thing had happened, and she widened it, which is your calling abandoning or undermining. There’s something and I think to highlight that, that’s a very beyond way of thinking about it, what you’re saying is really how her mind or this child’s mind works. 

And, you know, that really reminded them that they say, look what you say, what did, they just did this great thing or whatever, and it’s like, you know, there’s this part of you that abandons you, and that’s not fair. And, you know, we have to get onto this abandoning bit of you or this bit of doing that, and doesn’t keep reminding you that you can do these good things. So this, I’m kind of leading into my final question with you, which is, when do you know it’s time to wind things up? Welcome to this unbelievably horrible and wonderful world of working with mental health with children. 

Children and those who’ve got this horrible plus wonderful developmental push, and ultimately you’re trying to work where you feel development is somehow, I don’t know how to describe this to Perry, are we talking about a little hiccup here, or are we talking about a serious block? Because there’s going to be regressions and things like that, you know, so how do you know? And, you know, you can stop with a kid and, you know, sort of the thing is terrible, and they do really well because other things have come into their life and all that. But the simple, in a therapy situation, I’m looking at a few factors. How do you know when to finish? One, what is the outside world telling me? That he’s not taking drugs, he’s not doing terrible things in relationships, all the pretending sort of problems. 

Have they really improved and they’ve stayed pretty improved for a while? Two, if it’s children, I look at the material in their play. They are telling me via their play. In other words, are we always getting wars and fights, or are we increasingly seeing ambulance and police come into the thing, or Lego blocks that sort of do get finalized and are formed into a proper, whatever shape they wanted to make it? So you’re getting more positive themes coming into the actual play itself. 

I’m looking at the outside world. In other words, if you’re talking to an adolescent, they’re telling you movies or computer games where there are more benign figures, or things have been resolved, or things like that. So I’m looking for that unconscious and conscious communication from them that I’m feeling a bit more held together. 

And then the final thing I would look for is the transference. That is, are they actually relating to me? Not as this idealized, wonderful, perfect, always there, or terrible, you don’t give a shit about me. It feels fairly normal.

Then they would be, that’s my broad criteria for ending. And at the end of it, I’m like this. There is no way in the world, you know, you can predict, this thing cannot predict, and we don’t know what’s going on. 

To give you a very dramatic example, I don’t know if it’s legal to say it, but Anavara, she’s to all these very, very deprived people. If the caretakers wanted to pull them out of therapy, she would say, you know, well, I think if you’re pulling them out of therapy, there’s a risk that you’ll end up on a park bench. I mean, that’s really fighting and standing up for it. 

A professional can’t say that. We certainly would perish, intensely guilty. But I think there are times when you say, if this stops, I have extremely high, very high concerns about his future or her future mental health.

I always say the goal of therapy is redundancy. You know when to stop. When what you’re offering is being offered or can be offered from other adults in their life, outside of therapy. 

Yeah. I mean, the thing I’m adding to that really is from an unconscious psychological point of view. Can you read unconscious communications as well? You may be getting that consciously, but the story they’re telling you, you know, and reading this book about someone abandoning and dah, dah, dah or whatever. 

Not so sure, you know, so it’s talking about the outside and the inside, that perspective. It’s got to come back to the beginning, inner and outer. Look, as you know, I’ve got notes here. 

I could ask many more questions, but I think, yeah, we’ve both got days to get on with. So I think we’ll wrap it up here. But thank you.

Thank you, Peter. That was really an inspiring conversation. Well, thank you. 

I mean, you’ve added a couple of more. You’ve widened my diameter a bit on the way you framed the conscious-unconscious stuff for me. So thank you. 

It’s not one way at all. Yeah, thank you. I’m pleased to know that. 

Okay. Thanks, Colby.

Peter’s Bio:

Peter is a Clinical Psychologist and Tavistock trained child and adolescent psychotherapist. For 25 years Peter worked in child and family teams in Community Health Centres in England and Australia. For the last 25 years he has worked in private practice in Sydney. He was the Foundation President of the Child Psychoanalytic Foundation, a charity based in Sydney.

He is currently Director of the Institute of Child and Adolescent Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy ( ICAPP). This is a training body offering child and adolescent psychotherapy, based in Sydney but offered online.

He has lectured in a number of Australian Universities and has given workshops to professionals across Australia. The third edition of his book, “Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy: Maaking the Conscious Unconscious” (2021, Routledge), is now useed as a textbook in a number of different countries. It has been translated into Georgian and Mandarin. He has contributed to numerous publications and Journals.

Related Content:

If you enjoy this podcast episode, you will likely also enjoy the episode I created with Peter wilson.

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Disclaimer:
Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast owner, Colby Pearce. Further, any advice discussed is general in nature and does not replace clinical advice from a treating clinician.

Truth First: Caring Beyond The System – A Podcast interview with Louise Allen

Louise Allen shares powerful insights into care leaver voice, identity, belonging and systemic reform. We discuss trauma, hope, and what genuinely improves outcomes for young people after care. Authentic, challenging and full of lived-experience wisdom.

Truth First: Caring Beyond The System

The conversation opens with a quiet kind of fire: a creative child who became an adult unwilling to walk past injustice. Louise Allen traces how identity is broken and remade in the care system, starting with forced adoption, secrecy, and prejudice that rewrites a child’s story before they can speak. She points to a simple principle that echoes through trauma research and everyday life: children read faces, not forms. A warm gaze, a steady presence, and a smile that means it are more powerful than any policy. The difference between being documented and being seen is the difference between surviving and becoming. In a sector addicted to paperwork, she asks us to put dignity back into each line of text and each moment of care.

What lands hardest is her insistence on truth. She names the layers of dishonesty that creep in: parents threatened by services, children protecting parents, foster carers fearing allegations, and professionals guarding their positions. The result is a record that often fails the child. Louise reframes practice with human clarity: say the answer the child is carrying, not another question they have to endure. Put a photo of the child in meetings so adults remember who is missing from the room. Write logs to the child, not about the child, because they will read them. These are not soft gestures; they are structural fixes for a culture that forgets its purpose. Dignity, not detail, is the bedrock of therapeutic care.

Louise’s stories about dogs bring the science of attachment to life. Contact comfort beats cold compliance. A dog that curls up on a lap or cries for help at the right moment can lower arousal, interrupt self-harm, and offer non-judgmental presence that many adults struggle to sustain. She’s seen dogs act as quiet co-therapists, sensing when to stay, when to get help, and when to simply be warm and heavy in a child’s arms. This is Harlow’s lesson without the lab: safety is felt, not filed. If schools and services greeted young people with genuine warmth, many refusals and ruptures would soften before they harden. Body language, tone, and welcome matter. Train for them.

Her writing life started with a “misery memoir” she wasn’t allowed to make funny, then expanded into the Thrown Away Children series that tells real stories with grit and humour. She writes for foster carers too, because the role is treated like domestic labour while demanding clinical-level skill. Minimum standards won’t raise outcomes; maximum care does. That means training that respects complexity, contracts that recognise the work, and leaders who listen to those doing the night shifts. Foster care isn’t babysitting; it’s relational craftsmanship under pressure. When carers are silenced, children lose.

Spark Sisterhood began with a bag of groceries and red velvet cakes delivered to girls who had just left residential care. The “cliff edge” was brutal: isolation, inconsistent allowances, addictions funded in placement and unfunded after, fear of leaving the flat, no routine, no trust. Spark’s answer is practical and kind: life skills, first aid, real cooking, self-defence, image confidence, employment law, and a bridge to industries that pay—construction, engineering, and tech. Care-to-Career matches young women with apprenticeships and work experience, not as charity, but as an on-ramp to dignity, agency, and wages that break the poverty cycle.

Threaded through is one recurring truth: one good adult can tilt a life toward hope. Sometimes it is a neighbour with jokes and a garden; other times it is a foster carer who bakes, smiles, and writes logs like letters. The system counts hours, but children count moments. Louise’s challenge is simple and tough: tell the truth, keep the child in the room even when they aren’t there, and choose warmth over control. When adults do that, the care system begins to look less like a maze and more like a path.

You can listen to the podcast here:

You can watch the podcast here:

About Louise:

Louise is the award-winning author behind the bestselling Thrown Away Children series. Her stories draw from the lived experiences of being part of a foster family. Her brand-new series, Slave Girls, continues her mission to share the real, often unheard stories of children and young people—with courage, honesty, and hope.
 
Through Spark Sisterhood, Louise is building a community where girls from care are met with friendship and essential life and employment skills, and where they are encouraged to believe in themselves and their futures. One of the charity’s most exciting projects is Care to Career, a two-week programme that offers girls jobs, apprenticeships and work experience by working with employers. The programme supports young women aged 18–25. It’s about more than just finding a job, which they do, it’s about creating space for young women to thrive.
 
At the heart of everything Louise does is a belief in the power of real-life stories. Through the marketing agency, Louise, she helps founders, charities, and mission-led companies connect more deeply with their audiences through branding, content, and campaigns that are built with empathy and purpose. Whether it’s supporting a small charity or reshaping how we talk about foster care, Louise brings clarity, heart, and strategy to every project.
 
Having grown up in care and now fostering children herself, Louise understands the care system from the inside out; she has a unique 360? understanding. She is a respected and leading voice. Her work is now focused on changing the conversation around fostering in the UK by challenging the fear-led culture, the lack of collaboration between agencies, and the reliance on legislation to drive change. Instead, she’s advocating for honest dialogue, practical solutions, and a shared commitment to putting children and carers first.

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Dr Hayley Lugassy

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Louise: 0:05

And I began to use creativity as a way of thinking and a way of working. And sometimes you get drawn to these things because you just can’t live with the injustices that go on. And if you see it and you know it, you can’t walk past it. That man saved my life. So again, the other thing I would say is things aren’t always what you think they are. The people on paper who were meant to be really good and kind and the puppy were not. The people next door who were poor, who uh were a bit rough on the edges, I guess, were the kindest people I met. I have to absolutely believe it. If we put the children leave, genuinely, genuinely hot fellow, actually with a bit green, fellows, will all the green, and the children. I wanted to be very happy on a dream. Somebody who smiled with the simple gonna eat me. But just someone who’s a child. It’s all in the face. That’s all I wanted. It wasn’t about money, it wasn’t about material things, it was about that feeling that you were with an adult that looked at you with kindness in their eyes because it was in the heart. And children read that instantly. So I think most of the work we do could be helped if we worked on ourselves first minimum. Why aren’t they maximally? No one ever tells the truth in this world. It’s layers of eyes. The parents don’t tell the truth because they’re in a position of failure and threat from the children’s social care. The children don’t tell the truth because they’re loyalties to their parents. Uh, and they say a lot of what they think people want to hear because they’re used to it. Foster carers don’t tell the truth because they’re terrified of obligation. Social workers don’t tell the truth because they fear that they might lose the foster carer. Yet no one is telling the truth. So I thought, wouldn’t it be fun just to tell the truth?

Colby: 2:23

Hello and welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pierce, and joining me for this episode is an inspirational UK-based foster carer, author, artist, and champion of post-care support for young women. Before we begin, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the lands that I come to you from, the Ghana people of the Adelaide Plains, and acknowledge the continuing connection the living Ghana people feel to land, waters, culture, and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging. My guest this episode is Louise Allen. Louise is the award-winning author behind the best-selling thrown away children series. Her stories draw from the lived experiences of being part of a foster family. Her brand new series, Slave Girls, continues her mission to share the real, often unheard stories of children and young people with courage, honesty, and hope. Through Spark Sisterhood, Louise is building a community where girls from care are met with friendship, an essential life and employment skills, and where they are encouraged to believe in themselves and in their futures. One of the charity’s most exciting projects is Care to Career, a two-week program that offers girls jobs, apprenticeships, and work experience by working with employers. The program supports young women aged 18 to 25. It is about more than just finding a job, which they do. It’s about creating a space for young women to thrive. At the heart of everything Louise does is a belief in the power of real life stories. Through the marketing agency Louise, she helps founders, charities, and mission-led companies connect more deeply with their audiences through branding, content, and campaigns that are built with empathy and purpose. Whether it’s supporting a small charity or reshaping how we talk about foster care, Louise brings clarity, heart, and strategy to every project. Having grown up in care and now fostering children herself, Louise understands the care system from the inside out. She has a unique 360-degree understanding. She is a respected and leading voice. Her work is now focused on changing the conversation around fostering in the UK by challenging the fear-led culture, the lack of collaboration between agencies, and the reliance on legislation to drive change. Instead, she’s advocating for honest dialogue, practical solutions, and a shared commitment to putting children and carers first. Welcome, Louise.

Louise: 5:44

Hello, Colby. Thank you so much. That was was that me you were talking about?

Colby: 5:50

Well, of course it was. And I know that that uh from our uh conversations already, that’s only part of the story, and maybe we’ll we’ll get into that um a little bit more as as we go through the podcast. And uh thankfully, it being late in the day and me tripping over my tongue, I can edit those bits out um in the in the final product. Um, but I just wanted perhaps just to kick us off, Louise. Is there anything that you would add to that um that bio?

Louise: 6:24

Um the only thing I would kind of not add but uh highlight because I think it’s important uh to explain why someone like me would become so committed to the work I do. And and I do feel like it’s sometimes it’s accidental. It wasn’t I was quite happy working in fashion and art, floating around, wafting, having a lovely time, but um it felt incredibly um trivial and sometimes uh not very important when in the back of my mind, my own experiences of the care system, because I was in care from before I was born, um it kind of didn’t halt my creative career, it kind of changed it. And I began to use creativity as a way of thinking and a way of working, and sometimes you get drawn to these things because you just can’t live with the injustices that go on, and if you see it and you know it, you can’t walk past it. You just can’t. So when I found out about my own understanding of myself, I because you you you don’t know your own past until you gather all your evidence and lay it out in front of you, and even then there are holes. Is that um, if I can briefly say from the pro, because I always find this a bit of a shocker, not to me, but people to understand my father was a man in his 30s who was on his second marriage with children. My mother was 12 years old when she met him, or he met her. My father was a serial paedophile, and I found out as I got older. Now that changes the way you think about things because when I say to people my father was a paedophile, they think that it was me that he was having sex with, it wasn’t, it was my mother. So I have a kind of I talk about child abuse a bit like I’m having a cup of tea and a piece of cake because it’s my world that I live in. So that’s the only thing I’d like to say is a kind of disclaimer to why you know I do I bother so much and I care so much.

Colby: 8:28

Yeah, you you’ve touched a bit on that and and your motivation. Um, is there anything else that you would say about where this motive motivation comes from and what continues to motivate you in the the various endeavors that you are engaged in?

Louise: 8:46

I think the motivation, I think you you’re kind of born with it. I I kind of came into the world fighting for the underdog, um, not even realizing I was also one of the underdogs. Um, and I think I saw a lot of pain. I heard a lot of stories. I had a an adoptive mother and foster mothers that always overshared. So I was kind of burdened with their uh knowledge uh about the world. And I you kind of when you’re a child and you get that level of you know, your optics are like that, and you know those stories, you have a huge sense of responsibility, and sometimes it felt too much, but I I’m I’m creative, so I would turn that into something that would work with me. But I’ve always been very aware of how other people feel, and I think that’s my motivation. I can’t, I don’t like people around me being sad or lost or hurt, it bothers me dearly.

Colby: 9:48

So, in some ways, the relief of suffering is is has been a prime motivator for you.

Louise: 9:55

Absolutely, Colby. I’m gonna have to stop one of my dogs is howling. I’m gonna go and shut the door.

Colby: 10:03

We have a shared interest in dogs. You shared a story about how dogs have been uh lifelong friends and companions for you.

Louise: 10:19

Dogs to me are are um to me, they’re the most uh beautiful creatures I can think of. I absolutely love their souls and find them so forgiving for what we do to them. And when I was uh a child, in in my first well, in every single book, I it occurred to me that I was writing as much about my dogs as I was about me. So wherever when when I was in care and when I was at places or at new foster places, or wherever I was, I would find a dog and I would sit with the dog and befriend the dog. And and and at my most saddest times in my life, I found I’m sitting next to a dog, and it was uh I I I just love them dearly. I had a dog that um my adoptive mother got rid of because she got jealous of the devotion I had to the dog, and I came home from school and she just had it put down. And that kind of of all the things she had done to me, and she’d done some pretty horrendous things, that hardened me to the point where I could not, I I knew it was just a matter of time till I left. But she did some horrendous things, but she got my dog killed because she didn’t like the fact I was up ever six o’clock every morning walking it around a university parks in Oxford, and I love my dog’s company, and I still do.

Colby: 11:49

I’ve got two, and I was actually looking at a uh dog rescue last night, just sort of trying to convince my husband that we can have another one, and of course, we’re having this conversation because we just had to have a temporary interlude while you went in um and and did something for one of your dogs, yeah. Who’s having a very uh unnatural experience at the moment?

Louise: 12:14

Yeah, she’s having a fancy pregnancy and she surrounded herself with uh the children’s shoes thinking they’re puppies.

Colby: 12:21

Oh dear, poor thing. Yeah, you yeah, so um you you mentioned your adoptive uh parent and you you you indicated that you um you had foster foster mums as well. Um so I guess from um from my perspective and probably from the perspective of our listeners, they would be really keen to hear about what you think um i i is important for foster carers to know and do in that role in consideration of your your experience of having been um cared for by them and and being a foster parent themselves uh yourself now.

Louise: 13:11

Uh yeah, and I thank you for that. That’s a really important question. And and and probably the the the work I find myself doing, uh consciously or unconsciously, is trying to to unravel that to spare the pain um of the the foster carers, the doctors, and mostly the children and the communities around them, because we don’t do this on our own. We have family and we have neighbors and we have friends that all buy into what our affections are. So my my experience of being in care before I was born um was because of my mother’s age, because she was at school. I was then a forced adoption. Um in England there was a prolific amount of us being adopted. Now I I have often wondered whether that’s connected to the late 60s, to to whether the it was a misuse or no use of the pill and the the kind of culture going on in the background of free love and sex and all the rest of it and misunderstanding. In our case, in my mother’s case, sheer exploitation by a man that was clearly a predator. Um and so you you you there’s a dishonesty, I think, that uh uh underpins uh what what we are because when you are adopted or fostered, the first thing you that happens to you is your identity is changed and you lose your identity. Now, my birth mother, even though I had spoken to her throughout my life, I only found out two years ago that she’s Italian. I had no idea why I was olive. I was told I might be Greek, and you realize that that people, the most important thing is to get the facts right, and if you don’t have the absolute correct facts about identity, about family, and don’t say them, don’t guess, leave the gaps because we can fill them in later. And with the digital world now, we can access stuff on ancestry and so on quite quickly. I think me, I was called manufactured. Um, I was adopted by um a woman on my in my paperwork, which I have in a cupboard over there, uh, should never have adopted children, but she had adopted another child child before me and was under the spotlight for um serious child abuse, but then she was allowed to adopt me two years later. I was originally fostered. Because I think um of the prejudice at the time, I think they knew who my father was. Um he was quite he was uh I met him, he was not a nice person at all. Um and I think they uh my birth plan, not my birth plan, my care plan, the first thing on it was this child must be baptized. So I think the fact I was illegitimate, I was the result of uh uh uh uh because it paedophilia, they would have then I would imagine they would have blamed a girl for her uh behaviour. Um I I would imagine that I was very olive. Well, I faded a bit now, but when I was a child I was uh very dark. Um and I think I had the the the the all the the red flags for sort of devout deep prejudice and racism. So I kind of um was I was I was sort of binned off quite early, and I think I had a sense of that, and then I was um I don’t, you know, you end up becoming when you are a foster child or an adopted child, and you know that you are living with someone else’s family, the the hardest thing is trying to understand your own identity. Then you get to a stage which I got to when I discovered punk when I was a teenager, where you just think, well, I’ll create my own identity, and my identity at that point was angry, creative, and sort of a bit wild. But when I was a child, I remember always feeling that there were conversations and whispers that I was not party to that were about me. When my um uh uh I was introduced to my birth mother because my adopted mother was trying to bin me off quite quickly because she’d had enough of us, and I was an incredibly quiet child. And I think the first thing that we need to understand when we uh work with children from trauma, or we’re giving it to them on a daily basis, is that please watch out for the quiet ones, the shy ones, the quiet ones. We go unnoticed, and so my uh other adopted brother was taken away from me. We used to cling to each other, it was just I came downstairs and he was gone. I just saw a car leaving and he was put into residential care. So I’d lost my ally. I had a uh an Irish navy, and if you don’t know what a navy is, they were they were brought over as cheap labor to build the roads and the railways, and he lived in the caravan in the orchard next door with some um evacuees from World War II, so Polish people. Um, and I used to sneak over there into the caravan for food and company, and I ended up becoming my greatest friend was an Irishman from County Court who lived in a caravan, drank Guinness, and used to protect me. If you read that back, small child in a caravan alone with an Irishman in his 60s and 70s, you would you would be alive. That man saved my life. So, again, the other thing I would say is things aren’t always what you think they are. The people on paper who were meant to be really good and kind and and look after me were not. The people next door who were poor, who uh were a bit rough round the edges, I guess, were the kindest people I met. And learned and and kept he knew what was going on, but he he he kind of created created a magical space for me where I could be a child, and he taught and he had that wonderful Irish humour. So he taught me to laugh as well. So I’m grateful. So what would I say? I’d say you know, things aren’t always what you think they are, and people definitely aren’t always who they seem, and when it comes to trying to do life story work, it’s never the truth, it will never be the truth until we decide it’s the truth and the truth that we can live with. So it’s um, and you learn so many bad things, you know, and and people are embarrassed of us. My adopted mum would introduce me if I’d done well at something, oh, this is my adopted daughter, then then literally blow on her nails and and brush her lapel like it was all her work. You know, you kind of you you you you’re you’re uh you you’re appeasing a lot of people if you’re quiet and shy. And then if you were like my adopted brother, he went through it like a bull in a china shop because he didn’t know what to do with all his emotions. Either way, you’re punished, either way it’s a struggle. But now I’m a foster carer and I have long-term placement, so that’s like you know, a bit like adoption, but much more social work intervention. I’d say that um the most important thing is the truth, and the truth will always do because we find out later. And I’ve and I’ve been, and if someone like me approaches a relative, a birth relative, or somebody from the past, it’s not like the TV shows. We don’t throw our arms around each other and go, Oh my god, you’ll just look at your nose, it’s just like mine. You don’t do that. What you do is you you get a sense that they’re looking at you thinking, What do you want? And people have met relatives who have said to me, I haven’t got any money. But it’s you you’re always seen as the other, you know. If you look, we very rarely get put in wills, and and you know, we we’re not financially taken care of. So I would ask anyone who does it to have a real think about what they why they’re doing it. Is is it to replace something they’ve lost, a child they’ve lost, or a child they’ve never had, because you’re just about to adopt or foster a unique universe that has the whole energy, and your job is to find it and to help them accept their own energy because they’re fighting, children are constantly exhausted, and I see it with my children. I think I’m quite good at what I do, but I can see it in them that they’re trying to bend and twist and to try and second guess how they can keep you happy to give them space to to do what they need to do. And I just think that we gotta do this better.

Colby: 22:33

So there’s three, I guess three main things that I I took from that, Louise. And if there’s some that I missed that you think are important to to also mention, do so. One the the remo the probably the latter one was the importance of understanding the children in your care. Understanding the depth to which they feel is you you use the word outsiders, um you you I know your books, you talk about throwing away children, you use the language of being binned. Um but that understand the depth to of lack or loss of of a feeling of belonging to everyone. And and the other thing that I think you said in there that was I thought really poignant, and um as it happens, I’m I I was writing questions for uh for upcoming podcast guests about the input the who we with whom I’m gonna I plan to be talking about other adults, you know, adults outside of the foster placement or the residential placement or the kinship placement. And um yeah, so you mentioned the the neighbour who the role of that he played in your life was so significant that you you he said you described him as having saved you. And um yeah, it puts me in mind, this is a theme that comes up quite regularly on our podcast about and and in my professional life as well, just about the vital role that um you know having at least one one good adult in your life who sees you, listens to you, and is there for you, particularly when times are tough. And um we know incidentally from um the study I’m most familiar with was a large-scale Irish study that was completed a bit more than a little bit more than 10 years ago now, but of um 12 to 25 year olds that showed that um and quite a lot, and it was quite a large sample size, but it showed that the children um or the the adults who were able to um report that they’d had someone in their life who saw them, who understood them, who was there for them. The difference for that population in terms of mental health and well-being, physical health and well-being, and and problematic behaviours is significant, yeah, whether you have that or you don’t have that. Yeah. So yeah, I don’t know if I missed any of those significant points in there, but there was getting to know the children, being aware of belonging and the and and how significant that is for young people, and and being aware of how the the the role of just being one good adult, at least one good adult. We of course we want more.

Louise: 25:42

It’s well it I I could do my own little uh uh example is that I myself and uh the adopted other adopted brother who is a bit older than me, we live next door to together next to this orchard, but he didn’t have I I’m always curious and always, you know, and and and there were cats and dogs around, you know, so yeah, it was a given for me. I was gonna get close to those animals. And he didn’t have the he didn’t make the effort, I guess, as a child to crawl through the fence and go and introduce himself. I made the effort several times a week um to crawl for the fence and to smile at people and to and I’m a natural smiler, and I I don’t know whether I became a natural smiler for people to like me so I’d be rescued, or I don’t know, we just did it differently, and I think it’s all down to personality. My adopted brother struggles in life hugely, um, whereas I don’t, and I think that connection I had with Sean, the Irishman, was he didn’t say, How are you? How are you feeling? None of that. It was far more come over here and let’s let’s don’t dig this garden, you know. Let’s let’s you know, let’s do it. He used to let me um he had a comb over, he had a bold head and a comb. He used to wear braces and vests, you know, proper old school. And he would sit there reading the local paper, drinking in his name, plat his comb over and put makeup on it. He was completely at ease with himself, but he was very aware, I found out later, what was going on, and I respect him more now than ever, knowing that he knew and he placated her and he protected me. He didn’t involve me in that discussion or in that world, he didn’t get involved, he protected me, and I appreciate that because I got to have a childhood, I got to, you know, I and I love a gardening because of him, you know. So I’m grateful, and I’m grateful for people that don’t keep saying, Are you alright? What’s going on with you right now? You don’t want you get sick of it as a child.

Colby: 28:02

I look and in my professional life, I I say to people, if you find yourself about to ask a child a question and you think you know what the answer would be, should they give it, don’t ask the question. Say the answer. Say the answer. Because children our children, every time my experience is is when we ask them questions, their experience is what you know, another dumb adult that doesn’t can’t it can’t see, can’t hear, isn’t looking, doesn’t know. But when we when we say the answer, their experience is what finally, someone who who sees me and gets me.

Louise: 28:44

It’s so important that is such a really inspiring and hopeful thing for me to hear because I live with children now who um you know I only we were doing some work the other day, they’re in residential care for three years, and we were uh we we totted up um all the people that this child has had to tell her story to over the last five years, and it was 360 people, 70 care workers, five social workers, managers. Every time she went to AE, it was at least five doctors, nurses, because they never they always go, I want to hear it for myself. It’s like, no, trust, trust the child, therapists, counsellors, teachers, whatever, uh other people. So we came up with the idea that we’re going to make a recording.

Colby: 29:37

Yeah, it’s a good idea.

Kouise: 29:41

Because she I just cannot say it one more time, and then when she refuses to engage and sits at her phone and scrolls and doesn’t engage, they say they get angry with her.

Colby: 29:51

Yeah, yeah. I’ve never insisted that I mean, I’ve been doing working therapeutically. I had a primarily assessment role for the first seven years. Years of my career, and then I gradually did more and more therapy, although I had therapy, psychotherapy clients from the beginning, but 30 years. I’ve never expected a child, I’ve never asked a child to tell their story. Um I think that that’s um re-traumatising. I think I think that children um get more out of a therapeutic encounter from warmth, from understanding, um, from feeling like they’re a person of worth, that they’re good enough, yeah, than yeah, raking over the coals of you know of what’s happened in their life.

Louise: 30:43

And I just think it’s a continuation of abuse when you because to what end are you asking? Because you haven’t read the notes. We got her file, there was just one part of a file, which is 360 pages. This is just for one year of her life, you know, with the rest are coming because she’s soon to be 18. And um, then she asked for another load. Um, and you you when you look at the paperwork that uh uh this is a bit I didn’t say is that as a foster carer and a doctor, you are only ever as good from the beginning as what you have been told and what you know about the child. So when those notes are written, and I I I sat there trying to fight the tears off when I was going through her paperwork just the other evening, because it’s careless, it’s it they don’t even get her name right, they don’t, you know, it is so and they she said, but that didn’t happen, they got that wrong, and you know, so they’re building an identity, a picture of a child that isn’t accurate, which is why I say the truth will always do. If you can’t be the truth and there’s less of it, then hallelujah! Just don’t put stuff in that you’re not sure about and you cannot uh hold to account because they uh it so we’re only ever as good as what we know, and then what what I learned as a foster carer is those referrals, the redactions are you know what is not there is conspicuously loud, and you have to second guess.

Colby: 32:24

Yeah, I think um the word that was coming to me, and I’ve just noticed that I’ve got a nice shadow on my face because the sun is uh uh reflecting off the neighbor’s roof. But um what I um the word that came to me was dignity. Like where is where’s the dignity in for the child in the notes in the the records? I you had me in mind of a young person who complains that every aspect of her life, she’s in a residential placement, but every aspect of her life is documented. Every every what time she got up, what she did for breakfast, rahdy rah. And yeah, and it’s excuse me, Louise, I’m just gonna shut it off. There we go.

Louise: 33:18

There we are. And and that is so important because I when I, you know, was in care, I felt when I ran away at 15 because I just legged it from Oxford to Portsmouth, I got on a train after a horrendous incident of abuse, and I dragged myself three miles to the train station. I got on a train and I was gone. I felt like I’d broken out of prison. And it was liberating, and I worked very hard to make sure that I could earn money not to be anywhere near a social services or a social worker, because by then my trust had gone. So the fact that I’m back in this world much later working with children’s social care, and I see some inspiring social workers, but I read those and I see a lot that I don’t really want to see again. But I see I read the notes with great with great interest. I read I’ve got my own file, and most of it is redactions, and those redactions are not to protect me, they’re to protect themselves, and you diminish more and more and more that you know you you kind of and and and in my um uh file all the way through, I’m hardly mentioned. There’s even a note about you know, a particular thing happened where my adopted mother beaten me so badly, and they went, Oh, I suppose someone better go around and check on Louise, but it’s Friday, I’ve got to go. Can you do it? It was all handwritten before my uh adoption because I was fostered first, because uh so many social workers said, Don’t do it, don’t do it. She must not, this woman must not adopt this child. There are all these handwritten notes saying, please don’t do this from the Guardian Litem from the social workers. And I was still adopted, and I think it was because when you adopt you you you’re one financial burden less for the local authority. And it’s it, and I think what it made me very aware, angry originally, that we matter so little, we matter so little, and you you you see this in decision making now, and and I I am that foster care. I because I do I have this absolute belief that if we put the children’s needs genuinely, genuinely heartfelt, matching with a bit of brain, first, we’ll all agree, and the child will get what they need, but you get all these weird other things going on, careers, politics, you know. Why are children politicized? So you a lot of the the the words around children are lazy, um rude. Uh, I mean, just some of the stuff, and and then you get foster carers, and we have to write logs every week or two weeks. I do two weeks, I do two weeks for any foster carers who are listening. If you write them every week, you’re gonna write about the minutiae. They go up, they clean their teeth, they they who cares? If you write them every three weeks, you forget. So every two weeks for me works out to be about the right, you get you get the right stuff in there, and I always write my logs to my child because it keeps me focused, it keeps me focused on that. I’m not recording their daily activity or then anything negative. What I am doing is I am on the journey with them as long as I can until they read this, and I want them to read that I said, Well, uh, it’s not the child’s name, but say, Sarah, you know, you had a really good day today, and uh, we we got through that bit, you know, with that bit, and I write it in a funny voice, and I use my voice, and I never talk about the the the the whoopsies and the disasters and the and if they abscond, I’ll say, Well, we got your back, that’s great. But I never because they will read it, we never want to be continually reminded of our failures, the failures that were put on us by other people, and I think that that how we write about children is essential. Everybody, doctors, therapists, counselors, you know, teachers, you know, we don’t need to hear the negative, we’re living that negative stuff. I remember it, and I see the children I look after. We you’re living that daily, you don’t need to be reminded, you just need to know that people know that you can you can get through this, and you’ll be great.

Colby: 37:52

Yeah, yeah. And I have a I have a saying that when you get a group of adults in a room, often the first voice that is lost is the child’s voice. And it’s it’s just remarkable how that happens and observing that happening. And I think in our pre-meet, you told me that about putting the photo of the child on the table. Yes, I did it on the table. Yeah.

Louise: 38:16

Yeah, I I and I, you know, you have to be a stage in your life where you really couldn’t give a hoot about what other people think about you. I really don’t care. I generally like I got what I want, got what I need. I don’t need your your validation. But while we were in this meeting, we were it was an online one and they were talking not about the child, they were talking about the child, but not talking about the child and about all the problems it was causing them and the logistics. I just got her photograph and I just whacked it on the screen on camera and went, This is who we’re talking about, and I’m gonna every time you don’t talk about her, I’m gonna put her face up. Yeah, and it and it, you know, and then they were like a little bit shocked, and then they kind of and I said, How can you not? She’s not even here. We’re talking about her, and she’s not here. Do you understand how that feels for her? She knows we’re here, she’s not in the room virtually or the least I can do is remind you who she is, and they and it did change the whole mood of the meeting because suddenly they lightened up. It stopped being about their commissioning and about the the egos and the wars, and I want to further my career because I’ve managed to save 500 pounds this month or whatever, and aren’t I wonderful? Because I really generally don’t care about the adults, I care about the children, and you have when you go in with that attitude at first, it’s like what Gandhi said, didn’t it? When you have when you want something big to happen, when you want to create a change, first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they get angry with you, then you win. And I keep that in my head because I know they go, God, it’s yeah, then they get a bit, you can feel the pursed lips and the and but that’s all about them, not me or the child. All I am doing is reminding them that this human being, this vulnerable, only vulnerable because we have bureaucratically made that child vulnerable on the fact that they were physically and emotionally vulnerable before. So the corporate parent continues the vulnerability, and then they go, and then they get you know, then you get to the conversation with 16 or 18, and you go, right, and off you go then.

Colby: 40:39

Bye. I want to get to you and talk to you a little bit about the Sparte Sisterhood in a in a in a bit, but there’s a couple of other things that uh just something that I want to cover off about what you’ve said so far. There was an e there was a um I refer I refer to this study in my in my writing and um it was published in the mid-1950s under the article titled The Nature of Love. Um and uh Harry Harlow was his name, and he and and he published his study in a very esteemed psychology journal. I think it was in the American Psychologist in 1955, and it was and this is the you may have heard of it, but this is the experiments where they separated infant rhesus monkeys from their mothers um shortly after birth. And what they were they were testing is you know how how important is it to the infant um that they get fed? Um they had mother surrogate, so they have would have a mother surrogate that uh would feed them, but was wrapped in wire, was not warm, was not cuddly, they couldn’t cut it cuddle into it, and it could feed them. But then they they also had a mother surrogate who was wrapped in terry towel and had a a like load behind it, so and it was roughly shaped so that the infant could cling onto it, and it was it was warm, it was soft, and um and and I won’t, I’ll spare you some of the details, but the the long and the short of of it all is how much because they were looking at what are the primary needs of a child, and the primary needs turned out to be as concluded from those studies, were warmth contact to comfort. Whether they feed you or you know, and and I was reflecting on your experience growing, you know, you you I’m sure you were well you may not have been well fed, but but your adoptive.

Louise: 42:44

Well there was a case I had to eat.

Colby: 42:47

Yeah. But um but the kid, yeah, it was that was game changing really for um uh for for thought thinking at that time, that in fact it’s not the fact that the parent feeds and uh the child that is is a primary uh driver for the child orienting to the parent. It’s that they it is that they provide warmth and comfort. And in actual fact, when they frighten these baby monkeys and they had a choice of either going to the mother surrogate that fed them but was just made of wire, or the one that was soft and warm but didn’t feed them, the babies would always go to the soft and warm um uh mother surrogate. So Jessica, you know, I I think about that in terms of the warmth that you undoubtedly experienced with Sean from Sean and um yeah, and and you know, like it’s not it’s not that sophisticated in a way, you know, the the raising and the care of children, it is that um we do provide them with love and comfort and warmth. Yeah, yeah.

Louise: 43:58

And it’s so interesting because every child I’ve looked after, which is over 30 now, um, and and some stay for years and years, is that when they go somewhere else or when they report about back on their residentials or their previous foster carers or whatever. If I can couple that with when when I began fostering and my memories of my own childhood, because I didn’t want to, it was my husband’s idea. I was the most reluctant area you’d find. But you know, I I I absolutely do I love it? I don’t know. You just do it and you don’t think about do I love it or not, because it’s not that kind of uh work. But I wanted to be for my own children, I have two birth children, my stepdaughters when they were young, and all the students because I used to teach in a university. I wanted to be consciously or subconsciously, the the the the very adult that I dreamed I’d had. And what that was was somebody who smiled when they saw me. That simple. Not looked like they were gonna eat me or beat me, but just someone who with warmth, because a child will tell you it’s all in the face, it’s in a split second, and when my children go somewhere, my foster children go somewhere and they refuse to go back, and then the social workers, we’ve spent this money on that, and you have to go, and they’ll say they didn’t make me feel welcome. So it’s all with the initial greet, and every time that you know, and I made sure I worked really hard, and this is why foster care gets mixed up with domestic women’s work, is that even though you know I’m not the greatest and finest baker in the world, but I would half-kill myself to do all my work to make sure that when the children came back from school, the kitchen smelt of of biscuits, and uh the biscuits were warm, and I was there smiling, and just for 10 minutes I’d go, you had a good day, and if they didn’t want to talk, we didn’t, but it was I was always smiling, not like a lunatic, but with utter warmth because I knew that’s what I never that’s all I wanted. It wasn’t about money, it wasn’t about material things, it was about that feeling that you were with an adult that looked at you with kindness in their eyes because it was in their heart, and children read that instantly, you know. And I meet a lot of professionals, and I wouldn’t I wouldn’t want to be left alone with them.

Colby: 46:43

I mean a lot of people in the sector, yeah. The same. I wouldn’t have wouldn’t want my children to to spend time with them.

Louise: 46:51

No, no, so you know, we we don’t, you know, the efficacy that the sense, you know, we don’t pay enough attention as adults to adults, we don’t tell them, you know, when we employ people or when we train people, we don’t say, can you work on your body language, please? Can you work on what your voice sounds like? Can you stop sounding so depressed? Can you can you not make them feel so uncomfortable? Because you will hold a child’s attention, it’s like teachers as well, you know. If you I I have a child with me now that just won’t go to school. Luckily enough, I work from home mostly, so that’s that’s okay. And I never say you’ve got to go to school, because why would you want to go somewhere every day where people treat you badly when you’ve come from a childhood where you were treated badly, and and people don’t understand if they stood there at the door and greeted the young people and said, Hi, so lovely to see you, hi five or whatever. Come on in, it doesn’t matter if you’re two minutes late, rather than you’ve got detention, you’re late, you’re late. Who wants that? So the whole kind of abuse of power, you know. I see it again and again in these stern faces, and children are not stupid by any means. So I think most of the work we do could be helped if we worked on ourselves first.

Colby: 48:32

I I agree, I think that’s a that’s a really fantastic point, and there is a lot of thinking about how we manage the relationship that we bring to the table, how how we manage ourselves when um when we interact with the children. Um look, Louise, there’s lots more that I could talk to you about. But I also I want to cover a couple of other of other things in the time that we have available. I do wonder though, uh, you do you you seem to stick your neck out a little bit on behalf of the children. Who who’s got your back?

Louise: 49:10

Um I’ve got my back. I’ve earned the coverage of my back through through putting my neck out, sticking my neck on, and finding other people that also stick their neck out. And through the years, we have independently and collectively challenged this the the system, the the the the the behaviors, the policies, because unless you you you do create a little bit of disruption and and agitate, nothing will change. And and um I have my back very beautifully covered by uh a number of people. One of them is Sarah Anderson, who uh, for anyone in fostering in the UK or anywhere actually, because I think her her work is pretty global from foster uh foster wiki, which is basically everything you need to know about fostering from law to to minimum standards. Minimum. Why aren’t they maximum standards? Um to quality standards, yeah, quality standards. Why minimum? Why the bare minimum?

Colby: 50:15

Um I’m sure that’s not what min not what Winnicott meant when he talked about good enough parenting.

Louise: 50:21

No, no, exactly. Well, there’s a conversation, isn’t it? You know, oh my goodness. Um, I think I also have my own back because one thing you learn through the care system is resilience, and I’ve learned to to know what to worry about and what not to worry about, and I’m at a stage in life where I’m still standing and I’m still here and I’m still laughing. So I think with age and experience, I I’m more discerning about what I offer my emotional time to. So yeah, a number of things.

Colby: 50:58

Yeah. Um moving on, I just wanted uh you this the books that you’ve written, um I I think people will be very interested to hear more about uh what inspired you to write them and perhaps even a little bit about what what they cover.

Louise: 51:18

Yeah, the thrown away I wrote my own book for thrown away child. That wasn’t my title when you write these books, it was for Simon Schuster. So you write them and then you kind of, you know, things PR and marketing get put in, and they want a nitty-nitty title. And then after I wrote my first book, I was like, I liked writing, but I I wasn’t a writer, and then I had a big gap, and I was thinking, what do I do with my life now? I’ve written a book. So then I started to write about what I know and what I know as a fostering family. Um, and when you are, you know, no one sees your family. It’s a really weird work because you’re kind of divided up and you we hardly see each other as foster carers. Uh, and when we do gather up, we’re always surrounded by social workers who are very keen to keep us on track and not talk about them. So we we we kind of have these fake conversations. But I I wanted to write the books because mainly for my fellow foster carers, because we live in this mad world and we are treated like babysitters, and foster care is intense work. You you have to enjoy learning, you have to be prepared to spend a lot of your time gathering information to tailor it to every child in your home, because there’s no generalization possible for what we do, and I think um I wrote it because we we are treated badly. Uh I think because that some the the the governments all level see what we do as tradition as gendered work, as women’s work, uh, therefore in a lot of people’s minds, including some uh females in in management and so on, we are lesser, we have a lower value. And what amazes me about being a foster carer is that even though I’d worked as an academic, I have lived experience, and I’m reasonably sharp. Um, I’d set up businesses, I’ve already looked after my children, my stepchildren, they’re all alive, you know, it’s all good. I did all that. When you become a foster carer, you doesn’t matter what you bring with you, all your life experience, we’re all treated like we’re just it’s like a processing. You you just get treated like you now, you’ve got to wear a beige cardigan and you don’t have a voice, and now you’re just seen as a domestic person. It’s really weird. And I think when I was uh teaching, I was in a trade union rep because I wanted to know why there was so much bullying going on in my university with academia, full stop, and so I brought with it this kind of uh awareness of uh you know rights, um human rights, workplace rights, you know, whatever. I I brought all that with me, and so that made me really unpopular straight away because I started going, well, what are we then? We’re foster carers, so we you know, we don’t have a contract, we have an agreement, we don’t we don’t get sick pay or pensions, but we’re meant to work like robots 24-7, not not complain. If we do say we’re tired, then you tell us we’ve got compassion fatigue and we’re useless. So you you I really was startled actually when I became a foster carer, I was a bit freaked out, and then I started looking at all my other foster carers, and we come from the most diverse backgrounds, you’ll never meet a more broad demographic than foster carers, but we’re all glued together. Some foster carers naively think that if they you know, if they uh try and impress and befriend the management, they’d be like the favourite child, and we we sit there going, Oh, they’re gonna throw you under the bus, and they do. Um, so I wrote it for foster carers, I wrote it for education because we don’t get very good training. You have a little bit of skills to foster at the start, and then you’re chucked in looking after these little universes with all their issues and all their problems, and all that you don’t know what you’re dealing with because no one ever really tells you what’s going on, and you have to wait for the bureaucracy and all the rest of it. So I wrote it to to share the the more extreme experiences, but the fun as well, you know. And and in my first book, I wasn’t allowed to be funny because it was misery memoir. And I thought that’s not me. I do like a laugh, thank you, Sean. My lovely Irishman, and taught me to laugh. And most things are funny if you look for it. So I started writing the books about our our life. So my husband, my sons, the dogs always in there, um, and the children that come into our lives, into our home, and and all that goes with it, that their families, you know, how they ended up in care, because they don’t just appear from from space and land in care. There’s a whole backstory, there’s intergenerational trauma, there’s poverty, there’s uh all sorts of issues that bring children into care, and and and then the external world that doesn’t know about the care system thinks they’re naughty children. So you kind I uh I wrote it, I never thought I’d get published. I’m on my 20th now. Um, and it’s uh they they go down, but they they’re uh I I I I seem to a lot of Australian people seem to read my books. Thank you very much. But it’s a bit of a it’s just a real story to la isn’t it? It’s love. I I I tell about all the naughty stuff, you know, like when the social workers are coming, we hide all the wine. Oh dear, yeah, and all that stuff because we’re real people, and like sometimes on a Friday after a big week with the children, a bottle of wine will do nicely, thank you very much. But you can’t, you know, you see you live this old, you know, no one ever tells the truth in this world, it’s layers of lies. The parents don’t tell the truth because they’re they’re in the position of failure and threat from children’s social care. The children don’t tell the truth because they’re loyalties to their parents, uh, and they say a lot of what they think people want to hear because they’re used to it. Foster carers don’t tell the truth because they’re terrified of allegation, the social workers don’t tell the truth because they fear that they might lose the foster carer. Yeah, no one is telling the truth. So I thought, wouldn’t it be fun just to tell the truth?

Colby: 57:57

It’s uh it it sounds inspirational.

Louise: 58:01

Um, and a lot of reggae going on as well, because I I’m always listening to reggae in my studio, so that’s quite funny as well.

Colby: 58:09

Yeah, and you’re an artist as well. Yeah, you’re an artist, and uh you obviously paint regularly. I see I see uh some of your offerings on LinkedIn. Yeah, sponsor me LinkedIn. Uh but yes, there is that, and you know, you you mentioned dogs, the dogs again there, and what I the other thing I really wanted to say when I was telling that ghastly story earlier about Harley, Harla, Harlow and his monkeys. So it’s it’s just about how their preference for warmth and contact comfort rather than food or um you know whoever feeds them, and that’s something that dogs are very good at. They’re very good at, and uh, we don’t have a dog at the moment. My dog died a couple of years ago, my most recent dog. Yeah, and you you feel that lack.

Louise: 59:00

Um, it’s horrible. It’s you know, you start throwing bits of food on the floor, don’t you? And you think, well, why am I doing that? Because there’s no dog not that we should feed dogs at the table, but the um the dogs uh are essential for the work that I do at home. Without the dogs, I could not be uh anywhere near, and I don’t think they get praised enough. You know, they know when to go and sit on a lap and they don’t say anything. They got your back. I’ve got your back.

Colby: 59:31

Yeah.

Louise: 59:32

And I had a child who was a prolific, prolific self-harmer, and I used to leave one of my dogs in their room. Because you have to sleep, you know, sleep is the most valuable thing a foster care can have. And the dog used to come in and wake me up when when they were cutting. When it got too bad, when they were getting close to an archery or something. And I used to to go in and my dog would would all they would cry. If a child cries, the dog will let me know and come and get me. And I find the um it sometimes they make me just cry because they’re just so beautiful, the dogs, and they um they reach children in ways that you know I’ve got one at the moment, I’ve got a small dog who’s a Jack Russell Chihuahua, and this particular child carries. I was gonna get them a kind of uh papoose because they carry the dog around, and the dog the the the front legs on their shoulders and they just stare at each other all the time. I think and that it the dog is giving the love but taking away the pain, and you can see this beautiful cycle. So I could not do the work without dogs. No, I want more dogs.

Colby: 1:00:52

I wondered if I’d like dogs again, but um, yeah, at the moment my children are working on that.

Louise: 1:01:00

One of them has yeah, they’re campaign campaigning.

Colby: 1:01:03

Yeah, well, one of them’s got his own dog, so yeah, and we’re we’re grandparents to the dogysitting rights. Um you tell tell us a little bit about Spark Sisterhood. Because I think um I think you you and I are both completely on the same page as uh you know Aberdeen um people in this sector about just just the the awful circumstances that can befall young people post-care.

Louise: 1:01:37

Yeah, it’s the cliff edge, isn’t it? It really is. Um the last thing I needed to do three years ago was set up a charity. But I’d been into a residential home the year before uh as a guest to do some art and do some uh work with the as uh as someone from the care system. And I, you know, I was talking to a group of girls and they’re all about 15, and I’d say, what and I was quite naive, you know, even though I think I I I get it covered, and then I realize I still don’t know how this system works. And I’d be saying, What are you gonna do? Are you going to college? Are you going to this? Are you going to that? They get a little shrug, you know, that teenage shrug. And I go, Oh, okay. And then, you know, life goes on and whatever. And then one by one, after a few months, they were contacting me on social media. And it’d be, hello Louise, how are you? And I go, hi, darling. But my mum bit would go, What’s going on for you? Where are you? And then I found out that there was about eight girls that had been not bonded, but bonded by circumstance and environment, uh, in residential for a few years, who were now all completely separated. And they were living in uh independent living accommodation, which varied from a tent to luxurious, to being in an unregulated home, looked felt very much like it was run by county lines. And if if you haven’t got county lines in Australia, what it is, it’s criminal, criminal gangs trafficking girls and boys using mainly uh uh children to move drugs and it’s slave labor, which is what my books are about. Um, and it’s all it worked through phone lines, so it’s not train lines as my hairdresser thought, it’s uh phone lines, and it’s a sheer exploitation of children and and our uh we haven’t got the the government and the police services do not have the support uh the resources, thank you, previous governments, to to deal with it, so it’s sheer blatant exploitation, and so I was listening to them, and then you know, you do that thing like oh god’s sake. So I remembered that they all liked red velvet cake because I used to take it in, so I got all their postcodes, I put them in my sat nav, and I went to the shop and I got a carrier bag of food and feminine supplies. I just assumed they need them, and on top of each bag I put a uh a red velvet cake, and I drove round to see them all, and it was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve done because you know, for whatever you say about children in care, they have they have dignity when they need it, and that dignity presents itself as politeness, and that politeness is um a kind of it scares me because it means that they have no, they don’t feel that they have any agency or autonomy, they just silent. And these girls I went to see uh put on uh an insane amount of weight. That was the first thing I noticed, but obviously never said, and I then I’d get to the bottom, they’re too scared to leave their accommodation, they didn’t know how to get on buses because they had been driven everywhere in residential. They were heartbroken because in care, it doesn’t matter how many carers they had, they were told that they were loved, and then when they left, that love disappeared. So now they’d recognize that that love to be paid love for them to say it and totally hollow, and it left them re-traumatized because they’d left they had the rejection of their own families and leaving and having to go into care, and then they so big things that no one thinks about the none of them had really been kept in contact with, they were in isolation, they’d been split up, and this is interesting. Each local authority gave them a different allowance, so some are on £50 a week, which would you know, buy maybe a lunch out for two, and some are on £70 a week. So there’s complete inconsistency. Whilst they were in care, in residential care, they were having their hair done, their nails done, they had clothes allowances, they were going on holidays, you know, everything was blissfully lovely, and then it all stopped. So they didn’t know what to do, but they had developed vape and smoking habits, which were funded by the local uh by the residential home just to keep them quiet, but no one actually so they had developed addictions, so their money went on fags, cigarettes, and vapes before they got fed. And the food they bought was so cheap and nasty that that that’s why they’d put on the weight and they weren’t getting any exercise because they were terrified to go anywhere, they were terrified of the people in the next room. So it was awful. So then I started the charity because I felt that they weren’t going into education. I’d say, why you why are you not going to college? And then when you look at a college timetable, it’s erratic. It’s like, you know, you go in 10 on a Monday, nine on a Tuesday, two on a Wednesday. What they were craving was consistency, what they were craving was routine, what they were craving was validation that they’re okay, not a reminder that they were different. So they couldn’t make friends at college because they had no, they weren’t going to bring them back to their weird accommodation, they didn’t have the money to join in and go to the cinema and go bowling and go out to the pub and do all the normal stuff. They just didn’t know how to do that, and they were probably also being exploited because they, you know, they are so vulnerable because the exploiters of gangs and so on see them and then know they need money and friendship, and they offer another version of family, which is totally corrupt and dangerous. So I set the charity up because of them, and I set it up, and uh first of all, it was a mentorship, and then I and I backed away from that completely because the women that are in business that were quite powerful and I thought could help them were terrifying, and and they would have no relationship. And I knew that they would the girls would turn up because they thought they were awful, and you know, it’s all about those skills that we talked about earlier about welcoming, about non-judgment, and about you know, it’s an art, and not many people have it. So I set up a charity, and I’ve been doing um uh proof of concepts and pilots for nearly uh 18 months now, where we test projects to get the girls’ uh life skills, like teaching them first aid. Uh, we get image consultants in top chefs teaching them about cheap, wonderful food, how to cook. Um, we get uh I’ve got martial arts experts coming in to help them protect themselves both physically, verbally, emotionally. Um, and then we link them up with industry. I’m my main uh drive is to get as many girls into construction, engineering, and tech. That’s where the money is. Because the option, the career options of girls from care are hairdressing, manicurists, care workers for the elderly, or care workers for infants. Now I’m a bit cautious about the care work because they’re still so close to their own trauma, and the others will never get them out of poverty, none of those careers will get them out of the cycle of poverty, and some of them are third generation poverty of unemployment, so it’s working, and I set up a CIC as well to for boys. We have here NEETS, which is not in education, employment, or training, and we’ve got over a million, and it’s not acceptable, it’s not acceptable, and we have uh post-Brexit, we have a lot of really good businesses desperate for workers in the hotel and catering industries in agriculture, and so I’m kind of matching them up, but I have to get the girls and now the boys as well through another project ready to work because you can’t expect employers to lean and bend all the way to meet them and then go into the workplace and disrupt or not know what to do. So we’re teaching them about employment law, we’re teaching them about efficacy, we’re teaching literally how to shake a hand, how to stand straight. We’re doing all the stuff that should have been done if you have a parent that is paying attention. So that’s a charity, it’s growing and growing. I’m just having a round table in London, hopefully with some big, big names, to see how we can do motivational work with them and attract more funding. But yeah, it was an accident like everything I do, Colby. I I don’t mean to, I just end up doing it.

Colby: 1:11:01

I fall into it, yeah.

Louise: 1:11:02

I fall into it.

Colby: 1:11:04

That’s actually been quite a common theme on this podcast. Um generally speaking, the best the best way it’s been put was the the wonderful Peter Wilson, you know, 85 or 86-year-old um uh child and adolescent psychotherapist saying life is a a sequence of serendipities, yeah.

Louise: 1:11:26

Where you just fall into the right, you’re in the right place at the right time to do and uh because it’s so good to hear that because I don’t I always say I don’t have a career, I’ve just been careering around.

Colby: 1:11:40

I don’t know how you get time to do it all, Louise. Where does the time come from? You want a different time scale to the rest of us?

Louise: 1:11:48

I think I’ve to be honest with you, I’ve been working paid work since I was nine, ten. I’ve always had side hustles, I’ve always been pretty focused because I I wanted to get out of poverty, I wanted to get out of care, I wanted to be financially independent because I remember Jermaine Greer, I remember listening on Woman’s hour at the age of like 13. I just caught it saying, Women, to have independence, you must have your own money and that, you know. So it’s like property, what was it, property uh jewelry and something else. I remember thinking I’ve got to get all that because I don’t want to be owned by anyone, I don’t want to ask permission to buy shoes. So I was very determined, and and you can’t make any of this happen from sitting around.

Colby: 1:12:35

Fair enough.

Louise: 1:12:36

No, I knew it was gonna be hard work. Now, if I don’t do anything, I just sleep.

Colby: 1:12:42

Well, maybe that’s the only time you’re not doing something is when you are asleep. Yeah, yeah. Well, look, it’s been wonderful to have you on. It’s been a I think hopefully a really inspiring chat um for and and just a a reminder um to people to remember the humanity of our least fortunate um yeah, uh our least fortunate members of the community. You you and Sarah Anderson have a podcast. Um I I just thought I’d mention that. Um you can you can just as a plug, you can uh say the name of it.

Louise: 1:13:26

Thank you so much. Yes, Sarah Anderson and I are probably the the the most uh uh seasoned campaigners for for foster children and foster carers. You know, we got your backs, and we’ve just launched a podcast called Foster Care Uncovered, the truth from the front line. And we’re getting, you know, some prolific people on there, social work, academics, child uh child psychologists, everything you need about fostering, because without foster carers, there is no fostering, and we want to recruit and look after them.

Colby: 1:14:06

Wonderful. Well, thanks again, Louise, and uh I hope to that we can have another conversation another time, keep in touch.

Louise: 1:14:16

Yeah, and maybe by then you’d have got a dog.

Colby: 1:14:21

Well, uh maybe maybe one of my sons has got um, yeah. Well, maybe maybe we’ve got three dogs, but they they live with my son, so probably more likely to be a company if you think the body is.

Louise: 1:14:41

Thank you so much to have me on Colby, it’s been a delight. Thank you.

The Science of Prevention: How We Can End Child Maltreatment, with Benjamin Perks

The Importance of Attachment and the Science of Prevention in Child Development

In a recent podcast episode, Benjamin Perks, Head of Campaigns and Advocacy at UNICEF, shared profound insights about child development, attachment theory, and the global effort to end child maltreatment. His personal journey from growing up in residential care to becoming a leader in child protection provides a powerful narrative that underscores the importance of positive relationships in childhood development.

Ben emphasizes the concept of the “Four S’s” – secure, safe, seen, and soothed – as essential elements that every child needs to flourish. When children receive these four elements from their family, they develop resilience that protects them from adverse experiences in other environments. When family support is lacking, schools become the critical secondary buffer. The ideal situation, according to Ben, is having all three systems – family, school, and community – committed to ensuring every child experiences these four essential elements. What makes this particularly significant is that we are the first generation in history with the knowledge and resources to ensure universal access to these developmental necessities.

The podcast highlights the alarming prevalence of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and their long-term impact. According to the Center for Disease Control in the United States, each adverse childhood experience significantly increases the risk of negative outcomes across 40 different well-being indicators, from addiction to poor mental health to involvement in crime. This intergenerational cycle of trauma creates what Ben refers to as “relational poverty” – the inability to form healthy relationships due to lack of early relational skills development. This pattern is observable not just in humans but across species, where similar patterns of attachment and development have been documented.

One of the most compelling arguments Ben presents is that child maltreatment can be ended through a public health approach similar to how child mortality was dramatically reduced globally. In the 1980s, when 14-15 million children died annually from preventable diseases, a targeted approach implementing four simple interventions (vaccinations, oral rehydration salts, growth monitoring, and breastfeeding promotion) reduced child mortality by 61% over a decade. Ben proposes that with similar determination and a few key interventions, we could achieve comparable results in reducing child maltreatment.

These key interventions include universal access to evidence-based parenting programs, extended parental leave, universal preschool from age three, and widespread public education about child development and trauma. According to the UN Special Representative on violence against children, while child maltreatment costs societies up to 12% of GDP through various social costs, implementing these preventative measures would cost less than 1% of GDP – making it not just a moral imperative but an economic one as well.

The podcast also explores the complex nature of intergenerational trauma, including collective trauma experienced by communities that have faced historical oppression. As Resmaa Menakem notes, people maladapt to contexts that are passed through generations; the context is forgotten, but the adaptations become culture. This perspective helps explain how trauma patterns persist in communities long after the original traumatic conditions have changed.

Ben’s’ own healing journey demonstrates that recovery is possible at any age. After recognizing the impact of his childhood experiences on his adult life, he underwent therapy that transformed his world “from black and white to color.” This personal transformation enabled him to break the cycle of insecure attachment with his own son, demonstrating that with appropriate intervention, intergenerational patterns can be disrupted. His book, “Trauma Proof: Healing, Attachment and the Science of Prevention,” combines scientific research with personal narratives of healing from around the world, offering both inspiration and practical approaches to addressing childhood trauma.

You can listen to the podcast here:

You can watch here:

About Ben:

Benjamin Perks is the Head of Campaigns and Advocacy in the Division of Global Communications and Advocacy at the United Nations Children’s Fund, based in New York. He leads public and policy advocacy on the development and protection of children. He previously served in human rights diplomacy roles as the UNICEF Representative and UN Resident Coordinator ad interim to both the Republic of North Macedonia and the Republic of Montenegro. In both capacities he advocated for reforms to fulfil international human rights commitments and realization of the Sustainable Development Goals. He has served in Georgia, Kosovo, Afghanistan, India and Albania. He coordinated the Back-to-School campaign in the Northern Afghanistan which brought 3 million children, including 1 million girls, into school-most of them for the first times in their lives. He has led work on demobilization of child solders, deinstitutionalization of children in state care, addressing child poverty, pre-school expansion and disability inclusion.

Related Podcast Episodes:

Professor Julie Taylor:

Listen here:

Watch here:

Transcript:

Colby: 0:01

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Ben: 0:04

This teacher took me under her wing and made a connection with me, and I say in the book that she’s the first adult that I think I really had a proper conversation with. If you grew up without family, your relational skill you have relational poverty. Your relational skills are poor often. Poverty, relational skills are poor often. So family is the primary buffer in that, when family is not able to provide that buffer, school is the next best option.

Ben: 0:34

And what’s really important in relation to my work is that we got the first generation history that can ensure that every parent is able to give the child the four S’s and that every school is able to do that too. But we now know that with three or four, similarly, with three or four simple interventions, we could dramatically reduce child trauma, child maltreatment, risk of trauma. I also think that child maltreatment is something that drives a number of social costs. According to the special representative of the Secretary General of the UN on violence against children, he says it costs us up to 12% of GDP, but the interventions I’m suggesting we make globally available will be less than 1% of GDP. We must be the last generation to see violence against children, maltreatment and trauma as being insurmountable social problems.

Colby: 1:33

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and my guest for this episode is a global leader in child development and protection. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the Ngarrindjeri people of the Lower Murray Lakes and Coorong, on whose land that I’m coming to this podcast from, and I’d like to acknowledge the continuing connection the living Ngarrindjeri people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Benjamin Perks, benjamin Perks.

Colby: 2:28

Ben is Head of Campaigns and Advocacy in the Division of Global Communication and Advocacy at the United Nations Children Fund, based in New York. He leads public and policy advocacy on the development and protection of children. Ben previously served in human rights diplomacy roles as the UNICEF representative and UN resident coordinator at interim to both the Republic of North Macedonia and the Republic of Montenegro. In both capacities he advocated for reforms to fulfil international human rights commitments and realisation of the Sustainable Development Goals. Ben has served in Georgia, kosovo, afghanistan, india and Albania. He coordinated the Back to School campaign in northern Afghanistan, which brought three million children, including 1 million girls, into school, most of them for the first time in their lives. He has led work on demobilisation of child soldiers, deinstitutionalisation of children in state care, addressing child poverty, addressing child poverty, preschool expansion and disability inclusion.

Colby: 3:47

Ben is Senior Fellow at the Jubilee Centre at the University of Birmingham in the UK, which researches education policy on character, social and emotional development of children, and he is an Associate Faculty Member at Oxford University Department of Social Policy and Innovation. Ben is recognised as a public speaker and campaigner on child development and protection. His book Trauma Proof Healing, attachment and the Science of Prevention is out now.

Ben: 4:22

Welcome, ben. Thank you very much, colby. It’s great to be with you, connecting from New York to you in Australia. I’m very glad to be on your podcast.

Colby: 4:34

Yeah, thank you, owen. Thank you very much for agreeing to be on, and I was just wondering and I give all my guests this opportunity is there anything that you’d like to add to that bio of your work?Ben: 4:48

yeah, a couple of other things. I I lead globally for the un on international day of play, which is a new ua, the outcome of a new un resolution, and obviously play is central to child development and child protection. So I’ll be talking about that, I guess, a little bit in the conversation today. But also just to add that everything I talk about today and everything that I’ve written in my book is in a personal capacity. I’m not speaking on behalf of the UN or UNICEF or anybody apart from myself today, so I just wanted to to be clear on that as well. Yeah, excellent.

Colby: 5:23

Terrific. So, ben, tell us how you got into this work that you’re, this really important work that you’re doing and have done across your career.

Ben: 5:34

I think there are three kind of major turning points. I think the first one is that I was in. I grew up the second half of my childhood in residential care in children’s homes. I was in. I grew up the second half of my childhood in residential care in children’s homes. I was in Birmingham and in London. I lived a lot on the streets, I ran away a lot, I was involved with gangs and other kinds of kinds of activities. And then suddenly at 16, I had the opportunity to become an activist in London for the rights of young people in care. And that’s my first job, my first serious job at the age of 16, a full-time activist. Um, so, so that was how I became a campaigner. That’s how a campaigner was born, I think.

Ben: 6:15

And then, secondly, a few years later, when I was at university, it was very rare for somebody from a children’s home to go to university in the UK. Uh, in those days it’s still quite rare, but it’s uh, the prospects are a little bit better now than they were back in my day. But I was really passionate at university about Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement and Gandhi. I read endlessly about their work to change the situation of segregation and structural racism in the United States. Also the effort of Gandhi to build a movement against colonialism, the passive resistance and all of this very well-disciplined campaign work, and that made me really think that I want to dedicate my life to real change, not performative work but real change that delivers outcomes. And one of my heroes in the civil rights history of the United States was a guy called Ralph Bunch who was a big figure, an African-American guy who became a big figure in the early days of the United Nations and he became kind of a hero to me and I then thought about a career in the UN.

Ben: 7:29

So at the end of my first year at university I somehow managed to organise to go to Croatia and there was a middle of a conflict Croatia and Bosnia and Croatia. I somehow went on the bus to Croatia and kind of talked my way in to a role, a temporary role, in UNICEF, and took a year out and worked on that and I was hooked. So I I had very much of like a bog standard UNICEF kind of career. I I did very well I, when I finished my master’s degree a few years later I went back to the organization and, you know, worked my way up towards being a head of office and all of that.

Ben: 8:12

But finally when, when I became a head of office, you know, in a formal diplomatic UN role I was at a meeting where there was a conversation about deinstitutionalization and somebody was talking about attachment research and I heard it for the first time. I was sitting there and I realized the guy who was talking, the professor, was talking about the outcome, the adult outcomes, of insecure attachment in childhood relationships. All of that and I saw myself in everything that he was saying. So I went into a period of therapy for a year and then I became a passionate campaigner on issues like child trauma, attachment, and that’s the journey that brought me to write the book and that added another very personal stream of work to the work I’d already been doing on children’s rights. Very long-winded answer, but those three points were crucial in bringing me to where I am now.

Colby: 9:13

Yeah, that’s awesome and I also am a little bit interested in attachment as well and written a bit about it. But do you remember the name of the fellow who who, um, first introduced you to attachment?

Ben: 9:28

but that’s yes, you know, I’m getting to an age where I think that I forget things, so it’s uh, it’s uh, it’s professor from uh university of nottingham, and it will come back to me during the course of the conversation and I’ll probably blurt it out when it comes back to me okay, awesome, so I’m just queuing your recall for that, perhaps at a later date.

Colby: 9:50

You’ve talked a bit about influences in terms of your circumstances and the roles that you’ve gotten into. Are there any people that really stand out for you as having played a role and been a big influence over your career development? And you’ve mentioned attachment. Maybe you can tell us why you think attachment is so important in your work as well so well in terms of, um, in terms of people that have influenced me.

Ben: 10:23

I write a lot in my book. My book tells lots of stories of different people, but I write a bit about my own as well, and one of the things that was transformative for me was I had a teacher when I was 15. I’d been thrown out of school. I had a best friend who’d been killed in a knife fight. I I had, uh, I was in a very tense inner city poverty care, you know situation, no parents or anything like that. But this teacher, um, somehow, in this, in his school for kids that have been kicked out of school, this teacher took me under under her wing and made a connection with me, and I say in the book that she’s the first adult that I think I really had a proper conversation with as a child.

Ben: 11:08

I was 15. And her name is Jan Report. And when I had this moment, when I listened to this professor from Nottingham giving this talk about attachment, at the end of it I went into this process of therapy. But I also tracked down my teacher in that process, because I wanted to go back and tell her what I’d done with my life and I would have done none of it without her. And so I went back and met her, having not seen her since childhood, and that was incredible. And now now every year when we go back to the UK, we go and see her. I took my son to meet her last year and so so that’s a really pivotal person.

Ben: 11:52

I also had a great social worker. At one point there was a good residential social worker in the children’s home. I had a couple of good friendships when I was young and also eventually also became kind of connected to a family that had reached out over some campaigning work that I was doing. I think that makes all the difference, because if you grow up in a without family, your relational skill you have relational poverty. Your relational skills are poor often and so you know, because you just don’t. It’s like a muscle. You have to grow relational skills and I hadn’t so many things that people learn in a family. I hadn’t really learned them.

Colby: 12:35

I grew up in a, in a survival mode, um, but somehow I managed to have these friendships and uh, attract this support and engagement, and I think all of it meant the world to me and I wouldn’t be here today without those people yeah, that’s an awesome story and it puts me in mind of two things the, the idea that comes from the one good adult research, that that all the child needs is one adult who believes in them, who’s’s there for them, who truly listens to them and helps them. And then there’s the other idea, which is that it takes a village. Now, I think both of those concepts they may be seen as being mutually exclusive, but I think that they sit comfortably alongside each other. The one helps the other, particularly the one good adult helps the other. I do think that when children grow up in adversity relational adversity the more good relationships they have, the better the outcomes.

Colby: 13:40

And I was speaking to someone relatively recently and apologies if you’re listening, and it was you and I can’t remember who it was, but he talked about that it takes a village. The construct at the very beginning was referring to, or at least meant to take into account, peer relationships, so that the important role of peers in children’s up, children growing up and and and I can see how that fits with with social learning theory, for example. So I guess, attachment theory what is it about attachment theory that has influenced your, your career since that introduction?

Ben: 14:24

I want to come back to what you were just saying about peers, community, trusted adult and then lead that into the conversation about attachment and how that influences my work. So I think that you know Dr Daniel Segal and Tina Penny Bryson have this brilliant expression of I think it comes from them the four A’s, sorry, the four S’s. So it’s to be secure, safe, seen and soothed. And the idea is that for children to flourish they need to have those four S’s. If a child has them at home with the family, that’s really important, particularly for early development, uh, early childhood development, to set that secure base and safe haven. We know that early experiences we don’t remember things that happened to us before the age of two, but they are disproportionately and massively influential on the way we see the world for the rest of our life and for the opportunities that we will have and the constraints that we will have.

Ben: 15:32

So that’s really important in the family.Ben: 15:34

But if a child is not safe, seen, soothed and secure in the family, then if they have the four S’s in school, that can help to some extent to heal and prevent them going on a trajectory that is driven by trauma and toxic stress and help them to build relationships and so on.

Ben: 15:58

That’s why the teacher was so important to me by reverse, if children are safe, seen, secure and suited at home and then they go to a rough school, that resilience that they get from the forest is at home will protect them from the trauma of the school or a war zone or a gang infested neighborhood. So family is the primary buffer um in that when family is not um able to provide that buffer, school is the next best option. Certainly it’s the community um. But the idea, the ideal world is you want to have all three of those things family, school, community, committed to, intentional about ensuring that every child is secure, safe, safe, seen and soothed. And what’s really important in relation to my work is that we are the first generation in history that can ensure that every parent is able to give the child, the four S’s, and that every school is able to do that too, and we know that that can be achieved for a fraction of what is lost by not doing it. That’s how it influences my work, yeah.

Colby: 17:12

Awesome. I understand from your work you have a powerful belief that we can end child maltreatment. Tell us a little bit more about why you think that to be the case.

Ben: 17:27

Let me tell you another story that brings me back to this. In 1980, and I talk about this in the book in 1980, in University of Birmingham in the UK, an American public health professional delivered a paper in which he argued that we could I think 14 or 15 million children die every year from preventable disease that if we could just do four things if we could vaccinate every child globally, if we could provide oral rehydration salts to treat diarrheal diseases which can be deadly, if we could monitor the growth of children and if we could promote breastfeeding, then we could dramatically reduce that. Unicef and WHO got hold of that paper and had a really complex internal conversation with many people against the idea, but some of them championed the idea of making this a reality. And over the next 10 years they mobilized a coalition of royals, of heads of state, of community organizations, of religious leaders all around the world and they increased vaccine coverage, for example, from 15% of the world’s children to around 85% of the world’s children and in the decade that followed, child mortality under five mortality reduced by 61%. Everybody thought they were crazy in the beginning. Everybody thought that this was insurmountable, but they did it. And if you look back on every single um global achievement, whether it’s a massive expansion of education, whether it’s massive expansion of availability to um, to to clean water, or prevention of child labor or child marriage. There has been a really audacious drive to do that.

Ben: 19:21

Um, child maltreatment is something that is a problem everywhere. It’s not just in the global south, it’s a problem everywhere. But we now know that with three or four, similarly, with three or four simple interventions, we could dramatically reduce child trauma, child maltreatment, risk of trauma, toxic stress, all of that. Things like universal access to evidence-based parenting programs, a minimum package of parenting programs that we now know, through systematic review, can improve child outcomes, reduce risk and maltreatment and even improve parental mental health outcomes. Secondly, parental leave making parental leave a universal norm, dramatically increasing parental leave, recognising it as a public good. Thirdly, ensuring that children from the age of three in preschool are in schools where they are safe and secure and seen and soothed.

Ben: 20:22

And fourthly, making people aware. If you think about it, people are aware of influenza or the common cold or how to manage a knee injury. Right, they know this stuff. It’s part of family conversation, it’s something that’s common knowledge. Really, child maltreatment, trauma and all of that is no more complex than the transmission of influenza. It’s not more complex. It is shrouded in taboo and stigma and shame and myth. But we can break all of those myths. We can break all of those constraints and make it something where everybody’s aware of the basics to underpin those changes.

Ben: 21:01

With those interventions, I believe we could dramatically reduce child maltreatment. I also think that child maltreatment is something that drives a number of social costs, right From addiction to poor mental health, to risk of being a perpetrator or victim of all kinds of violence, from gang violence to political violence to domestic violence. It puts us at risk of poor health and poor learning outcomes. And all of that, according to the special representative of the Secretary General of the UN on violence against children, says it costs us up to 12% of GDP, but the interventions that I’m suggesting we make globally available will be less than 1% of GDP. So we lose trillions by not addressing problems before they occur at scale, and that’s something I think we’re the first generation to be able to do that, and I think, because of that, we must be the last generation to see violence against children, maltreatment and trauma as being insurmountable social problems.

Colby: 22:09

Yeah, yeah, that’s terrific. While you were speaking there, my mind was going to what the universal parental education would look like, what the intervention into schools might look like. I wonder if you would comment on each of those things.

Ben: 22:39

Sure. So in terms of the parental parenting programs, they can be delivered in a number of ways In some countries because they already are available in about 25% of countries targeted not universal Right and what? The most common format is a home visit. That home visit often it’s bundled with a health visit, and so a home visitor comes and talks to you about health things like vaccines and nutrition, but also talks to you about play, engagement, positive discipline and all of that, and often a minimum package of that. A few visits in early childhood and then, like booster sessions, critical milestones like before adolescence can make all the difference. You know as an attachment expert that Bowlby and Ainsworth said that when a parent is able to either process their own insecure attachment or come up with a strategy for parenting, they’re much less likely to transmit it. And who and oxford university and unicef and others have done a vast systematic review with um hundreds of random I think 460 randomized controlled trials all over the world and found that parenting programs really make a difference. So there should be a minimum package of visits, but then progressive, in the sense that those that need more support can get more visits. This can also be backed up by things like group sessions. In South Africa, for example, they have group sessions for parents, but also grandparents, to talk about how they can ensure the best outcomes for their children. Also, apps are beginning to show real breakthroughs. There are some apps. I think there’s an app in India that reaches 20 million people. Unicef has an app called Bebo. There are many different apps which are actually really helpful for parents who are trying to access evidence based information. So I think you can have an ecosystem that has all of these things, with quality control supported by organizations like UNICEF, who and others.

Ben: 25:11

In terms of parental leave, I think every country in the world should be having a very minimum WHO standard of six months for the birth parent and four months for the other parent, but it could be all foster parents as well, or adoptive parents. I think it should be much more. The Scandinavian countries are showing a really good model for that um. I think that’s really important. Then, having family-friendly workplaces attached to that is also a part of that, that package.

Ben: 25:29

And then schools really having um systems in place where teachers would create a system where where where children are seen and safe and secure, and where teachers are aware of trauma. They’re aware of the prevalence of trauma, because in an average classroom of 30 kids, half of the kids have experienced an adverse childhood experience, a risk factor for trauma and toxic stress. So you know, this idea from the past that you know it’s one or two kids in a class that are in touch with the social work system that are the really vulnerable kids is wrong, recognising that it is across the board and what we need to do is make sure that kids have a strong sense of belonging and uh, um and you know uh, connection with a teacher and, as you mentioned earlier, peers.

Colby: 26:28

the peers thing is really important in adolescence because, of course, in adolescence, it’s peer relationships that are the most important thing for children yeah, yeah, thank you, and um, have you had an opportunity to observe or otherwise get a sense of what the uptake of these measures might be across Western and non-Western countries, jurisdictions, western and non-Western?

Ben: 27:01

countries, jurisdictions. Yeah, I think there’s a lot of enthusiasm, very little resistance to parenting programs, which is interesting because a parenting program often is like going into the house, going into the home, but there’s a lot of hunger for parenting skills. You know, I think increasingly the world is talking about the fact that many of us grow up with intergenerational issues of trauma or or neglect at home. Um, and then even people that haven’t got that want to know what’s the best way of securing the best future for their kid. So I see a lot of um support and interest and very little resistance. I I speak to people that I interview, people in the book that are receiving parenting programmes, people that deliver them, for example, and there’s a lot of interest and I think it’s just a question of making it a normal thing, normal part of childhood, a normal part of parenting, the way that vaccines is or the way that schools are.

Colby: 28:02

Yeah, sometimes I talk about how birds don’t have bird parenting experts that teach them how to raise their birds, and neither do wolves or, you know, even the other great apes. So there is that view that parental advice and guidance is really not necessary, that we are meant to be the most sophisticated, uh, of at least of the great apes, if not of the whole entire animal kingdom, on this. How, why, why can’t, why do we need parenting experts? We, we’ve, you know, we’ve been parented ourselves. We’ve learned from the things that our parents do well and the things that our parents don’t do so well. Um, and we, we must have a, an inbred instinct, just like other members of the animal kingdom. Do what? What would you say to that?

Ben: 29:14

well, they do research on rats I think it’s. My community does research on rats and what they do is they see the same patterns of poor attachment in other animals and they see that those that are licked and groomed by their parent have much better outcomes, are much more likely to go out into the world and be a success by rat standards, right, and so it’s the same as humans. You know it’s the same as humans. We know that humans that don’t grow up with a strong sense of being safe and loved are more likely to have poorer interpersonal relationships, are more likely to do poorly in school, to be addicted, to have all of these problems.

Ben: 30:03

You know the Center for Disease Control in the United States, the major public health institution, has an index of 40 different well-being indicators, from suicide to osteoporosis to addiction, everything, everything, and there’s almost a step increase every risk of negative outcome for every adverse childhood experience a person has had. So somebody that has been suffered emotional neglect emotional via verbal violence, for example, and physical violence and witness domestic violence, for example these are four things quite common, all of them very common is multiple times more likely to have a poor outcome across all of those 40 well-being indicators. So that’s why really I think we do have an instinct, that’s why really I think we do have an instinct, but for maybe at least 40% of us, that instinct is driven by intergenerational trauma, toxic stress, neglect and violence.

Colby: 31:18

And we, now that we know because we didn’t know throughout history, now that we we know, we should be able to stop that cycle and make people you know, ensure that people can flourish yeah, it put me in mind of when you were talking about the rats, because when I’m delivering training, I’ll uh, I will talk also about another group of rats, the rats that were in skinner’s operant conditioning experiments. And people go oh, aren’t you supposed to be an attachment person rather than a behavioural person, when, in actual fact, there should be a lot. In my view, and this is what Bowlby did there should be a lot more cross-fertilisation of ideas and theories and knowledge, rather than siloing of ideas and theories and knowledge, rather than siloing Skinner with his rat experiments and the operant conditioning paradigm. It was really quite interesting because, though he didn’t go down that path at least not that I’m aware of there is a group of rats and pigeons in his research that are very much like our children, who’ve experienced grossly inadequate care, and they’re the rats and pigeons who are in an inconsistent reinforcement paradigm. They got their needs met inconsistently in response to a gesture, and the gesture was to either peck a button or push down on a lever, and the operant conditionings paradigm teaches us a lot about learning and adjustment in those circumstances. So and I also, while you were talking, I was thinking about a conversation I had with a previous guest. It may actually have been a YouTube video, I’m not sure which.

Colby: 33:07

But talking about these now, I’m hoping I’m not going to butcher it, but I think they were mosquitoes. You can put mosquitoes into a jar and they try to get out of the jar. You put all these, but if you, and if you so, they kind of go up and down in the jar. Now, if you put some clear film halfway up the jar, that prevents them going all the way to the top and and getting out after a while, you can take the clear film away and they’ll never try and jump out of the jar. They just go up and down, and that’s really interesting, I guess, until and you think, well, you know, they’ve just learnt that that’s as high as they can go.

Colby: 33:58

Well, this is where it gets really interesting, which is that their offspring also only jump as high. So their offspring don’t go out of the, notwithstanding that there’s no longer a clear film to stop them from getting out. They only go as high as their parents do, and I think that’s. You’ve spoken a little bit about the cost of child maltreatment, but that seems to bear quite significantly. Uh as well. Uh, on that, that issue, that, um. You know, what are we transmitting down through the generations?

Ben: 34:39

the, the positive psychologists, I think, would describe what you’ve just described as learned helplessness, seligman would. That’s what happens. I think that happens often with communities already beaten down. Yeah, I think that. Yeah, I guess that it’s obvious now from psychology, from neuroscience, from population level data, that a lot of these things are intergenerational, that you know they are acquired characteristics from you know that are transmitted through the culture of families.

Ben: 35:28

And, of course, resmei Mannequin, who’s a leading scholar on mental health and race in the United States, says it really well. He says that you know that people respond. He’s talking often about racism and slavery in the United States, but people respond. He’s talking often about racism and slavery in the United States, but people respond they maladapt to a context that’s passed on through generations. The context is forgotten and it becomes the culture, and I think that’s something that is often seen in communities that have been oppressed and affected by collective trauma, if they don’t have the, the holocaust and slavery and also the situation of the native American Indians and the boarding schools, which would have a lot in common with um, with with the um, aboriginal, uh and Torres Strait Islander community in Australia I hope I’m saying that correctly in Australia, um, I think, I think there’s a there’s also. We think, as well as thinking about individual, um trauma, we also need to think about communal trauma.

Colby: 36:48

Yeah, yeah, and I think the the other thing that was, I guess. Well, the thing that was going through my mind as well in relation to the, the mosquito story is I is that we can’t do nothing If we do nothing. It just gets, as you say, transmitted, transmitted through the generations. But if we can but it might be too simplistic to say this but if you can change the course or the trajectory of one generation, then you end up with perhaps a multi-generational change of trajectory. So when you talk about we had the opportunity to end child maltreatment, and the impact of doing that and the importance of that endeavour really is not just for those children and young people who otherwise would have had quite an adverse experience growing up, but you’re changing the trajectory for their life partners, their children and their grandchildren. So yeah.

Ben: 38:06

So if you look at an issue like crime, if you go to most juvenile justice facilities, the young people that are involved in crime continuously, and serious crime, over 90% have four or more adverse childhood experiences.

Ben: 38:29

If you could, um prevent adverse childhood experiences before they occur, um, from what we can see, it would have a dramatic increase on propensity to commit crime, to be involved in violence, to take risk, because risk is related to the adolescent brain.

Ben: 38:49

You know it’s adolescent brain development, right? So you have. If you have this toxic combination of poor attachment and trauma in early childhood crashing against the really complex process of adolescent brain development, you have this really high risk and almost all children at very serious risk of being exploited or being involved in crime or violence are coming from those kind of backgrounds. If you speak to people that dealt with the Epstein case the girls that were targeted or if you look at radicalisation, or look at the kind of people that end up in far right groups or people that end up addicted or victims of grooming, almost exclusively coming from very high ace backgrounds, if you could eradicate most forms of adversity by ensuring that children have the four S’s in both the family and school and community early on, then you’re going to completely transform all of those risks across society, making society a much better place for the future and for future generations.

Colby: 40:08

Yes, yeah, and one of my earlier guests was Graeme Kerridge, who has had perhaps a not dissimilar career history, as you have, except in other organisations, but he was very interesting. We’ve had a number of people who have an economics background on this on this podcast, who, um, who moved into the, this social care, uh, into the social care arena and but anyway he, graham carriage, was very interested in human capital as part of his economic background and again, this really ties in with what we’re talking about. This idea of human capital is the human capital gains of reducing or eliminating the prevalence of adverse childhood experiences is significant. Yeah, yeah, you’ve mentioned your book. Well, I mentioned it first, but then you mentioned your book a few times Trauma proof, and let me read the healing attachment and the science of prevention. And let me read the Healing Attachment and the Science of Prevention.

Colby: 41:33

I think I’ve butchered it every single time. I’ve tried to say it. But tell us about your book. Tell us. You’ve mentioned stories. I’m getting really excited about reading it now. So there you go. I haven’t read it yet, but I only just recently learned that it was already out, so I’m looking forward to it. But tell us a bit about your book and who you think it would be of most interest and usefulness to.

Ben: 42:07

Well, the first thing is I probably need a new title if it doesn’t slip off the tongue so easily, because it won’t get that kind of contagion, don’t worry about it.

Colby: 42:18

It’s not unusual for me to struggle with verbal fluency. It’s pretty, it’s a bit embarrassing being both verbose and not particularly verbally fluent.

Ben: 42:34

Oh, you’re doing fine, yeah. So I wanted to write a book that would present this argument that you could end child maltreatment, and you bring all the data together, the economics of it and all of that and all the science. So I talk about the history of attachment theory and, and, uh, the evolution of aces and our understanding of toxic stress, um, some of the economic arguments about return on investment. That comes from james james heckman at university of chicago. Loads and loads of science, but I also do lots of storytelling. Um, when I went to the agent and the publisher and said I want to do a book about how you end child maltreatment, they said that’s great, but you need to include something else as well, which is you’ve got something to say about how people heal, right, how you healed and how others heal. So it has to be about healing and prevention and attachment. So the book, in addition to putting forward the idea that we can end child maltreatment, it also argues the case that we can heal at any age. Almost everybody can go through some kind of healing process and, as a result of that um have a much better quality of life. So every chapter tells a story of somebody and the stories are from all over the world, um. So the first part of the book is really focused on kind of the, the, the, the prevalence of uh, child maltreatment, the parameters of it, what we know about it. The second part is really focused on parenting and talks about parenting programs and parental leave, but through stories. So, for example, the one on parental leave. I do a comparison between two different families, one in Alabama in the United States, where they have really harsh policies on parental leave, and one in Estonia where they have the most progressive policies in the world, and looks at what happened to the parents through both different processes. Then there’s a part about schools and community and crime. And then there’s a part about collective trauma, societal issues like myth and stigma and taboo. And the final part is really my call to action on what we should be doing about all of this. And it tells something of my own story as well.

Ben: 45:06

My own story about intergenerational the issue of healing and intergenerational trauma is kind of this you know, I lived most of my life as an outwardly successful person who was really not having um. You know the quality of life I would have because of the way that I felt inside, which is completely normal if you grow up without parents. You know, viol, the quality of life I would have because of the way that I felt inside, which is completely normal if you grow up without parents. You know Viola Davis says you grow up with this sense that you’re wrong Not that you’ve done something wrong, but that you are wrong and living with that inside me the whole time, while being outwardly successful and doing well and suppressing it. You know, it was something that I kind of thought was normal and then, when I realized that I lived with all of that trauma inside of me, um, I went through a transformation, through healing, uh, seeing a therapist and changing my life. It felt like the world went from black and white to color, and then when to colour. And then when I got married and we had our son, I held my son in my arms and I just instinctively knew or felt that what happened to me as a child was completely unimaginable to myself. The cycle had just broken. I got what you experts would call an insecure attachment, like I would walk to the end of the earth to protect, love, nurture my son. And that’s something that I thought very consciously of because I’d had to go through a lot of work to become, to become the kind of person that could instinctively feel that um.

Ben: 46:56

So that’s my healing journey, but I talk about lots of other people’s healing journeys as well. There’s a guy that was a gang member in Glasgow who was in prison and went through a process of change. There was a, a woman here from new york that was born into um to a crack affected family. Her parents died, which is very young, um, and she had a teacher that helped her and now she’s a big-time campaigner in washington dc for disadvantaged kids.

Ben: 47:23

All these amazing people, scottish member of parliament, um, who had post-natal depression, who talks publicly about it. All these different, amazing people. I got to interview them also on the Holocaust and slavery and other things, all of that. There’s a famous saying by the writer James Baldwin and I can’t quote it exactly, I’ll probably butt-tread. But you think your suffering and pain is personal, pervasive, pervasive, permanent, personal to you. But then you read dostoevsky or tolstoy and you realize that a couple of hundred years ago elsewhere in the world, people going through the same thing and like putting together these different stories of healing and trauma from all around the world, completely different cultures, but people going through broadly the same thing, I think was really cathartic for me and I think for the people I interviewed as well, and hopefully it’s uplifting for people that would read it.

Colby: 48:21

Awesome. Where can you get a copy most easily?

Ben: 48:26

Well, you know, it’s on uh. It’s on uh kindle audible audio and a hard copy. It’s available, I think, through most good bookshops where you are in australia. I get feedback from people that read in australia and in most places there is a different version in North America because there’s a different publisher. There’s a different audible audiobook in North America and the one in North America went through a second round of editing, came out a bit later, so it’s slightly different, but they’re probably the same thing. So it’s available everywhere, I think.

Colby: 49:07

I hope yeah, if it’s not, let me know you haven’t gone on done what I did. I mean, not long after my first book came out, I was on the internet to look where it was coming out and what people were saying about it.

Ben: 49:20

Yeah, yeah, I do do that. You know it generally had good reviews so far. This has been a very busy year in my regular job with the UN. You know the UN’s gone through a lot of changes and so I haven’t had as much time as I wish to promote it. But I’m going to be doing a bit more of that now. I hope it just came out at the beginning of this year. It came out in April in North America, so it’s relatively new, yeah, yeah terrific.

Colby: 49:51

It’s been awesome to have you on and have a chat to you, Ben, about your life and work. I’ve asked you a lot of questions. Is there anything you’d like to ask me before we wrap up?

Ben: 50:03

What do you think about? You’re an attachment expert. What do you think about the idea that we could be the first generation to end child maltreatment if we have a public health approach to it?

Colby: 50:18

I think, in considering my response, I think we live in slightly different worlds, and what I mean by that by saying that, is that I think where I live and work and I’m not talking about here in Adelaide, south Australia, I’m talking about the level of where I sit in terms of exposure to child maltreatment I think it can be really hard for people to think and believe or even consider that what we’re dealing with every day, what we’re seeing, what we’re immersed in, I would say, can be ended or at least significantly reduced in some way. I think we all believe that if that happened and that happened and that happened, you know we’ve all got ideas about how you could end it. I think the benefit of the argument that you’re making is that it’s a bit like the difference between thinking and metacognition. So thinking is just thinking, as we always do, the thoughts that come into our head, and those thoughts are very much linked to what’s happening, you know, to our experience of ourselves, of our surroundings, of our life, that our thoughts are very much linked to emotion. Metacognition is thinking, about thinking, and it’s that higher order thinking where we’re noticing what we’re thinking, where we’re noticing what we’re experiencing, and at that level, we are less emotionally attached to what we’re noticing as such, and this is the foundation of certain therapeutic traditions that exist now, the foundation of certain therapeutic traditions that that exist now. And so I think the benefit of what you are advocating and talking about is perhaps, um, you’ve had, you you’ve had direct personal experience and I think direct parent personal experiences is very important but you’re able, you, you’ve risen above in a way. You’ve risen above and been able to take that more, that meta view, um, and I think so, I think probably a lot of people in who work in it, in this, in those systems, I think if they had time to be able to go to a metacognitive place, to be able to, and maybe your book will help, maybe your book will be a source of tremendous comfort and inspiration for the workers on the ground.

Colby: 53:32

That’s who I’m really referring to and who I count myself one amongst, is the workers on the ground. I think the book, as you describe it, perhaps will present some hope that there are things that can be done at a systems level or a government level, a country level, an international level, that can make a meaningful impact on child protection. So that’s how I would say it is that I think. I think it’s. It’s probably hard for the people at the coalface to, but uh, but necessary for them to feel like something can be done, because when you’re at the coalface you just think, oh, it’s very hard, yeah that’s a brilliant point.

Ben: 54:31

I gave a talk recently at oxford and do a lot of practitioners there and I was describing this public health approach that I’m promoting. They said, well, what about the family that doesn’t respond to parenting? Or what about this? You know this or that, and they won’t get it? And I think it’s not.

Ben: 54:49

I think what you’re doing with the public health approach is a long-term process. Yes, right, like you, you started off in like 1980 where people thought it was normal, insurmountable, that millions of children died and then, gradually, as pieces were built on the audacity of saying that we can end this, there was a whole system, a public health system in place. Uh, that could protect you, I think. I think it’s like that. I think that you’re, you’re gonna, you know you’re gonna have, with a kind of really public health approach, you can have improvements across the board over time, but you’re always going to have those hard to reach kind of parts of the community that need more work. And I think it’s a long-term process where you change the whole culture of society around the issue over a generation. Yeah, I think that’s the approach, but we have to start the work.

Colby: 55:41

Yeah, look, and I think that in my own jurisdiction here and many jurisdictions, people at the coalface who are on the ground doing child protection work all the time. Morale is often compromised and there is a risk of people becoming quite cynical about the work, and I think it’s and that’s a shame. It’s a shame for them, but it’s also a shame for the people who come into contact with them and you know the families that are struggling, the children who can’t, for a period of time, be safely cared for at home, and I think everyone gets involved in this, wanting to make a difference. We all want it, but sometimes there’s a risk that it can seem like it will never end and there’s a degree of hopelessness.

Colby: 56:49

I think one of the power, powerful thing, messages of what you’re talking about is we’ve done it, we’ve done it before, we’ve done it in other, in other ways, in another, in other areas.

Colby: 57:02

Of course, we haven’t reduced it to zero, we haven’t eradicated all diseases, but we have had a. We have had a good and sustained crack at a number of things and seen a global, a significant global reduction, if not elimination, of um certain ills that that beset us in this life and why not? Child protection as well. And the other thing I think about that message and I often ask guests this later in the podcast I’ve avoided asking you any questions that might come hard up against your role in the UN and not wanting to be seen as speaking on behalf of the UN and not wanting to be seen as speaking on behalf of the UN. But I think a book like yours should be inspirational at multiple levels of the work and in particular, I would say, at the level of the policymakers, the level of government, the level of the policy makers, the level of government. So I think, hope, hope in a direction to get us out of, away from and towards a better future for our children, their children and grandchildren as well.

Ben: 58:27

Thank you very much and, on the back of what you just said, can I just end by saying massive gratitude to all the people that work in the child protection workforce, both in Australia and all around the world. Yeah, terrific.

Colby: 58:43

Thanks, ben, and hope to speak to you again at another time.

Ben: 58:49

Absolutely Thank you. It’s been a real pleasure. Thank you very much, Colby.

Building Hope: Lighthouse Foundation’s Legacy of Love

The Lighthouse Foundation: Transforming Youth Homelessness Through Relationships and Community

In a world where vulnerable children and youth often fall through the cracks of support systems, the Lighthouse Foundation stands as a beacon of hope. Founded 33 years ago by Susan Barton AM, this Australian organisation has pioneered a therapeutic approach to youth homelessness that focuses on healing through relationships, community involvement, and long-term support.

Susan’s journey began over four decades ago when a life-changing experience in Sri Lanka opened her eyes to the suffering of vulnerable children. Witnessing malnourished babies in dire conditions prompted a profound personal transformation. Upon returning to Australia, Susan discovered that while Australian children weren’t dying of severe malnutrition, they faced different challenges, with youth suicide rates among the highest in the Western world. This realisation sparked her mission to create safe homes for homeless youth, beginning with fostering teenagers who had nowhere else to go.

What started as Susan opening her home to vulnerable young people evolved into a comprehensive therapeutic model. The Lighthouse model isn’t merely about providing shelter; it’s about creating healing communities where young people can form meaningful relationships and begin their journey to recovery. Their approach has yielded remarkable results, with 87% of young people leaving Lighthouse never returning to homelessness again, effectively breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

Central to Lighthouse’s success is their understanding that relationships are the primary vehicle for healing. Their therapeutic residential care homes provide young people with consistent, emotionally available adults who don’t just “do to” but “be with” children and their families. The organisation supports young people up to 25 years of age—far beyond what most services offer—and continues relationships through their “On For Life” program, recognising that healing takes time and that young people need ongoing support, just as they would in a family environment.

The Lighthouse model incorporates several unique elements that distinguish it from traditional approaches. Community committees surround each home, creating a network of supportive adults who act as surrogate extended family. Regular reflective practice helps carers understand their own emotional responses and how these might impact their work with young people. Their psychosocial screening ensures that everyone in the organisation, from therapeutic carers to board members, aligns with their values and approaches.

Perhaps most revolutionary is their approach to birth families. Lighthouse understands that children who have been abused by their parents don’t stop loving their parents—they stop loving themselves. By working non-judgmentally with parents and involving them in their children’s healing journey, they honour the importance of family connection to identity and recovery. Their Young Parents and Babies Programme supports young parents to heal from their own childhood trauma while raising their children free from inherited emotional wounds, embodying their philosophy: “We care for the parents so they can care for their children.”

The Lighthouse Foundation demonstrates that therapeutic residential care can be a powerful intervention rather than a last resort. By focusing on relationships, community involvement, and long-term support, they provide a model that challenges traditional approaches to youth homelessness and offers hope for meaningful, lasting change.

You can listen to the podcast here:

You can watch here:

About Susan and Ben:

Susan Barton AM founded Lighthouse Foundation 33 years ago and has dedicated her life to helping the most vulnerable children and youth. Her mission is to change the way Australia looks at the issue of child and youth homelessness towards a more therapeutic approach where we create caring communities where all young people – from babies to young adults – can feel safe, form meaningful relationships, and begin their journey to recovery.

Susan has co-authored two books on childhood trauma, was awarded an Order of Australia for services to youth in Australia, was named Melburnian of the Year in 2009, and was inducted into the Victorian Honour Roll of Women for her significant achievements and contribution to the Victorian community, in 2012.

With over fifteen years of experience in therapeutic residential care, residential communities, and educational settings, Ben brings a wealth of understanding and passion to his role at Lighthouse Foundation.

Ben honed his reflective skills at Fairways, an award-winning children’s services charity in the UK. It was during his time there, that Ben encountered Therapeutic Residential Care for Children and Young People: An Attachment and Trauma Informed Model for Practice, written by Susan Barton, alongside Rudy Gonzalez and Patrick Tomlinson.

Inspired by the Lighthouse Foundation’s values and vision for high-quality care, Ben joined the organisation in 2018 as a Therapeutic Carer, supporting children, young people, young parents, and babies in need of a secure base.

In 2021, Ben became the Manager of Youth and Family Services; leading Lighthouse Foundation’s nine therapeutic residential care homes.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:01

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Susan: 0:04

And children grow in the love of someone. If you can hold with them and stay with them during that really difficult time, they’ll usually find a little spark of hope and see it through and get out the other side. Every time we open a home in a community, we build a community committee around that home and the um. The importance of that is that they’ve got all these surrogate parents and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and there’s a really deep responsibility that I’m a conduit for the young people who can’t tell their story to those who don’t know their story.

Ben: 0:45

And we contract all our forensic carers to engage in reflective practice. Children have been abused by their parents. They don’t really stop loving their parents. They stop loving themselves and we really see parents as an integral part of their identity and their healing process. And that was all the child needed. Really. He didn’t need to affix, he just needed to be heard. We care for the parents so they can care for their children. When I was a child, playing was very terrifying because it it meant abuse. Um, you’ve, you’ve taught me how to play with my children, so she was very grateful for that.

Colby: 1:23

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode are two representatives of an Australian endeavour providing homes and therapeutic care to the young people who need it, where they need it and for as long as they need it. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands I’m coming to you from the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains and the continuing connection the living Kaurna people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guests this episode are Susan Barton and Ben Pryke of Lighthouse Foundation.

Colby: 2:13

Susan Barton AM founded Lighthouse Foundation 33 years ago and has dedicated her life to helping the most vulnerable children and youth. Her mission is to change the way Australia looks at the issue vulnerable children and youth. Her mission is to change the way Australia looks at the issue of child and youth homelessness towards a more therapeutic approach where we create caring communities where all young people, from babies to young adults, can feel safe, form meaningful relationships and begin their journey to recovery. Susan has co-authored two books on childhood trauma, was awarded an Order of Australia for services to youth in Australia was named Melburnian of the Year in 2009 and was inducted into the Victorian Honor Roll of Women for her significant achievements and contribution to the Victorian community in 2012.

Colby: 3:09

With over 15 years of experience in therapeutic residential care, residential communities and educational settings, ben brings a wealth of understanding and passion to his role at Lighthouse Foundation. Ben honed his reflective skills at Fairways, an award-winning children’s services charity in the UK. It was during his time there that Ben encountered therapeutic residential care for children and young people, an attachment and trauma-informed model for practice written by Susan alongside Rudy Gonzalez and Patrick Tomlinson. Inspired by the Lighthouse Foundation’s values and vision for high quality care, ben joined the organisation in 2018 as a therapeutic carer, supporting children, young people, young parents and babies in need of a secure base. In 2021, ben became the Manager of Youth and Family Services, leading Lighthouse Foundation’s nine therapeutic residential care homes. Welcome, susan and Ben. Thanks, colby.

Ben: 4:23

Thank you, colby, thank you for having us.

Susan: 4:24

Can we acknowledge the traditional owners of our land, the Wurundjeri people, and thank them for the beautiful country we live in.

Ben: 4:34

Yeah, we pay respect to elders past, present and emerging and we extend that respect to Aboriginal children, young people and families who entrust lighthouses with their care.

Colby: 4:43

Yeah, well, thank you for that. Now, was there anything about either of those bios or anything that you would wish to add at this point?Susan: 4:53

I don’t know, I’ve placed over a bit of time.

Ben: 5:01

Oh God, would that add to the bio? No, I was thinking Colby. It made me think about, uh, the podcast you had with lisa cherry recently, I believe it was, and it reflected on being a parent. Um, so just to add, that’s our professional roles, but, um, I’m also a father and a husband and take those roles with the same level of seriousness and care that we give to Lighthouse Foundation young people.

Susan: 5:27

Yeah, okay, and if you want a more personal one, I have six grown-up children and 12 grandchildren, and I would like to push for a 13th if my kids are cooperative.

Colby: 5:42

Well done, that’s lovely. I know if you’ve listened to a couple of the other podcasts. It seems to be excruciating for some people to sit and listen to their bios. Yes, on the one hand, and on another hand, there it’s almost an opportunity to reflect on how much you’ve done across a career in this space, and we do spend a lot of time, I guess, focused very much on the task that is at hand, what’s right in front of us, and don’t always have the opportunity to sit back and reflect on the span of our activities. Yeah, so I thought I’d just get going by asking, perhaps starting with you, susan, if you could tell us a little bit about Lighthouse Foundation, the work that you do and perhaps even how you came to found Lighthouse Foundation all those years ago.

Susan: 6:52

Yeah, thanks, colby. Well, it’s a bit of a long story so I’ll try and encapsulate it very succinctly, but I actually started probably 43 years ago. But I actually started probably 43 years ago showing my age, and I happened to. A group of Australians were supporting a project over in Vietnam, and then there was the fall of Vietnam. So we had to refocus somewhere else with our wish to make a difference, and that place ended up being Sri Lanka, and we found out in Sri Lanka they needed a nurse to help and set up a nutritional crèche for all abandoned children, and so we sent money over and the French nurse was employed, and then she arrived and realised there was such an enormous task to set up. She put out an SOS to the global community for anyone that might be able to come and help her, and so I’d never been out of partly my suburb, let alone my country, before, and I strangely put my hand up and found myself over in Sri Lanka.

Susan: 8:07

My mum was minding my two sons and I thought it was going to be a very short stint and it ended up being a little bit more elongated. But what happened there was she asked me to take a really sick baby to the infectious diseases hospital. While I was there I noticed a severely malnourished baby with abscess, scabies and flies sucking on it. I was just stunned that that would happen to children, because that doesn’t happen in our country. And I in that time also saw many babies languishing in cots three at a time in excrement, and it so shocked me that that happened in my world. And I looked at myself and I wondered couldn’t I be doing more about this and shouldn’t I be doing more about this? And who was I as a human being that was allowing this to happen? And I was looking at it and had no power to intervene. And I found out that one of those little babies died and I came back to Australia a really different girl, one that knew that I couldn’t live in the world and see that going on in my watch and do nothing about it.

Susan: 9:32

And I knew then that I needed to find out more about myself and what was holding me back. And I started then looking at what was happening in Australia around homelessness and realised, although our children weren’t dying of severe malnutrition, we had one of the highest suicide rates in the Western world. And that stunned me and I thought but I love teenagers so much and I guess that was a seed that germinated and to the point where I thought, oh, I can foster children. And I found out that kids over 16 that didn’t have money attached to them was so easy to be fostered. You know, they’re almost pushed at you and before I knew it I had a home full of children. It started with a little Aboriginal sibling group and then it grew to having including my own children. I had 16 kids living with me and was looking at fostering another one and went oh my god, I’ve run out of bedrooms. And when I started eyeing off the bath and thinking I could put a mattress in there, I knew that I was stepping out of what I was doing, which was loving these children, to really setting up another orphanage.

Susan: 10:54

And at the same time I happened to my cousin, thought I needed help and sent me to a course called Money Anew, run by Robert Kiyosaki, who wrote the book Dad, rich Dad, poor Dad, and If you Want To Be Rich and Happy, don’t Go To School. And that kind of sung to my heart a little bit, because I’d only gone to year 10 and my stepfather then pushed me out into the workforce before I was ready, and so going to that course changed my life. He taught me about the processional effect. You know, the honey doesn’t really know what they’re doing, they’re just going from tree to tree, but it makes honey, and so if you’re on course, what you’re meant to be here on the planet to do the rest falls into place. He taught me about policies and procedures and, most importantly, he taught me about franchising. He said so you need to do what you’re doing. That is having such a strong outcome compared to the system that you need to duplicate that. Well, I thought he was mad and I thought, oh, how am I ever going to do that?

Susan: 12:08

And at the time we got some funding from one of our philanthropy supporters and they paid for a psychologist to come on board.

Susan: 12:20

And so Dr Sarah Crome, our first psychologist, followed me around for a year and looked at what I was doing organically with the young people, which is really just loving them so much.

Susan: 12:32

And my measurement was how much I love my own children and I’m so territorial about my kids. You don’t come. I say you don’t fuck with my kids or you deal with me. That’s how you know kind of territorial I am, and it was my measurement to know if I was doing the best job I could is to measure my love for them against that of my children and to make sure I kept working on that until I did that. And Sarah Chrome really was the first person that put all that I was doing into a framework that had a psychological underpinning and references to it, and really it was just attachment and relationships, loving and object relations, and so that was really. The rest is history. We went from there to having an independent report done just a couple of years ago that 87% of our young people leaving us never into homelessness again and changes the trajectory of intergenerational trauma.

Colby: 13:42

Wow, that’s wonderful. What an inspirational story. And Ben or Susan, one of you, I wonder if you’d like to just kind of expand a bit on what the Lighthouse Foundation is doing at this time, what their services encompass? Yeah, thank you.

Ben: 13:59

Cobby, certainly so. Ultimately, lighthouse Foundation is a trauma informed organisation that supports children, young people and families here in Victoria, australia. Our key modalities of healing are through relationship. We support with caretakers who don’t do too, but be with children and their families. And, as Susan explained, time is a critical component to healing to allow deeply ingrained expectations of people and self to change. It can be very slow but deeply meaningful work. I believe we provide a sense of belonging. The community helps young people to feel safe and accepted and part of something meaningful. We’re purposeful with intention. We respond with empathy and understanding that you know.

Ben: 14:47

Children, young people, may have had a bad experience, but they’re not bad people and through season susan’s vision and values, we we believe in you and we put great thought into everything we do.

Ben: 14:59

I’m privileged to work alongside young people and carers in our therapeutic residential care homes. So we have a Young Women’s Freedom Programme which supports young women who are survivors of forced marriage and modern slavery. We provide them a safe therapeutic environment to heal. A Young Parents and Babies Programme which core aim is to support young parents to heal from their own childhood trauma in the hope that they can raise babies free from those inherited emotional wounds and we support young people who’ve often experienced complex trauma, who are unable to live with their biological families currently, and we support them up to 25 years of age within therapeutic residential care homes, which is a different experience to many organisations who are kind of maybe forced to stop providing care at 18. We continue to provide care to 25 and actually much longer through our on for life program and sense of belonging so our on for life is really important to us and probably what sets us apart.

Susan: 16:03

Um, we we were, because we didn’t at the time get any recurrent funding. We were able to create Lighthouse, really in the way we thought was best practice for young people, and really we looked at what families do. It’s a family system and you know my kids, god, they come back when they’re 40. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of them. You know, with six of them, there’s always someone at home or someone that needs moving or someone that’s broken, their washing machine’s broken down or all the sorts of machinations of what a real family is.

Susan: 16:42

And exactly like our young people, some of our young people now on our Alan for Life program are in their early 50s and it’s such a joy for us to see them coming back, even if it’s because of relationships broken down. How, you know, we can walk beside them to help them, give the time and space for them to think and see what their next steps are, but also to celebrate with them when their child’s growing up and getting married themselves or having a child or um, you know, we’ve got a couple of our kids that are millionaires now and and then we’ve got other kids that have got, you know, know mental health issues, but we see them shortening the time each time they have a whoopsie. The next time they’ve learned something. So the time to get back on their feet and get going again is shorter and shorter each time. So it’s really, like Ben said, a privilege to walk beside them and sharing that joy of their parenting and breaking that cycle.

Colby: 17:50

You said something very interesting in a couple of spots in there, susan Talking. Initially you were saying how, if you’re kind of doing what you’re meant to be doing on the planet, the money tends to follow. And you’re not the first kind of founder who I’ve had on the podcast who’s said something very similar to that. If not, you know the same, maybe with some slightly different words. And I always, I mean mean, in my own practice, I’ve always followed the motto that you, you just make sure you provide a good service and uh, and money follows. It doesn’t always. It can be a bit of a bumpy ride at times, it doesn’t always follow like that, but but overall, um, it does, um, yeah, and then you and then I think, if I understood you correctly, you were, you were kind of saying um, because you didn’t have recurrent funding from, I guess, from um government funding bodies you were able to create a service based more on what you thought a service should look like in this space. You weren’t constrained by funding bodies and their requirements.

Susan: 19:15

No, I wasn’t constrained by the quantitative exercises it might be, it was more qualitative for me, but I also always did it alongside a psychologist, either clinical or community, who understood what I was getting at and could always relate it back to a framework so that it had real rigour to it.

Susan: 19:43

And I think that was probably, know, really important for me, that, you know I wasn’t just going off going doing, oh well, I’ll just love every child, and that’s what we do, but also that it had had something to um, harness to, that was of value in the community and I guess hence the book.

Susan: 20:06

You know we’ve had some fabulous psychologists I mean I shouldn’t name any because then I’ll get stuck but Dr Sarah Crome in the beginning, you know, rudy Gonzalez and Taimur Hussain had a real influence on the place. Laura Petrie, ben beside me, simon, who is our CEO, and I think you’ve had on before Simon Benjamin they’re all people that played a large role in bringing forward everything they know and adding to it. So it’s not a static organisation. We keep learning and growing and as we branch out to different um I guess for one of the better word young people or cohorts as some people call them um, we have to change and grow and think more and think differently. So I think that’s also important that we can then relate it back to well, how does that have an underpinning with a psychological framework?

Colby: 21:09

Yeah, and you referred to attachment theory and being one of those significant frameworks. Yes, yeah.

Susan: 21:17

Yeah, well, I used to call it love and I get myself into trouble all the time, so it’s much better to say attachment.

Susan: 21:24

But it’s really about a relationship and children grow in the love of someone. You know, I think it was Chilton Pierce that said it only takes one person to love a child and they’ll usually make it through and that’s always been my experience, even young people that are suicidal. You know, if you can hold with them and stay with them during that really difficult time, they’ll usually find a little spark of hope and see it through and get out the other side. So I always see us as a containment. You know, a great big glass bowl of holding and the young people, you know a great big glass bowl of holding and the young people, you know, grow and learn in that until they’re ready to do their interdependent living, you know, outside that containment area. So for us it’s about giving them the opportunity and the time, as Ben said, to grow and learn and have hope. You know, and I think if you can find a spark of hope for them, that’s really what will. You know, see them through, and that’s love and attachment.

Colby: 22:36

And, I think, especially suicidal young people. You know having that experience of being a person of worth. When you love a young person, their experience of that is that I am an adequate, worthy person. Yeah, and young people, indeed everyone who has a healthy sense of their own worth, or has at least some semblance of a healthy sense of their own worth, or has at least some semblance of a healthy sense of self-worth, do tend to make better decisions for themselves in their life. Going forwards, ben, I want to go over to you because we kind of skipped past you a little bit, but you have an accent. You started your career in the UK. How did you come to be working in this space?

Ben: 23:31

Yeah, thank you, colby. Yeah, that’s correct. Yeah, so I actually started off in play in primary schools. I couldn’t believe my luck when I was offered the chance to be paid to play football. It wasn’t quite the Premier League but I was having a great time in primary schools, great joy alongside the children, and it was one of the head teacher there saw my kind of ability to be with children and help co-regulate I wasn’t quite sure of that terminology at the time. She invited me to work in the primary school and support children.

Ben: 24:18

At the time it was in the UK, there were music professionals who had social, emotional, behavioral difficulties and social, emotional, behavioral made sense to me. The social experience of where the trauma may come from. Then the emotional impact. Then we see that through behaviour and I was unsure on the difficulty part, like maybe difficulty for the young person but certainly difficult for the school to tolerate and accept as well. And it was in the school environment. A wonderful school and a wonderful head teacher who was really focused on community, would integrate families. They would have alternative educational on a Friday, cooking and play experiences.

Ben: 25:00

But I saw a young child steal food from a lunchbox during. I think she’d excused herself from the class and I witnessed that and I saw a teacher and I saw that experience and I thought, oh, clearly the child’s hungry, maybe they need some food or have not had breakfast or I’m not sure what’s happening in their home life. I saw a teacher come out and I expected them to provide that level of care but instead they shouted at the child for stealing and it just didn’t make sense to me and it just didn’t make sense to me and I thought I think I need to work in an environment, more in a home setting really. So I found myself working in a 20-bed residential care community setting. There was three homes on site. It’s like a developmental process where the children would move through homes on site. It’s like a developmental process where the children would move through.

Ben: 26:01

We had a school in the middle, mechanics, um vegetable patch and you’d live there for a week alongside the young people. Then you’d have a week off and that really gave me an experience of the importance of relationship and containment and living alongside that, what that can offer. And it’s a beautiful setting, not too dissimilar to Hurstbridge farm, like adela holmes spoke about, but there wasn’t the systemic levels of holding for staff to process, being that close to uh, expressions of trauma, and I noticed I was starting to get quite physical symptoms of back pain, um, which I thought was from a, an injury, um, but had a, had an MRI scan and, um, there was nothing physically wrong. So it got me thinking about, um, the unconscious, really, um.

Ben: 26:47

I moved to another organization called Fairways and there was a mentor there called Michael Crutchley, who was a mental health nurse, um, and we go out and ride our motorbikes together and each share stories with me about high quality forensic residential care, which included, uh, the book that susan rudy and patrick um published, and, and we also spoke a lot about pepper harrow, which was so interesting. But richard rollinson was on there and had a community, had decision-making together and involvement, and I believe that the only this is my interpretation the only kind of expectation is that you came to a community meeting every day and ruptures were repaired. So, after reading the book that Susan had published, I convinced my I was assistant manager at the time at Fairways and convinced my wife to quit our jobs and fly to Australia, and I was lucky enough to become a therapeutic carer in 2018 at Lighthouse Foundation.

Colby: 27:48

Wow. Well, that’s an incredible story as well. Thank you, ben, and we’ve obviously had a bit of a chat before this podcast, you and I, ben, so I’ll come to a couple of things from that, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t leave behind. Move on. I guess, before just going back to something that you were saying, susan, about in in the correct parlance it would be after care, but the decision that has been taken by Lighthouse to continue to provide support, direct support, right through to 25 and indeed subsequent support it reminded me a lot of what Kieran Modi, who was on the podcast from Udayan Care, was talking about in terms of they support through to 25, and then they have alumni and she does a lot of work, or her organisation does a lot of work in terms of supporting care leavers. It was also mentioned by the Livramento people in Portugal, but if you can just tell us a little bit more of your thoughts behind how, I guess how Lighthouse went in that direction of supporting young people beyond 18.

Susan: 29:15

Funnily enough, I’ve been over to Kira Modi’s place and she’s been over here, probably about eight years ago, to look at what we were doing, and we talked about the importance of On For Life and having a psychologist with your team to make sure that the frameworks, to make sure that the frameworks keep evolving. And our book’s been translated into Portuguese and Japanese, so now I know the link, which is good. But for me it was really again modelled on the way I cared for my young people. And you don’t stop being a mother and a parent just because they’re moved out people. And you don’t stop being a mother and a parent just because they’ve moved out. In fact, they’re at age 16, 18, 20. Even if they’ve come from a really good enough family life, they still aren’t always quite ready to do it alone. They always need an attachment or that umbilical call that brings them back to ask questions or check in and all that sort of thing. And so it was really important for me for us to develop that against a lot of pushback at the time, not so much at Lighthouse but with the system. You know the Australian system and how they operated but I was determined that we were going to do that, and so we just pressed on.

Susan: 30:40

But we also developed from there our community committees, because I think young people need not just their mum and dad or one parent, they also need a network of people, like you do when you come up in a family, you know you’ve got your school parents and your parents have got friends, and so you become part of a strong, resilient group, and so I wanted to build that for the young people.

Susan: 31:12

So another unique thing about Lighthouse is every time we open a home in a community, we build a community committee around that home, and the importance of that is that they’ve got all these surrogate parents and brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and what I call corporate parenting, where everyone can take some responsibility for caring and nurturing and developing these young people.

Susan: 31:43

So on the community committee there might be a school teacher or a policeman or a person that’s lost a child to suicide or the local I call it the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker and they all come together to parent that child. And it’s just been quite amazing really, some of the things. Some of them have become foster parents of a 16 or 17-year-old and said well, before they transit into, you know the community. Why don’t they come to live with me for a year or two and let them see parenting as we do it? So when they become parents they’ll have learnt something. So they’ve all you know there’s been some amazing stories of people. I keep saying I’d love to write a book about all the people that have been part of those community committees, that have got stories of their own and what brought them to help me parent these young people.

Colby: 32:43

That’s remarkable, and how do you access them, susan?

Susan: 32:50

Again that processional effect. I just go out and tell the story, anybody that reaches in or anyone that donates, even if it’s a dollar, to me they are the king and queen of the place. If it’s a dollar or if it’s a million dollars, I love them all the same because all that helps. But going to Rotary meetings I’m a Rotarian myself going to talks at corporates, just I say yes to everything because I think I was saying to you at the beginning, there’s a really deep responsibility that I’m a conduit for the young people who can’t tell their story to those who don’t know their story, and if I can share part of their story with their, okay, then most Australians want to help in some way. I’ve just got to provide that pathway for them to be able to do that.

Susan: 33:49

And everyone’s pathway is different. Some don’t want to have any contact with the young people. Others want to be right in there and helping the house and doing a barbecue every week, or you know things like that contact with the young people. Others want to be right in there and helping the house and doing a barbecue every week, or you know things like that. So just finding unpacking what it is they want to do to help this young person. An example might be the ANZ in August are putting on a big Diwali event and there’ll be thousands of people all doing Indian and Sri Lankan dancing, and that funding will come to Lighthouse and we’ll be able to promote and tell our story there. So I’m not just telling it for the day, but there’ll be people there that then want to do workplace giving and donate $5 a month, you know and so they become a surrogate parent in their own way.

Colby: 34:39

So there’s all sorts of ways you can parent, I believe, and so we just have to find that in each person that comes forward again, it reminds me of the work that Kieran and Udain Care are doing as well, the way the, the way in which they use volunteers in their model of care. And you know, I just highlight the similarity between the two to make the point that it is possible to one access people who are concerned and committed and really want to be part of facilitating better life outcomes for children and young people in need, and there are really positive ways to utilise those people for the benefit of the young people.

Susan: 35:35

Yeah, and just on that. I think the important thing to then remember is that the level of support and screening you give and so we do psychosocial screening, and to me that’s a real key to keeping the organisation safe, just to mention that, yeah.

Ben: 35:56

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and that’s a really important integral function of the forensic care we offer. So we don’t really ask of young people what they’re not willing to do for ourselves, and a psychosocial screen really allows us to understand people’s unconscious motivations to be in the work. Do they have a reflective capacity, emotional capacity and are they willing to ask for help, which we think is a really important component? Some of the committee members we have a chair of our Young Women’s Freedom Programme who I believe has been 14 years but before her her brother looked after it for about five and then all her family are involved.

Susan: 36:34

So it’s like her home and I’ve almost got to put my hand up to see if I want to tiptoe in. And there’s Rolf Tedisco, who’s an immigrant from Italy. He wanted to open a home. I said, oh, the governance around it. Rolf is so overwhelming, why don’t you do it under our umbrella? So he’s got the Springvale home who takes care of most of our really pointy and young people and he’s proud as punch and he’s been with that probably 25 years now, you know. And so when people come in, their loyalty and long-term commitment is probably what we look for, and honour in those people and the emotional intelligence of our staff really is what we look forward to that warmth and humanistic qualities.

Ben: 37:25

Yeah, it’s interesting. I’m sorry, colby.

Colby: 37:27

No, I was just going to you first, because people want to hear more of you and less of me.

Ben: 37:34

I was going to say that chair I was speaking about uh katherine. She’s also on our care subcommittee, um, so the the openness of communication goes throughout the organization. So she’s there to uh hear stories, share stories of the young people, what she sees, and provide a voice to the ceo and the care subcommittee. Members of the board, just to help us keep on track really and monitor for drift.

Colby: 38:02

Yeah, yeah, well, that, yeah, it’s interesting. It seems to be an opportune point to bring in that, and I have flagged this with you that we’ve started a little an aspect of the podcast where we get the previous guest to think of a question to ask the next guest on the podcast, and so I’ll be making, or have made public, patricia Sheridan from the Moore Group’s podcast today. Now, the question that she put to me, apart from she wished me to pass on her best wishes to you and your organisation, what really was around this issue of fidelity, which I think you’re starting to touch on in what you’re saying now, ensure that the carers that you have in the organisation remain aligned with the values of the organisation.

Ben: 39:07

Yeah, thank you, colby. Well, I think the psychosocial screen is a fundamental component of that. I think it sends a real clear message to therapeutic carers and it’s not just carers, everyone amongst the agency. I think it sends a real clear message to therapeutic carers and it’s not just carers, everyone amongst the agency. I think Simon spoke about that. We expect the same from our finance team and our marketing team that the primary task is the children and young people. So we’re interconnected to make sure that we remain focused to the quality care of children and young people. And the psychosocial screen sets us apart there. I believe you know it’s communicating to young people, to carers. We take this work seriously, um, and with kindness. Uh, so if you enter lighthouse, that’s the expectation a deep level of thought and care, um, I’m happy to share a little bit about my own experience of psychosocial screen, where I’d said to Andrew, who was the manager of clinical services at the time, I said, oh, I’ve done something similar to like this before at Fairways.

Ben: 40:11

It was a print profile, because they ask you what do you think your unconscious motivations may be? And this was, you know, was seven, eight years ago. I hadn’t done as much internal work or thinking at the time and I said, oh, it said I had a desire to feel special. And he said, oh, why do you think that’s where that’s come from, ben, and I wasn’t aware at that time that I am. Now I said, oh, I’m not sure, it’s just a test. And he said, oh well, lighthouse, we encourage you to think into those parts of yourself. And that’s really important actually, because as a therapy carer, I need to be aware of my own emotional availabilities and what might light me up to make sure that doesn’t impact the work of the children and they remain focused. So I mean, that’s an important, a really important part of my learning. Really, we’re a learning organization.

Colby: 41:07

It expects deep, deep thought and I think all my podcast guests, who are representatives of well-respected and, I guess, successful however you might define that have talked about the need for fidelity, the need for alignment through the whole organisation. Simon talked about Simon, benjamin talked about. You know what we do with the kids? We do with everyone in the organisation. There’s that alignment all the way through.

Susan: 41:45

And particularly, you know it has to be the board included. And to get you know a whole lot of professional people to talk about their feelings is hilarious. However, we’ve managed to hold on to that probably more challenging aspect of it. But it’s really interesting that once people get into the habit of it, after three or four months they actually they’re the ones calling for it. They actually they’re the ones calling for it and there’s something intangible about the warmth and connectedness you get from sharing your feelings at a board level that they feel and take away with it. It’s actually they don’t want to leave the board and we have board members 12, 14 years.

Susan: 42:38

You know that long-term loyalty, which is fabulous, I know, from a governance perspective, they like changing you. You know there’s three year on three year, but there’s something to be said for. You know, having those grandparents around as well as new blood staying on board and holding the culture throughout and having that emotional intelligence and then having to share the journey alongside the young people in that way that they’ve got to do the same practices, I think holds us all together. And when you do get wobbly because there’s always times no matter how great you are, you know you have different leadership and different people coming into the organisation and you grow wider and so you’ve got to make sure even more that you hold tight to those. You know different practices that we have and hold them dearly.

Ben: 43:40

Now I can speak to that a bit more, colby, if you like, because, as we spoke about, the model of care has kind of evolved and adapted. It’s like a living thing and it’s kind of since Susan and Patrick and Rudy, yeah, it kind of developed the model. It was co-designed, youdesigned with Patrick Tomlinson, which I think was really important because it shows a level of involvement and ownership for the organisation, and since then it’s kind of evolved to four key domains really, which is the home, a home environment where you want to provide a secondary care experience where the home is a warm, beautiful home. That is maybe different to what our children and young people have experienced of feeling worthy. We have young people interventions, so that could be a daily, weekly and monthly intervention. So we have daily reflections that the carers are involved in. We have weekly one-to-one times where the carer or the psychologist are solely available for the child for that time, whether they wish to step in or not. We will hold that space and that’s the same for the carers.

Ben: 44:46

We have weekly clinical and operational supervision, depending on the program and the level of need required for those children. That may be fortnightly of program and the level of need required for those children. That may be fortnightly, um, but I’ve recently gone weekly, uh, and so has the clinician in in the focus of central care program. So we’re trying to um step in early, really, before feelings get too big for staff, um, and understanding young people. When you say it out loud, an hour a week, there’s only 52 hours, you know. A year it’s not actually very much, but people seem to think that’s too long to sit and be with, yeah, and then, as I said, we have community, which is an important component as well, and we contract all our prognostic carers to engage in reflective practice. So you can’t extend the clear communication, communication really. Now, if you want to be part of this organization and care for young people, we expect that practice of you, um, and I can share an example from this week, if that’s of helpful around focus on feeling and how that supports, uh, our understanding of children, young people go ahead, yeah.

Ben: 45:57

So we’ve just recently opened a new Fremont residential care home, so the young person has recently returned to the area, which can be quite scary. We believe it to be of great benefit to be closer to family and we’re hoping to interconnect in with family and bring them into the residential care home, but ultimately still a scary experience to leave people that you’ve, you know, the safety of their old residential care home in those relationships, to come to somewhere new. And we had a phone call on the weekend where the young person had asked I’m out with my friends, can you come and pick me up? And then he he said, oh, I have a weapon. And I was unsure, you know, did he have a weapon or was he just feeling very unsafe? Because I’d read in the referral previously that when he changed homes before you know, he was found with a weapon on him or seemed to have a weapon, we believe, communicating this feeling of unsafe. So the group really took it serious. Um, and I spoke to the carers directly on the on the uh in the home and they said no, benny, it sounded like um, he didn’t sound like he was joking. We need to take him seriously, which we did, you know. We enacted a process to go up and make sure he was safe and our carers were safe and brought him home and he fell asleep in the lounge and they put a blanket over him.

Ben: 47:18

Um, and then I still attend the reflective practice space alongside the carers, uh, fortnightly in in the home, um, and they were speaking about a razor. They were saying, oh, we’ve seen that, we’ve noticed the razor in the shower and it was getting quite big for them, the razor. They were saying, um, you know, he’s moving into adolescence. It’s quite an important part of development. It’s something you sometimes do with your own father. And then they say, but we want everyone to be safe.

Ben: 47:46

And then they were coming up with a uh, an intervention of like well, maybe you know, we could get a lock box and he can have a key and we can have a key and we can lock it up. And I, we’ve asked him to focus on the feeling. What is the feeling that the razor has given you? And it’s one of um. You’re feeling quite unsafe and scared, and that gave us an insight into how he may be feeling in his world.

Ben: 48:08

Where we hadn’t focused on the feeling, you could see how that, you know, intervention of the razor could really escalate.Ben: 48:14

But that wasn’t the case.

Ben: 48:15

We were able to bring in one person, brought in the feeling of um, how he may have felt like a black sheep of the family was his words many years ago, another one was able to hold on to like the empathy and hope, um, and then so the group could hold that and tolerate that distress, um to respond with empathy.

Ben: 48:34

So when he called a couple of days later and said, you know, started to give him and his friends started to give the character a bit of grief, ultimately, on the phone they were able to say, oh yeah, if Billy’s there, let him know we’re thinking about him and we care about him, which was a really important message not just to him but also to his friends. There’s adults out there who show you care and think about you, where if we hadn’t had that space on feeling they may have been reactive or put the phone down. And actually the fact he was calling us when he’s outside the home, when he’s new, was a wonderful win for us. It shows that he’s holding us in mind when he’s not in the home and that’s what you know we do as well. We we hold our young people in mind.

Colby: 49:20

Yeah, lovely yeah, there’s so much we could talk about um.

Colby: 49:27

I wanted there was something just going back to to what you were saying as well, susan, before um, talking about um reflection, holding, you know, holding people in mind, but also reflecting on what’s happening for us and having that experience of sharing and other people connecting with us around our experience.

Colby: 49:56

And you talked about how people, for example, on your boards or committees hanging around for a very long time and other family members getting involved, and the thought that was going through my mind is that this jurisdiction is probably more characterised by staff just going through the system at a rate of knots. Yeah, that there is a lot of changeover in the workforce in these jurisdictions, maybe not in your organisation, but certainly in this jurisdiction, and what I had in mind listening to you talk about um, your experience there at lighthouse, was the importance of um not just the children being feeling heard, but but the staff, or the everyone connected with organisation, feeling heard and acknowledged and valued around their experience, which is, I guess, another way of talking about you know what we do with our children, with the children we should be doing at all levels of the organisation, as Simon said. There’s one thing, though, that I really wanted to also speak to you guys about, which is the involvement of birth family.

Ben: 51:26

One of you mentioned that I think it was you, ben no families.

Ben: 51:31

Yeah, families, and from our pre-meet conversation, ben, you talked a little bit about that and I think it would be really useful at this juncture to hear a bit more about how Lighthouse connect with involve birth families. You want me to go? Yeah, yeah, thank you, colby. I guess we really ultimately think that children have been abused by their parents. They don’t really stop loving their parents, they stop loving themselves and we really see parents as an integral part of their identity and their healing process. We all entered the world attached to our mothers, as Susan said, and a lot of the time we crave that attachment to our families to remain. We work non-judgmentally with our parents and we really try to understand their own history and involve them in the young person’s experience and their own experience and clear that we’re not the parents that they are.

Ben: 52:36

When I was a care in our secure base program, every Monday I would meet a father in the park so he could play with his son and play on the swings or ride bikes together, and I was just there in the background providing support to them both. That was enabled to transition into one of our residential care homes where he was able to get the experience of really he would like own the barbecue cooking for his son. Read his son a story. Kiss him good night to bed, um, and then him and I would just, you know, sit together once his son was asleep, you know, have a cup of tea and chat. And he would also come to Youth Resource Centre here, which is the heart of the organisation.

Ben: 53:27

He may do parental courses, like Circular Security, alongside some of our other staff members, and there was an experience once the sense of safety was kind of formed with all of us, that the child was able to sit alongside his kind of key carers not not myself, but some really important people in his world in the living room and he was able to say to his father um, you know, where where were you? Why didn’t you keep me safe? Um, and the child was crying and the father was crying, and whilst the father couldn’t give him an answer, he was able just to acknowledge it and apologise and that was all the child needed. Really, he didn’t need a fix, he just needed to be heard.

Ben: 54:08

And once that young person was ready to kind of fly the nest from lighthouse, we also created a book for the father of memories that we had together and stuff that we’d learnt from him, and he was able to say you know, I wish I had a lighthouse when I was a child, so really we’ve got great respect for families and, yeah, really think deeply into their own experiences and try to involve them as much as we can. Yeah, really think deeply into their own experiences and try to involve them as much as we can.

Colby: 54:39

Yeah, yeah, I am on record as saying the most healing relationship for our children is the relationship with their parents. Yeah, the most healing relationship. Yeah, that leads into Ben. We also talked a little bit about the Mothers and Babies Program, and I was keen for you to talk a little bit about that as well in our time together.

Susan: 55:10

And keeping our siblings together too. Yeah, the White House.

Ben: 55:14

Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, I’ve been lucky enough to work in our Young Parents and Babies programme. I believe it was started with yourself and Vicky Vidal, Susan, is that correct? Yeah, and really at. Its aim, as I said, is to support young parents to heal from their own childhood trauma in the hope that they can raise their own babies free from these inherited emotional wounds. Ultimately, we’re trying to provide an environment where we care for the parents so they can care for their children, the developmental programme, so as the young people kind of attach and join, we’re just really trying to see if they can seek support and receive care for parents. It’s a really wonderful programme.

Ben: 55:59

You get to see changes very quickly, as you know, in the first two years of life, and we’re similar to what we were saying in reflective practice. We’re there with kindness and boundaries, but we don’t rush things. We allow things to kind of percolate and come to fruition. So an example of that is we had a young mother who I’m very proud of. The experience that she received of what she gave her children is very different and when she first joined she was unable to play with her children. But we just noticed that and we would role model, play ourselves, you know cues and um, bedtime routines and things like that. And one time she was able to say, um, yeah. Then in time, we saw her starting to push the child on the swing or, you know, play with the trucks, etc. Take an interest in their world, and she was able to, you know, many years later, reflect to us that, um, when I was a child, playing was very terrifying because it it meant abuse. Um, you’ve, you’ve taught me how to play with my children, so, uh, she was very grateful for that um. But if we’d rushed that in the early stages, if we kind of thought, why is she not playing with her child? And tried to make that happen too quickly, we would have missed that opportunity and not playing with her child and trying to make that happen too quickly, we would have missed that opportunity and not had given her that experience.

Ben: 57:23

We have young mums, uh, now that they kind of form a little community together, don’t they, susan? They’ve, uh, they live together now in the community and the two of them have started their own business together, um, and that they pop back. I think we currently have about 13 families uh being supported closely through One for Life in terms of like their own little community that comes together. And just a couple weeks ago I looked after one of the uh, a little boy who was six months old when I first looked after him and now would be five years old, so his mum could attend a business course on beauty just in the community. So really able to kind of come back and reach out for support when needed, yeah.

Susan: 58:09

I think that we’ve got 1,350 young people that have graduated the program now and that’s long term. So it doesn’t sound like that it is. You know, I often think you know if a young person’s been abused for 10, 15 years, that needs to be equalled on the other side of you know that good parenting another 15 years. So for me, you know, when Ben talks about about you know we shouldn’t be quantifying time, it’s when they’re ready. So I think that’s an important thing. You know, you’ve got a lot of abuse to abuse to unpack and it will take as much time as it takes and not to rush that process.

Ben: 58:56

Yeah, we had yeah in there. Something we really wrestle with in the programme is phones, you know, and the gaze that we all have towards our phones and we ask of our young parents, during kind of bath time or dinner time, that we have a little kind of clear container on the side and we ask them to put the phones in. And that can be very difficult in the early stages but, um, I’ve seen so many times after eight weeks or so, but, um, yeah, you, you notice them just being left in there overnight so they can respond to the baby. And that’s a lovely kind of it doesn’t feel that big but it’s a lovely little measure that I I take in of growth one of my previous podcast guests, um, said something very chilling, uh, at the time or it is chilling, she.

Colby: 59:49

I mean, she was talking about, um, this attachment relationship or this, this relation, relational dynamic that exists for young children, that has three parties to it the child, the parent and the device these days, and what is going to be the longer-term implications of that? I think we just yeah, we will see, but it is. Yeah, it gave me chills hearing her talk about that.

Susan: 1:00:22

Well, I think the mental health issues will skyrocket. Really, you know, unless we have some boundaries around it, you know some positive ways of dealing with it.

Ben: 1:00:33

It’s probably worth mentioning Colby that we’re realistic in our task and sometimes we may work with parents who have kind of 10 out of 10 of adverse childhood experiences on the study In time. We wish for their children to have less and their other children to have less. It’s not always realistic that we might not have an instant quick fix, but we want to give people an opportunity. Yeah, and I think that’s where that program is philanthropically funded, because it’s very hard.

Susan: 1:01:11

We don’t get a lot of recurrent funding. The government have partnered with us now and we’re very excited about that and I think they’re keen to look at our model of care. We’ve got a CEO, brenda Boland, who comes from Child Protection and I think that as a leadership, she’s showing them the work we’re doing and I think they’re really excited to hear about our work and partner with us. So that’s great. But, as Ben was saying previously, we’ve really done it from philanthropic partners and to pay for two living carers, a salary you know that’s a couple of hundred thousand to run the program, couple of hundred thousand to run the program. So, um, but if you look at you know incarceration and that long, long term consequence. We’re much better doing that early intervention piece and putting the time and money and investment into our young people early.

Susan: 1:02:13

But it is always a challenge for organisations that aren’t recurrent funded. So one of the things probably in our world and of interest to you is that we’re looking at how do we self-fund into the future. So we’re looking very much at getting a futures fund established so that we’ll be able to live off the interest rather than continually go cap in hand, and we still want to do that. We want to reach out because we believe it’s community that help heal our young people in that kind of resilience membrane that they all belong to us. But also we want to be able to, as good parents do, be able to afford. You know what we, how we live, and so we need to demonstrate that ourselves. So we’re looking at developing. We’re going out to developers to help us find lots of land. We’ve got a corporate that will build houses for us. So we’ve got a whole range of projects we’re working on to be self-funded, but it’s a long-term strategy.

Colby: 1:03:25

Yeah, yeah, that’s wonderful. I just wonder you raised the issue of government being interested. It kind of leads me into what you know if you could sit down with them and I’m sure you will what are the key things that you would want to be communicating to them about how to deliver therapeutic care to young people in need and their families?

Susan: 1:04:00

Well, I think we understand their constraints and the governance that underpins what they do, and so, really, I’m excited to work alongside them to come up with a way of working that really focuses on the best practice for young people Do you want to?

Ben: 1:04:25

Yeah, for me as we were speaking, I truly believe in residential care. I think, as we’ve spoken about, a lot of the trauma experience where our young people experience this is in a home with unsafe adults. We want to give them a secondary strength of a safe home and emotionally attuned and available adults and I find, as we spoke about, the young parents and babies program is a wonderful way of providing high quality preventative care. If the money was invested early in programs like that, you may not see the significant distress or complexities that we see in adulthood. But what I find is that often government are willing to put the money towards 16, 17, 18 years old when they’re leaving care, but not so much the preventative space of parents and children. I really think that would make a huge difference to society.

Susan: 1:05:22

Yes, so we’d encourage that as much as we can, and for us it’s about like Vicky Vida has paid for our mums and bubs home for the last probably 15 or more years, and their family have donated this building we’re in, so they’ve really given us that foundation underpinning. That is just. You know, you can’t put words on that or understand how that’s really been able to formulate our way forward but also give us a sense of empowerment to actually build a model of care we believe is second to none, and about those trauma-informed practices rather than the roof over their head. The roof over their head isn’t the main story, it’s just part of, isn’t the main story? It’s just part of. It’s the trauma-informed practices.

Susan: 1:06:23

And if we can have an impact on the way young people are cared for in out-of-home care in a much more, you know, empowered and loving way, that would be amazing for us. So, you know, and also we’re learning things from government too that we may need to put in place as well, because we understand that we’re, you know, in a lot of cases, the guardian of these young people and it’s a huge responsibility. So working as a team for us, with government as a partner, is really important for us, you know and and our next steps to have had an impact in that arena would be amazing for us.

Colby: 1:07:05

Well, I’ve really enjoyed our chat this morning and hearing more about Lighthouse, and I’m sure the people who will listen to this podcast will take a lot from it as well. So thank you to you both for coming on and for all that you’ve shared and your continuing endeavours on behalf of children and young people and families in need. I do give my guests an opportunity to ask me a question without notice. At the end, I wondered if there was anything that you particularly wanted to ask me before we sign off.

Susan: 1:07:46

Well, I just wanted to give a shout out to Patrick Tomlinson, who helped us or co-authored the book and gave us an opportunity to be global in sharing our model of care, and also Mulberry Bush for opening their place to us when we visited, and for me it’s having that global sense of community I think is very empowering for trauma, informed practices and the more we can share with each other and promote what we do I think is important. But do you want to answer that next question?

Ben: 1:08:25

No, I guess I’ll give you a talk about it the other day and you were wondering with Colby whether there’s an opportunity to create like a free music community or a group process where we could all come together to think and share our experiences.

Susan: 1:08:39

Yeah, like every two months is there an open forum where we can all share and have an agenda. But you know whether that’s possible or not.

Colby: 1:08:49

Well, it’s interesting because you will have heard, I guess, from the podcast that I’ve done with people in the UK, and Simon brought it up as well, was the community have heard, I guess from the, from the podcast that I’ve done with people in the uk, that they there’s, and I and simon brought it up as well was this the community of communities?

Colby: 1:09:03

yes, that they have yeah that they have in in the uk where there’s a number of org, social care organizations, that um meet collectively, I look, as I understand understand it, I should say and that they kind of order each other as well to kind of keep yeah, keep in a supportive way to keep everyone you know on track and maintaining the vision of those organisations. I think it’s a really interesting point that you raise, susan. Let me first say that Patrick and I talk a lot about this podcast and he also puts me in contact with a number of the podcast guests that we’ve had on, in contact with a number of the podcast guests that we’ve had on. He’s a remarkable individual who has a global network, and so I think that question is probably one that I would like to have Patrick’s input into about a global, would like to have Patrick’s input into about a global. I think what we’re trying to do with this podcast, amongst other things, is establish, in a way, establish a place where global, good or great practice, informative practice, kind of comes together, is is collected. I understand what you’re saying it would be good to to have a forum. Oh, I think it, I think it’s possible.

Colby: 1:10:49

I I think everyone who’s come on this podcast has, you know, been really excited to come on and be a part of, amongst other things, changing the story that exists around therapeutic residential care or around residential care. I do think that there are residential care being seen just as the final resort. You know the place. You send kids that you can’t send anywhere else. I think it’s got hairs all over it, as we would say. It’s a real. Even if we, even if policymakers, just continue with that thinking about residential care and its role, I think it is highly problematic. You know, like we need to. If that’s what your thoughts are about residential care, then it needs to change. You need to invest in and be a part of the change. But I, you know, the reality is, through this podcast, is that we can easily show that there are, is that we can easily show that there are fantastic therapeutic endeavours occurring in residential care worldwide. There’s more guests that I’m really excited to have on from organisations like your own who demonstrate that.

Susan: 1:12:15

So yeah, I think, yeah, it’s about having that groundswell where there’s enough of this that force policy to change because there are better outcomes and, collectively, when you evidence all that, then you’ve got. You know. Robert kiyosaki always said to me so you need to have artifacts, artifacts, artifacts a bit like like Patrick and all these books and talking about it. So you need to have that collective. If we all did something together, collectively, and it was on the global stage, then that’s when you make real change, I think, you know, rather than working in silos and pockets. But I think, as you said, your podcast is a really big part of getting that sort of you know, your kind of the linchpin to get us all together and maybe, you know, get that happening.

Colby: 1:13:09

I think it would be really exciting to do that, and all of my podcast guests, I think, who I’ve had communication with about wanting to, are willing and wanting to reappear and talk more. So I think that what you have kind of proposed is probably another way in which we can ensure that the voice of people who you know, who have substantial experience and expertise in this sector, can come together and influence.

Susan: 1:13:47

Yeah, what about a world conference with each of us speaking? Sorry, I’ve gone a bit wild.

Colby: 1:13:58

If you’re asking me, me, what I what, what I think about, I think it, you know. Look, I think I think we’re heading in a direction of their. You know we’re making these connections between good practice, um endeavors around the place. If you’re asking for me to organise it, I’d need a little bit of help. This is not my day job. I think my wife, who also manages our practice, would have a bit of a. I hope she wouldn’t have a heart attack. She’d be very supportive, but she’d be asking me where the money comes from. You know, susan, as you say and not just you, others have said as well, if it’s the right thing to be doing, if it’s the right thing to do, then yeah, the money will come, the support will come for it. Yeah.

Susan: 1:14:51

But also Robert told me about also. You’re on purpose, but you’ve got to take action as well. Robert told me about also. You’re on purpose, but you’ve got to take action as well. It’s to be, you know, be and do and be and do and be and do you know in equal measure, is you know?

Colby: 1:15:08

Yeah Well, we’ll definitely rope Patrick in to such an endeavour and others, but look, thanks again for agreeing to be on the podcast A great pleasure. Yeah, pleasure was mine as well. Thank you Ben, thank you Colin, and yeah, I’ll look forward to speaking to you another time.

Susan: 1:15:31

Yeah, well, now Ben’s not nervous anymore and me will be right, that was my question.

Ben: 1:15:37

Patrick’s very encouraging of us to come on, but I’ve not seen him on Spotify yet. I’m still waiting, yeah.

Colby: 1:15:46

I’m going to treat that as an observation rather than a question.

Ben: 1:15:51

Thank you, colby, lovely to see you in person.

Susan: 1:15:54

Thanks, colby. Thank you, bye-bye Thank you.

Unlocking Potential Through Love and Acceptance, with Patricia Sheridan

Children Need Adults Who Believe in Their Possibilities

Patricia Sheridan’s journey in transforming children’s services in Scotland is nothing short of remarkable. As founder of the Moore House Group, her story begins with a simple yet powerful observation: that children in residential care were not having their potential recognized or nurtured. This realization came when, as a social worker, she was tasked with evaluating residential services across Scotland. What she found was deeply troubling – establishments where staff had little belief in the children’s capabilities, with no drive to measure outcomes or create compensatory curricula for young people struggling with trauma and disadvantage.

Rather than simply filing her report, Patricia took up her director’s challenge to “do something about it” and founded Moore House School in 1988. Her vision was revolutionary for its time: to create an environment where children experienced love, acceptance, and a genuine belief in their potential. This language of care was so uncommon in Scotland at that time that Patricia describes feeling like “a lone voice in the wilderness.” She had to build a network of like-minded professionals who shared her values to support her through the initial challenges.

The growth of the Moore House Group over 38 years reflects Patricia’s commitment to meeting children’s needs in comprehensive ways. From the original residential school serving children with trauma histories and attachment challenges, the organization expanded to include a foster care service (recognizing that institutional care shouldn’t be the only option for children) and later the Jane Moore Trust Trust, a school dedicated to supporting neurodiverse children. Throughout this expansion, Patricia maintained a consistent philosophy: every child has potential that can be unlocked through the right relationships and environment.

What makes Patricia’s approach particularly noteworthy is her emphasis on organizational culture and shared learning. She describes how the entire Moore House “family” – from teachers to care staff to foster carers – receives the same training in attachment theory and trauma-informed approaches. This creates a common language and understanding across all parts of the organization. Patricia herself models lifelong learning, having pursued advanced degrees in education and forensic psychology while leading the organization, demonstrating to staff and children alike the value of continuous growth and development.

Patricia’s approach to neurodiverse children further illustrates her belief that while specific needs may vary, the foundational principles remain the same. Children with neurodiversity, like those with trauma histories, benefit from environments where they feel understood, valued, and supported. The trauma these children experience may come from different sources – educational establishments failing to recognize their needs rather than socioeconomic disadvantage – but the healing process still centers on relationships and belief in potential.

Perhaps most poignant is Patricia’s reflection on how Scotland’s approach to childcare has evolved over her career. The language she once felt isolated for using – speaking of love, relationships, and children’s potential – is now embraced across Scotland’s childcare landscape. The “Promise” initiative she mentions represents a national focus on children’s voices in decision-making and supporting families to nurture their children effectively. While challenges remain, particularly in shifting focus from damage control to prevention, Patricia expresses optimism about the direction of children’s services in Scotland.

The conversation concludes with a profound insight that applies across all educational and care settings: relationships are the vehicle for all healing. Despite the perception that children who have experienced trauma are defensive and difficult to connect with, Patricia emphasizes that establishing meaningful relationships with these children is both possible and essential. By helping children feel worthy, capable, and adequate just as they are, we create the conditions for them to flourish – transforming “impossible” into “I’m possible,” as Patricia so eloquently puts it.

You can listen here:

You can watch here:

About Patricia:

Mrs Sheridan established Moore House School in 1988. Her drive was to create a service with her personal mantras “Determined to Deliver Excellence” and “I’m Possible” for young people.

Mrs Sheridan leads the Board of Directors and continues to have a hands-on approach using a range of experiences and techniques to engage with young people to elicit their views on the service they are receiving. Her passion is for young people to be supported by adults who believe in their potential and adults who share the organisational values of respect, integrity and dignity for all.

Mrs Sheridan reminds us that we are responsible for creating trusting relationships and happy memories for our young people. She strives to ensure that our young people experience as many creative, happy, nurturing memories as possible.

Mrs Sheridan continues to strive for excellence and ensures that her passion for high quality services is cascaded throughout the organisation to encourage each and every team member to recognise the important part they play in the wellbeing and progress that our young people experience.

Related Podcast Interviews:

Dr Kiran Modi

Listen here:

Watch here:

Lighthouse Foundation:

Listen here:

Watch Here:

Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Mrs Sheridan: 0:04

And I think for me it was important that I created something that I hadn’t found in Scotland, but I’m delighted to say it’s a language that we use now, a language of love and acceptance and belief in the potential of children, and that we don’t need to be embarrassed about using that language, which 30, 40 years ago, you were shunned for using that language.

Colby: 0:32

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is a British Care Awards winner and inspirational leader and founder in the field of children’s services. Before I introduce my guest, I’d like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that I’m meeting on, the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains, and the continuing connection the living Kaurna people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Patricia Sheridan.

Colby: 1:20

Mrs Sheridan established Moore House in 1988.

Colby: 1:25

Her drive was to create a service with her personal mantras, determined to deliver excellence and I’m possible for young people.

Colby: 1:42

Mrs Sheridan leads the board of directors and continues to have a hands-on approach, using a range of experiences and techniques to engage with young people to elicit their views on the service they are receiving. Her passion is for young people to be supported by adults who believe in their potential and adults who share the organisational values of respect, integrity and dignity for all. Mrs Sheridan reminds us that we are responsible for creating trusting relationships and happy memories for our young people. She strives to ensure that our young people experience as many creative, happy, nurturing memories as possible In terms of her career journey, mrs Sheridan has gathered a range of qualifications she was a registered general and mental health nurse, a qualified social worker and, at a later date, completed an MA in Education and an MSc in Forensic Psychology. Mrs Sheridan continues to strive for excellence and ensures that her passion for high-quality services is cascaded throughout the organisation to encourage each and every team member to recognise the important part they play in the wellbeing and progress that our young people experience. Welcome, patricia.

Mrs Sheridan: 3:14

Good morning. It’s lovely to speak to you again, Colby.

Colby: 3:19

Thank you. So was there anything in that bio that you’d like to expand a little bit upon or add to?

Mrs Sheridan: 3:30

Not really. I think that when I hear it from someone else it sounds a bit pretentious and I can’t believe the journey that I’ve been on. It made sense while I was doing it, but I think it reflects that I’m a lady of age. So, no, I have to accept that’s my journey.

Colby: 3:53

Yeah, and it’s a common reflection when I ask people after I’ve read their bio, particularly when they’ve read it. They’ve been working in the field for such a long time and I think and I was discussing this with another podcast guest only last week reflecting on my own long journey of practice and thinking that perhaps, as we’re doing it, our mind and our focus is on what we’re doing, you know, right now, as it should be, and it’s only when we have these opportunities to pause and reflect that we have a chance to consider the journey in its entirety and how yeah, how long a journey, or how much we’ve achieved across that journey. Indeed. So, patricia, you started Moore House in 1988, Moore House School in 1988. And since then, your operations have expanded into the Moore House Group. I wonder if you don’t mind just to start off with telling us a little bit about each of the areas of endeavour that come under the umbrella of the Moore House Group.

Mrs Sheridan: 5:14

Yes, as you said, colby, my first venture was Moore House School and it was intended to be a small residential and day service for children who had experienced trauma and who were showing attachment challenges. But over the 38 years it has become a school for 32 young people with 14 houses attached to the hub, and it ranges from primary education through to college. So that was my first attempt at trying to show what I believed was the right approach in working with children. I then decided that, because I didn’t believe that children should necessarily be an institutional experience for all of their residential education, I decided to create a foster care service, and my foster care service has become known as permanency and short term, as permanency and short-term, and again, it was intended to work with children with trauma histories. But, like I’m sure you and other people will experience, it takes on a life of its own and it’s become quite a varied group of foster carers.

Mrs Sheridan: 7:05

We have up to 50 foster carers who work with babies up to a young gentleman who is 33, with very complex needs and a special group of conditions that we had never experienced before. So for me, establishing the foster care service seemed to make sense at the time. But it’s grown into a unique organisation on its own and I’m very proud that we in fact are the only organisation in Scotland who has the highest grades of the care inspectorate, and we’ve managed to hold that for two years. So I don’t often allow myself to be very proud, but in that instance I certainly am.

Mrs Sheridan: 8:02

The third organisation that I created was the Jane Moore Trust, and it’s a charity, and it came about because there was a school in Scotland that had closed and it was a school that was working with children with neurodiverse challenges, and so it’s my nature when I get a challenge to try and do something about it. So five years ago we decided that we would open the school again. So we now have a school that works with children who have experience of neurodiverse issues. It’s a small school and we have both primary and secondary children. It has taken quite a time to get established, but we’re beginning to show evidence of our reputation, beginning to expand the pupil numbers. We are registered with the National Association for Autism and again, that for me is a reflection of the quality of what the team’s doing. So, yes, three organisations that keep me busy, but organisations that I’m very proud of and organisations that seem to have made sense to me each time that we established and added on the next organisation. It’s been an interesting journey.

Colby: 9:39

Yeah, it certainly has. What set you on this path, would you say? How did you come to be involved in?

Mrs Sheridan: 9:48

Yeah, I started I was in social work and my director in the local authority asked me to do a report on the residential services that the local authority was using, and so I visited about 12 residential services in Scotland and then I did my report and what I found was really quite sad and disappointing, and I found that the pupils that were in these residential establishments clearly came from a socioeconomic group where families were struggling with poverty and difficulty was that the staff in some of these organisations did not have a belief in the potential of these children and there seemed to be an acceptance that these children couldn’t achieve and there was no drive to measure outcomes or to create a curriculum that would compensate for the difficulties that the young people were bringing into the education field.

Mrs Sheridan: 11:13

And so I had a conversation about the report with my director and, of course, knowing me, he said well, if that’s your findings, I challenge you to do something about it. So I took the challenge on, and my first organisation that I created was Moore House School, and I think for me it was important that I created something that I hadn’t found in Scotland and I wanted to start speaking a language that wasn’t used at that time in Scotland, but I’m delighted to see it’s a language that we use now, a language of love and acceptance and belief in the potential of children. So that was my starting point in working in the residential education sector.

Colby: 12:07

And he lost an employee as well. I’m thinking, pardon, I’m thinking that he lost an employee as well. Your supervisor at the time, who challenged him yes, was he anticipating that he would lose you from the organisation? Yes yes, he was yeah.

Mrs Sheridan: 12:28

Yes, he was a wonderful gentleman and he knew his team, so he knew me obviously.

Colby: 12:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the Moore House School was a residential school. You brought together both a desire to house the young people in a more positive and encouraging way and also to deliver to them education opportunities that focused on unlocking their potential.

Mrs Sheridan: 13:15

Yes, very much so.

Colby: 13:17

And it reminds me very much of an earlier podcast that I had with John Whitwell and I’m not sure if you’ve heard it, but, um, he was talking about the uh, the cotswold community and, um, and he was talking at this point of the podcast particularly about donald winnicott, I think, and and winnicott seeing children as being like bulbs, the growth is within them. You just need to create an environment around them that unlocks that, that allows for that and facilitates that.

Mrs Sheridan: 13:57

Yeah, Very much so yes.

Colby: 14:00

And were there any particular challenges that you’d had along the way in terms of setting up the Moore House School?

Mrs Sheridan: 14:10

Yes, I think the first challenge that I struggled with was there wasn’t a landscape of talking about children in terms of trauma and attachment, and at that time the landscape was very much about control of children, and so I found it difficult a peer group of people, of like-minded people, and so it was a struggle but I thankfully managed to draw together consultants who had the respectability in the field in general, and it was about building a network of people that could share and did share my values and supported me when the going got tough, because sometimes when you’re a lone voice in the wilderness, it can be difficult. So I think the first thing was drawing a peer group together to give me sustenance. That was the first point. The second point, inevitably, was the challenge of being a new entity and not being known and having to establish a reputation. So that threw up financial challenges.

Mrs Sheridan: 15:47

I tell the story of when I first started. We didn’t have a lot of money and I had to go to the bank manager and ask to borrow money to buy a car, which I didn’t buy. The car I had to use the money to pay the wages. So there were early challenges, financial challenges but through time we became established and I think that I was very fortunate that as our reputation grew, so we got the confidence of local authorities and our numbers increased to a place where we became a viable organisation. So it was yes, I wouldn’t say it was a challenge, but it certainly.

Colby: 16:38

It took some courage and energy, but we got there yeah, it’s interesting because you’re not you’re not the first um founder that I’ve spoken to and that who has, um, almost uh, intimated that um, the first priority is to go in the direction that you you wish to go in terms of setting up a service, and you’ve almost got to.

Colby: 17:06

Well, you can hope and pray, I guess, but you’ve got to believe that, as long as you provide and deliver a professional service, a needed service, the money will take care of itself, or the money will follow, and yes, I’ve heard that experience from others, and certainly that’s the way I have practiced for a very long time in my independent practices, the focus being on just the delivery of a professional service and the money will, will, take care of itself. It doesn’t always, though, does it? Yeah, but in the end, perhaps inevitably, yeah, it does, and I really like what you were saying about needing a group of peers, bringing together a group of peers, and the logical implication of that being that even founders and directors of services need to have a reflective group to talk to, to reflect on the work that they do and offer feedback and be offered feedback and guidance.

Colby: 18:31

Yeah heads of organisations I think it’s been the consensus view of other people I’ve spoken to as well should be getting that kind of reflective mentoring, peer mentoring and, if not, full supervision. Yeah, definitely yes.

Mrs Sheridan: 18:53

I think that you can become isolated and I think it’s important that you have the humility to recognise that you may have a passion and you may have a belief, but you need to be open and available for positive criticism if we’re going to grow. If I needed to grow as an individual and the organisations to grow, so we had to have an open and transparent approach to our practice and a willingness to listen to people who had a lot more experience and that had a valuable contribution to make.

Colby: 19:41

And you mentioned that you gathered them from around the place. I’m wondering where did you find them and how do you think what were some of? I guess a bit of a question without notice, but what do you think were some of the more important things that they shared with you that informed your approach to the Moore House school?

Mrs Sheridan: 20:04

Yes, I think the very important relationship for me was that it may come with age, colby, but I was very much into the John Bobies, the John Ashcroft, all these theories of attachment that were not around and being spoken about and used in the early days, and I knew that I wanted my team to be trained and to have a real understanding of what I was trying to convey to them about how we should work with children. And I came across Dan Hughes in America and it sounds a bit pretentious, but I did go over to America to do his DDP attachment course and I just felt at home. For me it was the answer, it was the way that I wanted my staff to understand the work that I was trying to do. So I did the course with Dan in New York, actually came back to Scotland and then I met several of his team who worked both in England and Scotland, and the first person that I established contact with was Edwina Grant, who in fact was the Scottish director for Dan’s DDP organisation.

Mrs Sheridan: 21:49

And Edwina came into our organisation and started to help to introduce the DDP approach and she stayed with us for a number of years and has only recently retired, and so we became an organisation, with Edwina’s support, to start and roll out DDP in Scotland, and we still now offer DDP training to any of the organisations in Scotland that feel that that’s the theoretical approach that they want to use.

Mrs Sheridan: 22:29

So Edwina and Dan’s model theoretical model for me was a really helpful training module that I could use for the team to understand my approach. And so from working with Edwina it’s really been about me going out probably more often doing courses myself, and I came across a course in Ireland with Patrick Tomlinson, so I couldn’t miss that opportunity. So I did a course of which Patrick was a contributor, and then again I established links with Patrick and he now again works with the organisation, and so I’ve been really fortunate in that I’ve been able to be introduced to some really important, impressive, impressionable people impressive people, rather, that for me speak the same language and have the same values and the same passion for getting it right for children. So I’ve been really lucky, and our organisation’s been lucky in the people that have come alongside us and support us to make sure that we get it right for children.

Colby: 23:59

And I chuckled a little bit there, because Patrick is a mutual colleague and something of a silent partner for this podcast, in that he puts me together with some of our guests, including with you, patricia. One of the things that I think is really significant about what you were saying there is that you go and you yourself go and get trained. You attend the trainings, you, and then you. You have a strong desire for those trainings that you think speak to you and how you want your organisation to operate and run and the care and service delivery you want staff to deliver to children. You have them all trained in the same models and theories theories, um, but.

Colby: 25:08

But the interesting thing is that, by the sound of it, it’s from the top to I hate saying from the top to the bottom. It sounds terrible, doesn’t it really? Everyone in the organization is gets the same training so everyone can speak the same language and, importantly from the point of view of the children and young people that you deliver a service to, notwithstanding that everyone’s got their own unique traits and characteristics, there’s a foundation of commonality across your staff group, which I think is really important and can be. It doesn’t always exist, for example, in statutory child protection organisations, where you know large organisations but where you wouldn’t. We wouldn’t commonly see everyone, all the staff group, singing from the same hymn sheet, so to speak. But I agree, I think that’s a really valuable thing. And it’s not just I think. Another previous podcast guest, simon Benjamin, who ran the Lighthouse Foundation here in Victoria and also had worked in the Mulberry Bush School in the UK, spoke really authoritatively about the importance of everyone being on the same page. Yes, yeah, so that’s great.

Mrs Sheridan: 26:48

I think you’re right, colby.

Mrs Sheridan: 26:49

I think the importance is that everyone needs to be invested in, and everyone, if you’re saying we all have a part to play they have to understand what that part is and they have to feel valued and they have to have the confidence to contribute to the care of the children.

Mrs Sheridan: 27:13

And so for me, it’s important that we do all have the same training, and I think that was my drive. When I started, I realized that I did not have all of the skills and theoretical knowledge that I needed, and so that’s why I did my master’s in education and then went on to do my master’s in forensic psychology, for two reasons One I wanted the staff to recognise that we all need to be in a learning environment and that we don’t always have the answers, but to encourage staff to believe and to convey to children that lifelong learning is something that we should all aspire to and that it’s so valuable for both the children and for staff. And so for me, I thought, by showing an example, although it was hard sometimes finding the time, but it was about setting, you know, setting the scene and having staff understand that we’re all on this journey together, journey of learning together that you started from a place of I’m not quite sure if I know what I need to know and have the skills that I need to have.

Colby: 28:37

So you started from a reflective position.

Mrs Sheridan: 28:41

Yes.

Colby: 28:45

A reflective and self-awareness, self-evaluation, self-awareness and, I would imagine, as part of life, lifelong learning. Encouraging that, embodying that in ourselves, encouraging it in others, has as part of it an ongoing reflection of what about what? What do I know and what do I need to know? Next, and I think that that’s been again another theme of this podcast and something that I’ve said previously and stand by, is that we need to think about what we’re doing. In this area of work.

Colby: 29:25

Thinking about it can be hard I had Nicola O’Sullivan on and she was talking about how the work can be so confronting, so challenging in some ways, that it can impact our capacity to think but we need to be thinking about what we’re doing. If we stop thinking about it, we become procedural, yes, and when we become procedural, we apply a one-size-fits-all, regardless of who’s in front of us. And procedural practice can be hard, can lack heart, can, in fact, be heartless practice. Yes, yeah, and I just wanted to make the point, in case people missed it, that the Moore House School is a residential school. The children I’m not sure if you have day students as well.

Mrs Sheridan: 30:22

I think you do, don’t you?

Colby: 30:23

Yes, but you also have children who live in those homes that you mentioned, with staff, and I’m imagining that there is also the word I’m looking for. It’s getting late in the day for me, so the words don’t come as easy. Here it is, I’ve got it. We’re going to cut that bit out. So I imagine that there’s alignment between home and school, there’s concordance, there’s congruence between home and school.

Mrs Sheridan: 31:01

Yes, the team in the homes do go into the school and work alongside children, and I have a psychological service team and what they do is they work both with the house, families and the teaching team and together they work out what we call a children’s plan, and so there’s the multidisciplinary focus on the needs of the children and we also ensure teachers, care staff and our psychological services team do the same training.

Mrs Sheridan: 31:50

So there’s relationships that build up through these opportunities and there is good communication between the multidisciplinary aspects of our team. And I think the biggest challenge for the teams in the houses is that you assume that there’s confidence in terms of education for care staff, but some of our care staff struggle because they themselves had difficulties when they were in school, and so what we encourage is some of our care staff, if there’s a subject that they’re not confident in, that they will get alongside a child and the two of them will do the learning together, and it’s quite refreshing when you see the adult and the child trying to learn something that the care staff member may not necessarily be confident about. It’s nice to watch that experience.

Colby: 32:53

That’s wonderful. Yeah, as you were talking about that, I could just imagine the emotional congruence between the staff member and the child. You know the emotional connection from having that shared learning experience, which is really important for our children in need. And yeah, it sounds like just a wonderful therapeutic way of delivering aligned care across both the home and the school. And I’m wondering if your psychology service provide a therapeutic service to some of the children as well.

Mrs Sheridan: 33:41

Yes, Children can have one-to-one interventions, working with things like grief and attachment, and that’s usually alongside, when it’s appropriate, alongside the key care staff member. We attach a key staff member for each young person in a therapeutic pathway and it’s interesting to see how relationships are established and how passionate the key workers can become if a meeting’s cancelled or, you know, if there’s something important for the child. It’s interesting when you watch the two disciplines working together when there’s a need for the child that the other discipline doesn’t recognise. So yes, there’s a passion on both sides. It’s lovely.

Colby: 34:46

Yeah, it’s wonderful when you were talking at the beginning about the Moore House group, I was also thinking about the allied health team that you across the three organisations.

Mrs Sheridan: 35:18

And we normally use as much as possible community-based services in terms of health, and I think that’s important for the young people when they go back into their own community, that it builds up confidence to allow them to use community services. So we don’t cover all of the requirements in terms of health and we try to use any community-based services and it’s about the dentist, the doctor, the optician trying to help children to grow in confidence to use those services as and when they go back home.

Colby: 35:55

Right, fantastic and not being contented. Contented is probably not the right word, but moving, not finding the challenges of having a residential school enough. You then set up a foster care service. You said that you did that because you believe that children shouldn’t grow up in all of their years in a. You said the word institutional or residential care environment is what I understood you to be referring to. So were there any unique challenges, I guess, or different challenges involved in setting up a foster care service?

Mrs Sheridan: 36:43

I think it’s the same challenges as you find in terms of recruiting staff challenges as you find in terms of recruiting staff and it’s about finding foster carers who are resilient and who are open to training and are able to recognise that the challenge that they face could be quite complex.

Mrs Sheridan: 37:10

And so it was about working in partnership and we encouraged our foster carers to come to any training that’s available within any of the three organisations and we trained our foster carers in the attachment model. And it’s about, for me, stickability making sure that our foster carers have access to social work. Our social work team, our social work team carries small numbers of carers so that they can be available to carers more often than probably the local authority foster carers are able to get support. So it’s about consistency and it’s about encouraging carers to understand the very challenging role that they’re taking on. So in our organisation, we have had foster carers and still have foster carers that have been with us for over 25 years, so some of them have got stickability, but I think that the landscape in terms of the needs of children haven’t changed. I think the language has changed, but I still think the needs of children and the challenge that they bring, I think is the same as when I started nearly 40 years ago.

Colby: 38:47

So yeah, I’m very proud very proud, very proud yes, indeed you should be. And and so the fossil again, we, the, the organization as it’s grown, um continues to be aligned, uh, across all its component parts, that they have a shared values, their shared values, their shared knowledge. There’s a shared language, everyone can speak to each other and um and you, you’ve, you’ve deliberately gone about choosing um interested parties to become foster carers, who themselves are also, I guess, interested in being lifelong learners and continuing to unlock their own potential. That just reminds me again of the idea that what we do with our children we need to do across the organisation. So when we highlighted before in the bio, I first mentioned that what you wanted was an organisation that saw the potential in children and supported advancing that potential or creating the right growing conditions for that potential.

Colby: 40:15

It’s important that we do that for our staff, our volunteers, our foster carers. We do that for everything, everyone, because they get to feel it’s a bit like going to training and being inspired by training. If you’re the managing director and founder, you get inspired, and everyone else, you see the value in everyone else being inspired Very much so, yeah, so having your potential acknowledged and developed feels great and flows perhaps quite naturally into supporting the potential of the children as well, so that’s a very important and key value of your organisation.

Mrs Sheridan: 41:08

Yes.

Colby: 41:09

Yeah.

Mrs Sheridan: 41:09

And I think we’ve needed to use the language like families and again, throughout the years, we know when we speak to each other, I hear staff talking about the Moore House family, which I smile at, and the other kind of way that I describe foster carers is and care staff and teachers. I talk about them being professional, and so that implies a professional responsibility and implies the standards and values that we all need to share and the importance of each person within the family, because you just can’t attach someone onto the organisation. They have to be living and feel that they’re part of this living organisation, and so they have to grow as we grow, and so I think when I started, I really it’s over time that I’ve understood the importance of language, but it’s beginning to reap rewards so many years later.Colby: 42:28

Yeah, and I love the fact that I imagine that everyone feels like they’re on the same level across the family, and I think that’s also really important. And then, as if the challenges of running a residential school and a foster care agency were not enough, you’ve established the Jane Moore Trust and taken on the role of the school for children, neurodiverse children and young people, and I guess I mean I could ask you were the challenges or what are the influences there for the service that you’re providing for that part of the organisation?

Mrs Sheridan: 43:39

I think, to be honest, it was a steep learning curve for me. I hadn’t really had a lot of experience in working with children with neurodiverse challenges. I knew that I wanted to establish the same culture, and so I think that there were elements of our culture that were easily put into place in the new school easily put into place in the new school. One of the challenges that we faced was that the previous school had to close with very short notice, and so the first real challenge was to establish relationships with families and to build their confidence, and what I found was that we were actually dealing with trauma in the families that came back to us, and so there was a lot of work there in trying to establish that we were staying and that we would be reliable, and once we got that platform established, it was slow growth. I mean, we’ve been doing this for five years, and my first important step was to get accreditation and make sure that the team had all the knowledge and expertise that these children would need us to have, and, as I say, I did not have a lot of experience. I had to pull in experts.

Mrs Sheridan: 45:27

I was very fortunate in that two of the consultants from the school that had been there prior to us opening, stayed with us and again were very passionate and appeared to recognize where our drive was coming from, and so they stood alongside us and are still standing with us.

Mrs Sheridan: 45:52

And we tried to get accreditation through the National Association for Autism, and for me that was the kind of checklist of professional growth and expertise, and when we achieved that, it was the tick box. Yes, we’re doing it the way that we should and we’re still small numbers, but our reputation has become national rather than Scottish, and so we have referrals from England and Scotland, and most of our referrals are coming from word of mouth, from local authorities that are telling other local authorities the success that we’re having with with some of their children. But it’s still a learning curve for me. There’s still something different, um, different. I think children’s needs are the same, but I do think that, yes, they’re a unique, wonderful group of different behaviours that I’ve not come across prior to opening the school, but they challenge us in a different way. But it’s refreshing.

Colby: 47:10

Perhaps they come to the school in different circumstances. You might say Very much so. And there are, yeah, and that there are. They have their differences, but there’s a lot of. There’s still children and young people with needs, and there’s a lot of similarity as well as diversity. And the thought that was going through my mind, Patricia, was those consultants that stayed on the teaching staff that you have at the school. On what basis do they also stand in the Moore House family, so to speak?

Mrs Sheridan: 47:58

The training that we do is across the three organisations, so it offers the opportunity for establishing professional and personal relationships. So that’s the foundation of the relationship. The teaching team have some elements of training that inevitably are different, but we all train in terms of understanding trauma and attachment, because for me, trauma does not necessarily come from socio-economical challenges. It comes from experiences and for these children, their trauma came from their educational establishments not recognising their needs and not meeting their needs. So there are threads that go throughout our language and our training.

Mrs Sheridan: 48:58

Our consultants meet. One of our consultants meets in terms of therapeutic supervision and support once a week supervision and support once a week and our other consultant, her specialism is education and curriculum development. So both of our consultants work alongside developing the curriculum with the team. Because unfortunately, when we opened we needed to start almost from scratch with our teaching team and again, I think that was because the teaching team that had been in the previous school. They themselves had been traumatized by their experience and I felt that it was too big a challenge to support their healing whilst addressing the needs of children. So it felt as if we were having to start again with the teaching team. But five years later we have a cohesion and a language and a feeling that we are just an extension of the original organisation, although our approach is slightly different.

Colby: 50:16

And I guess you’ve confirmed what I was suspecting to be true and certainly suspect to be well think is true from my work is that it’s not that much different whether you’re dealing with children who have a history of relational trauma and socioeconomic disadvantage and you’re of diverse children. They’re all children. They all have needs. Relationships are important to them. So the language and the understanding that exists within trauma-informed theories and attachment-based knowledge is important across diverse endeavours, including, you know, as is represented in the Moore House group.

Mrs Sheridan: 51:16

Very much so.

Colby: 51:18

I was wondering if there is anything that you have learnt along the way that you really wished you knew when you were starting any of these endeavours.

Mrs Sheridan: 51:30

Yeah, yes, I wish that I had known at the beginning that, in terms of the development of trauma, and that services and local authorities would move away from the control of children, and I think if I had known that we would, as Scottish services, that we would get to a place where we would use language like love and understanding and relationships.

Mrs Sheridan: 52:23

I think if I had known back then that we would achieve this in terms of the Scottish approach and the Scottish landscape for children, it would have been a bit of a relief and I probably would not have struggled some of the times and cried some of the times that I did in the early days. But I think that within Scotland, childcare and education has come a long way and I’m relieved to know that my approach wasn’t wrong and that, yes, and that we are now there’s more of a camaraderie now in Scotland and an understanding about the needs of children, and for me I just I just find that exciting and a bit of a relief. So, yeah, I wish I’d known back there that we were going to be where we are today.

Colby: 53:27

Yeah, I do an activity when I’m delivering training Patricia, that I adapt for different scenarios, but from a parenting point of view, it’s an activity that’s based around this story, which is that I think of parenting as a bit like being a farmer a farmer who grows crops. Yeah, so, as the parent, you turn over the soil, you make sure you’ve got your paddocks fenced. Yeah, you turn over the soil, you add in extra nutrients that the soil may require, you choose the right time of the year to sow seeds, you plant your seeds and then you wait. You wait for the weather, you wait for you know whether you might have to manage any unwanted intrusions over those fences. But the most important thing is that we do is we wait, and we’re often in the dark about whether, yeah, whether all of those things that we’ve put into the growing environment, whether they’ll bear fruit. We have to wait for our crops to grow.

Colby: 55:00

Yeah, and it sounds very much like that in terms of your journey. You had the courage of your convictions to take service provision in a different direction in Scotland, service provision in a different direction in Scotland, and it turns out that you were right. Yeah, it turns out that you grew what you were hoping to grow. Yes, yeah, my last podcast guest was Richard Rowlandson of the Mulberry Bush School in the UK and his question was what are you feeling hopeful about in the work that you do? And the reason why I’m asking you now is I think you kind of was answering that already. Yeah, a moment ago.

Mrs Sheridan: 56:00

Yes, I’m very hopeful of the way forward In Scotland. We’re talking about the promise, which is a focus nationally, and it’s about recognising the need for children’s voice in decision-making, establishing support, genuine support for families to enable them to nurture and parent their children, so that we don’t end up with the damage and trauma that our children can end up having, and just a genuine awareness and honesty in that we didn’t get it right in the past, but that the future is brighter, there is hope for children. I still think there’s work to do for supporting families. I still think our focus is on the damage rather than preventative work being done, but I am very hopeful that, certainly in Scotland, that we are recognising and understanding the children’s behaviours and what the children are communicating by their behaviours in a way that we didn’t before. It was about control, Whereas now, and even the language.

Mrs Sheridan: 57:36

Now we’re talking about love, we’re talking about relationships and we’re taking risks in becoming attached and showing children that we can love them, that we do believe in them and that we don’t need to be embarrassed about using that language which 30, 40 years ago you were shunned for using that language. So I’m really optimistic and I’m optimistic that God gives me a lot more energy and a lot more years. We have a lot more to do.

Colby: 58:12

Yeah, well, I hope we both get that as well. Yes indeed so, Patricia. I always give my podcast guests an opportunity to ask me a question without notice. We’ve been going for about an hour now. We probably could talk for many more, but we should be thinking about winding this one up, but before we do, is there a question that you would like to ask me without notice?

Mrs Sheridan: 58:43

Yes, I’ve obviously looked into education in Australia and I’m aware of your national improvement framework and I was really wondering about you in terms of do you feel Australia’s education accepts, understands and is driven to meet the needs of the more vulnerable groups of young people? Are you optimistic about the way forward?

Colby: 59:18

That’s a really good question. I could speak primarily of my own jurisdiction, where there has been significant endeavour to roll out training across the jurisdiction to all the schools and personnel within schools in trauma-informed or trauma-responsive practice and what a trauma-sensitive school environment looks like. So there’s definitely been endeavour in that space here and in my neck of the woods In terms of what I think. What I would offer differently is a way of thinking about the work with the children that is tailored to the experience of each and every individual child who has experienced significant relational or other hardship. So capacity to think about and better understand what’s going on for each of those child and how they, how they each, each one of them expresses um that in their, in their outward behavior and and other aspects of their presentation, and I guess I would also a bit similar to what we were talking about before. I think it’s really important that when we deliver training about our most disadvantaged, we also acknowledge that they’re children like all the other children in the school and all the other children in the school are children just like our children who’ve experienced a lot of hardship, people that doesn’t discriminate in terms of the benefit that can flow from the way we approach the role. All that by way of. I encourage teachers and other staff within school that I have contact with to draw on conventional approaches to caregiving and relating that are helpful to all children, including those who’ve experienced significant hardship, because when we do that, that also communicates that all of the adults have within them the capacity to make a significant positive input into the lives the emotional, the relational, the psychological lives of the children. So I’m a little bit hopeful that schools and education are more interested in being trauma sensitive and responsive and indeed trauma informed.

Colby: 1:02:46

I think the difference between being trauma sensitive and trauma responsive and trauma informed, trauma-responsive and trauma-informed so trauma-aware, trauma-sensitive, trauma-responsive and trauma-informed, trauma-informed involves relationship. That’s, I think, the difference. So individual relationships. I really want to get to know you, to get to understand you. I really want to know what needs you have that I can assist with or respond to therapeutically to, in order to ensure that you feel loved, worthy, adequate, capable. I want to ensure those things and I think that, um, um, that that would be the difference from what I, what I understand to be what, what is being rolled out and what I would roll out is that I would encourage for teachers and other educational staff to have that capacity to think about, to reflect on, to understand the needs of each individual child and to deliver ways of of of relating to them and caring for them in school that help them to feel, yeah, worthy, capable, adequate, good enough.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:04:25

Yes, I think that’s why I use the term I’m possible for staff and children. Relationships are the vehicle to all healing, in my view.

Colby: 1:04:41

That’s right.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:04:44

So easy and yet so hard. I said so easy and yet so hard.

Colby: 1:04:51

Yeah, well, yes, I think, yeah, I think. Our children. The perception of many is that our children are defensive and difficult to establish and maintain relationships with. I mean our children who have been hurt and let down, and I’ve never found that.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:05:23

Yeah.

Colby: 1:05:23

I rarely have a child with whom I can’t develop a relationship and I don’t and I do it through helping them feel like they’re a person of worth, helping them feel like that they’re good enough, that they’re capable, they’re adequate. Yeah, just as they are.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:05:44

Yeah, wonderful little beings.

Colby: 1:05:48

They are. Yeah, they keep us on our toes a little as well. They keep us on our toes a little as well. So, finally, I did flag this with my Richard Rowlandson question, but I would just wonder if you have a question that you would like me to ask.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:06:13

My next, guest on this podcast. I was looking. It’s the lighthouse, isn’t?

Colby: 1:06:20

it, it is.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:06:21

I was looking at the work that they were doing and I think for me it’s about how do they create a culture in foster carers that replicates the values of Lighthouse and maintains the values of Lighthouse.

Colby: 1:06:47

Yeah, that’s a really good question. It’s an extraordinary organisation.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:06:51

I was so impressed when I read the background. It was wonderful and I’d like to pass my compliments on to them.

Colby: 1:07:02

I’ll definitely do that. Thank you, Patricia, for what’s been, I think, a really inspirational podcast chat between us. I’ve really appreciated you making the time to appear and I wish you all the best in your ongoing endeavours. Long may they continue to happen.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:07:31

Thank you. I’ve enjoyed this morning with you and I’d just like to say thank you for the opportunity, and it’s with links with people like yourself and Patrick that keep people like myself feeling strong and carrying on the work, so thank you for that too.

Colby: 1:07:52

Lovely. Thank you, you’re welcome.

Mrs Sheridan: 1:07:55

Thank you, you’re welcome, thank you.

Breaking the Cycle: How Investing in Children’s Services Changes Lives, with Andrew Isaac

Beyond 18: What Happens When the System Stops Caring?

In a powerful conversation on the Secure Start podcast, Andrew Isaac, Chair of BSN Social Care and the Children’s Services Development Group, unpacks the challenges and opportunities within the UK’s foster care system. With decades of experience in children’s social care, Andrew provides valuable insights into how we approach caring for our most vulnerable young people.

The foster care crisis in the UK has reached alarming proportions. Since 2010, there has been a 30% increase in children entering care in England alone – from approximately 60,000 to over 80,000 children. This dramatic rise has placed immense pressure on an already strained system. As Andrew explains, this substantial increase isn’t just a number; it represents thousands of individual children requiring comprehensive support systems, qualified foster carers, and appropriate therapeutic interventions to help them transition successfully into adulthood.

One of the most compelling points Andrew raises is the critical importance of early intervention. He laments the loss of approximately 30-40% of Sure Start centres during the financial crisis, which provided crucial early support to vulnerable families. This shortsightedness has contributed to the current influx of teenagers entering the care system. The mathematics is simple but often overlooked by policymakers: investing one pound in early intervention yields multiple pounds in savings down the line. As Andrew passionately states, “I would love a politician to say if we spend this now, these are the benefits of the country over 10, 15 years.”

The statistics Andrew shares are sobering. Approximately 23% of the UK prison population has been through the care system. Young people leaving care at 18 are seven times more likely to commit suicide than their peers. According to research by the National Economic Foundation, every pound invested in a looked-after child generates a sixteen-pound return throughout their life cycle. Reducing the number of care-experienced individuals in prison alone would release nearly a billion pounds from the justice system. These figures highlight not just the human cost but the significant economic implications of inadequate care provision.

Perhaps most concerning is what Andrew describes as “the cliff edge at 18.” At this arbitrary age, young people transition overnight from having a single agency responsible for their wellbeing to navigating up to ten different agencies independently. While legislation called “Staying Put” exists to allow young people to remain with foster carers beyond 18, the financial structure makes this unviable for many foster families who depend on the income to pay their mortgages. The result is devastating – young people “sofa hopping” with nowhere permanent to live, falling out of education, and losing contact with support services entirely.

Andrew also addresses the changing landscape of foster carer recruitment. In today’s society, particularly in metropolitan areas with sky-high property values, potential foster carers must weigh financial considerations carefully. Media coverage of allegations against carers, legitimate or otherwise, further complicates recruitment efforts. Despite these challenges, Andrew emphasizes the importance of honest conversations with potential carers – addressing their concerns upfront while also highlighting the profound difference they can make in a child’s life.

Throughout the conversation, Andrew repeatedly returns to a fundamental truth: “Foster care is by far the best setting for most children that need care outside their own families.” The goal isn’t complex – as another expert referenced in the podcast states, “the great aspiration of children in care is an ordinary life.” This seemingly modest ambition represents a profound shift in how we might measure success in the care system. Rather than focusing solely on educational attainment or other measurable outcomes, perhaps the true measure is enabling these young people to lead stable, content lives and break intergenerational cycles of trauma and care.

You can listen here:

You can watch here:

About Andrew

Andrew is a highly accomplished leader within heavily regulated healthcare, children’s services and special needs education environments.

Andrew is the Chair of BSN Social care, the parent company of six of the UK’s leading foster care agencies servicing much of England and Wales.

Andrew is also the Chair of the Children’s Services Development Group (CSDG), a coalition of leading independent providers of care and specialist education services, who work closely with policymakers, regulators and local authorities to develop policy solutions that will ensure the best possible outcomes for children and young people with complex needs.

Andrew was previously the marketing and communications manager for the National Fostering Agency, which is when we first interacted with each other.

Related Podcast Interviews:

John Whitwell

Listen here:

Watch here:

Richard Cross

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Andrew: 0:03

I would love a politician to say if we spend this now, these are the benefits of the country over 10, 15 years. If you reduce the number of looked after children or children who’ve been through the care system in prison, you would release almost a billion pounds worth of cost. The law at the moment in the UK at 18 is a cliff edge for young people. 18 plus are seven times more likely to commit suicide than their peers. So the balance of how you talk to foster carers or potential foster carers when they’re interested is really, really important. If I were talking to somebody that wanted to go into it, I would ask them what they were worried about first. There’s a sort of rule of thumb really. Most people react to something on the third prompt. Foster care is by far the best setting for most children that need care outside their own families. The best place for any child to survive is within mainstream education, but the mainstream education has got to have the right facilities to encourage that young person.

Colby: 1:19

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce and joining me for this episode is one of the earliest supporters of my work in the UK to make themselves known to me. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that I come to, this meeting on the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains and the continuing connection the living Kaurna people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Andrew Isaac. My guest this episode is Andrew Isaac.

Colby: 2:10

Andrew is a highly accomplished leader within heavily regulated healthcare, children’s services and special needs education environments. Andrew is the chair of BSN Social Care, the parent company of six of the UK’s leading foster care agencies serving much of England and Wales. Andrew is also the chair of the Children’s Services Development Group, a coalition of leading independent providers of care and specialist education services who work closely with policy makers, regulators and local authorities to develop policy solutions that will ensure the best possible outcomes for children and young people with complex needs. Andrew was previously the Marketing and Communications Manager for the National Fostering Agency, which is when we first interacted with each other. I was under the impression that Andrew had since retired some time ago, but, as we’ll hear, that does not appear to be the case. Welcome, Andrew.

Andrew: 3:17

Thank you, Hi Colby.

Colby: 3:19

You sent me a bio and it was quite extensive and impressive and you asked me not to include all of that in my introduction. But was there anything that I missed there or any comment you want to make about the retirement scenario?

Andrew: 3:38

Well, I never really ended up retiring, so it was more about a point of what you know and, uh, you know the experience that you’ve had and you can benefit other people, so you just keep going, which I’m sure you will do so yourself yeah, well, uh, maybe, um, who knows, maybe I’ll be.

Colby: 4:01

I’ll still be doing podcasts, um, when I, when I give up uh, consulting, I I think you podcasts when I give up consulting.

]Andrew: 4:06

I think you will when you give up being active. I think you won’t, because you’ll still be doing it. I’ll almost wager a lunch on that with you. Aye, aye.

Colby: 4:18

Well, yeah, and a lunch, as we were just talking about before we came on, a lunch over in your neck of the woods in the UK would be a very attractive proposition for me, as long as it’s not above 30 degrees, as I’m hearing that you’ve been having lately there in the UK.

Andrew: 4:38

Well, it’s probably good Australian weather actually.

Colby: 4:41

Every time I’ve been to Australia.

Andrew: 4:43

It’s been in your summertime and it’s been wonderful. I’m thinking, oh, oh, I wish we could have that weather over here and uh, and so we have. My wish has come true. Well, it’s the case. We don’t cope with it as well as you do.

Colby: 4:55

I don’t think I don’t know if you’re set up for it like we are, although you do often have double glazed windows in your houses, which we don’t, which is quite uncommon in south in australia. So heat transfer from outside to inside is a is an issue, but we do have air conditioning by and large in our houses. Um and look, I’ll correct you on one thing there is a difference between the hot weather in the uk and the hot weather here, particularly where I am, I’m in the UK, and the hot weather here, particularly where I am. I’m in the middle south part of Australia, in the driest state on the driest continent on earth. The heat is dry and whereas in your neck of the woods it’s humid, and we do have parts of Australia where the heat is humid. But I just don’t like humidity at all, having always been here and in fact funny story whenever I used to go to Ireland for work, I used to take jackets with me and never wore them.

Colby: 5:56

And uh one one day I was with my son. We were out on uh at a lighthouse on Fannad Head in uh County, donegal, so right out on the Atlantic Ocean, out in the west, and it was 10 degrees Celsius at the time and I was feeling warm in a T-shirt and a local Irish lady came up and started seemingly berating me and I couldn’t understand a word she was saying because she was berating me in irish and uh, and then, I think, when I looked perplexed enough, she corrected to um english and uh, yeah, it was just basically so. How can you possibly be standing out here in this force 10 gale in in in a t-shirt? But you know the humidity that you have there is just horrible from from my perspective, growing up in a dry environment well, I suppose, and the differences as well.

Andrew: 6:53

When you walk around here, especially springtime, the, the green color of the trees and the grass is fabulous. I’ve never I’ve traveled all over the world and I’ve never seen it recreated in in the way you get it for those few weeks in the spring, although the autumn is different, because you go to various parts of the usa and you have lovely autumn colors, but the spring green is uh, it lifts your spirits hugely yeah, so I got you on because you have had a long career in management and something of a post-career, but the career has been ongoing in social care and related sectors and I firstly just wanted to ask you, andrew, how you got into management in the social care setting.

Andrew: 7:52

Well, ironically, I used to work for Marriott International and they merged, which is a family company company, and they merged with a company called Sodexo, which is also predominantly a family company, and for some reason I ended up in the healthcare division in the UK for Sodexo, dealing with healthcare provision in the NHS hospitals, which I had no experience at all. But with sales and marketing and communications experience, you suddenly learn what you’ve got to do. So I found it interesting for a number of years. And then my old CEO moved sectors. He moved into the National Fostering Agency in the UK as a new CEO in the UK, as a new CEO, and you know, he and I got on extremely well and effectively.

Andrew: 8:55

I moved with him thinking, ah, what have I done? Well, your skills are transferable and actually it’s probably the best thing I ever did, because when you look at the difference you can make, particularly in children’s social care, it doesn’t matter whether it’s fostering or special needs education, you can use your skills to. Let’s take fostering, for example. Um, there was a very quaint view of quaint, perhaps that’s that’s a little bit unkind an old-fashioned view of foster, foster carers and how they were recruited, and you know what they did.

Andrew: 9:33

Um, and when the market in the uk was deregulated in the late 90s, there was an opportunity for independent fostering agencies to be created yeah um, and as part of that, then people had a choice as to whether they went to work for local governments to foster carer or they went to work for an independent fostering agency, and basically there’s never enough foster carers. I’ve never come across any country in the world where there’s enough foster carers that are doing it in a in a professional manner, and I think this is where we need to drive it forward even more in. Foster carers need to be regarded as being professional. Yeah, so I realized that, uh, part of my job would be how can we recruit foster carers in a more professional way? It also meant using my market marketing experience to to make sure that we we we gained the interest of people wanted to know about it, but once they wanted to know about it, making sure they were fully informed before they made their decisions and then making sure that during there’s a very lengthy assessment process in the uk probably on average takes at least six months, and that’s going through all the appropriate background tracks, blah, blah, blah but also, during that process, making sure they’re trained to deal with all sorts of things. Now, that was 20 odd years ago and it worked extremely well and we we recruited lots of foster carers, and our organization at the time became the largest provider of independent fostering services in the uk, and I thought, gosh, I need to learn more and more and more. So, part of my communication skills, I began getting involved with children’s Services Development Group as a member, and, looking at the legislation that applies to social care is outmoded and outdated because it was written for a time that doesn’t exist anymore.

Andrew: 11:40

If you look, should we say over the last say since around about 2010, there’s been a 30% increase in children in care in England and that’s a phenomenal amount. It’s gone from 60-odd thousand to 80-odd thousand. If then you might say, oh well, yeah, that’s only 30,000 children, but sit and look at what’s behind it. Look at the number of foster carers, look at the number of residential settings and then into your world, look at the number of therapies and and social care support that’s needed to ensure those children that should be at the focus of everything that everybody does that they can transit into adulthood and and develop a life for themselves. That’s pretty level-headed and straightforward. Doesn’t matter about whether they’re yeah, how, whether they go to university or not, but it’s about their life skills and all sorts of things. So you suddenly take that and you suddenly got a huge, huge range of support organizations that need to be there to help a young person on their journey through life, and when you get that in huge numbers, that then starts putting a huge amount of pressure on the infrastructure that’s actually used to support them.

Andrew: 13:07

I’ll I’ll take you back, maybe to the the financial banking crisis. At that particular point, um, lots of funds were taken out to make economies and and all sorts of things and, uh, give you, give you time on sure stocks. I know you know the early years of you. Know I’m as passionate about the early years as as as you are, in the sense that if you can intervene at an early stage with a young family, um, or a child, you can make such a difference in those early years where they don’t need support later on in life.

Andrew: 13:44

Now, probably about 30 or 40 percent of short start centers were lost during that financial period. Now everybody said, oh, that’s, that’s fine. Now, 10, 12, 14 years on, there is an influx of young middle teens people coming into the care system. Now I’m sure with your experience, you know the difference between looking after a 14, 15 year old, six foot two young man than it is a four or five year old. So that doubles the workload that you need to do to help them go through the issues that they’ve got, and often issues that they’ve developed over a long period of time. So, on top of that, you’ve increased the volume of what’s going through. But also, going back to the short start areas at the beginning, you’ve also lost the intellectual property that was around at those times. That isn’t passed down to new people that are coming into the sector. Yeah, so you do have at the moment, people entering the sector for all right reasons and great qualifications, etc.

Andrew: 14:58

What you don’t have is a huge amount of um older people work, older, more mature people that have been in sector a long time to be able to pass their knowledge on, and that’s that’s an area that um I I’m probably disappointed in life in, really, because, um I’m not a social worker and I have met social workers who’ve had who are career social workers and their understanding of how to help a child or a young person is phenomenal.

Andrew: 15:29

It’s almost um an automatic insight that they have with all the different types of uh elements that present themselves with the young person. So I suppose um rattling on a bit here, uh, as I worked through um with, with national fostering agency, I could see, along with my other senior colleagues, the more work, more work that needed to be done, um. And when I left, uh, um, nfa, or my quasi-retirement, so to speak, switching, I was fortunate enough to maintain my children’s services development group role, and, you know, as chair there an independent chair, because my company I actually work for are not members, that is, you know, a small membership organization of larger companies yes um.

Andrew: 16:30

You know, 90 percent of their um, their settings, are all rated outstanding or good. So the quality thresholds are there. But importantly, we can’t all say, because we’re we’re all outstandingly, you won’t have issues. You know, you’ve worked with children long enough to know that one issue and all sorts of things can go wrong. But they have an infrastructure set up to deal with a problem if a problem occurs at a grassroots level. Part of that also in the UK. It’s a mixed economy. Part of that also in the UK. It’s a mixed economy.

Andrew: 17:05

Overall in children’s services maybe 40, 43% of services are delivered by the independent sector and the rest by the state. But in England alone we have 150 plus local authorities with their own character, their own style, their own political backgrounds etc. So things are always done slightly differently. But legally the local authority is the corporate parent of a child in care and that counts as statutory obligations. And when you see the rises that we’ve talked about in volumes, you can actually see what the problem could be when one the legislation doesn’t change for it but sadly, when the funding doesn’t keep pace, yeah, yeah. So what worries me in today’s society is, you know, we don’t want the child to become a transaction People that are looking after and have responsibility for that child to look and say what does that child need? What does that young person need? How best can we work with them to deliver the right things they need to transition into adulthood?Colby: 18:23

And those questions, andrew, that you pose. They’re predicated on people who work in the sector having the time to stop and think about the young person and think about their needs and think about what services would be of assistance to them and what the outcomes look like. As it is, I think, in probably a great many jurisdictions around the world, including my own jurisdiction here in South Australia the exponential increase in the number of children coming into care, coupled with not enough funding to keep pace with that, has meant that the work has become more procedural and less reflective is how I put it.

Andrew: 19:12

I totally agree with you. You then look, and it doesn’t really matter which country you’re in certainly Australia or the UK most of the original legislation was created in the late 90s. Now, in the late 90s, bringing up a child was in a certain, you know, type of environment and setting. Today, the society doesn’t relate at all to what it was in the 90s. You know pressures on individual children, I mean especially with all the things they’re exposed to on social media, and you know the use of the internet and the you know lack of development of, you know, interaction with, with people. There’s 101 different things that people far more qualified than I can can recognize my, my view from, from, from trying to persuade the government to look at it. What’s appropriate to children and young people today is different to what it was 25 years ago. Yeah, you know, and you need then to reflect the type of service that you give them. If you take residential care.

Andrew: 20:26

Um, with residential, there are some children that benefit from being in residential care, whether that’s, you know, physical or mental or sensory, whatever it might be, there will be a need for residential care to be provided. Now, over the years, the uk has ended up with the majority of residential settings being provided by the independent organizations you know. Probably two-thirds of of local authorities do not either have any residential facilities or very few, and that’s just the way the the market goes. But then you have to question what type of child do we put into a residential care? What type of young person, what’s best for them? And you go back to saying what is it that young person needs? I know, and you know, that young person needs to be in a family orientated setting. Yep, foster care is by far the best setting for most children that need care outside their own families and that will provide them with a balance straightforward. So actually putting children into residential one is far more expensive, but doesn’t then bring the best out of them.

Andrew: 21:40

And then you take the next bit what other support do they need going around their foster care? What sort of trauma have they been through in their lives? Because, let’s face it, originally they’re in situations which they did not create themselves. So they they’re. Whether it’s, whether the families they’re born into, the situations they’re born into, was no original fault of their own. So therefore, once you understand that and saying right, okay, quite a lot of them could go into fostering. When they’re in fostering. Well support do we need to give the foster carers in order to deal with it? And secondly, what emotional support can they give them to get them through to their adulthood?

Andrew: 22:24

And in a lot of instances it is more than just training the foster carers. You do need external professionals to come in and help, particularly on the mental health side, in in being able to allow these young people to understand why their behavior is like it is, and then that in turn impacts on education, so they may be fall out of school. They’re excluded from school. Um, their, their, their learning becomes more inward looking and and here it just doesn’t happen. So, he’s, all right, you need some special educational needs.

Andrew: 23:02

Um, yeah, the best place for any child to to survive is within mainstream education, but the mainstream education has got to have the right facilities to encourage that young person, because they need to integrate back into the mainstream run in order to develop the social skills they need. And again, in a lot of instances mainstream school may not be the right place because there are here one-to-ones that probably need. I know schools where you have individual pupils that are probably needed. I know schools where you have individual pupils that are residential that require two or three adults 24-7. In those instances you put the price tag on that. That’s phenomenal. It might cost a lot of money, but that’s where the service is built around the child. So I’d love to go back to a situation where the social workers that are dealing with the child at the front line they’re dealing with a family where the where the child has come from, and they’re looking and say the foster care is where the child is planned to go, that they look at the matching skills behind it and they’re the ones that say this is the best setting for that child.

Andrew: 24:15

Yeah, doesn’t happen anymore. As you know, it goes up to. Well, this is, this is a transactional thing and this person x y z child x y z. You know that’s going to cost us this. That’s one of the alternatives that cost. Um, I don’t think that’s right, but I understand why we’ve got to that. But that’s looking and currently in the UK legislation is being changed phenomenally. There’s a big new bill going through Parliament currently which will bring a lot of things up to date, but that will require a lot of implementation.

Colby: 24:55

So you might have an Act of Parliament that’s passed, but then you’ve got to implement it, and that means detailed changes to regulation, to guidelines, which will take some time and look, there’s so much in that, in what you were talking about, and I think you’ve really laid it out in terms of that exponential increase in young people ending up in care in the UK over the last couple of decades.

Colby: 25:25

I want to take you back to your role in the National Fostering Agency and you talked a little bit earlier about recruitment of foster carers and I guess one of the biggest challenges has been, with that increase of young people coming into care, that there’s been a need to really step up the recruitment and you’ve been competing, I guess as well, recruitment, and you’ve been competing, I guess as well, with other independent bodies that came into the marketplace, so to speak. I’m really interested to hear about and I’m sure our listeners will be about the recruitment of foster carers, your experience as when you’re in the National Fostering Agency, what you thought helped or hindered that process of securing enough quality foster carers.

Andrew: 26:26

Yeah, I think, if you go back to the basics of foster care recruitment, it’s you need to attract the right person for the right reasons in the first instance, um, and going back a number of years, there was a situation where you could assure them well, actually, you’re not doing it all for nothing.

Andrew: 26:45

You are being given fees in which to cover your costs and and the time that you spend, because there there is a statute tax benefit statute in the UK which we managed a couple of years ago to get doubled so that they can have these fees which won’t attract income tax, and that’s part of it in today’s cost of living crisis. But going back to your original question, there’s a sort of rule of thumb. Really. Most people react to something on the third prompt. So, if you get interest from somebody who may have watched a tv program where fostering has been involved, and many of the soap operas, um, certainly in the uk, which I’m sure are broadcast in australia as well um have had storylines based around fostering now, I know that because we advised on on a number of them and you’re watching that and you think, oh, you know, you know our kids are getting older or left home empty nesters, all that sort of thing maybe we could foster.

Andrew: 27:52

And they think about it, um, and and, as they’re going through their daily life, they might see an article in a magazine, they might see something online, they might look at one of your podcasts, um, or they, they, they might see huge recordings, I mean, whatever it might be, might then be a second prompt and then probably a year or months or whatever later, they will come across a situation that they recognize on the how, the call to action, how to do it, and this could have a period of a few months, or typically that is over a year or so. Whilst people think about it, you know, and they then they’re, they’re moving from oh, it’s in there to. Well, actually, we really need to look about this now that at that point, whoever is providing the service and whomsoever they contact need to be aware of community and location. It is no good somebody in the north of england talking to somebody on the south coast telling them what it’s like on the south coast. They would need to talk to somebody in their, their vicinity, part of their community, that say in our community we have this number of children that need looking after. These are the types of children they are, and this is where you could make a good difference in that dialogue explaining the child and then understanding from the potential foster carers where they feel their skills like, bearing in mind that none of them would necessarily, apart from bringing up their own children, would would have any knowledge, and that’s when you talk to them about. Well, if you’re interested in looking after teenagers, then the type of training we give you will help you deal with situations you will come across and you know where your own, your own experience with your own teenagers is hugely helpful, but these probably are not as typical as your own kids would be. So that’s the process, then. Is is talking to them and not pressurizing and understanding what they have to go through to get it. Now, that’s part of it, and once I think, ok, I’m going to put my toes in the water and I’m going to fill in this application form, which is hugely long, can make the difference in talking to people and explaining this is hard, but the results are worth it.

Andrew: 30:41

And and going through the assessment process is challenging. Uh, it does go, you know. It does dig into your innermost thoughts, your personal life. It’s, you know. It can expose an awful lot of things. It talks to your family, all sorts of stuff. Yeah, for all the right reasons, because safeguarding is paramount for the child.

Andrew: 31:01

Um, so going back again is how do you approach people now in today’s society? Can let’s come up to date. Now you’ve got metropolitan cities? Uh, you know, you’ve know, london, manchester, birmingham, melbourne, sydney, etc. Property prices through the roof. If you’re in london and you’ve got a couple of spare rooms and you want to, should we say, increase your money into the household, you could probably rent the room out to to somebody for a lot more than you would get fostering. So therefore the property value becomes an issue.

Andrew: 31:39

You then have a lot of exposure in the media about accusations and allegations from children and young people and that people will say do I really want to go through that?

Andrew: 31:53

Yeah, because if you look through, you know, and yes, you know, these things happen and sometimes they’re they’re not good. I can mention a couple of cases in the uk where immediately, you would be fully aware of what what it was about, but there are also allegations made that aren’t uh, you know, aren’t true, and that has a huge effect on potential foster carers in the first place. Yeah, so the balance of how you talk to foster carers or potential foster carers when they’re interested is really, really important understanding, understanding their motivation. If I were talking to somebody that wanted to go into it, I would ask them what they were worried about first, what worries you about becoming a foster care? Because that way you’re bringing it to the front and not leaving it in the background somewhere, so that halfway through their assessment they’ve had enough. When they go to the more difficult training, well, you know what to do with, with restraint and all that sort of stuff um, you know they’re more equipped for that.

Andrew: 33:08

So, apart from recruitment, there’s also retention of foster carers yeah yeah, particularly those maybe had a bad experience or who haven’t been able to manage a particular placement and there’s been a placement breakdown. You then got to look at how you deal with that. Um, I’m at a couple in london and, um, they’d been long-term foster carers. They have three young people. They were full-time, they didn’t have other jobs. One young person was disabled but they went on all the relevant training to deal with his disability Great. They had a couple of other young people in one who had special educational needs and one who was a great kid with the other two. That makes sense.

Andrew: 34:03

And when one of the children moved on, they then turned to preparing babies for adoption, which the adoption process can be interminably long, even for little babies, and often they would have those babies from, you know, a couple of days old or a few weeks old, through to two or three. During that period, in order that child develops, they have to attach. So the child itself is going through the normal procedure and this couple were phenomenal at this and and the problem happens then when an adoptive parent is found and they then go through a number of months when they’re working with the adoptive family to transfer across and, you know all the usual things about the day-to-day routine, and then the day comes when the baby is handed over or the young child is handed over. They maintain contact for questions, questions, that sort of thing. And then we found the.

Andrew: 35:11

It was almost like a bereavement process for the foster carers. How then do we counsel them to? You know, they know what they’ve done is for the best interest of the young person child, but how do they deal with the emotional side of then relinquishing those two or three years and relinquishing, uh, and then the, um, the, the husband, um, he used to go for about three days into his shed for the bottom of the gut and bang nails into bits of wood and scream and yell at himself to get out that, yeah, um. So we, we developed at that point, uh, quite a lot of, uh, little bits of counseling that will wrap around them, make sure that they went through the process and realized they weren’t on their own. But that is a a difficulty within fostering. If you’re doing that, I so admire those people because you know you’re you’re an attachment specialist. I mean, I, I would struggle with that.

Colby: 36:23

I don’t know if you would uh, to perform the role Absolutely, and certainly for the children as well. I mean, children will not be unaffected by this process as well, and one of the things that you’ve talked about in terms of the recruitment of foster carers is that balance of what you say to them, how you prepare them in the early stages of them expressing their interest and then through the assessment process. And what I heard you say is that it’s important to be realistic and it’s. It’s interesting because I um, I have in in an earlier part of my career, I was involved in inter-country adoption assessments, assessing couples who wanted to adopt children, uh, from overseas, and everything was upbeat about it. You know, these were people who were going to ensure that children grew up in a family environment as opposed to an institution in a third world country, and it was also very positive.

Colby: 37:36

And then there was a movie that was made about the two lads that were adopted by a. Well, two lads were adopted by a couple in New Zealand from India. It centred around one of those particular lads and I cannot remember the name of it, but it was a very good portrayal of how complicated it is raising children who have experienced relational traumas or attachment traumas, at the least. And if a child has grown up in a family until they’re three and then they go to another family, there are consequences associated with that. And I’m well and truly on the side of being as open and transparent as we can be about both, both the the blessings and the and the curses, so to speak, because I think people need to be, they need to be prepared, and then that feeds into retention, of course, because you you don’t want people who find six months in 12 months, in two years, into providing a placement or placements that this is not what they were told it was going to be, because then you’ve got potential um harm for them, the foster, the foster parents who have to relinquish children because it is not what they were expecting.

Colby: 39:18

Usually they’ve not felt supported enough or that the decisions that are taken by the child protection authorities are run counter to what they think should happen. And in my jurisdiction, and I’m sure in plenty of others, birth family connection and birth family contact is one of those vexed issues, those vexed issues. So it’s not only is it tremendously impactful for foster carers to come to the realisation that this is not what they signed up for and that it is harming them in some way. But then those children as well, those children that have been in their home, the impact for them of a foster placement that has to come to an end. A lot of what you’re saying is really resonating with me. If you can’t tell the story, warts and all then how can people be prepared for it?

Andrew: 40:22

Yes, and I think you have to be truthful and establish what their worries are. But then you must also outline the benefits. Just to give you another example, a couple I know have three young people with them a brother and sister and now a six or seven-year-old. And the two older children were in a bit of a state when they arrived and this couple have done some amazing work with them, to the extent that um the issues with with family contacts was were dealt with. Um, and the two older children are now in a position to choose and select, and they chose no further family contact. It was their choice and they had all the right support in doing it. But the older children now, when they get to 18, want to change their name to that of their foster carers. That’s an amazingly successful placement where the two older children have been there eight, nine years now and they feel as if they’re in a fully fledged family environment. But they are also working with their foster parents on a younger child that’s come in who has been through a very traumatic time, and the youngsters are helping and I just think that’s quite wonderful.

Andrew: 41:59

So I suppose what you’ve got to, you’ve got to look at, is we often hear. Well, we regularly hear when things go wrong. What you don’t hear about is when things go right, and you know there, there are so many wonderful stories out there where things go right. Um, and it’s getting that balance. My other hobby horse is what happens at 18 um, because the law tell me what you think the law at the moment in the uk at 18 is?

Andrew: 42:26

Tell me what you think the law at the moment in the UK. 18 is a cliff edge for young people Transition into adulthood, Up to 18, there is a corporate parent structure where there are statutory obligations and they’re dealing with one agency. Day after their 18th birthday they deal with eight, nine, ten different agencies. Now you tell me what young person at 18 that’s had a pretty traumatic upbringing being stabilized by by good foster carers? How on earth are they going to cope with that? You know it’s your own children. You don’t kick out at 18. The downside is, whilst there’s a lot of rhetoric going on about it, the foster carers who make their life as foster carers, so the fees they receive per their mortgage and their bills and things like that, have no option, option at 18.

Andrew: 43:28

But if they’ve got a spare room, move on to the next young person coming in. If the older child is to say, there is a facility called staying put in the uk but the finances of that don’t work for the foster carer. So you imagine you’ve got. You know we did some uh cstg quite a lot of research a few years ago in terms of what happens to kids post 18. 23 of the uk prison population has been through the care system or contact with the care system. Yeah, there are 18 plus are seven times more likely to commit suicide than their peers.

Andrew: 44:12

We worked with a couple of homeless charities and the number of young people that were sofa hopping because they had nowhere to live. Because they had nowhere to live it. How on earth do we expect them to move into and become self-sufficient when we don’t track them through? So my advocacy at the moment is we need to do something to take on. And yes, there is statutory legislation. You get the the uh, the rhetoric back that they should do this. We look after laughed until they’re 25. Yes, the law is there that highlights that at a senior level, but where is the practical input.

Andrew: 44:56

You look at the stats and how many kids have lost contact with their original corporate parent. Therefore, we haven’t tracked where they’ve gone. And in today’s society they they fall so much easy, easily into the wrong areas. They become more statistics. There was a study done by the national economic foundation a number of years ago now probably more years than I care to remember. I think it still brings true every pound that was invested in a looked after child will have a life cycle of 16 pounds. As you go through now you hear the numbers on that. It’s huge amounts of money. If you reduce the number of looked after children or children that’ve been through the care system in prison, you release almost a billion pounds worth of cost out of the justice system.

Colby: 45:51

Yeah, I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to hear it, but Graham Kerridge was a very interesting podcast guest of mine, one of the earlier podcasts. He’d worked at the beginning of his career in the Cotswold community and had thereafter gone into international health development, health management quite an illustrious career. But he got me thinking about well. He was very interested in human capital and that was what led him to get involved in social care at the beginning of his career. And when we create a better life for a young person, we’re also creating a better life for their long-term partner, their children and their grandchildren. Potentially that human capital created is intergenerational in effect, and also, as you say, the services that and this is tied up in the whole early intervention movement and the rationale behind its importance. But if we can keep our young people out of institutions like the justice institutions, there’s an untold capital almost.

Colby: 47:15

When you’re talking about well, another podcast guest of mine you’ve touched on it a couple of times, but her name is Adela Holmes. She had this. It sends a chill down your spine quote that the great aspiration of children in care, children who have grown up in care, is an ordinary life. And wouldn’t that be great if they could just have an ordinary life, have their own children successfully raise those children, have grandchildren, and the saving not just the saving but the benefit to society of that happening is You’re so right because there’s been some fiscal studies on early intervention that if you invest one pound up front you’ll double your returns very quickly.

Andrew: 48:16

Up front in the early years will just save you so much money going forward. And that’s perhaps trying to change the narrative of how chancellors of the Exchequer and treasury ministers look at spending. It’s all short-term budget now, because maybe in five years time or 10 years time they’re no longer going to be in power. They’re not worried about that. Yeah, I would love a politician to say if we spend this now, these are the benefits of the country over 10, 15 years and you drive through.

Andrew: 48:49

You talked about the human capital. Now you take that and I want an ordinary life. So my human capital is going to develop. I will get a job, I will pay my taxes, I will have a partner, I will have children. They will grow up in a more secure environment. They will grow up in a more secure environment. They will grow up normally. Of course they’re going to need health care and dental care and schooling and that sort of stuff, but hopefully then they will move into job. So you then start creating revenue for the country as well.

Andrew: 49:20

Incidentally, but the person that kicked it all off the child account wanted an ordinary life. But the person that kicked it all off the child account wanted an ordinary life gets their wish granted and they become happy, as contented as they could. But they could best they could possibly be as a human being, and it doesn’t matter if you, you know, rich as creases or as poor as a church mouse. It’s about are you content as a human being that you’ve done your very best in everything that you do? And if you could give those young people the skills to be as good as they could possibly be, then that investment early on pays huge dividends to society. Every time you open a newspaper or you look online at news, there’s some sort of disaster regarding young people or you know young families. There’s a major crisis going on and you think, if you went back, how could that have been avoided? For a kickoff not knocking the backside out of early start, you know, 15, 20 years ago. I wonder if you can come back to that yeah, yeah.

Andrew: 50:33

It is something, but I mean it is what it is and we are where we are, but now we need to make sure that the money invested is invested correctly. The best place for any child that needs non-family you know none non-birth family help is in a family environment. It’s the same the whole world over. But I think the focus on that but it’s the short term the short-termism by governments all over the world is probably a fault there.

Colby: 51:06

Yeah.

Andrew: 51:07

And the narrative, the whole narrative needs to change, but change in any first world country takes time. And it’s not, you know it’s not political gold. That’s the problem. You know, the problem is always going to be there and children’s services tend to be a Cinderella service across the world.

Colby: 51:30

What do you mean by that? Sorry?

Andrew: 51:33

What do you mean by that? A Cinderella service that it’s out of sight, out of mind? If it’s just plodding along, that’s fine. The minute it makes a headline, something done about it, yeah. But most of the time it doesn’t make the headlines, because the much more interesting things that you know that politicians say and do that people want to read about and I don’t think the societal change over the last couple of decades is is reflected in how we look after our children. These days we’re very much reliant on processes, procedures, and we’ve always done it this way. That’s right.

Colby: 52:18

Somebody needs to make a change. That’s a nice spot to pause and reflect on. I mean, we were talking about it early on and I said that whenever you’re in a or I would say that whenever your resources are stretched, you’re time poor and otherwise your resources are stretched in whatever role that you’re performing. We do have a. There seems to be a human inclination to become very procedural. This is how we’ve always done it Stop thinking, stop stopping and thinking, but just becoming very procedural and I’ve said it in a number of podcasts Our service delivery, in those circumstances where we’re not thinking about ourselves and not thinking about the person, the recipient of our services, when they’re received procedural, they can be quite heartless and that that’s, that’s not a good outcome. Andrew, thank you for agreeing to come on. I always there’s so much I could talk to you about. There was so much in there that I could follow up on, and maybe, if you came, we might set up another time down the track a little ways and explore it a little bit more.

Andrew: 53:44

I particularly would love to talk to you more about the Children’s Services development group, um, as well yeah, yeah, quietly in the background, they do a huge amount of work to try and let politicians understand what the real world of children’s services is about yeah, yeah now, andrew, yeah yeah, well, I’d love to as well.

Colby: 54:10

Now, I always always well these. I’ve started a trend of giving my my podcast guests an opportunity to ask me a question at the end of the podcast.

Andrew: 54:18

I wonder if there’s a question without notice you’d like to um launch onto me, so to speak well, I think one of one of the things that I’ve always uh you know, admired, enjoyed and agreed with is how can we teach ordinary folk, whether they be parents, foster carers or workers in our sector, how can we give them simple tools to help with making children more resilient to their circumstances? What would you say, the simple tools that foster carers, ordinary parents, can use when they’re helping children, so those children in today’s society become more resilient?

Colby: 55:10

Yeah, well, it’s a good question. I think I don’t know if I’m aligned with others or a little bit different from others, but I often think that complex problems are not easily solved with complex solutions. Yeah, and in actual fact, the solved with complex solutions? Yeah, and in actual fact, the problem with complex solutions, such that they depart from conventional caregiving, they’re hard to implement and they’re hard to sustain over time. And our children, particularly our children, who have experienced disruption, attachment disruption, loss and trauma in their life, if there’s one thing that that triggers them, that gets them going, is inconsistency.

Colby: 56:02

So the last thing you want to do, I think, is to advocate an approach to caregiving of our young people that is even difficult to implement in the first place, but certainly difficult to maintain over time, and particularly in the face of our young people. You know the ship doesn’t turn around quickly very often, and and and people can lose hope, you know, or lose faith in, in, in the worth of of strategies, and then they’ll revert back to some other previous approach. Now that’s the big problem is the reverting back. So our young people, just you know they’re left with thinking, oh, are you going to be like this or are you going to be like that? Are you going to be like that and how long is going to be like that? Are you going to be like that, and how long is that going to go on for before you end up coming back? So my view is that we need to have a look at conventional aspects of caregiving and relating that are very powerful and very important to the recovery, the reasonable recovery, that we can expect our young people to make. I say that because I think we’re all impacted by what happens during our childhood, and the best of us and everyone else as well, and so I think our children retain some enduring sensitivities, but we can put them on that path that you talk about of being resilient to challenges in life, of achieving that goal of an ordinary life where we um, where they get um, caregiving, that um is conventional, so it doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb, it’s not triggering. This is this is not what I’ve seen or experienced before necessarily um, and I say that because all kids who come into care have experienced some level of conventional care prior to removal. It’s just been inadequate, grossly inadequate often enough, but conventional approaches to caregiving and relating are still recognisable to the children. So all that by way of our children coming to care. Often enough, they’ve had a disrupted period of growth and development at the beginning of their life.

Colby: 58:40

So the things that we know that support happy, healthy babies and positive growth and development are things like a fairly consistent home environment with consistent carers, caregivers. Those caregivers are there for them, are accessible to them. They don’t spend a long time away from the infants. If they do move away, they check in on them frequently and in in doing that, the infant first learns you’re the people that look after me and later learns you’ll still be there to look after me even when I can’t see you hear, you smell, you touch, you taste you. In those circumstances they develop an appropriate understanding that that the people who look after them truly are there for them, are accessible to them.

Colby: 59:37

When their tummy is feeling uncomfortable after a feed, they get burped. When their nappy’s feeling a bit uncomfortable and wet and yucky, they get changed. When they’re needing comfort, they get held. When they’re tired, they get put to sleep. When they’re hungryucky, they get changed when they want to. When they’re needing comfort, they get held. When they’re tired, they get put to sleep. When they’re hungry, they get fed.

Colby: 59:56

So the infant’s experience is that that the people who look after them understand their experience, understand what’s going on for them, and they can trust you can trust this person because they understand me. And then they and and not only do they understand what’s going on for me, they respond to what I need, and when I’m happy, they’re happy. When I’m sad, they’re sad. When I’m screaming the house down, they’re looking like they’re about to have a meltdown, but then they get themselves under control and they come back and they calm down. And that’s so reassuring for me as a small child that I can trust this person to understand me in their thoughts, in their words, in their actions and in their expressed emotions. But they will then help me regulate back to a calm and contented place.

Colby: 1:00:50

So you did ask the question. This is a rather long answer, but what I’m really getting to is that those things that were really key during infancy and early childhood, that were often inadequate in our children in care, they’re the things that we need to enrich and put back in and make sure that our young people have a really good experience of it. It might look a bit different to how you do it with a baby, undoubtedly, unless you’ve got a baby in your care, it will look different. But what you want is a household that has some things that are consistent about it that the care that is delivered, including these other things I’m going to say, are delivered consistently. That you check in with the child or young person proactively. You just bob your head in, see how they’re going, so that they have the experience that you’re thinking of them, aware of them, and you’re there for them. That when you bob your head in, you notice what they’re doing In your words, rather than asking a question, you might say to them oh, you’re really getting into that game. I’ve seen you watching a lot of this program. You obviously love it. But they experience this as understanding them, just as the infant does when we change them when it needs changed or we feed them when they’re hungry, and that we, we anticipate some of their requests, their reasonable requests, that we would respond to and we delete. We respond to them without them having to ask their experiences. Wow, the I can trust this person. They understand my needs and respond to them without me having to push their buttons and pulling their strings.

Colby: 1:02:35

And play is every carer’s superpower. When you play, we fall into sync the adult and the child. You know we have a good time together, there’s good moments of emotional connection, and then the adult doesn’t let it go too far and they regulate back to calm and the kids come with us. They’re not, they’re not difficult. I mean a good example.

Colby: 1:03:00

Often our kids love all kids love hide and seek. But often our kids in out-of-home care really love hide and seek but they’re really bad at it because they can’t that when, when you get them to go and hide, they can’t hide without calling out I’m here, you’re getting close to the cup again, because they want to be found. That hide and seek such a great game because it it it helps children to tolerate temporary separations. But for our kids in care, it’s a great game because it helps them to experience that they will be found. So there you go.

Colby: 1:03:43

That was probably a 10-minute answer. You might have anticipated a five-minute one. But, yeah, being consistent, being consistent, accessible, responsive and emotionally connected to our kids, that’s the what I would. Um, yeah, thank you. Thank you again, andrew. Now, andrew, I’m gonna do something that, um, you’re the first person I’m going to do this, for it was a suggestion that was made by my colleague and somewhat of a silent partner for this podcast, Patrick Tomlinson. He has suggested it might be a good idea to get podcast guests to think of a question for the next guest. Now, I think that would be a little bit hard, a bit rough, unless you knew who the next guest was. So I’m going to tell you and I’m not going to tell anyone else, thank you.

From Orphanage to Therapeutic Community: Portugal’s Residential Care Revolution

Every Girl Deserves a Chance to Flourish Beyond Trauma

A remarkable journey through two centuries of child protection unfolds as Colby Pearce speaks with the core technical team from Livramento, a residential care home in Porto, Portugal with a transformative approach to supporting vulnerable girls.

From its origins protecting abandoned children during the Napoleonic invasions to its current therapeutic model, Livramento’s story challenges common perceptions about residential care. The team – Yvonne, Maria, Bruna, Carla, and Liliana – share how their graduated approach to independence creates pathways for young women to thrive despite early trauma and family breakdown.

What makes Livramento exceptional is their unwavering focus on education as the key to breaking cycles of disadvantage. Through scholarships and supportive environments, they’ve achieved a nearly perfect academic success rate, with many residents continuing to university. Their innovative pre-autonomous program within the facility followed by semi-independent living in nearby apartments provides a gentle transition to adulthood while maintaining crucial supportive relationships.

The conversation explores how Livramento transformed from a closed institution to a therapeutic community through collaborative work with consultant Patrick Tomlinson. Their approach encompasses family intervention, regular supervision for all staff, and continuous evaluation of outcomes. Most striking is how they’ve created a family-like environment where younger girls aspire to follow the path of successful older residents.

For anyone interested in child welfare, therapeutic residential care, or trauma-informed practice, this conversation offers profound insights into what’s possible when we truly commit to transforming young lives. Subscribe to the Secure Start podcast for more discussions challenging outdated narratives about residential care and showcasing innovative approaches to supporting vulnerable children.

Listen here:

Watch here:

About Livramento:

The Fundação Lar Nossa Senhora do Livramento (FLNSL) is a non-profit Private Social Solidarity Institution (IPSS) that receives female children and young people aged between 6 and 25 years old into its residential care programme.

The history of Livramento is intertwined with the history of the city of Porto, dating back to the Napoleonic invasions. At that time, a group of citizens organised themselves to protect children and their mothers from abandonment and mistreatment, creating the first shelter in 1810.

Livramento accommodates female children and young people aged 6 and over who are in a situation of danger or neglect, and whose reception is requested by the competent entities – Family and Juvenile Court or Commission for the Protection of Children and Young People at Risk. The objective of this social response is the protection and rehabilitation of children and young people, aiming at the following possible life projects: family reunification, foster care, adoption or autonomy.

Livramento operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, ensuring accommodation, food and personal care as well as monitoring and promoting their integral development.

In recent years, the residential shelter has undergone a very significant transformation process, which I am hoping to discuss further in this episode of the podcast.

My Guests are Ivone (Psychologist), Maria (Social Worker), Carla (Psychologist), Liliana (Special Education Technician), and Bruna (Psychology Intern).

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Maria: 0:04

In this way, I think we are not giving all the answers. We are just giving a way of thinking about the work and a way of reflecting about the work and the needs of the girls.

Liliana: 0:14

In all the different projects or perspectives that we have here working in our that we are more responsible for the project, but we are very connected and of course we have to be that way.

Ivone: 0:29

Most of the times in other organizations. There are the apartments, autonomous apartments. Then we have here a level in the middle that is the pre-autonomous and what we evaluate. This is a good practice because it is an autonomy, but inside the house.

Bruna: 0:46

When we started working with the families, we changed a little bit and we would like to promote health relationships with them.

Carla: 1:00

I really do believe that residential care homes may be the best them. I really do believe that residential care homes may be the best opportunity to life change of some girls in some situations.

Colby: 1:11

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce and this episode will be a little different. Joining me will be the core technical team of a residential child care home in Portugal, which has provided a home and support for girls and young women for more than wait for it 200 years. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to begin by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the land. I’m coming to you from the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains and I’d like to acknowledge the continuing connection that the living Kaurna people, as with all Aboriginal people, feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging my guests for this episode and you heard it right, I say guests because there are five of them. They are Yvonne, maria, bruna, carla and Liliana from La Nossa Senhora do Livramento, and I hope I pronounced that correctly. La Nossa Senhora do Livramento is a non-profit, private social solidarity institution that receives female children and young people aged between 6 and 25 years into its residential care program.

Colby: 2:50

The history of Liverminto is intertwined with the history of the city of Porto, dating back to the Napoleonic invasions. At that time, a group of citizens organised themselves to protect children and their mothers from abandonment and mistreatment, creating the first shelter in 1810. Livermento accommodates female children and young people aged six and over who are in a situation of danger or neglect and whose reception is requested by the competent entities, family and Juvenile Court or the Commission for the Protection of Children and Young People at Risk. The objective of this social response is the protection and rehabilitation of children and young people, aiming at the following possible life projects Family reunification, foster care, adoption or autonomy.

Colby: 3:52

Live Remento operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week, ensuring accommodation, food and personal care, as well as monitoring and promoting the integral development of its service recipients. In recent years, the residential shelter has undergone a very significant transformation process, which I’m hoping to discuss further in this episode of the podcast. Welcome Yvonne, maria, carla, liliana and Bruna. So I think we’ll get started. I wonder if, just to begin with, if you might introduce yourselves to me and to our listeners to me and to our listeners and what I guess, what your role is at Livramento and also how you came to this role.

Carla: 4:57

Who’d like to start, yvonne?

Ivone: 4:59

Yvonne.

Carla: 4:59

Yes, yes. So hi, I’m Yvonne. I’m here about 20 years. This year is about 20 years. I’m a psychologist and I was invited to substitute a colleague a psychologist the first one in Livramento because she was pregnant. So that was the starting point of our team. From then it became to grow. Three years later I was invited to become director, replacing the main director. That was a nun, and that’s so. We later, some sometime later later, Maria came. So I started in 2005, no, 2005, working here, and now I work as a director.

Colby: 5:52

Hi, well, and thank you and welcome to this podcast and, yeah, I’m really glad that you’ve continued to communicate with me through some difficulties with my email, it seems, and we’re all here now, yeah, so who would?

Maria: 6:08

like to go next well, I can go next. My name is maria. I am a social worker. I have been working in livermento for a bit also, like yvonneonne, my role first of all. Thank you very much, colby.

Maria: 6:27

I’m sorry because, I think I’m a very eager consumer of podcasts, and when I heard that your podcast existed, it was very exciting to me to understand that someone was giving voice to such a specific area and field of work. At least, I don’t know a lot of podcasts like this one, and to be invited to participate seemed to us all like a really big issue. So thank you very much for giving us this opportunity too. Giving us this opportunity too. That being said so I have been working in Livramento for more or less the same time, yvonne.

Maria: 7:13

I entered a few years later and my role is, as I said, quite I’m a social worker, but I am what we call a reference technician, so technical director and technical references, as we are like a multidisciplinary team. And, yes, so we have this role of managing several issues that regard the safety, promoting the rights of children and young people in Porto, which is the second city of Portugal and very glad to be here. We’ll have the opportunity to talk a lot about this, so thanks, Thank you and I’m glad to have you all.

Colby: 8:02

And yes, the podcast is very much well at least quite a significant part of it is going to be dedicated, and has been dedicated, to looking at changing narratives that exist about residential care that are less positive than many instances would show it can be.

Maria: 8:35

Yeah, great.

Ivone: 8:37

I’m Carla Carla and I have the same functions as Maria João. It’s more easy for me my presentation because I will make Maria João words mine. And I’m a psychologist and I am in the technical team Since Liliana, 15 years, 16 years more or less.

Liliana: 9:00

I think you are since 2010,. I think I think you are since 2010,.

Carla: 9:07

I think Since 2011.

Colby: 9:11

Welcome, carla. You might as well go next, then, liliana.

Liliana: 9:17

Yes, we are introducing ourselves by the time that we are here in Liberamento. So I’m Liliana, I’m really glad to be here with you, so I’m really thankful, as Maria said, and I’m a reference technician. Also, I’m a social educator. I’ve been working. I was thinking, listening to Yvonne, I’m in Liberamento about 12 years now, I think, and more or less in the child protection, more like 15 or 16 years old, more or less like this. And our role in Liberamento is similar between the three of us, the four of us me, maria, carla and Bruna and the difference is I’m more related to the old, young people that we have here. The are related to the promote the skills of autonomy, but we have the opportunity to explain that in more detail.

Bruna: 10:26

so I’m Bruna and new head of the team. I’ve started here on doing an internship three years ago and last year I was integrated the technical team and I have the same roles as Maria Carla and Liliana.

Colby: 10:50

Welcome to you too, bruna. Now, I nearly forgot to say it, but it’s just popped into my head that I wanted to confess that I visit your country weekly. Through the wonders of modern technology, that is. So. Not only do I produce videos and post them on YouTube, I spend a bit of time on YouTube as well, so I tend to watch a lot of YouTube channels of people from other parts of Europe and the UK who come to live in Portugal, both in northern and central, and set up an off-grid homesteading lifestyle, which is what I do here in Australia. When I’m not working, I spend my weekends at my own off-grid homestead as well, so, yeah, so a number of the channels that I watch on YouTube are people who are in Portugal. Mainly, is it Casabranco? Yeah, casabranco around that central Portugal? Have I pronounced it poorly?

Ivone: 12:04

Castelo Branco. Yeah, castelo Branco, castelo.

Liliana: 12:05

Branco, castelo Branco, castelo Branco.

Colby: 12:10

I just abbreviated it a little bit.

Bruna: 12:12

It’s.

Ivone: 12:12

Castle, Like Castle. It’s Like Castle.

Colby: 12:16

Yes, yes, sorry, okay, so I think look the obvious first question is if you can tell one or more of you can tell me and our listeners about Livermento and the services that the. Well, a little bit about the history of Livermento and the services that it provides today, because it is a very interesting history.

Carla: 12:44

Yes, yes, it is yes yes, so maybe I can start and I think, if you can complete what I’m going to say. So our story starts with Napoleonic invasions and the girls who were born from soldiers’ relationship with girls were put out of their homes because of that type of relations, and that means some good people from Porto City decided to protect those child and ladies. So we are talking about more than 200 years back and since then Livramento take care of young girls, protecting them from the risk situations, different kind of risk situations. So some years later, in the 70s, men start to work in Livramento, like Almeida y Sousa, and we can say that in that period of time started a big change in our history because the house became open to outsiders. It was not so closed like before the orphanage Orphanage, I think so, and he had this vision already about education and about the graduation of children and so on, and he invited a group of nuns, also with a strong charisma of education, to run the house for 40 years, during 40 years. So, and in that period of time you can say the pillars of what Livramento is today were started, the foundations of Livramento concerning the focus on education, the focus on knowing the world, the focus on having good results for the girls and so on. So this is till the dance.

Carla: 14:55

What happened? They already divided the house in small units in order not to have a huge group of roles to manage. Each of them was responsible for a small unit, just the same way, we have technicians and reference educators to run. So the NNNs stopped their work in 2014 because of the age, because of the challenge of the girls that we were accepting at home, so it was a very challenging management for them. And then it’s the first time since 2014 that the house became to be managed and run for someone who is not nun, not religious, but with the worry of having some scientific evidence to having another kind of knowledge. And that was the starting point for our qualification.

Carla: 16:14

And we can say that some years later, 2016, and now I give the word to Maria, because we always as a team, is a characteristic of this team we wanted to challenge us, to do it more and better, to get better results concerning mental health, concerning education, concerning and so on, and we were not satisfied with what was happening. We wanted more with what was happening. We wanted more, and it happens in this Concerning, this idea of knowing more and knowing better. Maria met Patrick, and now I give the word to Maria.

Maria: 17:05

So from then she can give us a little bit of Liberamento’s story. I’m just going to add on to your sharing, yvonne, two details that I think are very relevant in the storytelling of Liberamento, one of them being that when I when I don’t know if this happened to all of us, but when I was going for my interview, for my job interview in Liberamento and I was younger, I went to the interview and Ingeniero Almeida de Souza, who was the president Yvonne was referencing he did the interview and when we, when he was talking with me and he was a historian lover and a very enthusiastic person about life in general he put in my lap a book full of signatures of relevant people that had visited throughout 200 years of time, and the first page was signed by the last king of Portugal, dom Manuel II, and I was. I was even like trying to clean my hands in my hand, like I really have a relic in my hand, and I realized that the signature of the last king of Portugal was done in a day where Livramento existed for already a hundred years. So imagine that when the last King of Portugal was in our organization, the organization was already 200 years old, 100 years old, and another relevant detail I think about our history is that when this man, who was very transformative, as Yvon was saying, entered the Livramento and got this mission, portugal was living a dictatorship that only failed in 1974.

Maria: 19:04

And so it’s interesting that this visionary man who had traveled the world, who had like two courses university studies, with a strong vision about the protectiveness of education, opened up an organization who was very closed, also in a very closed environment, societal environment, and in that context that was also very innovative.

Maria: 19:36

And then he grabbed the most avant-garde religion or congregation that he found, a group of nuns that were spread throughout the world and whose main vocation was also education, and they didn’t even ever work in an organization like ours. They worked majorly in schools. And so I think this set the ground for a kind of culture that still remains, which is a culture of seeking transformation instead of preventing that transformation to happen. And so he, as Yvonne said, put girls studying outside instead of inside. He incentivized girls to go to superior studies, breaking through family cycles of low investment in education. Of those first girls that went to the university still today are very moving because he was really operating also in a ground of a strong attachment and and relationship that was built with these girls, with the staff that he brought and with himself. He even traveled to the islands of portugal to visit one of the girls that was on her first job back then.

Carla: 21:09

That goes now with grandma. Yeah.

Maria: 21:12

And so, yeah, so the nuns were innovative. Then we got in Livramento, we realized a lot of good practice was being held, although not very clear the therapeutic intention behind it. So we maintained a lot of good practice that was happening there, and then the residential care setting in Portugal started to change as it changed everywhere in the world. So the challenges got bigger. The nuns were getting older also, and that’s just the reality of it, and so we were also concerned of how this transformational process was going to happen, were also concerned of how this transformational process was going to happen and public policies were also being set. You know, like, in general as I believe it must have happened in every country, there were a lot of residential care units there still are in Portugal and so there was a need to transform these organizations, because the consciousness of working with children and young people in Portugal was also very, it was also transforming very much, and so. But we also realized that in the general picture, organizations were struggling to implement these policies because they came with good practices, but they also came with structural changes that were kind of imposed, created impacts that some organization didn’t anticipate and some organizations I’m not telling that this was all negative and not all of our organizations closed, but we observed that some organizations disintegrated and children had to be distributed by other organizations, et cetera, and so we were very interested about these good practices and good policies, but a bit apprehensive on what impacts they could generate. So I think this was the first step of absorbing processes that were being set publicly to the organizations organizations and after this, we started implementing these policies without embracing, like formally this, public policies.

Maria: 23:53

And then afterward we did, but we were already prepared. We set the grounds for it to be implemented in a protective way, and then in 2014, this training that was happening in Alentejo happened, and Patrick Tomlinson was the lead person that was invited to to train the people that were, and so I went there. I was the only person from the north mainly there were people from Alentejo and I think this was a very important few days because I understood that people were building models and people were building therapeutic models, and what I found most exciting was that Patrick was building models grounded in the culture and the context of the organizations, and I was thrilled. I talked to my colleagues. I said we have to work, or try to work, with this person.

Maria: 25:07

I was in contact with Patrick. He still has that group in LinkedIn, which is an interesting place to share thoughts and relevant information. And then, a few years later like to 2019, we had the opportunity to make to cap funds to work with Patrick, and this was European funding with a specific purpose of enhancing the quality of organizations through consulting and mentoring of professionals. And so we applied for that funding and we started to work with Patrick, developing our model firstly, then implementing our model afterwards, and we kept managing to still work with patrick and he still is our main supervisor and consultant in the liverment and I think that was really profoundly changing for the organization and life changingchanging for me specifically personally.

Carla: 26:25

Thank you and, if I, may say just something and I will ask my other colleagues to help me. Some years back we spoke about the focus on education and mental health of the girls. So some years back we also made one application with the focus on education in order to support children to have scholarships and to become differentiated on their on their academic projects, academic way. So and we made that application and we still today benefit of scholarship till the regular, how you say, Maria, the 12 years of school.

Carla: 27:21

Yes, what is obliged. So, and that is a strong basis for their resilience and as a protective factor, because they can skill themselves, they can start to have another view of the future. Something else concerning emotions and these needs to respond to the specific needs of these children with very adverse experiences in all ways. So then became this application. Maria spoke and we still today are working on that, and we still today are working on that. Each of us have the responsibility of lead different areas. Like Liliana said, she’s with the eldest girls of the house, working on autonomous skills and promoting autonomy of the girls, and she has. I’ll invite you, maybe, so you better explain, because we are divided in different projects. We run different projects concerning the model and, after building the model, we work on instruments, on the work, on a methodology. Inside we reorganized ourselves. We review policies as well.

Ivone: 28:53

So, and maybe I let you, marie and Carla and Bruno, also speak a little bit about these different projects you lead Well, I will add something that that is not so much the history of Livramento, it’s more about sorry, it’s more about what we are doing now but just had an appointment, because what you share about the scholarship is a big part of our history and is very important. A little appointment is that our house is implemented in society, in the community, is a community with very risk factors, so the public school has very high risk factors. That was what invited us and moved us to search for other answers, other schools, and these are private schools. So our girls, most of our girls, and if it makes sense for them, for our necessities, they are in private schools because of that scholarship that is financed by a Spanish organization.

Liliana: 30:04

Spanish organization.

Maria: 30:06

It’s sponsored by Naturgi, which is an energy company a Spanish energy company.

Ivone: 30:23

Well, our history is made about many applications trying to have funds to promote to achieve our goals and our vision that we want to yes, that’s because the vision to become innovative, to never stop, always unsatisfied.

Carla: 30:39

So this is our charisma.

Maria: 30:41

Let’s say so since the beginning so of I was going to help explain what you just asked, yvonne. So we, for a whole year, the team worked together with Patrick on building the model, designing it and writing it down, and that was a very strong reflective process. We had meetings every week, we had material to read, we would write a section of the model regarding a certain issue. We would discuss it together, we would rearrange it and make changes, changes so we would get to a consensus within the team and that section will be closed and it would be also translated to English, obviously. So Patrick would also contribute, and so we did this process throughout the year and we ended up with in, by the end of the year, a document of 200 more or less pages, written in Portuguese and English.

Maria: 31:58

And that was what we designed. That’s what Livramento does, how it does it, for whom it works, and things to implement, things to change, things to work on in the future. And then came the implementation part. So in this implementation part, who, which was like two years, three years more during the implementation we divided ourselves in four different fronts and each of us would lead one of these projects. Bruna was not in the team yet, but now she also leads one branch of the implementation.

Maria: 32:52

And so the four branches were Sorry. She’s recovering the implementation, and so the four branches were Sorry.

Carla: 32:56

She’s recovering the time. You just can go a little bit back, maria, and speak about the participation process of children and staff, on the diagnosis phase of the model and on the construction of the model.

Maria: 33:12

Mm-hmm. So this process was also a result of an application that the, and the purpose of this application was not only to design the model although this was the main reason why we applied and we also designed a system of an evaluation impact system. We also designed a value model, a growth and development program for Livramento and a marketing and communication program. So it was a quite overwhelming year. But, that being said, we had different consultants concerning different areas of the whole application and this also has a stream of meetings and checkpoints what is being done. And those meetings and checkpoints also had the representation of different layers of the organization. You know, the children were there, educators were there, the board was there and this was very relevant because, um, it gave a sense of commitment of every, everyone, uh with uh, of everyone within the project, and all the consultants of this application were present, and that’s the stakeholders that Yvonne is referring. So it was a participated process and children participated also in important and relevant parts of building the model and they would have the opportunity to interact. Patrick would visit Livramento, I think, four or five times that year. He would participate in processes of the house, he would have contact with the children. So I think a lot of things were very positive during that process. Then COVID happens.

Maria: 35:18

We were in the first year of implementing the model and so it was a bit impacted, as you imagine, and so, but we didn’t stop the process of implementing it, of implementing it.

Maria: 35:33

So I was leading the building, designing and implementing the training program.

Maria: 35:40

My colleague Carla is, I was and I am leading because it didn’t end, and Carla is leading the process of the policies and procedures, revision and adaptation, so everything is coherent and congruent with the model.

Maria: 36:01

It’s a huge project with a lot of hard work that has been done. Liliana was responsible for developing the assessments for the children and young people, and this is an assessment that ends up in an intervention plan, individual and family plan. And from the training and the intention of supporting the development of all professionals in all layers of the organization, we felt in the end of three years of supporting people, that we might benefit on developing a specific instrument and process to support specific needs throughout. Also an assessment of professionals, because the training is a more collective approach and we felt that, as, as we do with the girls, we might support the development of adults in a similar language, and this process was started by me because I was responsible by the training, but now Bruna has been leading that process also and adapting instruments, and we are still testing out how this is helpful to us and to all the team.

Carla: 37:33

And we keep the same methodology of the beginning of building the model, Like they are responsible for a project, but then the project comes to the team. The team discussed, proposed some corrections and then come again till we have a consensus. But something it was also very interesting we work on it was the impact evaluation, and that is done over the years. So that is also something innovative in organizations social organizations to evaluate the impact of our intervention, and we do it with different targets Children, staff, professionals, families is a higher challenge to get information from families and with stakeholders also. So every year since 2020, we do it. So every year since 2020, we do it.

Carla: 38:38

And now we are just reviewing our theory of change because we understand lots of things changed in the last five years the rules, the laws, the profile of the girls.

Carla: 38:51

I don’t know if profile is the right word, but the characteristics of the young girls come into organizations is different comparing with 10 years back or with five years back, because they are more disruptive, they have more severe mental health problems and that means that challenge organizations and the way we are going to work. So something funny when Maria said we still are in the process, it means this is a never-ending process and this is a challenge. This is good but is also a struggle point somehow, because we never hand and we do it on our daily routine of work. So so, just coming to some challenges, the other one is the human resources to have someone with the entire time dedicated to this process of creation. But maybe Liliane could explain the process with the autonomous group, because it’s something very different and we have these apartments and so on, and you could explain a little bit better. You are the best one to explain it.

Liliana: 40:11

I was thinking about what you are saying, ivanonne, right now and I think it is exactly as you said. It’s like a ongoing process, as patrick said, that a lot of time. It is really a ongoing process and I think we all feel that in all the different projects or perspectives that we have here, working in our more, that we are more responsible for the project, but we are very connected and of course, we have to be that way and um about exactly my, my, the old girls, the older girls. So the difference between my groups are related to the groups of Carla, maria and Bruna is that I have girls from 16 years old to up and then they transition. They are in their groups. When they are admitted in our house they go for the Maria or Carla or Bruna groups and then they are evaluated, their life projects are being analyzed and worked out related to them and their families and the girls, and it is a process and, of course, in the basis we have this tool that we use, the basis we have is this tool that we use, for instance, the assessment, the development assessment, that it is a really help for us to be more connected to the needs of that girl, the needs and for her development and sometimes it makes sense for this specific girl in a period of the year to transition, to have this transition.

Liliana: 42:03

For my group, the pre-autonomous group, is a little different because it is more intentionally directed for their working, for their training, their skills on daily routines by themselves. They have all of us groups have a technician reference, that is, me or Maria, carla or Bruna, and a reference educator and a support educator. It is like a micro team concerning to each group, and the pre-autonomous is not an exception on that. So I have my reference educator, my support educator that are there present for the girls to work out with the girls of what they need in a daily basis, but not on a daily basis also of what they need in a daily basis, but not on a daily basis also. And then it is like if you work like a small house in a big house the government is really, really big and and it is like a small house they have.

Liliana: 43:08

They do their, their, their meals every day. They have like a leader, monthly leader, young girl Manager, manager, leader yes, that is responsible for everything that happens on that group, not only related to the. They go on supermarket, they do the menu, they do the supermarket list, they go the supermarket list, they go there by by autonomous, they go on group, they discuss on assemblies that they have weekly um the problems of the group. Of course, educator is always there to mediate something. Sometimes I’m there also and but it is more a training, more intentionally for their social skills. I can say that like soft skills and social skills to um to help them to be more, to facilitate their integration or adaptation in society.

Liliana: 44:08

So they have different roles there that sometimes they are not very they they are very oh this is so responsibility, a lot of things to do, we have to think in so many things and of course this is a ongoing exercise for their lives and it’s very, it’s very important and they know that.

Liliana: 44:29

They feel that of course it’s more demanding. But their age are different also, they are in a different phase of their life. They are in secondary, like high school, or in the university also, and so and after that, after a period of time there in Pre-Autonomous, we are ongoing process on evaluation, on participation of the girl in meetings to see if their needs on priority areas are more answerless and the needs are different. And then, if we are in a good planning system and achieved some aims that we feel the needs that that young girl should aim for their life. They transition for the, the apartment, and now we have two apartments, uh, really close to livermento, like not in a mile, I think, it’s not even a mile, it’s really close, uh, but it’s outside and the, the opportunity of that being outside, is very, very important for them, very important. Of course I’m I, me and my reference educator and my support educator are still like on behind and always present but not in presence. I don’t know if I was clear enough we are not in presence every day in.

Liliana: 45:55

Exactly, yeah, we are still working with them.

Liliana: 45:59

Um, we have, of course, we have related to the policies and the procedure that carla is responsible for.

Liliana: 46:06

We have we created a lot of a lot, some news procedures that will fill the needs that are important and one example of that is like the transition plan system for autonomy.

Liliana: 46:21

We feel the needs of have documents that have this agree, like agree between the criteria or the conditions to the young girl B on the pre-autonomous group or to the young girl B on the apartments, and which are the functional areas that we feel that are really important, that we understand and conclude that are really important for them to develop.

Liliana: 46:50

And some of these functional areas, it is possible and understanding to work it out with the girls individually and some of them are working out on group assemblies and so on, and some of that also functional areas like in alarm, red lights are really important to work it out on workshops and there are themes like our transversal for each one of them and it’s some some of that opportunities. Other girls from other groups that are like 15, 16 in the we all talk and discuss related to that and we feel the need for them also to be and integrate on these workshops, like in a prepare, a preparation of transition, also for the pre-autonomous group. Like two weeks ago we have like um two or three, so in the last month we’ll work it out like two workshops related to the politicians literacy, because we have elections really like two weeks from now and if we feel the need for the tried to be the most, I don’t know how to say it neutral.

Maria: 48:28

So they could ask questions know, where to check out the programs discuss their ideas and the financial literacy also.Liliana: 

48:41

that is a really important area also and they have like a workshop, like a month ago also. But we do that. This is related also with that. This is related also with some project that Carla had like he’s like the responsible for the training for the young people also.

Ivone: 49:01

yes, so I can go on for two hours, but now I will. Let Liliana, I would like to say one thing that is something that is particular for our house, that is, the experience of having a pre-autonomous group is something different and it gives us know-how. That is a good practice. Not having groups with very protected. They are small groups. The adult is always there then most of the times. In other organizations there are the apartments, autonomous apartments.

Ivone: 49:47

Then we have here a level in the middle that is the pre-autonomous and what we evaluate is a good practice because it is an autonomy, but inside the house, you know, and it’s like levels that they are going to go through, and I think it is something that differentiates us from other organizations this pre-autonomous group before the autonomous level and we also Right Because the girls see the pre-autonomous group as an inspiration, a dream.

Maria: 50:26

They are an example. It’s like having older sisters and brothers, you know, that are in a different level where I want to get you know. They really are examples for the other girls.

Carla: 50:42

And now we aim for a long time back to have apartments in the community and we just got it about one year and a half. And now another level is to go to outside home. So with less support, because they are more regulated and they have more self-regulation and self control on that, they are more skilled, that the transition will be smoother. But Liliana, you just didn’t hear that about the Adult Transition Plan were built. The girls participated on it. They also gave their. It was a co-participated process. Because they read it. They said here we did, we like to be like this, we can head this. This is not so important, so can you just explain that process of participation.

Liliana: 51:44

Yes, I think it is like a practice that we all in our house do in all methods and related to the pre-autonomous, of course, because, even because, even because of that, because there are old girls, so they have more critical, they are more connected, and we involve them, of course, in all the practice and all the things that we think that matter for their lives, cuts for their lives and the transitional plan for autonomous, but also the, all the documents, the, the, the rules not the rules like the internal regulations of the department, also before that, the role, the internal regulations of pre-autonomous also, and so they are always.

Liliana: 52:36

We always want them to participate, because only on that way it makes sense, and we do like meetings with them after dinner, in assemblies also, and so we discuss, we distribute the document, we take the document and so we ask them to read, to give them time to think about that, sometimes some days, and after that we go again and we want to, we want their feedback about what they think, the conditions, what could be different, what they feel the need that is not there, what they would do different and why, and some of their ideas make a lot of sense, and so we integrate that and we adapt that, and this is like a reflect of the participation that we want for the girls to have and, of course, if we do that also, we are also contributing for them to be part of something and for them to be like active in our society also. So they are always training their role on society. So I think it is very relevant and for all of us, it is the only way that makes sense.

Colby: 53:53

And to begin at 16, when do they graduate from the program, so to speak? About what age would they transition out of your program From?

Liliana: 54:04

the abutment.

Colby: 54:07

Out of the apartment or out into their own homes.

Liliana: 54:15

I think I tried to answer. If I didn’t understand very well, can you correct me please? Okay, so I think that is related to our law system, also the Portuguese law system. Our laws say that until for the age of 25, the girls or the boys can be on the social system right, our social system care, yes, but they have to be studying, like it is a condition.

Liliana: 54:43

the condition is that they have to be studying.

Liliana: 54:46

But I have my, all of my girls are studying.

Liliana: 54:49

So here in Portugal, if you want to go to the universities, like three years and more, two years for the master’s degree, and so easily they catch the 24, 25 years old.

Liliana: 55:03

So our work is to support them on that process. Of course, some of that girls begin to work sorry to study and then work on part-time, and so they are supportive on that also because we think that it’s good for them in all matters to have this balanced system and it’s good for their responsibility, it’s good for their budget management, it’s good for their responsibility, it’s good for their budget management, it’s good for their training, also for the financial, and it is like a step-by-step situation that we are giving support to them and working out on individual meetings, group meetings and so on, and we have this experience that they catch this opportunity, because a lot of these girls that I have right now, at this moment in the pre-autonomous, in the apartments, are girls that were financed by naturgy. You know this program that we are talking about like social, the scholarships that we talked like about 20 minutes ago or half an hour ago.

Colby: 56:17

I’m going to try and summarise all this and ask some other questions.

Ivone: 56:20

I’ll be doing well.

Liliana: 56:26

Yes, a lot of these girls were being supported. But a lot of these girls were being supported like in the whole school system, the Portuguese school system, like 12 years old, and after that, university for the ones that want to, and we motivate them a lot to be on the university and it’s like a nice group impression also because they see the other girls on the university, they want to go to the university. They have like this protective participation on school until the end of the high school and so I think it is really the impact of this programme, of Natalgy programme is outstanding.

Liliana: 57:14

It’s like life-changing.

Maria: 57:17

I would like to add to the answer one thing that these are the girls that continue in Livramento. And Portuguese government gives a huge help here too, because if you are in a residential care facility and you want to go to the university, public universities tend to have greater and difficult criteria to match, and so for a lot of young people in Portugal they go to private schools whose criteria are a bit achievable more achievable and, in the case of our girls, they apply to a scholarship, a public scholarship, and the majority of them have access to it because they are in residential care.

Maria: 58:16

and also, and answering to your question, some of the girls leave the program earlier if there is potential change in the families or whatever. Was that motivated them to be separated from their families? And me, carla and Bruna have experiences in managing processes where girls integrate, reintegrate their families before getting to Liliana’s group when they came to my group.

Liliana: 58:48

There are only autonomous work it out because there are no prevent. This is not the aim of return to the family. They want to be with Libermento, they want to be studying, they want to be there, and so we give them this opportunity and the courts agree with us saying that, okay, the girl wants to invest on themselves, they want to be on Livramento, they want to study, and we all the community support them on this process. So all the girls that I have are on an autonomy project.

Maria: 59:25

Can I just Same?

Liliana: 59:26

thing of Maria Carla and Bruna.

\Ivone: 59:29

I was just saying one thing, More than the age, of course the age is a criteria, but also in transition from different groups or transition to home, to society, is the evaluation of the competence. So age is important, the change, the transition from our three groups to Liliana’s group, the pre-autonomous of course, age is important 17, 18, but the competence is the most important and the regular emotional regulation Carla also and the regular emotional regulation Carla also competence social, emotional and so on, and functional, all the competence.

Liliana: 1:00:18

This is the criteria the competence.

Ivone: 1:00:20

We work and we intervene in the basis of the competence this was a topic you just point out, liliana, about Armory.

Carla: 1:00:31

I don’t know about families. Our whole intervention with families and of course, since the first moment they came into Livramento, family is an important target, considering we see family as a potential partner, but never forgetting the vulnerability of the families and never forget that if families were okay, girls were not here. So we work in this basis of trying to empower families, to integrate families in the work we do. It is a very difficult process sometimes, but because of that we made another application. So we are leaving application through application and another application to have some funds to do the work we want to do, because it is expensive. This is another challenge the sustainability of this process. So, bruna, lead this. Maybe you can develop a little bit this project. We had to work with families in a different model of those projects happening in Portugal, because we have another idea about how can work better this work with families towards the unification, towards going back in a good and safe conditions to family. Bruna, maybe can help.

Bruna: 1:02:05

Yes, in the first. Firstly, it was that the first objective about our work. But when we started working with the families, we changed a little bit and we would like to promote health relationships with them. So our model was a little bit different. Because we were, we came to the houses and worked there with the family In the context of feminism.

Bruna: 1:02:46

So we, and it was a little bit different because the family wouldn’t be arriving to the cabinet or a meeting in the house, in the living room. No, we would come to the houses and work with them, with the family.

Carla: 1:03:08

And with different people of family, as well the significant ones. Yes, we work with all of the system, so it was a logic of a systemic and family approach. In a systemic way empower families in their context and fill their routines.

Carla: 1:03:29

They are part of the solution, not part of the problem. So that is a different vision and we believe also, Bruna and Adriana, it was someone else who is a family therapist also. The purpose was this to make family to be the authors of their change, the responsible for their change, and in order to believe they are skilled and they can do it.

Bruna: 1:03:57

Of course, not all stories are of success, but the main purpose is to promote their skills and relationships. So that was accomplished.

Carla: 1:04:10

Something is very challenging for all of us is that the kids are removed from the home, their home, their natural places, and they were the victims, and then somehow there is an expectation of they go back to family, like if for magic, everything is okay after working with the kids in, uh out of their natural context. So the natural context must be interviewed and must be skilled.

Maria: 1:04:40

For since first moment maria go ahead, I was um, just going to add because it might sound a bit confusing, when bruna was doing this project, she was not a reference technician in the house.

Maria: 1:04:53

Yes, so she was not part of the team, she was an external, she had been working with us, but then she left and she started this project with adriana, which is a who is a family therapist with a specific methodology of intervening with family, guided by this university in Coimbra, with reference university, in systemic intervention with families, with their supervision and consulting. And she was not a part of the technical team. Otherwise it would be kind of a conflict of yes, yes, and then, after this project finished, then bruno was started to working with us and we also aim to make a second application to continue this project.

Carla: 1:05:49

It was a pilot one. It was also written like the structure of the program, the model we are implementing, and now maybe next year we plan to have another application to keep going on on this work, with some revision of the model we’re implementing about family. But also this intervention about family is part of our model, just like work with the carers of Livramento and with the eldest girls and so on, schools as well.

Colby: 1:06:28

Sorry, the schools. Do you interact with the schools that the girls go to?

Carla: 1:06:35

yeah, maybe you can explain better. It’s a very close relation, must be a very close relation with schools to prevent lots of things and promote lots of things.

Colby: 1:06:45

But maybe they can explain better than me because they are the ones who are working on it.

Ivone: 1:07:02

We contact not just with the director, the principal teacher, the reference teacher. But we also promote meetings with psychologists and the teachers, or pedopsychiatrists and the teachers’ network.

Maria: 1:07:22

We work with them, network, special network of the yes, and also there are elements very important. The staff from the school that are not teachers, the staff from the school that are not teachers that see?

Ivone: 1:07:44

they, yes, and they are important to know if they are well to give them information about the girls, they pay attention when they are playing or they share important information with elements from the school.

Carla: 1:08:04

They are strategic people on the field.

Bruna: 1:08:08

Yes on the field.

Ivone: 1:08:09

Yes, they are very possible to us, and then we make an intervention together.

Colby: 1:08:19

It sounds holistic, isn’t it?

Ivone: 1:08:22

Yes, that’s it.

Colby: 1:08:24

Yes, yes Must be. It sounds so wonderful what you’re doing. The jurisdiction in which I live and work residential care is very different to the way you describe it. There are a number of questions that I’ve had in my mind as each of you have been talking. I think it sounds like to me it would be fair to say that there’s been three significant transformations at Liveramento, particularly within, say, the last 50 years. So from the orphanage and the question I had was who was staffing the orphanage before the nuns were brought in, before?

Carla: 1:09:09

the nuns were brought in. Poor ladies Two very severe ladies Okay, managed about. I think we reached 136 girls in the beginning and then 18, 19, two severe ladies. When Engineer Almeida Sousa was invited in the 70s, he said he made a revolution. Yeah, so there was this he was making a revolution, and he started a revolution then, and then it was. In that period of time came the nuns, the nuns and did those.

Colby: 1:09:44

So a couple of things that are probably relevant to some of the previous conversations that we’ve had on our podcast, including about the transformation in the Cotswold community from a reformatory they call it a bore store, I think in the UK, but it’s young offenders, young male offenders to a therapeutic community around the same time. I would say but the person that you are referencing comes in. What do those two women do?

Carla: 1:10:17

They just take care of basic needs. The old girls were just very equal with themselves. They were not individual needs who responded, just they feed, they work on domestic tasks. They didn’t go to school. School it was inside, only the basic knowledge that only after 18 years old they was going out, but before that they were just closed like a kind of a prison we can say. So it was a very severe thing. Yeah, um, and that was like that not only in the middle, but it was a cultural thing in society in institutions across the portugals told that the children, the young girls between 14 and 18 wouldn’t leave.

Maria: 1:11:22

So they would stop leaving the house and the facilities when they got to the teenage years, or more or less 13, 14 years, and they did have kind of workshops where they would learn useful things like sewing et cetera. And then I think the thing that happened the most, as Ingeniero Almeida also told us, was that they would leave these facilities to go to families and like high society families and work like cleaning and cooking, etc. Um, and they would not leave before the age of 18. And he would tell other things that were not very pleasing to hear, like having windows painted, not to to, to look outside to the street, etc.

Carla: 1:12:17

So it was very much a closed institution and yeah institutionalized, but uh, basically yeah, and he comes 50 years back. We’ve made a big change.

Colby: 1:12:30

Yeah, and so he comes in. Did those ladies leave Livramento at that point in time? And the nuns came.

Colby: 1:12:41

Yeah, and the nuns came in, and he drew the nuns from outside of Portugal as well as within Portugal, is that right? Yeah, yeah, and so the whole culture, I guess, of the facility would have changed from one of basic subsistence and subservience to one of you described a focus on education and developing the individual and their capacity to lead a normal life, I guess an ordinary life, in the community at some point, and so that was quite revolutionary, as you described for such facilities as Liveramento was at that point in time. And then so they were there you said the nuns for about 40 years, so they must have overlapped with you, maria, and you and Von you were there when they were there, and you as well, carla, yeah, and me too also.

Liliana: 1:13:53

But you was just I was with them like one year and it was very interesting because my my admission was really but good, one can contextualize better my admission was concerning their um mission was concerning their um replacement living. Yeah, when I want to play about that, it’s like I’m I’m the one that was like the yes you are right.

Carla: 1:14:19

You are right, lilliana, and they still have the nans, because they are our friends. The, they still have here a home whenever they come to porto to go for a consultation and so on. They can sleep here and they come to visit us, they sleep here, they are invited so they still are part.

Colby: 1:14:36

Yes, yeah, wow, um, there’s so many questions I can, uh, could, ask you, but but, um, I’ll just go on with my little um. First little bit about the transformation. So, when that first major transformation, it was very much an opening up and a focus on education and developing the girls for life. And then you mentioned the nuns left and you had professional carers, I guess come in to the role. So that was, I think, and expectations that were imposed by the authorities in Portugal about what these therapeutic, what these residential care homes would look like and what would be the practices there.

Colby: 1:15:49

The education element continued to be very strong, the education element continued to be very strong, the education focus continued to be very strong, and then maybe even another time of transformation or whether it’s, you know, in actual fact, I’m starting to think that it’s just growth, it’s incremental growth and development of Livermento, where, from that time in the 70s where the new director came in and the nuns, and then what was set out by the authorities, I guess in the mid 2010s to then developing therapeutic model and, alongside that, what we would call a transition from care program. But the older girls, liliana, that you talked about, talked about and also the project to look at family connection and family reunification. So it’s really been, as far as I’m imagining it to be, a continuous growth and development over these past 50-odd years for Liveramento.

Maria: 1:17:17

And.

Colby: 1:17:18

I just think it’s remarkable, really, what you describe, what is happening and in amongst so many questions I could ask you, and in a month, so many questions I could ask you. I guess I was struck by how much of a family environment it must feel, which would be in many jurisdictions and many contexts, to describe a residential care facility as a family environment. People would think that that was not true, not accurate, yeah, but but you talk with I’m imagining in my mind girls from six and older growing up. They can see older girls who are going to going to private schools, um, graduating to, to the, uh, the older girls program, university, and that’s what happens in a regular family, isn’t it? You observe your older siblings as they progress and it sets aspirations, you know, aspirations beyond survival to aspirations of flourishing and thriving. How many girls kind of start 6, 7, 8, 9 and go right through and into the older girls’ program, to the apartment and beyond? Have you had, how many girls have you had that have been able to make that full progression?

Carla: 1:18:53

so in the last 15 years, there are a big change about the social protection system, because when I started and marie and carla, almost 80 percent of girls were less than 12 or 15, less less than 15. So and now we have only one girl with 10 years old and the average age is about 16 years old. The average age is different. More than 30% are 18 or plus. So, however, that was the question.

Ivone: 1:19:31

It was? Was it the girls that enter here with six years and go through and yeah, and?

Carla: 1:19:36

for one hand, we see, so we have some critical positions because we really do believe. I really do believe that residential care homes may be the best opportunity to life change of some girls in some situation and sometimes, when they come with 16 and 17, we don’t have much time to work on them because it’s different the time we have to transform For other hands. We also yes, hands. Because of this, we also. We also yes.

Ivone: 1:20:11

It’s first because of the attachment because they can live at 18.

Bruna: 1:20:17

If they can live, they can decide if they want, if they want.

Ivone: 1:20:22

They can live at 18. If they came here at 17, we have few time to have a secure attachment with them, so they yes, sometimes we didn’t have time to to to work on that less time with more problems.

Carla: 1:20:38

For another hand, we also have this experience of admissions of girls with 17 18.

Carla: 1:20:46

They ask to come to residential care home because they have this consciousness of how important it is to be protective and the difficulties families sometimes have concerning relation and interactions with families. So, however, I must say that, more than before, we have academic success, because we are between 99% and 100% of success in academic progress. Although all these challenges we have, the biggest challenge is whenever they come with 16-year-olds. They already were absent at school, they had problems at school and so on, were absent at school, had problems at school, and so on. So a protective factor, like we said, is not going to the same kind of schools from those they came, but to a different kind of schools. But that means a different kind of friends, of relationships, a different kind of vision about the future, of another significant ones around the social context they start to live, and that is empowerment also because they see how this is different, I can do like the other girls, I can do like this and then they become ambitious. So I don’t know if you answer your question, colby now we have just one.

Ivone: 1:22:09

Now we have just one girl, I, I think that came here at 5.6 and is in university. We have five. We have five girls.

Colby: 1:22:22

Five currently at university.

Maria: 1:22:24

I was doing the exercise and I can remember at least five girls that started really little in Livramento and that are between the 20 and 25, yeah, years old, yeah, and that’s over.

Colby: 1:22:40

Well, that would be over the last 20 years, within the last 20 years, I guess yeah yeah, yeah, and so I guess what I’m also understanding is that there has been a change that is probably roughly 10 years or so ago, where the complexity and the age of the girls went up when they came in. Am I right in thinking that? Yeah, so that interests me a great deal from the point of view of what you’re doing, bruna. So are we saying that these are girls who are 15, 16, 17,?

Bruna: 1:23:25

that you’re looking at family reintegration with, or are they younger girls On that program.

Colby: 1:23:31

It was that ages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they, yeah. And were they coming? Where are these girls coming from that are coming at 15, 16, 17? Are they coming from foster care? Are they coming from their birth family? Where are they coming from?

Carla: 1:23:48

Well, in Portugal we are just as you know. We have the opposite rates concerning the rest of Europe and the world. So 80% of Portuguese girls with these factors live in residential care homes. Only now we are trying to change this percentage, this weight concerning foster families. So we are still very, very we have very few foster families, maybe 2% of the young people in the system, so mostly they are. They come from families directly to residential care home, also because of their age, because it’s easier to go to a foster care family when they are younger, not with 16 or 17. That pushes to think about the prevention intervention, preventive intervention in the prevention intervention, preventive intervention in the field. How it happens, because I believe, if the girls can, with 16 or 17, the risk factors were there since long time back and never changed, so that is another situation that’s it to to get.

Colby: 1:25:15

If those girls are primarily coming from their birth family and the birth family are um, um, I struggle with their parents are struggling greatly to provide the level of care, uh and that that they need, it’s remarkable to see a transformation whereby they can either, or both, successfully reintegrate into a family environment that is much safer and much more able to respond to their needs. It’s also remarkable to think that those young people have an opportunity to complete their education and go on to higher education as well. I mean, we know that education really is the key to rising out of poverty and for our children and young people in out-of-home care, for them to change the trajectory of their life, and in doing so, of course, we’re changing lives of their children and grandchildren and so on. So there’s tremendous human capital built through services like yours, where you are changing the trajectory of the lives of young women. When your former director, when he arrived in the early 1970s, how many girls were in the orphanage at that time?

Carla: 1:26:59

I remember when he came, yeah, oh, more than 80. I believe 86, 87. And then when I start, I remember 76, 77, when I start, then, when I became director, it was an objective to have less girls here, objective to have less girls here, and then we reach the number of 45, our protocol. But these 45 are divided in units of 9.

Colby: 1:27:39

I’m just wondering how that was achieved to reduce the numbers of girls at Livramento.

Carla: 1:27:51

How we did it. Yes, we proposed to social services to reduce the number because at the same time we became working more in individual process of the girl, with more trying to promote the development, to organize everything of each goal. They have a different level of intervention. The nuns intervention it was very good but it was a very family in a very family way also, very family in a very family way also. So we felt it was not standable. We could not stand to work with so many girls and to go deeply in the work on them. Even today we feel they are too much.

Carla: 1:28:38

So maybe the girls are too much, or maybe we are too few, the human Christophs. So we then made a proposal, and that it was accepted to videos.

Colby: 1:28:50

Okay, it’s been quite the process of developing and rolling out the therapeutic model with Patrick’s assistance. I’m just curious as to how it’s been received by the carers on the ground, the carers that look after the young people. How have they received it? Have there been any challenges in being able to implement with them?

Maria: 1:29:24

implement with them. Well, we decided that the best way to start implementing the model was to use the training as a source of gradually promoting the appropriation of people and being such a challenging work and emotionally challenging work for them who are in the front line of everyday management with the work, to absorb whatever tools or reflections or knowledge towards the work. It’s interesting that we were just focusing on the changes, because I think one of the challenges of implementing the model was also the clash between recent entries, professional entries in Livramento, and the professionals that were already working in Livramento for several years. And we do still have a few educators that worked there for several years, even though the majority are more recent recruitments.

Maria: 1:30:48

And I think the challenge in the beginning was this is not safe, you know, because everything was done in a certain way and now people are expecting us to think about the work, to express ourselves about the work.

Maria: 1:31:07

To express ourselves about the work, to agree on certain basic things and anchor things and to agree on things that have to change. And there are cultural issues that are very positive, of a religious background and a certain way of managing things, but there are also not that positive things associated with that culture and that we have to change, and that we still have to change. We have to be very aware of things that are very rooted in the way of managing things and that are not helpful, and and so that was one of the challenges, the resistance to change, um, but I think that throughout the process of doing the trainings, I think people understood that it was more helpful than damaging to participate, to engage in reading the materials that we distributed. We also do manage the training rotatively. I mean, I’m leading the project, but I’m not the only one that is doing the sessions. Every one of us is doing them, and everybody is doing them and everybody.

Maria: 1:32:28

So everyone is doing it and we do, everyone in the technical team, obviously, and everyone is attending to the sessions.

Maria: 1:32:37

Uh, even the boards of administration has sessions to have a certain level, appropriate level of knowledge of what is being done in livramento and what is working with traumatized people and what helps and what not. Helps the cooks have, the general services have, the educators have sessions, and that is very relevant. Our method is this we share a bit of material, we share a bit of the model, but we can share things that are not part of the model. An article we can build a two or three pages on an issue that is became relevant in a certain point of time, and then we don’t do like a very uh, like class, uh, format. You know, we share the material material ahead and then we discuss uh, what were the thoughts about that, what experiences are we having related to this issue, what did people do, what they think about, what they felt about it. And then, in this way, I think we are not giving all the answers, we are just giving a way of thinking about the work and a way of reflecting about the work and the needs of the girls.

Colby: 1:34:07

We want people to think about what they’re doing and to be supported and encouraged to stop and think about the work, how it’s impacting us, what we’re doing, and one of the other things that’s really came through in these podcasts is the importance of doing that right through the organisation you know and across all the roles in the organisation. You want an organisation that is aligned, that has a common knowledge base, has a common philosophy or approach and there’s an understanding across the organisation of what that looks like.

Carla: 1:34:57

Yeah, something else we felt it was very important and it was a change is about the recruitment process, because the characteristics and profile of staff are very, very important and in Portugal they are not obliged to be graduated the one who take care directly with children. Sometimes they are not so much skilled and our recruitment process we made a system with the help also of Patrick is focused on the character, the sense of mission, the sense of purpose and so on, the values of people and the resilience also, because that’s very important. It’s very easy to become vicarious, trauma or burnout, so it must be emotionally very strong and also with sense of purpose to work in a place like this one, and the recruitment process becomes a very important instrument.

Ivone: 1:36:02

We made about different moments, that we have different moments, methodology that we apply of support the educators, the carers in meetings to the technical and the carer or in a group, and also the training meetings and the training. Can you help me, Maria João?

Maria: 1:36:30

just clarify what I’m saying so um, when we thought about the model and the appropriation of the model. This is the more formal way of appropriating, but what Carla is saying is that we also thought about all the of the group processes inside Livramento, and the group processes go from the start the group process from children until the group process between different layers of the team, and so we are responsible for a set of people each one of us and so we have the responsibility to meet in a trustworthy how do you say it? Frequency, and in those meetings that can be in a one-to-one or one-to-three groups, we discuss what is going on, what people are feeling about what’s going on and what strategies may be put in place to manage what’s going on, what people are feeling about what’s going on and what strategies may be put to place to manage what’s going on. Um, we also have these meetings with yvonne. We have these meetings with the ones that are at our responsibility.

Maria: 1:37:36

The educators have these meetings with the girls, with the group assemblies, and we do have meetings directly with the girls in a holistic way, as we spoke before, but also in a in a more internal way of managing things with, for example, the assessment of their development and and the building of the plan of intervention with the girls, and so all of this is support. All of this is also appropriation of the model and a way to maintain as healthy as possible dynamics inside the liveramento and if this is reliable and systemic, etc.

Maria: 1:38:21

it’s less probable for collusions and subcultures to develop, etc, you know, or it’s difficult for them to happen without visibility. That’s what I mean to say.

Carla: 1:38:36

And we also have supervision, you know, with Patrick and the team and me too, and now the team felt the need of having some more clinical supervision. Let’s say and we add someone to this team and maybe something we didn’t say about all the applicants we tried to have a scientific committee that could go through all the phases of the application of the projects and also reflect with us at the same time. So it was a supportive system all the time in our situations.

Colby: 1:39:17

I mean, I expect nothing less of Patrick, of course, and the contribution that he’s made and the contribution that he’s made. I recall a conversation that I had with Patrick some time ago where I’m just I’m trying to think of the. We were talking about questions that you might ask an organisation or ask a group of practitioners about the work, to kind of draw out what’s really important. And in the context of that conversation I said I’ll. I think there’s only really three questions that you need to ask and answer Maria just said two of them, but in your presentation earlier all three were encapsulated and that is to be able to stop and think what’s really going on here that’s question number one and to have a theoretical framework which helps us answer that question what’s really going on here? What’s going on for our clients, but also what’s going on for ourselves?

Colby: 1:40:29

The next question is what can we do to respond therapeutically to what’s really going on here? And that’s where the model of care comes in. And often the model of care can have both it can have the understanding of what we need to know and how we best understand our service recipients and also what we need to do to respond therapeutically. And then the third question, of course, is how do we know we’re making a difference? And I think you talked about a constant process of evaluating and, of course, if we don’t turn our minds to what success looks like in our endeavours, then all the problems just take up our attention and we struggle to see those things.

Colby: 1:41:24

So I think you know evaluation and constant evaluation, review and improvement is so important and very much based on having in our minds what success, what a good outcome looks like. So I’ve heard all of those things today, so that’s terrific. I know we’re sitting on just a little bit over an hour and a half. I usually give people who come on the podcast the opportunity to ask me a question if they like. I probably would suggest that we don’t have five questions of me, but did you think about a question that you might like to ask me before we go, because I love answering questions without notice?

Maria: 1:42:18

Yeah, we discussed a little bit before the beginning.

Maria: 1:42:23

So recently I mean, I’ve heard about your podcast, uh, because patrick told us about it, and uh, I went and searched and heard I think three episodes and I thought it was. I was really blown away by the work of dr nicola sullivan I think it’s her name and the work that Sally Rhodes did with families, which sounded very innovative and very mind blowing, I thought. And so I was like Colby has access to people that are doing good and innovative things, good and innovative things. And so, since you have that access and you are doing this that you’re doing, we would like to know, from your position and your lenses, looking out not only in Australia but throughout the world, what innovative things have been or have been coming up to you in the field of residential care that you think it’s relevant to share with us and with whoever is listening okay, um, there’s so many things that that I would um say so far, from the various podcasts with people with experience in residential care, the things that really stick out for me, one is preserving family connection, I think.

Colby: 1:43:58

Well, I don’t think. I believe that our attachment style, the way in which we approach life and relationships, is an amalgamation of all of our significant attachment experiences. They’re all of our important relationships, contribute to our overall attachment style. So you have attachment relationships and those relationships can be secure, insecure, disorgan, disorganized, whatever. And then you have attachment style, which is how a person approaches life and relationships in consideration of all of their attachment experiences and how that is reflected in their internal working model or attachment representations model or attachment representations. So it’s very difficult to achieve attachment security in terms of security of attachment style when you leave certain relationships damaged, when you leave certain relationships damaged unrepaired, and that happens too often in our out-of-home care system.

Colby: 1:45:12

So I think, one of the things that has really stood out for me, and even going back to the Cotswold community in the UK where Patrick first started his work, the Cotswold community in the UK where Patrick first started his work what I understand to be the case about other such programs and therapeutic schools the Mulberry Bush School is this acknowledgement of the importance of preserving and repairing and strengthening connection with family and how those places including now in the supported accommodation facilities in the UK that I know of the children go home?

Colby: 1:46:00

They go home for special occasions In the therapeutic schools. They go home in the holidays, special occasions In the therapeutic schools, they go home in the holidays. So these are very, I guess is full of risk, that we can’t get rid of all risk for our young people, that we need to be able to manage risk, but we also need to ensure that our children have good family connection. So, in a nutshell, I think it’s been, with various programs, the totally different approach to preserving birth-family connection. Yeah, and that’s why I was really interested to hear about the work that Bruna had been doing as well and that you’re seeking to do more of had been doing as well, and that you’re seeking to do more of.

Colby: 1:47:28

I think you brought. You mentioned two of our previous guests, maria and Sally. Sally is from my jurisdiction. I provide clinical supervision for her team and they do terrific things in terms of getting children home, getting children, young people home. Nicola is in Ireland and a secondary interest for me beyond residential care is supervision, supervision and support, and what I’ve noticed with most of my guests is this idea of you know everyone in the organisation having supervision.

Colby: 1:48:19

Now, you referred to meetings as well as supervision, but what I mean by that is that everyone has the opportunity to stop and think and reflect and talk about the work and talk about the individuals where that’s appropriate. So I think that’s it shouldn’t be innovative, but it is. Would be my observation. And look, and I don’t have thank you for suggesting it might be the case, maria, but I don’t have necessarily the reach that you were saying in terms of people I know from the jurisdictions in which I have worked is that you know not everyone in the organisation.

Colby: 1:49:12

In fact, very few people in our statutory child protection departments, for example, have even the opportunity to just stop and think about the work that they’re doing, its impact on them, what’s really going on for them and for the children and young people that they’re making decisions about how to respond to their needs therapeutically and how we know that we’re making a positive difference in our lives. I think without supervision, without that setting aside of time to stop and think, the work becomes very, loses its heart and just becomes very procedural. I’ve said that in other podcasts as well when we stop thinking about what we’re doing, we just become very heartless and procedural and that’s awful for our young people. Sorry, maria.

Maria: 1:50:13

No, that was a great answer and I do agree with everything that you said. I think we all do, and I think this is also a challenge, you know, because we have this in this structured way since we designed the model. Obviously, meetings happened before that, but we didn’t think about the flux of meetings in a systemic and systematic way. Flux of meetings in a system, systemic and systematic way, and maintaining it, it’s a very for us at least, it’s a very great challenge because, uh, because of several factors, but one of them being that our context is very unpredictable, although we try to bring the most predictability that we can. And it’s challenging not to reschedule, not to drop the meetings that are planned, etc. But I do think that this is essential to our work to have. They might be small, like short slots of conversations, or longer, it doesn’t matter.

Maria: 1:51:35

I think anxieties go down when people know that they can count on this one meeting that they are going to have in two days and that it’s very probable that it’s not going to blow away and not happen.

Maria: 1:51:52

You know, and when we have adults that are less anxious, we will have children that are probably less anxious also, and so there, I realized that we all reckon that, uh, when we started doing this, you know you can always spot on people that are struggling, and I think the nature of human beings is jump to judgments and think, oh, that person has a problem, she she’s not fitting in, or or she’s always struggling in the same issues, and it’s very easy for us to personalize an issue on someone rather than on the way things are happening on around and in the system.

Maria: 1:52:42

And what was kind of evident to me is that we will always have people that are struggling and whose profiles might be relevant to the good work. But when the system is working, it’s less probable that this is going to have a negative impact in the girls and the young people. And I’m not saying that we don’t sometimes fail, I mean, and that a meeting doesn’t happen. But I am also very aware that when that happens, things start to happen, you know, like anxiety starts to arise and issues that might have been contained in a certain point are are not contained. And so that’s why we all of us value so much this consistency and this stream of places where people can think about what they’re, what is going on, what they’re feeling about the work and the girls, but not only the girls the work in general and feel supported and listened to, and that is one very, very relevant issue of our work.

Colby: 1:54:03

Well, listen, thank you again for um agreeing to take part in the podcast. Hopefully, um, you, we, we kind of uh are able to present all the things that you wanted to present. Um, I think it is such a it’s such a fantastic endeavour that you’re involved in and I’m really pleased to be able to make it public through this podcast. So I just wish you all the best in your continuing endeavours on behalf of the young people, and maybe we might have another chat another time if you’re open to it.

Liliana: 1:54:51

Yes, of course.

Carla: 1:54:52

Yes, thank you very much.

Bruna: 1:54:56

Thank you very much, Colby

.Ivone: 1:54:57

Thank you.

Liliana: 1:54:58

Thank you, thank you All right.

Breaking Cycles: Healing Across Generations with Dr. Lisa Cherry

The Transformative Power of Trauma-Informed Practice: Insights from Dr. Lisa Cherry

In a compelling conversation on the Secure Start podcast, Dr. Lisa Cherry shares profound insights on trauma-informed practice, drawing from her 35 years of experience working with vulnerable children and young people. As the Director of Trauma Informed Consultancy Services Limited and author of several influential books, Dr. Cherry brings a unique perspective that combines academic knowledge, professional expertise, and powerful lived experience.

One of the most striking themes throughout the discussion is the concept of breaking intergenerational cycles. Dr. Cherry reflects on raising her own children, now 26 and 28, and how this process confronted her with her own childhood experiences. “People often talk about breaking cycles,” she notes, “and for me, it’s about breaking cycles. There are some things that just repeat, but actually there are some cycles that can be broken.” This perspective highlights the intergenerational nature of trauma work – we’re not just helping individuals in front of us but potentially influencing generations to come.

Dr. Cherry’s journey from being in care herself to becoming homeless, then eventually finding her way to university and a career advocating for vulnerable young people, provides a powerful narrative thread throughout the conversation. Her experience of writing to the director of social services as a child and making complaints in children’s homes foreshadowed her future career path. This early advocacy demonstrates how lived experience can shape professional passion and purpose, providing authentic insight that academic knowledge alone cannot offer.

Language emerged as a critical focus in the discussion. Dr. Cherry emphasizes the urgent need to address how we talk about children and young people in care systems. “The language that is used to describe children and young people is hugely problematic,” she states. “It’s hugely problematizing of those children and young people, and it shapes and forms the way that they are viewed and the way that they are seen.” This observation highlights how seemingly small linguistic choices can perpetuate harm and influence both service delivery and children’s self-perception.

Another key insight focuses on understanding behaviour as communication. Dr. Cherry challenges practitioners to recognize that children rarely have the capacity to articulate their trauma verbally. Instead, they show their struggles through behaviour. This perspective requires professionals to develop self-awareness about their own nervous system responses and relationship with shame. As Dr. Cherry explains, “It’s very, very difficult to think about behaviour as communication if you don’t have the time and space to think about how you communicate your own distress when you’re distressed.”

The podcast conversation also examines the systemic challenges facing care and education services. Dr. Cherry highlights how reduced funding, diminished capacity, and increasingly procedural approaches make genuine relational work more difficult. “We have to stop thinking about people as machines fulfilling a role,” she insists. “This is relational work. Relational work is deep, it’s meaningful, it’s connecting.” This observation points to the need for systems that prioritize connection and proper staff wellbeing to enable truly transformative work with vulnerable young people.

Dr. Cherry’s three books – “The Brightness of Stars,” “Conversations that Make a Difference for Children and Young People,” and “Weaving a Web of Belonging” – each contribute unique perspectives to the field of trauma-informed practice. Her focus on making these books accessible and practical for busy practitioners demonstrates her commitment to creating real-world impact. Her current focus on supporting the wellbeing of practitioners themselves recognizes that those doing the direct work with traumatized children need profound support themselves.

Listen here:

Watch here:

About Lisa:

Dr Lisa Cherry is the Director of Trauma Informed Consultancy Services Ltd leading a dynamic and creative organisation that provides a ‘one stop’ approach to delivering on research, consultancy and learning and development.

Lisa is an author, researcher, leading international trainer and consultant, specialising in assisting schools, services and systems to create systemic change to the way that we work with those experiencing and living with, the legacy of trauma.

Lisa has been working in and around Education and Children’s Services for over 35 years and combines academic knowledge and research with professional expertise and personal experience.

Lisa has worked extensively across many sectors with Social workers, Educators, Probation Workers and those in Adult Services, training and speaking to over 35,000 people around the world including in the US, Australia and Pakistan and across the whole of the UK.

Lisa has produced multiple pieces of research for various settings and Lisa’s own MA research looked at the impact on education and employment for care experienced adults who experienced school exclusion as children in the 1970’s and 1980’s.

In February 2024 Lisa completed her DPhil research at The University of Oxford in the Department of Education. The research asked “How do care experienced adults who were also excluded from school make sense of belonging?”

Lisa is the author of the hugely successful and award winning book ‘Conversations that make a difference for Children and Young People’ (2021), ‘The Brightness of Stars’ 3rd Edition (2022) and Weaving a Web of Belonging: Developing a Trauma-Informed Culture for All Children (2025).

Related Podcasts:

Dr Hayley Lugassy

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:01

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Lisa: 0:04

Taking your children into adulthood is probably one of the deepest education experiences that I’ve had. People often talk about breaking cycles, breaking the cycle and for me it’s about breaking cycles. There are some things that just repeat, but actually there are some cycles that can be broken, and being able to really be present, be connected, be consistent, for my children as adults feels to me like a really beautiful breaking of a cycle. We have to stop thinking about children coming out of care and that’s the end of service. The people who are doing the work you know the direct work are giving something of themselves every time they do that, and what I’m focused on in my next book is how do we make sure that those people, that the people doing that work are looked after in a really deeply and profound way so that they can do that work?

Lisa: 1:20

We need to sort out the language. The language that is used to describe children and young people is hugely problematic. It’s very, very difficult to think about behaviour as communication if you don’t have the time and space to think about how you communicate your own distress when you’re distressed. And this is what happens when you starve systems and you reduce capacity and you take away funding and you make the work really, really intense. Unfortunately, it makes real relational work much harder.

Colby: 2:01

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is an author, researcher and leading international trainer and consultant who specialises in assisting schools, services and systems to create change to the way that we work with those experiencing and living with the legacy of trauma. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge that I’m meeting with them on Kaurna land, and I’d just also like to acknowledge the continuing connection that the living Kaurna people feel to land, waters, culture and community, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest for this episode is Dr Lisa Cherry. Lisa is the Director of Trauma Informed Consultancy Services Limited. She leads a dynamic and creative organisation that provides a one-stop approach to delivering on research, consultancy and learning and development.

Colby: 3:12

Lisa has been working in and around education and children’s services for over 35 years and combines academic knowledge and research with professional expertise and personal experience. Lisa’s MA research looked at the impact on education and employment for care experienced adults who experienced school exclusion as children in the 1970s and 80s. In February 2024, lisa completed her Doctor of Philosophy research at the University of Oxford. The research asked how do care experienced adults who are also excluded from school make sense of belonging. Lisa is the author of the hugely successful and award winning book Conversations that Make a Difference for Children and Young People, published in 2021, as well as the Brightness of Stars, which is in its third edition, and Weaving a Web of Belonging Developing a Trauma-Informed Culture for All Children, which has been published this year. Welcome Lisa.

Lisa: 4:23

Thank you, Colby. It’s lovely to be here and thank you for such a warm introduction.

Colby: 4:30

You’re welcome. Is there anything that I left out that you think is important for our listeners to know about the work that you’ve done and continue to do?

Lisa: 4:40

Well, listen, bios are just inherently quite uncomfortable to listen to, aren’t they? Because they sound so, you know, like Formal, like yeah, they’re just like a lot, which is lovely, and at this stage of life, you would expect to have a bio that’s got quite a lot of stuff in it, because you know you’ve been yeah, I’ve been around a long time. I guess the only other thing that would be worth mentioning is that I have two adult children and I’m a grandma, and um, taking your children into adulthood is is probably one of the deepest education experiences that I’ve had.

Colby: 5:26

I’ve always said the same yeah, I mean, it’s probably our greatest achievement, isn’t it? And also our greatest. Our kids are often our greatest teachers.

Lisa: 5:38

Oh God, I mean, it’s really difficult to even talk about them without feeling emotional. You know it’s such an emotional thing and I think, when you’ve also had to recover from your own childhood experiences and felt some of the weight of that appear in your own children in that intergenerational way, that that works. That is very confronting. It’s very confronting.

Lisa: 6:12

There were periods that were like being in therapy every day you know, as as that experience is mirrored back and I’m now at a place they’re 26 and 28, and I’m now at a place where I see what’s mirrored back is more healing and more recovery and just how much connection and support your children need, with a deep, deep awareness that I had nothing like that. And so when we think about I listen to people often talk about breaking cycles, breaking the cycle, and for me it’s about breaking cycles. There are some things that just repeat, but actually there are some cycles that can be broken, and being able to really be present, be connected, be consistent for my children as adults feels to me like a really beautiful breaking of a cycle.

Colby: 7:20

Yeah, yeah, wonderful. We’ve heard some other stories on the podcast so far, one in particular in Graham Kerridge’s podcast that really reflected the significance of breaking the cycle, and it’s something that is very near and dear to my heart. It’s something that is very near and dear to my heart, and I often think that our work is intergenerational as well in its impacts. Sure, and so it’s not just the person or the people in front of us that we’re effectively working with. We’re working with their spouse, future spouses or part life partners there and their own children and grandchildren through, as you say, what transmits through, through the generations so it’s very powerful and important work that we do.

Lisa: 8:22

Yeah, I love that and I love that kind of circle of life. You know, and I always talk about healing Often we might be healing an ancestral wound we don’t even know we’re carrying. That is from somewhere completely different. And when we’re talking about children and young people who’ve experienced fractured childhoods and adoption and care and all of those things, then they’re often working with something within themselves which will appear across the life course that they might not know where that comes from, they might not know they’re even healing and that’s deep.

Colby: 9:05

And then when you bounce into the future and you start thinking about the future, those future spouses and future children I just think it’s such, it’s such a privilege and it’s such beautiful work yeah, it was interesting because, um, graham got me thinking about this and his training was as an economist and his interest was in human capital, and it was such a totally different way of thinking about the work we do, because I’m not an economist.

Colby: 9:43

In fact, um, my bank balance reflects very, very well that that that is the case, but, um, yeah, yeah, but I mean it was it’s a nice way of putting it anyway the looking at it from a human capital point of view, that I hadn’t done that before, but, yes, certainly I have been for a while, um, very much aware of that intergenerational impact of our work. Lisa, I think people who know you would know that your work in this space is influenced by personal experience growing up. Um is influenced by personal experience growing up, um, but I wonder if you, if you can perhaps say just in your own words, what got you into the work, um, that you’ve been doing this past 35 years or so?

Lisa: 10:40

yeah, I mean it’s. It’s a really interesting one, isn’t it? And, without a shadow of a doubt, my experience of being in care has, you know, provided me with my work, and I guess there are aspects of that that are part of me and my personality and the things that I care about and I’m passionate about, like you know, I remember as a very young child being very passionate about justice, being very passionate about the society that we lived in, um, and so I guess I could have gone into different avenues. I wanted to be Kate Adie. I wanted to be a war correspondent. You know I was.

Lisa: 11:22

I thought that looked absolutely amazing and, of course, going in know, doing research is is kind of like, really sophisticated. You know, I don’t know if researchers would like this, but journalism and research really sit closely together and I was always very interested by journalism and wanting to tell stories and wanting to highlight things that were wrong and that needed change, and I felt that very much growing up. But going into care of course exposes you to a world that is very different than a world that you would see if you weren’t in care. So you start being exposed to a whole range of professions you might be, you’ll be exposed to residential social workers, to foster carers, to social workers. Nowadays you’ll also have CAMHS workers and of back then also IROs, you know, an independent reviewing officer, and there’s all these different types of jobs.

Lisa: 12:29

And if you’re not really engaged in education for because you’ve got like loads of stuff going on um, then it’s almost like a kind of careers um opening up. You know there’s all these types of jobs and there’s these ways of doing things. So I think the combination of who I was and I was the sort of um child who was often writing to the director of social services and making complaints and, you know, kind of seeking justice in the in in the children’s home and stuff like that um and that combination I think, then of seeing people and also experiencing um a social worker I’m still in contact with Eunice who, who I always refer to as the the only social worker whose name I remember, you know we’d sit in her Ford Escort. I’d be crying, going why is everything so shit, and she’d be making me feel better and I thought that looks like a great. Get a ford escort and you get to make people feel better.

Colby: 13:31

Give me the ford escort bit a bit yeah, what’s not to love about that?

Lisa: 13:37

you know, so, at sort of 15, 15, 16 she. She was my social worker only for about a year and a half, but, um, very influential. Um, probably not at the time realizing how influential she was, but I kind of looked at um different social workers and thought I like I would like to do that, so that’s, those seeds were then planted. I mean, unfortunately, coming out of care I then had, I was homeless for a couple of years and I didn’t have an education because I had been expelled from schools. And you know, that came a bit later and I was lucky enough to get some funding to do a sociology degree, um, at the age of 21. Um, I had to do a couple of a levels which I was pretty diabolical at, but I obviously ticked the right boxes help me the right, help me boxes and and got into uni and and did sociology, which just further really cemented um how I felt about wanting to create change socially. Um, so, yeah, yeah and Lisa I’m.

Colby: 14:52

There’s a lot in there, but I’m the first thing that I was recalling, and I think you shared you must have shared this video at one stage was a younger version of yourself on a. Was a younger version of yourself being interviewed on a talk show about. That must be back around that time that you were at university and maybe even before. But talking about young people in care.

Lisa: 15:16

Yeah, so I guess because I was very articulate, pretty feisty and have a bit of a streak of determination in me, that did get picked up when I was younger, from different organizations and I’d been in a night shelter um around the age of 17, 18 um called Centrepoint um who are a big charity for youth homelessness in the UK and at the time a man called Nick Hardwick was the CEO and once I’d come out of that we’d kind of stayed in touch a bit. I’d been housed. I was then at uni and he asked me if I’d go on this Channel 4 programme about homelessness with John Snow, who’s an incredibly wonderful journalist, who’s retired now from his time on Channel 4 News element and wanting to create change and going through that process of being quite vulnerable. Because you know, I think when I met Nick many years later you know he said that they had only just started thinking about children coming out of care and homelessness. That actually the vision at the time so I’m going back to the late 80s, early 90s was very much that homelessness was a step you know this idea of an older male drinking.

Lisa: 16:55

You know that there wasn’t a real deep understanding about children coming out of care and being homeless, which which so many of us were, and that piece was part of a massive campaign. We did lots of things. We did Channel 4. We did lots of newspaper items and magazines and all sorts of things to really raise awareness that children were coming out of care and they were becoming homeless for lots of different reasons, you know. One of them might have been just to get as far away from that care experience as possible, thinking you can cope and you can do stuff, and not being able to Alongside. We didn’t have legislation back then that made sure that children weren’t homeless and that there were lots of options. There weren’t lots of options, actually, when you came out of care, so it was a really, really tricky time.

Colby: 17:52

Yeah, and I think it’s something that’s still being grappled with in many jurisdictions around the world. In my own local jurisdiction, um and I think you mentioned something in there that resonates with me that often my observation with young people and I’ve worked long term with the young people that I do see and will continue to see them professionally post care but oftentimes the last thing that they want is for any authority to be assisting them in any way. They just want done with the government running their lives and sadly, I mean that’s a bit of an indictment on their experience in care and also sadly sets them up for a tough run, as you experienced as well, with homelessness and various other challenges being part of their experience post-care.

Lisa: 19:03

And that’s why we have to stop thinking about children coming out of care and that’s the end of service. That has to be in the same way that you have with your own children. There has to be that ability, you know, because your own kids might turn around as well. You know, both my kids were trying to live independently long before they could and I think that’s quite a normal thing to happen. But of course there’s that elastic band, that continuous coming back. We need to really think about services in a very different way that understands the science that underpins child development, for a start, and that also understands 18 to 25 year olds in terms of a um, the, the work that’s been done around contextual safeguarding um, so that we, so that people have that opportunity to recover from some of those experiences. But they can also come back, just like your own kids can.

Colby: 20:10

Yes, and I’ve already done a podcast interview with Kiran Modi, who set up Udain Care in India, and remarkable, remarkable person and what they’ve done. And, as you say, they provide a place and people that care leavers can come back to right through to their mid-20s and beyond. They have what she called volunteer mentor parents in their residential homes who are parental figures for life for the young people that go through there. Oftentimes, I think we I wonder about this, I wonder whether in our white Western, you know, first world kind of mentality, we think we’re doing it better than um anyone else and and and uh, the challenges that we have would be the same everywhere. But um, you know, you know, my experience just very recently in talking to someone from india is that you, you can do it um very differently and provide extraordinary levels of support and opportunity for our young people.

Colby: 21:27

Um, anyway, uh, the other thing that that stood out for me in when you were talking was you talked about Eunice and her. I think it was Eunice and her Ford Escort and um, I wonder if there was any. And you also talked about um john snow, the journalist, but also the other chap put you in touch with him and um, I was wondering if there’s anyone else that you’d like to you know, acknowledge, or that you would acknowledge uh as having had a really important and significant um uh impact on you travelling this path, walking this path.

Lisa: 22:08

Yeah, I mean to be honest, I wouldn’t know where to start and I think that’s really part of our work, really, isn’t it, that people influence you along the way. I do remember somebody else I don’t know their name, but I was living in Cornwall. I’d gone down to Cornwall, I was homeless. I was. I lived across all sorts of different types of non-housing across Cornwall for for a few months before I went to London, which is where I kind of Cornwall for for a few months before I went to London, which is where I kind of uh was, was saved, if you like. Um and some journalists came down from shelter and did a piece on homelessness and as soon as I got to London, I went straight down to the shelter head office on Old Street and became a really pain in the arse volunteer um, which was, um, one of the first experiences that I had, but it was again. It was. It was a stunning experience because it was the 21st uh anniversary. So it would have been, I suppose, 1987, something like that, the 21st anniversary of Kathy Come Home. And we had this amazing event with all these very famous people, and there’s a wonderful picture of me stood next to Jeremy Irons, kind of gazing at Jeremy Irons on this stand, this podium stand, at the age of I must well, maybe I was 17, 18, and so those were the kind of things that really, really influenced me.

Lisa: 23:46

But, as I say, you can’t take away who you are as a person as well, because the first thing I did when I got to London was I’m going to find that journalist, that person who did that writing piece.

Lisa: 23:59

I want to be there, I want to do that, you know, and I think that’s why it’s so important for children, young people, to meet as many different types of people as possible.

Lisa: 24:09

I can’t remember her name, but what happened was a chain of events that led me into a campaigns department, that led me to start writing articles for their magazine, you know, all of those kind of things that really showed me where my passion was, and so, mostly across my work, I’ve never felt like I’m working because I found that passion, I found what I wanted to do, and if we can give that gift I found what I wanted to do and if we can give that gift to to young people, how incredible is that to have this exposure to so many different people with different ways of life that spark and ignite a passion that, yes, you’re not. You’re not always going to be doing the things that you really want to do, but you’re going to be in that field. So, yeah, I feel very, very fortunate and can’t ever really feel cross about the experiences that I had, because they gifted me those types of events that have given me the ability to work from a place of passion.

Colby: 25:27

Yeah, it’s a not uncommon, I guess, response from people who have experienced hardship in their life, but it has, and who have overcome it and, um, they, they wouldn’t. It’s quite common to say they wouldn’t change. Um, those difficult, you know, those things that shape those experiences, that shape them. And what’s really coming through, lisa, listening, listening to you talk, is how driven you were to, even in the latter stages of your time in care. You’re being driven to try and to stand up and say this is not good enough for me, nor my peers who are in this space.

Lisa: 26:34

Yeah, yeah, and again I feel very blessed that you know I have that within me.

Lisa: 26:41

You know you’re very focused on attachment and I absolutely believe that the first attachment relationship that I had with my grandmother was profound in terms of of my development, and you know she was present, you know she could give me things, emotionally and through that attachment relationship that I couldn’t get from my mother. You know that wasn’t and still isn’t possible, and so I have so much gratitude for that because I think if I hadn’t had her, I’d have been in care from very young, you know, and that would have brought a whole other set of challenges and difficulties and it would be as much as there are no regrets in the sense of what the experience gave me. There’s still sadness and there’s still loss and there’s still grief, and I think it’s really important to hold both of those things. And I wonder, anyway, I’ve met enough humans, many, many humans, to know that sadness, loss and grief is part of the human experience and that, whatever experiences you’ve had, invariably most people are grappling and dealing with their, their own?

Colby: 28:30

families and their own beginnings in life. Yeah, yeah. So, um, at some point you you kind of started out your your advocacy in care about the conditions within the care arrangement that you were in, and then moved to the homelessness of care leavers, post-care, and at some point in time you turned your attention to schools and, uh, the experience of of, of young people who had experienced relational trauma, and, uh, and their experience of schools. Do you mind telling us a bit about that?

Lisa: 29:17

yeah. So once I’d got my degree, I moved into um, I worked in leaving care teams, uh, for nearly 10 years and then, and then I moved into and then lots of things changed. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it anymore. It became very admin-y, um, it lost some of the fusion with youth work that Leaving Care Work had back then, which I loved and which was very relational and consistent and it was lovely work. So I wandered across the road and went into the education department and that was a very different experience. All of a sudden, you know, know, I was not in my jeans anymore. I was, you know, covering my tattoos. It was all very, very um, I don’t know how to describe it, but it was a cut. It was a bit of a culture shock. Everyone was very proper and social work had it.

Lisa: 30:25

It’s just not, it’s not quite as proper yeah it’s got a bit of activism and it’s got some rebellion in it. It’s got, you know, social work often brings people in with all sorts of different lived experiences. Education back then was incredibly straight, um, and so I had a bit of a steep learning curve, but I met some amazing people who kind of taught me how to be in the education space, and I spent time working in schools. I spent time working with people who children and young people who were not attending school, and we would be setting up like different tutoring arrangements and alternative plans so they could stay on roll at school. It was very much about reducing exclusion, preventing exclusion. So, yes, I did that for 10 years, um.

Lisa: 31:45

So yeah, so I did that for 10 years, um, and I kind of got to a point because I also had two young bringing the body into the way that I had been thinking about the work that I was doing, and that was around 2005 2005, so 20 years ago and then I did a small piece of work with a local authority which was very much about creating services across different sectors and getting people around the table, and that was an amazing piece of work because it really taught me how long it takes to build relationships, not just the relationships that you’re having, but when you’re trying to engage other sectors, to sit around a table and talk to each other and become friends. That takes a long time, um, so that was a real gift to watch that process, um, and then it was after that, because we had we had, um a change of government and the financial crash and, uh, I also had something personal happen in my life that just threw everything open, and that’s when I became self-employed 15 years ago.

Colby: 33:08

Yeah, and you’ve been very active in that 15 years, as you likely were prior to that. Amongst other things you’ve done is you’ve written three books, which I mentioned earlier in the intro.

Lisa: 33:41

I wonder if you just would like to talk a little bit about each of those books and what particular messages they might have for children’s services and for schools. Yeah, so well. The first book was the Brightness of Stars, and I wrote that back in 2012, 2013. And I wrote it because I’d hit a bit of a roadblock. I wasn’t particularly open about my experience, I hadn’t really talked about it, but I was very aware, like lots of people who get to their kind of late 30s, early 40s, that midlife period, that it had massively influenced me and that whatever I hadn’t dealt with in the recovery journey I’d had so far, I was going to have to deal with. And that led me to think. But there must be lots of other people with this experience. Where are they? I mean, think about this there there’s no Facebook groups, there’s no social media where everyone’s connecting.

Lisa: 34:30

I think we were sort of very much at the beginning of that um, and so I had a few connections and I wanted to share stories. You know, as I where I started at the beginning of this podcast talking about sharing stories and journalism and I wanted to share stories and I’ve been fortunate enough that Routledge republished that book, because I’d self-published originally and they published it and what was beautiful about it was when I read what I’d written. It wasn’t relevant anymore. I’d written it wasn’t relevant anymore. I didn’t have those feelings about it anymore and it made me think. Everybody that was in it needs to write. What do they think about it?

Lisa: 35:11

Now, 10 years later, let’s have an exploration of the healing journey and how, at different points in your life, something really troubles you and is really defining and is really intense.

Lisa: 35:23

And 10 years later, when you’ve processed it and used writing to make sense of it and perhaps had some therapy and perhaps done some body work and all of those things, um, that help us process stuff. So there’s a there is a new section in there as well that’s more contemporary, but there’s that beautiful section at the beginning that’s got the reflections of what people had written to use earlier. So that’s wonderful. So I guess the messages in that book are about what does the experience look like and what does a healing journey look like? You know, it’s really good for people to know that over time we change and we grow and we transform and I think that that’s that’s a real gift of of the third edition. Conversations that make a difference is very much a book that infuses, as everything that I do I try and infuse, with academic knowledge, professional practice and lived experience, and that book infuses that conversations that make a difference for children and young people and the opening chapters with unis are wonderful which is wonderful, um.

Lisa: 36:39

So there’s there’s a whole range of conversations in there. It’s a lovely way of sharing conversations in a book like that, because it’s quite easy to read, and I’ve tried to make most of my books easy to read. Practitioners are busy. We haven’t got time to get through Dostoevsky, you know, like you’ve got to be able to just dip in and read something that really makes a difference and that makes you think about something in a different way. So there’s lots of reflections and then weaving a web of belonging, which has just come out this year, is very much underpinned by the research, uh, the PhD that I did, the research, um, which again was a really interesting experience.

Lisa: 37:28

There’s lots of voices in there, but writing academically is so hard and so dry, um, and it felt equally hard to strip the dryness back and create a practice book. So it’s very much underpinned by extensive research, but again, I’ve tried to make it very readable. I’ve even got some recipes in there, some grounding exercises, you know, anything that makes reading about some really difficult stuff just just a bit more manageable, because the people who are doing the work you know the direct work, um are giving something of themselves every time they do that, and what I’m focused on in my next book is how do we make sure that those people, that the people doing that work, are looked after in a really deeply and profound way so that they can do that work.

Colby: 38:39

That sounds wonderful. I look forward to reading that book as well. Lisa, I think you’ve. I mean, writing a book is a very generous thing to do, I think, and particularly when you have such extensive lived experience and knowledge and drive. And I’m really just really pleased to hear that your books do well. And see all the posts on social media of people who’ve got the latest book on belonging yeah, that’s just wonderful. If you could sit down with, you know, the heads of education or the heads of child protection, child safeguarding statutory authorities, what do you think you’d say to them?

Lisa: 39:38

So I guess I mean I’d say a lot, but I think there’s two things that I think are really important and really misunderstood. So the first thing I’d say is we need to sort out the language. The language that is used to describe children and young people is hugely problematic. It’s hugely problematizing of those children and young people and it shapes and forms the way that they are viewed and the way that they are seen. So language is the first thing. Let’s get on with a piece of work sorting that out. Let’s get on with a piece of work sorting that out.

Lisa: 40:22

And I guess the second thing that is also hugely misunderstood is that behaviour is communication. That seems to me to be such a difficult concept for people to understand. It’s almost as if people think children have an articulation of their trauma that it can take you decades to get of their trauma, that it can take you decades to get that they can somehow come and say to you I’ve got to have a chat with you later because I’m really struggling with something and I’d like to walk it through. You know, and of course that is not possible, but that’s the expectation. So when a child shows you which is what children will always do that they are struggling with something.

Lisa: 41:04

I would say that’s something that I would really like to be understood more. First, ways of understanding that is, for people to drop into their own central nervous system, their own relationship with shame and their own relationship with struggle. And if they can do that and that’s some of what I try and do with people if they can do that I try and do with people if they can do that, then that expands that space of compassion, because then there’s some compassion for self. It’s very, very difficult to think about behavior as communication if you don’t have the time and space to think about how you communicate your own distress when you’re distressed. So I think that would be what I would be looking at. Let’s give people some space for reflection. Let’s give people some space for some really good training opportunities. Let’s give people some space to drop into their own bodies, um, so that that exploration can happen.

Colby: 42:19

Yeah, I think listeners of this podcast will be very, very familiar with me saying that um, one of my um and another issue that’s very close to me, um is the fact that too many practitioners in education and also in child safeguarding are so flat out with the work that they don’t have time to stop and think about what they’re doing. And it manifests to me in a couple of things. I’ll often ask people, you know, if we, they’ll say they’ll give me the shopping list of problems with a young person and then, and I’ll say to them a couple of things, one of them would be if my intervention was successful, what would you expect to see? What would be different? And people find that very hard, very, very hard to answer because, as you say, they’re so stuck in a problem focus and talking about the problems of the children. I also say to people and I think this ties very much in with what you’re saying about just take some time to think about what it would be like we, if you were struggling, if you were having some of these experiences. I asked, I asked three questions if the child could or would, how would they truthfully describe themselves, other people and their world? How fast does their motor run and what did they learn in their first learning environments about how you get your needs met? Again, really difficult questions to answer, I’ve found, but I do think you’re right. I think, if I think, I think and again, people need time I think, if you can, if people have the time to drop in and reflect on their own experiences of struggle, or you know what it would have, what, what they can imagine it would be like to experience significant struggle. I remember the first. It was not the first time I thought about it, lisa, but it’s one of the first times that it really stood out, so much that I remember Very early in my career, mid-90s, in my first posting as a clinical psychologist doing assessments of young people, I had a young person that I was expecting to see first thing in the morning at the office, and when I arrived I used to live on one side of my home city of Adelaide and work at the far extremity of the other side and, depending on traffic in between, that journey could be elongated or otherwise.

Colby: 45:18

But anyway, I walked in and I walked into one of the at uh, the professional areas of the building and, and, and there was the young person I knew it would be her because she had a distinctive um background. So I immediately knew, ah, this must be the, the young person that’s come to see me. And I was very aware of her surroundings at that time and what she made of them and the fact that the taxi driver a taxi driver had collected her from her placement and dropped her at the office and she was about nine years old from memory. So, yeah, just really. From then on it was very much foremost in my mind the experience of our young people. It’s very hard. If you don’t give people the time to stop and reflect, then they just become very procedural and the work loses a bit of its heart and it becomes heartless and procedural. I think.

Lisa: 46:29

We have to stop thinking about people as machines fulfilling a role. You know this is relational work. Relational work is deep, it’s meaningful, it’s connecting um and so people. And this is what happens when you starve systems and you reduce capacity and you take away funding and you make the work really, really intense. Unfortunately, it makes real relational work much harder. Now I say that knowing that some areas that I work in prioritise it above all else. But it does mean that something else has to give. So there’s an intentionality when you’re thinking about belonging relationships, connection, proper staff well-being not, you know, let’s go bowling every fortnight or something, but the proper stuff that really nourishes and fills people’s cups. And you know you’re absolutely right when, when we don’t have that, then that’s where the procedural stuff comes in and burnout and secondary trauma and you know all of that stuff kicks in one other thing I just want to say I the the language we use.

Colby: 47:52

My first edition of the attachment book I. I say I wrote I didn’t write two editions. I wrote two of the attachment book. I say I wrote I didn’t write two editions. I wrote two books, the first book and the second book. They’re different books and the language is quite different. And a little example when I do, every now and then I’ve spoken to our heads of our child protection department here in my local jurisdiction department, here in my in my local jurisdiction. But I, on the language thing, I’ll say um, because one of one another thing that’s really near and dear to my heart is is the main, where possible, the maintenance and I think it’s more possible than we we think but the maintenance of good connection with birth family. So I I will say you could probably achieve a lot in terms of practice by changing one word in the sentence that is routinely said about our children and young people.

Lisa: 48:50

What’s routinely said and written is that they cannot be safely cared for at home and I say replace cannot with couldn’t or could not, and I I dare say you would, yeah, you would um notice a big, I mean language is powerful it’s so powerful and maybe could not right now, you know like allow parents the opportunity that we all afford ourselves of transformation and recovery and wellness and sobriety and all those other things you know, in a dynamic, trauma-sensitive way in the writing. You know that, but right now that wasn’t possible. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible later on. It’s just not possible now and it’s those kind of things, isn’t it’s having that, that, that eye for the life course? But services, unfortunately, are so divided and siloed into what you know how they work that the life course approach and that holistic approach is often lost. And look at us, we could talk for hours I think so we could.

Colby: 50:07

I was literally I I say to the kids, when the you know you’re supposed to say, colby, get out of my head, it’s rude, you gotta ask permission. Permission before you’re reading my mind. But you were just literally reading my mind then, lisa, because I was going to say, yes, we could talk for hours. Maybe we’ll just have to do this conversation in installments perhaps, but if you’re keen, I do give all of my guests an opportunity to ask me a question without notice at the end. We’ve heard a lot of my voice already. I’m not sure if you had something that you wanted to ask me.

Lisa: 50:46

Well, I don’t have anything to ask you today because I’ve already interviewed you on my podcast. So I asked you lots of questions. So if anybody wants to hear those questions, then I’m sure Colby will drop that episode into the show notes and you can listen to me ask you lots of questions.

Colby: 51:06

Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Well, I mean, is that a bit I’ll do it because you’ve raised it? It’s an invitation.

Lisa: 51:14

It’s an invitation and it would be lovely to share that conversation and it’s it’s been really lovely to be on the other side of that and, um, and be asked lots of questions, so thank you for having me yeah, well, thank you for agreeing and uh, yeah, I hope you have a good day and you continue to be well, lisa as well as you can be.