Sri Lanka’s Care System: Progress, Gaps, And Hope – Nimali Kumari

Sri Lanka’s Care System: Progress, Gaps, And Hope

What if turning 18 didn’t mean turning off support? We sit down with Nimmu, a powerhouse care leaver advocate from Sri Lanka, to map what’s changing, what still hurts, and how to build a system that puts children where they thrive—whether that’s family, kinship, or a short stay in residential care. With warmth and precision, Nimu explains Sri Lanka’s current landscape: most children live in Child Development Centres, foster care is in development, and adoption and kinship care remain key alternatives. She shares how things have improved—care plans, school access, and more respectful language—while spotlighting stubborn gaps like early exits at 15–16, patchy counselling, and the silent crisis of IDs and addresses that lock young adults out of services, votes, and formal work.

The conversation opens with a clear picture of Sri Lanka’s out-of-home care: most children live in Child Development Centres rather than foster care, with adoption and kinship care as alternatives. Nimmu, a formidable care leaver advocate, contrasts her experience from 15–20 years ago with the system today. She explains how many children still exit too early—sometimes at 15 or 16—when schooling stalls, and how preparation for independence has often been thin. Yet momentum is real: structured care plans, school access, and public understanding have improved, and there is a stronger refusal to use the word “orphan” when many children have living parents. The question shifts from “which setting?” to “which setting best meets this child’s needs now?”, anchoring the episode’s core message: the best place for a child is the place that offers safety, love, and stability, whether family, kinship, or temporary residential care.

A major advancement is Sri Lanka’s commitment to aftercare, including grants of two million rupees for eligible care leavers to buy land, rebuild, or secure housing. Nimmu celebrates this but flags equity gaps—older care leavers can miss out, and documentation barriers remain. IDs, birth records, and registered addresses are often incomplete, shutting people out of elections, services, and formal work. Psychological support has improved but can be episodic; counsellors arrive during crises, then disappear for months. Nimmu argues for preparation to start years before transition, with life skills, financial literacy, self-defence for girls, navigating public spaces, and consistent therapeutic support that also includes caregivers. You don’t need to be a therapist to be therapeutic, she notes; stable, kind, attentive adults heal, and trained “mothers” in centres can shift culture.

The heart of the episode is family strengthening. Nimmu believes institutionalisation should be a short, last-resort bridge, not a destination. She points to rising divorce and poverty as drivers of placement, arguing that targeted support—cash transfers, mediation, and practical aid—can keep more children at home. At school, younger teachers and peers are more inclusive, but stigma lingers when children are identified by their institution rather than their name. That language sticks and hurts. Healing requires identity, belonging, and dignity—starting with how we speak. Nimmu’s story shows how purpose transforms trauma: advocacy, education, and shared work turn pain into fuel for change, but not everyone carries that fire. Systems must hold those who cannot self-advocate with equal care.

Peer networks are the frontline. Nimmu co-founded Generation Never Give Up and Rise Together to connect hundreds of care leavers with jobs, legal support, hostel access, and higher education. Their next move is a transition home: a safe, non-stigmatising base where young people can work, study, return at night, and contribute to bills as they stabilise. The model recycles rent into the next person’s start, building solidarity and sustainability. Meanwhile, government discussions on documentation reform promise structural fixes long overdue. Globally, Nimmu is not alone. Care leavers are organising across regions, comparing policy wins and pitfalls, and raising a unified voice: don’t make children independent on a clock; make them ready with community, rights, and real options. The pathway forward is clear—invest early, keep families strong, professionalise caregiving, guarantee documents and housing, and treat care leavers as partners in policy, not passive recipients.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Secure Star podcast.

Nimmu: 0:05

They are giving 2 million per KR lever, so it means the thousand to the thousand KR levers to build a house or purchase a house. But I know that we are trying to do like uh decrease the number of the children’s uh child development centers in Sri Lanka, but I am pretty sure that it’s not going to be happening. I don’t want children to come into child development centers, and I just want to strengthen the family strengthening. Either it’s a family, either it’s a child development center, either it’s an adoption, or any other forms of like a post-op teachership. Where is the best place for the children? Children should be there. The counseling and psychological support only for the children who are living in CDC, also for the matrons, also for the caregivers should be there. So I’m happy as a careless in Sri Lanka, we are really strong and we are used to government level, we are used to like the private sectors, NGOs and INGs. So we are dealing with all of them. So they should be careful about that. The problems that we what we have faced, it will be not happened with them very soon.

Colby: 1:10

Hello and welcome to the Secure Star podcast. I’m Colby Pierce, and joining me for this episode is a leading care leaver voice in Sri Lanka. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands that I come to you from, the Ghana people of the Adelaide Plains, and acknowledge the continuing connection the living Ghana people feel to land, waters, culture, and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging. My guest this episode is Namali Kumari. Affectionately known as Nimu, Namali is a carelever from Sri Lanka who spent over a decade in institutional care. She holds a degree in journalism, advertising and mass communication from NIILM University in India, along with additional qualifications in criminal investigation, psychology, and social sciences. She has worked as a skill photographer and costume designer for the Indian film Dreams in 2013. Namali has represented Sri Lanka as a speaker at numerous international conferences, including those focused on child protection and women’s rights in Nepal in 2017 and the Baikon International Conference in India in 2018 and 21, in Nepal in 2023, and in Malaysia this past year. Recently, Namali also spoke at the 35th Vice International Conference in Croatia in 2024. That same year, Namali was honoured as a young changemaker by the UN Ambassador and Neon Media. She is an active member of the Global Care Leavers Committee and a member of Care Leaders Council. She represented South Asian care leavers in the UN Resolution Focus Group in 2019. She completed a justice-based approach foundation course at United Edge in the USA in 2021. Since 2021, Namali has appeared on various TV programs discussing her life experiences and has become a social media influencer. Drawing on her lived experience, she is a passionate advocate for children’s rights and alternative care. Namali’s work focuses on reuniting orphaned children with their families and ensuring that they have access to education and employment opportunities. She worked for one of the largest NGOs, Savadaya, for 10 years and later for the Egyptian Embassy. Currently, she is employed at Their Future Together in both the UK and Sri Lanka. She is registered as an alternative family and foster care manager and leads the foster care program, ensuring that children grow up in safe, loving families. Inspired by her own 15 years in orphanages, Namali co-founded the Asia First Care Leavers Network, Generation Never Give Up, in 2017. She also co-founded and currently works as director of Rise Together Care Leavers Leading Network. Recently, Namali launched her autobiography, The Caged Girl, A Journey to Justice, which translates into Sinala as Dumburu Pathuk. Welcome Nimali.

Nimmu: 5:26

Thank you so much.

Colby: 5:28

I think a few times in there I ran out of breath. So such a long and impressive bio. I was very keen to present it all. But uh the longer they are, the greater the opportunity for me to get my tongue in the way and and mispronounce things. So fortunately I can edit some of that out. So Namali, you did ask me, you did say to me that you prefer to be called Nimu, and I’ll have to remember that. Apologies if I do call you Namali again through the through the podcast. But Nimu, you are my first guest on the Secure Start podcast from Sri Lanka. Um I’m wondering if in the first instance, if you could tell us a little bit about the out-of-home care system in Sri Lanka.

Nimmu: 6:20

Okay, thank you so much, and I’m really happy to be here. So I will directly go into the answer. So, what I really feel like uh the system aftercare of the children who are leaving of the children’s homes. So currently we have 3563 children’s homes in Sri Lanka, so more than 9,191 children are residents in there. So uh I was uh uh a child who uh I think uh before 20 years, I was a child in child development centers because we are calling child development centers, not the CCI, like a child care institution. We are calling as a CDC. So in our CDCs, there is a system like um we after we uh turn out to 18, that’s we have to live. Uh I think it’s the global things that’s happening. But uh when it comes to Sri Lanka perspective, like uh for in our 12th, grade 12th means it’s a 13 years after study, uh we will reach out to 19, our age will be 19. So there the CDCs, CCI, which you are expecting, like they are not asking us to leave. If we are studying, they are not asking us to leave, and until 19 or 20, uh, if we are studying, that we can stay there. So after care, like when we leave, sometimes it can be after 15 years, sometimes it can be after 18 years or 19 years, because the 15 years is the age that the Sri Lankan children who set for the first ordinary level examination. Most of the children who are get past marks, they can sit for the another advanced level examination. Those who can’t afford for get them higher marks for that education system, they must leave the CDC. Because they are not uh most of the children are not getting the second chance to appear, second appear, which I got, but some institutions they are not getting the chance to do. So it means like most of the time, the 15 years or 16 years or so the age that the children are leaving the childcare institution. So when it’s come to uh aftercare, so there is no actually when I was there, so there were no actually the proper system to go out and have like not proper preparation for them, like a psychological support or financial uh training, or it can be like any vocational training. So it was not happened earlier, but currently, which is happening, like it’s already happening here currently. But the thing was that when I was there, there were no much um awareness on that how we can how we should go outside and how we should uh like uh deal with the people in the society because we just depended when we were in the child development centers. So we are hoping that someone will take care of us after we go out of the care. So it was the earlier system that uh children you must leave after 18 or after 19 or after 15 once they have done completed their education. So it can be the way that government is supporting to the uh youth, uh finding a job opportunities, or sometimes they used to get married, or sometimes they used to get like a vocational training, but where there are hostel facilities. The thing is that I was really wondering since that, like are they really going for their interesting because sometimes they like they would like to be uh become a uh a fashionable designer, but there will be uh courses uh only they are having the hostel facility, it’s gonna be the nurse, so they have to uh take out their dreams out and they should go there. So it’s something like that is happening, and uh the current time it’s uh we will speak in later, so it’s definitely changes, but the thing was that earlier it was like there were no proper system to go out, and that was the um aftercare uh aftercare things that what happened in Sri Lanka.

Colby: 10:12

Yeah, yeah. So you’ve got um the perspective of when you were in care um some years ago and and you you’re working in the care sector now. While you were speaking, I was just wondering was there a mix of development centers and foster care or foster home, or or was were children in care primarily in those development centers?

Nimmu: 10:37

Yeah, we we we have only this uh because we are not implementing foster care system now, it’s it’s still in Sri Lanka. So we have only child development centers, adaptation. So as an alternative, we have adoption and child development centers and the kinship care. So first is not still there, but uh currently it’s uh like in the on the process.

Colby: 10:56

In the process, yeah. And I I I nearly did the maths in my head and and gave it up pretty quickly. But um, what would you say is the kind of average number of children who are in each development center?

Nimmu: 11:12

Uh most of the time, some child development centers they have 22, 25.

Colby: 11:18

Yep.

Nimmu: 11:18

So we have the separation, like uh for girls there is separation, one for boys there’s a separation. So from these three, five, six uh children’s homes, there are 43 government-run child development centers. Others all are from the volunteer organization than NGOs.

Colby: 11:33

Yeah, yeah. And in the current system, what what do you think works well in Sri Lanka, the current out-of-home care system?

Nimmu: 11:44

Yeah, I’m so happy uh to share that uh uh as you know that uh the children who are leaving the child development centers, they really need the two uh place to stay. The housing issues, education support, and also the psychological support, uh, the financial support, these are the things that really uh want for the after care support as aftercare support. So, what currently uh the Sri Lankan government has taken uh forward to include the care leavers, we are calling as the carelivers. So include the care levers into their budget, and they have been taken forward to support the carelivers, like example, uh they are given two million per care lever, so it means the thousand to the thousand care levers to build a house or purchase a house or uh uh do uh uh like uh purchase a land or uh to rebuild their houses and all damages houses and all. So the government are paying two million rupees per car lever. So the system uh it’s going on, like the selecting the car leavers and uh uh getting the information of the carelivers that everything is currently happened, and also they are supporting for the children who are living in CDC uh the with the 5,000 Sri Lankan rupees, which goes direct to the uh child’s accounts, so it will be 2,000 for child’s account and 3,000 for their uh dairy expenses and all. So these things is currently happening, and also apart from that, uh the government is trying to implement an other alternative care options uh the other than the children’s going into the institutional care.

Colby: 13:18

I hope I heard you right. But did you say that the government that the government grant of 2 million rupees is that sufficient to buy a house or is it sufficient to um put down a deposit to buy a house as such?Nimmu: 13:36

Uh for me, like uh the children who like uh for the car leavers, uh they always try to uh uh have in their own homes. They they it’s something like to me also, I also want to have a kind of a home, my own house. So the car levers are really happy on that. And uh, but the thing is that we leave that uh work properly because there are systems like there are criteria that select in the car livers, like uh age uh 18 to 30, 18 to 40 years. But the thing was that I have heard like after even after 40 years, even 40 to 45 years, they don’t have any place to stay and all. So they are asking for that. Uh why we are not getting uh support and all. So I think that the equality is really uh not happening there.

Colby: 14:27

So we had a little bit of a technical issue there, but um, I was interested in the generosity of the Sri Lankan government to to offer those grants to carelivers that effectively give them an opportunity to have a have a home. And um I just wonder, Nimu, before we move on, um what what is the what’s it like for children growing up in the development centers there in Sri Lanka?

Nimmu: 14:58

Uh it’s totally different when I was the child development centers because it was almost 20 years back, the story, like more than 15 years. So uh the situation is uh really increasing uh with a positive way, to be honest, because uh uh the things that uh things and the uh most opportunities the children are getting in child development centers are uh getting increased. Like uh when we were in there, like there were no much proper awareness, or there were not uh kind of uh uh training or something, so it was not there much properly, but now they are have they are having kind of a care plan for the children, and there is there are also uh a lot of opportunities, the fun activities, and there are a lot of uh picnics going on. So uh all the people used to get understand about the children who are living in CDCs. To be honest, that when we were there, so most of the time people used to talk about like talk about us like uh orphan girls, orphan children, and all. But the word of orphan using in Sri Lanka, some people are using, but most of the people know that they are not the orphan. So these things are also uh differently in Sri Lanka, and apart from that, the children living in CCI, everyone is attending the schools and everyone is getting support for the education system, and those who are not uh ready to take forward the formal education, most of them are getting the informal education within the center until the court uh get the decision, until the court gives the decision to go them on out of the care out of the care. So these are the things that what’s going on uh currently in the CDC.

Colby: 16:39

You said that the children don’t identify uh or aren’t identified as being orphans any longer. Um what what do you think, how do you think that change is experienced by the children? How do they experience that?

Nimmu: 16:56

Yeah, you know, like uh with the uh like uh when there are a lot of group of children, group of friends of mine that uh sometimes if they call me as uh like my children’s home’s name, not with my name, but they are calling as a child that who are grow uh with our name of our institution. So that feels called and feel really painful, but at that time it was just uh just a word, but when we grow up, we that trauma is triggering, like we feel like oh they they didn’t talk about from my name, they just talk about with my institution name. So this is something really painful thing for the children who are living in centers, and also uh the most most probably what I can see the difference is like uh the current in the current situation in Sri Lanka, the most of the uh teachers in the schools are young, so uh most of the young group they’re really close with the children, so that means they are getting uh much uh closer to the children who are living in the CCI, and there is no any uh like a discrimination between the children who are coming out from coming from the home and coming from the CDCs. So, because of this case, uh the children are living happily in the school, but in somehow there there might be, and I know that there are a little bit of um things is happening, thing incidents is going happening, uh, that still uh the children are getting that name as often, sometimes because every children in the CDCs is not um uh well uh trying to well get well education because they are some most of the children they don’t like to get uh formal education, they want to go uh go outside and they want to earn money and they want to be in the independent. So and the thing is also as I mentioned that earlier when I was there, it was actually uh the orphan children was there, like there is no one to care, no visitation, no one to see. But currently 79% of uh children they have the parents, at least a single parent, at least one mother of parents. So they want to go outside not to be in the CDCs, and they they they feel like they have the family, but then why I am in the CDC? So they are not trying to get their education, they just want to escape from CDC and work and join with the family. So the main thing I think that that’s the things, and um the taking of the positive or negative the things that whatever the people are saying to the children in CDCs, it’s depend on their mentality, like the children’s mentality. Like uh the children who are actually totally open, they understood that yeah, yeah, that’s totally fine. Whatever they say, that’s totally fine. I’m okay, I’m okay. The children who are coming out, uh come into the system currently they know that they have parents and why I’m getting I should wear as uh like a bully as orphan. So this is a generation cap pose.

Colby: 19:54

When I was listening to you, I just thought, was thinking to myself how about how strong that uh pull to that that pull is or that tie is to to family for the children growing up and and how how much, you know, regardless I guess of the circumstances that led to them coming into a children’s development centre, in their heart they want to be back with family. Yeah. And do you think um do child do the children feel safe and uh well cared for and loved in the development centers these days, would you say?

Nimmu: 20:39

This is something uh difficult question because I grew up in three child development centers. The reason for that, like in my first child development centers, I have been uh named as the radical character in the center. So, with that case, uh sometimes I got uh rude uh uh behavior from the uh matron. But I know that because we used to meet the child development, various child development centers, uh friends together when it is World Children’s Day. So once a year, all the province uh children will be coming together, and so we used to share our experiences sometimes, like how we see our CDC, because we know that if we did something, so we will be transferred to the another side development center, so we should have keep connected with them. So we used to share our experience and all. So sometimes I heard that when my when it was my eighth time that I was heard that they have beaten sometimes, they used to do so much of work and they have to do do uh sometimes they are using for their personal things and all. So they have a lot of things is going on. But when it comes to children to get to know about their rights and they they get to know about their uh protection, they should uh what what what’s their rights and all? So they used to fight it out. So it’s uh become like uh some incidence has become uh uh the the decrease a decrease in the incidence. With the bad uh bad incidents. But currently there is a proper maintenance system. So but still, I’m saying that still there are some child development centers. The children are getting um badly treated. But most pro mostly, most of the children’s homes are going well and the treated well because now they are hiring the matrons, not the matrons, the mothers. So means like the love is the main thing to change the children’s life in child CDC. So I can go, I can definitely say there’s a both the side. The negative thing is happening, positive things also happening. So it’s everywhere is that, but the thing is that how much it’s affected the children’s mind.

Colby: 22:44

I do want to ask you about that in a moment, but I just wanted to confirm it’s my ob my observation listening to you that um there has been a lot of progress in with in terms of um um the experience of of children who are cared for in the development centers even over the last 15 years since you you were there.

Nimmu: 23:09

Yeah, that’s definitely true. It’s totally has been totally different. Like they to be honest, like example, uh when I was in CCI, it was the time that I have to be appear in the court so many times, the per year, at least two to three times. Even I have to try uh go with the police officers and with the prison bus and all, but now it’s already uh change, like they are having the video recording room, so there will be only one time uh they’re asking for the evidence, and then there are officially they have a vehicle to travel, uh uh take here and there with the children. So everything has been changed. That’s really fine because I uh as a person that who grew up in there, that I definitely want to see everything is growing up, not the things that uh should have same thing happen should not happen, but I was experienced.

Colby: 23:56

What what has driven that change, Nimu? What what has kind of um been some really uh influential factors in in driving this improvement in development centers?

Nimmu: 24:12

Yeah, to be honest, like uh the ex as I mentioned that the experience, what I have gained as a negative side, I’d never wanted to give it to the other, my other generation. That I know that we are trying to do like uh decrease the number of the children’s uh child development centers in Sri Lanka or in everywhere. I think everyone used to uh everyone is thinking on that, but I’m pretty sure that it’s not going to be happening like at least there will be at least there will be uh less number of children’s homes there, definitely, because we can’t totally uh get destroyed all the uh child development centers because uh there are a lot of children who really support those who need this kind of shelter because I either we get uh negative positive parts, or there are things that the children can be get educated within the centers, so it should be those who can’t really go for the uh kinship care or the adoption or um to the foster care or anywhere, so there should be a place to stay. So I think uh what I was interested mostly uh to protect the children who come into the child development centers because I don’t want children to come in into child development centers, and I just want to strengthen family strengthening because they everything is go coming and everything is happening within the family. So if we can strengthen families so we can do the awareness in the family, if we can support the family, it can be the financial, it can be the economics, it can be the uh like uh kind of uh uh so there can be various situations, like most probably in Sri Lanka now divorce cases has been increased. So the effect on the divorce case uh going to the children. So the par both the parents are not okay to take the child on their custody, so they are going to the child development center. So I think these incidents, this kind of topic that uh influenced me to go out and talk about these things. That yeah, and uh as Asian country, you know that we are very close to the family members, like the parents and all. We culturally we are connected to each other. So the most touched part is that if we can touch the heart of the parents, that it can be uh they can be together as a family. So, what I am doing currently as in getting to that, and I’m currently doing the the things that I feel like this is the best thing that doing the awareness and talking about my stories and sharing my stories, and then asking them not to send child into the child development center. Keep as much as you can with yourself.

Colby: 26:46

Yeah. If I can summarize, um advocacy by people like yourself has has been a real driver for change. You’ve been advocating for maintaining family connection and strengthening families. The preference is not for children to go into development centres, but the reality is that there will always be children who uh need to be in a development centre. Yeah. There will always need to be development centres. So I guess the challenge is to um advocate for the best possible care while the young people are there in those development centres. There will always be children in a residential care environment, and what we need to do is one, recognize that for some children that is the best place for them to be for a period of time, and two, ensure that they have the best care possible while they’re there.

Nimmu: 27:48

That’s definitely true. I also feel like uh uh the either it’s a family, either it’s a child development center, either it’s an adoption, or any other forms of like a post-op kinship. Where is the best place for the children? Children should be there.

Colby: 28:04

Yep, absolutely. And and so the children’s placement should not be determined by what the system can manage. It it should be determined by what is what is in the best interest of the child. And we need so we need care options. The system or the out-of-home care system always needs options for children and young people. Another thing you mentioned in there was um talking about leaving care and issues around psychological support. This is something actually that I’m that is very close to my heart at the moment because I work uh primarily as a psychotherapist with children and young people, most of whom are in out-of-home care. And each year some of them turn 18 and leave care. And so that support that they had that was funded by the local child protection authorities for me to work with them comes to an end, and we have to find other avenues to maintain that support, um, which aren’t not always the same. So I think I was just wondering, you you raised it in in Sri Lanka. What would you say is the kind of cycle the psychological support or psychosocial support that is on offer to children in care? And then what what does happen to them when to that when they do transition from care?

Nimmu: 29:38

Yeah, uh, this is something really important thing because uh uh the either they are tour children in the child development centers, their psychologically, their mentally, they are totally different for each one to each other. So within this uh period of time when they are in CCI, uh CDCs, and uh they they are getting counselor support, like uh where but the thing is that is that really on time because sometimes when they get aggressive, they used to call for the counselor, and that time they will be uh that uh time uh very comfort level to her, but after that, might be in the two to three months or four four months, they come visit and again. So I don’t know uh is that the the uh uh best things to do the counseling for the children because every children is coming from the traumatic family, some because some most most of the some sometimes can be the domestic violence family and also their aggressive behavior because of that case. So it’s not should be the counseling and psychological support only for the children who are living in CDC, also for the matrons, also for the caregivers should be there. Other than like like I think like um if we only give the psychological support to the children who are living in CDCs, uh it’s not going to be work. So when it comes to the uh aftercare, like uh leaving the care of the children, so if you if they are not prepared, like the mental is not prepared uh to go out, most of the children they are not prepared. Look at like when you are in the 15 years of your age, you are celebrating your birthday very uh happy, might be very happy. But the children who are living in CDCs, when they come to 15, they are just thinking that not their birthday to where I will go after three years, where I will go after one year. So that’s the starting point of their uh mentality going down. I feel like at the age of 15, there should be psychological support, there should be mentally prepared them already to go outside. And I think it’s not wait until the 15 years of old, but the counselor or psycho psychiatric or psychological support can give before the 15 years, and they there can be start the preparation for the children to go out, so then they know that how to uh deal with the people, how to stay in their by own their own feet, and they know how to uh deal with any kind of people and everything. So I have seen some organizations in Sri Lanka kind of emerge or so. They are little kind of organizations that they are giving support, especially uh the self-defense, as to the girls, especially. Because uh you know that when we go outside in the because when we even series, the children are not getting exposed to the outside society, especially for going on the bus, going into the market, going to the bank or anything. So without knowing anything, that when they go outside, so if someone is like jagging their in the bus, they got afraid, they are not raised their voice. But if they learn how to defend on that, so it will not uh make them uh like uh uncomfortable because even that small thing also uh can be effective to their mentality. So I think before go out, these all the children, there should be proper psychiatric support, psychiatric, uh even the mentality, make especially to make their mentality uh think that yes, I am now ready, I am okay to go outside. Uh, that’s the definite thing because you know, like most of the children who are going out of the care they don’t have proper birth certificate, they don’t have proper identification, they don’t have a proper place to stay. So there are a lot of things that should be prepared and go outside, otherwise, they are going to be definitely again going to be the uh helpless children.

Colby: 33:29

Yeah, so I I guess what I’m hearing is that um one important aspect of the out-of-home care sector that could be improved is is the psychological support for the children, uh including supporting their psychological readiness to transition from the CDCs into independence. And um I thought w when you were mentioning it earlier that you said something about that that reflected that um when they leave whatever support that was offered just comes to an end or or or um uh diminishes in some way. Is that was I right in understanding that that that that it’s not only that you have to move on from home and you and you and you’re moving on from formal education perhaps, um, but you’re also moving on and you’re you’re moving on from the ha the people that you’ve been living with, but you also uh move move on from or move away from mental health supports for that that help with the preparation for independence. Is that right?

Nimmu: 34:41

Yeah, to be honest, uh for me, like uh when I got uh uh failed in my first exam, attempt of my first attempt of my examination, I was thinking that then now I have to go wherever that they are uh they are telling, but it was not happened. They are asking me to do the repeat examination and then I do did it and I get the pass. So I think the best decision that they have taken is giving me second second chance. So it was a turning point. Then I was moving to the advanced level examination and then I got this scholarship to study in India. So until this period, that I was in the same time, I was happy many times in the courts. So it was really damaging my mind, like thinking that no matter that how much I studied, that I have to be in the court, I have to repeat my cases, which I was it’s really traumatic things. So I was not mentally uh totally uh like uh recover. To be honest, when I writing my um bio autobiography, it stood more than four years to write down because it was almost all the flashback is coming to my mind. So I I I was I wanted to get the psychological support for that while I’m writing this story. So you know that how much it’s hard to remind my childhood memories when I was in um my home, my own biological family. So I think what I got uh through the people that who are surrounding me, it’s uh not 100% the car leavers, to be honest, it’s the teachers most of the time, and also the people who are really um uh supporting me uh and supporting the children who are living in CC that those supporters give me the strength to go out. So, also I think uh my strength was uh especially getting through my uh flashback incidents. Whatever the bad things happen to me, I have taken it as a positive points to go out. So I’m sharing like this my stories to each and everyone. But the thing is that every girls who have this kind of strength they can go out, but those who can’t go out, those who can’t get this strength, who will be looking after them? So it’s better to be the voice for that those kind of voiceless children. So that’s why I think that uh I’m kind of I I I feel like I’m kind of a candle to me. So I’m burning myself, but I’m supporting for others. That’s something that I feel like about myself. But that’s totally fine because uh either I am uh psychologically not uh fully recovered or mentally full not fully recovered. That uh if something’s not happened to the child, same thing happened to me, that’s really something I can be fresh and I can be happy. So it’s make me heal uh when I see someone same uh someone uh going into different ways and they can find their life. So it’s something that I feel uh I’m getting healed to myself.

Colby: 37:47

Yeah, yeah. So um that’s lovely. What I what I’m hearing is that um part of the healing process for you has been purpose, has been the the purpose that you have in your life to uh advocate for and on behalf of other young people young people in care whose voice isn’t often heard. And when you see when you see good outcomes of that uh uh of that advocacy and that support, that that really boosts your own uh well-being. You mentioned earlier that you think that um not only should the children and young people receive support, but also the people who look after them, the teachers, the the the mums in the homes and so on. Um That’s it’s interesting. We’re not because I’ve sp over the last year I’ve spoken to um people from around the world who are involved in um um the provision of residential care for children and young people. And um one of the consistent themes is the need for um for therapeutic input or for input with the people who look after the children and who interact with them uh a lot. And some of that is is about just is about support. It’s also about um support for them, but it’s also about helping them to have a better understanding of the young people in their care and of how to uh care for them uh in the in the most therapeutic way. Just wondering if that that was what you were uh kind of uh suggesting or or or representing when you when you mention support, not only for the children, but also for the adults around them.

Nimmu: 39:48

Yeah, that’s true. Like for me, like I think like uh there should be uh children who so also must be ready to take this uh uh support from outside people because most of sometimes some children they’re really afraid to open up and they’re really afraid to talk about uh with the outside people, especially. Uh, because children who are in the centers they lost their trust with their own biological family members, so they are thinking about how to uh get how to believe other people. So I think um the people who are going into the CDC and the people who are really wanting to support uh with the psychological support of the children, I think they should understand the mind of the children, and before they should study the children’s and then they can uh reach out because most of the children are not uh going to uh hear everything, whatever the psychological support are given. So sometimes they might be they’re interested in getting kind of activities and they might be getting kind of uh I think video recording or something. They they they like to have kind of it’s kind of a cartoon type. There are a lot of ways. Uh so like example, like when I was um even the 25ers, uh, my uh one of my uh working places, they have me, they they thought that I want a psychiatric support because I used to get angry all the time. So they just sent me into the psychiatric, and she was asked that uh uh I wonder that you are really young, then uh how you why you are getting angry, and also then I told that I’m the one who’s uh really want to have this justice for each and everyone. So when there is injustice, I used to get angry, so that’s a normal thing. But uh psychiatric was asking me to get the treatment like tablets, taking tablets. So that’s not the thing that for me, like within the first day they asked if they ask him for the take the tablets, that’s time also I’m getting angry. So I think it’s better to understand and uh having kind of a uh pre uh getting pre-information about the children that before they go for the logical support. That’s really important thing, I think.

Colby: 41:54

Yeah, I think what you’re uh part of what you’re also saying, and which others have mentioned it before, is that um um you don’t have to well, in fact, one of my previous guests, Megan Corcran, said you don’t have to be a therapist to uh provide a therapeutic experience for a child.

Nimmu: 42:16

Most of the yeah, because most of the children who are leaving the CDC, they they are not 100% need of the psychological support. They really need the kind kindness, attention, and the love and care.

Colby: 42:27

Yeah.

Nimmu: 42:28

If you can give these four things, they’re definitely automatically they will be mentally healed.

Colby: 42:33

Yeah, yeah. Now I know a great passion of yours is is is the careless like yourself. Um, what what is what’s the current situation? Um, you’ve mentioned uh the grants, the grants that they get to to purchase land or purchase a house and kind of set themselves up. Um what what other support uh systems and organizations are in place for carelivers now in in Sri Lanka?

Nimmu: 43:03

Yeah, for the carelivers like uh myself from 2017, we started and co-founded this care leavers network of generation never gives us. So we are as the care levers, we are supporting for the carelivers uh to finding out uh job opportunities and we are giving the psychological support through and the legal support and higher education support and everything. We are just as a group, we are supporting. So we have in the GNG network more than 500 care levers already registered. And in the same time, on 2025, I have been um started and co-founded uh another care lever’s network, which is fully focused uh with the psych uh with the um job opportunities, finding the job opportunities for the care levers. That’s the same thing, and the trusted place and the hostel facilities and everything. So we are 15 children uh care leavers who came together and built up this network. Uh, and we are on the way, we are just calling each and every companies, and we are getting their Vacancies and we are just giving to the preparation department, and we are uh placed the child into the uh job opportunities after 18 or 19. So these are the things that as a carelavers, what we are doing. So apart from that, there are a few NGOs in Sri Lanka, few CSOs in Sri Lanka that they are taking the care of the children, so like caregivers, they are giving the facilities for the carelivers to stay there until they get independent and all. So we also have a kind of a uh plan to uh build a transistent uh home. It’s kind of a home, not a hostel, transistent hostel, like uh to stay there until they get find out uh the best place to go. Uh like uh once they are started their uh career, they can pay to their place where they are, and then we can uh spend that money to another child who comes coming into this uh coming out from the system. So we am planning kind of a build up the this transition home. So there will be facilitation for all the carelivers that it’s not kind of a against, it’s kind of a home for them. They can stay there and they can go for the work, they can go for the universities to the studies and everything, and they can come back because now they can think that oh now they are I have a place to come back. So they they can come there and while they are earning, they can pay for the light bills, the water bills, and electricity, everything they can pay by their safe, and in the same time, we are hoping to give the uh them IT knowledge and the uh reading skill and life skill and the yoga therapy. This everything we are just having kind of in our mind, and now we are having also so the proposals, these items, and we are making the proposal and we are trying to get with the funds, and then we will start this process also for the car levers. It’s for the car leavers from care levers. So, this is also something what we are doing. So, apart from that, yes, the government is now focusing on that the care levers support for the car leavers, especially. Uh, the uh they are going to address the about the documentation issues because most of the car levers they have probable age certificate other than national birth certificate. So, probable age certificate is there is a lot of blank, they don’t have any birthday, they have only the birth year, so which really affect the mentality of the child in in uh after the leave. Also, most of the care leavers they don’t have identity, like they don’t have vote to the uh like in the elections because uh they don’t have proper ID in the their identity car where they have put in address, they don’t have home to put in address. So these issues are also going to be addressed soon within the government system. Now there is a discussion is ongoing. So I’m happy as a care leavers in Sri Lanka, we are really strong and we are used to government level, we are used to in the uh like a private sectors in GOS and INGO. So we are dealing with all of them. Uh so we we expect that the children who are coming out of the system in recently in the after after 2010, yeah, uh I came as of 2010. So I think after 2010, when 2017, as we uh started this advocacy, I think it has changed a lot, and uh there are a lot to change, and also I feel like for most of the care levers uh really happy to support for each car leavers, each other leavers, not the national level, so international level also we are raised this sub-advocacy work, and we are getting support from the people and we seek continuous support because uh there are a lot of children who uh lost their education, higher education without the financial support. So, as a car lever, by myself, I used to have find uh so many donors and all, and I just give this uh child information, and they used to get uh appoint in the schools and uh sorry, education in the universities. So there are there are a lot of children who get support from me. It’s not actually my money because I’m not a kind of a person who rich with money, but I personally believe that I can support them with other people’s uh around me. So there are a lot of children who are studying in the university with our support. So I’m proud of that of that, and also I’m proud that as a careliver, so now there are a lot of carelivers come out and they are speaking about their rights and whatever they want. So it started with actually myself that I have been speaking about my whole story, so with through my autobiography and also through social media and the TV channels and everything. So people get to know about most of the people they don’t know that the children who are living in CDC should leave after 18 years. So the question what I was asking the uh uh interviewer, I was used to asked that either you ever ask your child to go out when they turn out 18. If not, why the children who are living in CDC should go out. I because they even they don’t have anyone to care. So if they go out, also there should be continuous support at least until they stand by their own feet. Because the children are uh like everyone is thinking that children are the future of their country. So it’s they should be careful about that. I think it’s happening now, and I think that there should be more more because we we always think that more is more we need, no. So I think uh it should be happened more and more, and I believe that the children who are coming out of the system, the problems that we what we have faced, it will be not happened to them very soon.

Colby: 49:28

That’s inspirational. And um as you were talking, I was just I was thinking about carelivers even here in my own local jurisdiction, and um um I do have some plans. I’m going to re um I’m not talking about them until uh after I’m a little bit further along, but um let’s just say I I’m similarly concerned in my own jurisdiction about certain aspects of of the ongoing care and support that that get lost when they turn 18. And as you as you say, we wouldn’t we don’t normally expect children to be independent, whether they’re in a Western country or an Asian country uh like there in Sri Lanka. We we we don’t expect our children to be out standing on their own two feet independently at 18, and especially when they when when they’ve had troubles in their life um uh as as they’ve grown up. So I tell you what, it sounds fantastic and uh like you’ve achieved a lot. And I guess there would be listeners to this podcast who would be thinking, if only we could get namali to come and advocate in our country, or or if only we could bottle what what she bottle up what she’s been able to uh achieve and uh and kind of have that here in in our country. So um there are examples around the world where carelaver support is really good, but there’s a lot of examples where it’s it’s not in so-called first world countries.

Nimmu: 51:12

Yeah, no, I I mean like that’s true because I used to meet um so many countries, care leavers, and we I we used to have a chat and we used to have kind of a cafe and we used to have a discussion about what’s ongoing in their country, what’s going on our country, so it’s can’t be Western or European or in the Asian. So we are coming together. So it’s really something like um I feel like the most of the care leavers in the all of the country, all of the like globally, now they are getting really strength to come out and talk about. I think the attitude is getting uh really positive because the change in the mind of the peoples, the attitude of the people is a really difficult thing, you know, every country is so. But I think that uh when coming not coming as a one person, it’s coming as a group, it’s really a lot of effect. So I think that as a global Kalivers, I I’m one of a member of the Global Calibur’s Committee and National Kalivers Committee. So we always talking about these issues and we are taking all uh this into the advocacy world. And now I feel like the topic is Kalivers is going uh beyond than other topics. So it’s really something really great thing because uh now people know that what system is happening, what’s not happening, and what should be done. But it’s really something really great that we care came out.

Colby: 52:28

Yeah. And and what what is happening is that um the voice of children who previously, children and young people who previously didn’t have a voice, is being heard. And it really takes um it takes people like you. I think you described yourself um as some something of a disruptor as you were growing up in in the home that you were in. Uh it takes someone like you, I think, who’s got a bit of a bit of drive and a bit of strength and even a bit of and and passion for fairness, for for the rights of of young people um who uses their voice to to um create change and be a change maker.

Nimmu: 53:13

So what’s definitely true?

Colby: 53:15

Yeah, yeah.

Nimmu: 53:16

I also just want to those people who really wanted to see about the what the system is doing and what’s really happened and what’s ongoing and how I became kind of an advocate, uh, they can definitely read my book, whatever I can fit in Amazon also, so people can read it out, and then they can really understand more and more that because uh there are a lot of things that what I didn’t speak out, but everything is in my book.

Colby: 53:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, and that was a deliberate plan for me. I I don’t I I didn’t want you to relive your your whole history here uh on the podcast, but yeah. Thanks. Thank you again, Nimu, for for coming on, and uh I look forward to hearing more uh in the years ahead about the accomplishments that you um that you have and and that your networks have in this in this space.

Nimmu: 54:11

Thank you so much for inviting me. So, because uh at last I want to say that um people like you that’s taking this kind of topic in out that’s really make different for without you knowing that you are making the so much of uh positive impact for the children who are leaving the child development centers. Because uh, if at least one single person who listened to you are one, so they will understand that what’s really going on. So that’s the things that we don’t want like a thousand or two thousand people to get involved, but at least a single person to get uh involved and move forward, that’s really important thing for us. So, thank you for taking us and thank you for giving that much honors for the car leavers uh to invite for your broadcast. It’s really mean to us, and I will be the only uh one person who is there today, but there are a lot of care leavers who stand there by their own feet and living very happily their life. So I I bit uh so I wish that all the car leavers will be definitely uh get healed from their traumatic life, and they will be definitely be happy and talk uh in front of Mike or in front of uh everyone is not should not talk in front of my by Mike, but within their life, they will be definitely happy with the people’s support like you. Thank you so much for inviting this podcast.

Colby: 55:33

Thank you.

More about Nimmu:

Affectionately known as Nimmu, Nimali is a care leaver from Sri Lanka who spent over a decade in institutional care. She holds a degree in Journalism, Advertising, and Mass Communication from NIILM University in India, along with additional qualifications in criminal investigation, psychology, and social sciences. She has worked as a still photographer and costume designer for the Indian film DREAMZ in 2013.

Nimali has represented Sri Lanka as a speaker at numerous international conferences, including  those focused on child protection and women’s rights in Nepal (2017), and the BICON International Conference in India in 2018 and 2021, in Nepal in 2023, and Malaysia in 2025. Recently, Nimali spoke at the 35th FICE International Conference in Croatia (2024).

In 2024, Nimali was honoured as a Young Change-Maker by the UN Ambassador and Neon Media. She is an active member of the Global Care Leavers Committee and member of the Care Leaders Council. She represented South Asian care leavers in the UN Resolution Focused Group (2019). She completed the Justice-Based Approach Foundation Course at United Edge, USA (2021).

Since 2021, Nimali has appeared on various TV programs discussing her life experiences and has become a social media influencer. Drawing from her lived experiences, she is a passionate advocate for children’s rights and alternative care. 

Nimali’s work focuses on reuniting orphaned children with their families and ensuring they have access to education and employment opportunities. She worked for one of the largest NGOs, Sarvodaya, for 10 years and later for the Egyptian Embassy. Currently, she is employed at Their Future Today in both the UK and Sri Lanka, is registered as an Alternative family and foster care manager, and leads the foster care program, ensuring that children grow up in safe, loving families.

Inspired by her own 15 years in orphanages, Nimali co-founded the Asian First Care Leavers 

Network, Generation Never Give Up, in 2017. She also cofounded and currently works as Director of Rise Together Care Leavers leading network. 

Nimali recently launched her autobiography ‘The Caged Girl: A Journey To justice’’ & 

‘’Dumburu Pathok ‘’ in Sinhala.

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Links:

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Podcast Blog Site: https://thesecurestartpodcast.com/
Secure Start Site: https://securestart.com.au/

Disclaimer:

Information reported by guests of this podcast is assumed to be accurate as stated. Podcast owner Colby Pearce is not responsible for any error of facts presented by podcast guests. In addition, unless otherwise specified, opinions expressed by guests of this podcast may not reflect those of the podcast owner, Colby Pearce. Finally, all references to case examples are anonymised to the extent that the actual case could not be identified, or are fictional but based on real-life examples for illustrative purposes.

Truth First: Caring Beyond The System – A Podcast interview with Louise Allen

Louise Allen shares powerful insights into care leaver voice, identity, belonging and systemic reform. We discuss trauma, hope, and what genuinely improves outcomes for young people after care. Authentic, challenging and full of lived-experience wisdom.

Truth First: Caring Beyond The System

The conversation opens with a quiet kind of fire: a creative child who became an adult unwilling to walk past injustice. Louise Allen traces how identity is broken and remade in the care system, starting with forced adoption, secrecy, and prejudice that rewrites a child’s story before they can speak. She points to a simple principle that echoes through trauma research and everyday life: children read faces, not forms. A warm gaze, a steady presence, and a smile that means it are more powerful than any policy. The difference between being documented and being seen is the difference between surviving and becoming. In a sector addicted to paperwork, she asks us to put dignity back into each line of text and each moment of care.

What lands hardest is her insistence on truth. She names the layers of dishonesty that creep in: parents threatened by services, children protecting parents, foster carers fearing allegations, and professionals guarding their positions. The result is a record that often fails the child. Louise reframes practice with human clarity: say the answer the child is carrying, not another question they have to endure. Put a photo of the child in meetings so adults remember who is missing from the room. Write logs to the child, not about the child, because they will read them. These are not soft gestures; they are structural fixes for a culture that forgets its purpose. Dignity, not detail, is the bedrock of therapeutic care.

Louise’s stories about dogs bring the science of attachment to life. Contact comfort beats cold compliance. A dog that curls up on a lap or cries for help at the right moment can lower arousal, interrupt self-harm, and offer non-judgmental presence that many adults struggle to sustain. She’s seen dogs act as quiet co-therapists, sensing when to stay, when to get help, and when to simply be warm and heavy in a child’s arms. This is Harlow’s lesson without the lab: safety is felt, not filed. If schools and services greeted young people with genuine warmth, many refusals and ruptures would soften before they harden. Body language, tone, and welcome matter. Train for them.

Her writing life started with a “misery memoir” she wasn’t allowed to make funny, then expanded into the Thrown Away Children series that tells real stories with grit and humour. She writes for foster carers too, because the role is treated like domestic labour while demanding clinical-level skill. Minimum standards won’t raise outcomes; maximum care does. That means training that respects complexity, contracts that recognise the work, and leaders who listen to those doing the night shifts. Foster care isn’t babysitting; it’s relational craftsmanship under pressure. When carers are silenced, children lose.

Spark Sisterhood began with a bag of groceries and red velvet cakes delivered to girls who had just left residential care. The “cliff edge” was brutal: isolation, inconsistent allowances, addictions funded in placement and unfunded after, fear of leaving the flat, no routine, no trust. Spark’s answer is practical and kind: life skills, first aid, real cooking, self-defence, image confidence, employment law, and a bridge to industries that pay—construction, engineering, and tech. Care-to-Career matches young women with apprenticeships and work experience, not as charity, but as an on-ramp to dignity, agency, and wages that break the poverty cycle.

Threaded through is one recurring truth: one good adult can tilt a life toward hope. Sometimes it is a neighbour with jokes and a garden; other times it is a foster carer who bakes, smiles, and writes logs like letters. The system counts hours, but children count moments. Louise’s challenge is simple and tough: tell the truth, keep the child in the room even when they aren’t there, and choose warmth over control. When adults do that, the care system begins to look less like a maze and more like a path.

You can listen to the podcast here:

You can watch the podcast here:

About Louise:

Louise is the award-winning author behind the bestselling Thrown Away Children series. Her stories draw from the lived experiences of being part of a foster family. Her brand-new series, Slave Girls, continues her mission to share the real, often unheard stories of children and young people—with courage, honesty, and hope.
 
Through Spark Sisterhood, Louise is building a community where girls from care are met with friendship and essential life and employment skills, and where they are encouraged to believe in themselves and their futures. One of the charity’s most exciting projects is Care to Career, a two-week programme that offers girls jobs, apprenticeships and work experience by working with employers. The programme supports young women aged 18–25. It’s about more than just finding a job, which they do, it’s about creating space for young women to thrive.
 
At the heart of everything Louise does is a belief in the power of real-life stories. Through the marketing agency, Louise, she helps founders, charities, and mission-led companies connect more deeply with their audiences through branding, content, and campaigns that are built with empathy and purpose. Whether it’s supporting a small charity or reshaping how we talk about foster care, Louise brings clarity, heart, and strategy to every project.
 
Having grown up in care and now fostering children herself, Louise understands the care system from the inside out; she has a unique 360? understanding. She is a respected and leading voice. Her work is now focused on changing the conversation around fostering in the UK by challenging the fear-led culture, the lack of collaboration between agencies, and the reliance on legislation to drive change. Instead, she’s advocating for honest dialogue, practical solutions, and a shared commitment to putting children and carers first.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Louise: 0:05

And I began to use creativity as a way of thinking and a way of working. And sometimes you get drawn to these things because you just can’t live with the injustices that go on. And if you see it and you know it, you can’t walk past it. That man saved my life. So again, the other thing I would say is things aren’t always what you think they are. The people on paper who were meant to be really good and kind and the puppy were not. The people next door who were poor, who uh were a bit rough on the edges, I guess, were the kindest people I met. I have to absolutely believe it. If we put the children leave, genuinely, genuinely hot fellow, actually with a bit green, fellows, will all the green, and the children. I wanted to be very happy on a dream. Somebody who smiled with the simple gonna eat me. But just someone who’s a child. It’s all in the face. That’s all I wanted. It wasn’t about money, it wasn’t about material things, it was about that feeling that you were with an adult that looked at you with kindness in their eyes because it was in the heart. And children read that instantly. So I think most of the work we do could be helped if we worked on ourselves first minimum. Why aren’t they maximally? No one ever tells the truth in this world. It’s layers of eyes. The parents don’t tell the truth because they’re in a position of failure and threat from the children’s social care. The children don’t tell the truth because they’re loyalties to their parents. Uh, and they say a lot of what they think people want to hear because they’re used to it. Foster carers don’t tell the truth because they’re terrified of obligation. Social workers don’t tell the truth because they fear that they might lose the foster carer. Yet no one is telling the truth. So I thought, wouldn’t it be fun just to tell the truth?

Colby: 2:23

Hello and welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pierce, and joining me for this episode is an inspirational UK-based foster carer, author, artist, and champion of post-care support for young women. Before we begin, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the lands that I come to you from, the Ghana people of the Adelaide Plains, and acknowledge the continuing connection the living Ghana people feel to land, waters, culture, and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging. My guest this episode is Louise Allen. Louise is the award-winning author behind the best-selling thrown away children series. Her stories draw from the lived experiences of being part of a foster family. Her brand new series, Slave Girls, continues her mission to share the real, often unheard stories of children and young people with courage, honesty, and hope. Through Spark Sisterhood, Louise is building a community where girls from care are met with friendship, an essential life and employment skills, and where they are encouraged to believe in themselves and in their futures. One of the charity’s most exciting projects is Care to Career, a two-week program that offers girls jobs, apprenticeships, and work experience by working with employers. The program supports young women aged 18 to 25. It is about more than just finding a job, which they do. It’s about creating a space for young women to thrive. At the heart of everything Louise does is a belief in the power of real life stories. Through the marketing agency Louise, she helps founders, charities, and mission-led companies connect more deeply with their audiences through branding, content, and campaigns that are built with empathy and purpose. Whether it’s supporting a small charity or reshaping how we talk about foster care, Louise brings clarity, heart, and strategy to every project. Having grown up in care and now fostering children herself, Louise understands the care system from the inside out. She has a unique 360-degree understanding. She is a respected and leading voice. Her work is now focused on changing the conversation around fostering in the UK by challenging the fear-led culture, the lack of collaboration between agencies, and the reliance on legislation to drive change. Instead, she’s advocating for honest dialogue, practical solutions, and a shared commitment to putting children and carers first. Welcome, Louise.

Louise: 5:44

Hello, Colby. Thank you so much. That was was that me you were talking about?

Colby: 5:50

Well, of course it was. And I know that that uh from our uh conversations already, that’s only part of the story, and maybe we’ll we’ll get into that um a little bit more as as we go through the podcast. And uh thankfully, it being late in the day and me tripping over my tongue, I can edit those bits out um in the in the final product. Um, but I just wanted perhaps just to kick us off, Louise. Is there anything that you would add to that um that bio?

Louise: 6:24

Um the only thing I would kind of not add but uh highlight because I think it’s important uh to explain why someone like me would become so committed to the work I do. And and I do feel like it’s sometimes it’s accidental. It wasn’t I was quite happy working in fashion and art, floating around, wafting, having a lovely time, but um it felt incredibly um trivial and sometimes uh not very important when in the back of my mind, my own experiences of the care system, because I was in care from before I was born, um it kind of didn’t halt my creative career, it kind of changed it. And I began to use creativity as a way of thinking and a way of working, and sometimes you get drawn to these things because you just can’t live with the injustices that go on, and if you see it and you know it, you can’t walk past it. You just can’t. So when I found out about my own understanding of myself, I because you you you don’t know your own past until you gather all your evidence and lay it out in front of you, and even then there are holes. Is that um, if I can briefly say from the pro, because I always find this a bit of a shocker, not to me, but people to understand my father was a man in his 30s who was on his second marriage with children. My mother was 12 years old when she met him, or he met her. My father was a serial paedophile, and I found out as I got older. Now that changes the way you think about things because when I say to people my father was a paedophile, they think that it was me that he was having sex with, it wasn’t, it was my mother. So I have a kind of I talk about child abuse a bit like I’m having a cup of tea and a piece of cake because it’s my world that I live in. So that’s the only thing I’d like to say is a kind of disclaimer to why you know I do I bother so much and I care so much.

Colby: 8:28

Yeah, you you’ve touched a bit on that and and your motivation. Um, is there anything else that you would say about where this motive motivation comes from and what continues to motivate you in the the various endeavors that you are engaged in?

Louise: 8:46

I think the motivation, I think you you’re kind of born with it. I I kind of came into the world fighting for the underdog, um, not even realizing I was also one of the underdogs. Um, and I think I saw a lot of pain. I heard a lot of stories. I had a an adoptive mother and foster mothers that always overshared. So I was kind of burdened with their uh knowledge uh about the world. And I you kind of when you’re a child and you get that level of you know, your optics are like that, and you know those stories, you have a huge sense of responsibility, and sometimes it felt too much, but I I’m I’m creative, so I would turn that into something that would work with me. But I’ve always been very aware of how other people feel, and I think that’s my motivation. I can’t, I don’t like people around me being sad or lost or hurt, it bothers me dearly.

Colby: 9:48

So, in some ways, the relief of suffering is is has been a prime motivator for you.

Louise: 9:55

Absolutely, Colby. I’m gonna have to stop one of my dogs is howling. I’m gonna go and shut the door.

Colby: 10:03

We have a shared interest in dogs. You shared a story about how dogs have been uh lifelong friends and companions for you.

Louise: 10:19

Dogs to me are are um to me, they’re the most uh beautiful creatures I can think of. I absolutely love their souls and find them so forgiving for what we do to them. And when I was uh a child, in in my first well, in every single book, I it occurred to me that I was writing as much about my dogs as I was about me. So wherever when when I was in care and when I was at places or at new foster places, or wherever I was, I would find a dog and I would sit with the dog and befriend the dog. And and and at my most saddest times in my life, I found I’m sitting next to a dog, and it was uh I I I just love them dearly. I had a dog that um my adoptive mother got rid of because she got jealous of the devotion I had to the dog, and I came home from school and she just had it put down. And that kind of of all the things she had done to me, and she’d done some pretty horrendous things, that hardened me to the point where I could not, I I knew it was just a matter of time till I left. But she did some horrendous things, but she got my dog killed because she didn’t like the fact I was up ever six o’clock every morning walking it around a university parks in Oxford, and I love my dog’s company, and I still do.

Colby: 11:49

I’ve got two, and I was actually looking at a uh dog rescue last night, just sort of trying to convince my husband that we can have another one, and of course, we’re having this conversation because we just had to have a temporary interlude while you went in um and and did something for one of your dogs, yeah. Who’s having a very uh unnatural experience at the moment?

Louise: 12:14

Yeah, she’s having a fancy pregnancy and she surrounded herself with uh the children’s shoes thinking they’re puppies.

Colby: 12:21

Oh dear, poor thing. Yeah, you yeah, so um you you mentioned your adoptive uh parent and you you you indicated that you um you had foster foster mums as well. Um so I guess from um from my perspective and probably from the perspective of our listeners, they would be really keen to hear about what you think um i i is important for foster carers to know and do in that role in consideration of your your experience of having been um cared for by them and and being a foster parent themselves uh yourself now.

Louise: 13:11

Uh yeah, and I thank you for that. That’s a really important question. And and and probably the the the work I find myself doing, uh consciously or unconsciously, is trying to to unravel that to spare the pain um of the the foster carers, the doctors, and mostly the children and the communities around them, because we don’t do this on our own. We have family and we have neighbors and we have friends that all buy into what our affections are. So my my experience of being in care before I was born um was because of my mother’s age, because she was at school. I was then a forced adoption. Um in England there was a prolific amount of us being adopted. Now I I have often wondered whether that’s connected to the late 60s, to to whether the it was a misuse or no use of the pill and the the kind of culture going on in the background of free love and sex and all the rest of it and misunderstanding. In our case, in my mother’s case, sheer exploitation by a man that was clearly a predator. Um and so you you you there’s a dishonesty, I think, that uh uh underpins uh what what we are because when you are adopted or fostered, the first thing you that happens to you is your identity is changed and you lose your identity. Now, my birth mother, even though I had spoken to her throughout my life, I only found out two years ago that she’s Italian. I had no idea why I was olive. I was told I might be Greek, and you realize that that people, the most important thing is to get the facts right, and if you don’t have the absolute correct facts about identity, about family, and don’t say them, don’t guess, leave the gaps because we can fill them in later. And with the digital world now, we can access stuff on ancestry and so on quite quickly. I think me, I was called manufactured. Um, I was adopted by um a woman on my in my paperwork, which I have in a cupboard over there, uh, should never have adopted children, but she had adopted another child child before me and was under the spotlight for um serious child abuse, but then she was allowed to adopt me two years later. I was originally fostered. Because I think um of the prejudice at the time, I think they knew who my father was. Um he was quite he was uh I met him, he was not a nice person at all. Um and I think they uh my birth plan, not my birth plan, my care plan, the first thing on it was this child must be baptized. So I think the fact I was illegitimate, I was the result of uh uh uh uh because it paedophilia, they would have then I would imagine they would have blamed a girl for her uh behaviour. Um I I would imagine that I was very olive. Well, I faded a bit now, but when I was a child I was uh very dark. Um and I think I had the the the the all the the red flags for sort of devout deep prejudice and racism. So I kind of um was I was I was sort of binned off quite early, and I think I had a sense of that, and then I was um I don’t, you know, you end up becoming when you are a foster child or an adopted child, and you know that you are living with someone else’s family, the the hardest thing is trying to understand your own identity. Then you get to a stage which I got to when I discovered punk when I was a teenager, where you just think, well, I’ll create my own identity, and my identity at that point was angry, creative, and sort of a bit wild. But when I was a child, I remember always feeling that there were conversations and whispers that I was not party to that were about me. When my um uh uh I was introduced to my birth mother because my adopted mother was trying to bin me off quite quickly because she’d had enough of us, and I was an incredibly quiet child. And I think the first thing that we need to understand when we uh work with children from trauma, or we’re giving it to them on a daily basis, is that please watch out for the quiet ones, the shy ones, the quiet ones. We go unnoticed, and so my uh other adopted brother was taken away from me. We used to cling to each other, it was just I came downstairs and he was gone. I just saw a car leaving and he was put into residential care. So I’d lost my ally. I had a uh an Irish navy, and if you don’t know what a navy is, they were they were brought over as cheap labor to build the roads and the railways, and he lived in the caravan in the orchard next door with some um evacuees from World War II, so Polish people. Um, and I used to sneak over there into the caravan for food and company, and I ended up becoming my greatest friend was an Irishman from County Court who lived in a caravan, drank Guinness, and used to protect me. If you read that back, small child in a caravan alone with an Irishman in his 60s and 70s, you would you would be alive. That man saved my life. So, again, the other thing I would say is things aren’t always what you think they are. The people on paper who were meant to be really good and kind and and look after me were not. The people next door who were poor, who uh were a bit rough round the edges, I guess, were the kindest people I met. And learned and and kept he knew what was going on, but he he he kind of created created a magical space for me where I could be a child, and he taught and he had that wonderful Irish humour. So he taught me to laugh as well. So I’m grateful. So what would I say? I’d say you know, things aren’t always what you think they are, and people definitely aren’t always who they seem, and when it comes to trying to do life story work, it’s never the truth, it will never be the truth until we decide it’s the truth and the truth that we can live with. So it’s um, and you learn so many bad things, you know, and and people are embarrassed of us. My adopted mum would introduce me if I’d done well at something, oh, this is my adopted daughter, then then literally blow on her nails and and brush her lapel like it was all her work. You know, you kind of you you you you’re you’re uh you you’re appeasing a lot of people if you’re quiet and shy. And then if you were like my adopted brother, he went through it like a bull in a china shop because he didn’t know what to do with all his emotions. Either way, you’re punished, either way it’s a struggle. But now I’m a foster carer and I have long-term placement, so that’s like you know, a bit like adoption, but much more social work intervention. I’d say that um the most important thing is the truth, and the truth will always do because we find out later. And I’ve and I’ve been, and if someone like me approaches a relative, a birth relative, or somebody from the past, it’s not like the TV shows. We don’t throw our arms around each other and go, Oh my god, you’ll just look at your nose, it’s just like mine. You don’t do that. What you do is you you get a sense that they’re looking at you thinking, What do you want? And people have met relatives who have said to me, I haven’t got any money. But it’s you you’re always seen as the other, you know. If you look, we very rarely get put in wills, and and you know, we we’re not financially taken care of. So I would ask anyone who does it to have a real think about what they why they’re doing it. Is is it to replace something they’ve lost, a child they’ve lost, or a child they’ve never had, because you’re just about to adopt or foster a unique universe that has the whole energy, and your job is to find it and to help them accept their own energy because they’re fighting, children are constantly exhausted, and I see it with my children. I think I’m quite good at what I do, but I can see it in them that they’re trying to bend and twist and to try and second guess how they can keep you happy to give them space to to do what they need to do. And I just think that we gotta do this better.

Colby: 22:33

So there’s three, I guess three main things that I I took from that, Louise. And if there’s some that I missed that you think are important to to also mention, do so. One the the remo the probably the latter one was the importance of understanding the children in your care. Understanding the depth to which they feel is you you use the word outsiders, um you you I know your books, you talk about throwing away children, you use the language of being binned. Um but that understand the depth to of lack or loss of of a feeling of belonging to everyone. And and the other thing that I think you said in there that was I thought really poignant, and um as it happens, I’m I I was writing questions for uh for upcoming podcast guests about the input the who we with whom I’m gonna I plan to be talking about other adults, you know, adults outside of the foster placement or the residential placement or the kinship placement. And um yeah, so you mentioned the the neighbour who the role of that he played in your life was so significant that you you he said you described him as having saved you. And um yeah, it puts me in mind, this is a theme that comes up quite regularly on our podcast about and and in my professional life as well, just about the vital role that um you know having at least one one good adult in your life who sees you, listens to you, and is there for you, particularly when times are tough. And um we know incidentally from um the study I’m most familiar with was a large-scale Irish study that was completed a bit more than a little bit more than 10 years ago now, but of um 12 to 25 year olds that showed that um and quite a lot, and it was quite a large sample size, but it showed that the children um or the the adults who were able to um report that they’d had someone in their life who saw them, who understood them, who was there for them. The difference for that population in terms of mental health and well-being, physical health and well-being, and and problematic behaviours is significant, yeah, whether you have that or you don’t have that. Yeah. So yeah, I don’t know if I missed any of those significant points in there, but there was getting to know the children, being aware of belonging and the and and how significant that is for young people, and and being aware of how the the the role of just being one good adult, at least one good adult. We of course we want more.

Louise: 25:42

It’s well it I I could do my own little uh uh example is that I myself and uh the adopted other adopted brother who is a bit older than me, we live next door to together next to this orchard, but he didn’t have I I’m always curious and always, you know, and and and there were cats and dogs around, you know, so yeah, it was a given for me. I was gonna get close to those animals. And he didn’t have the he didn’t make the effort, I guess, as a child to crawl through the fence and go and introduce himself. I made the effort several times a week um to crawl for the fence and to smile at people and to and I’m a natural smiler, and I I don’t know whether I became a natural smiler for people to like me so I’d be rescued, or I don’t know, we just did it differently, and I think it’s all down to personality. My adopted brother struggles in life hugely, um, whereas I don’t, and I think that connection I had with Sean, the Irishman, was he didn’t say, How are you? How are you feeling? None of that. It was far more come over here and let’s let’s don’t dig this garden, you know. Let’s let’s you know, let’s do it. He used to let me um he had a comb over, he had a bold head and a comb. He used to wear braces and vests, you know, proper old school. And he would sit there reading the local paper, drinking in his name, plat his comb over and put makeup on it. He was completely at ease with himself, but he was very aware, I found out later, what was going on, and I respect him more now than ever, knowing that he knew and he placated her and he protected me. He didn’t involve me in that discussion or in that world, he didn’t get involved, he protected me, and I appreciate that because I got to have a childhood, I got to, you know, I and I love a gardening because of him, you know. So I’m grateful, and I’m grateful for people that don’t keep saying, Are you alright? What’s going on with you right now? You don’t want you get sick of it as a child.

Colby: 28:02

I look and in my professional life, I I say to people, if you find yourself about to ask a child a question and you think you know what the answer would be, should they give it, don’t ask the question. Say the answer. Say the answer. Because children our children, every time my experience is is when we ask them questions, their experience is what you know, another dumb adult that doesn’t can’t it can’t see, can’t hear, isn’t looking, doesn’t know. But when we when we say the answer, their experience is what finally, someone who who sees me and gets me.

Louise: 28:44

It’s so important that is such a really inspiring and hopeful thing for me to hear because I live with children now who um you know I only we were doing some work the other day, they’re in residential care for three years, and we were uh we we totted up um all the people that this child has had to tell her story to over the last five years, and it was 360 people, 70 care workers, five social workers, managers. Every time she went to AE, it was at least five doctors, nurses, because they never they always go, I want to hear it for myself. It’s like, no, trust, trust the child, therapists, counsellors, teachers, whatever, uh other people. So we came up with the idea that we’re going to make a recording.

Colby: 29:37

Yeah, it’s a good idea.

Kouise: 29:41

Because she I just cannot say it one more time, and then when she refuses to engage and sits at her phone and scrolls and doesn’t engage, they say they get angry with her.

Colby: 29:51

Yeah, yeah. I’ve never insisted that I mean, I’ve been doing working therapeutically. I had a primarily assessment role for the first seven years. Years of my career, and then I gradually did more and more therapy, although I had therapy, psychotherapy clients from the beginning, but 30 years. I’ve never expected a child, I’ve never asked a child to tell their story. Um I think that that’s um re-traumatising. I think I think that children um get more out of a therapeutic encounter from warmth, from understanding, um, from feeling like they’re a person of worth, that they’re good enough, yeah, than yeah, raking over the coals of you know of what’s happened in their life.

Louise: 30:43

And I just think it’s a continuation of abuse when you because to what end are you asking? Because you haven’t read the notes. We got her file, there was just one part of a file, which is 360 pages. This is just for one year of her life, you know, with the rest are coming because she’s soon to be 18. And um, then she asked for another load. Um, and you you when you look at the paperwork that uh uh this is a bit I didn’t say is that as a foster carer and a doctor, you are only ever as good from the beginning as what you have been told and what you know about the child. So when those notes are written, and I I I sat there trying to fight the tears off when I was going through her paperwork just the other evening, because it’s careless, it’s it they don’t even get her name right, they don’t, you know, it is so and they she said, but that didn’t happen, they got that wrong, and you know, so they’re building an identity, a picture of a child that isn’t accurate, which is why I say the truth will always do. If you can’t be the truth and there’s less of it, then hallelujah! Just don’t put stuff in that you’re not sure about and you cannot uh hold to account because they uh it so we’re only ever as good as what we know, and then what what I learned as a foster carer is those referrals, the redactions are you know what is not there is conspicuously loud, and you have to second guess.

Colby: 32:24

Yeah, I think um the word that was coming to me, and I’ve just noticed that I’ve got a nice shadow on my face because the sun is uh uh reflecting off the neighbor’s roof. But um what I um the word that came to me was dignity. Like where is where’s the dignity in for the child in the notes in the the records? I you had me in mind of a young person who complains that every aspect of her life, she’s in a residential placement, but every aspect of her life is documented. Every every what time she got up, what she did for breakfast, rahdy rah. And yeah, and it’s excuse me, Louise, I’m just gonna shut it off. There we go.

Louise: 33:18

There we are. And and that is so important because I when I, you know, was in care, I felt when I ran away at 15 because I just legged it from Oxford to Portsmouth, I got on a train after a horrendous incident of abuse, and I dragged myself three miles to the train station. I got on a train and I was gone. I felt like I’d broken out of prison. And it was liberating, and I worked very hard to make sure that I could earn money not to be anywhere near a social services or a social worker, because by then my trust had gone. So the fact that I’m back in this world much later working with children’s social care, and I see some inspiring social workers, but I read those and I see a lot that I don’t really want to see again. But I see I read the notes with great with great interest. I read I’ve got my own file, and most of it is redactions, and those redactions are not to protect me, they’re to protect themselves, and you diminish more and more and more that you know you you kind of and and and in my um uh file all the way through, I’m hardly mentioned. There’s even a note about you know, a particular thing happened where my adopted mother beaten me so badly, and they went, Oh, I suppose someone better go around and check on Louise, but it’s Friday, I’ve got to go. Can you do it? It was all handwritten before my uh adoption because I was fostered first, because uh so many social workers said, Don’t do it, don’t do it. She must not, this woman must not adopt this child. There are all these handwritten notes saying, please don’t do this from the Guardian Litem from the social workers. And I was still adopted, and I think it was because when you adopt you you you’re one financial burden less for the local authority. And it’s it, and I think what it made me very aware, angry originally, that we matter so little, we matter so little, and you you you see this in decision making now, and and I I am that foster care. I because I do I have this absolute belief that if we put the children’s needs genuinely, genuinely heartfelt, matching with a bit of brain, first, we’ll all agree, and the child will get what they need, but you get all these weird other things going on, careers, politics, you know. Why are children politicized? So you a lot of the the the words around children are lazy, um rude. Uh, I mean, just some of the stuff, and and then you get foster carers, and we have to write logs every week or two weeks. I do two weeks, I do two weeks for any foster carers who are listening. If you write them every week, you’re gonna write about the minutiae. They go up, they clean their teeth, they they who cares? If you write them every three weeks, you forget. So every two weeks for me works out to be about the right, you get you get the right stuff in there, and I always write my logs to my child because it keeps me focused, it keeps me focused on that. I’m not recording their daily activity or then anything negative. What I am doing is I am on the journey with them as long as I can until they read this, and I want them to read that I said, Well, uh, it’s not the child’s name, but say, Sarah, you know, you had a really good day today, and uh, we we got through that bit, you know, with that bit, and I write it in a funny voice, and I use my voice, and I never talk about the the the the whoopsies and the disasters and the and if they abscond, I’ll say, Well, we got your back, that’s great. But I never because they will read it, we never want to be continually reminded of our failures, the failures that were put on us by other people, and I think that that how we write about children is essential. Everybody, doctors, therapists, counselors, you know, teachers, you know, we don’t need to hear the negative, we’re living that negative stuff. I remember it, and I see the children I look after. We you’re living that daily, you don’t need to be reminded, you just need to know that people know that you can you can get through this, and you’ll be great.

Colby: 37:52

Yeah, yeah. And I have a I have a saying that when you get a group of adults in a room, often the first voice that is lost is the child’s voice. And it’s it’s just remarkable how that happens and observing that happening. And I think in our pre-meet, you told me that about putting the photo of the child on the table. Yes, I did it on the table. Yeah.

Louise: 38:16

Yeah, I I and I, you know, you have to be a stage in your life where you really couldn’t give a hoot about what other people think about you. I really don’t care. I generally like I got what I want, got what I need. I don’t need your your validation. But while we were in this meeting, we were it was an online one and they were talking not about the child, they were talking about the child, but not talking about the child and about all the problems it was causing them and the logistics. I just got her photograph and I just whacked it on the screen on camera and went, This is who we’re talking about, and I’m gonna every time you don’t talk about her, I’m gonna put her face up. Yeah, and it and it, you know, and then they were like a little bit shocked, and then they kind of and I said, How can you not? She’s not even here. We’re talking about her, and she’s not here. Do you understand how that feels for her? She knows we’re here, she’s not in the room virtually or the least I can do is remind you who she is, and they and it did change the whole mood of the meeting because suddenly they lightened up. It stopped being about their commissioning and about the the egos and the wars, and I want to further my career because I’ve managed to save 500 pounds this month or whatever, and aren’t I wonderful? Because I really generally don’t care about the adults, I care about the children, and you have when you go in with that attitude at first, it’s like what Gandhi said, didn’t it? When you have when you want something big to happen, when you want to create a change, first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they get angry with you, then you win. And I keep that in my head because I know they go, God, it’s yeah, then they get a bit, you can feel the pursed lips and the and but that’s all about them, not me or the child. All I am doing is reminding them that this human being, this vulnerable, only vulnerable because we have bureaucratically made that child vulnerable on the fact that they were physically and emotionally vulnerable before. So the corporate parent continues the vulnerability, and then they go, and then they get you know, then you get to the conversation with 16 or 18, and you go, right, and off you go then.

Colby: 40:39

Bye. I want to get to you and talk to you a little bit about the Sparte Sisterhood in a in a in a bit, but there’s a couple of other things that uh just something that I want to cover off about what you’ve said so far. There was an e there was a um I refer I refer to this study in my in my writing and um it was published in the mid-1950s under the article titled The Nature of Love. Um and uh Harry Harlow was his name, and he and and he published his study in a very esteemed psychology journal. I think it was in the American Psychologist in 1955, and it was and this is the you may have heard of it, but this is the experiments where they separated infant rhesus monkeys from their mothers um shortly after birth. And what they were they were testing is you know how how important is it to the infant um that they get fed? Um they had mother surrogate, so they have would have a mother surrogate that uh would feed them, but was wrapped in wire, was not warm, was not cuddly, they couldn’t cut it cuddle into it, and it could feed them. But then they they also had a mother surrogate who was wrapped in terry towel and had a a like load behind it, so and it was roughly shaped so that the infant could cling onto it, and it was it was warm, it was soft, and um and and I won’t, I’ll spare you some of the details, but the the long and the short of of it all is how much because they were looking at what are the primary needs of a child, and the primary needs turned out to be as concluded from those studies, were warmth contact to comfort. Whether they feed you or you know, and and I was reflecting on your experience growing, you know, you you I’m sure you were well you may not have been well fed, but but your adoptive.

Louise: 42:44

Well there was a case I had to eat.

Colby: 42:47

Yeah. But um but the kid, yeah, it was that was game changing really for um uh for for thought thinking at that time, that in fact it’s not the fact that the parent feeds and uh the child that is is a primary uh driver for the child orienting to the parent. It’s that they it is that they provide warmth and comfort. And in actual fact, when they frighten these baby monkeys and they had a choice of either going to the mother surrogate that fed them but was just made of wire, or the one that was soft and warm but didn’t feed them, the babies would always go to the soft and warm um uh mother surrogate. So Jessica, you know, I I think about that in terms of the warmth that you undoubtedly experienced with Sean from Sean and um yeah, and and you know, like it’s not it’s not that sophisticated in a way, you know, the the raising and the care of children, it is that um we do provide them with love and comfort and warmth. Yeah, yeah.

Louise: 43:58

And it’s so interesting because every child I’ve looked after, which is over 30 now, um, and and some stay for years and years, is that when they go somewhere else or when they report about back on their residentials or their previous foster carers or whatever. If I can couple that with when when I began fostering and my memories of my own childhood, because I didn’t want to, it was my husband’s idea. I was the most reluctant area you’d find. But you know, I I I absolutely do I love it? I don’t know. You just do it and you don’t think about do I love it or not, because it’s not that kind of uh work. But I wanted to be for my own children, I have two birth children, my stepdaughters when they were young, and all the students because I used to teach in a university. I wanted to be consciously or subconsciously, the the the the very adult that I dreamed I’d had. And what that was was somebody who smiled when they saw me. That simple. Not looked like they were gonna eat me or beat me, but just someone who with warmth, because a child will tell you it’s all in the face, it’s in a split second, and when my children go somewhere, my foster children go somewhere and they refuse to go back, and then the social workers, we’ve spent this money on that, and you have to go, and they’ll say they didn’t make me feel welcome. So it’s all with the initial greet, and every time that you know, and I made sure I worked really hard, and this is why foster care gets mixed up with domestic women’s work, is that even though you know I’m not the greatest and finest baker in the world, but I would half-kill myself to do all my work to make sure that when the children came back from school, the kitchen smelt of of biscuits, and uh the biscuits were warm, and I was there smiling, and just for 10 minutes I’d go, you had a good day, and if they didn’t want to talk, we didn’t, but it was I was always smiling, not like a lunatic, but with utter warmth because I knew that’s what I never that’s all I wanted. It wasn’t about money, it wasn’t about material things, it was about that feeling that you were with an adult that looked at you with kindness in their eyes because it was in their heart, and children read that instantly, you know. And I meet a lot of professionals, and I wouldn’t I wouldn’t want to be left alone with them.

Colby: 46:43

I mean a lot of people in the sector, yeah. The same. I wouldn’t have wouldn’t want my children to to spend time with them.

Louise: 46:51

No, no, so you know, we we don’t, you know, the efficacy that the sense, you know, we don’t pay enough attention as adults to adults, we don’t tell them, you know, when we employ people or when we train people, we don’t say, can you work on your body language, please? Can you work on what your voice sounds like? Can you stop sounding so depressed? Can you can you not make them feel so uncomfortable? Because you will hold a child’s attention, it’s like teachers as well, you know. If you I I have a child with me now that just won’t go to school. Luckily enough, I work from home mostly, so that’s that’s okay. And I never say you’ve got to go to school, because why would you want to go somewhere every day where people treat you badly when you’ve come from a childhood where you were treated badly, and and people don’t understand if they stood there at the door and greeted the young people and said, Hi, so lovely to see you, hi five or whatever. Come on in, it doesn’t matter if you’re two minutes late, rather than you’ve got detention, you’re late, you’re late. Who wants that? So the whole kind of abuse of power, you know. I see it again and again in these stern faces, and children are not stupid by any means. So I think most of the work we do could be helped if we worked on ourselves first.

Colby: 48:32

I I agree, I think that’s a that’s a really fantastic point, and there is a lot of thinking about how we manage the relationship that we bring to the table, how how we manage ourselves when um when we interact with the children. Um look, Louise, there’s lots more that I could talk to you about. But I also I want to cover a couple of other of other things in the time that we have available. I do wonder though, uh, you do you you seem to stick your neck out a little bit on behalf of the children. Who who’s got your back?

Louise: 49:10

Um I’ve got my back. I’ve earned the coverage of my back through through putting my neck out, sticking my neck on, and finding other people that also stick their neck out. And through the years, we have independently and collectively challenged this the the system, the the the the the behaviors, the policies, because unless you you you do create a little bit of disruption and and agitate, nothing will change. And and um I have my back very beautifully covered by uh a number of people. One of them is Sarah Anderson, who uh, for anyone in fostering in the UK or anywhere actually, because I think her her work is pretty global from foster uh foster wiki, which is basically everything you need to know about fostering from law to to minimum standards. Minimum. Why aren’t they maximum standards? Um to quality standards, yeah, quality standards. Why minimum? Why the bare minimum?

Colby: 50:15

Um I’m sure that’s not what min not what Winnicott meant when he talked about good enough parenting.

Louise: 50:21

No, no, exactly. Well, there’s a conversation, isn’t it? You know, oh my goodness. Um, I think I also have my own back because one thing you learn through the care system is resilience, and I’ve learned to to know what to worry about and what not to worry about, and I’m at a stage in life where I’m still standing and I’m still here and I’m still laughing. So I think with age and experience, I I’m more discerning about what I offer my emotional time to. So yeah, a number of things.

Colby: 50:58

Yeah. Um moving on, I just wanted uh you this the books that you’ve written, um I I think people will be very interested to hear more about uh what inspired you to write them and perhaps even a little bit about what what they cover.

Louise: 51:18

Yeah, the thrown away I wrote my own book for thrown away child. That wasn’t my title when you write these books, it was for Simon Schuster. So you write them and then you kind of, you know, things PR and marketing get put in, and they want a nitty-nitty title. And then after I wrote my first book, I was like, I liked writing, but I I wasn’t a writer, and then I had a big gap, and I was thinking, what do I do with my life now? I’ve written a book. So then I started to write about what I know and what I know as a fostering family. Um, and when you are, you know, no one sees your family. It’s a really weird work because you’re kind of divided up and you we hardly see each other as foster carers. Uh, and when we do gather up, we’re always surrounded by social workers who are very keen to keep us on track and not talk about them. So we we we kind of have these fake conversations. But I I wanted to write the books because mainly for my fellow foster carers, because we live in this mad world and we are treated like babysitters, and foster care is intense work. You you have to enjoy learning, you have to be prepared to spend a lot of your time gathering information to tailor it to every child in your home, because there’s no generalization possible for what we do, and I think um I wrote it because we we are treated badly. Uh I think because that some the the the governments all level see what we do as tradition as gendered work, as women’s work, uh, therefore in a lot of people’s minds, including some uh females in in management and so on, we are lesser, we have a lower value. And what amazes me about being a foster carer is that even though I’d worked as an academic, I have lived experience, and I’m reasonably sharp. Um, I’d set up businesses, I’ve already looked after my children, my stepchildren, they’re all alive, you know, it’s all good. I did all that. When you become a foster carer, you doesn’t matter what you bring with you, all your life experience, we’re all treated like we’re just it’s like a processing. You you just get treated like you now, you’ve got to wear a beige cardigan and you don’t have a voice, and now you’re just seen as a domestic person. It’s really weird. And I think when I was uh teaching, I was in a trade union rep because I wanted to know why there was so much bullying going on in my university with academia, full stop, and so I brought with it this kind of uh awareness of uh you know rights, um human rights, workplace rights, you know, whatever. I I brought all that with me, and so that made me really unpopular straight away because I started going, well, what are we then? We’re foster carers, so we you know, we don’t have a contract, we have an agreement, we don’t we don’t get sick pay or pensions, but we’re meant to work like robots 24-7, not not complain. If we do say we’re tired, then you tell us we’ve got compassion fatigue and we’re useless. So you you I really was startled actually when I became a foster carer, I was a bit freaked out, and then I started looking at all my other foster carers, and we come from the most diverse backgrounds, you’ll never meet a more broad demographic than foster carers, but we’re all glued together. Some foster carers naively think that if they you know, if they uh try and impress and befriend the management, they’d be like the favourite child, and we we sit there going, Oh, they’re gonna throw you under the bus, and they do. Um, so I wrote it for foster carers, I wrote it for education because we don’t get very good training. You have a little bit of skills to foster at the start, and then you’re chucked in looking after these little universes with all their issues and all their problems, and all that you don’t know what you’re dealing with because no one ever really tells you what’s going on, and you have to wait for the bureaucracy and all the rest of it. So I wrote it to to share the the more extreme experiences, but the fun as well, you know. And and in my first book, I wasn’t allowed to be funny because it was misery memoir. And I thought that’s not me. I do like a laugh, thank you, Sean. My lovely Irishman, and taught me to laugh. And most things are funny if you look for it. So I started writing the books about our our life. So my husband, my sons, the dogs always in there, um, and the children that come into our lives, into our home, and and all that goes with it, that their families, you know, how they ended up in care, because they don’t just appear from from space and land in care. There’s a whole backstory, there’s intergenerational trauma, there’s poverty, there’s uh all sorts of issues that bring children into care, and and and then the external world that doesn’t know about the care system thinks they’re naughty children. So you kind I uh I wrote it, I never thought I’d get published. I’m on my 20th now. Um, and it’s uh they they go down, but they they’re uh I I I I seem to a lot of Australian people seem to read my books. Thank you very much. But it’s a bit of a it’s just a real story to la isn’t it? It’s love. I I I tell about all the naughty stuff, you know, like when the social workers are coming, we hide all the wine. Oh dear, yeah, and all that stuff because we’re real people, and like sometimes on a Friday after a big week with the children, a bottle of wine will do nicely, thank you very much. But you can’t, you know, you see you live this old, you know, no one ever tells the truth in this world, it’s layers of lies. The parents don’t tell the truth because they’re they’re in the position of failure and threat from children’s social care. The children don’t tell the truth because they’re loyalties to their parents, uh, and they say a lot of what they think people want to hear because they’re used to it. Foster carers don’t tell the truth because they’re terrified of allegation, the social workers don’t tell the truth because they fear that they might lose the foster carer. Yeah, no one is telling the truth. So I thought, wouldn’t it be fun just to tell the truth?

Colby: 57:57

It’s uh it it sounds inspirational.

Louise: 58:01

Um, and a lot of reggae going on as well, because I I’m always listening to reggae in my studio, so that’s quite funny as well.

Colby: 58:09

Yeah, and you’re an artist as well. Yeah, you’re an artist, and uh you obviously paint regularly. I see I see uh some of your offerings on LinkedIn. Yeah, sponsor me LinkedIn. Uh but yes, there is that, and you know, you you mentioned dogs, the dogs again there, and what I the other thing I really wanted to say when I was telling that ghastly story earlier about Harley, Harla, Harlow and his monkeys. So it’s it’s just about how their preference for warmth and contact comfort rather than food or um you know whoever feeds them, and that’s something that dogs are very good at. They’re very good at, and uh, we don’t have a dog at the moment. My dog died a couple of years ago, my most recent dog. Yeah, and you you feel that lack.

Louise: 59:00

Um, it’s horrible. It’s you know, you start throwing bits of food on the floor, don’t you? And you think, well, why am I doing that? Because there’s no dog not that we should feed dogs at the table, but the um the dogs uh are essential for the work that I do at home. Without the dogs, I could not be uh anywhere near, and I don’t think they get praised enough. You know, they know when to go and sit on a lap and they don’t say anything. They got your back. I’ve got your back.

Colby: 59:31

Yeah.

Louise: 59:32

And I had a child who was a prolific, prolific self-harmer, and I used to leave one of my dogs in their room. Because you have to sleep, you know, sleep is the most valuable thing a foster care can have. And the dog used to come in and wake me up when when they were cutting. When it got too bad, when they were getting close to an archery or something. And I used to to go in and my dog would would all they would cry. If a child cries, the dog will let me know and come and get me. And I find the um it sometimes they make me just cry because they’re just so beautiful, the dogs, and they um they reach children in ways that you know I’ve got one at the moment, I’ve got a small dog who’s a Jack Russell Chihuahua, and this particular child carries. I was gonna get them a kind of uh papoose because they carry the dog around, and the dog the the the front legs on their shoulders and they just stare at each other all the time. I think and that it the dog is giving the love but taking away the pain, and you can see this beautiful cycle. So I could not do the work without dogs. No, I want more dogs.

Colby: 1:00:52

I wondered if I’d like dogs again, but um, yeah, at the moment my children are working on that.

Louise: 1:01:00

One of them has yeah, they’re campaign campaigning.

Colby: 1:01:03

Yeah, well, one of them’s got his own dog, so yeah, and we’re we’re grandparents to the dogysitting rights. Um you tell tell us a little bit about Spark Sisterhood. Because I think um I think you you and I are both completely on the same page as uh you know Aberdeen um people in this sector about just just the the awful circumstances that can befall young people post-care.

Louise: 1:01:37

Yeah, it’s the cliff edge, isn’t it? It really is. Um the last thing I needed to do three years ago was set up a charity. But I’d been into a residential home the year before uh as a guest to do some art and do some uh work with the as uh as someone from the care system. And I, you know, I was talking to a group of girls and they’re all about 15, and I’d say, what and I was quite naive, you know, even though I think I I I get it covered, and then I realize I still don’t know how this system works. And I’d be saying, What are you gonna do? Are you going to college? Are you going to this? Are you going to that? They get a little shrug, you know, that teenage shrug. And I go, Oh, okay. And then, you know, life goes on and whatever. And then one by one, after a few months, they were contacting me on social media. And it’d be, hello Louise, how are you? And I go, hi, darling. But my mum bit would go, What’s going on for you? Where are you? And then I found out that there was about eight girls that had been not bonded, but bonded by circumstance and environment, uh, in residential for a few years, who were now all completely separated. And they were living in uh independent living accommodation, which varied from a tent to luxurious, to being in an unregulated home, looked felt very much like it was run by county lines. And if if you haven’t got county lines in Australia, what it is, it’s criminal, criminal gangs trafficking girls and boys using mainly uh uh children to move drugs and it’s slave labor, which is what my books are about. Um, and it’s all it worked through phone lines, so it’s not train lines as my hairdresser thought, it’s uh phone lines, and it’s a sheer exploitation of children and and our uh we haven’t got the the government and the police services do not have the support uh the resources, thank you, previous governments, to to deal with it, so it’s sheer blatant exploitation, and so I was listening to them, and then you know, you do that thing like oh god’s sake. So I remembered that they all liked red velvet cake because I used to take it in, so I got all their postcodes, I put them in my sat nav, and I went to the shop and I got a carrier bag of food and feminine supplies. I just assumed they need them, and on top of each bag I put a uh a red velvet cake, and I drove round to see them all, and it was one of the most heartbreaking things I’ve done because you know, for whatever you say about children in care, they have they have dignity when they need it, and that dignity presents itself as politeness, and that politeness is um a kind of it scares me because it means that they have no, they don’t feel that they have any agency or autonomy, they just silent. And these girls I went to see uh put on uh an insane amount of weight. That was the first thing I noticed, but obviously never said, and I then I’d get to the bottom, they’re too scared to leave their accommodation, they didn’t know how to get on buses because they had been driven everywhere in residential. They were heartbroken because in care, it doesn’t matter how many carers they had, they were told that they were loved, and then when they left, that love disappeared. So now they’d recognize that that love to be paid love for them to say it and totally hollow, and it left them re-traumatized because they’d left they had the rejection of their own families and leaving and having to go into care, and then they so big things that no one thinks about the none of them had really been kept in contact with, they were in isolation, they’d been split up, and this is interesting. Each local authority gave them a different allowance, so some are on £50 a week, which would you know, buy maybe a lunch out for two, and some are on £70 a week. So there’s complete inconsistency. Whilst they were in care, in residential care, they were having their hair done, their nails done, they had clothes allowances, they were going on holidays, you know, everything was blissfully lovely, and then it all stopped. So they didn’t know what to do, but they had developed vape and smoking habits, which were funded by the local uh by the residential home just to keep them quiet, but no one actually so they had developed addictions, so their money went on fags, cigarettes, and vapes before they got fed. And the food they bought was so cheap and nasty that that that’s why they’d put on the weight and they weren’t getting any exercise because they were terrified to go anywhere, they were terrified of the people in the next room. So it was awful. So then I started the charity because I felt that they weren’t going into education. I’d say, why you why are you not going to college? And then when you look at a college timetable, it’s erratic. It’s like, you know, you go in 10 on a Monday, nine on a Tuesday, two on a Wednesday. What they were craving was consistency, what they were craving was routine, what they were craving was validation that they’re okay, not a reminder that they were different. So they couldn’t make friends at college because they had no, they weren’t going to bring them back to their weird accommodation, they didn’t have the money to join in and go to the cinema and go bowling and go out to the pub and do all the normal stuff. They just didn’t know how to do that, and they were probably also being exploited because they, you know, they are so vulnerable because the exploiters of gangs and so on see them and then know they need money and friendship, and they offer another version of family, which is totally corrupt and dangerous. So I set the charity up because of them, and I set it up, and uh first of all, it was a mentorship, and then I and I backed away from that completely because the women that are in business that were quite powerful and I thought could help them were terrifying, and and they would have no relationship. And I knew that they would the girls would turn up because they thought they were awful, and you know, it’s all about those skills that we talked about earlier about welcoming, about non-judgment, and about you know, it’s an art, and not many people have it. So I set up a charity, and I’ve been doing um uh proof of concepts and pilots for nearly uh 18 months now, where we test projects to get the girls’ uh life skills, like teaching them first aid. Uh, we get image consultants in top chefs teaching them about cheap, wonderful food, how to cook. Um, we get uh I’ve got martial arts experts coming in to help them protect themselves both physically, verbally, emotionally. Um, and then we link them up with industry. I’m my main uh drive is to get as many girls into construction, engineering, and tech. That’s where the money is. Because the option, the career options of girls from care are hairdressing, manicurists, care workers for the elderly, or care workers for infants. Now I’m a bit cautious about the care work because they’re still so close to their own trauma, and the others will never get them out of poverty, none of those careers will get them out of the cycle of poverty, and some of them are third generation poverty of unemployment, so it’s working, and I set up a CIC as well to for boys. We have here NEETS, which is not in education, employment, or training, and we’ve got over a million, and it’s not acceptable, it’s not acceptable, and we have uh post-Brexit, we have a lot of really good businesses desperate for workers in the hotel and catering industries in agriculture, and so I’m kind of matching them up, but I have to get the girls and now the boys as well through another project ready to work because you can’t expect employers to lean and bend all the way to meet them and then go into the workplace and disrupt or not know what to do. So we’re teaching them about employment law, we’re teaching them about efficacy, we’re teaching literally how to shake a hand, how to stand straight. We’re doing all the stuff that should have been done if you have a parent that is paying attention. So that’s a charity, it’s growing and growing. I’m just having a round table in London, hopefully with some big, big names, to see how we can do motivational work with them and attract more funding. But yeah, it was an accident like everything I do, Colby. I I don’t mean to, I just end up doing it.

Colby: 1:11:01

I fall into it, yeah.

Louise: 1:11:02

I fall into it.

Colby: 1:11:04

That’s actually been quite a common theme on this podcast. Um generally speaking, the best the best way it’s been put was the the wonderful Peter Wilson, you know, 85 or 86-year-old um uh child and adolescent psychotherapist saying life is a a sequence of serendipities, yeah.

Louise: 1:11:26

Where you just fall into the right, you’re in the right place at the right time to do and uh because it’s so good to hear that because I don’t I always say I don’t have a career, I’ve just been careering around.

Colby: 1:11:40

I don’t know how you get time to do it all, Louise. Where does the time come from? You want a different time scale to the rest of us?

Louise: 1:11:48

I think I’ve to be honest with you, I’ve been working paid work since I was nine, ten. I’ve always had side hustles, I’ve always been pretty focused because I I wanted to get out of poverty, I wanted to get out of care, I wanted to be financially independent because I remember Jermaine Greer, I remember listening on Woman’s hour at the age of like 13. I just caught it saying, Women, to have independence, you must have your own money and that, you know. So it’s like property, what was it, property uh jewelry and something else. I remember thinking I’ve got to get all that because I don’t want to be owned by anyone, I don’t want to ask permission to buy shoes. So I was very determined, and and you can’t make any of this happen from sitting around.

Colby: 1:12:35

Fair enough.

Louise: 1:12:36

No, I knew it was gonna be hard work. Now, if I don’t do anything, I just sleep.

Colby: 1:12:42

Well, maybe that’s the only time you’re not doing something is when you are asleep. Yeah, yeah. Well, look, it’s been wonderful to have you on. It’s been a I think hopefully a really inspiring chat um for and and just a a reminder um to people to remember the humanity of our least fortunate um yeah, uh our least fortunate members of the community. You you and Sarah Anderson have a podcast. Um I I just thought I’d mention that. Um you can you can just as a plug, you can uh say the name of it.

Louise: 1:13:26

Thank you so much. Yes, Sarah Anderson and I are probably the the the most uh uh seasoned campaigners for for foster children and foster carers. You know, we got your backs, and we’ve just launched a podcast called Foster Care Uncovered, the truth from the front line. And we’re getting, you know, some prolific people on there, social work, academics, child uh child psychologists, everything you need about fostering, because without foster carers, there is no fostering, and we want to recruit and look after them.

Colby: 1:14:06

Wonderful. Well, thanks again, Louise, and uh I hope to that we can have another conversation another time, keep in touch.

Louise: 1:14:16

Yeah, and maybe by then you’d have got a dog.

Colby: 1:14:21

Well, uh maybe maybe one of my sons has got um, yeah. Well, maybe maybe we’ve got three dogs, but they they live with my son, so probably more likely to be a company if you think the body is.

Louise: 1:14:41

Thank you so much to have me on Colby, it’s been a delight. Thank you.

Relearning Trust Through Relationships – A Podcast Interview with John Turberville

Join John Turberville as we unpack residential childcare reform, trauma-informed leadership, the role of culture, and what truly supports children to heal and flourish in out-of-home care. Insightful, honest, and deeply relevant for carers, educators and leaders.

Relearning Trust Through Relationships

Residential care is often framed as the last stop, the place you turn to when everything else has failed. This conversation challenges that reflex. John Turberville, CEO of the Mulberry Bush, lays out a humane, evidence-informed case for residential care as a placement of choice for children whose lives have been marked by trauma, rupture and repeated breakdowns. He traces his path from business into therapeutic childcare and explains how mentors, reflective practice and a clear psychodynamic approach shaped a charity that now stretches from its residential school to outreach, consulting and training. The anchor is simple but demanding: relationships first, because repair happens in safe, predictable, attuned relationships that children can actually feel.

A powerful thread is the role of family. Rather than treating the child in isolation, Mulberry Bush commits to working with birth, adoptive and foster families through therapy, peer groups and even residential family weekends. The aim is honest: build capacity, reduce shame, and create real pathways for step-down into stable home life when safe and possible. John describes the reality of term-time and 52?week care, the complexities of holidays, and the constant balance between modelling good care and avoiding competition with families. Alumni stories cut through rhetoric; adults return decades later saying the warmth, structure and belonging they felt taught them the “boundaries of life” and helped them become parents who can love well.

Why group care? Because the difficulties show up in groups—families, classrooms, communities—and that is where the work belongs. For some children, especially those who find family placements overwhelming or triggering, small, therapeutic residential homes provide the containment and relational density needed to rebuild trust. The episode unpacks how solo placements can stabilise acute crises, yet reintegration into group living matters for social learning. We hear of a seven-year-old with over 50 foster breakdowns; expecting another family try would likely entrench shame. In such cases, high-quality residential care across childhood is not failure—it’s a fit.

The conversation also faces the policy and practice headwinds. Staff need emotional resilience, reflective spaces, strong training, and permission to innovate. One-size-fits-all programmes do not work for children who do not fit the mould. Yet regulation can provoke fear that stifles creativity, pushing staff toward screens and paperwork instead of children. John advocates a healthier balance: clear standards for safety, coupled with trust in skilled teams to adapt, experiment and respond to complex need. If we get it right for the most vulnerable, we get it right for everyone.

Finally, the theme that ties it all together is belonging. Whether through a 38?week or 52?week home, a peer group, or a family network, Mulberry Bush builds a felt sense of safety and community. Alumni say the site looks different now, but it feels the same: people who listen deeply, boundaries held with care, and a culture of reflective practice. That aura—accessible, understanding, responsive, attuned—helps children relearn the world as somewhere they can trust, and themselves as people who matter. For systems chasing placement stability and better outcomes, the lesson is clear: invest in relationships, embed family work, back your staff, and make space for creativity to breathe.

You can listen to the full episode here:

You can watch here:

About John:

John is the Chief Executive Officer of The Mulberry Bush, a national charity dedicated to transforming the lives of people affected by trauma in their childhood. He leads the development & delivery of an integrated range of specialist therapeutic and educational services, with a focus on expanding the charity’s range and reach and ensuring the highest standards across all services — guided by its three core values: Collaborative Working, a Psychodynamic Approach, and a Reflective Culture.

John joined The Mulberry Bush in 1994 after a successful career in business in central London, bringing over three decades of experience in therapeutic practice, with an MA in Therapeutic Childcare and a certificate in Family Therapy. Formerly the School Director and Chief Operating Officer, he became CEO to further develop the charity’s ability to link teaching, research, and practice, aiming to deliver the highest quality services and excellent outcomes.

John is Chair of the Community of Communities Advisory Group at the Royal College of Psychiatrists, supporting quality assurance and accreditation for Therapeutic Communities & Therapeutic Child Care settings in the UK and internationally, and is a Therapeutic Communities (TC) specialist, auditing TC prisons.

John is also Trustee of the National Association of Special Schools (NASS) and Governor of a village primary school, reflecting his commitment to both specialist & mainstream leadership.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Secure Star podcast.

John: 0:05

And I’ve been sort of powerfully reminded by various children that no matter the level of difficulty when they were living at home, and sometimes it’s absolutely right that they don’t live at home, but no matter the level of difficulty, there’s still family and there’s still that very important bond that is there. But there is something about modelling the sorts of relationships that can be achieved and those experiences that can be had so that even if it’s not possible to have those at home, the children can develop a sense of what might be possible. That you have to have children on the experience that he had with the staff team at the moment. And from my family therapy experience, I also think there’s something about the intensity of the sort of family dynamic, which can be very challenging. And so expecting all to be able to sort of work through in the intensity of that sort of familial dynamic family relationship, I think is short-sighted really. I do think the children who get close to large tend to be those who are surrounded by the highest levels of anxiety and levels of anxiety at risk. And what we know of these children is that sort of they don’t fit the ball, if you like. A one-size-fits-all program doesn’t work. We need creativity, we need innovation, we need to trust our staff, we need to ensure that they’re trained and properly supported, and then we need to really trust and encourage this to creativity and innovation. We’ve had lots of girls with a lot of many placement breakdowns. So when I was a health manager, we had a girl placed up in two to seven. And actually had over 50 foster placement breakdowns before the aged to seven. And fundamentally, I think it was unrealistic to expect to give something that looked like that another girl. She firmly believed it was her fault, it didn’t, it was unlovable, nobody could really look after her. So I think for her it probably made absolute sense that she continued in residential care. Whereas for other children, you know, the opportunity to support them, to develop an understanding of what’s going on within the family, to work with the family and reintegrate them, I think is also really important, a great opportunity there. Residential care as a placement of choice, I think is really important. Fundamentally, the things that the children today are generally to do with the importance of relationships and the sort of love and care that they experience.

Colby: 3:50

Before we begin the podcast, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that I come to you from, the Ghana people of the Adelaide Plains, and acknowledge the continuing connection the living Ghana people feel to land, waters, culture, and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present, and emerging. My guest this episode is John Turberville. John is the Chief Executive Officer of the Mulberry Bush, a national charity dedicated to transforming the lives of people affected by trauma in their childhood. He leads the development and delivery of an integrated range of specialist therapeutic and educational services with a focus on expanding the charity’s range and reach and ensuring the highest standards across all services, guided by its three core values a collaborative working, a psychodynamic approach, and a reflective culture. John joined the Moby Bush in 1994 after a successful career in business in central London, bringing over three decades of experience in therapeutic practice with an MA in therapeutic childcare and a certificate in family therapy. Formerly the school director and chief operating officer, he became the CEO to further develop the charity’s ability to link teaching, research, and practice, aiming to deliver the highest quality services and excellent outcomes. John is chair of the Community of Communities Advisory Group at the Royal College of Psychiatrists, supporting quality assurance and accreditation for therapeutic communities and therapeutic childcare settings in the UK and internationally. And is a therapeutic community specialist auditing therapeutic communities prisons. John is also trustee of the National Association of Special Schools and Governor of a Village Primary School, reflecting his commitment to both specialist and mainstream leadership. Welcome, John.

John: 6:24

Thank you. Lovely introduction.

Colby: 6:28

Yeah, well, um, and as I uh generally admit at this point in time, it’ll come it’ll come through lovely and smoothly with the wonders of me being able to go back and edit my little uh uh uh missteps as I was as I was going through the through your bio.

John: 6:47

Yeah, no problem at all. No problem at all.

Colby: 6:50

Now it’s a significant um it’s a significant work history you have, and you’re you’re leading up a um you know a very well-known and dare I say, even somewhat famous organization uh there in the Mulberry Bush. I’m wondering if we might begin by um further to that bio, if you’re just telling us a little bit about your journey to to becoming the CEO of such a highly esteemed organization.

John: 7:25

Yeah, yeah, sure. Thank you. Thanks thanks for reminding me of of of the sort of esteem in which it’s held. I suppose whenever people say that, I always makes me feel slightly sort of intimidated, and I often think of the word of my sort of current role of being sort of stewarding it for a period of time or um, I don’t know, custodian or something like that. But um, yeah, in terms of my journey to CEO, I mean it’s I mean, some of it’s sort of covered in the bio, I suppose, but it’s sort of interesting for me. I think my interest in this sort of field of work really started. Um, it was actually triggered by a documentary I saw once on TV in my teens, which was to do with working with um teenage young offenders and doing sort of outdoor education in in the great outdoors, which was a great passion of mine in my sort of teenage years. Um, and I think from quite an early age, I was quite a sort of fragile child, if you like, and and my parents sort of discouraged me from going straight into this sort of work. They didn’t really think probably that I would be resilient enough, which which I often reflect on. Um, and I ended up going into charter surveying actually in in the West End in London, and I worked for a big sort of professional firm for for five or six years. But in that time, I I worked with a charity in the east end of London called the Stepney Children’s Fund, with who who looked after and worked with similar children who are those placed at the Mulberry Bush, really. And there was a guy who led it called Bob Lavallian, who was just one of these most incredible, sort of inspirational leaders, um, really led from the heart. And um so I was involved in running um camps and weekends um for mostly boys but some girls from East End schools from really, really quite challenging, uh deprived backgrounds. And again, that sort of spiked my passion to do more in this sort of field. And then um I was actually made redundant up in London and ended up thinking, okay, this is a time to make a change in my career, to do really where you know, to follow my passion, I suppose, and my my interest. And I I looked around the country, I visited various sort of schools and settings, and actually ended up at the Mulberry Bush just to come and have a look. I was linked up with Richard Rollinson at the time, who’s who was at that time the the principal of the school. Um, and when I visited, I suppose something just clicked for me. It just felt it felt right. There was something about the place and the sense of community that I intuitively sort of understood. Um, and so I started there as a volunteer uh and then really sort of worked my way through the care side of the organisation. Um, so I became a therapeutic childcare practitioner, then I ran one of the houses for a period of time, probably I don’t know, about six six or seven years. One of the things looking back often, I’m terrible with the dates, so um I often forget the dates, but sort of six or seven years. Um and in that time, that was when I did the MA and Therapeutic Childcare at Reading, which was an amazing course run by um Adrian Ward and Lynn McMahon, and had a reflective group, and it was just inspiring, really. Um so yeah, really enjoyed that course, learnt a huge amount, and realized that sort of my intuitive approach to the work, you know, there were there was a sort of theoretical underpinning and background that it was important to learn. Um after that, I yeah, I I sort of carried on progressing through my role. So I became the head of residential therapy, which was a role at the time, um, down at the school, and was actually I was the first head of residential therapy who wasn’t residential on the site. So prior to me, it was a residential post, and that it felt like we were sort of moving with the times um to move move beyond that, and then became the school director for about 10 years, a post which I really enjoyed. But at that time, the we were really sort of challenged to grow the work of the charity. So at that time it it was the school, and the school working with the children and the families of the children placed at the school, and so the challenge really was to grow the work of the charity, and we developed some other services, um, which I’ll go on maybe to talk about. But um in doing so, we sort of reorganized the leadership structure and set up this post of sort of COO and COO, sorry, chief operating officer and a chief executive officer. And so I became the COO at that time. Um and we really started to develop our sort of range of outreach services, um, working particularly with schools initially and then with social care organizations. And then about three years ago, John Diamond retired, who was the current CEO, and I applied for that that role. Um, and that seemed to make sense in terms of sort of my personal progression through the charity, through the organization. And I still felt and still feel hugely ambitious for the charity. Um, and so the last three years as CEO have really been about sort of developing that role in the work um of the charity more broadly.

Colby: 12:50

You mentioned a couple of people in that, and thank you. Thank you for the the breadth of that that um um that response. You mentioned Richard Rollinson, who I’ve already had uh on the the podcast. Uh was back in the teens, uh might have been about podcast 14, I think, off top of my head. And Adrian Ward, who’s also been ref I haven’t had him on the podcast, but he’s been referenced um by by other people as um having run or delivered a a very um highly thought of um training in therapeutic um therapeutic childcare. Um Richard Rollinson’s a great one for stories. Uh I wonder whether I might spring uh spring on you a uh whether you whether you have a a good little Richard Rollinson story, uh or at least um the impact that he has had on you, your development um uh as a professional and also as a professional within the Mulberry Bush organization.

John: 14:05

Yeah. So my right smile is I’ve got sort of quite a few amusing stories. Maybe I’ll tell you one of those as well.

Colby: 14:11

But in Sunny De Thomas, remember.

John: 14:16

Thank you for reminding me of that. Yeah. Um I I I think I mean Richard was really has been key to my my own sort of progress and development, and that partly was because when I started at the Mulberry Bush, actually it it it was undergoing quite um a radical change, moving from dormitories upstairs and classrooms downstairs, so really everybody living on top of one another, so to speak, um, and building residential houses, and so moving uh as it was termed at the time, move to small group living. Um and because of that sort of program and my experience in surveying up in London, um, and and I suppose I’d like to think maybe something uh about my approach to the work. Richard was really encouraging of me and got me involved quite early on at quite a high level in the organization. I often look back and think that must have felt quite complicated to some, but it really was, it sort of did inspire me. And it I often think of it when I think about newer people coming in and the sort of strengths, knowledge, and the qualities that they bring, and trying to encourage those and sort of capitalise on those. So Rich was absolutely key to me feeling really authorized to have a voice and have a say in the charity, so that felt really, really important. And I think over that period of time there was something about the way that Richard managed that period of change, which was um sort of determined, focused, clear, um, but in some ways gentle as well. And I think that um that feels important at the Mulberry Bush. That I suppose I always have in mind when we’re managing periods of change that you know there are a group of um very sort of vulnerable children placed in that setting, and so we need to manage everything quite really quite carefully. Um, so I think over time, um, what Richard has really the the one phrase that comes to mind actually that I that I raised often in interviews when I’ve had interviews about career progression within the charity has been about think the importance of thinking spaces. Um and I think although Richard um will acknowledge that um he never uses uh uses sort of one word when a hundred would do, um that that uh that actually providing spaces to sort of think and reflect about things is really really important. So I’ve always seen that sort of that’s that’s one of the key um key things for me to remember in all my roles is to provide spaces to think. Um my right smile when you were asking the question was that when I was a Richard’s a singer, I don’t know whether he sang for you on the podcast. Um from listen from thinking back. I don’t think he probably did, but um, and yeah, he loves a story. And when I was the house manager of um I was house manager of Sunset House for a number of years, um Rich Offin used to come in um and he used to always have a song to sing. And one of the songs he used to sing was um it was it was it was called Love Potion Number Nine, which is a very old song, um, and it just used to wind all the kids up, and we used to have to sort of usher him back up back out of the door to just to try and calm the place down again. Um, but yeah, no, an amazing guy, lovely guy. Um, and I still regularly meet with him. He’s on our board of trustees still at the moment, so he still very much is um an important sort of voice for me in terms of the the sort of therapeutic community model and um uh something important about the sort of heritage and legacy that that we carry with us as we continue to develop the the Mulberry Bush.

Colby: 18:03

Yeah, yeah, he he was I I absolutely loved interviewing him and hope to do it do so again soon. Um yeah, a couple of things that he said that have never really um stuck in my mind was um uh was about at the Mulberry Bush children live learn to live with uh with others and with themselves as well. And then the other one was uh and this one came up actually really I was doing some work recently and and it um it reminded me of of what Richard uh said during the podcast, which was about and I’m hoping I’m not gonna butcher it, but it was I can always edit it, of course. Um but it was um if children if children are not on your mind they’ll behave in a way that may uh that puts them in your mind and if they’re neither then they’ll be out of their mind.

John: 19:10

Yeah.

Colby: 19:11

But uh yeah, that really captures so much.

John: 19:17

I think Rich often is able, although he likes lots of words, he he often finds these sort of phrases which do capture something very important. Um and I think one of the things that’s been important to me over the last three years, these three years of CEO, one, and it and it’s again it’s a rich Rollinson phrase, has about been about um the importance of the the equal importance of the the business of treatment and the treatment of the business. Um and and certainly it’s been a key focus for me in the past. I think as a charity, it’s been very focused on on the business of treatment, which of course is you know why it exists and it’s all important, but fundamentally, if you if you don’t get the treatment of the business right, then you’ve got nothing. And so there’s something about that balance over the last three years, which I’ve been trying to ensure as we grow remains a little more equal, um, that we focus on the importance uh of the treatment of the business and make sure the business is solid and sound so that we can deliver high-quality treatment. So, Rich, yeah, he’s he’s great with words. Indeed, he is.

Colby: 20:29

And um while we’re sticking with the the topic of the business, um the Mulberry Bush School, uh, for those who know a little bit of its history, started off um uh as I recall, um back in the 1940s with um Mrs. Mrs. Docker Drysdale and her husband, and she ran something of a nursery school at that at that time. And um and then it’s it’s kind of developed from there. It’s it’s it’s um what is it must be getting on towards 80 odd years that it’s been operating in one form or another. And um and it it it’s more than just a school now. And uh yeah, I’m interested to hear and and how you would um yeah, uh your summary of of um the work that the Mulberry Bush School does in each of its areas of endeavour.

John: 21:31

Yeah, no, sure. Yeah, absolutely. In 1948 was when um when it was founded, um down on the site that’s it’s still on, down in in Stanlake, um, by by Barbadr Drysdale and her husband Stephen. And and in many ways, it’s the work of the school that that remains the source for all we do. So the sort of model of practice developed in the school, the way in which it was thought about and is thought about remains of of key importance to the growth of the charity. Um and really what the the the school still very much runs um many ways as it did, uh, although we’ve sort of adapted and changed over time, modernized, um, and we always look to embrace new thoughts, new ideas, theories, and practice to try and ensure that we remain at the sort of cutting edge of of what’s going on and practices evidence-based. Um, but really it’s been about trying to adapt those that sort of learning, that knowledge, or those sort of golden threads, if you like, um, for different settings. Um, and so back in uh sort of 2011-2012, we we recognized that we needed to try and do more. And actually, the trustees were also sort of challenging us by saying, um, uh if you’re good at what what you do, then you should be reaching more children. You should be trying to do more. Um, and at that time there was a reduction in the behaviour support service for schools in Oxfordshire, and um, so we recruited one of the lead practitioners um for that support service, um, and we set up this thing, it was a sort of working title which stuck at the beginning, which was it was just called Mbox, which just stood for Melbourne Bush, Oxfordshire. Um, and what was interesting was that the the what schools were used to was having a sort of an expert come in and work with an individual so-called sort of problem child. Um, and right from the beginning we decided that’s not what we were going to do. But what we would do is we would go in and we would observe that child in the sort of setting, and then we’d meet with the staff team, and the work would really be about sort of skilling the workforce, so about supporting the workforce in schools to work more effectively with with the the children with the level of challenge. Um and over time that sort of model has grown. So that that still is a sort of key focus. Um, certainly um schools locally across Oxfordshire, we have um quite a team working there, but also um nationally and a little bit internationally. But um so that started off with schools, and at a similarish sort of time, and as I said earlier, I’m not very good with dates, but a similar sort of time we we recognised that the the training we were offering to our own staff, it was the time when government were asking um um staff to complete a level three qualification, and we just felt it was not training our staff to work with the sort of level of complexity um of the children placed at the Mulberry Bush. And so we we accredited a course with the University of the West of England, it’s a level five qualification um in therapeutic at work with children and young people, and we’ve been running that ever since. So I forget the number of the number of the recent cohort, but it’s something like 19th or 20th cohort. Um, so that’s a two-year qualification, and we we um require all of our staff to pass that level five qualification, so that’s a sort of contractual obligation. Um and that has uh led to us also accepting external students onto that course. Um, so that focused us as well as working on schools but working in sort of social care, and we’ve also had um practitioners from fostering organizations placed on that course. And then over the years, that led to the writing of a level four qualification that we’ve been delivering in in one of the local authorities down in the south of the country for the last three or four years now. So that’s ongoing. Um, and then more recently, that was then adapted for youth cust uh a youth custody setting in this country. So it was the first therapeutic secure setting for the country. Um, so we’ve been delivering there. And then more recently, so that’s our sort of outreach. So Mbox morphed into sort of what we called outreach, it became a national teaching school for a period of time when that was a um that was uh something that the govern uh government introduced. Um that became our outreach team, and we have about 11 or 12 staff working in our outreach team at the moment. And then back in 2018, we set up Mulbury Bush Consulting. So we recruited somebody who has been actually the programme manager up at the Royal College of Psychiatrists of the network that I chair, the community communities. Um, and so she has come on board to develop uh organizational consultancy for the Marlbury Bush. Um so our services have really developed over time, and then at a similar time, we took on another site over in Toddington that was uh an archive and study centre called Mulbury Bush Third Space. So the real sort of journey, I suppose, has been developing uh the range and reach of of the charity across schools, social care, um youth custody and prisons and probation. And really the next phase is looking to how we extend those things and um add new uh specialist therapeutic services. So we remain ambitious. It feels like we’re doing an a lot more than we were, but there is a huge amount of need out there, and ultimately we’re a charity um you know here to deliver social purpose and therefore are always looking to meet need. Um yeah.

Colby: 27:30

Yeah. And it’s uh it’s a residential school, um as it at its at its heart. And uh I think in our pre-meet, we we mentioned briefly that I’d uh also had on the podcast Simon Benjamin, who who had worked at the Modern Bush School, and you you um you were yeah undoubtedly there at that time. And I I recall him uh also talking about his role, which was to s um provide outreach to the families while the young people were resident in the school. Um which um coming from you know my jurisdiction that’s I mean we don’t have here in South Australia, we don’t have therapeutic communities like that, where there is one in Victoria, a neighbouring state that I am aware of. Um yeah, but um tell us a little bit of the thinking behind that about having a that outreach to birth family.

John: 28:31

Yeah, sure. So the the work I mean working with families just is uh such central importance really to the work going on down at the school. And and I suppose from when I started, there was a there was there was a connection obviously with families in the school, um, which was important. But in terms of sort of direct work, there was little going on. And what we started to think about at that time was that that so these children were being placed at the Mulderbush um school from all over all over the country, mostly from England, although we have children from from sometimes from Wales and sometimes from Ireland. Um and it felt as if there was a sort of disproportionate burden of responsibility being placed on the shoulders of the the children who were placed to deal with often uh patterns over sometimes over generations of issues from their families. So that just I suppose in my mind felt really unfair, it felt really unfair. And there is a reality that when children are placed, you know, they they carry their family with them, if you like. Um, and if we are to try and support children back into family, it felt clear that that the family also need to engage in some way and find a way of working to perhaps make some changes or to understand some of the challenges a little differently so that they can live together. at home. So the work of the the work with families, it’s now called the therapies and networks team. So for a time we had a a therapy team and a family team if you like. But the work with the families are is of key importance and it’s and it’s not only with birth families but also foster families and adoptive families. So the school has um quite a number of uh adoptive family sort of breakdowns um so children placed from from adoptive breakdowns and actually one of the the most uh well received sort of interventions if you like I’m not sure I like that word particularly but one of one of the things that the team does is to provide sort of peer support groups very often our experience has been that the families feel um quite ashamed I suppose by the situations that they’re in quite isolated um often overly assessed uh sort of assessed to death a bit um and so being alongside their peers and those that have been felt themselves to be in similar situations can feel very very supportive and helpful but over time that that team that the the therapist networks team have uh you know they’re constantly looking at different ways of supporting families so sometimes it might be a sort of couples therapy or it it may be um as one of the one of the groups that the child that the family get involved in we’ve also had residential family weekends where we bring a number of families in um to live alongside one eat one another in the school for a period of time and we work with the parents and the siblings and the children. And there have been a couple of examples where um at the sort of family’s request we’ve put a team into the family home when the child goes home and work with them in their home setting to try and sort of shift something at home. So so I suppose I hope what that sort of gives an image of is is the the the um the the encouragement to innovate I suppose and come up with different ideas and think about well what what could really help there. And I suppose the ambition behind all of this is is about really trying to enact a step down provision so really trying to support children back in to a stable home base.

Colby: 32:19

Yeah and um I think you know we what it what it says to me is that it it is it’s it’s not the case of the children being sent off to the Mulberry Bush school and and residential homes uh in order to be treated and and return to their family be they foster family, adoptive family or or birth family. But rather it recognizes that um treating the child in isolation is not um going to necessarily be the the most effective way of um achieving that outcome as you said of of um successfully reintegrating them back into that uh family environment from which they came. Yeah and um it is a school and schools have semesters and terms and and um where do the where do the children go on term breaks on semester breaks.

John: 33:25

Sure. Yeah so it is a school it’s interesting isn’t it that yeah it is a school you’re absolutely right but often when I’m showing visitors around I often feel like the name slightly misrepresents what it is because it is a school so it has an education area which certainly over here would be what most people would think of as a school so it has classrooms and and and so on. But we all it also has uh residential houses where the children you know live evenings and weekends and and for some of them during the school holidays and then it has the therapist networks team which have a group of therapists um and a um and family network practitioners working with the families um but in terms of the the where the children go so that there are sort of two sides to the service so uh traditionally um the Muller bush was a 38-week provision so a term time only provision children went um home where whatever home is during um the school holidays and then um in between those sort of school holidays every third or fourth weekend there was um a family weekend which felt like an important opportunity for the children to go and reconnect with home but also uh an important opportunity for work between the the school staff and the family um back in 2018 we we moved from being just 38 week to also having a 52 week service so it has always been the case that there were a number of children who were referred who weren’t able to be placed because they didn’t have a family to return to or well I maybe they didn’t have a family to return to or they weren’t allowed to return to their family. There are a whole sort of host of individual circumstances there. And so back in 2018 we set up our first 52 week house and in fact last year um we opened our second 52 week house. So we now have three 38 week houses which look after up to six children each and then two 52 week houses similarly which look up look after up to to six children. So um so the children so that introduces a different complexity I suppose to to the way that the setting runs um the 38 week children have they will return maybe to a foster family to their adoptive family or some to their birth family on those weekends home or school holidays. And for the 52 week children um some of them do have families that um that visit them or that they visit and and again going back to the sort of step down model for for for those children in the 52 week service our ambition still would be to um support them back into into family if that is possible. And that may be through our 38 week service or it may be back into family. But there’s certainly there’s a whole area of work going on trying to support that sort of step down model.

Colby: 36:28

It’s interesting it it was something that is entirely foreign to me so I never even thought to ask so um I’ve been aware of the Cotswold community for you know a number of years I talk regularly to Patrick Tomlinson who’s something of a silent partner in uh in this podcast. The notion of children going home from a however you think of it it’s a therapy it’s a residential uh care service going home to uh a family based setting is just completely foreign to me in in my jurisdiction here in Australia. So I when I when I interviewed John Whitwell on the on the podcast early on um he referred to the the the boys at the Cotswold community going home um to to their families um during um well week some weekends and and also term breaks holl school holidays and um and that there were as you say there’s some complexities around that. Suffice to say I never really thought of the question until I’d spoken to John Whitwell but I’m inspired by the idea that that children can go back to a place where relationships have been ruptured ruptured or where there’s been uh concerns about um the the level of care that they uh are experiencing um that that that that could happen with a view to um amongst other things support as you say that that set step down to to a success to I guess a safe and successful um replacement or return to that family environment.

John: 38:23

Yeah I mean I I suppose I think I’m absolutely not saying that it’s right or proper in all circumstances or all cases but but one of the things that I think we often forget and I’ve been sort of powerfully reminded by various children um that no matter the level of difficulty um when they were living at home and sometimes it’s absolutely right that they don’t live at home um but no matter the level of difficulty there’s there’s still family and um and there’s still that very important bond that is there. And so for many of many of the ex-pupils who come back um have have found ways to you know if if they haven’t in their sort of younger lives reconnected with family or or or been back with family they have found ways to connect and and for many of them they’re continuing their sort of journey to try and understand what happened and and why what happened happened. And I think that’s really important. I I always remember a um um a child I key worked talking to me who who um for me it was an important part of my learning really and because of what happened to this this young person um I really sort of vilified the parents and um I remember this this young person saying to me one time after um a few years um we were sitting playing a game I think playing a game of connect four or something um and they just said um why why does nobody ever ask me whether I love my dad um and I can remember I can remember my heart sort of sinking really and thinking you know you know we’ve missed something really important here. You know no matter all of these awful things that have happened um actually there’s still a love there. And this this young person wanted to talk about the good times they’d had together and I don’t know dog walks and going to the park and um in equal measure you know and so I think it it it’s really important that we remember the the importance of of family no matter the the those sort of earlier very difficult circumstances.

Colby: 40:54

Absolutely and I I this is a real passion project of mine I would say that all therapeutic endeavor is um enhanced by uh and successful outcomes are um made more likely in circumstances where the children where where we’ve been able to achieve some level of relational repair at least and in connection with birth family. If you think about it if the pri if the children remain uh if their relationships with their primary attachment figures remained remain fragmented, damaged disordered however you want to talk about it, then um how why would they ever you know put themselves out there again i to to subsequent carers and and we we operate under a misapprehension I think in child protection jurisdictions in at least in the Western world that I’m aware of that that all you know these these terrible things have happened in in the family of origin. But the the main therapeutic endeavor needs to be to create a new family or provide a new family for them where we can provide we can develop a new template for them. And and I just think that that’s misguided. It’s not particularly understanding of the task that foster parents and other other adults who come in um to the frame to work with these children are faced with the the the mere fact that um these children find it really hard to trust again when trust has been lost or broken and the like so yeah so you can you maybe you’re starting to imagine a little bit my enthusiasm when I heard things like you know they go home you know like they get hopefully they go home for Christmas you know like these important types of um um periods and events I I think it’s really important and and uh I I suppose just hearing you you you say those things made me think about some of the things the ex-pupils say when they come back but uh which which I can say a bit about but also it made me think about this I think one of the real challenges in working in residential provision is um where the and where there is a family is uh this sort of competitive um element which can come in and sort of who are the better family really or you you can get you can get into sort of competing or providing something that’s that’s um that within an organization like the Mulderish queue can afford and home can’t afford so you so you so you actually sort of work against that sort of reintegration um but there is something about modeling the sorts of relationships that can be achieved and and those experiences that can be had so that even if it’s not possible to have those at home the children can develop a sense of what what might be possible.

John: 44:16

And it makes me think of um an ex-pupil so so one of the fantastic things about um our ex-pupils we we have an ex-pupil’s uh network and an ex-pupils advisory group and each year we have an ex-pupils open day um and increasing they’re becoming more and more involved and one of our ex-pupils um well over this last year we’ve had three different ex-pupils who’ve joined us on this sort of stage at events presenting and one of the ex-pupils who was actually in in my house um back in sunset back in the day um was presenting um alongside our outreach team to a group of a hundred um educators um school leaders uh teachers and so on and what she wanted to say about her experience of the Mulberry bush so she’s now in her 30s she has two children she’s married and what she wanted to say was for for her so she was at the school when she was um between about eight and eleven something like that eight um the age of eight and eleven she wanted to to to be very clear that the relationships that she experienced at the Mulberry bush she believes are the only reason um that she is today able to be a mother and she very much models the the sorts of care and can love care and concern um that she has for her children um on the experiences she had with uh the staff team um at the Marbury bush and of course those sorts of things are enormously powerful um you know that and so what you’re saying is absolutely right really that there is something of central importance of of modelling that you know what might be possible for the children um while they’re placed at the mulberry bush modeling those sorts of experiences trying to be conscious and aware of not competing with family um but trying to to nurture sort of meaningful relationships and and at the guts of I suppose all of the work that we do it it is all about sort of relational practice you know the the the the central importance of meaningful sort of interdependent type relationships and the the opportunity to to build those with with people who are deeply mistrustful um for right you know often rightly so it’s interesting that one of the one of the sort of we’ve we’ve got some sort of short videos that were um were taken of ex-pupils on the ex-pupils open day and one of the the children and that’s on YouTube so I’ll I will use his name so Chris um he talks about the impact of the Mulderish on him um it’s a really reflective piece which is really fascinating and I think there’s something of the qualities of the the environment that comes through often in in how how the um ex-pupils present themselves but he talks about it being a safe environment um and the importance of it being safe um and he talked about how uh sort of dysfunctional his home life was um and what he reflects on are the the yeah his deep mistrust in all those around him and he and he and he says within the video that it took him a couple of years to realize um that the stop at the Mulberry bush weren’t just trying to make things worse. And he started to he he’s he talks about it changing his view of people um of children of adults and of the world around him and so there’s something of that sort of process of change. So yeah he often springs to mind but I think it’s a common feature of the children they are um deeply mistrustful because they do feel that they have um been let down I suppose um in the past um in their formative years and so building trust and trusting relationships is is hard I think it is really hard in some instances um the the parents um have had extremely challenging lives themselves and in many ways were mulberry bush children themselves and there’s something about the sort of the the cycles over generations that the families have had to contend with um really difficult challenging sort of stuff and and wanting some help to try and sort of interrupt that sort of cycle um and establish change. I think for others I struggle to think of a circumstance where they don’t want the best or they aren’t trying to give of their best I suppose and um and very often um whatever has been done to try and help hasn’t helped and people are feeling let down by um the the authorities by the professionals and so the they come to us often with a mistrust I think of are we just another bunch of people who are who are going to sort of judge them let them down. And so it really is important to to to try and help them feel a valued part of the team you know you know that they ultimately will almost always know the children better than anybody else. And so it’s very important that we we talk to them we listen to them and I suppose the one of the the a parent comes to mind actually as I’m as I’m saying that to you who who I worked with who was feeling very challenged by something that we were talking about in the school in relation to to the home life was quite upset about it and I end up going out to visit to try and sort of mediate a little bit between the work that the the school were doing at the time this was some years ago and the family and the and the child. And I remember talking to to the this um mother um and saying look we might not be right either you know you may be right we might be wrong but there’s something about holding onto this sort of notion well could this be true you know just just the sense of there’s a possibility that that this different way of thinking about it might be true. And I think holding um holding a space for that thought can allow different things to emerge and different ideas to to to move forward. So um I suppose I think that’s often the situation is is trying to to to get alongside parents to build um trust um that we’re not here to judge we are here to try and help the notion of you know could this be true? Is there a different way of thinking about this feels yeah just feels really important. And you know as a parent myself parenting is difficult. It’s not always easy and well it’s rarely easy really I would say probably I think parenting is difficult.

Colby: 51:13

Yeah I think what you talk about there in terms of people’s feedback the particularly the young people who have um been through the Mauberry bush and their feedback and I think is really powerful and in some ways um hopefully challenges the the narrative that residential care settings are really the option of last resort for um for children and young people who can’t safely be cared for at home wherever home may be or that you know that um relationships have broken down to the point where they can’t be at home for a period of time.

John: 51:57

And I’m um I’m wondering what your thoughts are given your your experience but also the the feedback of young people who have been through the Mulberry Bush program around this idea of of residential homes being being you know across the gamut of care options the the one of last resort what we often think about when we think about the children placed at the school and I think it is it’s very similar for many of the the people that we work with in schools and social care settings, prisons from promotion and um and youth custody is um generally those children young people are struggling to function in a group so and so whether that’s a school group or a family group um and so part of the importance for me of residential care places like the Mulberry Bush is is if that’s where the problems are then that’s where the work is so the work is in groups and and ultimately in in the wider world um we all have to function in groups you know in in out in the community and so I think that’s really really important and I suppose from my family therapy experience I also think there’s something about the the intensity of the sort of family dynamic which can be very challenging and um so putting so expecting all to be able to sort of work through in the intensity of that sort of family familial dynamic family relationship um I think is is short-sighted really and so for me that the role of um of residential care is is sort of cuts cuts through that really so you’re in a group setting where there’s a number of staff you you it sort of dissipates slightly the intensity of that family dynamic but you you have an opportunity to recreate it in in pockets or or to work at it rather than it just being ever present in the daily life of the house. Certainly in the UK there is a there’s been a real move to to much smaller numbers of children placements and even solo placements and fundamentally I mean I think there are a small number of children who at times of crisis probably need that um you know solo placement to sort of stabilize but I do firmly believe that that a reintegration back into some sort of group setting feels really really important you know ultimately I it is where the work is and um and so I absolutely believe it’s got a central role to play in supporting um certainly those children who’ve really had a rough experience in family or really cannot struggle with that family dynamic. And maybe you know I think it has a role a play to play for them throughout their childhoods. You know I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong at all with good quality residential provision for some children throughout their childhood and certainly we’ve had lots of children placed at the mulberry bush for whom there have been too many placement breakdowns. So when I was um a house manager we had a a girl placed with us when she was seven um and she’d had over 50 foster placement breakdowns before the age of seven um and fundamentally I I think it was unrealistic to expect her to to give something that looked like that another go. I just don’t see why you know it will have been so entrenched that she was um you know she firmly believed it was her fault that these things you know she was unloved unlovable nobody could really look after her um so I think for her it probably made absolute sense that she continued in residential care whereas for other children you know the opportunity to support them to to develop an understanding of what’s going on uh within the family to work with family and reintegrate them um I think is is also really important there’s a great opportunity there so I think um residential care as a placement of choice I think is really important um really important I suppose the other thing that comes to mind in this country there’s a big there’s often a big thing about um the residential care should be within a certain sort of geographical radius of family um I understand the argument um but my experience in the mulberry bush has been it depends how the family are looking to engage and an example I often give is at one time we had a family who um a child placed of a family who whose family was about um six or seven miles away from from here um and then we also had a child placed whose family was about 250 miles away from here and at that time the family who was very local then they might as well have been on the other side of the world um in terms of their engagement and their willingness to sort of work with us the family that were 250 miles away if there was an issue and we wanted them to come down or I wanted them to they would they were there within moments. And so it is about the sort of emotional engagement and connection with the work rather than geographical distance also. So I think yeah I I I think we misunderstand that often in this country.

Colby: 57:30

But yeah certainly the role of residential provision I think is is of central importance as a part of um the picture I couldn’t agree more if I could summarize a couple of the really key points that you made one which one of which is that when children have been hurt in and these are my words now but but um when children have been hurt in relationships with with adults from on whom they depend um yes they it would be um in their interests at some point for for them to have a different experience of uh of um care from an adult to to that which they’ve had and if they can have that different experience with the their their parent if they if indeed it’s a parent if they we can change the dynamic of that relationship then that I think is an even better outcome as well though they may not be able to safely go back and live with their parents. The reality is that there is there is a significant not insignificant group of our children who find going into a family placement really confronting triggering in fact they’re not ready to go into a family environment and so residential care as an early placement option as a as a place to as Richard says you know help them to uh live with each other and with themselves in a way and you went and you also talked about you know providing examples of um again I’m gonna use my words a bit but examples of what a safe and nurturing child to adult adult to child relationship feels like without that being um kind of in the child’s face you know 24 hours a day seven days a week that so there there there’s that um which I I think is uh incredibly important. So I do think of residential care uh as something you know something that should be tried earlier rat rather than later. If you if you really understand the children that we’re talking about and the experiences that they’ve had. And I think part of and while you’re on the topic you’re on the topic or on the run of of trying to understand the children together better, then I think our authorities need to turn their mind to what what is it, what harm is being done with this blind allegiance to the idea that that a family-based placement is always and in all circumstances the superior option such that you have these children who just go through placement breakdown after placement breakdown after placement breakdown. And the harm that is done to children in those circumstances is incredible. And you know I’m I’m in my day job I’m a clinician. I’ve worked in this space for 30 years and you know and it’s horrifying to hear of people who have had young people who’ve had more than 50. I have a young person that I see who’s more than 50 but they’re towards the end of their care journey not seven years of age. So which children do you think really benefit from a residential care placement like what is uh offered at the Mulberry bush but also more generally um other therapeutic communities in the UK?

John: 1:01:20

Yeah yeah so so I think um certainly the children that come to the mulberry bush tend to be those that um create the sort of highest levels of of anxiety and risk in their local authorities. So I do think we’re at we’re at a point at the moment really and and it does relate to cost there’s no escaping the fact that it’s it’s a high you know it’s a high cost option for local authorities. But that yeah the children who are placed are those that create the sort of high le highest levels of anxiety and risk um to those around them and very often it’s those for whom all other options have failed. And I think that’s one of the real challenges in this country is um it it feels wrong that everything else has has to have failed before you get placed. But I understand the sort of cost-based reality of that. So the children who come to the Mulberry bush yeah sort of highly complex lives that have surrounded them and they are children who as I sort of said earlier had have struggled to function in a group setting either in in education or in social care. But it’s interesting that I’ve been involved in a couple of groups more recently looking with the Department for Education but also up at the Nuffield Family Justice Observatory who’ve done some research on on children who find themselves on deprivation of liberty orders. So those are children for whom it’s felt residential care can’t look after them, but we have a full youth secure estate. And part of the research was around looking at the care principles for these children and do they have different needs from those within residential care. And in the most recent group that I was talking really what we were talking about was we don’t necessarily believe that they do but it is something about the capacity of those around them to manage the sort of risk and anxiety that’s that that’s created by the complex lives in which they live and and so it is more to do with the need for adult staff sorry staff support and staff training rather than different care needs. And fundamentally also then the regulator has a role there. And when you were asking the question I was thinking about a a child we had recently so so I I do think the children who get placed at Arborish tend to be those who who are surrounded by the highest levels of anxiety of levels of anxiety and risk.

Colby: 1:04:05

I wouldn’t want listeners to feel that or or or think sorry that the children who you are serving there at the Mulberry bush are different to um in a in the sense of being lower risk lower concern you know especially in consideration of some of the things I’ve mentioned like going home for the holidays you know being going home at Christmas that sort of thing I think it’s I think it speaks volumes that you these are children about whom there is significant concern significant worry and yet you pro you can continue to provide this service yeah in in in the pursuit of their recovery it’s remarkable but sorry I I broke into you where you were talk you’re talking really about you started to talk about staff attributes and and the role of the regulator as well yeah so so I mean I I think in terms of staff capac staff’s sort of emotional resilience and capacity to work with um risk and anxiety is is really vital um and also for those sorts of children at those highest levels of of um who present the who are surrounded by the most complex lives if you like and present um the highest levels of sort of risk and anxiety this there’s it’s really important that staff maintain a a capacity to to feel able to sort of to innovate to to to do things differently you know it’s so often for the children who are placed um many people have tried the same things over and over again and wondered why nothing has changed.

John: 1:05:48

And so that I think there is a role for the regulator in terms of supporting innovation in the sector you know the the I mean it it’s it’s interesting that sort of the whole issue of sort of standards um regulation and standards you know standards do lead to standardization and and what we know of these children is a sort of um they don’t fit the mold if you like a one size fits all um program doesn’t uh doesn’t work um and certainly one of the groups that I was talking at up in London I was referring to a child who was placed with us um who was with us for a couple of years um very challenging young person um and um at one of the inspection experiences the there was real focus on this individual and what was going on around them the work that we were doing the sort of the ways in which we were trying to innovate um and it was quite there was a high level of scrutiny really and it felt very uncomfortable um and um I won’t go into all of the details of that but it was it was a really difficult time um the child then left um when they were due to leave at the end of their placement um about four or five months later and in the following nine months this this young person um had um nine placement breakdowns and ended up in a secure unit um and I was saying at the group up in London there’s a key example here of of somebody who we need providers to be really sort of creative and innovative um in finding ways of connecting and looking after containing um developing meaningful relationships with with with the the sort of young person that’s so deeply mistrustful and and um and challenging you know and and I think we’re getting that wrong you know I I do think things are starting to get better um there’s a sort of change in the narrative around it at the moment and and just the fact that we’re having these conversations in these sort of high level groups um gives me some hope and faith that things are sort of moving forward and changing. But we do yeah we need creativity we need innovation we need to trust our staff um we need to ensure that they’re trained and properly supportive and then we need to sort of really trust um that they the and encourage this sort of yeah creativity and innovation.

Colby: 1:08:16

Yeah and I I people who know me and know my career well know that um in until the middle of last year and for the previous 14 and a half years I was very involved in the health practitioner regulation scheme here in Australia and um in with a particular focus on the psychology um side of things and rose up to chair and deputy chair roles for for for for Australia in in the regulation of the psychology profession. When I talk what we what we know is that people practitioners in in many if not most or or indeed if not all endeavors find regulation and indeed regulators anxiety evoking. And I when I talk to people in the UK and they talk about Ofsted they they’re and these are providers you know at the level of the the the you know the managing director or the CEO they’re they’re truly um terrified of of an off an offstead inspection and in particular one that that finds that their their uh standards are low. And um and I the problem we have and I think this is perhaps a little bit related to your concern as well is that if we have that our children children in this space do require us to be flexible and innovative and and reactive responsive yeah and um anxiety is the enemy of exploration. Anxiety is the enemy of innovation. So it’s almost like a case of no good deed goes unpunished. You know we need regulation regul regulation is about keeping the the the the public safe in this case you know keeping vulnerable children’s safe um but at what at the if it’s at the expense of innovation if it’s a if it’s at the expense expense of justified and justifiable justifiable risk taking trying something new then then unf yeah unfortunately um it’s it’s one of those unintended consequences but a consequence nonetheless that actually can have a negative outcome for the services that we’re trying to deliver.

John: 1:10:51

Yeah. Yeah no I think that’s right. I mean the the the phrase that comes to mind is that I think the sector for quite a long time felt like the uh I remember seeing at a conference there’s the phrase that the flogging will continue until morale improves sort of and I think and I think that you know there is a sort of there has been a sense of that and um I suppose two things sprung to mind. I think you’re absolutely right I think anxiety and the sort of fear uh of inspection is deeply unhelpful and um and one of the things that um our research has has sort of shown um that that’s taken place at the charity has been about the the the sense of shame for children the sort of children and families that come into our services or or that we work with in the schools and all these other settings there is a sort of um endemic sort of sense of shame for them in the situations in which they find themselves. And I do wonder what um there’s something about the sort of the way in which sort of regulation and inspection um is has been managed which is about sort of shame the shaming and the sort of role of sort of shame in the sector or shaming into improving and I and I’m not convinced that that’s helpful. And certainly within the staff team we would be conscious all the time of of not getting caught up in in um shaming um shaming staff members shaming families shaming children um we we really need to find a way forward from that and I suppose the other thing that I I think needs tackling um somehow is the whole notion that that if it’s written down then children are safer. And one of the real worries and and the challenges we have is that the increasing amounts of sort of bureaucracy that surround um meeting the demands of regulation and inspection draws staff away from children and um to sit in front of laptops. And that’s difficult because you know I I absolutely agree and accept there’s a really important role for regulation. You know we need to know that children are safe and I absolutely accept the importance of that and the role that the regulator has for the government ultimately in in establishing safety of children. But somehow we do need to um we we need to allow creativity and the and the phrase I think it was at a similar conference to that other comment but there was a phrase that came up that somebody said which I I do wonder whether it’s true which is that you can regulate to to get inadequate services to good um but to allow to to enable um outstanding practice you have to set creativity free. And I and I like that sort of notion that somehow yeah we need to know people are safe we need to train people properly and then we need to to really yes allow creative practitioners to engage with children and and to find um yeah to to set that creativity free and I and I think that’s I think that is true. Yeah we have a there was a saying that was used here but in indeed including by our um national chair of the psychology board of Australia uh that lot about talking about light touch regulation regulation needs to be there but it it can’t be getting in the way of of the work that we do I I was just gonna say I do think that the the the most recent narrative from the current um HTMCR Martin Oliver around if we get it right for the most vulnerable we get it right for everybody then you know I I do think that’s true. I think it’s a helpful helpful narrative.

Colby: 1:14:44

Yeah um there’s so much I can talk to you about John and uh um your day is only beginning mine’s mine’s closer to the end um couple of things that I wondered we you’ve talked a little bit about what the children um say about their experience of the mulberry bush I’m wondering if there’s just any any other message you would like to share around that around what your your your alumni group or or uh other um returning um adults who’ve who’ve had experience of the mulberry bush are saying and um uh you’ve also talked about what you know the the the message that you would like to put out there to the world that the mulberry bush would like to put out there and I I’m just wondering if we’ve kind of bring it to a close around either one or other or both of those those two things what the children say and and the voice that that you want the mulberry bush to be projecting to the world yeah that’s a big question um I suppose it it makes me think about um I think fundamentally the the things that the the children say um it are generally to do with the importance of relationships and the sort of love and care that they experienced and um it makes me think that the so we we had a few years ago um a lady called Sally Finch um came back to visit ex-pupil from 1948 to 1951 so right at the beginning now lives in in Christchurch New Zealand um and one of the things that she said and and a number of others have said the same thing when they’ve they’ve come back to visit the school has said this place is just completely different but it’s exactly the same and so there’s something about that even though she didn’t recognize almost anything of the buildings on the site that what resonated for her was the sort of experience of how people related to her the sort of warmth that sort of sense of community um the importance of relationships the love care and concern that that she she witnessed and and I think that’s what the the the ex-pupils would often refer to um even if their experience was tough at the time and one of them you know the there’s again there’s a video um on YouTube uh uh of the ex-pupils open day when one of the ex-pupils it’s her first visit back and she talks about it having been tough but it teaching her the sort of boundaries of life is the is the phrase that she uses um and and says that it helped her a lot so there is something about the you know on the is interesting on the on the foundation degree there’s a phrase that we’ve often talked about which is the phrase sort of growing up is tough at the mulberry bush and that’s whether you’re a child whether you’re a member of staff whether you’re the CEO there’s still a sort of you’re still learning you’re still there’s a sort of growing up process which which is difficult. And I suppose our the message for the world if you like I I I the single most important thing I think is um the importance of relationships and all of the work that we do is really about um that sort of relational practice and the importance and the the the therapeutic with a small t if you like importance of um relationships getting alongside one another understanding um really listening not just hearing sort of really really listening listening and hearing what people are saying to us um and um yes developing relationships with with people in that sense of community and I think what emerges from that um and is so clear um within the ex-pupils comments is um that sense of belonging that that they then experience and um having ex-pupils come back and visit there is still that sort of sense of belonging to that wider mulberbush community and I and I think that’s something that that can be can be developed um in other organizations in other communities in other settings um in other countries um so yes that’s you know developing that sense of belonging is of central importance really um and I and I think I suppose what emerges from that is a confidence um which I one of the things I love to read when I read this sort of ex-pupil’s comments that’s that that sense of confidence which I think leads to that you know a sense of agency in the world so um the the the young people now adults um have a sense of confidence in their own agency in um making decisions about the world in which they then inhabit yeah yeah I have a I have a little acronym that I use um it’s part it’s just because I’m a little bit mischievous um I was I was lying in bed one Saturday morning and I was because I love acronyms and I was thinking of um um what would be a good acronym for the the milieu of a place you know that that felt quality of a place which I think you know you’re referencing and and it as it turns out there’s there’s a really obvious one which is aura so the milieu is also the aura of the place the aura is the felt quality of a place or a person you know it’s aura and uh aura stands for for me in my writing um being accessible understanding responsive and attuned so uh I love to talk about auras maybe that can be what happens in the different uh conversation between us but uh just because it’s a it’s a little bit mischievous uh a psychologist of my stature talking about auras but uh anyway it’s been it’s been a fantastic conversation John I you know I feel like we probably could have uh gone on for another hour or so um but thank you very much for agreeing to be part of the podcast.

John: 1:21:22

Pleasure well thank you very much lovely lovely talk with you.

The Science of Prevention: How We Can End Child Maltreatment, with Benjamin Perks

The Importance of Attachment and the Science of Prevention in Child Development

In a recent podcast episode, Benjamin Perks, Head of Campaigns and Advocacy at UNICEF, shared profound insights about child development, attachment theory, and the global effort to end child maltreatment. His personal journey from growing up in residential care to becoming a leader in child protection provides a powerful narrative that underscores the importance of positive relationships in childhood development.

Ben emphasizes the concept of the “Four S’s” – secure, safe, seen, and soothed – as essential elements that every child needs to flourish. When children receive these four elements from their family, they develop resilience that protects them from adverse experiences in other environments. When family support is lacking, schools become the critical secondary buffer. The ideal situation, according to Ben, is having all three systems – family, school, and community – committed to ensuring every child experiences these four essential elements. What makes this particularly significant is that we are the first generation in history with the knowledge and resources to ensure universal access to these developmental necessities.

The podcast highlights the alarming prevalence of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and their long-term impact. According to the Center for Disease Control in the United States, each adverse childhood experience significantly increases the risk of negative outcomes across 40 different well-being indicators, from addiction to poor mental health to involvement in crime. This intergenerational cycle of trauma creates what Ben refers to as “relational poverty” – the inability to form healthy relationships due to lack of early relational skills development. This pattern is observable not just in humans but across species, where similar patterns of attachment and development have been documented.

One of the most compelling arguments Ben presents is that child maltreatment can be ended through a public health approach similar to how child mortality was dramatically reduced globally. In the 1980s, when 14-15 million children died annually from preventable diseases, a targeted approach implementing four simple interventions (vaccinations, oral rehydration salts, growth monitoring, and breastfeeding promotion) reduced child mortality by 61% over a decade. Ben proposes that with similar determination and a few key interventions, we could achieve comparable results in reducing child maltreatment.

These key interventions include universal access to evidence-based parenting programs, extended parental leave, universal preschool from age three, and widespread public education about child development and trauma. According to the UN Special Representative on violence against children, while child maltreatment costs societies up to 12% of GDP through various social costs, implementing these preventative measures would cost less than 1% of GDP – making it not just a moral imperative but an economic one as well.

The podcast also explores the complex nature of intergenerational trauma, including collective trauma experienced by communities that have faced historical oppression. As Resmaa Menakem notes, people maladapt to contexts that are passed through generations; the context is forgotten, but the adaptations become culture. This perspective helps explain how trauma patterns persist in communities long after the original traumatic conditions have changed.

Ben’s’ own healing journey demonstrates that recovery is possible at any age. After recognizing the impact of his childhood experiences on his adult life, he underwent therapy that transformed his world “from black and white to color.” This personal transformation enabled him to break the cycle of insecure attachment with his own son, demonstrating that with appropriate intervention, intergenerational patterns can be disrupted. His book, “Trauma Proof: Healing, Attachment and the Science of Prevention,” combines scientific research with personal narratives of healing from around the world, offering both inspiration and practical approaches to addressing childhood trauma.

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About Ben:

Benjamin Perks is the Head of Campaigns and Advocacy in the Division of Global Communications and Advocacy at the United Nations Children’s Fund, based in New York. He leads public and policy advocacy on the development and protection of children. He previously served in human rights diplomacy roles as the UNICEF Representative and UN Resident Coordinator ad interim to both the Republic of North Macedonia and the Republic of Montenegro. In both capacities he advocated for reforms to fulfil international human rights commitments and realization of the Sustainable Development Goals. He has served in Georgia, Kosovo, Afghanistan, India and Albania. He coordinated the Back-to-School campaign in the Northern Afghanistan which brought 3 million children, including 1 million girls, into school-most of them for the first times in their lives. He has led work on demobilization of child solders, deinstitutionalization of children in state care, addressing child poverty, pre-school expansion and disability inclusion.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:01

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Ben: 0:04

This teacher took me under her wing and made a connection with me, and I say in the book that she’s the first adult that I think I really had a proper conversation with. If you grew up without family, your relational skill you have relational poverty. Your relational skills are poor often. Poverty, relational skills are poor often. So family is the primary buffer in that, when family is not able to provide that buffer, school is the next best option.

Ben: 0:34

And what’s really important in relation to my work is that we got the first generation history that can ensure that every parent is able to give the child the four S’s and that every school is able to do that too. But we now know that with three or four, similarly, with three or four simple interventions, we could dramatically reduce child trauma, child maltreatment, risk of trauma. I also think that child maltreatment is something that drives a number of social costs. According to the special representative of the Secretary General of the UN on violence against children, he says it costs us up to 12% of GDP, but the interventions I’m suggesting we make globally available will be less than 1% of GDP. We must be the last generation to see violence against children, maltreatment and trauma as being insurmountable social problems.

Colby: 1:33

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and my guest for this episode is a global leader in child development and protection. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the Ngarrindjeri people of the Lower Murray Lakes and Coorong, on whose land that I’m coming to this podcast from, and I’d like to acknowledge the continuing connection the living Ngarrindjeri people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Benjamin Perks, benjamin Perks.

Colby: 2:28

Ben is Head of Campaigns and Advocacy in the Division of Global Communication and Advocacy at the United Nations Children Fund, based in New York. He leads public and policy advocacy on the development and protection of children. Ben previously served in human rights diplomacy roles as the UNICEF representative and UN resident coordinator at interim to both the Republic of North Macedonia and the Republic of Montenegro. In both capacities he advocated for reforms to fulfil international human rights commitments and realisation of the Sustainable Development Goals. Ben has served in Georgia, kosovo, afghanistan, india and Albania. He coordinated the Back to School campaign in northern Afghanistan, which brought three million children, including 1 million girls, into school, most of them for the first time in their lives. He has led work on demobilisation of child soldiers, deinstitutionalisation of children in state care, addressing child poverty, addressing child poverty, preschool expansion and disability inclusion.

Colby: 3:47

Ben is Senior Fellow at the Jubilee Centre at the University of Birmingham in the UK, which researches education policy on character, social and emotional development of children, and he is an Associate Faculty Member at Oxford University Department of Social Policy and Innovation. Ben is recognised as a public speaker and campaigner on child development and protection. His book Trauma Proof Healing, attachment and the Science of Prevention is out now.

Ben: 4:22

Welcome, ben. Thank you very much, colby. It’s great to be with you, connecting from New York to you in Australia. I’m very glad to be on your podcast.

Colby: 4:34

Yeah, thank you, owen. Thank you very much for agreeing to be on, and I was just wondering and I give all my guests this opportunity is there anything that you’d like to add to that bio of your work?Ben: 4:48

yeah, a couple of other things. I I lead globally for the un on international day of play, which is a new ua, the outcome of a new un resolution, and obviously play is central to child development and child protection. So I’ll be talking about that, I guess, a little bit in the conversation today. But also just to add that everything I talk about today and everything that I’ve written in my book is in a personal capacity. I’m not speaking on behalf of the UN or UNICEF or anybody apart from myself today, so I just wanted to to be clear on that as well. Yeah, excellent.

Colby: 5:23

Terrific. So, ben, tell us how you got into this work that you’re, this really important work that you’re doing and have done across your career.

Ben: 5:34

I think there are three kind of major turning points. I think the first one is that I was in. I grew up the second half of my childhood in residential care in children’s homes. I was in. I grew up the second half of my childhood in residential care in children’s homes. I was in Birmingham and in London. I lived a lot on the streets, I ran away a lot, I was involved with gangs and other kinds of kinds of activities. And then suddenly at 16, I had the opportunity to become an activist in London for the rights of young people in care. And that’s my first job, my first serious job at the age of 16, a full-time activist. Um, so, so that was how I became a campaigner. That’s how a campaigner was born, I think.

Ben: 6:15

And then, secondly, a few years later, when I was at university, it was very rare for somebody from a children’s home to go to university in the UK. Uh, in those days it’s still quite rare, but it’s uh, the prospects are a little bit better now than they were back in my day. But I was really passionate at university about Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement and Gandhi. I read endlessly about their work to change the situation of segregation and structural racism in the United States. Also the effort of Gandhi to build a movement against colonialism, the passive resistance and all of this very well-disciplined campaign work, and that made me really think that I want to dedicate my life to real change, not performative work but real change that delivers outcomes. And one of my heroes in the civil rights history of the United States was a guy called Ralph Bunch who was a big figure, an African-American guy who became a big figure in the early days of the United Nations and he became kind of a hero to me and I then thought about a career in the UN.

Ben: 7:29

So at the end of my first year at university I somehow managed to organise to go to Croatia and there was a middle of a conflict Croatia and Bosnia and Croatia. I somehow went on the bus to Croatia and kind of talked my way in to a role, a temporary role, in UNICEF, and took a year out and worked on that and I was hooked. So I I had very much of like a bog standard UNICEF kind of career. I I did very well I, when I finished my master’s degree a few years later I went back to the organization and, you know, worked my way up towards being a head of office and all of that.

Ben: 8:12

But finally when, when I became a head of office, you know, in a formal diplomatic UN role I was at a meeting where there was a conversation about deinstitutionalization and somebody was talking about attachment research and I heard it for the first time. I was sitting there and I realized the guy who was talking, the professor, was talking about the outcome, the adult outcomes, of insecure attachment in childhood relationships. All of that and I saw myself in everything that he was saying. So I went into a period of therapy for a year and then I became a passionate campaigner on issues like child trauma, attachment, and that’s the journey that brought me to write the book and that added another very personal stream of work to the work I’d already been doing on children’s rights. Very long-winded answer, but those three points were crucial in bringing me to where I am now.

Colby: 9:13

Yeah, that’s awesome and I also am a little bit interested in attachment as well and written a bit about it. But do you remember the name of the fellow who who, um, first introduced you to attachment?

Ben: 9:28

but that’s yes, you know, I’m getting to an age where I think that I forget things, so it’s uh, it’s uh, it’s professor from uh university of nottingham, and it will come back to me during the course of the conversation and I’ll probably blurt it out when it comes back to me okay, awesome, so I’m just queuing your recall for that, perhaps at a later date.

Colby: 9:50

You’ve talked a bit about influences in terms of your circumstances and the roles that you’ve gotten into. Are there any people that really stand out for you as having played a role and been a big influence over your career development? And you’ve mentioned attachment. Maybe you can tell us why you think attachment is so important in your work as well so well in terms of, um, in terms of people that have influenced me.

Ben: 10:23

I write a lot in my book. My book tells lots of stories of different people, but I write a bit about my own as well, and one of the things that was transformative for me was I had a teacher when I was 15. I’d been thrown out of school. I had a best friend who’d been killed in a knife fight. I I had, uh, I was in a very tense inner city poverty care, you know situation, no parents or anything like that. But this teacher, um, somehow, in this, in his school for kids that have been kicked out of school, this teacher took me under under her wing and made a connection with me, and I say in the book that she’s the first adult that I think I really had a proper conversation with as a child.

Ben: 11:08

I was 15. And her name is Jan Report. And when I had this moment, when I listened to this professor from Nottingham giving this talk about attachment, at the end of it I went into this process of therapy. But I also tracked down my teacher in that process, because I wanted to go back and tell her what I’d done with my life and I would have done none of it without her. And so I went back and met her, having not seen her since childhood, and that was incredible. And now now every year when we go back to the UK, we go and see her. I took my son to meet her last year and so so that’s a really pivotal person.

Ben: 11:52

I also had a great social worker. At one point there was a good residential social worker in the children’s home. I had a couple of good friendships when I was young and also eventually also became kind of connected to a family that had reached out over some campaigning work that I was doing. I think that makes all the difference, because if you grow up in a without family, your relational skill you have relational poverty. Your relational skills are poor often and so you know, because you just don’t. It’s like a muscle. You have to grow relational skills and I hadn’t so many things that people learn in a family. I hadn’t really learned them.

Colby: 12:35

I grew up in a, in a survival mode, um, but somehow I managed to have these friendships and uh, attract this support and engagement, and I think all of it meant the world to me and I wouldn’t be here today without those people yeah, that’s an awesome story and it puts me in mind of two things the, the idea that comes from the one good adult research, that that all the child needs is one adult who believes in them, who’s’s there for them, who truly listens to them and helps them. And then there’s the other idea, which is that it takes a village. Now, I think both of those concepts they may be seen as being mutually exclusive, but I think that they sit comfortably alongside each other. The one helps the other, particularly the one good adult helps the other. I do think that when children grow up in adversity relational adversity the more good relationships they have, the better the outcomes.

Colby: 13:40

And I was speaking to someone relatively recently and apologies if you’re listening, and it was you and I can’t remember who it was, but he talked about that it takes a village. The construct at the very beginning was referring to, or at least meant to take into account, peer relationships, so that the important role of peers in children’s up, children growing up and and and I can see how that fits with with social learning theory, for example. So I guess, attachment theory what is it about attachment theory that has influenced your, your career since that introduction?

Ben: 14:24

I want to come back to what you were just saying about peers, community, trusted adult and then lead that into the conversation about attachment and how that influences my work. So I think that you know Dr Daniel Segal and Tina Penny Bryson have this brilliant expression of I think it comes from them the four A’s, sorry, the four S’s. So it’s to be secure, safe, seen and soothed. And the idea is that for children to flourish they need to have those four S’s. If a child has them at home with the family, that’s really important, particularly for early development, uh, early childhood development, to set that secure base and safe haven. We know that early experiences we don’t remember things that happened to us before the age of two, but they are disproportionately and massively influential on the way we see the world for the rest of our life and for the opportunities that we will have and the constraints that we will have.

Ben: 15:32

So that’s really important in the family.Ben: 15:34

But if a child is not safe, seen, soothed and secure in the family, then if they have the four S’s in school, that can help to some extent to heal and prevent them going on a trajectory that is driven by trauma and toxic stress and help them to build relationships and so on.

Ben: 15:58

That’s why the teacher was so important to me by reverse, if children are safe, seen, secure and suited at home and then they go to a rough school, that resilience that they get from the forest is at home will protect them from the trauma of the school or a war zone or a gang infested neighborhood. So family is the primary buffer um in that when family is not um able to provide that buffer, school is the next best option. Certainly it’s the community um. But the idea, the ideal world is you want to have all three of those things family, school, community, committed to, intentional about ensuring that every child is secure, safe, safe, seen and soothed. And what’s really important in relation to my work is that we are the first generation in history that can ensure that every parent is able to give the child, the four S’s, and that every school is able to do that too, and we know that that can be achieved for a fraction of what is lost by not doing it. That’s how it influences my work, yeah.

Colby: 17:12

Awesome. I understand from your work you have a powerful belief that we can end child maltreatment. Tell us a little bit more about why you think that to be the case.

Ben: 17:27

Let me tell you another story that brings me back to this. In 1980, and I talk about this in the book in 1980, in University of Birmingham in the UK, an American public health professional delivered a paper in which he argued that we could I think 14 or 15 million children die every year from preventable disease that if we could just do four things if we could vaccinate every child globally, if we could provide oral rehydration salts to treat diarrheal diseases which can be deadly, if we could monitor the growth of children and if we could promote breastfeeding, then we could dramatically reduce that. Unicef and WHO got hold of that paper and had a really complex internal conversation with many people against the idea, but some of them championed the idea of making this a reality. And over the next 10 years they mobilized a coalition of royals, of heads of state, of community organizations, of religious leaders all around the world and they increased vaccine coverage, for example, from 15% of the world’s children to around 85% of the world’s children and in the decade that followed, child mortality under five mortality reduced by 61%. Everybody thought they were crazy in the beginning. Everybody thought that this was insurmountable, but they did it. And if you look back on every single um global achievement, whether it’s a massive expansion of education, whether it’s massive expansion of availability to um, to to clean water, or prevention of child labor or child marriage. There has been a really audacious drive to do that.

Ben: 19:21

Um, child maltreatment is something that is a problem everywhere. It’s not just in the global south, it’s a problem everywhere. But we now know that with three or four, similarly, with three or four simple interventions, we could dramatically reduce child trauma, child maltreatment, risk of trauma, toxic stress, all of that. Things like universal access to evidence-based parenting programs, a minimum package of parenting programs that we now know, through systematic review, can improve child outcomes, reduce risk and maltreatment and even improve parental mental health outcomes. Secondly, parental leave making parental leave a universal norm, dramatically increasing parental leave, recognising it as a public good. Thirdly, ensuring that children from the age of three in preschool are in schools where they are safe and secure and seen and soothed.

Ben: 20:22

And fourthly, making people aware. If you think about it, people are aware of influenza or the common cold or how to manage a knee injury. Right, they know this stuff. It’s part of family conversation, it’s something that’s common knowledge. Really, child maltreatment, trauma and all of that is no more complex than the transmission of influenza. It’s not more complex. It is shrouded in taboo and stigma and shame and myth. But we can break all of those myths. We can break all of those constraints and make it something where everybody’s aware of the basics to underpin those changes.

Ben: 21:01

With those interventions, I believe we could dramatically reduce child maltreatment. I also think that child maltreatment is something that drives a number of social costs, right From addiction to poor mental health, to risk of being a perpetrator or victim of all kinds of violence, from gang violence to political violence to domestic violence. It puts us at risk of poor health and poor learning outcomes. And all of that, according to the special representative of the Secretary General of the UN on violence against children, says it costs us up to 12% of GDP, but the interventions that I’m suggesting we make globally available will be less than 1% of GDP. So we lose trillions by not addressing problems before they occur at scale, and that’s something I think we’re the first generation to be able to do that, and I think, because of that, we must be the last generation to see violence against children, maltreatment and trauma as being insurmountable social problems.

Colby: 22:09

Yeah, yeah, that’s terrific. While you were speaking there, my mind was going to what the universal parental education would look like, what the intervention into schools might look like. I wonder if you would comment on each of those things.

Ben: 22:39

Sure. So in terms of the parental parenting programs, they can be delivered in a number of ways In some countries because they already are available in about 25% of countries targeted not universal Right and what? The most common format is a home visit. That home visit often it’s bundled with a health visit, and so a home visitor comes and talks to you about health things like vaccines and nutrition, but also talks to you about play, engagement, positive discipline and all of that, and often a minimum package of that. A few visits in early childhood and then, like booster sessions, critical milestones like before adolescence can make all the difference. You know as an attachment expert that Bowlby and Ainsworth said that when a parent is able to either process their own insecure attachment or come up with a strategy for parenting, they’re much less likely to transmit it. And who and oxford university and unicef and others have done a vast systematic review with um hundreds of random I think 460 randomized controlled trials all over the world and found that parenting programs really make a difference. So there should be a minimum package of visits, but then progressive, in the sense that those that need more support can get more visits. This can also be backed up by things like group sessions. In South Africa, for example, they have group sessions for parents, but also grandparents, to talk about how they can ensure the best outcomes for their children. Also, apps are beginning to show real breakthroughs. There are some apps. I think there’s an app in India that reaches 20 million people. Unicef has an app called Bebo. There are many different apps which are actually really helpful for parents who are trying to access evidence based information. So I think you can have an ecosystem that has all of these things, with quality control supported by organizations like UNICEF, who and others.

Ben: 25:11

In terms of parental leave, I think every country in the world should be having a very minimum WHO standard of six months for the birth parent and four months for the other parent, but it could be all foster parents as well, or adoptive parents. I think it should be much more. The Scandinavian countries are showing a really good model for that um. I think that’s really important. Then, having family-friendly workplaces attached to that is also a part of that, that package.

Ben: 25:29

And then schools really having um systems in place where teachers would create a system where where where children are seen and safe and secure, and where teachers are aware of trauma. They’re aware of the prevalence of trauma, because in an average classroom of 30 kids, half of the kids have experienced an adverse childhood experience, a risk factor for trauma and toxic stress. So you know, this idea from the past that you know it’s one or two kids in a class that are in touch with the social work system that are the really vulnerable kids is wrong, recognising that it is across the board and what we need to do is make sure that kids have a strong sense of belonging and uh, um and you know uh, connection with a teacher and, as you mentioned earlier, peers.

Colby: 26:28

the peers thing is really important in adolescence because, of course, in adolescence, it’s peer relationships that are the most important thing for children yeah, yeah, thank you, and um, have you had an opportunity to observe or otherwise get a sense of what the uptake of these measures might be across Western and non-Western countries, jurisdictions, western and non-Western?

Ben: 27:01

countries, jurisdictions. Yeah, I think there’s a lot of enthusiasm, very little resistance to parenting programs, which is interesting because a parenting program often is like going into the house, going into the home, but there’s a lot of hunger for parenting skills. You know, I think increasingly the world is talking about the fact that many of us grow up with intergenerational issues of trauma or or neglect at home. Um, and then even people that haven’t got that want to know what’s the best way of securing the best future for their kid. So I see a lot of um support and interest and very little resistance. I I speak to people that I interview, people in the book that are receiving parenting programmes, people that deliver them, for example, and there’s a lot of interest and I think it’s just a question of making it a normal thing, normal part of childhood, a normal part of parenting, the way that vaccines is or the way that schools are.

Colby: 28:02

Yeah, sometimes I talk about how birds don’t have bird parenting experts that teach them how to raise their birds, and neither do wolves or, you know, even the other great apes. So there is that view that parental advice and guidance is really not necessary, that we are meant to be the most sophisticated, uh, of at least of the great apes, if not of the whole entire animal kingdom, on this. How, why, why can’t, why do we need parenting experts? We, we’ve, you know, we’ve been parented ourselves. We’ve learned from the things that our parents do well and the things that our parents don’t do so well. Um, and we, we must have a, an inbred instinct, just like other members of the animal kingdom. Do what? What would you say to that?

Ben: 29:14

well, they do research on rats I think it’s. My community does research on rats and what they do is they see the same patterns of poor attachment in other animals and they see that those that are licked and groomed by their parent have much better outcomes, are much more likely to go out into the world and be a success by rat standards, right, and so it’s the same as humans. You know it’s the same as humans. We know that humans that don’t grow up with a strong sense of being safe and loved are more likely to have poorer interpersonal relationships, are more likely to do poorly in school, to be addicted, to have all of these problems.

Ben: 30:03

You know the Center for Disease Control in the United States, the major public health institution, has an index of 40 different well-being indicators, from suicide to osteoporosis to addiction, everything, everything, and there’s almost a step increase every risk of negative outcome for every adverse childhood experience a person has had. So somebody that has been suffered emotional neglect emotional via verbal violence, for example, and physical violence and witness domestic violence, for example these are four things quite common, all of them very common is multiple times more likely to have a poor outcome across all of those 40 well-being indicators. So that’s why really I think we do have an instinct, that’s why really I think we do have an instinct, but for maybe at least 40% of us, that instinct is driven by intergenerational trauma, toxic stress, neglect and violence.

Colby: 31:18

And we, now that we know because we didn’t know throughout history, now that we we know, we should be able to stop that cycle and make people you know, ensure that people can flourish yeah, it put me in mind of when you were talking about the rats, because when I’m delivering training, I’ll uh, I will talk also about another group of rats, the rats that were in skinner’s operant conditioning experiments. And people go oh, aren’t you supposed to be an attachment person rather than a behavioural person, when, in actual fact, there should be a lot. In my view, and this is what Bowlby did there should be a lot more cross-fertilisation of ideas and theories and knowledge, rather than siloing of ideas and theories and knowledge, rather than siloing Skinner with his rat experiments and the operant conditioning paradigm. It was really quite interesting because, though he didn’t go down that path at least not that I’m aware of there is a group of rats and pigeons in his research that are very much like our children, who’ve experienced grossly inadequate care, and they’re the rats and pigeons who are in an inconsistent reinforcement paradigm. They got their needs met inconsistently in response to a gesture, and the gesture was to either peck a button or push down on a lever, and the operant conditionings paradigm teaches us a lot about learning and adjustment in those circumstances. So and I also, while you were talking, I was thinking about a conversation I had with a previous guest. It may actually have been a YouTube video, I’m not sure which.

Colby: 33:07

But talking about these now, I’m hoping I’m not going to butcher it, but I think they were mosquitoes. You can put mosquitoes into a jar and they try to get out of the jar. You put all these, but if you, and if you so, they kind of go up and down in the jar. Now, if you put some clear film halfway up the jar, that prevents them going all the way to the top and and getting out after a while, you can take the clear film away and they’ll never try and jump out of the jar. They just go up and down, and that’s really interesting, I guess, until and you think, well, you know, they’ve just learnt that that’s as high as they can go.

Colby: 33:58

Well, this is where it gets really interesting, which is that their offspring also only jump as high. So their offspring don’t go out of the, notwithstanding that there’s no longer a clear film to stop them from getting out. They only go as high as their parents do, and I think that’s. You’ve spoken a little bit about the cost of child maltreatment, but that seems to bear quite significantly. Uh as well. Uh, on that, that issue, that, um. You know, what are we transmitting down through the generations?

Ben: 34:39

the, the positive psychologists, I think, would describe what you’ve just described as learned helplessness, seligman would. That’s what happens. I think that happens often with communities already beaten down. Yeah, I think that. Yeah, I guess that it’s obvious now from psychology, from neuroscience, from population level data, that a lot of these things are intergenerational, that you know they are acquired characteristics from you know that are transmitted through the culture of families.

Ben: 35:28

And, of course, resmei Mannequin, who’s a leading scholar on mental health and race in the United States, says it really well. He says that you know that people respond. He’s talking often about racism and slavery in the United States, but people respond. He’s talking often about racism and slavery in the United States, but people respond they maladapt to a context that’s passed on through generations. The context is forgotten and it becomes the culture, and I think that’s something that is often seen in communities that have been oppressed and affected by collective trauma, if they don’t have the, the holocaust and slavery and also the situation of the native American Indians and the boarding schools, which would have a lot in common with um, with with the um, aboriginal, uh and Torres Strait Islander community in Australia I hope I’m saying that correctly in Australia, um, I think, I think there’s a there’s also. We think, as well as thinking about individual, um trauma, we also need to think about communal trauma.

Colby: 36:48

Yeah, yeah, and I think the the other thing that was, I guess. Well, the thing that was going through my mind as well in relation to the, the mosquito story is I is that we can’t do nothing If we do nothing. It just gets, as you say, transmitted, transmitted through the generations. But if we can but it might be too simplistic to say this but if you can change the course or the trajectory of one generation, then you end up with perhaps a multi-generational change of trajectory. So when you talk about we had the opportunity to end child maltreatment, and the impact of doing that and the importance of that endeavour really is not just for those children and young people who otherwise would have had quite an adverse experience growing up, but you’re changing the trajectory for their life partners, their children and their grandchildren. So yeah.

Ben: 38:06

So if you look at an issue like crime, if you go to most juvenile justice facilities, the young people that are involved in crime continuously, and serious crime, over 90% have four or more adverse childhood experiences.

Ben: 38:29

If you could, um prevent adverse childhood experiences before they occur, um, from what we can see, it would have a dramatic increase on propensity to commit crime, to be involved in violence, to take risk, because risk is related to the adolescent brain.

Ben: 38:49

You know it’s adolescent brain development, right? So you have. If you have this toxic combination of poor attachment and trauma in early childhood crashing against the really complex process of adolescent brain development, you have this really high risk and almost all children at very serious risk of being exploited or being involved in crime or violence are coming from those kind of backgrounds. If you speak to people that dealt with the Epstein case the girls that were targeted or if you look at radicalisation, or look at the kind of people that end up in far right groups or people that end up addicted or victims of grooming, almost exclusively coming from very high ace backgrounds, if you could eradicate most forms of adversity by ensuring that children have the four S’s in both the family and school and community early on, then you’re going to completely transform all of those risks across society, making society a much better place for the future and for future generations.

Colby: 40:08

Yes, yeah, and one of my earlier guests was Graeme Kerridge, who has had perhaps a not dissimilar career history, as you have, except in other organisations, but he was very interesting. We’ve had a number of people who have an economics background on this on this podcast, who, um, who moved into the, this social care, uh, into the social care arena and but anyway he, graham carriage, was very interested in human capital as part of his economic background and again, this really ties in with what we’re talking about. This idea of human capital is the human capital gains of reducing or eliminating the prevalence of adverse childhood experiences is significant. Yeah, yeah, you’ve mentioned your book. Well, I mentioned it first, but then you mentioned your book a few times Trauma proof, and let me read the healing attachment and the science of prevention. And let me read the Healing Attachment and the Science of Prevention.

Colby: 41:33

I think I’ve butchered it every single time. I’ve tried to say it. But tell us about your book. Tell us. You’ve mentioned stories. I’m getting really excited about reading it now. So there you go. I haven’t read it yet, but I only just recently learned that it was already out, so I’m looking forward to it. But tell us a bit about your book and who you think it would be of most interest and usefulness to.

Ben: 42:07

Well, the first thing is I probably need a new title if it doesn’t slip off the tongue so easily, because it won’t get that kind of contagion, don’t worry about it.

Colby: 42:18

It’s not unusual for me to struggle with verbal fluency. It’s pretty, it’s a bit embarrassing being both verbose and not particularly verbally fluent.

Ben: 42:34

Oh, you’re doing fine, yeah. So I wanted to write a book that would present this argument that you could end child maltreatment, and you bring all the data together, the economics of it and all of that and all the science. So I talk about the history of attachment theory and, and, uh, the evolution of aces and our understanding of toxic stress, um, some of the economic arguments about return on investment. That comes from james james heckman at university of chicago. Loads and loads of science, but I also do lots of storytelling. Um, when I went to the agent and the publisher and said I want to do a book about how you end child maltreatment, they said that’s great, but you need to include something else as well, which is you’ve got something to say about how people heal, right, how you healed and how others heal. So it has to be about healing and prevention and attachment. So the book, in addition to putting forward the idea that we can end child maltreatment, it also argues the case that we can heal at any age. Almost everybody can go through some kind of healing process and, as a result of that um have a much better quality of life. So every chapter tells a story of somebody and the stories are from all over the world, um. So the first part of the book is really focused on kind of the, the, the, the prevalence of uh, child maltreatment, the parameters of it, what we know about it. The second part is really focused on parenting and talks about parenting programs and parental leave, but through stories. So, for example, the one on parental leave. I do a comparison between two different families, one in Alabama in the United States, where they have really harsh policies on parental leave, and one in Estonia where they have the most progressive policies in the world, and looks at what happened to the parents through both different processes. Then there’s a part about schools and community and crime. And then there’s a part about collective trauma, societal issues like myth and stigma and taboo. And the final part is really my call to action on what we should be doing about all of this. And it tells something of my own story as well.

Ben: 45:06

My own story about intergenerational the issue of healing and intergenerational trauma is kind of this you know, I lived most of my life as an outwardly successful person who was really not having um. You know the quality of life I would have because of the way that I felt inside, which is completely normal if you grow up without parents. You know, viol, the quality of life I would have because of the way that I felt inside, which is completely normal if you grow up without parents. You know Viola Davis says you grow up with this sense that you’re wrong Not that you’ve done something wrong, but that you are wrong and living with that inside me the whole time, while being outwardly successful and doing well and suppressing it. You know, it was something that I kind of thought was normal and then, when I realized that I lived with all of that trauma inside of me, um, I went through a transformation, through healing, uh, seeing a therapist and changing my life. It felt like the world went from black and white to color, and then when to colour. And then when I got married and we had our son, I held my son in my arms and I just instinctively knew or felt that what happened to me as a child was completely unimaginable to myself. The cycle had just broken. I got what you experts would call an insecure attachment, like I would walk to the end of the earth to protect, love, nurture my son. And that’s something that I thought very consciously of because I’d had to go through a lot of work to become, to become the kind of person that could instinctively feel that um.

Ben: 46:56

So that’s my healing journey, but I talk about lots of other people’s healing journeys as well. There’s a guy that was a gang member in Glasgow who was in prison and went through a process of change. There was a, a woman here from new york that was born into um to a crack affected family. Her parents died, which is very young, um, and she had a teacher that helped her and now she’s a big-time campaigner in washington dc for disadvantaged kids.

Ben: 47:23

All these amazing people, scottish member of parliament, um, who had post-natal depression, who talks publicly about it. All these different, amazing people. I got to interview them also on the Holocaust and slavery and other things, all of that. There’s a famous saying by the writer James Baldwin and I can’t quote it exactly, I’ll probably butt-tread. But you think your suffering and pain is personal, pervasive, pervasive, permanent, personal to you. But then you read dostoevsky or tolstoy and you realize that a couple of hundred years ago elsewhere in the world, people going through the same thing and like putting together these different stories of healing and trauma from all around the world, completely different cultures, but people going through broadly the same thing, I think was really cathartic for me and I think for the people I interviewed as well, and hopefully it’s uplifting for people that would read it.

Colby: 48:21

Awesome. Where can you get a copy most easily?

Ben: 48:26

Well, you know, it’s on uh. It’s on uh kindle audible audio and a hard copy. It’s available, I think, through most good bookshops where you are in australia. I get feedback from people that read in australia and in most places there is a different version in North America because there’s a different publisher. There’s a different audible audiobook in North America and the one in North America went through a second round of editing, came out a bit later, so it’s slightly different, but they’re probably the same thing. So it’s available everywhere, I think.

Colby: 49:07

I hope yeah, if it’s not, let me know you haven’t gone on done what I did. I mean, not long after my first book came out, I was on the internet to look where it was coming out and what people were saying about it.

Ben: 49:20

Yeah, yeah, I do do that. You know it generally had good reviews so far. This has been a very busy year in my regular job with the UN. You know the UN’s gone through a lot of changes and so I haven’t had as much time as I wish to promote it. But I’m going to be doing a bit more of that now. I hope it just came out at the beginning of this year. It came out in April in North America, so it’s relatively new, yeah, yeah terrific.

Colby: 49:51

It’s been awesome to have you on and have a chat to you, Ben, about your life and work. I’ve asked you a lot of questions. Is there anything you’d like to ask me before we wrap up?

Ben: 50:03

What do you think about? You’re an attachment expert. What do you think about the idea that we could be the first generation to end child maltreatment if we have a public health approach to it?

Colby: 50:18

I think, in considering my response, I think we live in slightly different worlds, and what I mean by that by saying that, is that I think where I live and work and I’m not talking about here in Adelaide, south Australia, I’m talking about the level of where I sit in terms of exposure to child maltreatment I think it can be really hard for people to think and believe or even consider that what we’re dealing with every day, what we’re seeing, what we’re immersed in, I would say, can be ended or at least significantly reduced in some way. I think we all believe that if that happened and that happened and that happened, you know we’ve all got ideas about how you could end it. I think the benefit of the argument that you’re making is that it’s a bit like the difference between thinking and metacognition. So thinking is just thinking, as we always do, the thoughts that come into our head, and those thoughts are very much linked to what’s happening, you know, to our experience of ourselves, of our surroundings, of our life, that our thoughts are very much linked to emotion. Metacognition is thinking, about thinking, and it’s that higher order thinking where we’re noticing what we’re thinking, where we’re noticing what we’re experiencing, and at that level, we are less emotionally attached to what we’re noticing as such, and this is the foundation of certain therapeutic traditions that exist now, the foundation of certain therapeutic traditions that that exist now. And so I think the benefit of what you are advocating and talking about is perhaps, um, you’ve had, you you’ve had direct personal experience and I think direct parent personal experiences is very important but you’re able, you, you’ve risen above in a way. You’ve risen above and been able to take that more, that meta view, um, and I think so, I think probably a lot of people in who work in it, in this, in those systems, I think if they had time to be able to go to a metacognitive place, to be able to, and maybe your book will help, maybe your book will be a source of tremendous comfort and inspiration for the workers on the ground.

Colby: 53:32

That’s who I’m really referring to and who I count myself one amongst, is the workers on the ground. I think the book, as you describe it, perhaps will present some hope that there are things that can be done at a systems level or a government level, a country level, an international level, that can make a meaningful impact on child protection. So that’s how I would say it is that I think. I think it’s. It’s probably hard for the people at the coalface to, but uh, but necessary for them to feel like something can be done, because when you’re at the coalface you just think, oh, it’s very hard, yeah that’s a brilliant point.

Ben: 54:31

I gave a talk recently at oxford and do a lot of practitioners there and I was describing this public health approach that I’m promoting. They said, well, what about the family that doesn’t respond to parenting? Or what about this? You know this or that, and they won’t get it? And I think it’s not.

Ben: 54:49

I think what you’re doing with the public health approach is a long-term process. Yes, right, like you, you started off in like 1980 where people thought it was normal, insurmountable, that millions of children died and then, gradually, as pieces were built on the audacity of saying that we can end this, there was a whole system, a public health system in place. Uh, that could protect you, I think. I think it’s like that. I think that you’re, you’re gonna, you know you’re gonna have, with a kind of really public health approach, you can have improvements across the board over time, but you’re always going to have those hard to reach kind of parts of the community that need more work. And I think it’s a long-term process where you change the whole culture of society around the issue over a generation. Yeah, I think that’s the approach, but we have to start the work.

Colby: 55:41

Yeah, look, and I think that in my own jurisdiction here and many jurisdictions, people at the coalface who are on the ground doing child protection work all the time. Morale is often compromised and there is a risk of people becoming quite cynical about the work, and I think it’s and that’s a shame. It’s a shame for them, but it’s also a shame for the people who come into contact with them and you know the families that are struggling, the children who can’t, for a period of time, be safely cared for at home, and I think everyone gets involved in this, wanting to make a difference. We all want it, but sometimes there’s a risk that it can seem like it will never end and there’s a degree of hopelessness.

Colby: 56:49

I think one of the power, powerful thing, messages of what you’re talking about is we’ve done it, we’ve done it before, we’ve done it in other, in other ways, in another, in other areas.

Colby: 57:02

Of course, we haven’t reduced it to zero, we haven’t eradicated all diseases, but we have had a. We have had a good and sustained crack at a number of things and seen a global, a significant global reduction, if not elimination, of um certain ills that that beset us in this life and why not? Child protection as well. And the other thing I think about that message and I often ask guests this later in the podcast I’ve avoided asking you any questions that might come hard up against your role in the UN and not wanting to be seen as speaking on behalf of the UN and not wanting to be seen as speaking on behalf of the UN. But I think a book like yours should be inspirational at multiple levels of the work and in particular, I would say, at the level of the policymakers, the level of government, the level of the policy makers, the level of government. So I think, hope, hope in a direction to get us out of, away from and towards a better future for our children, their children and grandchildren as well.

Ben: 58:27

Thank you very much and, on the back of what you just said, can I just end by saying massive gratitude to all the people that work in the child protection workforce, both in Australia and all around the world. Yeah, terrific.

Colby: 58:43

Thanks, ben, and hope to speak to you again at another time.

Ben: 58:49

Absolutely Thank you. It’s been a real pleasure. Thank you very much, Colby.

Breaking the Cycle: How Investing in Children’s Services Changes Lives, with Andrew Isaac

Beyond 18: What Happens When the System Stops Caring?

In a powerful conversation on the Secure Start podcast, Andrew Isaac, Chair of BSN Social Care and the Children’s Services Development Group, unpacks the challenges and opportunities within the UK’s foster care system. With decades of experience in children’s social care, Andrew provides valuable insights into how we approach caring for our most vulnerable young people.

The foster care crisis in the UK has reached alarming proportions. Since 2010, there has been a 30% increase in children entering care in England alone – from approximately 60,000 to over 80,000 children. This dramatic rise has placed immense pressure on an already strained system. As Andrew explains, this substantial increase isn’t just a number; it represents thousands of individual children requiring comprehensive support systems, qualified foster carers, and appropriate therapeutic interventions to help them transition successfully into adulthood.

One of the most compelling points Andrew raises is the critical importance of early intervention. He laments the loss of approximately 30-40% of Sure Start centres during the financial crisis, which provided crucial early support to vulnerable families. This shortsightedness has contributed to the current influx of teenagers entering the care system. The mathematics is simple but often overlooked by policymakers: investing one pound in early intervention yields multiple pounds in savings down the line. As Andrew passionately states, “I would love a politician to say if we spend this now, these are the benefits of the country over 10, 15 years.”

The statistics Andrew shares are sobering. Approximately 23% of the UK prison population has been through the care system. Young people leaving care at 18 are seven times more likely to commit suicide than their peers. According to research by the National Economic Foundation, every pound invested in a looked-after child generates a sixteen-pound return throughout their life cycle. Reducing the number of care-experienced individuals in prison alone would release nearly a billion pounds from the justice system. These figures highlight not just the human cost but the significant economic implications of inadequate care provision.

Perhaps most concerning is what Andrew describes as “the cliff edge at 18.” At this arbitrary age, young people transition overnight from having a single agency responsible for their wellbeing to navigating up to ten different agencies independently. While legislation called “Staying Put” exists to allow young people to remain with foster carers beyond 18, the financial structure makes this unviable for many foster families who depend on the income to pay their mortgages. The result is devastating – young people “sofa hopping” with nowhere permanent to live, falling out of education, and losing contact with support services entirely.

Andrew also addresses the changing landscape of foster carer recruitment. In today’s society, particularly in metropolitan areas with sky-high property values, potential foster carers must weigh financial considerations carefully. Media coverage of allegations against carers, legitimate or otherwise, further complicates recruitment efforts. Despite these challenges, Andrew emphasizes the importance of honest conversations with potential carers – addressing their concerns upfront while also highlighting the profound difference they can make in a child’s life.

Throughout the conversation, Andrew repeatedly returns to a fundamental truth: “Foster care is by far the best setting for most children that need care outside their own families.” The goal isn’t complex – as another expert referenced in the podcast states, “the great aspiration of children in care is an ordinary life.” This seemingly modest ambition represents a profound shift in how we might measure success in the care system. Rather than focusing solely on educational attainment or other measurable outcomes, perhaps the true measure is enabling these young people to lead stable, content lives and break intergenerational cycles of trauma and care.

You can listen here:

You can watch here:

About Andrew

Andrew is a highly accomplished leader within heavily regulated healthcare, children’s services and special needs education environments.

Andrew is the Chair of BSN Social care, the parent company of six of the UK’s leading foster care agencies servicing much of England and Wales.

Andrew is also the Chair of the Children’s Services Development Group (CSDG), a coalition of leading independent providers of care and specialist education services, who work closely with policymakers, regulators and local authorities to develop policy solutions that will ensure the best possible outcomes for children and young people with complex needs.

Andrew was previously the marketing and communications manager for the National Fostering Agency, which is when we first interacted with each other.

Related Podcast Interviews:

John Whitwell

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Richard Cross

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Andrew: 0:03

I would love a politician to say if we spend this now, these are the benefits of the country over 10, 15 years. If you reduce the number of looked after children or children who’ve been through the care system in prison, you would release almost a billion pounds worth of cost. The law at the moment in the UK at 18 is a cliff edge for young people. 18 plus are seven times more likely to commit suicide than their peers. So the balance of how you talk to foster carers or potential foster carers when they’re interested is really, really important. If I were talking to somebody that wanted to go into it, I would ask them what they were worried about first. There’s a sort of rule of thumb really. Most people react to something on the third prompt. Foster care is by far the best setting for most children that need care outside their own families. The best place for any child to survive is within mainstream education, but the mainstream education has got to have the right facilities to encourage that young person.

Colby: 1:19

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce and joining me for this episode is one of the earliest supporters of my work in the UK to make themselves known to me. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that I come to, this meeting on the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains and the continuing connection the living Kaurna people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Andrew Isaac. My guest this episode is Andrew Isaac.

Colby: 2:10

Andrew is a highly accomplished leader within heavily regulated healthcare, children’s services and special needs education environments. Andrew is the chair of BSN Social Care, the parent company of six of the UK’s leading foster care agencies serving much of England and Wales. Andrew is also the chair of the Children’s Services Development Group, a coalition of leading independent providers of care and specialist education services who work closely with policy makers, regulators and local authorities to develop policy solutions that will ensure the best possible outcomes for children and young people with complex needs. Andrew was previously the Marketing and Communications Manager for the National Fostering Agency, which is when we first interacted with each other. I was under the impression that Andrew had since retired some time ago, but, as we’ll hear, that does not appear to be the case. Welcome, Andrew.

Andrew: 3:17

Thank you, Hi Colby.

Colby: 3:19

You sent me a bio and it was quite extensive and impressive and you asked me not to include all of that in my introduction. But was there anything that I missed there or any comment you want to make about the retirement scenario?

Andrew: 3:38

Well, I never really ended up retiring, so it was more about a point of what you know and, uh, you know the experience that you’ve had and you can benefit other people, so you just keep going, which I’m sure you will do so yourself yeah, well, uh, maybe, um, who knows, maybe I’ll be.

Colby: 4:01

I’ll still be doing podcasts, um, when I, when I give up uh, consulting, I I think you podcasts when I give up consulting.

]Andrew: 4:06

I think you will when you give up being active. I think you won’t, because you’ll still be doing it. I’ll almost wager a lunch on that with you. Aye, aye.

Colby: 4:18

Well, yeah, and a lunch, as we were just talking about before we came on, a lunch over in your neck of the woods in the UK would be a very attractive proposition for me, as long as it’s not above 30 degrees, as I’m hearing that you’ve been having lately there in the UK.

Andrew: 4:38

Well, it’s probably good Australian weather actually.

Colby: 4:41

Every time I’ve been to Australia.

Andrew: 4:43

It’s been in your summertime and it’s been wonderful. I’m thinking, oh, oh, I wish we could have that weather over here and uh, and so we have. My wish has come true. Well, it’s the case. We don’t cope with it as well as you do.

Colby: 4:55

I don’t think I don’t know if you’re set up for it like we are, although you do often have double glazed windows in your houses, which we don’t, which is quite uncommon in south in australia. So heat transfer from outside to inside is a is an issue, but we do have air conditioning by and large in our houses. Um and look, I’ll correct you on one thing there is a difference between the hot weather in the uk and the hot weather here, particularly where I am, I’m in the UK, and the hot weather here, particularly where I am. I’m in the middle south part of Australia, in the driest state on the driest continent on earth. The heat is dry and whereas in your neck of the woods it’s humid, and we do have parts of Australia where the heat is humid. But I just don’t like humidity at all, having always been here and in fact funny story whenever I used to go to Ireland for work, I used to take jackets with me and never wore them.

Colby: 5:56

And uh one one day I was with my son. We were out on uh at a lighthouse on Fannad Head in uh County, donegal, so right out on the Atlantic Ocean, out in the west, and it was 10 degrees Celsius at the time and I was feeling warm in a T-shirt and a local Irish lady came up and started seemingly berating me and I couldn’t understand a word she was saying because she was berating me in irish and uh, and then, I think, when I looked perplexed enough, she corrected to um english and uh, yeah, it was just basically so. How can you possibly be standing out here in this force 10 gale in in in a t-shirt? But you know the humidity that you have there is just horrible from from my perspective, growing up in a dry environment well, I suppose, and the differences as well.

Andrew: 6:53

When you walk around here, especially springtime, the, the green color of the trees and the grass is fabulous. I’ve never I’ve traveled all over the world and I’ve never seen it recreated in in the way you get it for those few weeks in the spring, although the autumn is different, because you go to various parts of the usa and you have lovely autumn colors, but the spring green is uh, it lifts your spirits hugely yeah, so I got you on because you have had a long career in management and something of a post-career, but the career has been ongoing in social care and related sectors and I firstly just wanted to ask you, andrew, how you got into management in the social care setting.

Andrew: 7:52

Well, ironically, I used to work for Marriott International and they merged, which is a family company company, and they merged with a company called Sodexo, which is also predominantly a family company, and for some reason I ended up in the healthcare division in the UK for Sodexo, dealing with healthcare provision in the NHS hospitals, which I had no experience at all. But with sales and marketing and communications experience, you suddenly learn what you’ve got to do. So I found it interesting for a number of years. And then my old CEO moved sectors. He moved into the National Fostering Agency in the UK as a new CEO in the UK, as a new CEO, and you know, he and I got on extremely well and effectively.

Andrew: 8:55

I moved with him thinking, ah, what have I done? Well, your skills are transferable and actually it’s probably the best thing I ever did, because when you look at the difference you can make, particularly in children’s social care, it doesn’t matter whether it’s fostering or special needs education, you can use your skills to. Let’s take fostering, for example. Um, there was a very quaint view of quaint, perhaps that’s that’s a little bit unkind an old-fashioned view of foster, foster carers and how they were recruited, and you know what they did.

Andrew: 9:33

Um, and when the market in the uk was deregulated in the late 90s, there was an opportunity for independent fostering agencies to be created yeah um, and as part of that, then people had a choice as to whether they went to work for local governments to foster carer or they went to work for an independent fostering agency, and basically there’s never enough foster carers. I’ve never come across any country in the world where there’s enough foster carers that are doing it in a in a professional manner, and I think this is where we need to drive it forward even more in. Foster carers need to be regarded as being professional. Yeah, so I realized that, uh, part of my job would be how can we recruit foster carers in a more professional way? It also meant using my market marketing experience to to make sure that we we we gained the interest of people wanted to know about it, but once they wanted to know about it, making sure they were fully informed before they made their decisions and then making sure that during there’s a very lengthy assessment process in the uk probably on average takes at least six months, and that’s going through all the appropriate background tracks, blah, blah, blah but also, during that process, making sure they’re trained to deal with all sorts of things. Now, that was 20 odd years ago and it worked extremely well and we we recruited lots of foster carers, and our organization at the time became the largest provider of independent fostering services in the uk, and I thought, gosh, I need to learn more and more and more. So, part of my communication skills, I began getting involved with children’s Services Development Group as a member, and, looking at the legislation that applies to social care is outmoded and outdated because it was written for a time that doesn’t exist anymore.

Andrew: 11:40

If you look, should we say over the last say since around about 2010, there’s been a 30% increase in children in care in England and that’s a phenomenal amount. It’s gone from 60-odd thousand to 80-odd thousand. If then you might say, oh well, yeah, that’s only 30,000 children, but sit and look at what’s behind it. Look at the number of foster carers, look at the number of residential settings and then into your world, look at the number of therapies and and social care support that’s needed to ensure those children that should be at the focus of everything that everybody does that they can transit into adulthood and and develop a life for themselves. That’s pretty level-headed and straightforward. Doesn’t matter about whether they’re yeah, how, whether they go to university or not, but it’s about their life skills and all sorts of things. So you suddenly take that and you suddenly got a huge, huge range of support organizations that need to be there to help a young person on their journey through life, and when you get that in huge numbers, that then starts putting a huge amount of pressure on the infrastructure that’s actually used to support them.

Andrew: 13:07

I’ll I’ll take you back, maybe to the the financial banking crisis. At that particular point, um, lots of funds were taken out to make economies and and all sorts of things and, uh, give you, give you time on sure stocks. I know you know the early years of you. Know I’m as passionate about the early years as as as you are, in the sense that if you can intervene at an early stage with a young family, um, or a child, you can make such a difference in those early years where they don’t need support later on in life.

Andrew: 13:44

Now, probably about 30 or 40 percent of short start centers were lost during that financial period. Now everybody said, oh, that’s, that’s fine. Now, 10, 12, 14 years on, there is an influx of young middle teens people coming into the care system. Now I’m sure with your experience, you know the difference between looking after a 14, 15 year old, six foot two young man than it is a four or five year old. So that doubles the workload that you need to do to help them go through the issues that they’ve got, and often issues that they’ve developed over a long period of time. So, on top of that, you’ve increased the volume of what’s going through. But also, going back to the short start areas at the beginning, you’ve also lost the intellectual property that was around at those times. That isn’t passed down to new people that are coming into the sector. Yeah, so you do have at the moment, people entering the sector for all right reasons and great qualifications, etc.

Andrew: 14:58

What you don’t have is a huge amount of um older people work, older, more mature people that have been in sector a long time to be able to pass their knowledge on, and that’s that’s an area that um I I’m probably disappointed in life in, really, because, um I’m not a social worker and I have met social workers who’ve had who are career social workers and their understanding of how to help a child or a young person is phenomenal.

Andrew: 15:29

It’s almost um an automatic insight that they have with all the different types of uh elements that present themselves with the young person. So I suppose um rattling on a bit here, uh, as I worked through um with, with national fostering agency, I could see, along with my other senior colleagues, the more work, more work that needed to be done, um. And when I left, uh, um, nfa, or my quasi-retirement, so to speak, switching, I was fortunate enough to maintain my children’s services development group role, and, you know, as chair there an independent chair, because my company I actually work for are not members, that is, you know, a small membership organization of larger companies yes um.

Andrew: 16:30

You know, 90 percent of their um, their settings, are all rated outstanding or good. So the quality thresholds are there. But importantly, we can’t all say, because we’re we’re all outstandingly, you won’t have issues. You know, you’ve worked with children long enough to know that one issue and all sorts of things can go wrong. But they have an infrastructure set up to deal with a problem if a problem occurs at a grassroots level. Part of that also in the UK. It’s a mixed economy. Part of that also in the UK. It’s a mixed economy.

Andrew: 17:05

Overall in children’s services maybe 40, 43% of services are delivered by the independent sector and the rest by the state. But in England alone we have 150 plus local authorities with their own character, their own style, their own political backgrounds etc. So things are always done slightly differently. But legally the local authority is the corporate parent of a child in care and that counts as statutory obligations. And when you see the rises that we’ve talked about in volumes, you can actually see what the problem could be when one the legislation doesn’t change for it but sadly, when the funding doesn’t keep pace, yeah, yeah. So what worries me in today’s society is, you know, we don’t want the child to become a transaction People that are looking after and have responsibility for that child to look and say what does that child need? What does that young person need? How best can we work with them to deliver the right things they need to transition into adulthood?Colby: 18:23

And those questions, andrew, that you pose. They’re predicated on people who work in the sector having the time to stop and think about the young person and think about their needs and think about what services would be of assistance to them and what the outcomes look like. As it is, I think, in probably a great many jurisdictions around the world, including my own jurisdiction here in South Australia the exponential increase in the number of children coming into care, coupled with not enough funding to keep pace with that, has meant that the work has become more procedural and less reflective is how I put it.

Andrew: 19:12

I totally agree with you. You then look, and it doesn’t really matter which country you’re in certainly Australia or the UK most of the original legislation was created in the late 90s. Now, in the late 90s, bringing up a child was in a certain, you know, type of environment and setting. Today, the society doesn’t relate at all to what it was in the 90s. You know pressures on individual children, I mean especially with all the things they’re exposed to on social media, and you know the use of the internet and the you know lack of development of, you know, interaction with, with people. There’s 101 different things that people far more qualified than I can can recognize my, my view from, from, from trying to persuade the government to look at it. What’s appropriate to children and young people today is different to what it was 25 years ago. Yeah, you know, and you need then to reflect the type of service that you give them. If you take residential care.

Andrew: 20:26

Um, with residential, there are some children that benefit from being in residential care, whether that’s, you know, physical or mental or sensory, whatever it might be, there will be a need for residential care to be provided. Now, over the years, the uk has ended up with the majority of residential settings being provided by the independent organizations you know. Probably two-thirds of of local authorities do not either have any residential facilities or very few, and that’s just the way the the market goes. But then you have to question what type of child do we put into a residential care? What type of young person, what’s best for them? And you go back to saying what is it that young person needs? I know, and you know, that young person needs to be in a family orientated setting. Yep, foster care is by far the best setting for most children that need care outside their own families and that will provide them with a balance straightforward. So actually putting children into residential one is far more expensive, but doesn’t then bring the best out of them.

Andrew: 21:40

And then you take the next bit what other support do they need going around their foster care? What sort of trauma have they been through in their lives? Because, let’s face it, originally they’re in situations which they did not create themselves. So they they’re. Whether it’s, whether the families they’re born into, the situations they’re born into, was no original fault of their own. So therefore, once you understand that and saying right, okay, quite a lot of them could go into fostering. When they’re in fostering. Well support do we need to give the foster carers in order to deal with it? And secondly, what emotional support can they give them to get them through to their adulthood?

Andrew: 22:24

And in a lot of instances it is more than just training the foster carers. You do need external professionals to come in and help, particularly on the mental health side, in in being able to allow these young people to understand why their behavior is like it is, and then that in turn impacts on education, so they may be fall out of school. They’re excluded from school. Um, their, their, their learning becomes more inward looking and and here it just doesn’t happen. So, he’s, all right, you need some special educational needs.

Andrew: 23:02

Um, yeah, the best place for any child to to survive is within mainstream education, but the mainstream education has got to have the right facilities to encourage that young person, because they need to integrate back into the mainstream run in order to develop the social skills they need. And again, in a lot of instances mainstream school may not be the right place because there are here one-to-ones that probably need. I know schools where you have individual pupils that are probably needed. I know schools where you have individual pupils that are residential that require two or three adults 24-7. In those instances you put the price tag on that. That’s phenomenal. It might cost a lot of money, but that’s where the service is built around the child. So I’d love to go back to a situation where the social workers that are dealing with the child at the front line they’re dealing with a family where the where the child has come from, and they’re looking and say the foster care is where the child is planned to go, that they look at the matching skills behind it and they’re the ones that say this is the best setting for that child.

Andrew: 24:15

Yeah, doesn’t happen anymore. As you know, it goes up to. Well, this is, this is a transactional thing and this person x y z child x y z. You know that’s going to cost us this. That’s one of the alternatives that cost. Um, I don’t think that’s right, but I understand why we’ve got to that. But that’s looking and currently in the UK legislation is being changed phenomenally. There’s a big new bill going through Parliament currently which will bring a lot of things up to date, but that will require a lot of implementation.

Colby: 24:55

So you might have an Act of Parliament that’s passed, but then you’ve got to implement it, and that means detailed changes to regulation, to guidelines, which will take some time and look, there’s so much in that, in what you were talking about, and I think you’ve really laid it out in terms of that exponential increase in young people ending up in care in the UK over the last couple of decades.

Colby: 25:25

I want to take you back to your role in the National Fostering Agency and you talked a little bit earlier about recruitment of foster carers and I guess one of the biggest challenges has been, with that increase of young people coming into care, that there’s been a need to really step up the recruitment and you’ve been competing, I guess as well, recruitment, and you’ve been competing, I guess as well, with other independent bodies that came into the marketplace, so to speak. I’m really interested to hear about and I’m sure our listeners will be about the recruitment of foster carers, your experience as when you’re in the National Fostering Agency, what you thought helped or hindered that process of securing enough quality foster carers.

Andrew: 26:26

Yeah, I think, if you go back to the basics of foster care recruitment, it’s you need to attract the right person for the right reasons in the first instance, um, and going back a number of years, there was a situation where you could assure them well, actually, you’re not doing it all for nothing.

Andrew: 26:45

You are being given fees in which to cover your costs and and the time that you spend, because there there is a statute tax benefit statute in the UK which we managed a couple of years ago to get doubled so that they can have these fees which won’t attract income tax, and that’s part of it in today’s cost of living crisis. But going back to your original question, there’s a sort of rule of thumb. Really. Most people react to something on the third prompt. So, if you get interest from somebody who may have watched a tv program where fostering has been involved, and many of the soap operas, um, certainly in the uk, which I’m sure are broadcast in australia as well um have had storylines based around fostering now, I know that because we advised on on a number of them and you’re watching that and you think, oh, you know, you know our kids are getting older or left home empty nesters, all that sort of thing maybe we could foster.

Andrew: 27:52

And they think about it, um, and and, as they’re going through their daily life, they might see an article in a magazine, they might see something online, they might look at one of your podcasts, um, or they, they, they might see huge recordings, I mean, whatever it might be, might then be a second prompt and then probably a year or months or whatever later, they will come across a situation that they recognize on the how, the call to action, how to do it, and this could have a period of a few months, or typically that is over a year or so. Whilst people think about it, you know, and they then they’re, they’re moving from oh, it’s in there to. Well, actually, we really need to look about this now that at that point, whoever is providing the service and whomsoever they contact need to be aware of community and location. It is no good somebody in the north of england talking to somebody on the south coast telling them what it’s like on the south coast. They would need to talk to somebody in their, their vicinity, part of their community, that say in our community we have this number of children that need looking after. These are the types of children they are, and this is where you could make a good difference in that dialogue explaining the child and then understanding from the potential foster carers where they feel their skills like, bearing in mind that none of them would necessarily, apart from bringing up their own children, would would have any knowledge, and that’s when you talk to them about. Well, if you’re interested in looking after teenagers, then the type of training we give you will help you deal with situations you will come across and you know where your own, your own experience with your own teenagers is hugely helpful, but these probably are not as typical as your own kids would be. So that’s the process, then. Is is talking to them and not pressurizing and understanding what they have to go through to get it. Now, that’s part of it, and once I think, ok, I’m going to put my toes in the water and I’m going to fill in this application form, which is hugely long, can make the difference in talking to people and explaining this is hard, but the results are worth it.

Andrew: 30:41

And and going through the assessment process is challenging. Uh, it does go, you know. It does dig into your innermost thoughts, your personal life. It’s, you know. It can expose an awful lot of things. It talks to your family, all sorts of stuff. Yeah, for all the right reasons, because safeguarding is paramount for the child.

Andrew: 31:01

Um, so going back again is how do you approach people now in today’s society? Can let’s come up to date. Now you’ve got metropolitan cities? Uh, you know, you’ve know, london, manchester, birmingham, melbourne, sydney, etc. Property prices through the roof. If you’re in london and you’ve got a couple of spare rooms and you want to, should we say, increase your money into the household, you could probably rent the room out to to somebody for a lot more than you would get fostering. So therefore the property value becomes an issue.

Andrew: 31:39

You then have a lot of exposure in the media about accusations and allegations from children and young people and that people will say do I really want to go through that?

Andrew: 31:53

Yeah, because if you look through, you know, and yes, you know, these things happen and sometimes they’re they’re not good. I can mention a couple of cases in the uk where immediately, you would be fully aware of what what it was about, but there are also allegations made that aren’t uh, you know, aren’t true, and that has a huge effect on potential foster carers in the first place. Yeah, so the balance of how you talk to foster carers or potential foster carers when they’re interested is really, really important understanding, understanding their motivation. If I were talking to somebody that wanted to go into it, I would ask them what they were worried about first, what worries you about becoming a foster care? Because that way you’re bringing it to the front and not leaving it in the background somewhere, so that halfway through their assessment they’ve had enough. When they go to the more difficult training, well, you know what to do with, with restraint and all that sort of stuff um, you know they’re more equipped for that.

Andrew: 33:08

So, apart from recruitment, there’s also retention of foster carers yeah yeah, particularly those maybe had a bad experience or who haven’t been able to manage a particular placement and there’s been a placement breakdown. You then got to look at how you deal with that. Um, I’m at a couple in london and, um, they’d been long-term foster carers. They have three young people. They were full-time, they didn’t have other jobs. One young person was disabled but they went on all the relevant training to deal with his disability Great. They had a couple of other young people in one who had special educational needs and one who was a great kid with the other two. That makes sense.

Andrew: 34:03

And when one of the children moved on, they then turned to preparing babies for adoption, which the adoption process can be interminably long, even for little babies, and often they would have those babies from, you know, a couple of days old or a few weeks old, through to two or three. During that period, in order that child develops, they have to attach. So the child itself is going through the normal procedure and this couple were phenomenal at this and and the problem happens then when an adoptive parent is found and they then go through a number of months when they’re working with the adoptive family to transfer across and, you know all the usual things about the day-to-day routine, and then the day comes when the baby is handed over or the young child is handed over. They maintain contact for questions, questions, that sort of thing. And then we found the.

Andrew: 35:11

It was almost like a bereavement process for the foster carers. How then do we counsel them to? You know, they know what they’ve done is for the best interest of the young person child, but how do they deal with the emotional side of then relinquishing those two or three years and relinquishing, uh, and then the, um, the, the husband, um, he used to go for about three days into his shed for the bottom of the gut and bang nails into bits of wood and scream and yell at himself to get out that, yeah, um. So we, we developed at that point, uh, quite a lot of, uh, little bits of counseling that will wrap around them, make sure that they went through the process and realized they weren’t on their own. But that is a a difficulty within fostering. If you’re doing that, I so admire those people because you know you’re you’re an attachment specialist. I mean, I, I would struggle with that.

Colby: 36:23

I don’t know if you would uh, to perform the role Absolutely, and certainly for the children as well. I mean, children will not be unaffected by this process as well, and one of the things that you’ve talked about in terms of the recruitment of foster carers is that balance of what you say to them, how you prepare them in the early stages of them expressing their interest and then through the assessment process. And what I heard you say is that it’s important to be realistic and it’s. It’s interesting because I um, I have in in an earlier part of my career, I was involved in inter-country adoption assessments, assessing couples who wanted to adopt children, uh, from overseas, and everything was upbeat about it. You know, these were people who were going to ensure that children grew up in a family environment as opposed to an institution in a third world country, and it was also very positive.

Colby: 37:36

And then there was a movie that was made about the two lads that were adopted by a. Well, two lads were adopted by a couple in New Zealand from India. It centred around one of those particular lads and I cannot remember the name of it, but it was a very good portrayal of how complicated it is raising children who have experienced relational traumas or attachment traumas, at the least. And if a child has grown up in a family until they’re three and then they go to another family, there are consequences associated with that. And I’m well and truly on the side of being as open and transparent as we can be about both, both the the blessings and the and the curses, so to speak, because I think people need to be, they need to be prepared, and then that feeds into retention, of course, because you you don’t want people who find six months in 12 months, in two years, into providing a placement or placements that this is not what they were told it was going to be, because then you’ve got potential um harm for them, the foster, the foster parents who have to relinquish children because it is not what they were expecting.

Colby: 39:18

Usually they’ve not felt supported enough or that the decisions that are taken by the child protection authorities are run counter to what they think should happen. And in my jurisdiction, and I’m sure in plenty of others, birth family connection and birth family contact is one of those vexed issues, those vexed issues. So it’s not only is it tremendously impactful for foster carers to come to the realisation that this is not what they signed up for and that it is harming them in some way. But then those children as well, those children that have been in their home, the impact for them of a foster placement that has to come to an end. A lot of what you’re saying is really resonating with me. If you can’t tell the story, warts and all then how can people be prepared for it?

Andrew: 40:22

Yes, and I think you have to be truthful and establish what their worries are. But then you must also outline the benefits. Just to give you another example, a couple I know have three young people with them a brother and sister and now a six or seven-year-old. And the two older children were in a bit of a state when they arrived and this couple have done some amazing work with them, to the extent that um the issues with with family contacts was were dealt with. Um, and the two older children are now in a position to choose and select, and they chose no further family contact. It was their choice and they had all the right support in doing it. But the older children now, when they get to 18, want to change their name to that of their foster carers. That’s an amazingly successful placement where the two older children have been there eight, nine years now and they feel as if they’re in a fully fledged family environment. But they are also working with their foster parents on a younger child that’s come in who has been through a very traumatic time, and the youngsters are helping and I just think that’s quite wonderful.

Andrew: 41:59

So I suppose what you’ve got to, you’ve got to look at, is we often hear. Well, we regularly hear when things go wrong. What you don’t hear about is when things go right, and you know there, there are so many wonderful stories out there where things go right. Um, and it’s getting that balance. My other hobby horse is what happens at 18 um, because the law tell me what you think the law at the moment in the uk at 18 is?

Andrew: 42:26

Tell me what you think the law at the moment in the UK. 18 is a cliff edge for young people Transition into adulthood, Up to 18, there is a corporate parent structure where there are statutory obligations and they’re dealing with one agency. Day after their 18th birthday they deal with eight, nine, ten different agencies. Now you tell me what young person at 18 that’s had a pretty traumatic upbringing being stabilized by by good foster carers? How on earth are they going to cope with that? You know it’s your own children. You don’t kick out at 18. The downside is, whilst there’s a lot of rhetoric going on about it, the foster carers who make their life as foster carers, so the fees they receive per their mortgage and their bills and things like that, have no option, option at 18.

Andrew: 43:28

But if they’ve got a spare room, move on to the next young person coming in. If the older child is to say, there is a facility called staying put in the uk but the finances of that don’t work for the foster carer. So you imagine you’ve got. You know we did some uh cstg quite a lot of research a few years ago in terms of what happens to kids post 18. 23 of the uk prison population has been through the care system or contact with the care system. Yeah, there are 18 plus are seven times more likely to commit suicide than their peers.

Andrew: 44:12

We worked with a couple of homeless charities and the number of young people that were sofa hopping because they had nowhere to live. Because they had nowhere to live it. How on earth do we expect them to move into and become self-sufficient when we don’t track them through? So my advocacy at the moment is we need to do something to take on. And yes, there is statutory legislation. You get the the uh, the rhetoric back that they should do this. We look after laughed until they’re 25. Yes, the law is there that highlights that at a senior level, but where is the practical input.

Andrew: 44:56

You look at the stats and how many kids have lost contact with their original corporate parent. Therefore, we haven’t tracked where they’ve gone. And in today’s society they they fall so much easy, easily into the wrong areas. They become more statistics. There was a study done by the national economic foundation a number of years ago now probably more years than I care to remember. I think it still brings true every pound that was invested in a looked after child will have a life cycle of 16 pounds. As you go through now you hear the numbers on that. It’s huge amounts of money. If you reduce the number of looked after children or children that’ve been through the care system in prison, you release almost a billion pounds worth of cost out of the justice system.

Colby: 45:51

Yeah, I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to hear it, but Graham Kerridge was a very interesting podcast guest of mine, one of the earlier podcasts. He’d worked at the beginning of his career in the Cotswold community and had thereafter gone into international health development, health management quite an illustrious career. But he got me thinking about well. He was very interested in human capital and that was what led him to get involved in social care at the beginning of his career. And when we create a better life for a young person, we’re also creating a better life for their long-term partner, their children and their grandchildren. Potentially that human capital created is intergenerational in effect, and also, as you say, the services that and this is tied up in the whole early intervention movement and the rationale behind its importance. But if we can keep our young people out of institutions like the justice institutions, there’s an untold capital almost.

Colby: 47:15

When you’re talking about well, another podcast guest of mine you’ve touched on it a couple of times, but her name is Adela Holmes. She had this. It sends a chill down your spine quote that the great aspiration of children in care, children who have grown up in care, is an ordinary life. And wouldn’t that be great if they could just have an ordinary life, have their own children successfully raise those children, have grandchildren, and the saving not just the saving but the benefit to society of that happening is You’re so right because there’s been some fiscal studies on early intervention that if you invest one pound up front you’ll double your returns very quickly.

Andrew: 48:16

Up front in the early years will just save you so much money going forward. And that’s perhaps trying to change the narrative of how chancellors of the Exchequer and treasury ministers look at spending. It’s all short-term budget now, because maybe in five years time or 10 years time they’re no longer going to be in power. They’re not worried about that. Yeah, I would love a politician to say if we spend this now, these are the benefits of the country over 10, 15 years and you drive through.

Andrew: 48:49

You talked about the human capital. Now you take that and I want an ordinary life. So my human capital is going to develop. I will get a job, I will pay my taxes, I will have a partner, I will have children. They will grow up in a more secure environment. They will grow up in a more secure environment. They will grow up normally. Of course they’re going to need health care and dental care and schooling and that sort of stuff, but hopefully then they will move into job. So you then start creating revenue for the country as well.

Andrew: 49:20

Incidentally, but the person that kicked it all off the child account wanted an ordinary life. But the person that kicked it all off the child account wanted an ordinary life gets their wish granted and they become happy, as contented as they could. But they could best they could possibly be as a human being, and it doesn’t matter if you, you know, rich as creases or as poor as a church mouse. It’s about are you content as a human being that you’ve done your very best in everything that you do? And if you could give those young people the skills to be as good as they could possibly be, then that investment early on pays huge dividends to society. Every time you open a newspaper or you look online at news, there’s some sort of disaster regarding young people or you know young families. There’s a major crisis going on and you think, if you went back, how could that have been avoided? For a kickoff not knocking the backside out of early start, you know, 15, 20 years ago. I wonder if you can come back to that yeah, yeah.

Andrew: 50:33

It is something, but I mean it is what it is and we are where we are, but now we need to make sure that the money invested is invested correctly. The best place for any child that needs non-family you know none non-birth family help is in a family environment. It’s the same the whole world over. But I think the focus on that but it’s the short term the short-termism by governments all over the world is probably a fault there.

Colby: 51:06

Yeah.

Andrew: 51:07

And the narrative, the whole narrative needs to change, but change in any first world country takes time. And it’s not, you know it’s not political gold. That’s the problem. You know, the problem is always going to be there and children’s services tend to be a Cinderella service across the world.

Colby: 51:30

What do you mean by that? Sorry?

Andrew: 51:33

What do you mean by that? A Cinderella service that it’s out of sight, out of mind? If it’s just plodding along, that’s fine. The minute it makes a headline, something done about it, yeah. But most of the time it doesn’t make the headlines, because the much more interesting things that you know that politicians say and do that people want to read about and I don’t think the societal change over the last couple of decades is is reflected in how we look after our children. These days we’re very much reliant on processes, procedures, and we’ve always done it this way. That’s right.

Colby: 52:18

Somebody needs to make a change. That’s a nice spot to pause and reflect on. I mean, we were talking about it early on and I said that whenever you’re in a or I would say that whenever your resources are stretched, you’re time poor and otherwise your resources are stretched in whatever role that you’re performing. We do have a. There seems to be a human inclination to become very procedural. This is how we’ve always done it Stop thinking, stop stopping and thinking, but just becoming very procedural and I’ve said it in a number of podcasts Our service delivery, in those circumstances where we’re not thinking about ourselves and not thinking about the person, the recipient of our services, when they’re received procedural, they can be quite heartless and that that’s, that’s not a good outcome. Andrew, thank you for agreeing to come on. I always there’s so much I could talk to you about. There was so much in there that I could follow up on, and maybe, if you came, we might set up another time down the track a little ways and explore it a little bit more.

Andrew: 53:44

I particularly would love to talk to you more about the Children’s Services development group, um, as well yeah, yeah, quietly in the background, they do a huge amount of work to try and let politicians understand what the real world of children’s services is about yeah, yeah now, andrew, yeah yeah, well, I’d love to as well.

Colby: 54:10

Now, I always always well these. I’ve started a trend of giving my my podcast guests an opportunity to ask me a question at the end of the podcast.

Andrew: 54:18

I wonder if there’s a question without notice you’d like to um launch onto me, so to speak well, I think one of one of the things that I’ve always uh you know, admired, enjoyed and agreed with is how can we teach ordinary folk, whether they be parents, foster carers or workers in our sector, how can we give them simple tools to help with making children more resilient to their circumstances? What would you say, the simple tools that foster carers, ordinary parents, can use when they’re helping children, so those children in today’s society become more resilient?

Colby: 55:10

Yeah, well, it’s a good question. I think I don’t know if I’m aligned with others or a little bit different from others, but I often think that complex problems are not easily solved with complex solutions. Yeah, and in actual fact, the solved with complex solutions? Yeah, and in actual fact, the problem with complex solutions, such that they depart from conventional caregiving, they’re hard to implement and they’re hard to sustain over time. And our children, particularly our children, who have experienced disruption, attachment disruption, loss and trauma in their life, if there’s one thing that that triggers them, that gets them going, is inconsistency.

Colby: 56:02

So the last thing you want to do, I think, is to advocate an approach to caregiving of our young people that is even difficult to implement in the first place, but certainly difficult to maintain over time, and particularly in the face of our young people. You know the ship doesn’t turn around quickly very often, and and and people can lose hope, you know, or lose faith in, in, in the worth of of strategies, and then they’ll revert back to some other previous approach. Now that’s the big problem is the reverting back. So our young people, just you know they’re left with thinking, oh, are you going to be like this or are you going to be like that? Are you going to be like that and how long is going to be like that? Are you going to be like that, and how long is that going to go on for before you end up coming back? So my view is that we need to have a look at conventional aspects of caregiving and relating that are very powerful and very important to the recovery, the reasonable recovery, that we can expect our young people to make. I say that because I think we’re all impacted by what happens during our childhood, and the best of us and everyone else as well, and so I think our children retain some enduring sensitivities, but we can put them on that path that you talk about of being resilient to challenges in life, of achieving that goal of an ordinary life where we um, where they get um, caregiving, that um is conventional, so it doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb, it’s not triggering. This is this is not what I’ve seen or experienced before necessarily um, and I say that because all kids who come into care have experienced some level of conventional care prior to removal. It’s just been inadequate, grossly inadequate often enough, but conventional approaches to caregiving and relating are still recognisable to the children. So all that by way of our children coming to care. Often enough, they’ve had a disrupted period of growth and development at the beginning of their life.

Colby: 58:40

So the things that we know that support happy, healthy babies and positive growth and development are things like a fairly consistent home environment with consistent carers, caregivers. Those caregivers are there for them, are accessible to them. They don’t spend a long time away from the infants. If they do move away, they check in on them frequently and in in doing that, the infant first learns you’re the people that look after me and later learns you’ll still be there to look after me even when I can’t see you hear, you smell, you touch, you taste you. In those circumstances they develop an appropriate understanding that that the people who look after them truly are there for them, are accessible to them.

Colby: 59:37

When their tummy is feeling uncomfortable after a feed, they get burped. When their nappy’s feeling a bit uncomfortable and wet and yucky, they get changed. When they’re needing comfort, they get held. When they’re tired, they get put to sleep. When they’re hungryucky, they get changed when they want to. When they’re needing comfort, they get held. When they’re tired, they get put to sleep. When they’re hungry, they get fed.

Colby: 59:56

So the infant’s experience is that that the people who look after them understand their experience, understand what’s going on for them, and they can trust you can trust this person because they understand me. And then they and and not only do they understand what’s going on for me, they respond to what I need, and when I’m happy, they’re happy. When I’m sad, they’re sad. When I’m screaming the house down, they’re looking like they’re about to have a meltdown, but then they get themselves under control and they come back and they calm down. And that’s so reassuring for me as a small child that I can trust this person to understand me in their thoughts, in their words, in their actions and in their expressed emotions. But they will then help me regulate back to a calm and contented place.

Colby: 1:00:50

So you did ask the question. This is a rather long answer, but what I’m really getting to is that those things that were really key during infancy and early childhood, that were often inadequate in our children in care, they’re the things that we need to enrich and put back in and make sure that our young people have a really good experience of it. It might look a bit different to how you do it with a baby, undoubtedly, unless you’ve got a baby in your care, it will look different. But what you want is a household that has some things that are consistent about it that the care that is delivered, including these other things I’m going to say, are delivered consistently. That you check in with the child or young person proactively. You just bob your head in, see how they’re going, so that they have the experience that you’re thinking of them, aware of them, and you’re there for them. That when you bob your head in, you notice what they’re doing In your words, rather than asking a question, you might say to them oh, you’re really getting into that game. I’ve seen you watching a lot of this program. You obviously love it. But they experience this as understanding them, just as the infant does when we change them when it needs changed or we feed them when they’re hungry, and that we, we anticipate some of their requests, their reasonable requests, that we would respond to and we delete. We respond to them without them having to ask their experiences. Wow, the I can trust this person. They understand my needs and respond to them without me having to push their buttons and pulling their strings.

Colby: 1:02:35

And play is every carer’s superpower. When you play, we fall into sync the adult and the child. You know we have a good time together, there’s good moments of emotional connection, and then the adult doesn’t let it go too far and they regulate back to calm and the kids come with us. They’re not, they’re not difficult. I mean a good example.

Colby: 1:03:00

Often our kids love all kids love hide and seek. But often our kids in out-of-home care really love hide and seek but they’re really bad at it because they can’t that when, when you get them to go and hide, they can’t hide without calling out I’m here, you’re getting close to the cup again, because they want to be found. That hide and seek such a great game because it it it helps children to tolerate temporary separations. But for our kids in care, it’s a great game because it helps them to experience that they will be found. So there you go.

Colby: 1:03:43

That was probably a 10-minute answer. You might have anticipated a five-minute one. But, yeah, being consistent, being consistent, accessible, responsive and emotionally connected to our kids, that’s the what I would. Um, yeah, thank you. Thank you again, andrew. Now, andrew, I’m gonna do something that, um, you’re the first person I’m going to do this, for it was a suggestion that was made by my colleague and somewhat of a silent partner for this podcast, Patrick Tomlinson. He has suggested it might be a good idea to get podcast guests to think of a question for the next guest. Now, I think that would be a little bit hard, a bit rough, unless you knew who the next guest was. So I’m going to tell you and I’m not going to tell anyone else, thank you.

Breaking Cycles: Healing Across Generations with Dr. Lisa Cherry

The Transformative Power of Trauma-Informed Practice: Insights from Dr. Lisa Cherry

In a compelling conversation on the Secure Start podcast, Dr. Lisa Cherry shares profound insights on trauma-informed practice, drawing from her 35 years of experience working with vulnerable children and young people. As the Director of Trauma Informed Consultancy Services Limited and author of several influential books, Dr. Cherry brings a unique perspective that combines academic knowledge, professional expertise, and powerful lived experience.

One of the most striking themes throughout the discussion is the concept of breaking intergenerational cycles. Dr. Cherry reflects on raising her own children, now 26 and 28, and how this process confronted her with her own childhood experiences. “People often talk about breaking cycles,” she notes, “and for me, it’s about breaking cycles. There are some things that just repeat, but actually there are some cycles that can be broken.” This perspective highlights the intergenerational nature of trauma work – we’re not just helping individuals in front of us but potentially influencing generations to come.

Dr. Cherry’s journey from being in care herself to becoming homeless, then eventually finding her way to university and a career advocating for vulnerable young people, provides a powerful narrative thread throughout the conversation. Her experience of writing to the director of social services as a child and making complaints in children’s homes foreshadowed her future career path. This early advocacy demonstrates how lived experience can shape professional passion and purpose, providing authentic insight that academic knowledge alone cannot offer.

Language emerged as a critical focus in the discussion. Dr. Cherry emphasizes the urgent need to address how we talk about children and young people in care systems. “The language that is used to describe children and young people is hugely problematic,” she states. “It’s hugely problematizing of those children and young people, and it shapes and forms the way that they are viewed and the way that they are seen.” This observation highlights how seemingly small linguistic choices can perpetuate harm and influence both service delivery and children’s self-perception.

Another key insight focuses on understanding behaviour as communication. Dr. Cherry challenges practitioners to recognize that children rarely have the capacity to articulate their trauma verbally. Instead, they show their struggles through behaviour. This perspective requires professionals to develop self-awareness about their own nervous system responses and relationship with shame. As Dr. Cherry explains, “It’s very, very difficult to think about behaviour as communication if you don’t have the time and space to think about how you communicate your own distress when you’re distressed.”

The podcast conversation also examines the systemic challenges facing care and education services. Dr. Cherry highlights how reduced funding, diminished capacity, and increasingly procedural approaches make genuine relational work more difficult. “We have to stop thinking about people as machines fulfilling a role,” she insists. “This is relational work. Relational work is deep, it’s meaningful, it’s connecting.” This observation points to the need for systems that prioritize connection and proper staff wellbeing to enable truly transformative work with vulnerable young people.

Dr. Cherry’s three books – “The Brightness of Stars,” “Conversations that Make a Difference for Children and Young People,” and “Weaving a Web of Belonging” – each contribute unique perspectives to the field of trauma-informed practice. Her focus on making these books accessible and practical for busy practitioners demonstrates her commitment to creating real-world impact. Her current focus on supporting the wellbeing of practitioners themselves recognizes that those doing the direct work with traumatized children need profound support themselves.

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Watch here:

About Lisa:

Dr Lisa Cherry is the Director of Trauma Informed Consultancy Services Ltd leading a dynamic and creative organisation that provides a ‘one stop’ approach to delivering on research, consultancy and learning and development.

Lisa is an author, researcher, leading international trainer and consultant, specialising in assisting schools, services and systems to create systemic change to the way that we work with those experiencing and living with, the legacy of trauma.

Lisa has been working in and around Education and Children’s Services for over 35 years and combines academic knowledge and research with professional expertise and personal experience.

Lisa has worked extensively across many sectors with Social workers, Educators, Probation Workers and those in Adult Services, training and speaking to over 35,000 people around the world including in the US, Australia and Pakistan and across the whole of the UK.

Lisa has produced multiple pieces of research for various settings and Lisa’s own MA research looked at the impact on education and employment for care experienced adults who experienced school exclusion as children in the 1970’s and 1980’s.

In February 2024 Lisa completed her DPhil research at The University of Oxford in the Department of Education. The research asked “How do care experienced adults who were also excluded from school make sense of belonging?”

Lisa is the author of the hugely successful and award winning book ‘Conversations that make a difference for Children and Young People’ (2021), ‘The Brightness of Stars’ 3rd Edition (2022) and Weaving a Web of Belonging: Developing a Trauma-Informed Culture for All Children (2025).

Related Podcasts:

Dr Hayley Lugassy

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:01

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Lisa: 0:04

Taking your children into adulthood is probably one of the deepest education experiences that I’ve had. People often talk about breaking cycles, breaking the cycle and for me it’s about breaking cycles. There are some things that just repeat, but actually there are some cycles that can be broken, and being able to really be present, be connected, be consistent, for my children as adults feels to me like a really beautiful breaking of a cycle. We have to stop thinking about children coming out of care and that’s the end of service. The people who are doing the work you know the direct work are giving something of themselves every time they do that, and what I’m focused on in my next book is how do we make sure that those people, that the people doing that work are looked after in a really deeply and profound way so that they can do that work?

Lisa: 1:20

We need to sort out the language. The language that is used to describe children and young people is hugely problematic. It’s very, very difficult to think about behaviour as communication if you don’t have the time and space to think about how you communicate your own distress when you’re distressed. And this is what happens when you starve systems and you reduce capacity and you take away funding and you make the work really, really intense. Unfortunately, it makes real relational work much harder.

Colby: 2:01

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is an author, researcher and leading international trainer and consultant who specialises in assisting schools, services and systems to create change to the way that we work with those experiencing and living with the legacy of trauma. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge that I’m meeting with them on Kaurna land, and I’d just also like to acknowledge the continuing connection that the living Kaurna people feel to land, waters, culture and community, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest for this episode is Dr Lisa Cherry. Lisa is the Director of Trauma Informed Consultancy Services Limited. She leads a dynamic and creative organisation that provides a one-stop approach to delivering on research, consultancy and learning and development.

Colby: 3:12

Lisa has been working in and around education and children’s services for over 35 years and combines academic knowledge and research with professional expertise and personal experience. Lisa’s MA research looked at the impact on education and employment for care experienced adults who experienced school exclusion as children in the 1970s and 80s. In February 2024, lisa completed her Doctor of Philosophy research at the University of Oxford. The research asked how do care experienced adults who are also excluded from school make sense of belonging. Lisa is the author of the hugely successful and award winning book Conversations that Make a Difference for Children and Young People, published in 2021, as well as the Brightness of Stars, which is in its third edition, and Weaving a Web of Belonging Developing a Trauma-Informed Culture for All Children, which has been published this year. Welcome Lisa.

Lisa: 4:23

Thank you, Colby. It’s lovely to be here and thank you for such a warm introduction.

Colby: 4:30

You’re welcome. Is there anything that I left out that you think is important for our listeners to know about the work that you’ve done and continue to do?

Lisa: 4:40

Well, listen, bios are just inherently quite uncomfortable to listen to, aren’t they? Because they sound so, you know, like Formal, like yeah, they’re just like a lot, which is lovely, and at this stage of life, you would expect to have a bio that’s got quite a lot of stuff in it, because you know you’ve been yeah, I’ve been around a long time. I guess the only other thing that would be worth mentioning is that I have two adult children and I’m a grandma, and um, taking your children into adulthood is is probably one of the deepest education experiences that I’ve had.

Colby: 5:26

I’ve always said the same yeah, I mean, it’s probably our greatest achievement, isn’t it? And also our greatest. Our kids are often our greatest teachers.

Lisa: 5:38

Oh God, I mean, it’s really difficult to even talk about them without feeling emotional. You know it’s such an emotional thing and I think, when you’ve also had to recover from your own childhood experiences and felt some of the weight of that appear in your own children in that intergenerational way, that that works. That is very confronting. It’s very confronting.

Lisa: 6:12

There were periods that were like being in therapy every day you know, as as that experience is mirrored back and I’m now at a place they’re 26 and 28, and I’m now at a place where I see what’s mirrored back is more healing and more recovery and just how much connection and support your children need, with a deep, deep awareness that I had nothing like that. And so when we think about I listen to people often talk about breaking cycles, breaking the cycle, and for me it’s about breaking cycles. There are some things that just repeat, but actually there are some cycles that can be broken, and being able to really be present, be connected, be consistent for my children as adults feels to me like a really beautiful breaking of a cycle.

Colby: 7:20

Yeah, yeah, wonderful. We’ve heard some other stories on the podcast so far, one in particular in Graham Kerridge’s podcast that really reflected the significance of breaking the cycle, and it’s something that is very near and dear to my heart. It’s something that is very near and dear to my heart, and I often think that our work is intergenerational as well in its impacts. Sure, and so it’s not just the person or the people in front of us that we’re effectively working with. We’re working with their spouse, future spouses or part life partners there and their own children and grandchildren through, as you say, what transmits through, through the generations so it’s very powerful and important work that we do.

Lisa: 8:22

Yeah, I love that and I love that kind of circle of life. You know, and I always talk about healing Often we might be healing an ancestral wound we don’t even know we’re carrying. That is from somewhere completely different. And when we’re talking about children and young people who’ve experienced fractured childhoods and adoption and care and all of those things, then they’re often working with something within themselves which will appear across the life course that they might not know where that comes from, they might not know they’re even healing and that’s deep.

Colby: 9:05

And then when you bounce into the future and you start thinking about the future, those future spouses and future children I just think it’s such, it’s such a privilege and it’s such beautiful work yeah, it was interesting because, um, graham got me thinking about this and his training was as an economist and his interest was in human capital, and it was such a totally different way of thinking about the work we do, because I’m not an economist.

Colby: 9:43

In fact, um, my bank balance reflects very, very well that that that is the case, but, um, yeah, yeah, but I mean it was it’s a nice way of putting it anyway the looking at it from a human capital point of view, that I hadn’t done that before, but, yes, certainly I have been for a while, um, very much aware of that intergenerational impact of our work. Lisa, I think people who know you would know that your work in this space is influenced by personal experience growing up. Um is influenced by personal experience growing up, um, but I wonder if you, if you can perhaps say just in your own words, what got you into the work, um, that you’ve been doing this past 35 years or so?

Lisa: 10:40

yeah, I mean it’s. It’s a really interesting one, isn’t it? And, without a shadow of a doubt, my experience of being in care has, you know, provided me with my work, and I guess there are aspects of that that are part of me and my personality and the things that I care about and I’m passionate about, like you know, I remember as a very young child being very passionate about justice, being very passionate about the society that we lived in, um, and so I guess I could have gone into different avenues. I wanted to be Kate Adie. I wanted to be a war correspondent. You know I was.

Lisa: 11:22

I thought that looked absolutely amazing and, of course, going in know, doing research is is kind of like, really sophisticated. You know, I don’t know if researchers would like this, but journalism and research really sit closely together and I was always very interested by journalism and wanting to tell stories and wanting to highlight things that were wrong and that needed change, and I felt that very much growing up. But going into care of course exposes you to a world that is very different than a world that you would see if you weren’t in care. So you start being exposed to a whole range of professions you might be, you’ll be exposed to residential social workers, to foster carers, to social workers. Nowadays you’ll also have CAMHS workers and of back then also IROs, you know, an independent reviewing officer, and there’s all these different types of jobs.

Lisa: 12:29

And if you’re not really engaged in education for because you’ve got like loads of stuff going on um, then it’s almost like a kind of careers um opening up. You know there’s all these types of jobs and there’s these ways of doing things. So I think the combination of who I was and I was the sort of um child who was often writing to the director of social services and making complaints and, you know, kind of seeking justice in the in in the children’s home and stuff like that um and that combination I think, then of seeing people and also experiencing um a social worker I’m still in contact with Eunice who, who I always refer to as the the only social worker whose name I remember, you know we’d sit in her Ford Escort. I’d be crying, going why is everything so shit, and she’d be making me feel better and I thought that looks like a great. Get a ford escort and you get to make people feel better.

Colby: 13:31

Give me the ford escort bit a bit yeah, what’s not to love about that?

Lisa: 13:37

you know, so, at sort of 15, 15, 16 she. She was my social worker only for about a year and a half, but, um, very influential. Um, probably not at the time realizing how influential she was, but I kind of looked at um different social workers and thought I like I would like to do that, so that’s, those seeds were then planted. I mean, unfortunately, coming out of care I then had, I was homeless for a couple of years and I didn’t have an education because I had been expelled from schools. And you know, that came a bit later and I was lucky enough to get some funding to do a sociology degree, um, at the age of 21. Um, I had to do a couple of a levels which I was pretty diabolical at, but I obviously ticked the right boxes help me the right, help me boxes and and got into uni and and did sociology, which just further really cemented um how I felt about wanting to create change socially. Um, so, yeah, yeah and Lisa I’m.

Colby: 14:52

There’s a lot in there, but I’m the first thing that I was recalling, and I think you shared you must have shared this video at one stage was a younger version of yourself on a. Was a younger version of yourself being interviewed on a talk show about. That must be back around that time that you were at university and maybe even before. But talking about young people in care.

Lisa: 15:16

Yeah, so I guess because I was very articulate, pretty feisty and have a bit of a streak of determination in me, that did get picked up when I was younger, from different organizations and I’d been in a night shelter um around the age of 17, 18 um called Centrepoint um who are a big charity for youth homelessness in the UK and at the time a man called Nick Hardwick was the CEO and once I’d come out of that we’d kind of stayed in touch a bit. I’d been housed. I was then at uni and he asked me if I’d go on this Channel 4 programme about homelessness with John Snow, who’s an incredibly wonderful journalist, who’s retired now from his time on Channel 4 News element and wanting to create change and going through that process of being quite vulnerable. Because you know, I think when I met Nick many years later you know he said that they had only just started thinking about children coming out of care and homelessness. That actually the vision at the time so I’m going back to the late 80s, early 90s was very much that homelessness was a step you know this idea of an older male drinking.

Lisa: 16:55

You know that there wasn’t a real deep understanding about children coming out of care and being homeless, which which so many of us were, and that piece was part of a massive campaign. We did lots of things. We did Channel 4. We did lots of newspaper items and magazines and all sorts of things to really raise awareness that children were coming out of care and they were becoming homeless for lots of different reasons, you know. One of them might have been just to get as far away from that care experience as possible, thinking you can cope and you can do stuff, and not being able to Alongside. We didn’t have legislation back then that made sure that children weren’t homeless and that there were lots of options. There weren’t lots of options, actually, when you came out of care, so it was a really, really tricky time.

Colby: 17:52

Yeah, and I think it’s something that’s still being grappled with in many jurisdictions around the world. In my own local jurisdiction, um and I think you mentioned something in there that resonates with me that often my observation with young people and I’ve worked long term with the young people that I do see and will continue to see them professionally post care but oftentimes the last thing that they want is for any authority to be assisting them in any way. They just want done with the government running their lives and sadly, I mean that’s a bit of an indictment on their experience in care and also sadly sets them up for a tough run, as you experienced as well, with homelessness and various other challenges being part of their experience post-care.

Lisa: 19:03

And that’s why we have to stop thinking about children coming out of care and that’s the end of service. That has to be in the same way that you have with your own children. There has to be that ability, you know, because your own kids might turn around as well. You know, both my kids were trying to live independently long before they could and I think that’s quite a normal thing to happen. But of course there’s that elastic band, that continuous coming back. We need to really think about services in a very different way that understands the science that underpins child development, for a start, and that also understands 18 to 25 year olds in terms of a um, the, the work that’s been done around contextual safeguarding um, so that we, so that people have that opportunity to recover from some of those experiences. But they can also come back, just like your own kids can.

Colby: 20:10

Yes, and I’ve already done a podcast interview with Kiran Modi, who set up Udain Care in India, and remarkable, remarkable person and what they’ve done. And, as you say, they provide a place and people that care leavers can come back to right through to their mid-20s and beyond. They have what she called volunteer mentor parents in their residential homes who are parental figures for life for the young people that go through there. Oftentimes, I think we I wonder about this, I wonder whether in our white Western, you know, first world kind of mentality, we think we’re doing it better than um anyone else and and and uh, the challenges that we have would be the same everywhere. But um, you know, you know, my experience just very recently in talking to someone from india is that you, you can do it um very differently and provide extraordinary levels of support and opportunity for our young people.

Colby: 21:27

Um, anyway, uh, the other thing that that stood out for me in when you were talking was you talked about Eunice and her. I think it was Eunice and her Ford Escort and um, I wonder if there was any. And you also talked about um john snow, the journalist, but also the other chap put you in touch with him and um, I was wondering if there’s anyone else that you’d like to you know, acknowledge, or that you would acknowledge uh as having had a really important and significant um uh impact on you travelling this path, walking this path.

Lisa: 22:08

Yeah, I mean to be honest, I wouldn’t know where to start and I think that’s really part of our work, really, isn’t it, that people influence you along the way. I do remember somebody else I don’t know their name, but I was living in Cornwall. I’d gone down to Cornwall, I was homeless. I was. I lived across all sorts of different types of non-housing across Cornwall for for a few months before I went to London, which is where I kind of Cornwall for for a few months before I went to London, which is where I kind of uh was, was saved, if you like. Um and some journalists came down from shelter and did a piece on homelessness and as soon as I got to London, I went straight down to the shelter head office on Old Street and became a really pain in the arse volunteer um, which was, um, one of the first experiences that I had, but it was again. It was. It was a stunning experience because it was the 21st uh anniversary. So it would have been, I suppose, 1987, something like that, the 21st anniversary of Kathy Come Home. And we had this amazing event with all these very famous people, and there’s a wonderful picture of me stood next to Jeremy Irons, kind of gazing at Jeremy Irons on this stand, this podium stand, at the age of I must well, maybe I was 17, 18, and so those were the kind of things that really, really influenced me.

Lisa: 23:46

But, as I say, you can’t take away who you are as a person as well, because the first thing I did when I got to London was I’m going to find that journalist, that person who did that writing piece.

Lisa: 23:59

I want to be there, I want to do that, you know, and I think that’s why it’s so important for children, young people, to meet as many different types of people as possible.

Lisa: 24:09

I can’t remember her name, but what happened was a chain of events that led me into a campaigns department, that led me to start writing articles for their magazine, you know, all of those kind of things that really showed me where my passion was, and so, mostly across my work, I’ve never felt like I’m working because I found that passion, I found what I wanted to do, and if we can give that gift I found what I wanted to do and if we can give that gift to to young people, how incredible is that to have this exposure to so many different people with different ways of life that spark and ignite a passion that, yes, you’re not. You’re not always going to be doing the things that you really want to do, but you’re going to be in that field. So, yeah, I feel very, very fortunate and can’t ever really feel cross about the experiences that I had, because they gifted me those types of events that have given me the ability to work from a place of passion.

Colby: 25:27

Yeah, it’s a not uncommon, I guess, response from people who have experienced hardship in their life, but it has, and who have overcome it and, um, they, they wouldn’t. It’s quite common to say they wouldn’t change. Um, those difficult, you know, those things that shape those experiences, that shape them. And what’s really coming through, lisa, listening, listening to you talk, is how driven you were to, even in the latter stages of your time in care. You’re being driven to try and to stand up and say this is not good enough for me, nor my peers who are in this space.

Lisa: 26:34

Yeah, yeah, and again I feel very blessed that you know I have that within me.

Lisa: 26:41

You know you’re very focused on attachment and I absolutely believe that the first attachment relationship that I had with my grandmother was profound in terms of of my development, and you know she was present, you know she could give me things, emotionally and through that attachment relationship that I couldn’t get from my mother. You know that wasn’t and still isn’t possible, and so I have so much gratitude for that because I think if I hadn’t had her, I’d have been in care from very young, you know, and that would have brought a whole other set of challenges and difficulties and it would be as much as there are no regrets in the sense of what the experience gave me. There’s still sadness and there’s still loss and there’s still grief, and I think it’s really important to hold both of those things. And I wonder, anyway, I’ve met enough humans, many, many humans, to know that sadness, loss and grief is part of the human experience and that, whatever experiences you’ve had, invariably most people are grappling and dealing with their, their own?

Colby: 28:30

families and their own beginnings in life. Yeah, yeah. So, um, at some point you you kind of started out your your advocacy in care about the conditions within the care arrangement that you were in, and then moved to the homelessness of care leavers, post-care, and at some point in time you turned your attention to schools and, uh, the experience of of, of young people who had experienced relational trauma, and, uh, and their experience of schools. Do you mind telling us a bit about that?

Lisa: 29:17

yeah. So once I’d got my degree, I moved into um, I worked in leaving care teams, uh, for nearly 10 years and then, and then I moved into and then lots of things changed. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it anymore. It became very admin-y, um, it lost some of the fusion with youth work that Leaving Care Work had back then, which I loved and which was very relational and consistent and it was lovely work. So I wandered across the road and went into the education department and that was a very different experience. All of a sudden, you know, know, I was not in my jeans anymore. I was, you know, covering my tattoos. It was all very, very um, I don’t know how to describe it, but it was a cut. It was a bit of a culture shock. Everyone was very proper and social work had it.

Lisa: 30:25

It’s just not, it’s not quite as proper yeah it’s got a bit of activism and it’s got some rebellion in it. It’s got, you know, social work often brings people in with all sorts of different lived experiences. Education back then was incredibly straight, um, and so I had a bit of a steep learning curve, but I met some amazing people who kind of taught me how to be in the education space, and I spent time working in schools. I spent time working with people who children and young people who were not attending school, and we would be setting up like different tutoring arrangements and alternative plans so they could stay on roll at school. It was very much about reducing exclusion, preventing exclusion. So, yes, I did that for 10 years, um.

Lisa: 31:45

So yeah, so I did that for 10 years, um, and I kind of got to a point because I also had two young bringing the body into the way that I had been thinking about the work that I was doing, and that was around 2005 2005, so 20 years ago and then I did a small piece of work with a local authority which was very much about creating services across different sectors and getting people around the table, and that was an amazing piece of work because it really taught me how long it takes to build relationships, not just the relationships that you’re having, but when you’re trying to engage other sectors, to sit around a table and talk to each other and become friends. That takes a long time, um, so that was a real gift to watch that process, um, and then it was after that, because we had we had, um a change of government and the financial crash and, uh, I also had something personal happen in my life that just threw everything open, and that’s when I became self-employed 15 years ago.

Colby: 33:08

Yeah, and you’ve been very active in that 15 years, as you likely were prior to that. Amongst other things you’ve done is you’ve written three books, which I mentioned earlier in the intro.

Lisa: 33:41

I wonder if you just would like to talk a little bit about each of those books and what particular messages they might have for children’s services and for schools. Yeah, so well. The first book was the Brightness of Stars, and I wrote that back in 2012, 2013. And I wrote it because I’d hit a bit of a roadblock. I wasn’t particularly open about my experience, I hadn’t really talked about it, but I was very aware, like lots of people who get to their kind of late 30s, early 40s, that midlife period, that it had massively influenced me and that whatever I hadn’t dealt with in the recovery journey I’d had so far, I was going to have to deal with. And that led me to think. But there must be lots of other people with this experience. Where are they? I mean, think about this there there’s no Facebook groups, there’s no social media where everyone’s connecting.

Lisa: 34:30

I think we were sort of very much at the beginning of that um, and so I had a few connections and I wanted to share stories. You know, as I where I started at the beginning of this podcast talking about sharing stories and journalism and I wanted to share stories and I’ve been fortunate enough that Routledge republished that book, because I’d self-published originally and they published it and what was beautiful about it was when I read what I’d written. It wasn’t relevant anymore. I’d written it wasn’t relevant anymore. I didn’t have those feelings about it anymore and it made me think. Everybody that was in it needs to write. What do they think about it?

Lisa: 35:11

Now, 10 years later, let’s have an exploration of the healing journey and how, at different points in your life, something really troubles you and is really defining and is really intense.

Lisa: 35:23

And 10 years later, when you’ve processed it and used writing to make sense of it and perhaps had some therapy and perhaps done some body work and all of those things, um, that help us process stuff. So there’s a there is a new section in there as well that’s more contemporary, but there’s that beautiful section at the beginning that’s got the reflections of what people had written to use earlier. So that’s wonderful. So I guess the messages in that book are about what does the experience look like and what does a healing journey look like? You know, it’s really good for people to know that over time we change and we grow and we transform and I think that that’s that’s a real gift of of the third edition. Conversations that make a difference is very much a book that infuses, as everything that I do I try and infuse, with academic knowledge, professional practice and lived experience, and that book infuses that conversations that make a difference for children and young people and the opening chapters with unis are wonderful which is wonderful, um.

Lisa: 36:39

So there’s there’s a whole range of conversations in there. It’s a lovely way of sharing conversations in a book like that, because it’s quite easy to read, and I’ve tried to make most of my books easy to read. Practitioners are busy. We haven’t got time to get through Dostoevsky, you know, like you’ve got to be able to just dip in and read something that really makes a difference and that makes you think about something in a different way. So there’s lots of reflections and then weaving a web of belonging, which has just come out this year, is very much underpinned by the research, uh, the PhD that I did, the research, um, which again was a really interesting experience.

Lisa: 37:28

There’s lots of voices in there, but writing academically is so hard and so dry, um, and it felt equally hard to strip the dryness back and create a practice book. So it’s very much underpinned by extensive research, but again, I’ve tried to make it very readable. I’ve even got some recipes in there, some grounding exercises, you know, anything that makes reading about some really difficult stuff just just a bit more manageable, because the people who are doing the work you know the direct work, um are giving something of themselves every time they do that, and what I’m focused on in my next book is how do we make sure that those people, that the people doing that work, are looked after in a really deeply and profound way so that they can do that work.

Colby: 38:39

That sounds wonderful. I look forward to reading that book as well. Lisa, I think you’ve. I mean, writing a book is a very generous thing to do, I think, and particularly when you have such extensive lived experience and knowledge and drive. And I’m really just really pleased to hear that your books do well. And see all the posts on social media of people who’ve got the latest book on belonging yeah, that’s just wonderful. If you could sit down with, you know, the heads of education or the heads of child protection, child safeguarding statutory authorities, what do you think you’d say to them?

Lisa: 39:38

So I guess I mean I’d say a lot, but I think there’s two things that I think are really important and really misunderstood. So the first thing I’d say is we need to sort out the language. The language that is used to describe children and young people is hugely problematic. It’s hugely problematizing of those children and young people and it shapes and forms the way that they are viewed and the way that they are seen. So language is the first thing. Let’s get on with a piece of work sorting that out. Let’s get on with a piece of work sorting that out.

Lisa: 40:22

And I guess the second thing that is also hugely misunderstood is that behaviour is communication. That seems to me to be such a difficult concept for people to understand. It’s almost as if people think children have an articulation of their trauma that it can take you decades to get of their trauma, that it can take you decades to get that they can somehow come and say to you I’ve got to have a chat with you later because I’m really struggling with something and I’d like to walk it through. You know, and of course that is not possible, but that’s the expectation. So when a child shows you which is what children will always do that they are struggling with something.

Lisa: 41:04

I would say that’s something that I would really like to be understood more. First, ways of understanding that is, for people to drop into their own central nervous system, their own relationship with shame and their own relationship with struggle. And if they can do that and that’s some of what I try and do with people if they can do that I try and do with people if they can do that, then that expands that space of compassion, because then there’s some compassion for self. It’s very, very difficult to think about behavior as communication if you don’t have the time and space to think about how you communicate your own distress when you’re distressed. So I think that would be what I would be looking at. Let’s give people some space for reflection. Let’s give people some space for some really good training opportunities. Let’s give people some space to drop into their own bodies, um, so that that exploration can happen.

Colby: 42:19

Yeah, I think listeners of this podcast will be very, very familiar with me saying that um, one of my um and another issue that’s very close to me, um is the fact that too many practitioners in education and also in child safeguarding are so flat out with the work that they don’t have time to stop and think about what they’re doing. And it manifests to me in a couple of things. I’ll often ask people, you know, if we, they’ll say they’ll give me the shopping list of problems with a young person and then, and I’ll say to them a couple of things, one of them would be if my intervention was successful, what would you expect to see? What would be different? And people find that very hard, very, very hard to answer because, as you say, they’re so stuck in a problem focus and talking about the problems of the children. I also say to people and I think this ties very much in with what you’re saying about just take some time to think about what it would be like we, if you were struggling, if you were having some of these experiences. I asked, I asked three questions if the child could or would, how would they truthfully describe themselves, other people and their world? How fast does their motor run and what did they learn in their first learning environments about how you get your needs met? Again, really difficult questions to answer, I’ve found, but I do think you’re right. I think, if I think, I think and again, people need time I think, if you can, if people have the time to drop in and reflect on their own experiences of struggle, or you know what it would have, what, what they can imagine it would be like to experience significant struggle. I remember the first. It was not the first time I thought about it, lisa, but it’s one of the first times that it really stood out, so much that I remember Very early in my career, mid-90s, in my first posting as a clinical psychologist doing assessments of young people, I had a young person that I was expecting to see first thing in the morning at the office, and when I arrived I used to live on one side of my home city of Adelaide and work at the far extremity of the other side and, depending on traffic in between, that journey could be elongated or otherwise.

Colby: 45:18

But anyway, I walked in and I walked into one of the at uh, the professional areas of the building and, and, and there was the young person I knew it would be her because she had a distinctive um background. So I immediately knew, ah, this must be the, the young person that’s come to see me. And I was very aware of her surroundings at that time and what she made of them and the fact that the taxi driver a taxi driver had collected her from her placement and dropped her at the office and she was about nine years old from memory. So, yeah, just really. From then on it was very much foremost in my mind the experience of our young people. It’s very hard. If you don’t give people the time to stop and reflect, then they just become very procedural and the work loses a bit of its heart and it becomes heartless and procedural. I think.

Lisa: 46:29

We have to stop thinking about people as machines fulfilling a role. You know this is relational work. Relational work is deep, it’s meaningful, it’s connecting um and so people. And this is what happens when you starve systems and you reduce capacity and you take away funding and you make the work really, really intense. Unfortunately, it makes real relational work much harder. Now I say that knowing that some areas that I work in prioritise it above all else. But it does mean that something else has to give. So there’s an intentionality when you’re thinking about belonging relationships, connection, proper staff well-being not, you know, let’s go bowling every fortnight or something, but the proper stuff that really nourishes and fills people’s cups. And you know you’re absolutely right when, when we don’t have that, then that’s where the procedural stuff comes in and burnout and secondary trauma and you know all of that stuff kicks in one other thing I just want to say I the the language we use.

Colby: 47:52

My first edition of the attachment book I. I say I wrote I didn’t write two editions. I wrote two of the attachment book. I say I wrote I didn’t write two editions. I wrote two books, the first book and the second book. They’re different books and the language is quite different. And a little example when I do, every now and then I’ve spoken to our heads of our child protection department here in my local jurisdiction department, here in my in my local jurisdiction. But I, on the language thing, I’ll say um, because one of one another thing that’s really near and dear to my heart is is the main, where possible, the maintenance and I think it’s more possible than we we think but the maintenance of good connection with birth family. So I I will say you could probably achieve a lot in terms of practice by changing one word in the sentence that is routinely said about our children and young people.

Lisa: 48:50

What’s routinely said and written is that they cannot be safely cared for at home and I say replace cannot with couldn’t or could not, and I I dare say you would, yeah, you would um notice a big, I mean language is powerful it’s so powerful and maybe could not right now, you know like allow parents the opportunity that we all afford ourselves of transformation and recovery and wellness and sobriety and all those other things you know, in a dynamic, trauma-sensitive way in the writing. You know that, but right now that wasn’t possible. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible later on. It’s just not possible now and it’s those kind of things, isn’t it’s having that, that, that eye for the life course? But services, unfortunately, are so divided and siloed into what you know how they work that the life course approach and that holistic approach is often lost. And look at us, we could talk for hours I think so we could.

Colby: 50:07

I was literally I I say to the kids, when the you know you’re supposed to say, colby, get out of my head, it’s rude, you gotta ask permission. Permission before you’re reading my mind. But you were just literally reading my mind then, lisa, because I was going to say, yes, we could talk for hours. Maybe we’ll just have to do this conversation in installments perhaps, but if you’re keen, I do give all of my guests an opportunity to ask me a question without notice at the end. We’ve heard a lot of my voice already. I’m not sure if you had something that you wanted to ask me.

Lisa: 50:46

Well, I don’t have anything to ask you today because I’ve already interviewed you on my podcast. So I asked you lots of questions. So if anybody wants to hear those questions, then I’m sure Colby will drop that episode into the show notes and you can listen to me ask you lots of questions.

Colby: 51:06

Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Well, I mean, is that a bit I’ll do it because you’ve raised it? It’s an invitation.

Lisa: 51:14

It’s an invitation and it would be lovely to share that conversation and it’s it’s been really lovely to be on the other side of that and, um, and be asked lots of questions, so thank you for having me yeah, well, thank you for agreeing and uh, yeah, I hope you have a good day and you continue to be well, lisa as well as you can be.