Transforming Lives: Dr. Kiran Modi’s Journey with Vulnerable Children in India

Every child deserves a sunrise and a new beginning

Dr. Kiran Modi’s remarkable journey from academia to founding one of India’s most influential child welfare organizations offers profound insights into transformative care models for vulnerable children. With a PhD in American literature, Kiran’s unexpected pivot into child welfare began with a deeply personal childhood experience of being separated from her parents – a brief but formative moment that instilled in her a visceral understanding of the trauma children face when separated from family care.

Founded in 1994, Udayan Care has evolved from a single children’s home to a comprehensive organization operating across 36 cities in 15 Indian states, with international chapters in the USA and Germany. What distinguishes Kiran’s approach is her holistic vision of child welfare that extends far beyond institutional care. The organization’s name itself – “Udayan” meaning “eternal sunrise” or “new beginning” in Sanskrit – embodies its mission to bring light and hope to vulnerable children’s lives.

The cornerstone of Udayan Care’s innovation is the LIFE (Living in Family Environment) model for group homes. Unlike traditional orphanages with rotating staff and institutional environments, these “Sunshine Homes” create genuine family-like settings with remarkable stability through a unique feature: voluntary mentor parents. These committed individuals, currently numbering 29, pledge lifelong relationships with the children – providing consistent emotional support even while not living in the homes full-time. This addresses the critical issue of attachment disruption that so many institutionalized children face, directly implementing John Bowlby’s attachment theory in practical care settings.

Kiran’s research-informed practice led to India’s first comprehensive care leavers study, examining the challenges faced by young people aging out of institutional care. The study identified critical gaps across eight domains: identity and legal awareness, housing, independent living skills, social support, emotional wellbeing, physical health, education and vocational skills, and financial independence. These findings directly informed policy changes, including improved aftercare planning, increased financial support, and the creation of India’s first care leavers networks – demonstrating how research can drive tangible system improvements.

Perhaps most impressive is Kiran’s integration of therapeutic approaches with practical support. Trauma-informed care underpins all services, with Kiran poignantly observing that trauma “lodges in your heart” – we don’t overcome it completely, but rather develop coping mechanisms and resilience. Through this lens, Udayan Care’s model combines Bowlby’s attachment theory, Erikson’s psychosocial development framework, and Bronfenbrenner’s ecological systems approach to address children’s needs holistically.

Kiran’s work extends beyond direct service to include advocacy, research and policy influence. She established BICON (Biennial International Conference on Alternative Care for Children in Asia) and launched an international academic journal focused on institutionalized children. This multilayered approach – connecting grassroots practice with research, policy and global networking – creates systemic change rather than just service delivery.

For organizations seeking to implement similar models, Kiran emphasizes several key principles: prioritizing mental health and trauma-informed approaches; developing secure attachments through stable relationships; addressing developmental needs through frameworks like Erikson’s stages; embedding children within communities rather than isolating them; building resilience and coping skills; and fostering spiritual well-being and purpose.

As we consider global challenges in child welfare, Kiran’s integrated model offers valuable lessons. By combining family-like environments, professional therapeutic support, community integration, and pathways to independence, Udayan Care demonstrates how we might better serve our most vulnerable children while advocating for systems that prevent family separation in the first place.

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About Kiran:

Kiran has a PhD in American Literature from the Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi. Kiran founded Udayan Care, a non-profit organization, in 1994.

Since then Udayan Care has delivered programs at national and international level, with a focus on family strengthening and care reform.

Under Kiran’s leadership, Udayan Care now operates in 36 cities across 15 states in India and has international chapters in the USA and Germany.

Kiran developed the LIFE (Living In Family Environment) model for group homes, initiated aftercare programs, and launched the Udayan Shalini Fellowship, which has supported over 16,000 girls in higher education. Kiran also established 24 IT and Vocational Training Centers, training over 30,000 youth.

Kiran has pioneered several initiatives including BICON, Biennial International Conference on Alternative Care for Children in Asia, (BICONs), Asia’s largest platform for care reform; an international journal, ICB, Institutionalised Children Explorations and Beyond, and related initiatives.

Kiran led India’s first care leavers study, resulting in new programs and the formation of the country’s first care leavers’ network, as well as a global network of care leavers.

Kiran is a recipient of many prestigious awards, including the National Award for Child Welfare – India’s highest commendation for a non-profit child welfare organisation, and has contributed to several research papers in national and international journals.

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Transcript:

Kiran: 0:20

Then you can do individual care for each and every child. So this is the kind of stability we are able to bring in. Children know that the others may come and go, but my mentors would remain and we’ve been able to facilitate care leavers networks as a global care practice. Aftercare does not stop. Even when they become an ARG, they leave after care, they become Udian Care alumni.

Colby: 0:51

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me today for this episode is a highly respected figure in child and family welfare in India and beyond. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that I’m meeting on, the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains, and acknowledge the continuing connection the living Kaurna people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest today is Dr Kiran Modi. Kiran has a PhD in American literature from the Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi.

Colby: 1:40

In 1994, Kiran founded Udayan Care, a non-profit organisation. Since then, Udayan Care has delivered programs at national and international level, with a focus on family strengthening and care reform. Under Kiran’s leadership, Udayan Care now operates in 36 cities across 15 states in India and has international chapters in the United States of America and Germany. Kiran developed the Life Living in Family Environment model for group homes, initiated aftercare programs and launched the Udayan Shalini Fellowship, which has supported over 16,000 girls in higher education. Kiran also established 24 IT and vocational training centres, training over 30,000 youth.

Colby: 2:39

Kiran has pioneered several initiatives, including BICON, the Biennial International Conference on Alternative Care for Children in Asia, BICON, Asia’s largest platform for care reform, and an international journal Institutionalized Children’s Explorations and Beyond. Kiran led India’s first care leavers study, resulting in new programs and the formation of the country’s first care leavers network, as well as a global network of care leavers. Kiran is a recipient of many prestigious awards, including the National Award for Children for Child Welfare India’s highest commendation for a non-profit child welfare organisation and has contributed to several research papers in national and international journals. Welcome Kiran.

Kiran: 3:38

It’s such an opportunity. Thank you, piers, for giving me this opportunity. I don’t know whether I should call you Colby or.

Colby: 3:45

Yeah, colby’s good, colby’s fine. And I just like we just also should acknowledge Lena, who is also joining us on this podcast, and she will be helping you with some slides that you wish to show during the podcast. And Lena is your Director of Advocacy, research and Training there at Udayan Care. Thank, you.

Colby: 4:09

Thank you. Yeah, so I feel very privileged to have you on, kieran, and it’s also nice to have someone on who’s in a relatively similar time zone for me. So it’s mid-afternoon for me and mid-morning I think for you, mid to late morning. Yes, yes, and I just tell you that somewhat embarrassingly when we were first communicating and you were putting IMT, I was reading that as international median time. I thought I thought it meant Greenwich Meridian time, not Indian. So that was my bad. We say that was my bad here. So, anyway, glad that we got it sorted out after a while. So, kieran, can I first ask you to perhaps just tell us about Udayan care and in particular, perhaps mention what the word Udayan means and how does the definition of Udayan relate to the work?

Kiran: 5:14

It’s a lovely question, very near to my heart. Udayan is a Sanskrit word. It means eternal sunrise or a new beginning At Udayan Kaya. This is the essence that guides everything that we do. We strive to bring light into the lives of children, youth and women who have experienced deep vulnerabilities.

Kiran: 5:37

We were founded in 1994 and we had three major verticals and I would just like to tell you family strengthening. Actually it anchors all our programs in all these verticals we are looking at how do you strengthen the families so that children do not remain vulnerable, they don’t get separated from the families. So, first silo, as you can see, child protection and alternative care, under which we have many programs. But you mentioned also the group home model, which is called GAR. Gar means you know children’s homes. Then there is aftercare. There are several programs for care leavers. In the second vertical, which is education, skilling and employability, you’ve already introduced this to the audience, but I would just like to reiterate Shalini Fellowship Program and the Information Technology and Vocational Training Program. They are looking at vulnerable girls from the communities, youth and empowering them as per their capability higher education, vocational training and finally getting into employment. The third silo, which is very, very near to my heart because I’m also realizing again and again just service delivery will not make systemic change. How do you bring about that systemic change? That’s why we started this vertical, and I’m so glad that Lina is here with me. She’s heading this department.

Kiran: 7:08

Art means advocacy, research and training, so we’ve been doing a lot of consultations and seminars. You’ve already mentioned biennial conferences and I’m so happy to say that in October of this year 2025, we will be having an international conference. This will be the sixth one. In Malaysia.

Kiran: 7:30

We take out an academic journal you have already mentioned, and I always like to say that it’s a niche journal, you know, because it’s not about social work, it’s not about child rights, it’s actually about children who are without parental care. It’s actually about children who are without parental care. How do you strengthen the communities so that every child gets a family-like environment to grow up in? Then we’ve been conducting a lot of research studies. Almost 100 research papers have been published in different journals, including our own, and trainings, which is again very, very important, because we are working with several governments in India where we are training the child protection functionaries into delivering their work even better and learning from them as well. So it’s not only we are training, we are also learning, and I would just like to say that you know our children without parental care. When they get all these opportunities, you know the underserved children and youth they can really go places that’s lovely.

Colby: 8:34

Yeah, it’s such a an awesome endeavor, or endeavors, array of endeavors, that you’re doing for vulnerable children and young people, and I’m very pleased to be able to hear about it today. And you said something in there that is interesting to me, and I think it’s important to acknowledge that, just when you said just providing a good service or service provision alone doesn’t necessarily bring about systemic change. We do need to be doing research and advocacy around the work that we do, and I was introduced to an interesting term by a recent guest, which was pracademic, by which she meant, yeah, being both a practitioner and a researcher, and connecting.

Colby: 9:37

And her name is Lisa Etherson. She talked about shame containment theory, but it was new to me and I think I think she was making the point that not only is it necessary, as you say to, to do something more than just provide, do service provision. We are the best people to do research in this sector, the service providers, yes.

Kiran: 10:04

The practitioner’s experience has to inform policy and research.

Colby: 10:10

Yes, yeah. So what led you into this? I noticed you have a PhD in American literature, but you’ve kind of gone down the child and family welfare path. What led you into this work, kieran?

Kiran: 10:27

So actually, you know that life experiences as a child. I was only 80 years old and I just can’t forget. I was on a very, very busy road full of people with my parents and suddenly I found myself lost and I cried my heart out and finally the police took me to the police station where my parents came after some time looking for me everywhere. They were looking so worried and I was so relieved to find them. This thought remained with me just a few seconds of parental separation, you know. It formed my childhood, it informed my childhood, it continued with me in my youth, you know. So I think it was a very powerful experience which really, you know, made me understand what do children without parental care go through? And then, a quirk of a fate, I had personal tragedy and from the world of literature, suddenly I was thrown into the world of reality and I realized I need to do something, and especially when I found that my son was doing so much with his meager income in America, I really need to take that work forward and I started thinking of setting up an organization which can serve the underserved here.

Kiran: 11:55

In the initial one year it really took me. I went around to all kinds of causes, at least 150 organizations I visited. In one of my visits to an orphanage there was a child who just took, took hold of me and said please take me home. That remained with me. That remained with me and my childhood trauma of that parental separation came back to me and I said here is something. And that’s where in India, the model of children’s homes were always. You know, even the juvenile justice act was talking about 100 children’s homes, so largely children were very big homes and they were little away from society. Based on all that and my personal belief in that the family model has to be there, we set up our life. Udayan Khars means living in family environment. That was my first venture into the development sector.

Colby: 12:59

Yeah, lovely and, I think, such a stark portrayal of an experience for you of what it feels like to be separated from family, and that extends even to children and young people whose families are struggling with their care, yeah, and or are very dysfunctional. The children still feel keenly that separation, yeah. So you visited more than 100 organisations I think you said more than 150 organisations in that year before you went down this particular path and you started out in 1994. And how easy or difficult was it to establish Udayan Care and the work that it did?

Kiran: 14:02

I would say it wasn’t really difficult in the beginning. You know, all you need is some kindred soul who speak to you, who understand where you come from, and just find those kind of people who will support you. So once you’ve been built that kind of a support system and the legal legalities of setting up an organization is done and also your cause is very clear, then you know it’s not such a big challenge. But of course, limited infrastructure, low awareness in India about child rights and especially low awareness about small homes where children could live like a family. So there was a lot of skepticism and the government was running such large homes. To get a license for a 12 children home was also quite difficult, you know. So I really had to fight it out. But you know, as they say, one right person really brings about a change. There was this officer in one of the women and child development department. She understood where I was coming from. I said how would you understand a child’s trauma or the need if there are hundreds of them are together? If there are smaller numbers, then you can do individual care for each and every child and the adequate resources could be provided. So she understood my point and they allowed me the first license. Then, of course, more licenses came and we set up 17 homes at one point of time.

Kiran: 15:37

Resource mobilization, as you know, it’s always a constant challenge for any organization, but I think we were really blessed we have been able to find actually, you know, I always say the man upstairs, god, he’s there to help us, so I don’t have to worry about resource mobilization, he takes care. The biggest challenge was how do you find the workforce who is qualified, who is trauma-informed and who are interested in learning and sticking on with you? Children they have suffered unstable families uh, you know broken relationships and then they come here in a children’s home. They want, you know, that kind of a stability.

Kiran: 16:20

But the reality of the world, at least in India, is that it’s very difficult to retain people because you know it’s becoming like how any profession you know earlier it used to be different. It wasn’t really social work was really looked at only as a profession, mostly people with large hearts. They were coming here so. But the things have started changing. So it becomes very difficult to get qualified and trauma-informed workforce. Also to develop partnerships both at the local and international level with policy makers to your next-door neighbor. How do you develop these kind of partnerships with different NGOs, with different funding agencies? So these collaborations were again difficult, but it wasn’t very difficult we were able to do. I think the key is you have to persist, there has to be a transparency in your work and, of course, an unwavering belief in your mission which can take you forward.

Colby: 17:21

Yeah, yeah, lovely. Something that you said in there that resonated with me quite a lot was um, uh, I, I strongly believe that when we just focus on doing a good job, that the, you know that, the, the other things that are necessary, the people, the, the, the financial arrangements, they tend to fall into place and and at least that’s what I found, and it sounds like that’s what you found as well Absolutely.

Kiran: 17:51

And also another challenge which I would like to put it across is the ecosystem which is changing. You know the legal legalities, the legal provisions, whether it is for foreign donation, whether it is for you know, different kinds of paperwork it’s becoming. You know so much of paperwork in India also, which I realized when I visited some organizations abroad that the social workers end up doing a lot of paperwork and we never used to have so much, but now it is increasingly, you know, becoming more and more so it becomes like a tick box for many things, so, which is a little bit painful, but we are trying to deal with it.

Colby: 18:31

Yeah, yeah, I don’t think you’re on your own there.

Colby: 18:35

I think that there, as you say, you saw that in many of the organisations that you visited and even here in Australia, in the jurisdictions I’m familiar with, I think the paperwork has long been a bone of contention amongst workers who really just want to help children and and families.

Colby: 18:58

Yeah, yeah, you know, kieran, one of the things that really intrigued me about your organization and and your bio when I read it was the care leaver study that you did. Care leavers are very near and dear to my heart. I have primarily worked long term as a psychotherapist in the child protection space and out of home care space and I’ve kept in touch with or at least they’ve kept in touch with me a great many of the care leavers that I knew when they were younger people and in care, and I’ve always been really concerned, I guess, about the lack of support for a great many of our care leavers and the struggles that they have post-care. So I’m really interested to hear a bit more about your care leaver study and how that was then translated into better support for care leavers.

Kiran: 20:10

Yes, since you know, as we’ve been talking about, both of us agree that you know practice should inform your research. And you know, as we’ve been talking about, both of us agree that you know practice should inform your research and you know your advocacy. So, after running these homes for so many years and their children were growing up, 18, and then they were given aftercare, so they were supported fully, and we realized that many organizations are not able to do that kind of work, even though the government mandate was there to support youth, you know, as they are growing up at 18. You can’t expect them to be on their own at the age of 18. But it wasn’t happening in a very big manner. So we decided to conduct a study and we were lucky enough to get partnerships from UNICEF and Tata Trust. I did to conduct a study and we were lucky enough to get partnerships from UNICEF and Tata Trust. So this study was conducted in five states of India where we took up 500 youth and first of all, it was so difficult to trace children who have gone out of those institutions, if they are not being supported, so it was very, very difficult to find them. But when we developed our questionnaire was, again, you know, a very big process of you know to and fro, getting participation from the care leavers also. Finally, we finalized our tools and then we started doing studies and some of the the gaps which came out.

Kiran: 21:30

I would like to just tell you and the the youth that they were telling us. We realized where are the gaps? Gaps are in identity and legal awareness. So they don’t understand who am I as a caregiver? Am I a caregiver or am I a human being? You know, who should we support? What is my legal awareness level? Most of the caregivers did not even know that they are entitled to aftercare support Housing. Most of them did not know after 18 where to go because in India we don’t have any special system other than some aftercare hostels set up by government or NGOs like us. So there was a big problem about housing. If they would like to take an apartment, it wasn’t easy for them to get the paperwork done.

Kiran: 22:18

Independent living skills what we realized? Children who were growing up here in institutions or in foster care. Everything was done for them, so they were not learning the independent living skills. So we felt that this is a big gap. Then another gap that came out was social support and interpersonal skills. When you are in a children’s home, largely you are meeting children of your own kind. When you go to school, it’s only for a short while. Then again you come back to the routine of the home. You don’t get an opportunity to go out and meet society at large. So they become, you know, their interpersonal skills they do. They are not able to develop.

Kiran: 22:57

We also realize children who suffered so much trauma and abuse when they were separated from the family. Sometimes family itself was the perpetrator and so many times after, you know, leaving the family, they land up on streets there again more. Uh, you know trauma is perpetrated on them. How do they have emotional well-being? Are the, the care homes able to address their emotional well-being? Give them support, trauma-informed care so that they are able to. When nobody can really overcome trauma, this is what I believe.

Kiran: 23:33

At best a scab is formed and at the littlest of the provocation the scab is gone and the blood starts oozing. But still, to even to form that scab and even to inform the children how you can deal with your issues, the coping mechanisms, the resilience, how much is being done? We found there was a big gap. Physical health wasn’t so bad 78 percent children, but they did not have any insurance. So without insurance it’s so difficult to go for any kind of a proper care, education and vocational skills was taking a real, you know, back step. Because the children, they, their education gets disrupted when they leave the family and sometimes, from institution to institution, from one foster family to another, the education system is such that, you know, dropout rates increase and it becomes very difficult for them to cope up and if you don’t have the required education or vocational training, it’s absolutely impossible to gain financial independence and to develop a career. So these are some of the things that we develop and we call it a sphere of aftercare. So we feel every young person coming out of a childcare home or from a foster care, they should be getting support on these eight domains because these are, as you can see, these are interconnected. Nothing is standing on its own. You give housing, you don’t give others. It doesn’t make sense. So it all has to come in a package so that the youth, they are able to sustain themselves and go to the next level in their lives.

Kiran: 25:11

So you also asked me how did it support the larger system? So these recommendations which came out where we? Three things I would just like to point out, although there are many things, but we also have lack of time. So, uh, we were talking in india. For every child in an institution there has to be an icp individual care plan, but at it has no connection with your care plan, which was made for you. It has no future because there is no aftercare plan made. So we very strongly recommended that there should be an aftercare plan for every youth who is coming out after 18. So it happened in 2023, mission Vatsalya, which is a come and run scheme. There they are introducing IAP, which was a very big, you know, satisfaction for us.

Kiran: 26:03

In our recommendation we said there has to be an increased investment on aftercare. They were giving only 2000 rupees per youth and 2000 rupees is so measly, so measly and nobody can survive on that. So we requested you make it more so, from 19 pounds now to 38 pounds per month, which is still quite measly, but still because there are homes which are being provided so they are able to maintain. We also said there has to be a lot of linkages and convergence between educational institutions, between skilling ministries, between all these ministries must come together and more such with this convergence. Different government departments should be addressing the issues of the aftercare, youth and again, the mission Matsilya talks about it.

Kiran: 27:02

We also said how do you strengthen the voices of care leavers? Before that there was no care leavers sorry network. So we, I mean, I always take very, I feel very happy that we were the instrument by which many care leavers came together and they set up platforms for peer networking and mentoring and supporting each other. We also talked about that. There should be proper aftercare guidelines. You know, of course, in the law it is mentioned, but without a proper guideline, how do you know anybody function? So I’m so glad that now state level guidelines are there in many states as many as 13 states and others are also developing their own guidelines. So actually care, after care and care leavers is becoming a word which people have started understanding and recognizing and recognizing we also did at our level many models we developed to support caregivers. So this evidence that we created helped us in incubating programs because, again, as I’ve been saying, practice informs research and research should inform practice, because if you don’t bring back those learnings, there is no point. So we started our aftercare outreach program in 2020.

Kiran: 28:18

And here in six states of India, we are taking care leavers and supporting them for their next level on those eight domains that I showed you. In the sphere of aftercare, then we have started the care leavers networks, which I’ve already told you. After care, then we have started the care leavers networks which I’ve already told you. And now the care leavers are themselves, you know, putting it forward. In many states, care leavers themselves have set up such you know networks. Many states, ngos are also coming forward. Even UNICEF has been a very big driver to bring care leavers networks and we started a fellowship which is a very, very beautiful fellowship. It is called lift learning in fellowship. Together. Here, the youth they have to submit a proposal by which they are going to going to support other care experienced youth. So every project is different. Somebody is taking up developing life skill programs. Somebody is developing a research program. Somebody is developing podcasts of care leavers so that their voices can be heard. So beautiful you know projects they come up with state governments, especially on FBAC, family-based alternative care programming, which includes aftercare. So these are some of the states Bihar, madhya Pradesh, telangana and Jharkhand.

Kiran: 29:42

We have been generating a lot of evidence through publications, researching and publishing it. As I told you earlier about our 2018-19 study beyond know, the one which I talked about, but there after that, there have been a lot of researches which we have been publishing in different journals. So, in a way, care leavers you know, we started very, very locally, but we were very lucky that we had other partners joining in, international partners, and we have been able to facilitate care leavers networks as a global care practice. So some of australian care leavers are also part of it. We also realized that you know families need to be supported. If the families are supported, if the children are integrated with the families, why would they leave the families? So we started, you know, programs which is called fit families. It is working in three different localities of Delhi and where we are working with families so that the children who have been sent back from institutions can get properly integrated and how do you prevent further separation. So these are some of the programs which actually emanated from the research study.

Kiran: 30:58

We have already talked about this particular journal and this journal is doing very well and we also do a global monthly news wrap-up. So, if you see, 25 plus research studies have been conducted, 93 plus research papers and articles have been published and global monthly news wrap-up. I’m really proud that Sage Publishers. They are our partners. They are world-famous publishers. They are our partners for this journal In advocacy. I’ve already talked about you. You also mentioned BICONS, and first Care Leavers Convention was done. It was an international Care Leaversavers convention was done. It was an international care leavers convention. After that it was followed by the second one. So actually our practices can improve if there is advocacy, evidence generation and research all feeding into one. So this slide, you know, actually represents that.

Colby: 31:51

That Kieran, I’m just sitting here gobsmacked, we say, or in awe it is remarkable, truly remarkable, what you’ve achieved. I come from a sector where a jurisdiction sorry where sector organisations and sector supports are very fragmented. And seeing what you’re doing in Udayan care, you know, in terms of providing a therapeutic family environment for children and young people who are separated from their parents or can’t reside with their parents for whatever reason, through to support post-care, integrated with education we know everywhere that education is one of the absolute keys to rise out of poverty but also for our children and young people to have normal lives post-care. So it’s remarkable what Udayan Care and you have achieved.

Colby: 33:11

And another thing that you said very early on that, uh, I want to just mention um because I I agree with it very much where you said, um, we children don’t get over trauma. At best there’s a, there’s it scabs over and and, depending, and if and I think, if I heard you’re right, you were saying um, you know, depending on what happens after and particularly after care, the scab can be picked away or otherwise. And I use the term enduring sensitivities. I think we’re all impacted in some way, or at least shaped, by our childhood experiences and um, I hear a lot about trauma recovery, trauma repaired, you know, um as if, as if we can achieve an outcome where it is as if the trauma did not occur and the reality is that that’s a false yeah, it’s a false quest.

Colby: 34:16

We’ll never. We’ll never get there and and I think saying it is really important because it takes the pressure off everyone yeah, we, we don’t, we know what will help. The what will help will be, uh, connection to that was the other thing I didn’t mention. That I loved about your presentation restoring connection and strengthening connection to family. The most healing relationships, in my view, are those family relationships, absolutely, yeah, and so, yeah, I’m just blown away. It’s just remarkable to see what you are doing there from an integrated service provision point of view.

Kiran: 35:01

Thank you. Thank you, I would just like to, you know, add here yes, in the last three years, eight of my youth who came out of our children’s homes, they all studied in the UK and on complete scholarships they did their masters, you know, I mean. So it’s not that that trauma was erased, trauma remains. I always like to say, trauma lodges in your heart. You know it’s not easy to, and every given situation it does come out on the fore. But the issue is what kind of resilience skills, what kind of coping mechanisms you’ve been trained so that you can, at least at that time you are able to overcome that sorrow, that pain, that self-pity. So I think that’s very important and I think resilience training takes a lot of our, you know, focus.

Colby: 36:00

The other thing that I think is particularly close to my heart because I’ve also developed therapeutic models, but the life program, the living in a family environment model that you talked about. I’m just wondering if you might share a little bit more about its kind of key elements, and I’m particularly interested in any challenges you had in rolling it out or delivering it and how they were overcome.

Kiran: 36:33

So actually, you know, as I told you in the beginning also, that large homes were the reality. So when we started, you know residential group homes which are called sunshine homes, udayan, as I told you, sunshine. So these are sunshine homes, you know, so that they can dispel darkness from their lives. So we developed a strategy which is called LIFE Living in Family Environment. First of all I did is called life living in family environment. First of all, I did not like that system where every eight hours new people are coming in, the next batch of people are coming in. There is no continuity there. So we developed a system by which the carer team the carer team, it was like permanent Voluntary mentor parents, like I’m also a mother to. You know so many of them. So these are all volunteers who commit themselves for life. So that means as long as I am alive, as long as this home runs, my services are for the children, but since we have our own families, we are not able to stay with the children. But we are there for them. So we are meeting them twice or thrice a week and whenever they need us we are available on telephone. We actually become a window to the world for them. So these are voluntary mentor parents. Then, other than that, there are supervisors, in-house caregivers, psychologists, health specialists, social workers and volunteers, and at the office level there are managers who are managing the whole thing. So at this moment there are 11 Udayangars. There used to be 17,. We have reduced the numbers. I will talk about that later.

Kiran: 38:08

Let me first finish this particular part. What is our model? So the model is to develop a beautiful synergy between volunteers who want to give and volunteers who are committing for life it’s not that I can come in today and tomorrow I can go and the professional workforce. Then you know community ownership. We thought it was so important that the children should be in a community and they should be available to the neighborhood. So there is a community park where they are playing with others and they are mingling with others. They are going to the neighborhood shop to buy something. So it becomes like a normal childhood and community ownership was so important. Communities they start owning them For them. These become their children. They go to middle class neighborhood schools and there is a lot of social integration and this gives them a very good, realistic world view so that when they grow up suddenly they don’t have to face this monster called society, you know, because they are carrying some very bad image from their childhood. So we want them to get adjusted.

Kiran: 39:20

Then. Holistic upbringing here, through a participatory approach, they are provided quality education and all those eight domains which I showed you are for their all-round development. We are working on that. There is a safe and non-discriminatory environment. There is vocational training, education, life skills exposure, exposure to the market, secure and stable attachments. I will be talking about this attachment theory of John Bowlby. He was my biggest influence, you know, when I started these homes, the children who have disrupted attachments. And how do we make their insecurity and turn them into secure attachments? How do we train them into this? That’s why we brought in the voluntary mentor, parents and the social workers and everyone. All of us are very consciously working on developing stable attachments in them.

Kiran: 40:09

As I said earlier, individual care plans are made where each child we discuss with the child and the full team what should be the plans for going forward, and these are the therapist and then the mental health. You know, therapeutic interventions are tailored to each child’s need. So certain things we are able to address in a group system, group workshop, certain things they need individual attention and we are constantly researching on what we are doing. We have developed our own tool which is called qa ncc. Already 10 years, data we’ve been able to collect and three research papers have been published where children tell us what is going right for them and what is not going right for them. And just to maintain complete, you know, transparency. None of our staff conduct these. We are getting, you know, master students from social work. They come in every year and they conduct these tests so that, you know, children are able to voice whatever they want to say. So trauma-informed care approach is very, very strong and we do continuous training of our staff. The staff is, you know, quite fast rotating, so we try to retain the staff. We try to, you know, train the staff into trauma-informed care and our ultimate aim is that the environment of the home should be trusting. The child should be able to trust us, should be enabling and stimulating so that they are able to become productive citizens of tomorrow.

Kiran: 41:43

By giving aftercare support, aftercare support does not stop. Even when they leave aftercare they become Udhiyan Care alumni and we continue to handle. I’m very happy to say more than 2000 children have come out of our homes and we’ve got at least 100 children who are married without our support. Wherever they needed our support, we were there to give them away in marriage. And we have got more than 70 grandchildren in the family. And I must say about the mentor parents, we are 29 mentor parents who are looking after these children like our own and long term. You know Dolly Anand, I mean she really brings me so much joy. Now she’s 84. She joined me when she was 60. Even at the age of right age of 84, she goes to the children’s home, talks to them, makes them see the sense and discusses things with them. So this is the kind of stability we are able to bring in children, to know that others may come and go but my mentors would remain. So that’s a very big feeling of stability and security for the children. So this is our therapeutic model.

Colby: 42:59

It’s remarkable. I was just, I was kind of blown away at the voluntary mentor parents and what a remarkable thing to do to provide. Because you’re right, in any jurisdictions there is always mobility of professionals. But to have that stability of connection through those voluntary mentor parents and I guess they get a You’re one you were saying I guess you get so much joy out of that as well.

Kiran: 43:39

Oh, my God, You’ve said the same words with each and every mentor. Parent says you know, because there is no monetary outcome for them, it’s only sheer giving. So whenever you ask them, you do so much, what do you gain return? They said what can we give them? The amount they give us back, their love, their trust, you know just to? I mean Lina here. She has started working so much with the aftercare youth and all of them have started calling her mama, mama and they go and land up at her house. You know, because they know here is this mama will be available to me. So I think this kind of a feeling is so important for children to have that secure base where they can turn to.

Colby: 44:25

And I think it is. Yeah, absolutely Sorry, I was still thinking about the. You know, it just gives your life so much meaning to be giving to vulnerable young people who otherwise wouldn’t have these, wouldn’t necessarily have these stable and lasting connections that are so important for their growth and development. Absolutely, I could do a whole podcast with you just talking about the voluntary mentor parents, I think, and their relationships with the children. But sadly, we need to move on a little bit, and my last question to you, before I give you the opportunity to ask me a question, if you like, but my last question to you, is what advice would you give to an organisation that is trying to implement a model of care?

Kiran: 45:34

So these are some of our ideas that we’ve been using. You know, how do you integrate children in institutions, back into families and prevent the separation? So unless you keep that mental health perspective on the top of your priority, you will never be able to do the justice. It has to be a strength-based framework. So what we do is trauma-informed care and my advice to everyone is you have to bring in into your system of working and training the staff, letting the children know you have suffered trauma. There is no problem in that. We can still, you know, move on and tenets of Boolvi’s attachment theory. How do you develop secure adult interpersonal relationships? This is why, as I told you, mentor parents. I know it’s a very difficult system and it’s not easy to find this kind of a lifetime committed people. But I always say if we could get them, I’m sure out there hundreds and hundreds of them. You just need to be on the lookout. You need to provide opportunities. People would be coming, they would be willing to get trained and they are experienced parents themselves. So parenting experiences plus attachment tenets, they will be able to apply to the children. We also believe a lot on Erickson’s psychosocial theory of development, the eight stages. So we keep on training our staff onto these stages. Unless you understand where the crisis is and you are able to resolve it and go to the next stage, otherwise you will remain there. So it’s very important for all the organizations who are working with children at least in my mind to have this kind of a developmental approach, and we have placed our children right in the midst of the community. So when I found Yuri Bronfenbrenner’s ecological systems approach theory, I was blown away because this is exactly what we were doing, without you know naming as microsystem, mesosystem, exosystem, macrosystem or chronosystem. But we were doing everything, whether it is, you know, at the community level, whether it is at the school level, whether it is at the state level. We were trying to bring children and people, community, together. So I think these are very, very important, this community approach.

Kiran: 48:00

When we go to the community, what we found? Most of the community members. They feel so hopeless because they feel I’m not able to look after my child, so take away my child. How do you convince them that you have enough strength in you and you can look after your children? So I think you know even something as simple as genogram. You know you make them remember who are the people around you who could be. You know, your partners in bringing up your children. What are the assets available in your community, in your area, on which you can impinge upon? I think for any organization, it’s very, very important to keep these in mind. Then, as I’ve been saying again and again throughout that building resilience, improving coping skills, emotion and social well-being make them into a social person. Don’t let them be a loner in a children’s home or even in a community when they are not able to come out. You have to make such systems by which the child is able to cope and become a social being. We have to address behavior modification children who have suffered trauma.

Kiran: 49:07

They need, you know, behavior modification. So we need to develop a proper you know plan for each child. How do you ensure a productive future? And everything should be done in a case management approach and a higher purpose in life. So we haven’t mentioned in our eight domains the spiritual aspect, but I think it’s so important to have a higher purpose in life and that the moment you know anybody who has suffered, they start feeling a higher purpose in their lives. Their hope and faith goes up, and that’s what we are here for and that’s what all the organisation should be aiming for. This is my firm belief.

Colby: 49:50

Yeah, it reminds me a little bit of what I was saying about the house mentor parents as well. When our life has meaning, we thrive. And that was very much the message of Viktor Frankl, the author of Logotherapy and Survivor of Auschwitz and other concentration camps during the Second World War. So yeah, and again another theoretical orientation very close to my heart. That’s wonderful. It’s wonderful to hear that you can instil in our children and young people the children and young people that you serve in your country. I mean, they’re collectively ours. It is one human race, isn’t it?

Kiran: 50:46

I must make a caveat. It’s not possible to have 100% result and we must not get upset or start feeling guilty that I’ve not been able to serve this child. Because you are trying your level best and you are making an individual, specific plan. Still plans fail. So you have to take your successes and your failures in your stride. It’s the trauma is so complex and the kind of trauma they have faced we can’t even imagine. You know, we have not suffered. They have suffered, so they have their own reasons. So we have to keep that in mind and accordingly deal with them and deal with our own frustrations and sense of failure. It’s very, very important that we take self care, otherwise we will never be able to do justice to the children.

Colby: 51:36

Yeah, I think it’s really important that you mentioned that, that it is a tough area to work in and that what you said links in with a couple of my previous podcasts too one with Dr Nicola O’Sullivan talking about supervision and the importance of reflective supervision and acknowledgement that acknowledges the impact of the work on us. The other thing that came to mind was graham carriage’s podcast. Um. That was, I think uh, at this by this day, the the most recent past podcast that I released and he told the story of a young person who he worked with at the cotswold community in the UK in the late 1970s and who who recontacted him or contacted him via LinkedIn only a few years ago, but some 40 years later, for more than 40 years later, and in telling that story, graham did mention that the young person.

Colby: 52:38

You know that there were challenges and it wasn’t the best outcome that you would want to draw everyone’s attention to in terms of his early progress in life, but then he found his way and Graham tells a wonderful story about that young person’s achievements in their adult life and I think what that see a lot of people say to me. You know they worry about whether what they’re doing is enough for these young people. And I’m always put in mind of the one good adult research, the one, the one good adult literature, which which says, and I’m paraphrasing here but as long as a young person, when they’re growing up, can identify one person who, yeah, who is there for them, who understands them, who they can turn to for support, then that will make, yeah, they’re much more likely to have a normal life. And I say normal life because again, I’m tying this in another recent guest, adela Holmes talked about aspirations for our young people should be a normal life, just a normal life.

Colby: 54:06

Just a normal life, yeah, yeah, lovely, Kieran, I always give everyone a. I’m not sure about your time, but I always give everyone a chance now to ask me a question before we go. Did you have a question you’d like to ask me?Kiran: 

54:23

Actually, can I ask you to?

Colby: 54:25

yes, why?

Kiran: 54:26

not. So you’ve been doing such beautiful podcasts two or three of them I’ve been able to hear, and I gained so much from them. I want to understand from you what is one surprising or transformative insight you would like to quote. After meeting so many people who are practitioners in this field you are speaking to people from around the world one surprising and transformative insight which you were not exposed to earlier? This is my first question and the second question in the AI world, you know, how do we manage, you know the learnings that we are making and how do we maintain children’s confidentiality and safeguarding concerns? These two questions I have for you.

Colby: 55:19

Well, I’ll ask. I always pride myself on being able to answer questions without notice. The second one on AI. I have to say I don’t know with that one. I think the technology, the AI field is just developing very quickly. Field is just developing very quickly and if you don’t, if you and if you don’t kind of stick with it, it, it, you know, it leaves you behind very, very quickly. And I had kath nibs on. Katherine nibs on uh, I think was podcast episode four, um, she’s a international um expert in online harm for children and and she reflects on just how difficult it is seemingly, or at least how um, how far behind adults are in having a full appreciation of the online world and where children and young people are at online. So, um, if you haven’t already have a, have a listen to her podcast and and and perhaps um follow up.

Colby: 56:31

I’ve seen your youtube I okay, yes, um, so sorry. Unfortunately, all I could say is I don’t. I don’t really know the answer to that. What I do know is that we can’t we, we probably we need to educate our kids, we can’t our young people about what’s out there. We can’t restrict it, because children who come from deprivation, apart from it being totally unfair, they respond very badly to further attempts to restrict. And also, being overprotective and restrictive in that way will mean that they will feel different to their peers. In terms of what I, there’s been quite a number of insights. The things that have really stood out for me have been the importance well, I came into doing this very much of a mind that you need to have time.

Colby: 57:41

You need to take time to think about what you’re doing if you don’t take time to think about what you’re doing, then you become your work, becomes very heartless and procedural.

Colby: 57:57

And with regard to the heartless point, I think one of the things that I’ve been talking about with a number of guests has been the importance of acknowledging the impact of the work on us and being aware of our own capacity to perhaps not provide the best level of care because it’s uncomfortable for us because of some aspect that it brings up for us.

Colby: 58:32

So I think that, addition to what I was already coming in with about thinking about care, I think thinking about the work we do, thinking about the impact of the work we do and where our blind spots are. Nicola O’Sullivan talked beautifully about this in podcast number three, but you know it can sometimes feel isolating working in this space. It’s very nuanced, it’s very specialist and you can’t just talk to anyone about the work that you do and for them to fully understand and get where you’re coming from, what your experience is, so what the thing that the overwhelming experience that I take out of this is I’m surprised that so many people want to speak to me for a start, and it’s just a great experience to talk to people who are like-minded and have a similar experience of the work.

Kiran: 59:47

Great, thank you, thank you. There’s so much of learning here.Colby: 59:50

Yeah, Well, and thank you. Look, it’s just been wonderful to have you on board today, Kieran. Perhaps can you just tell people, our listeners, where is the best place to get to access more information about Udayan Care.

Kiran: 1:00:07

Yeah, so we are headquartered in Delhi and, as you said, we have expanded our banks to almost every part of India, and the website is there, wwwudayankareorg, so people can always find us. They can find me, kiran Moody. I’m on LinkedIn. I’m everywhere, so they can find me. I’m always available.

Colby: 1:00:32

I’ll put those links on the podcast, the audio and the video that’s on YouTube. Look, kiran. Again, thank you very much for appearing. My plan at the moment is to listen back to each of the podcasts that I’m doing in a little while and write down all the questions that I would have liked to have asked you today, but didn’t have time scheduled to do that. So I wonder if you would be happy for me to recontact you at some later date to ask you a few more questions.

Kiran: 1:01:15

Absolutely more than happy Because you know it makes me also reflect and, like you said, you need time to reflect on what you’re doing. I’ll be more than happy, and especially, you know, our transitioning from the institutional care model to the family-based care. Today we didn’t have enough time for that, I would really love to talk about that, thank you.

Colby: 1:01:37

Yeah, absolutely All right. Well, thank you and all the best to you, and I’ll speak to you another time yes, thank you bye.

Leadership Alignment: The Backbone of Therapeutic Practice

Everyone Needs Reflective Space, Even the CEO

The concept of therapeutic practice in social care settings is often misunderstood or diluted, yet it remains one of the most powerful approaches for creating meaningful change in the lives of vulnerable young people. Simon Benjamin, with over two decades of experience across various care models, offers profound insights into what makes therapeutic practice genuinely effective.

At the heart of therapeutic practice lies a simple yet revolutionary concept: alignment throughout the entire organisation. As Simon explains, therapeutic care cannot be compartmentalised to frontline workers alone. The approach must be embedded from the CEO to the receptionist, creating a cohesive environment where everyone understands their role in the healing journey. This alignment is not merely about following procedures but about creating a culture where reflection, vulnerability, and trust become institutional values.

Simon’s journey from cleaning houses as a support worker to becoming CEO of the Lighthouse Foundation demonstrates how witnessing therapeutic practice at various organisational levels provides unique insights. His experiences at the Mulberry Bush School in the UK and the Lighthouse Foundation in Australia showed him what truly effective therapeutic environments look like. In these settings, policies weren’t just administrative documents but thoughtfully crafted guidelines that read “beautifully,” as if someone was speaking to you. This attention to detail reflects the depth of consideration given to every aspect of care.

Perhaps most revolutionary is Simon’s emphasis on reflective practice at every level of the organisation. He describes how even administration teams at the Mulberry Bush School had reflective spaces, despite having no direct clinical work. This practice acknowledges that everyone in the organisation contributes to the therapeutic environment, whether they’re working directly with clients or not. For leadership teams, these reflective spaces serve as mirrors, allowing them to examine their decision-making processes and reconnect with the core purpose of their work.

Simon offers a powerful metaphor for understanding why these structures are necessary: working in social care, particularly child protection, is like navigating rough terrain. Without proper supports like reflective practice and ongoing training, it’s like “stripping off the increased suspension” from an off-road vehicle. The result? People get “bashed up” – they burn out and leave, often without citing the true reasons for their departure.

What’s particularly challenging about implementing therapeutic practice is that it requires vulnerability from everyone involved, including leadership. Simon describes how, as a CEO, he maintained mandatory reflective spaces even for his director of fundraising and head of finance. Initially uncomfortable, these spaces became essential for ensuring all departments understood the work happening on the ground. During COVID-19, rather than reducing these reflective practices due to increased pressure, Simon’s team doubled them, recognising their critical importance during times of stress.

For organisations looking to implement therapeutic approaches, Simon emphasises the importance of leadership buy-in and understanding change management principles. Rather than imposing changes, he suggests engaging the entire organisation in the process, modelling the very approaches used with clients. This participatory approach not only increases buy-in but embodies the therapeutic principles being implemented.

As the social care sector continues to evolve, Simon’s vision calls for agreed standards of what constitutes therapeutic care. Without such benchmarks, the term risks becoming “a bit of a cheap word,” diluted to the point where any organisation can claim to be “trauma-informed” after minimal training. True therapeutic practice, like medication reaching its therapeutic level, must provide enough positive care experiences to actually impact lives and facilitate healing.

You can listen here:

You can watch here:

About Simon

For two decades, Simon experienced a wide range of care models in disability, mental health, special education, out-of-home care and Aboriginal childcare services.

This included caring for deeply traumatised children in both community-based and state-run residential care homes. More than 10 years of this time was spent immersed in the well-established therapeutic milieu workplaces of The Mulberry Bush School in the United Kingdom, and Lighthouse Foundation in Australia, having been CEO for more than five years at the latter.

Simon now draws on this rich career experience, together with the latest research and evidence-based approaches, to empower organisational leaders, teams and frontline workers to better manage their own wellbeing and deliver optimal outcomes.

While his work supports a broad range of clients, Simon specialises in Out of Home Care, Mental Health, Homelessness sectors.

Simon’s vision is to see people, organisations and the human services sector deliver the care that vulnerable people need to enable them to reach their potential.

Related Podcast Interviews:

Lynne Peyton

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Tom Ellison

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Simon: 0:03

That, for me, is the key of how therapeutic practice really works. Is the stuff that you would do with a child actually happens through the whole organisation?

Simon: 0:10

The senior leadership team had a reflective space, a clinical supervision space that was held regularly I think it was monthly and that was held right through. Even the administration team had a reflective space. I think that was the key thing in maintaining a therapeutic environment. The alignment has got to be through the whole system, from top to bottom, and the way I often describe the need for this in a leadership team is if you don’t, especially for a group supervision for a team, if you don’t provide the a group supervision for a team, if you don’t provide the space for it, people will talk somewhere, um, they’ll talk with their spouse, or they’ll talk, um, by the photocopier or, you know, have a private zoom with each other. The conversations will happen, but it’s best you bring them into an environment where they’re contained and you can have them as a group and, you know, get everyone’s perspective.

Simon: 1:04

I know, then, being as a CEO, the distance you feel when you’ve got suddenly a board to report to budgets, to meet financial pressures and you’re not in the day-to-day is not in your mind as much. A leader having supervision, enabled time to reflect on work things, that’s just for you. It’s not, you know, because you can talk with one direct report and you’ve got to be mindful what you’re sharing, you talk to your partner or whoever, and you’ve got to. You can’t share everything, but this person can share whatever you want and um, it’s just, yeah, it’s, it’s a bit of a release valve and many other beneficial things, I think, and it also connects you a bit with the work. You then have it. You see its benefits. You think actually I need to have this through the organization because everyone needs this.

Colby: 1:54

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is an experienced leader and consultant with cross-sector experience. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands we’re meeting on For me, the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains and for my guests, the Jagera, yugara and Turrgal people. And I’d just like to acknowledge the continuing connection that the living Aboriginal people feel to land, waters, culture and community, and pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest for this episode is Simon Benjamin.

Colby: 2:44

For two decades, simon experienced a wide range of care models in disability, mental health, special education, out-of-home care and Aboriginal childcare services. This included caring for deeply traumatised children in both community-based and state-run residential care homes community-based and state-run residential care homes. More than 10 years of this time was spent immersed in the well-established therapeutic milieu workplaces of the Mulberry Bush School in the United Kingdom and the Lighthouse Foundation in Australia, where he was CEO for more than five years. Simon now draws on this rich career experience, together with the latest research and evidence-based approaches, to empower organisational leaders, teams and frontline workers to better manage their own wellbeing and deliver optimal service outcomes, while his work supports a broad range of clients. Simon specialises in out-of-home care, mental health and homelessness sectors. Simon’s vision is to see people, organisations and the human services sector deliver the care that vulnerable people need to enable them to reach their potential. Welcome, simon. Is there anything you’d like to add to that summary of you?

Simon: 4:11

Oh no, that’s quite a good roundup. I think I probably need to condense it a little bit more. But yeah, no, that sounds fine with me. Yeah, I probably would add. Actually, just on thinking of it, just my main focus in my consultancy, working with kind of social um organizations and social care is therapeutic practice. Yes, the uh it’s the recognition of the importance of therapeutic practice and how to adopt it and integrate it into regular service delivery, regular interactions with children, youth and families. Yeah, Awesome.

Colby: 4:48

Well, let’s get into it. So the first question I have of you is a fairly large one, so hopefully it doesn’t feel too much, but I just wanted to ask you what led you into a career supporting leaders and teams deliver best outcomes for their clients, including in the social care sector, and who and what were your major influences?

Simon: 5:16

Okay, well, look, it started for me around 23 years ago. I was new to Australia well new-ish. I just got married, I just got my visa to work here and so I’m from England originally and I was looking at different options. I had an honest degree in psychology from the UK options. I had an honest degree in psychology from the UK and I just felt right moving into a career where, into the care industry basically.

Simon: 5:51

So I started out as a home carer for my local council, working supporting families who had children with a disability. It started with house cleaning. So here I was with my degree and everything else, cleaning houses, which my father thought was just a disgrace um, but that soon progressed into becoming a respite carer for the, for the families, and and then I also started working in disability um and then, after a couple years of doing that, I went into youth mental health um and then adult mental health in day programs and residential um facilities and it just started progressing from there. Then it worked into a subacute unit where adults who had been in a psychiatric facility. They went into this place for about four weeks to kind of begin the transition back into the community.

Simon: 6:40

So I had a kind of varied experience, so I had a kind of varied experience, and then it was when I started working in residential care in Melbourne predominantly, that I kind of started to feel I found my niche and I then moved over to Perth for a year and worked in their first therapeutic group home. That was run by the Department of Child Protection it’s still running, that’s the same home and we had a team leader there who was from the UK it was quite recent and he’d worked in therapeutic facilities in England and actually was a, was a consultant, was kind of consulting, went around helping group homes that weren’t functioning too well, and so that was where I kind of had my first taste of therapeutic interactions one-to-one with, you know, children who were these were children up to age 12 quite violent presentations, and I was in that for a year and then from there I went to the UK and worked, worked at the Marlborough School for four and a half years um, which really um was an amazing experience to see how a well-developed, well-established therapeutic organization works um and where their practice is, from the receptionist to the ceo and everything in between um all fully aligned, and that gave me just a you know, just a great experience. I was actually working in the team that worked with the families. So while a lot of work was done with the children while they were at the residential school for 38 weeks of the year, then they went home and sometimes they went home to a family where the dysfunction originated from. So my work was to work with families to help them make progress. Progress also. And then when I came back from there, I spent a year at the Victorian Aboriginal Child Care Agency and then I went to Lighthouse Foundation working in that relationship with children and youth, where you actually build trust and take them on the journey or walk with them while they’re experiencing their own change and self-discovery about things that have impacted their lives.

Simon: 8:55

So then, when I moved into a CEO role, it was quite different. I was no longer, you know, interacting, or you know supervising carers or directly working with youth and children. Interacting, or you know supervising carers or directly working with youth and children and um, I then, you know, we went as a leading organization. It’s a whole different set of skills to learn and um, coming out from the other side of that, I mean it was a great experience. We grew the organization. It kind of doubled in size, financially. We went into, we started a foster care program, but that was new to the adopting a therapeutic approach. That was new to the sector. It had some variations to existing programs, and the core work of therapeutic practice, which is about the interactions really the interactions with children, youth and then within teams, is based on things like establishing trust.

Simon: 9:54

So you need to establish trust with your client or your participants, or just the child or youth or family, and to do that you have to have a level of vulnerability yourself to demonstrate in a professional capacity, um, and then from that trust you can then engage in and go through difficult experiences with them where they push your boundaries and challenge you and they feel your boundaries and vice versa.

Simon: 10:17

And and through that um relationship there’s trust built and then things can be started to overcome.

Simon: 10:24

And what I loved is um you know is is translating that into a management situation where, uh, I work with leadership teams now to help them be vulnerable with each other, to help them build trust so that they can actually thrash out the things they need to thrash out and make good decisions.

Simon: 10:40

Because the um work you do with with um with children, youth or families is is gray, it’s there’s no clear answer as to what you know. You’re personally working with needs in that particular moment and um, and so you need to have, build that relationship to help them, so you know what you can do to be of assistance and you know they know what they need from you and vice versa. And it’s not it’s difficult to articulate. The same is true of a leadership team of an organization. They have to work in the gray because they have to make decisions where there’s no, not necessarily a right or wrong answer, and they need the same set of skills to be able to work with each other. And that’s why I work in two different spaces that seem unrelated but actually have similar challenges. So that’s kind of how I’ve got to where I work here now.

Colby: 11:31

Fantastic Quite, the varied history. I mean really, basically, in a journalistic world it would be from the, I guess, from the floor up, you know, the mail person or whatever, right up to the editor of the newspaper and then freelancing after. That would be a similar kind of metaphor. You mentioned two in there, two very probably well-known, particularly the Mulberry Bush School and also the Lighthouse Foundation, which is well known to many of our listeners and to me. Um, you told me a little story a bit earlier about how you came to work in um, your first two jobs, uh, in when you returned to australia. I don’t. I think people be interested. Find that a little bit interesting to hear that story told.

Simon: 12:25

So I was at the Mulberry Bush School.

Simon: 12:31

The team I worked in was often the team that showed people around, when we had visitors, because the care workers or the teaching staff were often engaged with the children, obviously. So I’d showed many visitors around, but two visitors in particular. I firstly I think halfway through my tenure there I showed around Susan Barton, who’s the founder of Lighthouse Foundation and one of the executive directors at the time, and they said to me because you know through conversation I was with them for about an hour and a half that you know I’d been living in Melbourne for eight years, ten years, and I was intending to return at some point. And they said look, whenever you come back, please get in touch. It would be lovely to see if there’s an opportunity for you to work with us. So that was that Two years later, when I was actually put in my resignation, I was due to be leaving in a couple of months to come back to Melbourne.

Simon: 13:20

And I then showed around Adela Holmes with a friend of hers, and she’d been to the Mulberry Bush before, but she was having a second visit and I said to her oh, you know, I found out she was from Melbourne. I told her I was returning there and then she said oh, look, do you, have you found a job here? And I said I haven’t started looking. And then, long story short, I ended up working with Adela for just under a year at the Victorian Aboriginal Childcare Agency. So yes, there’s two people who I showed around and ended up working for both of them.

Colby: 13:50

Yes, and of course Adela has already been on the pod and yeah. So through that process of acquiring experiences and working in some really quite interesting places, were there any particular influences over your development that you would be happy to share with us, both the work environments that you were in and their approach to the work, or thought leaders, I guess, in the sector.

Simon: 14:33

Sure, I think probably there were some workers that impacted me that you know. I don’t remember some of their names just their approaches.

Simon: 14:45

But I think probably the first one to impact me was um, the um team. There’s house supervisor in the house in in Perth where I worked and um, he just had a very matter of fact um kind of approach and um, I think uh, gave me confidence in what I was doing. I’ve been working, um, I think this is one thing I’m going to say here’s probably quite key for some residential care workers, because when I first came into residential care, I didn’t as and I hadn’t been a parent at that point, I hadn’t had my first child, and I think actually being a parent puts you in a good stead to some degree, because I didn’t know what normal was, what should a normal, what normal child be doing, and how do I engage with this person. That’s a basic level of training that I didn’t have. I had no training actually and he really helped me develop my own person, to interact, which really was to encourage me just to be me.

Simon: 15:41

And I think that because I saw all these other kind of youth workers and they were really hip and really cool and I thought I got to be like them and I just I just wasn’t me. I just, you know, wasn’t quite hip and cool and um, and I then found in time that, um, uh, just through his encouragement, that actually they just needed a person, um, who, just a person, who is predictable, reliable, and it really encouraged me to be myself. So he was one influence Danny Burnett was his name in.

Colby: 16:12

Perth.

Simon: 16:13

Give him a shout because he was excellent. I think he’s still a year or two ago. He was still there, from what I recall.

Colby: 16:20

I was just going to jump in and say in authenticity is really still, I guess, talked about as being very important in this sector, because the kids see through fakeness very, very quickly and easily.

Simon: 16:38

That’s right, yeah, yeah, and I completely agree. Let me think yeah, and I completely agree, let me think, I think from there. When I worked at the Marlbury Bush School I can’t really point to any particular individual, but just the whole approach of that school really resounded with me and gave me again even further confidence to be who I was, to raise my voice in forums where to challenge ideas, because that’s what they did really well. There was one situation I remember there was one particular child that was causing, amongst you know, thirsty children that were all high, complex presentations. One was really pushing the boundaries of you know the different things the school was trying to do. And I remember the director of the time calling a meeting with some key individuals to kind of say we’re calling for different approaches as to what people think. And it was really amazing that, you know, the senior people were actually kind of saying we want everyone’s input here because this is a difficult situation for us to manage. And that really gave me like wow, this is a great way of just coming up with ideas. Brainstorming, decision-making really shows the nature of therapeutic practice that everyone’s involved. We want everyone’s skills on the table, everyone’s ideas, and so that was a good experience, a good influence there.

Simon: 17:59

Adela was also, I think, helped refine my approach a little bit. I think I love her dogged passion for the work and how. You know it was much more than a job for Adela and others in particular, and I think I probably found the same in Susan Barton as well, like you know, incredible commitment, um, and would fight, you know, for the kids um, tooth and nail if she had to. Um, yes, and um the other others on the journey, um, but they’re probably some of the, the main ones. I can probably list a few more names, but I’ll leave it there.

Colby: 18:41

It’s interesting because, um, you mentioned everyone being making a contribution and and kind of like a an open and flat structure in a way in terms of putting heads together. And, um, my most recent past uh podcast guest was Graeme Kerridge and he’s had a long and distinguished career in healthcare management internationally. But he started his professional career at the Cotswold community where Barbara Docker-Drysdale, who started the Mulberry Bush School, was the therapeutic consultant there. And what you just said about the Mulberry Bush not surprised or unsurprisingly is very similar to what impressed Graham about his work at the Cotswold community. So there’s an alignment between, um, those, those two places, and their practices. That, um, you know when you think about it, if you were exposed to that, I think, in around about the year 2000 or thereabouts, early 2000s. Is that correct?

Simon: 19:58

uh, no, for me it was at the Mulberry Bush uh.

Colby: 20:00

2009 to 2005 well, even even mean there’s 30 years difference between what Graeme’s describing at the Cotswold community.

Simon: 20:12

It really speaks, I think, to the enduring wisdom of Barbara Dockard, rysdale, really, and others who through those two seminal ventures, the Mowbray Bush School and the Cotswold community, yeah, and, if I can pick up on that, I think just to pinpoint because the articulation of, I think, what the keys are, there is a confidence in the approach to kind of say I don’t know, I don’t know what to do, I need to consult with others, and that’s what I loved about that that was really encouraging in the mobile brush was there was a lot of teamwork where people were just being really honest and vulnerable I don’t know what to do, or I’ve tried this and even people who experienced the people of at Modigrish have been there like 20 years but would still consult, and that, for me, I saw some of the best teamwork I’ve ever experienced where, in one of the teams I was in, it was actually at the point when I knew I was leaving and I was in the midst of thinking, oh, I’m going to so miss this, because you had real people of a lot of experience just pondering and discussing ideas and how are we going to do this, how are we going to break it through?

Simon: 21:33

And you know, there was so much thought that went into the children’s lives that it made such a difference. It was, yeah, incredible. So I think, yeah, that vulnerability of to be confident enough to say I don’t know, that’s consult.

Colby: 21:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s wonderful. I love for people to be thinking about what they’re doing. Too often they, you know, in the pressure of these complex work environments, people are in the pressure of these complex work environments. People are looking for the procedural response, or, you know, the easy solution or the straightforward solution suggestion. And John Whitwell was funny and I know you listened to his podcast when he said, when he made the transition from being the principal at the Cotswold community over to the UK’s first therapeutic foster care program and in his initial experiences there, staff would come to him with a question and he would say, well, I don’t know, I’ll have to think about that. And the staff were like, what? You know, you’re the ceo, we should be able to come to you for an answer. So, yeah, it’s, I think.

Simon: 22:52

I think adopting that stance that um, all, all humans, all, all young humans, and all situations, um, deserve a bit of thought, uh, about, you know, in terms of how we we’re delivering a service to them yeah, that’s right, and unfortunately it flies in the face sometimes of a government funding system than once um at um detailed outcomes of what will happen if they invest in a certain thing, and it can be, and meeting those two is another point of discussion.

Colby: 23:32

Yeah sure, Simon. We’ve heard about your work in a number of organisations, including those with an overarching therapeutic model or approach. I’m really interested to hear from you about what challenges you encountered or saw in maintaining a consistent therapeutic approach or practices across organisations, and how these were overcome.

Simon: 23:59

Sure, I think the challenge is really, if you have buy-in at the top, yeah, organisations that. So the Mulberry Bush and at Lighthouse it needed the leaders to say this is how our organisation is going to roll and to maintain it. I think probably the strongest, the strongest, this was done probably um strongly at the mulberry bush, where they had detailed policies written up that described how they would do things, even to the point of um. At the mulberry bush they were able to certainly in my day, but I was the physical restraint of children if need be, and they had detailed policies that described how and when they would you know, use this and why. And the policy read beautifully Like it was a very well thought out and it was as if it was like someone speaking to you giving you guidance and training. That’s how the policy was written, so you can tell it had been formed after you know a long time and been refined.

Simon: 25:11

And another practice that they had was that the senior leadership team had a reflective space, a clinical supervision space that was held regularly. I think it was monthly, and that was held regularly. I think it was monthly um, and and that was held right through. Even the administration team had a reflective space and they had no. They were doing no clinical work, no therapeutic work. They had interaction with the children because the children would walk through reception, so they were. Even the way they interacted had had importance, which is why they were part of the supervision process so that structure was right.

Simon: 25:44

The way through the system and that structure was right the way through the system. The policies were right the way through the system and I think that was the key thing in maintaining a therapeutic environment. The alignment has got to be through the whole system, from top to bottom. I’ve seen in other organisations where I’ve worked where it’s just the program is the therapeutic program and the rest of the organisation doesn’t have the therapeutic parts to it. That doesn’t work so well and I’ve seen one example I can recount, I won’t name names.

Simon: 26:16

I was a therapeutic advisor to a residential care program and I didn’t have the final say, I was just the advisor and I gave some advice on a situation that was of a young person and there’d been a number of like them leaving the home and it was getting a bit more dangerous and you know different things were being tried. I made some recommendations that they should do this and not that and blah, blah. Someone two levels more senior than than than even the person I was working with, um vetoed that suggestion and went with their um. You know their direction on things, having not really much contact with the day-to-day and what I said would happen if they did that ended up happening and that for me, is just an indicator of what happens when the whole organisation is not in alignment and in the same systems. I know then, being as a CEO, the distance you feel when you’ve got suddenly a board to report to budgets, to meet financial pressures, and the day-to-day is not in your mind as much. And then so you have this pressure and you kind of think, okay, I need to make this decision.

Simon: 27:36

And then I found then having that reflective group where we’ve got the director of care and the therapeutic input in the room helped ground my thinking and bring me back to the key of the work. And I can see how you’ve got great workers on the ground, great social workers, who then become senior leaders, how they lose touch, and I know that some of them. You know one CEO I met. He was going to a residential care home every month at least to go and have dinner with them to stay in touch, which which I thought was just fantastic, but that that can ground you to a degree. But I think having a regular thing through the system is the thing that actually holds it. And the challenges are you get very busy and often the first thing to go when you get really busy is the reflective practice, because no business is being exchanged other than just each person’s well-being, which is very important, and so it’s the first thing to go.

Simon: 28:33

Now. What we had at Lighthouse is one I instituted the leadership team having a regular space. It was recommended to me by my director of care and I completely related to it, having been in her position, um not long before. So I agreed and I maintained it the whole time I was there, um, and it was mandatory space even for our director of fundraising, even for our head of finance, and for them it was an uncomfortable space at the beginning because they had no idea what it was all about, but you know, essential. So even when they were signing off you know large invoices, they had an understanding as to what was going on because they were a bit more in touch with the work. So I think, and just to give one example, when things got more difficult, like especially during COVID I was CEO during, you know, during the first part of COVID we actually doubled our reflective practice as a leadership team rather than reduced it, because we had some more critical decisions to make and we knew it was important that we um were having the the buffer effect of having a space to think properly as a team.

Simon: 29:37

The way I describe it to people is like this um, I describe the work in in care, especially in child protection type work, as it’s like you’re working in rougher terrain and you wouldn’t take a normal road vehicle in an off-road environment and effectively the kind of work is off-road environment. You would have a vehicle that’s got a four-wheel drive with higher suspension, and I find what happens is if you don’t have things in place like reflective practice through the whole system, ongoing training not once in a year training, ongoing training as mandatory things for your team, then you’re basically stripping off the increased suspension, you’re stripping off all those features and you’re sending a road car into an off-road environment. And what happens? It gets bashed up, basically, and people leave and they get burnt out and they don’t tell you that’s the reason they’re leaving. They give another reason, but that’s often the case.

Colby: 30:33

I think there’s so much in there in your response there, simon, that I also have had varied experiences and I have been involved in delivering as a consultant, external consultant in therapeutic care.

Colby: 30:50

I’ve also been involved in the delivery of a therapeutic care program and I just want to maybe get you to expand a little bit more based on my experience. And my experience would be that management want something, they want a program to be rolled out, a program of training for staff. So it comes from management, but that’s where it ends, that’s where you don’t hear further really from management, but that’s where it ends, that’s where you don’t hear further really from management. You then, and in my case I’ve been left to just roll out the program, the therapeutic caregiving, training and implementation with a particular program, and that just didn’t work from my point of view. It didn’t work out well at all. So it needs more than just to be management approved. It needs to be as you described. It needs to be part of the whole structure, rolled out across the whole structure of the organisation, at every level.

Simon: 32:11

And I’m not.

Colby: 32:13

I was just going to say I’m not sure. In the bigger organisations. I’m interested to hear your thoughts on how management might be more involved in the rollout of a particular endeavour or program, given that some of our bigger organisations are so multifaceted you know especially our statutory child protection organisations.

Simon: 32:40

Well, I know, look, I don’t uh a lot of the detail behind models like, for example, the sanctuary model. I know that their process has a lot of change management features in, where they they consider it a change management process, which is actually really what it is. So you’re effectively bringing in a cultural change to an organization, of the way it works. So it it kind of requires the leadership to drive it, and if the leadership aren’t really involved, then for me I just, you know, make very clear what will happen if they’re not involved, that it will be an investment that will peter out after a certain amount of time and they’ll end up cancelling decisions that they kind of initially went ahead for and not see how they’ve got from A to B. But they’ve got there. So, yeah, it is very much because it’s a different way of working, it’s a retraining, it really is, and I think the intention is often good.

Simon: 33:36

We want these children healed or we want them on a better life trajectory, or to start on a better life trajectory. So go and do that. But there’s often, sometimes the the you hear this a lot for people who don’t know the implications of things is there’s a, sometimes a notion of can you just go and fix these children, and this program will fix them and and it’s, and it’s just not to do that Like you don’t go to the doctors to get fixed, you go there to be healed and treated, and that’s actually the. You know, we kind of use that kind of language and yeah. So I think there’s a lot more involved. It has to come from the top and I think sometimes, you know, in terms of engaging with an organisation, it’s if a consultant I’m not saying I do this or that others should she could say if your leadership don’t buy into this, I won’t work with you because there’s no point it’s a waste of time.

Colby: 34:30

exactly I, I and and that was exactly what you were reading my mind I was thinking there’s no way I would go in and as a consultant to or even to roll out um program without the leadership participating in it. Again, yeah, because you put so much of your wisdom, your knowledge, your acquired knowledge and you put so much heart into the endeavor and when it doesn’t work out, that’s very painful. I guess it certainly was for me to have that experience in this sector.

Simon: 35:15

Yeah, and I think also saying no when they want you to say yes is you know, is in some ways, you know, when you say no to them, it’s kind of saying actually no. This this takes you to, even if it takes another six months or a year to decide if you probably want to do it, it takes your full commitment, otherwise you know it’s not going to work I think, yeah, I think they’re really awesome points.

Colby: 35:44

Yeah, how do you reconcile that? Sorry, these are questions without notice, but you know, there’s also and I’ve been guilty of it at times a school of thought that is that you achieve change bottom up, or that you try to and I kind of try to do that in my work. I try to capture the I I kind of try to do that in my work. I try to, I try to capture the hearts and minds of the work of the workforce in this sector through not just podcasts like this but youtube videos that I make writing books, you know that sort of thing and try and facilitate something you know an embryonic, bottom-up, ground-up progression towards a more trauma-informed organization well, I think I mean it.

Simon: 36:30

Look, it really depends on the organization.

Simon: 36:31

I think, you know, if you don’t have the buy-in from the top, you start working on the ground, it could be that the, the whole organization starts to shift in that direction.

Simon: 36:38

It’s just whether the leadership provide the authorizing environment for the said program to do what it needs to do, and I think then it then needs the people in that program to be able to articulate what they’re doing in such a way where it’s properly communicated and received to the leadership. Um, so I think, yeah, I mean, you know, I wouldn’t turn away if someone said, look, we want to train this thing because I think, like you say, there’s a hope that it will start to progress through um, and it really would be on um, things being properly, you know, documented, recorded, and and they’re being, you know, um, the, they’re being some um, not results, but some progress in the lives of the children. We’ve actually we’re seeing, like instance, reduce, we’re seeing people the school attendance picking up, you know if that’s been an issue or different things, and then kind of go okay, what is this, what, how is this? Just turning around, and then it could be that that will start to enthuse the more senior levels.

Colby: 37:40

Yeah, yeah you’ve, you’ve had a I mean across your career, of which spans decades. You’ve you’ve worked from yeah, all the way from down, uh, at cleaning homes, right through to ceo and consultant, um to ceos and organizations and leadership teams. I’m just wondering if you, with all that wisdom that you’ve gathered, is there something that you would like to see happen in a cross-sector way that will help to realise the ambitions of all involved of better outcomes for the young people that we deliver services on behalf of?

Simon: 38:25

Sure, I think you know, I think when being the role of CEO, I was fortunate enough to be recruited in Victoria to like a working group of 12 leaders. At the time it was 2016. It was under there was a roadmap to reform, to reform the child protection system, and it was originally designed. It was like a co-design. It was actually probably in the end we were more consulted as opposed to designing, and it gave me I was on that for a few years, a number of years, and it gave me an overview as to why the sector looks at different things to different models and everything. And what I kind of realized was that, um, therapeutic care is not really understood um in in, um in among, even among ceos, um, there’s the people that kind of sit through the training, kind of they might say that you know that we’ve got trauma-informed programs and it’s trauma-informed and the whole thing, and I think that’s that’s become a I’m sad to say, a bit of a cheap word now, because any, most people can experience a bit of training and say that they’re trauma-informed. It’s whether they I mean I know there are other organizations who’ve broken this down I think it’s been good that you know you can be trauma aware, um, but then are you actually you know trauma practised and those different things, and I’ve you know, I did some work myself on what actually does therapeutic mean? Because one forum I was in the government minister at the time wasn’t in the forum, but I was told by someone who connected with them quite frequently that the government minister didn’t believe therapeutic practice worked and I thought how has that happened? Obviously, what’s been represented to them it must not have been genuinely therapeutic. And what that shows to me is, among many other things I’ve seen, is there needs to be some agreed standards of what therapeutic care is. What I did like in England at the Marlborough School was there was the Marlborough School were involved back then. I’m not sure if they are still now. It’s called the Therapeutic Communities and I think it was called the Community of Communities and they basically peer reviewed each other on a regular cycle to check their policies, to check their different parts of their practice and everything to actually be accredited as a therapeutic community. I think that needs to be happening, certainly in Australia and probably internationally, where there are agreed standards that if you’re not following these standards then you’re not therapeutic, because for me, therapeutic and not just trauma informed, but therapeutic.

Simon: 41:12

And by therapeutic I mean it’s kind of borrowed from my understanding, is borrowed from the medical term relating to medication. When you take a medication, it reaches its therapeutic level when it’s starting to impact and it has an impact on the disease or condition it’s treating or fighting. And that therapeutic level is dependent on how much you weigh and different things. I could take the dose of a child for a particular medication and it won’t reach its therapeutic level. For me it’s the same.

Simon: 41:46

I believe, when working with people who experience trauma, are they receiving enough of the good care experiences to actually start to impact their lives? Where they start to, you know, there’s repair of their attachment style, there’s repair of their experiences. Where they don’t respond in the same ways, they learn new ways of responding. That’s when the healing starts to take place. That’s when the therapeutic is having an impact. I think a lot of places that call themselves trauma-informed or therapeutic, if they go to the level of calling themselves therapeutic, aren’t actually reaching that what I call therapeutic level. And I think that’s what’s needed, because then you’ll have a minister who will start to see programs that are actually working and bringing change and will then say, okay, it’s worth investing in. So I think there needs to be, across the board, some standards that are set, and then I think the number of organizations or programs that are called therapeutic will drop off and the real ones will emerge. That are called therapeutic will drop off and the real ones will emerge.

Colby: 42:53

And I love that idea that you were talking about with the community of communities in the UK getting together and probably collectively agreeing some standards against which they reviewed each other, yeah, and kept each other accountable in the process in doing that and kind of. That allows me to segue, I think, a bit into. You’ve mentioned a number of times already about leadership having the opportunity to have their own reflective practice groups. I’m just wondering what you would see as being the key benefits that are derived from leadership of social care organisations having their own supervision group supervision, reflective practice supervision. You’ve talked about the benefit for the program in terms of implementation and alignment through the organisation, but what do chief executives and others get out of supervision?

Simon: 44:10

I think it provides a mirror. I mean, can you imagine going through weeks and weeks and weeks but never looking in a mirror to see how you look, to see how you’re responding, how you’re doing things? Because for me, clinical supervision is someone reflecting back to you what’s coming out of you and to have that reflected back for you to then go. Is this the way I want to be making decisions? Is that you know, and you know I’m pleased to say, a lot of the time, or some of the time, what was reflected back to me, I thought, oh, I’m quite pleased with my approach on that. But it also allowed me to refine some things and I think that’s probably what’s missing. I would say for a ceo who’s come from more the business world and comes into an environment there’d be hang on, what’s all this? You know fluffy stuff I need to get involved in. It’s probably similar to them having a coach, because a coach I’ve had I had a coach as a ceo and incredibly helpful because, um, they get to. It’s like a sounding board and it’s many different things and I think probably the clinical space is similar in many respects but also gets down to you know, you being in touch with what’s going on inside with you, especially when it comes to decision-making. You have a lot of tensions to hold, your communication has to be very measured in different forums and um, and you’re holding on a lot of stress that you’re often not aware of or you are aware of but not how much is impacting different things that you’re doing.

Simon: 45:45

And the way I often describe the need for this in a leadership team is, if you don’t, especially for a group supervision for a team, if you don’t provide the space for it, people will talk somewhere, um, they’ll talk with their spouse or they’ll talk um by the photocopier or, you know, have a private zoom with each other.

Simon: 46:05

The conversations will happen, but it’s best you bring them into an environment where they’re contained and you can have them as a group and, you know, get everyone’s perspective and and I think the same as a leader, having supervision enabled time to reflect on work things. That’s just for you. It’s not, you know, because you can talk with one direct report and you’ve got to be mindful of what you’re sharing. You talk to your partner or whoever, and you can’t share everything, but this person can share whatever you want and it’s just yeah, it’s a bit of a release valve and many other beneficial things, I think, and it also connects you a bit with the work. You then have it. You see its benefits. You think actually I need to have this through the organisation because everyone needs this.

Colby: 46:48

Yeah, that’s.

Colby: 46:50

Yeah, that’s really a very important point that if um, um, modeling the model is a, is a, um, a term that is used, I guess, um in in our work a lot um, that, that idea that you just presented, that um of supervisors modelling the model but if they can see and feel the benefit for themselves, then perhaps hopefully they’re more likely to say this should be happening all through the organisation.

Colby: 47:31

And again, I say there’s a tremendous benefit in people just having the opportunity to think about what they’re doing. Yeah, and the other thing that I really liked in what you said there was about that people will talk anyway, but what people probably need is the benefit of a containing space, is that you have that person that structures and manages the interaction in such a way that people can be vulnerable and hopefully it doesn’t invoke defences that mean that they shy away from deep and accurate self-reflection as well as reflection on the work. Yeah, love it. So my final question to you would be if you were asked to give advice to an organisation that was just starting out on developing a therapeutic milieu and a therapeutic model and practice in it, what key advice do you think you would be wanting to give them.

Simon: 48:53

Okay, the first thing, based on probably what I said earlier, was um, just to ensure that the leadership are on board um and to um. So, yeah, it was to be very clear on for the leadership you know, I and um I on board with this and just to make sure that they understand that the investment is obviously going to take time and probably to kind of educate them a bit on what it is like to change a culture and to do a bit of work on change management practices. Because, I mean, one thing I saw in change management once I attended a masterclass on it once was actually to was to will, be to the organisation, was for the leadership to go to the organisation to kind of say we need to make this change and, you know, explore why, to get the buy-in and then kind of go to them how do you think we should do this change and open it up? Obviously, there’s going to be parameters, there’ll be things that we suggested that we’d know, but they need to be explained as to why. Because then you’ll be taking the organisation on a journey with you and they’ve been able to contribute to the process and I think because in doing that you’re actually modelling the way you’d interact with a child, which is really the way that that, for me, is the key of how therapeutic practice really works is the stuff that you would do with a child actually happens through the whole organization. And so you would say with a child look, there’s this.

Simon: 50:30

You know, I’ll give an example of a challenging behavior. There’s this behavior that’s going on and we can’t keep doing this. Do you understand the reasons why? Oh yeah, because thingy gets hurt and you’re doing things you don’t want to do. How do we help you with that? And it’ll be the same thing you do with the staff.

Simon: 50:45

We need to make this change.

Simon: 50:46

How do we go about doing this in a way that’s going to work for everyone as best as we can do it and, be honest, not everyone’s going to like this. Some of you may want to leave, and that’s all right, but how can we leave in a really good way if you are going to leave and and just talk it through and then start to introduce things you need to introduce? Look, we’re going to need some training, we’re going to need to rewrite some policies, we’re going to need to do a whole change and it’s going to take time and we’ll check in with each other as we go and just take it on that kind of journey and that’s, that’s really like a just a thumbnail sketch just to some of the things that are involved. I believe, um, but it’s, I think also in the same thing of working where you work with a child you meet as a consultant, I’d meet an organization where they are and and take them where they are and map out. Map out the steps and make it realistic with a constant review process.

Colby: 51:38

Great, well, look, there’s so many takeaways in there for me and, I hope, for the people who are listening to this podcast as well. Thank you very much for your time and being gracious enough to accept the invitation before you go. I do give everyone these days. I didn’t the first couple of podcasts, but then I thought I’d be a good thing to do give you a chance to ask me a question without notice. I’ve asked you a lot, um, so I’m wondering if there’s a question curly or otherwise, otherwise that you might want to ask me before we finish up.

Simon: 52:18

Sorry, I think probably the. I guess one thing is I like to learn off of people is what’s the greatest thing that you’ve learned in this sector? So it could be an error you made or something like that. What’s something, that kind of really a situation you went through that you learned. Wow, this really taught me a huge thing. What did you learn?

Colby: 52:47

There’s quite a few different things. I’ve learned about what I think is fundamentally important, and I’ve talked about what I think is fundamentally important, and I’ve talked about that in previous podcasts. I think that the way we manage a person’s felt self-worth is really important, but I think the thing that is really jumping around in my head and I’ll speak it is that not all problems can be fixed, but at least they can be understood. Yeah, so what I mean by that is that, and particularly when you’re working and interacting with our children and young people, we can’t even, we shouldn’t even pretend. And when you said earlier about people who say, well, you know, I’ve got this program or whatever and it’s going to fix the trauma, as I said, I always tell people to avoid those ones like the plague.

Colby: 53:55

But, yeah, when you’re working with children and young people, there’s a number of challenges that they have, not least of which is the challenge of going to school every day that we can’t just say, oh well, we’re just going to remove that from your life, you don’t have to go to children. Just say, oh well, we’re just going to remove that from your life, you don’t have to go to children. There’s a legal impediment for us doing that, but at least we can acknowledge the experience of the child, of how their experience of going to school, the challenges that they face of going to school, the challenges that they face, and we can turn our mind to how we can respond therapeutically to those challenges. I think what I’ve, the greatest intervention, I think, is to be able to communicate understanding of the person in our thoughts, in our actions and in our sorry, in our words, in our actions and in our expressed emotions.

Colby: 55:05

I think that’s what I’ve learned acknowledgement, validation, empathy, therapeutic actions they’re, they’re the things that I think um, that I’ve you know, learned, are the most important yes, I think, just maybe I’ll put it in a bit of a reframe.

Colby: 55:28

I think what you’re saying is just um, for people to be um, felt that they’re, they feel they’ve been properly experienced for the true people that they are and understood that they’ve been understood that school is difficult and yeah, there is somewhat mischievously, because I’m a little bit of a mischievous person, I started thinking of acronyms in relation to the content that I, not a long time ago, but the content that I write and, um, I was thinking about the term aura now, and aura has got a whole kind of new agey vibe about it. But the actual aura really in the dictionary sense means it’s that distinctive quality or atmosphere of a place or a person. Right, and I think when I do my next edition or do another book, if, when and if probably a bit more of an if, I will probably structure it more around at least the therapeutic care side of things, more around this acronym of AURA. So not only is AURA the felt experience of a place and the people in it, but it means that those people are accessible, so they’re present, they’re with you, their facilitating feelings of being heard and understood, acknowledged, important, a person of worth in their words, understanding, in their actions, their responsiveness to the experience of the young person and in their outward expressed emotions and through attunement, facilitating attunement experiences.

Colby: 57:32

So I think, yeah, aura probably encapsulates a lot of the responses. I also am the author of the AAA model, which is a published model and is about my learnings about the inner experiences of the children. But I might talk about that when I get a similar question in another podcast. But yeah, that’s probably enough at this stage. So again, thank you very much for graciously accepting the invite to be on this fledgling podcast. And, yeah, wish you all the best and maybe our paths will cross again another time.

Simon: 58:19

Yeah, thank you for the opportunity. It’s been great. Thank you, yeah, it’s been good to talk about stuff.

Beyond Management: Why Culture Flows Downhill, with Lynne Peyton

Leadership is about creating confident practitioners who change lives

Leadership in social care isn’t just about managing teams—it’s about creating environments where practitioners can thrive and ultimately deliver better outcomes for vulnerable children and families. This profound insight emerged repeatedly during my fascinating conversation with Lynne Peyton, a former senior manager in health and social services who now runs her own leadership consultancy focused on transforming organisations from the top down.

Lynne’s journey into social work wasn’t planned. Originally intending to become a language teacher with dreams of working in Paris, her path changed dramatically after working at a holiday camp in England where she encountered people experiencing homelessness, those recently released from juvenile detention, and individuals struggling with various challenges. This exposure to life’s harsh realities sparked her curiosity about human stories and redirected her career trajectory. “I’ve just been fascinated by people’s stories ever since,” she explained, “and I have loved being a social worker.”

Perhaps most compelling was Lynne’s experience managing services throughout North and West Belfast during Northern Ireland’s political unrest. She described navigating extraordinarily challenging conditions where staff safety was constantly at risk, community tensions were high, and children’s wellbeing hung in the balance. Yet even in these circumstances, Lynne witnessed exceptional commitment from her teams who prioritised good practice despite the dangers. This period taught her valuable lessons about leadership under pressure and the importance of community partnerships in delivering effective services.

The core of our discussion focused on Lynne’s leadership model aptly named CORE, representing Communication, Optimisation, Relationships, and Evaluation. For communication, she emphasised that listening skills trump talking every time. “The most important bit about communication is listening, and to be a great listener, you have to be a great question asker,” she noted. Optimisation involves making the most of financial resources, but crucially also optimising staff potential and one’s own mindset as a leader. Relationships form the foundation of effective leadership across all stakeholders, while evaluation ensures accountability through measuring outcomes and constantly refining approaches.

One particularly striking observation was Lynne’s perspective on work-life balance. Rather than seeking perfect equilibrium, which rarely exists, she advocates for “life-work integration” that acknowledges the natural ebbs and flows of both personal and professional demands. Sometimes work must take priority; other times, family needs demand full attention. The key is flexibility and integration rather than rigid compartmentalisation.

Another valuable insight concerned the limitations of internal leadership development programs. While many organisations implement such initiatives, Lynne pointed out that middle managers can’t effectively coach senior leaders. Her independent perspective, backed by decades of experience, allows her to work with executives in ways that internal staff simply cannot. This external vantage point creates space for honest reflection and growth at the highest organisational levels.

Perhaps most powerfully, Lynne articulated the connection between empowered staff and empowered clients. “If we empower staff to be more confident in their practice, they’re willing to do more to empower families.” This ripple effect demonstrates why leadership development isn’t merely an organisational nicety but a direct contributor to better outcomes for vulnerable children and families. When practitioners feel confident and supported, they’re better equipped to support those they serve.

You can listen to Lynne here:

You can watch here:

About Lynne

Born and educated in Belfast Northern Ireland, Lynne’s spirit for adventure was fostered in the Officers’ Training Corps where she participated in a wide range of adventure training and leadership activities, including a transfer to the Virginia National Guard during a temporary social work position in a family crisis centre in Richmond in 1980. She also gained her Private Pilot license during that time.

A qualified Social Worker, Lynne is a former senior manager in Health and Social Services, having held both operational and strategic management responsibilities for mental health and services for children and families. She was the director of a not-for-profit children’s charity for a number of years. She is also a master practitioner in NLP and neuro strategies, which she believes are essential to building rapport and great communication.

Since establishing her consultancy almost 20 years ago, Lynne has been passionate about helping organisations working with vulnerable children to get better results. Her CORE Leadership Programme (Communication, Optimisation; Relationships, Evaluation) simultaneously targets executive teams as well as managers at all levels in organisations to bring about changes in attitude, culture, confidence, performance and outcomes.

In the words of one CEO, ‘Lynne has an amazing ability tounlock individual potential and bring out the best in people and inorganisations’.

Related Podcast Interviews:

Simon Benjamin

Listen here:

Watch here:

Andrew Isaac

Listen here:

Watch here:

Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Lynne: 0:02

And I have loved being a social worker. I manage services all over North and West Belfast, which was a real political hotspot at that time. There’s no such thing as life-work balance. There’s days when you have to be just working all the time and then somebody gets sick and your family demands your attention. What we have to do is life work integration. I like a whole agency approach, because culture flows downhill and very often programs workforce development programs are run by middle managers. Middle managers can’t coach and empower and work with and be the confidant for more senior managers. So what I bring is the independence and the years and years of not just experience but expertise in working with senior people. And one of the things I found out recently Colby, just because I’ve been probing it a wee bit more not everybody has somebody like that in their corner and I think it’s critical that we do.

Colby: 1:08

Hi, welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is an experienced leader and consultant in the social care sector. Before I introduce my guests, I’d like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the lands I’m coming from the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains, and the continuing connection that the Kaurna people feel, and all Aboriginal people feel, to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Lynne Peyton.

Colby: 1:50

Lynne is a former senior manager in health and social services, having held both operational and strategic management responsibilities for mental health and services for children and families during the 1970s to 1990s, a time of political unrest in Northern Ireland’s history. Since establishing her business consultancy almost 20 years ago, Lynne has had major successes in helping organisations and senior managers to get better results. Her core leadership program simultaneously targets the top team as well as managers at all levels in organizations to bring about changes in attitude, culture, confidence, performance and outcomes. In the words of one CEO, Lynn has an amazing ability to unlock individual potential and bring out the best in people and in organisations. For more than 30 years, she and her husband have invested in property, initially throughout the UK, then expanding to commercial properties in the USA and more recently in Australia. Nowadays, business has to be integrated with spending time with their three sons and their families in Perth, Australia, Charlotte, North Carolina and Cork, Ireland. Fortunately, they love travelling and growing as part of JT Fox’s Global Entrepreneurs Network. Welcome Lynne.

Lynne: 3:23

Hello Colby, it is so good to see you again.

Colby: 3:27

And you and a little bit about that. In a moment I wanted to just bring up how we met. But was there anything that you thought needed to be added to that little summary of you? There’s probably loads, I guess.

Lynne: 3:41

Oh, my goodness, my goodness. It’s like I’m always trying to think, Colby, what’s going to be the next chapter? So maybe the next time we talk there’ll be something else.

Colby: 3:53

Okay, no worries, and I was. I’m pleased to have you on the podcast because we’ve known each other for a number of years and I think it’s only been my first podcast interviewee who was a practitioner from here in Adelaide, where I am, who I’ve known. So all my other podcasts I’ve been kind of meeting people for the first time, but we met in 2015 in Castle Blaney.

Lynne: 4:26

In.

Colby: 4:26

Castle Blaney I remember it well. Yeah, and just yeah, we were. I was there just talking about my therapeutic model of care and I remember you arriving and I remember we had a person, a foster carer, with lived experience of the rollout of the program I think that might have been in 2016, actually, who you found very impressive at the time?

Lynne: 5:00

And, of course, just to add to that, I was there for an entirely different reason, but I am so curious about everything I’m thinking who is this guy? Came from Australia. What’s he got to say? So I popped in and I was blown away by your insights into how best to work, not just with traumatized children, but how to enable and empower the people who work with them, and so often we think of that in terms of the social worker and the psychologist. But really, what really intrigued me was your hands on advice for the hands on people, and that foster carer, as you say, lived experience of the difference the techniques that you had taught were making in the life for her and for that child who was so insecure and I remember at the time it was attachment to food, it was clinging behaviour to her, and you had helped her to see that’s just what he needs in this moment. You know, colby, I still have goosebumps thinking about that, because that was such a powerful intervention between you and that foster carer.

Colby: 6:20

Yeah, well, thank you, you’re very kind and you’d probably be pleased to know that they’re still rolling out my program in the Toosler fostering service in Donegal. They’re not as the primary therapeutic model of care. I think for the last year or so They’ve gone back to. They’ve had a change in management and it’s gone back to circle of security um. So for a long time I had a very strong support, uh, there in with the um. Now, what was her? What was the position that they called her just my social worker the principal, social worker the principal social worker yeah.

Lynne: 7:03

Yeah, there’s been many, many changes because they’re restructuring again. I would just say that we can all learn from different models. The important thing is that we constantly ensure that our practice is influenced by tried and tested models by tried and tested models, and I think it’s so important that you are persistent, because we know that model works. So you know, people change, but we have to just keep trying to encourage them to do more of what works, and we’ll talk about it later. But one of the elements of the core program is evaluating, constantly evaluating. The elements of the core program is evaluating, constantly evaluating the impact of everything we do and doing more of what works, and sometimes, with changes in leadership and changes in ideas, we experiment again instead of staying grounded in the things that work well.

Colby: 8:03

I do hope, um, that it still continues to be rolled out and I’m really looking forward to being able to return to Ireland sooner rather than later. It’s been a lot. I haven’t been back since 2018 with you know, the advent of world events in the intervening period. But, yeah, hopefully, fingers crossed, we’ll be back there again in the next year or two. But look enough about me and what I’m. You know what I’m doing or not doing at the moment. I really wanted to just start off by asking you what led you into this career, supporting leaders and teams to deliver best outcomes for their clients, including in the social care sector, and who and what perhaps were your major influences in that?

Lynne: 8:55

I’m going to start a wee bit further back, because I never wanted to be a social worker. I always loved style and glamour and I wanted to be a French and German language teacher and I could see myself in Paris as an assistant. But my first job away from home was in a holiday camp in England and there were people in the kitchen who worked, who always had to get a job that had accommodation with it and of course the summer season was easy. But then they didn’t often know where they were going to go next and I thought, oh my goodness, how does anybody live with that level of insecurity about not having a home? And then there were people who were just out of Borstal, which was the juvenile offenders centre, were just out of Borstal, which was the juvenile offenders centre, and there were people who were on the game and in the early days it was alcohol was the issue, because drugs weren’t really an issue at that stage, and I thought I have had such a sheltered life, there’s a whole world out of here that I know nothing about and it’s so interesting. So it was really back down to that curiosity. So I got the boat back from England because nobody flew in those days and I changed my course from languages to social science and psychology, and the rest is history. I’ve just been fascinated by people’s stories ever since and I have loved being a social worker and progress, progressing through all of the levels, um to the point where um in, I think, one of my most exciting jobs. Although I loved working in Belfast and running services, sometimes in very difficult times, I really enjoyed the strategic management role where you were focused on working with all sorts of partner agencies to better understand needs, to look at where services currently were and to see which ones were having the greatest impact so that we could map those and then look and see where were the gaps and how could we fill that gaps. And from my days working in Belfast I knew we could only fill those gaps in partnership with local communities. And, interesting, the organisation in the Republic of Ireland that I do most work with is now reshaping towards an integrated care model where it’s small, localized teams that do sort of from front door right through to children in care and work more closely with families and communities. So in 40 years it’s gone back to where I started.

Lynne: 11:41

The leadership bit came about because there were several reasons why I felt I wanted to start my own consultancy in 2001. And I’ll talk about the influences for that later. But I did a lot of work at that time, chairing multi-agency reviews when things had gone horribly wrong. Either children died or were very, very badly injured, and the goal was for all of the involved agencies to get the learning from that.

Lynne: 12:16

I got frustrated because in every single review I was going and we need to strengthen the environment within which people are doing their job Because staff retention was an issue that put more pressure on the people left behind. Balls got dropped but people forgot that when they were writing about what went wrong. So for years and years and years I tried to encourage that strengthening of leadership, empowerment, staff well-being and I kind of felt, while it did get some attention, it was always the things at the front door they wanted to fix first and the practice issues and the interagency issues. So I just decided well, I’ll write my own leadership program and I’ve been delivering that for many, many years in all kinds of contexts. And the beauty of it is I make it bespoke to whatever organization or team I’m working with at that particular time.

Colby: 13:16

Yeah, wow, and it’s been quite the career really, hasn’t it? I remember part of your response there. You mentioned managing services during some very particular, very particularly difficult times in in Northern Ireland, and am I right in thinking that that you? I once heard you talk about managing a residential care home on that. That was on the Falls Road.

Lynne: 13:44

Oh, I managed services all over northern West Belfast, which was a real political hotspot at that time.

Lynne: 13:54

I mean, it was such a challenging time because kids were taking and driving away cars it was something called joyriding at the time and there would be you know, there would be dreadful accidents, and so the IRA tried to control that with a process called kneecapping. And of course the kids that we were most worried about were inevitably the kids that were tied up with all the antisocial behavior, and kids would turn up by appointment sometimes and they would give them their Valium and tell them what to tell the hospital. So it was dreadful, and there were times when we had to negotiate for the safety and well-being of some of the kids in care or children in the community that we were worried about. So there were areas we couldn’t go into some days. And then you add to that all the other problems of the Friday night money lenders and the you know some of the kind of other influences. So it was a tough time. What was amazing was the staff were just incredible. What was amazing was the staff were just incredible. We prioritised safety.

Lynne: 15:09

We were sensible about what we did and how we did it, and we made a commitment to uphold good practice, to uphold good behaviours, to respect everybody we were dealing with. But we got real creative sometimes, colby, about how we got things done. So it was interesting times and I would still pay tribute to the amazing staff who worked through those incredibly challenging conditions.

Colby: 15:38

And I think the reason why I bring it up is because those kinds of adversities really do have the potential to bring out the very best in people and to bring out the creative solutions that are part of people’s growth and again, working with communities was absolutely essential and we were fortunate because every time a government minister went walkabout we had a dose of proposals ready to pitch to him and we did get.

Lynne: 16:15

We did get lots of funding to try creative things. We also got funding which brought communities together across the divide and led a legacy for some brilliant work that continues today. We also did some in the next role, in the strategic development role. We did a lot of great cross-border work and again we were creative about pitching for European peace funds, which allowed us to partner with organizations in Denmark and Italy, because their family, their, their policies were, I think, much more family friendly than ours. So it exposed us to learning about how people did it in different cultures and countries.

Colby: 17:03

Yeah, yeah, fantastic. And were there particular people or particular theories or ways of working that were influential in your development through your career?

Lynne: 17:18

I think it’s so important that we remind supervisors, and especially your first ever supervisor, just how important they are, and I look back with fondness and still thankfulness and gratitude. I had the most amazing early team leaders and supervisors, and it was for one of them it was her that knowledge was everything that you had to know, whether it was the benefits that somebody was entitled to or the nature of their condition. You had to research and have the knowledge that equipped you to work with people. And then I had another team leader who his calm, quiet way of getting everything done was so inspiring, and someone else who, no matter how frustrated you were, she had this capacity to bring it down a level and always ask great questions, and one of those is well, ok, so what should we do? You know, it’s the simple question isn’t it that sort of cut through the drama and the crisis? So I think early influencers are so, so important.

Lynne: 18:37

And then and then I had some people I worked with that I wasn’t so aligned with and that could be very uncomfortable, and I’m quite outspoken, so I would say what I feel. And then that didn’t always work so well, and I’m fascinated these days with people like Gabe Karp, who talks about conflict resolution, and I’m saying that conflict is inevitable. If you have good, strong minded people with good ideas, the chances of them butting heads is really quite good, and that’s back to what you were talking about earlier. Somebody thinks a different model may be more relevant than Sure Start, secure Start, so that’s good and it’s healthy. What we have to do, then, is learn to have healthy conversations about it, and I wasn’t sure, um, at some of those times.

Colby: 19:35

I was mature enough to have those healthy conversations, and I think I’ve got a lot better at it over the last maybe 20 years yeah, and I think it highlights that, um, we’re we’re always continuously developing, we’re continuously growing, and it doesn’t really serve too much of a purpose to reflect back and think, oh, I wish I knew this or that at that point in time. And when you were talking about your first supervisor, it put me in mind of my own first supervisors. And the first one particularly shout out to Professor Tracy Wade if she’s listening, and I think what they instilled in me so first Tracy, and thereafter fellow by the name of Ken Kobayashi was confidence. They had confidence in me until I had confidence in myself and I thought, you know, and I think that was, it’s been a tremendous legacy from them, as it sounds like yours have been as well.

Lynne: 20:45

And that’s the number one benefit that people feed back to me for the core leadership program, that it has helped them immensely with improving their confidence. And, as you and I know, confidence comes because we’re more competent. So you know, we need the skills and the knowledge and the experience in order to be competent skills and the knowledge and the experience in order to be competent. But it also comes from the ability to risk, assess and make decisions. So the choices we make and the impact of that helps improve our confidence as well. So I think confidence and competence go so well together and I totally agree with you. You we must never stop growing and developing and learning. And what my influencers for the leadership part were, I did my first fire walk um at the unleash the power within event with Tony Robbins in Geneva, I think in 1999.

Lynne: 21:50

It was either 1999 or 2000. Everybody still talks about it because there were so many people in the room and Tony has people jump up and down with excitement and the engineers structural engineers told us we had to stop jumping or the ceiling was going to come down into the room below. So we used to do the jumping in a mexican wave across the room. But because he still wanted to keep the thing. But the thing that that tony always, that he taught so many wonderful things that the one that is really relevant, I think, is the six human needs, and the four essential housekeeping needs are certainty, and we talked about that earlier.

Lynne: 22:32

People need a basic level of certainty and security in order to, in order to, thrive. So, um, certainty, uncertainty. We need a bit of variety. That’s why, when people stay in the same job for 30 years without growing and learning and developing, you know they get tired and switch off and become dissatisfied, and that can dissatisfy the rest of the team, because we all either affect or affect the people that or infect the people that we work with. And then he talks about love and connection, and that’s so, so important as well. So, the human needs, but he also talks in about that’s not enough, because the spiritual needs are for growth and contribution, and that’s why you know, you and I and others like us, we get so much back from the work we do, because we feel we’re making a contribution and then because how we contribute has to change over context and time. That’s where the growth element comes in as well. We have to stay relevant, colby.

Colby: 23:43

Well, that’s part of the reason why I’m developing, I’ve been doing these podcasts, because I get to talk to all these leaders in the field who, and I, um, learn and and and I I reflect. I think it. One of the big things I think is that we should never stop thinking about what we’re doing, and and the podcast gives me that opportunity to hear and understand and reflect on and integrate what I’m hearing in my own work. And, lynn, you’ve mentioned a number of times, you’ve referred to core, which is your leadership model. I wonder if you might just share a little bit more information about it.

Lynne: 24:27

I’m still so passionate about it, colby, because it works. So what I thought was what are the core elements of leadership? And when you think about it, they really come down to the C’s for communication. As leaders, we have to be effective communicators. Now, that doesn’t mean about talking. It’s good that when we talk, that we can you know doesn’t mean about talking. It’s good that when we talk, that we can you know, we can convey what we want people to hear. But the most important bit about communication is listening and to be a great listener. You have to be a great question, asker. So it’s all about learning the art of being present when you’re talking to someone else, really listening to what it is that they’re saying, what are the issues, why are they upset, why are they taking this position? And that’s why I think curiosity comes into it as well. But I could only have one C. If I could have had a second, it would have been curiosity. So it’s been effective communicator. And then I think that’s everything that’s involved in communications it’s using your facial expressions, your body language, not just your words. And one of the things I say to people nowadays is, when you’re on a Zoom call, you have to remember there’s no hiding place. It’s not like the long end of a table where you can roll your eyes. It’s something the boss said. When you’re on the Zoom screen, everybody can see that eye roll. So you have to look and you have to continue to be interested and you have to continue to be present when you’re on Zoom calls. So communication is critical.

Lynne: 26:00

The O is for optimisation. Whenever people talk about resources, they always talk about budgets and staff, and we’ve got to definitely optimise those. So that means that you have to have good financial scrutiny so that you minimise waste. You’ve got to be creative with your budgets as well. You don’t want money sitting there doing nothing, so you have to make sure it’s invested. And the other thing we have to optimize is our staff, but also it starts with us. So, as leaders, you have to optimize your mindset. You have to convey that sense of confidence and self-belief and belief in the people that you’re working with, but also belief in the plan and belief in the potential outcomes. So, and we’ve got to optimize our time. The potential outcomes so, and we’ve got to optimize our time.

Lynne: 26:51

If there’s one thing I teach over and over and over again, it’s time management and energy management. So some people might put in their time, but if you don’t bring the energy and the enthusiasm, you’re not optimizing who you are. So I see, be yourself, be the best version of yourself and optimize everything that is you and time management for everybody listening. The number one thing you can do to improve your time management is do a stop doing list what are all the things you’re currently doing that are just a waste of time and stop doing the hours for relationships. It’s like you and I just talked about. You said the reason for the podcast is to meet and learn from other people who have expertise in certain areas.

Lynne: 27:40

Relationships are fundamental to leadership, whether it’s the relationships with our top team, if we’re a senior manager, the relationships with all the organisations that are essential to us doing business, the relationships within our family, because we want to make sure we get that life work integration. There’s no such thing as life work balance. There’s days when you have to be just working all the time and then somebody gets sick and your family demand your attention. What we have to do is life work integration. So once a project’s due in, ok, we might have to work extra hours to get it done, or if a client needs us or a child is not safe, and then we have to learn to take the time out to rest, recuperate, whatever later on. So optimising our time is so important, but the relationships in there are what restore us and keep us going, and that includes the debriefing when people come back from what has been a difficult situation. So relationships have to be worked at all the time and the E is for evaluation. We have to measure everything we do.

Lynne: 28:49

I was coaching somebody for a senior position yesterday and I was going. Evidence means that you provide the data. When I started it was this. When I finished, it was this and the change was down to me because. So you’ve got to be able to evaluate, but at its most basic it’s evaluating what you’re doing that works and do more of it, and what is it that you’re doing that’s having no impact, and seriously question why you’re still doing it. So, in a nutshell, the value of it is, I like a whole agency approach, because culture flows downhill. So there’s no point in me fixing, empowering, sorting the kind of words that sometimes get used frontline managers if the culture doesn’t change and the culture starts with the CEO and the top team and one of my joys at the moment is coaching CEOs and not-for-profit organisations.

Colby: 29:48

I’m really, really enjoying the impact that that’s having on the organizations yeah, it’s a consistent um message really that that any change process, any endeavor, um therapeutic model, implementation or other, really starts at the top. I must admit, I’ve always been a bit of a supporter of the bottom-up approach as well, probably because largely in many of my endeavours I’ve never had the interaction with and support from the very top, the interaction with and support from the very top. But you know, I try to influence practice through things like this podcast, through YouTube videos, through my writing, through books, that kind of embryonic development of people’s knowledge and capacity.

Lynne: 30:53

And your books are really influential because they’re like a toolkit, and I think that’s what people need. They need something that is grinded in theory but gives them the tools and the resources.

Colby: 31:07

Yeah, a lot of contributions in this space are very much focused on what you need to know. I guess I’ve always tried to ensure that I’ve got plenty of information in there about what you need to do when you do it, and you’ve always been incredibly generous on your website as well Over the years.

Colby: 31:27

I’ve always told people to go to your website because there’s lots of free stuff on there that are are brilliant tools and assessment kits and things, so thank you for the contribution you’ve made with as regards to those tools over all these years yeah, well, thank you again, and I think I’m going a bit red, but the important thing is that there are good outcomes for children and young people, and I was speaking to a very interesting guest a little while ago a week or so ago about human capital, and we were talking about what is lost when we don’t intervene successfully with our young people. Intergenerational trauma persists. If we are able to turn a life around, we’re turning a life around for that person, but also their children and grandchildren, potentially. So, yeah, so, but it’s not all plain sailing trying to roll this stuff out, and I do wonder, even with rolling out a leadership model, are there any particular challenges that that you’ve you’ve faced in doing that and, if so, how have you overcome them?

Lynne: 32:52

you’ve faced in doing that? And, if so, how have you overcome them? Oh, the usual ones we’ve no money um, we’ve got our own um. So you just have to help people work through that. So if people are saying we haven’t got a budget right now, I I very often say, well, let me do a taster session so you can see what the benefits would be. And it’s also good to ask them well, if you had money, what would be your priorities?

Lynne: 33:16

And I think another thing is how many social workers did you lose last year? Because the fallout it’s like you, it’s like you know, it’s like a funnel where the policy is to create even more jobs but they’re still dripping out the bottom and the attrition rate can be really quite significant. It is around looking at well, how many more social workers can you afford to lose? Or, as one person told me recently, nobody will take the senior positions because it’s just not worth it. So how are you going to run the service without senior people? I can help you to empower your senior people so that they are more effective. So staff feel valued, so they they stay. And, of course, happy staff, confident staff, are much better practitioners. So everybody, everything that I do and everything you do. The end result is so that young people and their families get a better service. But empowered, confident staff, competent staff, always provide a better service than people who are exhausted or overwhelmed or not sure they want to be here anymore. So that’s one. The other one is well, we’ve got our own leadership program and I go. That’s great and I’m so glad that so many organizations are focusing on that. The challenge is that they don’t have anything like the level of experience I have, and very often programs workforce development programs are run by middle managers. Middle managers can’t coach and empower and work with and be the confident for more senior managers. So what I bring is the independence and the years and years of not just experience but expertise in working with with senior people, and so I think that’s it. You have to keep at it, because people will take the path of least resistance and it is important that you and I people like us keep actually ensuring that we do so. And the other thing I do, like you, the podcast.

Lynne: 35:42

I’ve just finished 50 episodes of Success is Never Accidental. Episodes of success is never accidental, and I’ve interviewed not just people from our sector, but people from all over the globe and from all different sectors. And the theme has been what is it that has made you successful? What have you learned about being successful? What would you pass on to other people? What happened when you hit a bump in the road? Other people, what happened when you hit a bump in the road? How much is mindset an issue? What would you tell your younger self? And it’s amazing, because there’s a formula for success and there are themes.Lynne: 36:18

Now everybody might do it their own way, but you’re not going to get there if you don’t work hard, if you’re not persistent, if you’re not passionate, if you’re not clear about why you’re doing what you’re doing. In other words, like Simon Sinek, if you’re not living your purpose. And so often the work I do actually helps people see that they’re a square peg in a round hole, and if we can get them into something that’s more aligned with their values and their passion, they do so much better. And that’s a really important thing about leadership.

Lynne: 36:52

Not everybody who takes a leadership job is equipped to be a great leader. A lot of leadership skills can be learned In fact, most of them and if you’re not naturally a good communicator and if you aren’t naturally passionate about the role that you have. It’s not going to work. So sometimes it’s helping people pivot and, you know, move out of leadership roles into maybe a more specialist practitioner role. But it’s so important that we’re in the right roles for us because happiness of work is essential yeah you, there’s so much in that there, lynn.

Colby: 37:39

Um, the first thing I want to pick up is, um, the real importance of what you said about you know coming people being aware of, of the work that they can do that is consistent with their, their own values, and because values burn out or values fatigue it goes by different names now but it is the experience of working in a, in an endeavor that runs counter to or is not consistent with your values.

Colby: 38:17

And child protection is a really obvious area for that clash to occur, because most people who get involved in child protection get involved because they want to help families, they want to help children, they want to help families. But particularly here in the jurisdiction I live in, child safety is the paramount consideration, and so, rather than necessarily being a place to support and help families, our child protection authorities intervene to ensure the safety of our children. And look, there’s arguments both sides of the ledger on whether it should be safety or best interests is a paramount consideration, but, in any event, what we end up with is if we have too many people in our workforce who are there to help families that’s what’s consistent with their values then child protection is really not necessarily, or at least as it is in this jurisdiction, is not really going to be their best place to work, I think.

Lynne: 39:35

And that’s particularly the case when older children are in very high risk circumstances and I think sometimes we have to ask if we remove them from home, what have we got for them that is actually any safer or better? And often that answer is very nebulous well, I think I don’t know that.

Colby: 39:59

The question is often asked very much. So the, the, the the role of the agency is to intervene to ensure safety. What comes after that is a secondary consideration, but I guess what you’re referring to is that a child’s journey through care can be quite a vexed one, and it is something that we need to keep, I think, in the forefront of our thinking at all times, because I often say the most healing relationship for our children is the repair of the one with their birth family, birth parents in particular. That’s the most healing relationship.

Lynne: 40:47

I think that is so true and that’s why one of the things I work on constantly is empowerment is empowerment, because if we empower staff to be more confident in their practice, they’re willing to do more to empower families to get better at their parenting or, you know, or their family relationships. So empowerment really, really is the key, and I think that all starts with leadership. So you have your toolkit in your books, my toolkit. I haven’t written the book yet, to my shame. I should have had it written long ago. But on my website just lynnpaytoncom there is a thing called the Leadership Library, which is absolutely packed with toolkits for leaders on anything that is likely to come up. And people will say to me years later, I still do that perceptual positions exercise, or I’m still using the seven steps to change, or oh, do you remember the day you told me about the single issue meeting? Well, that changed my entire practice. So there’s lots and lots of stuff on there that will help, because for leadership, we need a toolkit as well.

Lynne: 42:11

I’ll briefly tell you about the single issue meeting. How many times have you been in a supervision session? And as the supervisor? There’s this one thing that you need to raise, and what happens when you do all your case management reviews and you get to the end and you think I’ll bring that up next time and what happens is that the elephant in the room just gets carried forward. Elephant in the room just gets carried forward. So I say you never deal with those things in supervision. You have a single issue meeting. You have it in a territory that is private but that you control, so you can leave when you’re done saying, as the supervisor or the leader, what you need to say, and you make it really, really short and you, you practice it because how you communicate, it is very important. Gabe Karp talks about doing it in your shopping list voice, so that there’s no emotion attached to it, and then you give the person a minute or two to respond or you can just say to them so have a think about that and we can talk about it again. But you do the thing that needs to be said. You set it up to say it will. You control the environment as the supervisor and it’s short. The meeting is short but sweet, and then you can pick it up again later. But you plant the seeds. You say what needs to be said, you don’t leave it to supervision.

Lynne: 43:39

And then I think the other thing is perceptual positions. It’s a beautiful exercise where you rant for a minute as you and then you completely shake it, shake it all off and you become the other person. So you, I always say, stand like they would stand, and they might say, well, they would sit. Okay, well, then sit and breathe like they would breathe and now rant as that other person.

Lynne: 44:06

The insights that come out when people truly accept that the other person has, you know, a completely different view on the world. Sometimes that’s enough. Sometimes you need a higher authority. So I’ll say who’s the wisest person you know? And they might say their granny, or for some people it might be God, and I say, ok, so could they look down at these two people and please tell me what’s going on here? And then from that position, it’s amazing what comes out sometimes that has healed fractured relationships. It has helped people to stay in organizations that they didn’t think they would stay in, because, remember, most people leave because of the relationship with their immediate boss, when that relationship isn’t safe, when that relationship is fractured. I mean, I had somebody whose boss didn’t speak to them for six months. How do you supervise somebody that you’re not even speaking to. So perceptual positions can unlock a lot. So those kinds of tools are all on the website, and if anybody wants to know more, they can reach out to me by email as well.

Colby: 45:18

Well, that’s very generous of you too, lynne, and you said something about five minutes ago that gave me chills, and that was you said you were talking about. If a worker is empowered, then they have an improved capacity to empower their client. Yeah, we’re now, you know, in child protection, we’re wanting to be empowering, empowering and encouraging parents to, to really take the bull by the horn, so to speak. Yeah, and what was going through my mind is the disempowered worker. And how does the disempowered worker work with the disempowered?

Lynne: 46:08

Well, we know the answer to that, don’t we? Sadly?

Colby: 46:13

You’ve mentioned a number of times about leadership, mentoring, leadership, supervision. I mean, what would you say to senior leaders and managers about the importance of supervision?

Lynne: 46:27

Supervision is absolutely mandated in social work practice and it is a governance responsibility at all levels to ensure not just that it takes place but that good quality supervision takes place. So that does require I mean, everybody has a supervision policy, everybody audits supervision. But does anything change? I mean it just is such a necessary requirement. It has to be quality from the point of view of case management and generally that’s the area that it’s strongest in. But supervision is also about personal development plans. It’s about staff growth and hugely it’s important, about staff well-being.

Lynne: 47:20

You know only too well the vicarious trauma that’s experienced by staff in these fields. It’s got to include well-being. It’s got to include whether there is accumulated harm over time and over incidents and working with a particular family and it’s got to check in about just general well-being. Thankfully, most organisations are putting well-being on the agenda, but it’s our job as a supervisor to check in. Are you sleeping? You know you seem to be eating a lot of junk food. You know what is going on. You know how are the kids we’re all carrying? We’re all carrying multi-responsibilities. You might have a parent who’s elderly that you you’re looking after. You’ve got kids, um, and so many children nowadays in the families of the workers with with particular issues that need maybe some special attention. We have to. We have to treat and care for and look after the well-being of all of our staff and, as leaders, we’ve got to lead by example. I can’t ask somebody else if they’re eating properly, sleeping well, drinking water, if I’m not doing it myself.

Colby: 48:44

Yeah.

Lynne: 48:44

We have to model the behavior that we want to see, and it’s so critical in our world that people take care of themselves and we take care of others as leaders. But not just that, because you said about bottom up approaches earlier on Everybody on the team needs to take care of everybody else on the team. You need accountability bodies, you need all, and you need people to speak up, like if I think you’re looking a bit ragged, I need to be able to say, colby, what’s going on, you just look tired or whatever. And it’s our responsibility to take care of each other.

Colby: 49:22

And if we do, then people, we are providing a safe containing space for people to feel, allow themselves to be a little bit vulnerable and share that the work and life do have an impact on us and share that the work and life do have an impact on us and in doing so, being open to support or open to time away, whatever, we need to ensure that when we are at work and servicing the needs of our children and families, that we’re optimal, as you said earlier, that we’re at our best.

Lynne: 50:00

How do you find in group supervision, can you create that space there?

Colby: 50:05

People respond best. People are. In my experience, people are more likely to trust, are more likely to trust to participate, to open up, to reflect in circumstances where they feel like their experience is honoured, is known, is understood and is honoured.

Lynne: 50:31

Absolutely. I think that is so true. And when I do team building I actually did a bit recently in Australia at an academic institution and I always have the same model I ask people to introduce themselves and I ask them what gifts do they bring to the team? And inevitably, when people do that, they get feedback on it. But I ask them to stand up, tell me what their role is not their job description, but their role and why they’re in the work. What gifts do they bring the team? And then I ask them what do you need from your colleagues? And it’s amazing what comes out in that simple exercise. Again, it has to be well facilitated.

Lynne: 51:19

I find when people try to do it themselves, they get stuck in their own head about what they think should be going on, whereas as the facilitator, you and I have no investment other than to make this a great experience and for them all to get to know each other better. And I ask everybody in the room what did they learn about the person? Not what they heard. What did they learn? And that lets them to say they’ve got amazing energy or you could tell that they’re really committed. So all that other stuff. Now people just glow when their colleagues give them all that amazing feedback. It’s not rocket science, but team building needs to be managed by someone who’s good at team building. Group supervision needs to be managed by somebody who’s talented in providing that group supervision.

Colby: 52:19

Yeah, for me, I think it’s.

Colby: 52:21

I talk to people every day.

Colby: 52:23

You know I’m primarily a psychotherapist working with children and I think one of the things that you alluded to there is the benefit of looking beyond the behaviour and looking at what’s really going on and acknowledging what’s really going on for a person.

Colby: 52:49

I think the question is not so much what you observe about a person but what you’ve learnt about a person, which means you have to take an open and reflective stance, and one of my mantras, I think, in supervision is about it being an opportunity to stop and think about what you’re doing, think about the work that you’re doing, think about your clients, and it’s one of those core aspects of trauma-informed work and trauma-informed organizations that there is a focus on looking beyond the behavior and trying to decipher the meaning of that behavior.

Colby: 53:34

And something else that you said that resonates with me and is also very much aligned with an interview I did earlier with a gentleman by the name of Simon Benjamin and his podcast may come out before or after yours, but they’ll be adjacent to each other and he talked about leadership supervision uh, being important because it models it, but also because if it’s good quality supervision to leadership, then leadership will see the value in supervision and if they see the value in it, then they’re more likely to promulgate it and support it right down through the organization, which I thought was. Yeah, it was also very, very similar to what you were saying and I think, I think, um, we all need coaches.

Lynne: 54:30

So I still have three coaches and sometimes I pick up coaches. So, um, I had challenges, I had an organization with challenges, um, that needed mediation. So I actually got a wee bit of coaching on mediation just to refresh my skills, and I think that’s important. I would not dive into something that I thought, gosh, it’s a while since I’ve done that. I need to brush up.

Lynne: 55:01

But I have my Tony Robbins coach from it’s now going on 23 years. I have quarterly sessions with her. She’s a very dear friend. And I have another very dear friend who I met through Success Resources America, and she and I have an arrangement where we coach each other for an hour each month. Now it flows, but we do our updates and we identify our challenges in advance. That’s the other thing with all my coaching. It’s all. You must prepare for it. We have to agree the actions. You have to keep going or I won’t continue to coach you. So I do accountability coaching, but with her it’s amazing. For about seven years now we’ve had this monthly session.

Lynne: 55:49

Now, again, these are two people I could.

Lynne: 55:53

My life could depend on them.

Lynne: 55:54

I could, if I needed anything, would reach out and one of the things I found out recently Colby, just because I’ve been probing it a wee bit more not everybody has somebody like that in their corner and I think it’s critical that we do so.

Lynne: 56:11

Again, it would be an exhortation to everybody listening have you got somebody who, regardless of what it is, you can talk to them, you can be yourself, you can be vulnerable and they will? They will listen and not necessarily advise, but ask you the questions that allow you to work through it yourself and sometimes become shift from a coach to a mentor, where maybe their advice is the right thing to do. So I would encourage everybody to ensure that they have somebody in their corner and and I think the other thing is, I have a business coach, which is a very different approach to the approach from this, but I love I think everybody should run their organisation like a business, and I have other businesses outside of. This is my passion, this has been my life’s work, but I love business as well. So I’ve got a business coach and that’s entirely different kind of relationship than the relationship with my growth and leadership coaches, than the relationship with my growth and leadership coaches.

Colby: 57:21

There’s so much I could pick up on and talk more with you about. Lynn, thank you very much for your generosity and grace in accepting the invitation to appear on this fledgling podcast of mine. What I usually? You’ve kind of asked me a question already, but I’ll give you another go.

Colby: 57:45

I always because when I’m working with children, if I find myself having, for whatever reason, asked them a series of questions, I’ll always say to them well, that was a lot of questions For me, wasn’t it? How about you ask me a question? So it’s kind of like a return serve for them. And the most common question they ask me is how old I am, and I was answering in months I was. Then someone worked that out, so then I was answering in dog and cat years.

Colby: 58:17

I mean before that I always used to say what my grandmother said, which is I’m as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth. That served me for about 20 years. But then it was months, then it was dog and cat years. But I heard a really good one yesterday which was from a client, and she told me how old she is in adult years. So adult years start when you’ve left your teenage years. So I don’t know if I’ll see how that goes. I’m not sure it’s. It’s very flattering, of course, because it’s uh, if I say how old I am in adult years, it’s much lower than my actual age, but anyway.

Lynne: 58:59

Age is literally just a thought. You know, I mean, you’re literally, I like the bit. You’re literally only as old as you feel. I was 72 last week and I feel about 50 and I have loads more to do, and a numerical age is not going to stop me. I did a zip line my first ever zip line when I was in Perth a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve got a new daughter in law now. So I said to her you need to think of an adventure for us to go on. And so here’s my question for you. You’ve done a number of these podcasts. Now what has been the biggest learning, colby, from the people that you’ve interviewed so far From the podcast process?

Colby: 59:50

From the process, I think the important. I would say that you can be in an area of endeavour where you are highly experienced and you always wish you know more than you know. And the longer you stay in an area of endeavour, you probably are more appreciative of what you don’t know. Um, but I think what, what, what has stood out for me is I’ve talked to people in a in in the related endeavor that I’m in, and I have learned and been stimulated in so many ways by each of the different perspectives when I’ve done that. So I think not only should we be speaking with our mentors, our supervisors and so on, but I think we should speak to a diverse range and number of people in our era of endeavour. And the other thing that I’ve learnt is that all the people that I’ve spoken to have been really keen to have a chat with me. So you know, people are to to speak and share ideas and um. So there is a, so don’t.

Colby: 1:01:25

I would encourage people to not be backwards in coming forwards and reaching out to people and um, and and making connections and communicating. I think and that’s and, of course, for me, the conversation is, you know, the foundation of all the work that I do and, a bit like what you were saying before, I’ve absolutely loved doing podcasts because of the conversation, because of the interaction. It’s really floated my boat, um, and you, yeah, you feel so, you feel so energized about in doing that. So there you go, there’s a. There’s a range of a range of things. I thought you were asking me initially what who said the most profound thing? And I didn’t. I think it’s a bit early for me to choose favourites just yet.

Lynne: 1:02:19

Oh, no, no, no. I just think we learn something. As you said, it’s so stimulating. We learn something from everybody and I think what it’s done for me, in addition to all the things you’ve said with which I concur it just gives you hope, even more hope. You know we’re hopeful people anyway, but you just realise there’s so many amazing people in the world doing amazing things and, as you say, who are generous with time and spirit and willing to share, and every single person I speak to I learn something profound from them, whether it’s their take on a particular thing or just their attitude to life or something that a challenge that they’ve overcome. It is such a privilege to both host a podcast and to be a guest on a podcast.

Colby: 1:03:10

Well, thank you for being a guest and perhaps this might, if you’re willing, will, the the first of perhaps a number, maybe backwards and forwards, because I have appeared on your podcast as well you have.

Lynne: 1:03:24

You were amazing. It got very good reviews and I continue to be a huge fan, colby, so keep up the good work thank you.

From Cotswold to Global Health: Creating Healing Systems

What Happens When We Invest in Human Potential?

The Cotswold Community stands as a pioneering example of therapeutic residential care for deeply troubled young people, showcasing how thoughtful, systemic approaches to trauma can transform lives across generations. In my conversation with Graeme Kerridge, who worked at the Cotswold Community in the late 1970s before developing a career in international health management, we explored the profound and lasting impact of this revolutionary approach to caring for emotionally damaged children.

The Cotswold Community was established under the leadership of Richard Balbirnie, who undertook the monumental task of transforming an old-style approved school (essentially a reformatory) into a therapeutic community. What made this transformation remarkable was Balbirnie’s commitment to working with existing staff and residents rather than starting from scratch. This change management process speaks volumes about how institutional change can occur even in the most challenging environments when guided by clear therapeutic principles and strong leadership.

At the heart of the Cotswold approach was a therapeutic model based on the work of Donald Winnicott and Barbara Dockar-Drysdale, focusing on creating an environment where severely damaged children could begin to heal. The community operated without locks, bars, or restraints—remarkable for working with young people who were often one step away from secure facilities. This open approach was coupled with careful assessment: could they help the boy? Could they contain him in an open setting? And importantly, was the boy so damaged that attempting to help would drain and destroy staff?

What particularly stands out about the Cotswold Community was its commitment to being a learning institution. Staff regularly participated in reading groups, analyzed their work, and openly discussed what was working and what wasn’t. Both Balbirnie and Dockar-Drysdale published annual “realizations papers” documenting their learnings and needed changes. This culture of reflection and growth extended to both staff and residents, creating parallel developmental journeys that reinforced the therapeutic environment.

Perhaps the most powerful testament to the Cotswold approach came through Graeme’s story of reconnecting with a former resident 39 years after leaving the community. This young man, who had stolen soft toys from a childcare center (revealing his profound emotional deprivation), had managed to break his family’s intergenerational cycle of dysfunction. Despite a rough start after leaving the community, he developed marketable skills, maintained a stable 20-year partnership, and had two sons attending university—an extraordinary outcome for someone from his background.

The systems approach that guided the Cotswold Community had far-reaching implications beyond residential care. Graeme applied these principles throughout his career in healthcare management and international health development, recognizing that effective intervention requires looking at the entire system rather than isolated components. Whether managing hospital quality or national disease programs, this holistic perspective proved invaluable.

The conversation raises important questions about Australia’s current approach to troubled young people. While residential care has evolved toward smaller community houses, we lack the equivalent of the comprehensive therapeutic communities like Cotswold or the Mulberry Bush schools that continue to operate in the UK. This represents a significant gap in our care landscape, especially for our most damaged young people who may not thrive in foster care or conventional residential settings.

The economic argument for therapeutic intervention is compelling. As Graeme noted from his international health experience, preventive programs show remarkable returns on investment—$42 back for every dollar spent on TB programs, for example. Similar calculations would likely show the tremendous cost-effectiveness of proper therapeutic care for troubled children compared to the long-term costs of incarceration, intergenerational trauma, and lost human potential.

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About Graeme

Graeme is an international health development consultant who has worked in over 25 countries throughout Africa, Asia and the Pacific, and in the countries of the former Soviet Union. He has particularly focused on assignments supporting grants from the Global Fund to fight AIDS, Tuberculosis and Malaria (GFATM). In addition to working as a consultant and technical team leader on assignments funded by USAID, AusAID (DFAT), GIZ and other donors, for several years he was a technical manager on a major USAID project based in Washington DC where he managed and oversaw multiple teams of consultants supporting Global Fund grants around the world.

Prior to his international development career, Graeme worked for 18 years in health care management in several states of Australia. He started his professional career, however, working for several years in the late 1970s at The Cotswold Community, an experimental therapeutic community for maladjusted children in Wiltshire, UK. While he did not continue working in that field after returning to Australia, he often reflects on his learnings from that period in pursuing a career in the management of caring organisations.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Graeme: 0:03

And so the systems approach that was adopted at the Cotswold community very much influenced the way that I took work into healthcare management, and the probation officer that I was shadowing on a voluntary basis said look, Graeme, if you want to understand how people get to be like this in prison and coming out often very institutionalised and struggling, then it would be worth my while learning about children.

Graeme: 0:47

I saw an advertisement for the Cotswold community and I applied and was invited to go and meet with them and, yeah, that was how I came to work at the Cotswolds. Richard and his team had a very, very strong commitment to the Cotswold community being a learning institution and, you know, with a preparedness to examine what was working, what was not working and talk about it very openly, without, you know, ego getting in the way at all. The community was seeking to, and bearing in mind that a lot of the work that Winnicott had done and that Barbara Dr Drysdale had done was looking at the damage that was done by removing children during the blitz yeah and so there was a very, very um strong belief that, look, you do not remove the child unless you know it is is really very, very serious.

Graeme: 2:04

And then you look at how to do it in a way that causes the least damage.

Colby: 2:10

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is a highly experienced executive and consultant in international health development who, at the beginning of his professional career, worked in the Cotswold residential care community for deeply troubled young people. Before I introduce my guests, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land I’m meeting on the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains and also the Jagera and Tirribul people, who are the traditional custodians of the lands that our guest is coming to us from, and I’d like to acknowledge the continuing connection that Aboriginal people feel to land, culture, community and pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest for this episode is Graeme Kerridge.

Colby: 3:11

Graeme is an international health development consultant who has worked in over 25 countries throughout Africa, asia and the Pacific and in the countries of the former Soviet Union. He is particularly focused on assignments supporting grants from the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, tuberculosis and Malaria. In addition to working as a consultant and technical team leader on assignments funded by USAID, ausaid and other donors, for several years he was a technical manager on a major USAID project based in Washington DC, where he managed and oversaw multiple teams of consultants supporting global fund grants around the world. Prior to his international development career, Graeme worked for 18 years in healthcare management in several states of Australia. He started his professional community, however, working for several years in the late 1970s at the Cotswold Community, an experimental therapeutic community for maladjusted children in Wiltshire, the United Kingdom. While he did not continue working in that field after returning to Australia, he often reflects on his learnings from that period in pursuing a career in the management of caring organisations. Welcome, graeme.

Graeme: 4:40

Well, it’s very good to meet you at last, Colby.

Colby: 4:44

Yes, it’s been. I should tell the little bit of the story if you don’t mind that you got in contact with me after episode two of the podcast. Yes, yeah, with John Whitwell, who was the principal of the Cotswold community for a fair amount of time. I’m not sure if he was the principal while you were there, but he was there.

Graeme: 5:11

He was the deputy principal while I was there.

Colby: 5:14

Yeah, yeah and yeah. You got in touch with me and you’d just been in Adelaide as it happened, and discovered that this was where I was.

Graeme: 5:26

Yes, yes, I had no idea that there was interest in this field in Australia. So I saw that John had done a podcast. I listened to it and I was astonished to hear that it was hosted by yourself, based in Adelaide.

Colby: 5:44

Yes, so yeah, as we were talking about before we started, it is a community that fascinates me because it is an example, I think, of a really good a program with really good outcomes for children in a in a therapeutic residential care setting. And you’re right, there’s not a lot of that here in australia. And um, I will mention, uh, another podcast, uh, guest, adela holmes. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of adela. She established the therapeutic model and was the initial director of a facility facility is a horrible way of putting it but a therapeutic residential care community in Victoria called Hurstbridge Farm, and so there is a little bit of that and it’s been quite successful and the podcast I recorded with her will probably have immediately preceded this one. If people are listening to this one and want to check that one out, to want to check that one out.

Graeme: 7:11

So, Graeme, tell me about how you first got involved in the Cotswold community. Well, it started off when I was at university. I studied economics as an undergraduate and during that time I became very interested in, I guess, what is known these days as human capital. That is how, and, more to the point, how we waste so much human capital in all sorts of ways, but particularly by, you know, the people that are incarcerated or the people who are in long-term institutions. And I’m not talking about wasting in a strictly economic sense of them not being in the workforce, but more in terms of them not leading full lives. You know it could be grandparents not being able to, you know, enjoy guiding their grandkids, that sort of thing. People just not being able to join the family in major gatherings at Christmastime and other times, all those sorts of ways where society and the lives of individuals are enriched. And while I was another graduate and thinking about all this, I saw a notice asking for volunteers at I think it was the Redfern Community Health Centre, because at that stage they were just dealing with an influx of people who were discharged from the long-term psychiatric hospitals which were in the process of emptying out as many as they could at that point. And I would go along and I became a volunteer with them, working with the staff to support weekly activities programs for the people who were newly out of the long-term institutions, and I found that a very interesting area.

Graeme: 9:22

When I finished my studies I travelled and went to, ended up in London and there I started exploring opportunities in the field of care and rehabilitation of people released from prisons and I volunteered with the London Probation Service, again with activity programs for men who had often been in prison for many, many years and had lost a lot of you know, social skills and daily living skills, and we would run a weekly activity center there and I would also shadow one of the probation officers as he would accompany some of the people along to court hearings, to meetings, to work out their next steps, to help them fill out forms.

Graeme: 10:27

And that was very interesting and the probation officer that I was shadowing on a voluntary basis said look, Graeme, if you want to understand how people get to be like this in prison and coming out often very institutionalised and struggling, then it would be worth my while learning about children. I saw an advertisement for the Cotswold community and I applied and was invited to go and meet with them. I applied and was invited to go and meet with them, and, yeah, that was how I came to work at the Cotswolds.

Colby: 11:14

So yeah, it’s interesting, isn’t it? You’re working with people who had served terms of imprisonment and had come out from it. But yeah, that sparked an interest or you were encouraged to follow an interest in how all of this came about. That’s right, and there was that recognition that people have kind of.

Colby: 11:40

I remember when I was training it was almost people could almost be a bit flippant about it all goes back to childhood. I think that reflects the particular time where I was doing my training, where the dominant I’m a trained clinical psychologist the dominant therapeutic approaches didn’t require an analysis of childhood experience and the enduring impacts that that has on life into adulthood. I’m a bit older and wiser now. In fact I’d never really fully embraced that, and you can see over here one of the books that I wrote about. I’ve written books about children and particularly have led a career with a strong focus and interest on child to adult relationships. Yeah, so you went back, I guess, went into the Cotswold community with an expectation of seeing where things go awry and perhaps how to change the course of history for young people.

Graeme: 12:57

Well, obviously that was my interest, but when I went to meet Richard Balbirnie, who was the principal there, and the senior staff to get to know them and to decide as to whether it was my thing, I must say you know, several things really made a big impression on me.

Graeme: 13:20

Firstly, the very clear therapeutic model that they had guided which was very much modelled on the work of Donald Winnicott and also coloured by Barbara Dockerdrysdale, who was the consultant psychotherapist for the Cotswold community, and so it was a very, very clear model that they were working to. Secondly and this actually became, I guess, over time, my particular interest I was struck by a very strong commitment to a systems approach for the way that they looked at care and the way that they looked at management of the care there. They worked very closely with the Tavistock Institute. They provided a consultancy, virtually a management consultancy for the community, and, as I can discuss later, I guess that was one of the things that really interested me, of the things that really interested me.

Graeme: 14:50

Thirdly, I picked up right at that initial meeting that Richard and his team had a very, very strong commitment to the Cotswold community being a learning institution and, you know, with a preparedness to examine what was working, what was not working and talk about it very openly without, you know, ego getting in the way at all. That was very impressive. You know, these were just the things I was picking up on at the initial meeting. And then I guess the fourth thing that really struck me during that initial meeting was the task that Richard was taking on, whereby he had been taking an old-style approved school, which you know all the dreadful things that everyone listening to this podcast will be very aware of, I’m sure.

Colby: 15:51

Reformatory in our parlance, I think in Australia yeah.

Graeme: 15:55

He was taking that and converting it into a therapeutic community and he wasn’t able to have the luxury of, uh, you know, clearing all the the uh, the boys from that approved school out and clearing all the staff that had been there out. He had to go through a process of working with what he had and then gradually, over a period of years, converting the whole style of that. And that type of change process was an extraordinary undertaking and so obviously you know that was very impressive.

Colby: 16:39

And at what point did you come into it? Because it would have been just. I remember when John speaking to John Whitwell about it, it would have been a massive undertaking. Yes, and as I recall the conversation with John, it started really from, obviously, I think it was 1969 that Richard Balburnie took it over. And at what point did you start there?

Graeme: 17:06

I started the very beginning of 77.

Colby: 17:10

Yeah.

Graeme: 17:11

So and I think John and Richard saw that look, the first five or four years or so, we’re really just slugging it out in terms of the change process and gradually, you know, moving on staff for whom it was not going to fit. Yeah, additionally, after a few years Richard moved on about half the boys that were in there as well.

Graeme: 17:46

Okay, because he recognised that, or there was a broad recognition that many of the boys there were, I guess, low-level delinquents and were not seriously disturbed boys that he wanted to really focus the community on and he recognised that, in fact, those boys that were essentially delinquents but not seriously disturbed, they actually deteriorated if they were in that type of environment you know of the institutional environment and it was much better for them to be out in the community and being kept an eye on at the community level by, you know, the local social services and the local police.

Colby: 18:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, and that and that, yeah, and that’s right and that’s what we do see that um, there is that kind of effect where um people, when you’re the environment in which you are in, can can either um can expose you to um influences that that may not be in your best interest, I guess going forwards and um, but I, I’m really also this is a little bit of a question without notice, because I’m really um, I’m turning my mind to the really the, the magnitude of that, that process of change that richard undertook to um my and and my observation would be from my own work over the last 30 years. It is very difficult, even motivated people of the need to vary their approach to caregiving and relating with our deeply hurt and troubled young people, let alone what I think John well, in my conversation with him, described as almost prison guards really, and with that being the role and perhaps that being the mentality of the way in which they approached the work.

Graeme: 20:19

Yeah, yeah.

Colby: 20:21

So, no question without notice there it was more just me thinking and reflecting on on that um. So you, these were, that was your kind of initial impressions. They were, they were really favorable, um, and how did that, those impressions play out, I guess, at over the time that you were at the Cotswold community, and what additional things perhaps did you notice about it that both made it work and or needed further work?

Graeme: 20:58

Yeah, well, look, I can say that the portrayal that Richard provided and that I absorbed in that very first day that I spent with him, that was very accurate. But obviously I developed a lot more insights as to you know, more insights as to you know the way in which the place sought to function over time. One of the really things that struck me very, very strongly was the very clear triaging system that Richard had set up there, guided by Barbara Dockerdrysdale, obviously, in that there was a very clear process of asking, you know, firstly, can we help this boy? Secondly, can we contain the boy? Because it was an open community.

Graeme: 22:18

There were no locks, you know, no bars, no closed rooms, no bars, no closed rooms, no restraints. That, unfortunately, is still quite common in youth detention facilities and so on. It was an open facility. So it was really a question can we contain the boy? And thirdly, is the boy so damaged that trying to help drain and destroy staff? Because working with very damaged children, as you would know, is probably challenging for the carer. So the community was seeking to, and bearing in mind that a lot of the work that Winnicott had done and that Barbara Dr Drysdale had done was looking at the damage that was done by removing children during the Blitz, yeah.

Graeme: 23:42

We have got some dreadful experience here in Australia but that was the basis of their work at looking at the danger, that was, the damage that was done.

Colby: 23:53

Yeah.

Graeme: 23:54

And so there was a very, very strong belief that, look, you do not remove the child from unless you know it is very, very serious, and then you look at how to do it in a way that causes the least damage.

Graeme: 24:13

So there was a very strong belief in not taking in those boys who, while they may be damaged, they’re not so damaged that they would not be best staying with their family, however inadequate that might be, being supported by the county social services and by the police and other authorities at working through that out of a residential situation, but also not taking in those who were just so damaged that they would not be reasonably treated, without draining all the resources of the team.

Colby: 25:09

Yeah.

Graeme: 25:10

So getting an understanding of that triaging approach was, you know well, I found that that was a very valuable lesson to apply, you know, right throughout my career actually.

Colby: 25:29

Yeah, yeah, it almost sounds like you know, being very aware of what resources you have, to achieve the best outcomes with those with whom you think you can deliver the best outcomes for.

Graeme: 25:51

Yep.

Colby: 25:51

Yeah, that’s right. Yeah, and go ahead.

Graeme: 26:01

There are many other things that were really major lessons as well were really major lessons as well. Really, you know, understanding how their commitment to it being a learning institution played out was really an important and valuable lesson, you know, in that we would have frequently reading groups whereby, you know, we all studied different papers that were put together. We would, as a group and I’m talking about a small house group analyse what was working, what was not working and how to address those and the possible reasons for that. Again, in a way that was very open and Barbara Drasdell and Richard both often brought out about every year, brought out annual realisations papers, their learnings from the year where they had observed things that possibly needed to be changed or things that they need to stop doing and things they need to start doing. Being in that learning environment was really quite extraordinary.

Colby: 27:37

It does sound extraordinary and what it has me thinking about is that it was a very that staff growth and development, you know, had an important place alongside the boys’ growth and development.

Graeme: 27:55

Very much so.

Colby: 27:56

Yes.Graeme: 

\27:58

And that was an important part of Barbara Dr Dresdell’s role.

Colby: 28:05

Aye.

Graeme: 28:06

Yeah, to guide staff as well.

Colby: 28:10

And it sounds like it was a reflective environment and from the point of view that and you referred to the annual insights paper but it sounds like it was an environment where people were encouraged to think about what they were doing not just approach the role, uh, in a very um, routine, ritualized um, I’m trying to think of a better word for automaton, but you know what I routine ritualised I’m trying to think of a better word for automaton, but you know what I mean but to actually approach the role with a healthy reflective capacity, which is very much one of the foundations for what we refer to generally now as trauma-informed practice, whereby you are encouraged to very much adopt a reflective stance, be aware of yourself, be aware of the person with whom you’re interacting, the young person with whom you’re interacting, and what is their experience that led up to this interaction in the here and now. And it sounds like that was very healthily encouraged and supported at the Cotswold community.

Graeme: 29:42

Very much so and, look, I must say that observing and working with Richard Balbirnie was an extraordinary experience. You know, richard was a very well courageous person in terms of what he was prepared to set up there and the changes that he was prepared to work through. He was very single-minded and with a very clear vision of what he wanted to do. I have heard him being referred to as a very charismatic person, but that was something that Richard really argued very much against, you know, because so many of the types of communities that were set up were often set up by a charismatic person and everyone followed the leader. But then, as soon as that person went or often before that person went, you know, the whole thing would crumble and what Richard was seeking to establish was something quite different from that. It was very much a decentralised organisation.

Colby: 31:12

Follow your instinct.

Graeme: 31:14

And not a hierarchical organisation at all. It wasn’t so much following your instinct. You were very much following very much the treatment and the care philosophies and so on. But it was very much that recognising that it must be the people who are the primary carers who are making decisions and that they be supported to do that. And certainly if they stumble then you pick them up and work through.

Colby: 31:53

But rather than looking for approval from on high from some charismatic leader, he was seeking to have a very, very different organisation, seeking to have a very, very different organisation and entrusting the people that worked in the organisation with that capacity to think and reflect and instinct was not the right word, I think I was more thinking, following your reflections, I guess, following your understandings, following your understandings, following your learnings and teachings again, an extension of thinking about what you’re doing, I think, sounds very much like that was very healthy there. Yeah, now my um, my understanding of the Cotswold community is that relationships were. The relationships that were cultivated with the young men were very influential and important, and I think part of us kind of connecting with each other was not just hearing the podcast and recognising John, but also you told me about an experience that you had of a resident at the Cotswold community who contacted you many or decades later.

Graeme: 33:33

Yeah. Yeah, yes that was quite extraordinary really, in that some 39 years after I had left and 39 years after I had left, I got a contact, through LinkedIn actually, from a chap who had been a resident and who had been one of the boys that I worked particularly with in that each of the house staff would have about four boys that they would work with.

Graeme: 34:20

Yeah, and this chap. I had started working with him when he came to the community at about age 13. He had been a young thug in his local area and was in a lot of trouble with the law, and this was well. For any of the boys coming to the community, it was really the last stop before going into closed institutions, before going into closed institutions, and I worked with him for several years while I was there and just to give you an idea of the sorts of damaged kids, we used to work in terms of about eight weeks and then the boys would go home for about eight to ten days to keep in touch with their family, because that was considered very important, even if their families were often, you know, fairly dysfunctional.

Graeme: 35:54

And often, unfortunately, you know, they did break down a bit and get into trouble. And so I went along. This chap had got into trouble one break home and I went along to the court hearing with him and what he’d done? He’d broken into a childcare centre near where he’d been and stolen soft toys and this is a 13-, 14-year-old thug and so that shouted out the sort of severely emotionally deprived boys, boys that we were working with who had really had a very inadequate you know, early life that they were still trying to come to terms with.

Graeme: 37:14

And so you know that was the sort of chat that this boy was. And anyway, he made some progress while I was there, but obviously, once I left the community and came back to Australia I didn’t have any contact with them. And it was quite extraordinary receiving this, this letter. He initially just sought to make sure that that he got the right and then said he would write a longer note. You know when he could, and it took about another year before he actually did, but when he did it he had lived an extraordinary life, you know.

Graeme: 38:00

He explained how, when he left the community community he actually absconded from the community and he then sought to return but it was decided that no, look, it was best that he just leave at that point. And he went through several rough years, thankfully managing to stay out of prison. But then he managed to gradually start using some of the manual skills that he picked up in the community because there was a very, very good educational program that was undertaken at the community Poor Boys to help them develop manual skills, and he actually managed to hold down jobs in various fields, becoming very much a jack-of-all-trades.

Graeme: 39:04

He’d actually got married and had a stable partner for 20 years, or over 20 years, and had two sons that were going through university.

Graeme: 39:37

This chap, who came from an absolutely appallingly dysfunctional family background of intergenerational poverty, had actually broken the cycle. It was extraordinary. He said that he still struggles a bit and he had at that time when he reached out to me, he said he’d recently become involved with a group who was seeking to raise the level of public awareness of the sorts of experiences that he and his siblings had gone through very early in their life. For him, before he had got to the Cotswold community, because he’d gone in and out of foster homes and some dreadful situations that did not work, and he said that that was a very difficult process, you know, reflecting back on that whole very early time. But he said that he was being supported a bit through that process and he was feeling that he was coming up a better person through it. And he was feeling that he was coming up a better person through it.

Graeme: 40:58

But, as I said, I was absolutely thrilled that you know this chap, who had come from a totally, totally dysfunctional family and the family had been dysfunctional for generations had actually broken the cycle and was living, you know, a healthy life where he was enjoying a stable partnership. A stable partnership, he was enjoying being a father and caring for his sons and and he’d developed various hobbies outside of work that were giving him a lot of joy. You know that was very much that. I guess that fitted in while I’m thinking about it, that fitted in with my initial interest in the whole thing of how one builds up human capital.

Colby: 42:00

Yeah, how one builds up human capital. Yeah, it’s a really. It’s a beautiful story of growth potential, even amongst our most disadvantaged, in many ways, young people, that they still have tremendous growth potential. And I think you’ve had the benefit as well, through this experience, of being able to make the connection with work that you did and work that was done in the community and what comes after in the community and what comes after and this is one of the things that I similarly have a lot of experience of care-experienced young people that I worked with during their time in care making contact with me, and it really provides, I think, a really valuable perspective on the work that was done and, in particular, the importance, I think, of relational connection, the fact that he sought you out and made the contact with you, which would have been a fantastic experience for you, but reflected very well on his experience of you when he was in those formative years.

Graeme: 43:33

I’d obviously love to know a lot more of his story, but I’m very conscious that and I’m sure that you would have had the same experience that you need to be conscious that they need to pace the contact. It’s very much up to them as to when they’re ready to disclose parts of their story parts of their story.

Colby: 44:07

But yeah, I think, um, I think, when um john whitwell was was paraphrasing winnicott, um, and he talked about this in the podcast about winnicott and the idea of the, of the, you know, the, the children being like a bulb and we, and the growth was in the bulb John referred to, and I think that’s a very interesting perspective that everyone has, in the right circumstances, in the right containing environment, has the potential to grow. Yeah, when you said you moved, after being at the Cotswold community, you moved back to Australia and you worked in healthcare management and your career developed onwards into international health management and consultancy and you’ve worked across a great number of countries. But I’m curious as to whether there were elements of your experience at the Cotswold community that you took into that work and continue to reflect on.

Graeme: 45:18

Yes, look, as I said, one of the things that struck me when I first met Richard and the team at the Cosmo was their commitment to seeing the work very much in a systems approach.

Graeme: 45:38

The work very much in a systems approach, and I know that that very much affected the way that I viewed my work in healthcare management, whereby rather than looking at each individual work area separately, one looks at the whole system, the whole organisation, because in any system the different parts impact upon each other.

Graeme: 46:16

And during my time in healthcare management I became very interested and active in the quality management area and for a while there I was an accreditation surveyor for the Australian healthcare quality process. And when one looks at the quality in a complex organisation like a hospital, one really needs to look at the whole organisation. Because you know you may have a world-leading you know you may have a world-leading you know cardiothoracic surgeon and an extraordinary you know interventional radiology unit. But if you actually don’t have the connections between them, which may be as simple, as you don’t have the porters and the wheeling the person to and fro, you don’t have the medical records system, you don’t have the porters and the wheeling the person to and fro, you don’t have the medical records system, you don’t have the nursing system, they’re all working together in a harmonious way Then your quality can be very compromised. And so the systems approach that was adopted at the Cotswold community very much influenced the way that I took work into healthcare management.

Colby: 47:53

Yeah.Graeme: 

47:55

And to some extent in international health as well, in that I worked very much on national disease programs around the world and one needed to. You knew that for a country to be effective in, for instance, their program for HIV or TB or whatever, needed to not just look at the delivery process of drugs. You need to look at the supply system all the way through. You need to look at the legal system that they’re operating in in the country. You need to look at the uh, the messages that um, the elders, the community thought leaders, like the religious leaders, that they are sending in the community. So you need to take a total systems approach. So I think that that initial grounding that I experienced in the Cotswolds to a systems approach was, for me, extremely valuable.

Colby: 49:13

Yeah, and my understanding of how that looked in the Cotswold community is that everyone, all the staff, were trained in the model. All the staff were responsible for the delivery of the model. Yes yes, that’s true.Colby: 49:31

Yeah, and as an example of where that can break down, I remember John Whitwell talking about once he’d moved from the Cotswold to the first therapeutic foster care service within the UK. He made a similar point in relation to the drivers that they relied upon to transport young people to school and so on and that the observation that when the drivers were not were out of sync or asynchronous with other endeavour, that that has an observable impact on your capacity to achieve the outcomes of your endeavours.

Graeme: 50:21

Yes, yes.

Colby: 50:24

And you moved into international healthcare management and consultancy. What kind of motivated you to go there?

Graeme: 50:31

Well, I guess it was that original interest of mine in the concept of human capital, but very much on a macro scale.

Colby: 50:41

Yeah.

Graeme: 50:43

You know I was looking at what was happening in whole countries, not just in local communities or individuals. And also the knowledge and this is what we see in this field of treatment for disturbed children the knowledge that many of these interventions are massively, massively, massively cost effective. When I hear politicians drumming on about, oh, we’ve got to increase productivity, you know there is just so much that we can do as a society. That is massively cost effective. You know, rather than well, you would know, in dealing with disturbed children, you know, rather than locking them up in very, very costly and very destructive warehousing facilities where they are not going to really gain anything at all, you know. But if we do invest in them, hopefully very early in the piece, well before they become, you know, disturbed adolescents, but very early in the piece, you know the paybacks are enormous.

Colby: 52:11

Even so, if they’re disturbed adolescents, because the example you gave of the young person now not a young person anymore who contacted you, I mean think of the savings to society in the way and the breaking of that cycle and the way in which his family life and his children being at university, where the alternative would be to repeat the troubles that that family had, and there is a massive cost to society.

Graeme: 52:45

Indeed. So, the cost will. In those fields that I was working in, like in TB, I’ve seen various studies that suggest that for each dollar that’s put into a TB program, society gets $42 back. A similar in malaria and HIV, not at that level. I’ve seen figures of around $20 to the one. You know phenomenal payback, and you know, I’m sure, that there are similar studies in the area of treatment of young children.

Colby: 53:29

Yeah, I can’t say that I’m aware of them it’s not an area of professional reading that I do but I think it’s a point very well made in a number of ways, not least of which the description of the person who got in contact with you all these decades later, that if we, there is a tremendous benefit to our society by intervening in a therapeutic rather than a punitive way. In a therapeutic way with our troubled young people.

Graeme: 54:17

Yes.

Colby: 54:18

And the forward-thinking governments and administrators who hold the funding. Forward-thinking ones would do well to invest well in that area for the sake of. I found myself saying to a guest yesterday that the work we do is not only of benefit to the young people who are in front of us, but to their children and grandchildren as well.

Graeme: 54:55

Indeed.

Colby: 54:56

And it’s a very salutary reflection. I think yes, so, yeah. So do you have any kind of, all these years later, any ongoing or final reflections about your time at the Cotswold?

Graeme: 55:15

community. Oh well, look, it was obviously an astonishing privilege to have worked there during that time because it was very much leading edge, both from a clinical therapy point of view but also leading edge from that management approach as well, in that Richard and the team at the Tavistock who would consult with the community were very much, you know, studying how do we manage caring organisations, that they work most effectively, and that was an extraordinary experience. And, you know, obviously it was astonishing working in very much that learning environment where, you know, we were always studying the papers by Winnicott or Dr Drysdale or Bruno Bettelheim or others, and that was an extraordinary, very demanding experience. You know, I’d normally be reading between 10pm and 1am every night, so it was an extraordinary experience extraordinary is a good word, because, um, uh, they they’re not.

Colby: 56:50

It’s not the kind of reading that that someone who has a degree in economics, I guess, would necessarily. Or, you know, and people depending on what background drew people to that work. You know what was their formative or prior education. It’s not the sort of reading that I guess that they would necessarily have ever expected to be reading, ever expected to be reading. Um, it does make me, um, yeah, it does. It does make me wonder what, what people who work in a similar field are reading these days, what the what, the expectations around the growth in their potentials is. Um, look, it’s been fantastic having you answer a number of questions.

Colby: 57:43

I always, at the well, I’ve I’m developing a habit with these podcasts of uh, offering for the guests to ask me a question at the end because I’ve asked so many. I do. I do often. Um, I don’t often ask young people a lot of questions, but if it’s, if the circumstances are that I have to ask them more than just a small number of questions about something or other, I do the same for them. I say well, you know, I’ve asked you a lot of questions. Here you go, you can ask me a question. I’m pleased to say most of them are relatively safe in the sense that they generally ask me what my age is and I give them the answer. I used to give the answer in months, but someone worked that out how to do so I now give them my age in dog and cat years and they do they. Some of them have kind of cottoned on to that a bit now. But yeah, I pride myself on being able to answer questions without notice. I’m happy to answer a question if you have one of me.

Graeme: 58:49

Well, look, I would be fascinated to know whether you’re aware of therapeutic residential settings in Australia that are working with the highly damaged children, similar to what we’re working with in the Cotswolds, in that obviously I’m aware of individual or family-based therapy here. I get the impression that some of the residential ones are not dealing so much with the very troubled, damaged children, similar to what we were working with in the consulates. But I welcome you enlightening me as to what’s going on here.

Colby: 59:45

Well, if I speak for South Australia first, and based on my experience and an observation, residential care has gone through a lot of changes here in south australia in the last few years in terms of the structure and delivery of residential care. But certainly, um, our most troubled young people are in, um, they can, they can potentially be in each of the three main types of out-of-home care, which is foster care, residential foster care, kinship care. So, with with kin, usually family or residential care. I would say there was a, there was, there was a devolution from several years ago, from having congregate facilities, where there was eight or more or so in a facility, they’ve been devolved into smaller community houses where there would be one or more, really, depending on the complexity of the young person. And again, I don’t work in the residential care sector in our local departments. I may have omitted some of the things that they’re doing, but that would be my observation. I am aware, though, though, and as I said early on in this podcast, I interviewed, uh, someone whose podcast is likely to come out immediately before yours, who who was involved, um in the development of a facility in Victoria called Hurstbridge Farm, which I think is probably the closest thing that I’m aware of in Australia to what you describe as having been in place there at the Cotswold community.

Colby: 1:01:56

There are a few things that we don’t have that they had and or have maintained in the UK. So you know, barbara Docker, drysdale was equally perhaps more famous for establishing the therapeutic school, the Mulberry Bush. Yes, and there are the Mulberry Bush schools and those. There are several of those schools that continue to exist and in the United Kingdom where the kind of you know the Cotswold community and other therapeutic residential communities like that no longer exist and I think that they would be a good addition to our care landscape in Australia. In Australia, I think that I think it is. It is our loss to not have those kinds of. I know that there’s been scandals about them. I’m hoping to get a guest on who has looked into some of the myths and the factual or non-factual basis for some of the beliefs that exist about residential care.

Graeme: 1:03:08

Yes, Well, I guess that emphasises, I guess, how courageous Richard Balbirnie was in establishing the Cotswolds and taking it through that very, very difficult transition from an old-style facility.

Colby: 1:03:30

Yeah, so yeah, and then, yeah, I’m not au fait with other jurisdictions. Just, you know what’s happening in Victoria I’m aware of through connections and through a very recent podcast interview, but I would be pleased to know. I’ve worked overseas in Ireland as well, and they do have secure care facilities for their most at-risk young people, and that’s something that they’ve, as I understand it, has, been grappled with the implications of having a secure facility for our most at-risk young people. I think, here in Australia and here in South Australia, that we had a recent Royal Commission relatively recent that grappled with that issue, but probably that fell on the side of having a secure facility for our young people in such desperate straits is probably, you know, doesn’t necessarily doesn’t meet our human rights obligations, I guess, amongst other things. So I think, though, what I would say about the Cotswold community is is I would highlight some of the things that you’ve talked about that commitment to continuous growth, to parallel growth, you know, with the staff and the young people, that systemic approach, making sure that everyone is aligned and pulling in the same direction and pulling in the same direction, the implementation, maintenance of a therapeutic model, and I’m not aware of outcome study.

Colby: 1:05:35

There’s, you know data is key here, or king. I’m not aware of outcome studies, but I’m aware of, you know, a long career in an area of endeavour is kind of like research in and of itself. It doesn’t hold the same status as data collected within an academic institution same status as data collected within an academic institution, but across a long career, as I’ve had you can, I can reflect on the good outcomes that were developed with good practices and I can reflect on the you know, the problematic outcomes longer-term outcomes, adult people now, where things were not so great in terms of our care and management when they were growing up. They call that anecdotal. Sure, yeah, it was an enormous privilege, graeme, to speak to you and I really thank you for your preparedness to be on my fledgling podcast and share your experience and wisdom.

Graeme: 1:06:55

Well, thank you for reaching out and asking me to reflect back on what was an extraordinary um experience and very much a growing experience for myself yeah, well, thank you.

Colby: 1:07:09

I hope it was a good experience reflecting back, yeah.

Healing Through Relationship: A Lifetime in Therapeutic Care

An Ordinary Life Is the Great Aspiration

The journey of creating effective therapeutic interventions for traumatized children is filled with both challenges and profound rewards. This became abundantly clear during my conversation with Adela Holmes, whose remarkable 52-year career in child protection and therapeutic care has shaped Victoria’s approach to supporting its most vulnerable young people.

The evolution of therapeutic residential care in Victoria emerged from a crisis. During the 1990s, a well-intentioned but poorly executed deinstitutionalization process left residential care workers isolated and under-resourced. As Adela explained, the consequences were devastating: “Staff were encouraged to ring the police if a young person was out of control, which of course is the beginning of a long period of criminalisation.” This criminalization created a revolving door between the child protection and youth justice systems, with children entering through the family division of courts only to return repeatedly through the criminal division.

This crisis prompted judicial intervention and a pivotal report called “When Care Is Not Enough,” which recommended developing specialized mental health services for child protection clients and creating a therapeutic residential care model. These recommendations ultimately led to the creation of two groundbreaking programs: Take-Two Intensive Therapeutic Service and Hurstbridge Farm. Adela played an instrumental role in designing and implementing both programs, drawing on international therapeutic models while adapting them to the Australian context.

What made Hurstbridge Farm truly transformative wasn’t the rural setting, though many assume this was the key. As Adela emphasized, “People think that it’s the farm environment that is the key, but it’s not. It’s relationships.” The program’s success rested on fundamental principles: psychological containment, co-regulation, and consistent, caring relationships. The approach was remarkably simple yet profound – staff would never leave children alone, walking with them everywhere on the property, providing that continuous “calm presence” that traumatized children desperately need to feel safe.

The outcomes speak volumes about the model’s effectiveness. While a comparison group of similar young people either plateaued or deteriorated, 65-75% of the young people at Hurstbridge Farm showed clear improvements in their lives. As Adela puts it, her goal was simply “an ordinary life” for these children – a seemingly modest aspiration that represented a monumental achievement given their traumatic beginnings.

Adela’s experience offers crucial lessons for contemporary child welfare systems, which often seek cost-saving measures at the expense of therapeutic integrity. Her message to policy makers is unambiguous: “Don’t fiddle with what does work. Add to what does work. Take a deep breath. Spend the money now, because in 10 years’ time, 15 years’ time, is when the judgment will come.” She articulates what many practitioners know but systems often forget – that investing in relational capacity and psychological healing pays enormous dividends in reduced crime, improved wellbeing, and enhanced social capital.

The legacy of Hurstbridge Farm continues today, with the model still being implemented. As Adela discovered on a recent visit, “It has the same sense of order, the same sense of calm.” This continuity testifies to the model’s durability and effectiveness, challenging the common narrative that residential care is inherently problematic. Instead, her work demonstrates that well-designed therapeutic residential care can be transformative for our most vulnerable young people, offering them the healing, containment and relational experiences they need to thrive.

You can listen to Adela here:

You can watch at the link below:

About Adela

Adela has a career spanning 52-years, during which she has worked in the child protection, child & family welfare & out of home care fields for both the Victorian state government and the non-government sector.

Adela has a well-established track record in designing, developing and delivering complex trauma grounded therapeutic care services for the most complex and challenging children and adolescents, and an expertise for working successfully with and supporting others to work with these children and adolescents.

During her career Adela has designed and been involved in the ‘start up’ leadership and management of significant therapeutic service initiatives funded by the Victorian state government. These include the ‘Take Two” Intensive Therapeutic Service and the Victorian government’s successful pilot therapeutic residential care program, Hurstbridge Farm. 12 other pilot programs were developed using the same model and, in 2011, all 13 were evaluated as being highly effective in producing positive life outcomes.

Adela has been specialising as a trainer in the utilisation of complex trauma frameworks since 2000 and during this time has consolidated an extensive knowledge base and expertise in trauma & attachment informed therapeutic practice, both as a practitioner and a trainer of these skills.

Adela also specialises in the facilitation of Reflective Practice Groups and, in her consultancy work, Adela delivers to such groups as a visiting consultant on a regular basis.

In October 2024 Adela was awarded the inaugural Centre for Excellence in Child & Family Welfare Industry Lifetime Achievement Award for Services to Out of Home Care

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Adela: 0:02

People used to say to me at the start well, you know, what are you aiming for with these kids? And I would say an ordinary life, because an ordinary life is the great aspiration for children who’ve experienced trauma Almost everywhere. I mean not everywhere, but almost everywhere I’ve been not everywhere, but almost everywhere there have been great compassionate mentors.

Adela: 0:31

But the day I knew that something had clicked for him was one of the other kids was having his birthday and we were having a barbecue on the deck and he had forgotten to bring the boys present that he’d made in the school. And he came up to me and he said will you walk with me up to the house? I want to get the present. Then the children’s court magistrates intervened and wrote a letter to the department saying what is happening in your residential care system? Because we’re seeing children come in through the family division and then they come back before us again and again and again in the criminal division. It’s compelling to try and save resources, but what do we do in terms of the judgment and the decision we make about the lives of people you’ve never met?

Colby: 1:39

Hi, I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is a highly experienced expert practitioner here in Australia. Before I introduce my guest, I’d just like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we’re meeting on the Kaurna people of the Adelaide Plains, for me, and the Wurundjeri people of the Melbourne area of Victoria, for my guest. I’d also like to acknowledge the continuing connection that all living Aboriginal people feel to land, waters, culture and community and pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Adela Holmes. Adela has a career spanning 52 years, during which she has worked in the child protection, child and family welfare and out-of-home care fields for both the Victorian state government and the non-government sector.

Colby: 2:45

Adela has a well-established track record in designing, developing and delivering complex, trauma-grounded therapeutic care services for the most complex and challenging children and adolescents, and an expertise for working successfully with and supporting others to work with these children and adolescents. During her career, adela has designed and been involved in the start-up, leadership and management of significant therapeutic service initiatives funded by the Victorian State Government. These include the Take-Two Intensive Therapeutic Service and the Victorian Government’s successful pilot therapeutic residential care program, hurstbridge Farm. Twelve other pilot programs were developed using the same model and in 2011, all 13 were evaluated as being highly effective in producing positive life outcomes. Being highly effective in producing positive life outcomes, adela has been specializing as a trainer in the utilization of complex trauma frameworks since 2000 and during this time, has consolidated an extensive knowledge base and expertise in trauma and attachment-informed therapeutic practice, both as a practitioner and a trainer. Adela also specialises in the facilitation of reflective practice groups and in her consultancy work. Adela delivers to such groups as a visiting consultant on a regular basis.

Colby: 4:20

In October 2024, adela was awarded the inaugural Centre for Excellence in Child and Family Welfare Industry Lifetime Achievement Award for services to out-of-home care. Adela has no interest in retiring, as she loves what she does and still has much energy to provide input into the healing care of children impacted by complex trauma. Adela believes strongly in the capacity of well-designed and well-executed models of therapeutic residential care to bring about effective healing that is grounded in the growth of real relational capacity. In such settings, well-trained individuals can bring about the kind of real change required to heal from traumatic early beginnings and trust in the capacity of adults to provide safe, loving, respectful and kind care. Welcome, adela.

Adela: 5:22

Thank you, colby, good to be here.

Colby: 5:25

And Adela. I’m 30 years deep into a career, working in a very similar space to you in the adjoining state here in Australia, and I think your ongoing energy and passion is remarkable, which is not to say that I’m not still passionate about the work, but I do experience some dips in energy from time to time. How have you sustained your energy and passion for this work across 52 years?

Adela: 5:59

Well, it’s a really interesting question because 52 years ago when I started, I’d really fallen into the work. As I think I was saying to you a bit earlier, I started out my adult life as a folk singer. I was singing, I was born and raised in the UK, came to Australia in 1965, and it was at the height of coffee lounges and folk singers and I’d always sung. I was as a little girl. I was put up on tables and said oh really.

Adela: 6:45

Yeah, at family weddings or other dos, so I’d always sung. Got here, saw that there were a lot of coffee lounges, thought oh, this looks good, and so I kind of fell into this work. So I kind of fell into this work. But I always had an interest in the mind and psychology and things connected with that. So I read in a fairly eclectic manner from the age of about 16 with that sphere.

Adela: 7:24

In fact, the first book I read was by a guy called AS Neill N-E-I-L-L, a Scottish teacher who opened up a school in the UK for children with difficulties. It was a boarding school and the school was called Summerhill. The school was called Summer Hill. The book was called. Summer Hill then got interested in the work of RD Lang, the Scottish psychiatrist, and I think the people who I read back then had formed my thinking, because they had enormous passion and energy for the work.

Adela: 8:12

So there was no such thing as not being passionate about it and I think that mindset just has stuck with me because they were passionate and their writings showed that, demonstrated that passion really strongly. And I suppose the other thing, which is not a very scientific answer, but I’ve always, as an individual in my memory, only ever had on and off. There’s not a modulator in between. I’m either on or off. So when.

Adela: 8:56

I’m on. I’m on. I do have off times, but off time we’ll be reading or doing other fun things which some people might describe as on time. I don’t know. But I think also when you see what you do works, that kind of you know drives you with a bit of passion to keep going and do more of it.

Colby: 9:30

Yeah, yeah, I think you’re right. It’s reassuring, it’s reinforcing, I think was also the word I was looking for there. Yeah, it’s a vocation rather than a job, isn’t it?

Adela: 9:48

It is, it absolutely is. Yeah. And I know that. That’s why I have no intention to retire, because, you’re right, it is a vocation.

Colby: 10:03

Yeah, yeah, wonderful. Right, it is a vocation. Yeah, yeah, wonderful. So, um, you’ve part. I was going to ask you, uh, what led you to working in the area of designing and implementing therapeutic residential care programs, which is of great interest to me? Um, and one of the reasons why I started this podcast and chose certain people to interview but I’ve heard you speak already about those first two authors who designed therapeutic schools Reminds me a lot of the Dr Drysdale’s and the Mulberry Bush School. Yes.

Colby: 10:47

And of course Barbara Dr Drysdale was very important in the early days of the Cotswold community. Absolutely, and I’ve recently had John Whitwell on.

Adela: 11:00

Yeah, I saw that interview. I’ve met John when I was in the UK in 2008. And also, you know I do a fair bit of interface with Patrick Tomlinson. Yes.

Adela: 11:19

And I have said to him laughingly that I have what I call Cotswold envy because I was too young. Well, no, actually I’m older than him, but at the time that I was in the UK I couldn’t have worked in a setting like that because I was too young. And then I came to Australia and there was no such thing as a setting like that no, no. So I guess I never well, I did my own. But you know, we, I think, created something similar at Hirst.

Adela: 11:59

Not quite the same but very similar. But again that sort of sense of vocation, when you see something works. You know I’ve always also been what’s the word? Pretty outspoken, I suppose, but only in defence of something good you know, but a lot of times things that have worked haven’t necessarily been promulgated further because of systemic issues egos, which play a role in there, and resources, which play a role in there, and resources, and you know when you see that getting in the way of something that works to heal kids.

Adela: 12:54

I will never be quiet about that, never, ever.Colby: 12:57

Yeah, well, good on you. Yeah, it is frustrating that often extraneous factors are what gets in the way of the longevity of certain programs and, of course, the Cotswold I have a lot to do with Patrick as well, and the Cotswold community is no longer, and part of that, as my understanding, had to do with scandals that occurred in the residential care sector in the UK. But I’m hoping to speak to someone on a future podcast that can shed a bit of light on about, um that issue, the issue of quality of care and consistency of care, good quality care in in in residential care versus other forms of of out-of-home care. But so watch your space, people. Um, haven’t haven’t quite got there yet, but hoping to. And the other thing you wouldn’t have found here was therapeutic schools.

Adela: 14:09

No.Colby: 

14:10

No.Adela: 

14:11

No, and I know, having been brought up in the UK.

Adela: 14:15

there’s that long history of what was called Borschtel, which were residential, corrective residential schools, which have morphed into something different, but those residential schools that were therapeutic. I’ve read a lot about many of them and when I was putting together the Hurstbridge model, a big part of my research was a book that was put together. I think it was edited by Adrian Ward. A lot of people who had run services that I think grew from the Cotswold community had written chapters in the book that I read, and I actually met many of those people. When I was in the UK in 2008, alan Worthington and I went to the Mulberry Bush School. Yes, so all you know the places that had sort of grown out of the console community.

Adela: 15:27

I made it my business, wherever I could, to visit them and I must say that, adrian Ward, all I did was send him an email saying I’m going to be in the UK in November. I wonder if you could give me some numbers to contact people so I could go and see services? Yep, he developed me a whole one-week itinerary of visiting. Oh, wow. I was knocked out. And.

Adela: 15:57

I just, you know, got on the train and went from one place to another and was absolutely knocked out with what I saw. But it was great. I’d been doing Hurstbridge for a year at the time and I could see some of the practices that I based Hurstbridge on and I could see how well they worked and that gave me great fire and inspiration to keep going.

Colby: 16:29

Awesome, yeah, so we will talk more in a little bit about Hurst Bridge, and I know that people who are listening to this podcast and know anything about you will be very keen to hear you talk more about that. I’m just wondering you know you’ve come, you talked about, you’ve read some books about therapeutic work, therapeutic residential work, including in a school-based setting. How did you? But you’ve also talked about how it just didn’t exist here. How did you come to be at the forefront of developing these therapeutic residential care programs like Hearst Bridge? Who?

Colby: 17:13

you talk about. As I said, how did you get into that space to be able to bring it about?

Adela: 17:21

Yeah, it’s a good question when I reflect on it. So I mean my first job at the end of 1972, and it’s funny, I was in well funny, strange juxtaposition between doing this interview and events over the past two or three weeks here. I had a very formative, mentor-mentee relationship with a woman called Pat Simmons who had been the superintendent.

Adela: 17:58

we’re talking old times here of the very first place that I worked of the very first place that I worked, as I said, I fell into my study, discovered I could do it, discovered I had a real ability to do it. And then it was kind of onwards and upwards. But I was doing my final placement in doing welfare studies and it was at a place called Youth Welfare Division in what was then called the Social Welfare Department.

Adela: 18:37

It was a very new department in Melbourne, in Victoria, and so it was office-based and you would go out and do outreach visits to young people who were in the institutions. Because it was all institutionally based. At the time and it was coming to the end of the course, my only income capacity was back to the coffee lounges and earning $5 a night until I could find something in the sector. And I spoke to the person in charge then at that place and I said are there any jobs going here? He said, well, no, there aren’t. But there’s a very new initiative starting up in May next year. It’s a community-based diversionary program to keep young women out of the institution. And I thought, oh, that does sound interesting. So I did a couple of interviews with the people who were going to run it. But then I said to him well, that’s great, that’s good in May next year, but here we are in November now and I need to earn some money. Is there anything else?

Adela: 20:08

And he suggested that I work at the institution that they were building this diversionary program for, which was a place called Wynne-Leighton, so it had upwards of 100 girls who had been through the children’s court either for criminal offences or were considered to be what they called back then exposed to moral danger. Okay.

Adela: 20:41

In need of care, basically. So I said, all right, I had no real idea what I was walking into exactly, but it sounded like it was up my alley. So I said yes, went to work there. And by golly I mean there were some things I would never replicate. And by golly I mean there were some things I would never replicate, but there were many elements of the relational aspect of working with themselves that I retain to this day. And there was a woman there running the place called, as I say, pat Simmons. Pat very sadly suffered from dementia for the last eight to ten years, I think, and she died on Good Friday.

Adela: 21:34

So I went to her funeral last Friday and I was thinking a lot about exactly what you’ve asked me.

Adela: 21:41

And I suppose what I saw when I went into that role at Wynne-Leighton told me what you should do and what you shouldn’t do in deeply experiential terms, because it was like I walked in, I put my uniform on and there I was and I just had to do it and I saw from the very beginning, with Pat’s mentorship, that it was all about relational capacity, regulation and co-regulation. I didn’t use those words then, but that’s what it felt like and that’s later what I learned it was and the capacity to look past behaviour and understand what sat behind it. And you know, we were working two staff on a unit with 24 girls in it and you had to learn some very valuable things about the mood and the rhythm of what was happening in that large group of young women and also, therefore, how to intervene in a way that was a bit cleverer than just. You can’t do that, because that doesn’t work. It might work for 10 minutes or half an hour, but it doesn’t actually do anything, doesn’t change anything.

Colby: 23:25

Probably just stirs them up.Adela: 23:27

Yeah Well, actually, someone at the funeral talked about an event where a number of young women had climbed up on the roof of this place when they’d and I’m not quite sure what the reason was they weren’t either with Nathan. I’m not quite sure what the reason was, they weren’t either, but talked about the example of how Pat you know everybody was going to ring the fire brigade and the police and it was all going to escalate.

Adela: 23:56

But Pat said no, don’t want you to do any of that. I’m going to go up there and talk.

Colby: 24:05

I thought you were going to say that.

Adela: 24:08

And she did, and within half an hour and the shouting calmed down. Within half an hour they’d all taken off their clothes and they were standing up there in their underwear. Within half an hour they were all starting to feel cold. Why? Because they weren’t in a heightened state. Their heightened state was making them immune to the cold, but all of a sudden, when they started to come down and engage in the conversation with Pat, they started to feel cold. All put their clothes on, climbed down and came inside. So that’s the kind of person she was and that’s the kind of mentorship I received right from the word go. And that’s the kind of mentorship I received right from the word go. And it just fitted so well with what I’d read in Summerhill, what I’d read of Artie Lang’s work. Artie Lang lived in a household with people who were diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Adela: 25:15

He was no believer in schizophrenia. He resided in a house with them. I think there was a film made of it, called I think it was called Sanctuary. But a number of people worked with them and lived with them and you know, if you look at the film it’s probably unable to be accessed anymore, but I saw it. It’s just people talking to each other.

Colby: 25:45

That’s what I mean when you’re describing your role, that initial role in, I guess what we would think about more these days in terms of a youth training centre for girls out more these days in terms of a youth training centre for girls.

Colby: 26:03

um, I was, you were talking about the staff to to girls ratio which was, yeah, quite different to what you might observe these days, but and I, my mind was initially going to well, my mind was going to well it’s not how good a disciplinarian you are that will maintain calmness and order in that unit. It’s how well you’re able to develop a relationship with all the individuals, because the relationship is the most powerful regulating influence that you would have had at that time. And part of that is, as you said, is engaging with the young people with deep understanding of their experience, so not getting distracted with what they’re doing but focusing more on why they’re doing those things. And in those circumstances, the young people feel heard and understood and validated in their experience and they’ll regulate in consideration of their relationship.

Adela: 27:00

They’ll regulate without realising even why or how, because the person is interested in them. It never ceases to amaze me. I think a lot in metaphors, right, and I often use the metaphor of what works in physical health and what works in emotional, psychological health.

Adela: 27:27

Now, if you walked into the emergency room of a hospital and went up to the triage nurse and said, oh, you know, I’ve got a pain in my right side, and said, oh, you know, I’ve got a pain in my right side, does the triage nurse use a bit of compassion and empathy and get the details from you and help you feel better? Or do they yell at you from behind the glass? Stop that this minute. Yell at you from behind the glass, stop that this minute. But it’s the same thing with what’s going on emotionally. We come to triage kids every day of the week.

Adela: 28:12

You know I do either directly or indirectly with staff who need to work directly with them and where’s the compassion you know, where’s the understanding that we would automatically apply if it was something physical.

Colby: 28:34

I think it’s that question what’s really going on here? Yeah. It’s not what you present with, it’s the you know, yeah, the reason for that, that presentation, yeah.

Adela: 28:47

But it seems to the desire or the ability to do that seems to fly out of the window, when what we’re looking at is something to do with behaviour, right, and that’s something to do with the person on the other end as well. Mm-hmm.

Adela: 29:09

So I guess thinking about that induction into the work and working in the diversionary program that we did, that, I think, helps me to understand what set me on a pathway, and the pathway wasn’t straight. I you know. I did some things. I went back to singing for a little while, came back into the work, worked in child protection in the mid-’70s. I think my good fortune along the way has been that almost everywhere I’ve been not everywhere, but almost everywhere there have been great, compassionate mentors. Not to the same extent as Pat no one. I don’t think anyone will ever achieve the level of mentorship and influence that she had on my later career and thinking that she had on my later career and thinking but they’re in pockets, that approach, there’s enough people out there to be able to go.

Adela: 30:30

Yeah, okay, so we’re not going to do this, we’re going to approach this in this way and use the brains that we have in our heads to think about this intelligently and seeing that in those early days and seeing the results of my you’d have to say rudimentary attempts to work relationally with kids. But I learned from what didn’t work and what did work. But seeing that, I think has provided me with the fuel for the passion to keep going in it and, of course, because I had that fuel for the passion, I stayed on that track. So my passion, really, I do other things and I’m as passionate about those other things, but my first passion was for therapeutically working in a residential setting, because you have the entire day, the entire life of the young person rolling out before you and that affords us so many opportunities.

Colby: 31:51

So your passion led you ultimately to Hurstbridge and the development of the Hurstbridge residential farm and community. I think people who are listening would really love to hear a little bit about how Hurstbridge came about and your role in that and the model of care that you were responsible for there.

Adela: 32:14

Yeah, okay. So there’s a little bit of systemic explanation I have to do to explain how both Take Two and Hurstbridge Farm came about. Yep.

Adela: 32:27

So in the early 90s in Victoria there was a Premier called Geoffrey Kennett. I think he’s quite well known because he was a it was a liberal Victorian government and he was a person who understood the value of a funding cut let’s put it that way and was looking at things in a different way. Now, through the late 80s, there had been many discussions about the need to deinstitutionalise services in the state Great discussions. But by the time he came into power, those discussions had taken a slightly different twist, because they obviously also afforded the opportunity to cut money and redeploy resources, which he made full use of, might I say.

Colby: 33:40

I remember.

Adela: 33:43

So, in actuality, the deinstitutionalisation process was to some extent, and it probably varied across the state and the service system, but it was to some extent put into the probably varied across the state and the service system, but it was to some extent put into the service of funding cuts and refocusing of funding.

Adela: 34:10

Having said that, what that resulted in was a deinstitutionalisation process for young people that was probably quite stripped of resources in a way. It was never intended to be. I can’t say that for sure, but that’s my guess. So what that meant was that the way it was done was quite squished. So the staff who had worked in the institutions some of them were offered the option of redundancy packages and some of them were redeployed to work with kids in houses in the community. But of course there is a very big difference between working with children in an institutional setting, with all the things that surround you, and working in a house in a suburb with access to no one and nothing. You’re on your own, you know. And over the course of about two or three years the workforce was heading towards being quite industrialised about that.

Adela: 35:29

People were getting assaulted, of course, children and young people who really struggle with internal regulation for all the reasons we know in terms of complex trauma and early life experiences, are going to punch a hole in the wall when they’re frustrated because they can’t talk about how they feel. Now, in the institution there were solutions for that, but in the community there weren’t any. So the staff were encouraged to ring the police if a young person was out of control, which of course is the beginning of a long period of criminalisation of these young people, and I have nothing to base this on but my own experience. But I would not mind hazarding a guess that up to 80% or 90% of adult people now in prison were those children, because they became criminalised not all of them, but a fair percentage. So you know we were on a hiding to nothing in the system and during that period of time I was working in child protection very closely seeing the impacts of these decisions, and I was a case planner.

Adela: 37:10

So these decisions were having a major impact on the quality of care that we were able to provide children on the quality of care that we were able to provide children and in the mid or the industrialisation was noted, and what the response to that was was the outsourcing to the community service sector. It was a great solution.

Colby: 37:38

I think it’s someone else’s problem.

Adela: 37:39

Yeah, and the same thing happened. What we ended up with in the mid-’90s was a highly criminalised group of children in the residential care system, which could have been something wonderful, but ended up something not wonderful. Then the Children’s Court magistrates intervened and wrote a letter to the department, whatever it was called. Then it changes names every so often it does a bit.

Adela: 38:15

yeah, Wrote a letter saying what is happening in your residential care system Because we’re seeing children come in through the family division and then they come back before us again and again and again in the criminal division. And good on them because they called it out. Yeah.

Adela: 38:36

And that led to the commissioning of an investigation and a report. The investigation was undertaken by a fabulous woman called Robin Clark and two associates looking at those children who were coming back before the criminal division of the courts. Again and again and again I case-planned some of them, so I was quite involved in that process. And to cut a very long story short, the report, which is called when Care Is Not Enough, which I highly recommend to anybody. It was published in 1999, but it’s as relevant now as it was then because it’s based on the same truth. And in that their two main recommendations were number one the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service System does not suit child protection clients. They won’t go, they won’t front up and so develop a service designed specifically for those kids that became TAG2. And develop a therapeutic residential care model. That became Hearst Bridge Farm. So they were the two recommendations of that report. That review and report the government changed to a labour persuasion.

Colby: 40:12

More sympathetic perhaps.

Adela: 40:14

And there were quite a number of people who were very committed to doing this, and so from about 2000 to 2002, there was a lot of activity in the head office of the department and they came up with the realizationisation that what probably would make sense was to go first with the outreach service and put some energy into that. At that time I was working for Berry Street. It’s a large service provider in Victoria that is non-religious but funded by the government. Yeah, and I made the mistake. We were all in a meeting. I was in a senior management role. I was relatively new to Mary.

Adela: 41:13

And we were in a meeting discussing the consortium that we were going to put together to put our hands up for that outreach mental health service, I put my hand up like that and said look whoever does it, not thinking that I would you know. I’m fairly junior on the tree. I said whoever does it, I’d really like to help them because I’m very interested in those sorts of services and the ceo.

Adela: 41:46

At the time, a woman called sandy de wolf said no, you can do it oh god, be careful what you ask for yeah, um, I said, oh, oh, really, yeah, this is a 5.5 million dollar program annually, recurrent for three years, with you know, and then, of course, dependent on outcomes.

Adela: 42:12

um, so you know, if we get it, career move, if we don’t get it bad career move, but I said, oh okay, and we had six weeks to write it. I wrote it. I designed the model with the assistance of a couple of people who were in the other parts of the consortium, but we put together what we thought would work and it was all grounded in what was, for us, an emerging understanding about complex trauma and how to approach it. And we got it. It was a good career.

Colby: 43:06

Then you had to do it.

Adela: 43:08

So we got that in. I think we were advised in mid-2000 or, yeah, mid-ish 2003, and mid-ish 2003. And then we got going with it and I got so connected with it I couldn’t really let it go. You know what it’s like? It’s like this is my baby.

Adela: 43:32

So I applied for a position in it and was one of the founding area managers of it. We were led by a fabulous guy psychologist called Rick Pawsey who had worked with the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service who were part of the consortium. He was a fabulous leader and, again, great mentor. So we had the support from the head office of the department. It was all systems go. We recruited something like 43 people in a month and I remember doing the interviews. It was like oh right, okay, and we were fully staffed by October 2003. And then we started accepting clients in the beginning of 2004. So I was with that endeavour, which was going really well from the start, and in about 2005 the department started to then think about the second recommendation, which was the pilot, and I was at that stage in a role where I was the pilot and I was at that stage in a role where I was the statewide services development manager in TAC2.

Colby: 45:07

TAC2, yeah.

Adela: 45:10

And so really it came to that role to write, pilot and research it, which was extremely exciting because this was my passion. So I’d kind of got myself without a career plan of any sort, but being led by the passion where I was right there.

Colby: 45:38

At the right time. At the right time.

Adela: 45:40

At the right time. It was a very fortunate juxtaposition. So I think I spent about six months reading, researching, mainly drew from the work of Bruce Perry, bessel, van der Kolk, dan Hughes, others, some others as well Sandra Bloom, certainly in terms of how they made sense of what you needed to actually do in working with kids. Put that together with my own experience reading, et cetera, and wrote a proposal for a model. And then we sent it to the two regions who were going to fund it and operate it. And you know that’s nerve-wracking, because he spent all this time reading, putting together writing and it was a massive thing to write. It was really a important and B had to be very precise and grounded in evidence. And that was when I read the book and used the writing from the Cotswold community people and beyond and they came back to us having read it and said we love it, it’s what we want, it is exactly what we want.

Adela: 47:20

So this was my second baby. I already had a daughter, wonderful. So this was like my third baby, really, um, and again I couldn’t not do it really. It was like really, no, come on, you know.

Adela: 47:41

So then I went into the role of being the founding manager of hearstbridge farm yeah, yeah, it’s interesting, colby, because people you know, because we called it hearstbridge Farm because, it was 33 acres with animals on it. People think that it’s the farm environment that is the key, but it’s not.

Colby: 48:07

It’s relationships.

Adela: 48:09

Relationships and the freedom to trial what seems to work in other settings if it works in this setting. We also had fabulous backing to do it at head office level, and I will mention names because I think they deserve to be mentioned. Sure.

Adela: 48:36

The minister at the time was a guy called Gavin Jennings who was a social worker and totally understood what the model was and what we were trying to do, so he was really, really fantastic to have in that role. And the bureaucrat who sat above this and sanctioned all of it is a guy called David Clements who repeatedly said oh, I don’t really understand all this. I mean, he’s a social worker and he does understand it. But he said, oh, I just, you know, I have my faith and trust in the people who are doing it, and I repeatedly over time have said to him yeah, but you know, there you go, Dave, you also understood what we were doing. Yeah, yeah.

Adela: 49:36

I still think he’s a bit too modest. That’s why I named him, because he should take a vow. He made it happen and he had a. You know, if you think of that first cohort of kids who ate, kids who came through the farm, he had a direct impact on their lives, whether he acknowledges it or not.

Colby: 49:57

And their children.

Adela: 49:58

Because he supported it.

Colby: 50:00

Yeah, and their children and their grandchildren.

Adela: 50:04

Yes, absolutely right, absolutely right down through the generations, and a fairly high percentage in the region of 65% to 75% of those young people showed clear improvements in their lives, like an upward trajectory, when a comparison group of kids over the same period either plateaued and stayed troubled or got worse, or got worse yeah. So there’s a fabulous diagram in that report which is called the Verso Evaluation of Therapeutic Residential Care Violence. It’s just there. It’s a very simple graph that they’ve done, but it’s like yeah, so it just changed the trajectory, didn’t it?

Colby: 51:02

Yeah, figuratively and actually.

Adela: 51:06

Yeah, absolutely yeah. So, and we’re still we. I say the. You know, the original staff are still in contact with many of those kids and people used to say to me at the start well, you know, what are you aiming for with these kids? And I would say an ordinary life, because an ordinary life is the great aspiration for children who’ve experienced trauma. What they do with it after that, that’s up to them. They have the wherewithal by that stage. But an ordinary life is good enough for me. And I used to say well, just an ordinary life. And many of them, most of them in fact, have an ordinary life. If it’s not totally ordinary, it’s closer to than any other trajectory they might have been on.

Colby: 52:07

Yeah, that’s fantastic and probably not dissimilar to the stories that come out of the Cotswold community that you were so envious of and I’m tremendously interested in as well. You had the opportunity to go back there quite recently, back to Hurstbridge Farm. What were some key observations or take-homes that you took from that visit?

Adela: 52:35

Well, one of the key observations that um it came about because you know the award ceremony that I was at, where I got that lifetime achievement thing um, the woman who is has managed it for about the last 10 years I think a woman called lena lamandola and a small amount of her team were actually there doing the presentation for that day and she came up to me in one of the breaks and she said hi, and we had a hug and she said I just want you to know that I use your model and I will not let anybody make us change it.

Adela: 53:20

And I said thank you, you know, and of course it’s true, and I saw that when I went up there because it has the same sense of order, the same sense of calm. I mean, it’s a beautiful environment and you can’t take that out of it because it is an element of it. But the more important part of the environment is the people, and there are really good people up there. They’re calm, they know, they’re focused, they understand what they’re doing, they don’t diverge from it. One of the elements of the model that I think is really critical is the recognition that kids who have had these experiences feel uncontained, and the important, and I know Barbara Dogger-Drysdale talks a lot and Winnicott talk a lot about the importance of psychological containment. Yeah.

Adela: 54:35

And, of course, psychological containment comes from physiological containment, because that’s got to come first and that’s what I observed, because that’s something we created up there when we were starting off the pilot.

Colby: 54:53

Contained adults.

Adela: 54:56

Contained adults and initially the kids would say no, you’re going to stop me doing this, you know all that. But we started off really simple by not letting them be alone. Other than you know they’re having a shower, they go to the toilet, all of that, but in the rest of their waking hours we are positively with them and we took that down to walking everywhere with them on the property.

Adela: 55:33

So if a child was in the school and needed something from the house, someone would come and walk up with them to get it and on the way we would have, we didn’t talk about anything. What was? You know? A bird in the tree or whatever, it doesn’t matter, because the containing element is from the presence, the calm presence. And I knew with one boy who had lived his life on the street right. He was 13 and a half when he came in the first cohort and he resisted everything and we developed a series of ways of helping him come into the program. But the day I knew that something had clicked for him was one of the other kids was having his birthday and we were having a barbecue on the deck and he had forgotten to bring the boys present that he’d made in the school. And he came up to me and he said will you walk with me up to the house? I want to get the present. I said inside, I’m going. On the outside I’m going. Of course I will. You know it’s such a massive.

Colby: 57:00

it’s such a massive achievement, I mean for people who are are not like us, who don’t, you know, have the level of familiarity that we do have with these children, they would just think yeah so yeah what, but it’s such such a huge thing, yeah yeah, the the same boy.

Adela: 57:19

I mean I bore you with stories but the same boy was telling me about two months after or three months after that how he thought he was doing really well in the program and was checking that out with me. And I said, yeah, you are, and how he had been impacted by a newer boy who’d come in and who was still quite a lot less regulated and who made him feel unsafe, which was music to my ears because it meant he was feeling safe. And you know, we worked out some things that I was going to do to try and help him feel safer. And I reflected that story to the steering group, which was a group formed of people from the regions of the department, some bureaucrats from head office and some me and some other practitioners in child protection, and I told that story as an example of change and growth.

Adela: 58:29

And the bureaucrat made this comment. He said, oh, it just sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. And I said, well, you know when somebody says something and you think of the right answer two hours later and you go. Well, I actually thought of the right answer in that moment. I was very confused.

Adela: 58:53

It doesn’t happen often. I said, well, but even if you’re right, it’s really high-quality bullshit. Yes, but even if you’re right, it’s really high-quality bullshit. Ha, yes, and it was like, ooh, where do you go with that?

Colby: 59:13

Well, on that, Adela. I mean, I could talk to you for hours. I’m a little bit weird that we’re both at the beginning of our working days. I just Maybe we need to do a part two, if you’re up for it.

Adela: 59:26

I’m always up for it, but.

Colby: 59:28

I think maybe on that’s a nice little segue into what advice would you if you had the opportunity to speak before heads of departments, ministers, again what would you say to them about therapeutic residential care?

Adela: 59:54

I would say well, there’s a bit of a push at the moment in Victoria to, in my opinion, water it down a bit. It’s being badged as enhanced because it is giving therapeutic funding to a greater number of places, which is, of course, an enhancement of sorts. But it’s really only an enhancement if you do it forward rather than take some things away and put some things forward, and at the moment it’s a bit like that. So I’m hoping that that will be different, because the sector is having a lot of input. To that I would say don’t fiddle with what does work. Add to what does work. Add to what does work. Take a deep breath. Spend the money now, because in 10 years’ time, 15 years’ time, is when the judgment will come and when you will see what is the impact of what you didn’t do.

Adela: 1:01:04

And when you will see what is the impact of what you didn’t do. And I said I don’t know. I would say I don’t know what will exactly be the impact, but I can tell you in broad terms what the impact is likely to be. But it’s compelling to try and save resources. But what do we do in terms of the judgment and the decision we make about the lives of people you’ve never met and are not likely to meet? Because that’s what it’s all about. It’s about the quality of life. You know social capital.

Adela: 1:01:48

Yeah, if people are worried, I don’t know what it’s like in South Australia, but in Victoria and other states there’s great consternation about the level of crime and you know juvenile crime and I share that consternation because it’s not good for anybody, including the perpetrators of it. But if people are believing that there is no way that that can be impacted, they’re wrong and that’s what I would say to them. I would say to them you are wrong. There is a way. It may cost you a little bit more in money in the short term, but it will bring you such amazing dividends in the longer term in social capital and the quality of life of people.

Colby: 1:02:46

And I think yeah, just to repeat, probably an earlier point, that any investment in relational capacity impacts behaviours down the line.

Colby: 1:02:57

Absolutely, if you are concerned about behaviours in society. About behaviours in society, the focus needs to be in significant part, developing relational capacity and things that kind of spin off from that, including, you know, felt sense, self-worth. I had a very interesting conversation with Lisaisa etherson in my last interview. Um can facilitate relationships, um facilitate the containment of pervasive shame, uh, these. It’s a lack of um secure relational capacity, that is, and a lack of secure sense of one’s own worth. That really underlies a lot of the social ills. That, yeah, that you can almost, as you say. You can’t predict it with certainty, but you can almost guarantee that there’s a consequence down the line.

Adela: 1:04:00

Yeah, I think a lot in metaphors. Colby and I was having a conversation with someone just the other day about a family and I had this metaphor spring to mind you know, when you’re at a fun fair and you’re in the Dodgem cars, some people know how to drive the Dodgems really well. They’ve had a lot of Dodgem experience. Some people haven’t. I’m one of those, are you? Oh well, good, I’m not. Some people don’t. Now you’ll always notice that the person who’s operating the Dodgem cars will hop on the back of the cars where the people are not driving too well to minimise the impact or the number of impacts and help them steer. But they actually do it. I often think they would make wonderful workers with kids because they do it in a way that doesn’t shame.

Adela: 1:05:08

So, it’s like if I dodge a car then we need more of those dodge-em-car operators because they hop on the back and they get it going in the right direction and if you look at them, they’re laughing and chatting with the people who are hopeless. They’re steering the car. But they’re not laughing at them, they’re with them.

Colby: 1:05:36

That’s a great metaphor. And they’re not on your back, they’re guiding you. They’re guiding you. They’re guiding you. Yeah, I think that’s a great metaphor. Now I’m not sure about your time and commitments today. I usually, at the very end of the podcast, I say well, I’ve asked you a load of questions. Have you got a question you’d like to ask me before we wrap up?

Adela: 1:06:05

Yeah, well, I do, because I’d like to know where you got the idea to do the podcast, because I think it’s such a fabulous idea. What did it emerge from?

Colby: 1:06:19

Probably yeah, there’s probably a number of contributing factors. Probably yeah, there’s probably a number of contributing factors. I have dabbled in making YouTube videos. I’ve done a lot of training myself and face-to-face and online. I think what really motivates this format for me is making connections and having conversations. That matter, I think so. As I said, I’ve tried a few different things, but what I probably like best and what best suits me, I think, in terms of as a as a person practitioner, my personal style is to is to have conversations with people, and that’s, you know, probably largely because the great bulk of the work that I’ve done across the last 30 years has been psychotherapy. Um, in terms of, you know the people that I’m inviting on, there is a little bit of an agenda between Patrick and I, because I think that there is a need, because residential care has often, in the child and youth sector, has a bad reputation.

Colby: 1:07:41

Yes, it does it certainly has a terrible reputation here in South Australia amongst practitioners, I would add and I think decision-makers have even tried to go so far as eliminating residential care, and the reality is that that will never happen. We will always need residential care. So we have to turn our mind to how do we make it better, how do we address the concerns that people have, how do we address even the myths that exist around therapeutic residential care. So the agenda is a bit. There is a bit of an agenda to have people on the podcast who can contribute to a different narrative around therapeutic residential care. Right.

Colby: 1:08:36

And then, lastly, I think I really want to provide a space where people who have really significant knowledge and expertise and I think the expertise that you get on the work, in the work, shouldn’t be denigrated in any way. It should be elevated. It should be elevated those who’ve worked in the sector for years, decades. I don’t know anyone who’s worked in the sector longer than you, adela.

Adela: 1:09:10

No, I think I’m a record breaker.

Colby: 1:09:18

Yeah, and I’m the longest-serving clinical psychologist in the sector here in South Australia, just working in the sector. Yeah, yeah, and I’m only at 30 years, so I’m I’m 22 years behind you, um, but I think I do think that, um, I have a great interest in speaking to people who have tremendous experience and knowledge to share, who don’t necessarily, who don’t necessarily get the same attention from those who you know, who cherry pick to elevate, I guess. So I’m trying to elevate a much broader cross-section of people.

Adela: 1:09:54

Yeah, well, that’s great. That’s really good, Because, as you say, it’s a poorly understood modality of care. I think I came into contact with a particular concept recently. It’s called the Dunning-Kruger principle or the Dunning-Kruger effect one of them and basically it’s a cognitive bias whereby you don’t know what you don’t know.

Adela: 1:10:37

And if you don’t know what you don’t know, how can you make good decisions about it? Hmm, I really like the Dunning-Kruger effect. Well, I don’t like it, but you know, I like the conceptualisation of it. I’ve got no idea where it comes from. I’ll have to research it a bit, but it is true. If you don’t know what you don’t know, you’re going to make decisions that don’t necessarily prosper anyone. Well, that’s right, and I think that is the case often in relation to bureaucratic systems. Yes, not putting bureaucrats down. They have a value, but they don’t know what they don’t know.

Colby: 1:11:26

No, and they need to hear from people who do know. Yeah. Yeah, exactly so. Thank you very much, adela, for being so gracious as to appear on this fledgling podcast. I’ve enjoyed it.

Colby: 1:11:41

There’s so much more. I would like to ask you, like just just to flag a few, I I’d love to speak to you more about that transition from like a um, a training center, but it was called something different back in the 70s where train, that training, that transition from what had gone on before though the girls who had been young offenders or had lacked moral something or other, They’d been in moral danger.

Colby: 1:12:10

Yeah, in moral danger into something therapeutic, which, of course, is what happened with the Cotswold community and likely many others. The Cotswold community had started out as a reformatory and then Richard Balburnie had turned it into a therapeutic community. So I’d love to yeah, I would have loved to have asked you a bit more about that, and also your model and how that’s been applied in other.

Colby: 1:12:40

I think you said 11 other programs. Yeah, 12 others. So look until another time. Thank you very much from me and from our listeners, and look forward to speaking to you again another time.

Adela: 1:12:54

Great pleasure. Thank you very much, Colby.

Beyond Fear: Raising Tech-Smart Children in a Digital World, with Cath Knibbs

Help! My Child Won’t Look Up From Their Screen

In an increasingly digital world, the lines between our online and offline lives continue to blur, especially for our children. This fascinating conversation with Catherine Nibbs, a researcher, psychotherapist, and technology expert with over 30 years of experience, delves into the complex relationship between technology and child development.

Cath brings a unique perspective to the discussion, combining her background in engineering, IT, and psychotherapy with her extensive work with children around issues relating to the internet. She emphasizes that we often make a critical mistake when discussing technology and children—we talk about technology as merely a tool, when in reality, it functions as a medium through which children experience life. This fundamental misunderstanding shapes how we approach the challenges that arise from children’s use of technology.

One of the most compelling insights Cath shares is that “vulnerabilities offline result in far more vulnerabilities online.” Children who struggle with attachment or connection in their real-world relationships often seek to fulfill these needs through digital spaces. Rather than simply viewing problematic online behavior as an addiction to technology, Cath suggests we should understand it as an attachment-seeking behavior. She introduces the concept of “e-tachment” to describe how children’s online connections are shaping their attachment styles alongside their real-world relationships.

The conversation takes a particularly thought-provoking turn when Cath discusses the impact of “distracted parenting” on early childhood development. She questions what sense babies make of a world where parents are frequently more engaged with their devices than with their children. In what she calls “three-parent families” (mum, dad, and device), babies may struggle to understand why their caregivers suddenly change their tone and attention when interacting with screens. This early experience of technology may shape how children relate to both technology and relationships throughout their lives.

Addressing current societal concerns about social media and online harms, Cath offers a balanced perspective. While acknowledging the potential risks, she argues against prohibition-based approaches, referencing Australia’s recent legislation banning social media for those under 15. She criticizes fear-based reactions that fail to address the underlying issues, comparing them to banning fire rather than learning to use it safely. Instead, she advocates for “Tech Smart Parenting”—an approach that combines technology, parenting skills, and education to help children navigate digital spaces safely.

The discussion also touches on the Netflix show “Adolescence” and its portrayal of online harms. Cath cautions against drawing broad conclusions from fictional outlier stories, emphasizing that we often miss the underlying attachment and relationship issues by focusing solely on technology as the problem. She argues that we’re failing our boys not just through their online experiences, but through broader societal messages that make them feel marginalized and problematic simply for being male.

This conversation challenges us to move beyond simplistic narratives about technology and children, recognizing that meaningful solutions require addressing both online and offline aspects of children’s lives. Rather than reacting with fear and prohibition, we need to equip children with the skills to navigate technology safely while ensuring their fundamental attachment and connection needs are met in the real world.

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About Cath

Cath is a Researcher, Psychotherapist, Author, Speaker, and Doctoral candidate looking at the real harm children suffer in a world of technology, which is advancing quicker than many adults can keep up with.

Cath has a background in Engineering in the Army, IT, and Computer Tech of over 25 years, and over a decade of working with children and adults directly around issues relating to the internet, from Bullying to Porn viewing, from cybercrime to cybersecurity and more.

Cath writes about issues such as the impact of tech on the developing child, the impact of cyber trauma and the issues of immersive technology on eyes, brains, and bodies.

Cath runs a company educating professionals about child safeguarding around tech and digital spaces, and she teaches therapists how to be ‘safe AND secure’ when using tech to ensure they protect their clients.

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Cath: 0:03

And the thing that I would certainly say is the vulnerabilities offline result in far more vulnerabilities online. What we tend to do at the moment is talk about the use of technology as though it is a tool, and we forget so often it is the medium.

Colby: 0:19

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is a global expert in children’s online behaviour and associated online harms. Before I introduce my guest, I’d like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land we’re meeting on, the Kaurna people, and the continuing connection the Kaurna people and other Aboriginal people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Catherine Nibbs.

Colby: 0:59

Catherine is a researcher, psychotherapist, author, speaker and doctoral candidate, looking at the real harm children suffer in a world of technology which is advancing quicker than many adults can keep up with. Kath has a background in engineering, in the army, in IT and in computer tech of over 25 years and over a decade of working with children and adults directly around issues relating to the internet, from bullying and porn viewing to cybercrime and cybersecurity and more. Kath writes about issues such as the impact of tech on the developing child, the impact of cyber trauma and the issues of immersive technology on eyes, brains and bodies. Kath runs a company educating professionals about child safeguarding around tech and digital spaces, and she teaches therapists how to be safe and secure when using tech to ensure they protect their clients. Welcome, Cath.

Cath: 2:11

You’re welcome, colby, for inviting me on, because I’m very excited to talk about this, and thank you to that beautiful rendition and nod to the land you’re on.

Colby: 2:16

We do that as a sign of respect for the traditional custodians of this land that we refer to, australia, and their continuous connection and habitation of this land that spans at least the past 40,000 years. So, kath, I’ve given a little bit of a bio or summary of your work, but I’m just wondering how you would describe the work that you do.

Cath: 2:47

Ah, in a nutshell, well, some of that description makes me sound younger than I actually am, because it’s over 30 years. I’ve been working in and around technology, so we’ll just skip that bit quickly, but I would say what I’m doing in my role is I work from the micro to the macro in terms of trauma. One of the things that isn’t on that description is my background in functional health since 2018, and using functional testing, such as checking for gut microbiome DNA what we call single nucleotide polymorphisms I can actually see on a cellular level what trauma does and how it impacts a body. And when I’m looking at technology, I’m looking at what we do individual, all the way through to the macro, in terms of society and how we’re changing, if you like, as a species, uh, so I would certainly say what I do is working individually, collectively and metaphysically. If that’s not too deep for uh, what? What time are we on tuesday morning?

Cath: 4:03

you know it’s the afternoon for me uh, here in Australia, but yeah yeah, wow, that is fascinating, and I wonder is that um associated with the PhD that you’re completing, which I referred to, or um, no, the PhD is in um, how young children so I’ve worked with seven to ten year olds how they perceive the impact of viewing, distressing, inappropriate graphing imagery and this is a piece of research that really hasn’t provided any new findings really in terms of children are affected by this stuff on a, let’s say, a nervous system level, on a psychological level, on an emotional level, and it’s almost like I’ve had to do the research to prove to people what I’ve been saying for the past 15, 20 years.

Colby: 4:59

Yes, yeah, yeah. Well, I guess that in some ways is the role of research, isn’t it? Yeah, is that research is? I often describe research as being scientific inquiry into the things that we already believe to be true.

Cath: 5:22

Yeah, and I guess what we do as clinicians is considered anecdotal until we have a piece of research that backs it up.

Colby: 5:33

That’s right. That’s right which can be reassuring but also frustrating, I guess.

Cath: 5:41

Yes, yeah.

Colby: 5:43

You know certainly you would be aware perhaps that I sometimes write about things like practice expertise and titled expertise, and a lot of titled expertise emanates from universities and probably has more standing than practice expertise. So it’s good to hear from someone who is a both a practitioner and a formal researcher, who is conducting research, just bearing out, I guess, what what you have known from significant practice in this field. Significant practice in this field, yeah, so that’s fantastic. Yeah, and how did you get, like, how did you get into this area of work?

Cath: 6:33

oh, in a nutshell, um my, if I go all the way back to my childhood, because that’s where we always go when we’re clinicians in this space my father was a radiographer in the prison service after leaving the army and he worked in and around what’s called category A prisons. So these are prisons where people are serving lifelong sentences for really macabre and abhorrent crimes. And when I was younger he would talk about the crimes that some of these criminals have had engaged in. And I must have been nine, ten. Obviously there’s reasons why my dad talked to me in that way and we’ll not talk about his dysfunction for doing that, but I got really fascinated in. Well, why would somebody do that? And because of the, if you like, the dysfunction in the family.

Cath: 7:28

I went down the route of physics, not people. But I actually came back to people after the career in engineering and going into computing because I was raising my own children, I was working in the computing industry and what I was dealing with. So this is when the Internet really started to take a really prominent part in people’s life, particularly in business. So this was like 1996, 1998, 2000. And I had young children who were beginning to get used to computers. I introduced them to technology very early on and what I noticed is the way in which the adults use the Internet and the way in which children use the Internet. And that was really my foot in both camps. And then I decided to train as a therapist because I jokingly say computers suck my soul. Train as a therapist because I jokingly say computers sap my soul.

Cath: 8:26

It’s a very quiet industry to work in in most cases, and I’m a chatty person. So I went and trained as a psychotherapist and, whilst doing so, did a little bit of work in some of the secondary schools.

Colby: 8:40

Yes.

Cath: 8:40

And I was finding what children were doing online was kind of in between, let’s say, the teenagers. Really, what the teens were doing differed to the primary school age children versus what the adults were doing, and we were not talking about this in 2010. If we go back, that’s really when I started, it was being missed and I continuously say and that’s the generation of children that we let down.

Cath: 9:08

Now, in 2025, 15 years later, we are now talking about the harms that children face, and this is thanks to uh online safety, trust and safety and, of course, a recent tv program which we’ll probably get into. But also it’s the space in which now we’re looking backwards saying we should have put um guardrails in place, we should have taken care of the children and, because of the ubiquitousness of this space, now we are now recognizing that children can be harmed.

Cath: 9:42

But I would certainly say the phrase I tend to use is we look at the ACEs study for trauma but, what we didn’t look at were cyber ACEs, and these are the ones that you can be harmed by on the internet, and that goes all the way back to early 2000s for the last 25 years, really.

Colby: 10:01

So you’re really talking about cumulative harms when you’re talking about the aces um, yeah, study, which is for those who who are not familiar with it, that’s the adverse childhood experiences um study. That um, that really contributed to our idea, contributed to our knowledge about um the impact of cumulative harms during childhood on health and well-being in adulthood. And yeah, it’s very interesting what you’re the parallel that you draw in terms of um, I guess children’s exposure and and and uh, in the same way that the ACEs study referred to complex trauma experiences, because there were multiple trauma experiences, probably experienced multiple times you’re clearly drawing a line of association between that concept and what happens in the online world for children and young people yeah, yeah, and the reason for that, uh, colby, is because everything we do online is attachment based.

Cath: 11:16

When you actually get to the crux of the, the modus operandi and the why we do what we do, there is so much neurobiology involved in using technology, being on technology, doing what we’re doing, and unfortunately, that’s the bit that has been missed, because what we tend to do at the moment is talk about the use of technology as though it is a tool and we forget so often it is the medium, and that’s that’s one of the phrases that I’ve used for a long time is it’s a tool and a medium.

Cath: 11:46

And when we’re talking about screen time and the metrics that that are being discussed in ways that reference addiction and things like that, that’s not taking into account the why we do what we do and when, when you actually get down to the crux of it, it’s about socializing, it’s about connection, it’s about engaging with your, your peers, and each and every part of uh, the developmental, uh trajectory of children is about that technology and how they interact with it or how others interact with it in front of them so everything has an impact on uh attachment and the thing that I would certainly say is the vulnerabilities offline result in far more vulnerabilities online.

Cath: 12:34

but when we’re talking about children who are um in environments where uh technology is um present uh and and it’s overly used at the detriment of the real-world connection, we are seeing a different kind of process emerging, and I call that e-tachment.

Colby: 12:58

Very good. Yes, it’s fascinating listening to you talk about it, and particularly the link that you draw to attachment. My mind was going to thinking about children’s online behaviour, as you were describing it as being a place where connection is achieved, a significant place where connection is achieved, and it’s through those those, each of those connections, plays a role in what our children, young people’s, attachment style is. So I you you may well be familiar with my work I draw a distinction between attachment, relationship and attachment style. Children, young people, can have multiple attachment relationships and they all differ based on their experiences of those relationships. Their attachment style is something of an amalgamation of all of those experiences and and it’s very interesting and the penny’s dropping for me, even as we speak as that you have included real world and online relationships as contributing to a child’s attachment style, which is very important in the way in which children and young people, and eventually adults, approach life and relationships and is like the rudder the rudder that steers them and their ship through life.

Cath: 14:34

Yeah, yeah, I mean, that’s why I went off to do my TEDx, because I found myself in that position with my own children. So one of the things I’ve looked at is early developmental, because I found myself in that position with my own children. So one of the things I’ve looked at is early developmental needs. When there’s a three-parent family the mum, the dad, the device and I was really interested when I was doing my baby ops about what sense do babies make of their world when perhaps the parent is only interested when the flashlight is on and the camera’s on and they’re paying attention to this thing and this thing gets pointed at them, and then their cadence and tone changes and, of course, the prosody around connection is around. Hi, let’s take a picture Da, da, da, da, da, da. And then the parent goes back to looking in the phone. What do, what do babies make of this new way of um being in the world? And what happens when that distracted parenting becomes about what I call other children inside the device, because babies can’t recognize themselves. And when, when mum, dad or other relatives are like oh my goodness, look at your picture here, swipe, swipe, swipe. Is that another infant in the room? Is that a sibling? Is it a baby that could be a threat. You know what is really going on in those first 1001 days and the?

Cath: 16:05

The reason I went off to do the TEDx is because I was sitting in, uh, my living room this is going back quite a few years, because my children are adults now, but nearly 30 in terms of their age and I was sitting there with one of the first, first ever iPads and I’m tapping away thinking, look at me doing my extra hours and I’m being a very busy mom. And here I am tip-tapping away and my children were playing on their consoles and devices and I realized nobody had spoken for an hour and I had this realization. I went okay, everybody, stop, we need to not do this, or we need to not do this as often as we currently are. And it was about, you know, really having a conversation Fast forward to I don’t know, probably about five, six years ago.

Cath: 16:57

I was on the telephone the good old fashioned, and I’m doing it here like the good old fashioned finger and thumb telephone, doing it here like the good old fashioned finger and thumb telephone and my eldest son sent me a piece of research. I opened my phone and started to read it, because we were having a conversation and he went deadly silent and he said you’re not paying attention to me, are you, whoa? And that was a moment where I thought, oh my goodness, even in a telephone conversation I’m not present because I’m reading the piece of research, which means I can’t do, you know, multitasking, and as a result, I kind of dropped that into the middle of the talk about this real world connection. What I’m beginning to see well, not beginning this has been happening for 15 years. Children who do not get their needs met and I call it out here go looking for their needs in there, and in there is whatever kind of technology they can find, or whatever app, device, game, etc. Etc.

Colby: 18:02

Wow, I’m yeah. I think we all have a certain level of understanding that these devices intrude into our real life and real-time interactions. I got goosebumps when you talked about what what do babies make of this? Uh, three-way interaction. Yeah, that that is fascinating and probably probably the um, the topic of, of of a of a much longer, I think, podcast interview. But I’m really, yeah, now that you’ve brought it up, I’m fascinated to hear more about what you’ve said and what you believe to be the case about that.

Cath: 19:05

Can I just put my caveat in there? Actually, it’s not to blame parents. I understand, um, and I think I’ve written this in my first parenting is the hardest job in the world, and if you’ve got a brand new baby and you’ve got I don’t know 300 people on your facebook page because that’s where us old fogies are, apparently- yeah if you’ve got 300 people telling you how you need to be as a parent, that can be so overwhelming for these, uh, new parents.

Cath: 19:32

Maybe there’s a reason why they’re online so long. Maybe it’s because they’re like well, should I be doing this or should I be doing that? Should I be doing sleep training? Oh, my goodness, I gave them food too early. Uh, I’m feeding them too often. Contradiction, contradiction, contradiction. Plus the health visitor who comes round. Maybe they’ve got 300 friends that have been telling them what they need to do.

Cath: 19:53

As a professional, we are overwhelmed with not doing things in air quotes the right way anymore. No real way of sitting with our instincts anymore, when this device can be telling you continuously comparison, comparison, comparison. You’re not good enough, um, you haven’t done enough of this. Your baby’s not doing that. They’re not standing, they’re not sitting, they’re not walking, and I I totally understand that must be overwhelming for brand new parents. But also, parenting is so difficult that in the early days when babies are sleeping, it used to be you would stick the television on. Well, you can now sit and play a game, you can talk to your friends, and for new mums, I guess that’s a way that they can still have some form of connection, whereas the isolation of the parents before the phone connection, whereas the isolation of the parents before the phone.

Colby: 20:49

So it’s pros and cons. It’s interesting because, while you were speaking about that, when we think about tech and of course our first concern is always our children and whether we have, and whether we have, by embracing online tech with the alacrity that we have as a society, whether we have created a I guess the grossest generalisation is that we’ve created a generation of anxious children and young people, people, more to the point, we’ve created a generation of anxious young adults, but what I’m hearing you say also is that it’s more generalised ubiquitous, I think, is the word than that, in that we’ve also created a generation of anxious adults who have a medium by which to constantly compare and contrast their performance in various roles, as well as the general stuff you know how they look, how they, you know what their interests are and all of that sort of thing, what Alain de Botton, my favourite modern-day philosopher, refers to as status anxiety.

Cath: 22:16

Yeah.

Colby: 22:17

Wrote a fantastic book about it.

Cath: 22:20

Yeah, his most recent one is absolutely gorgeous.

Colby: 22:23

Is it? Yeah, well, I haven’t read the most recent one, but, wow, I could sit and talk to you about tech, I think, for much longer than we’ve both got. But if you could, I’m actually really interested to hear a summary of where you land with tech and in terms of what you would say to professional people like me and yourself, and what you would say to parents about tech, and what you might even say to governments about tech.

Cath: 23:01

Well, do you know what that segues really nicely into? I have just written a book, right, which will be out in July with Penguin, and it’s called Tech Smart Parenting, because I am pro-tech, I am pro-parenting and I am pro-education and those three need to go together. In terms of the world we now live in is technological. So I will just go back to your reflection on the anxious generation being a particularly provocative piece of literature. Um, that has not summed up the world of technology very well. Uh, mainly given the. The author is not steeped in. Technology has arrived and done a recent uh, it’s kind of like an overview, without understanding all of the different domains and spaces and ways in which technology is used. Um hasn’t included games. Hasn’t included. Uh, immersive environments hasn’t included. The internet wants to just talk about social media without actually defining what social media is. So that’s just my little rhetoric reflection on that particular book.

Colby: 24:15

Absolutely Sorry. I was just going to jump in and say yeah, I think my understanding is that there is a distinction to be made, or at least, if we’re going to talk about the impact of tech and the online world on children and young people, we need to look more broadly than social media. Yes, if we’re going to talk about what we’re noticing, about the changes in the emotional health and wellbeing of our young people, we need to not just look at tech and the online world. We we need to look at everything that is happening in society yeah, there is um, I’ll actually send you a link to it.

Cath: 24:59

There’s a very good uh podcast that I’ve not long watched, which is an attachment specialist talking about actually the mental health crisis started before technology which I’m sure uh yourself being in this domain, this is not a new um arrival and because of tech it’s much more complicated and nuanced um I didn’t suddenly get busier.

Cath: 25:22

I didn’t suddenly get busier in 2010 um, there is yeah, there is something to be said about. I get it clickbait. Books and book titles sell and unfortunately I’m watching this particular professional at the moment distance diagnosing people on the internet when he knows nothing about the family situation. Actually, they’ve just appeared on a big US platform. A very well-known um tv presenter has just hosted them and one of the lines was so no tech, you know, no social media, but if they want to take a laptop into their bedroom then and I I just kind of rolled my eyes and went. Then you really do not understand what the dangers are and where they come from. And the reason I say that, colby, is because the reason I’m in the world of cyber trauma is because of something that happened to my children when they were about 10 or 11, on these flip phones which are allegedly safe.

Cath: 26:22

I can tell you they are not, because all of the spaces that children can interact and engage with all have the same kind of harms and they can be accessed in many different ways. They can be accessed a library. They can be accessed um. I actually know recently of a child managing to do something on a mcdonald’s uh device. Mcdonald’s device in the restaurant.

Cath: 26:47

So children are savvy enough to know how to get around if they’re not allowed on social media, because there’s no way to regulate this vast internet. So, going back to my position on this, I would say we need education for parents that A does not shame and blame, because that’s what I’m seeing at the moment. There is a huge drive to say, well, you gave them the damn devices, you should know better. You must, you can. And what I’ve seen as a fallout is scared and angry parents. And when we’re scared and angry and we go into fight, flight, freeze, we want the thing to go away, which is why the campaigns at the moment for no phones, no social media, no whatever.

Cath: 27:36

It is smart tech, this, that and the other. They’re coming from a place of fear of the unknown and it’s being driven by lots and lots of narratives in the mainstream media and certainly by TV shows, saying, oh, my goodness, this particular outlier case could be your child, and that isn’t helping anybody. And the children that are growing up now are going to be prime ministers, they’re going to be the technicians, they’re going to be the surgeons, they’re going to be the librarians. They’re going to be the surgeons, they’re going to be the librarians they’re going to be, tradespeople.

Cath: 28:10

And they are going to do that with technology, which also includes AI.

Cath: 28:15

And if we’re going to make this approach get rid of smartphones, get rid of social media what is it that we’re going to miss out on by teaching children how to survive in the real world?

Cath: 28:26

And it harks off going back to hunter-gatherer tribes and saying we’re not going to have fire in the camp because it could actually burn our village down, so we’re not going to learn to live with fire because it could potentially be dangerous, whereas another, another hunter-gatherer tribe might say well, we’re going to contain ours with stones and we’re going to use it, and we’re always going to have somebody taking care of the fire to make sure it doesn’t go beyond the bricks, so to speak. And what we’re doing at the moment is we’re saying we’re going to be a village that has no fire. There we are. We’ve progressed far more than the tribe next to us, who have learned to harness and contain it and to educate people about the dangers. But also, fire can cook food, fire can keep us warm, and this goes to that metaphysical approach. So heidegger talked about this, actually and called this techne.

Cath: 29:23

This is the use of uh, if you like to improve the environment and society and progress.Colby: 

29:34

Thank you. So I’m pro-progress, yeah, yeah, and powerfully so, if I might say. And of course, I’m coming to you from a country that is seeking to ban young people access to social media until they’re 15. And, in fact, legislation has been passed bringing that into effect, and the mind goes to you know, whether we’ve learnt anything from prohibitional approaches.Cath: 30:06

Not so far.

Colby: 30:08

No, no, but at least the government is on the side. The government can say they’re on the side of concerned parents and that’s a good thing.Cath: 30:20

Yeah, it is in how parents feel supported.

Colby: 30:25

Yeah.

Cath: 30:26

However, the gripe across the world from the academics is this is not research based, and I will give you a good example in terms of Pete Etchells has written a book called Unlocked. So, professor Pete Etchells, and he talks about the way in which sometimes we implement good ideas with the vested interest, only to find out later it wasn’t the best approach and that has happened repeatedly in medical settings where we’ve considered, for example, where somebody has a head injury and we do the little hole known as trepanning, where you actually do that, and we do the little hole known as trepanning where you actually do that. That has not been for the best interest of the patients, as it turns out, but it sounds like a good idea and if we think about what we’re doing at the moment, this is that it’s really an anecdotal. I don’t know how to, in air quotes, control my child. I don’t understand the technology, so I’m going to shout from the rooftops. It is damaging my child, because that’s the only thing I can say as a parent, because I don’t understand what’s happening and because there is, um, a movement of parents saying I, I’ve heard it and I’m going to go into the the things that really gripe me in terms of I’ve heard it gives them a dopamine fix or a dopamine hit? Um, when people don’t even understand what dopamine is or how it actually works within the body, um, I, I believe they’re addicted because they won’t get off it, whereas the understanding about what children are doing and why they can’t come off the game or why they can’t come off the platform at this point in time is about relational processes.

Cath: 32:12

But what we do is we get scared and we get angry and then we shout at the government and the government says well, best we keep our voters on side, we will support this movement and, sadly, bit around uh, we’re going to ban social media, hasn’t even defined it, and what I have seen is certain platforms are still available, but the internet isn’t banned and neither is gaming and neither is uh, vr, ar, xr, you know all of the different new immersive technologies, and the government is is pretty much saying there we are, we we’ve put a gate around the pond, but we haven’t done it for the skate park and we haven’t done it for the swings and the rides and we haven’t done it for the? Um, the, the graveled area, and we haven’t done it where the dangerous dogs run, and we have. It’s almost like we’ve done our part, because we’ve done the health and safety over this particular aspect in the city park and parents feel relieved, but it hasn’t really sorted the issue out yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Colby: 33:16

Yeah, yeah, wow, yeah, there’s a lot in there. I think you mentioned the word segue earlier and I wonder if this is a good place to segue into the topic of the Netflix show Adolescence, which I guess very much from my observation, taps into some of these issues that you’re talking about, not least of which the concern that exists around the impact of social media on children and young people’s behaviour. On children and young people’s behaviour, I just want to ask you firstly well, I’m probably going to ask you a double-barrel question, the first part being just your general impression of the show and, in particular, how it portrayed social media use amongst young people and the contribution it made to the plot, I guess, of the show.

Cath: 34:34

So I think I used the word earlier, but I will make sure that I do use it here again. It is a fictional outlier story, okay, and certainly in terms of the actors in it, I enjoyed the programme it was. If it was a book, it might be what’s called a page turner. For certain, the story was fast paced, which I’m going to do the idiosyncratic. If we’re going to talk about what social media does in terms of how they influence us and how they hook us in in air quotes, that’s the same as the cinematic way in which this story was told.

Cath: 35:14

We went from, uh, an opening scene that was, uh, very energetic. It had lots of unknown uh questions and answers as to what was happening. Why was this child being arrested? Is this really how the police arrest children, etc. Etc. So it absolutely captured our attention and gave us that dopamine spike and I’m being slightly ironic, sarcastic here, okay, so what the program did was really good in terms of creating that attention economy in the same way that social media does, and, given that it was a screenplay, the way in which the story started to pan out on the first and second episode were kind of indicative of if we didn’t know anything about the policing service, we would expect that’s how they arrest children, and that is not necessarily the case. That is a very, very rare case that somebody would be arrested in that way, particularly if they were known to be 13. So for me there was quite a lot of eye rolling. Well, that’s not how it happens. That’s not how it happens, but in terms of entertainment, I enjoyed watching it yeah in terms of the actualities in practice.

Cath: 36:34

Is this? No, it did not. It did not go, uh, in line with what I know as a child therapist, certainly what I know in the criminal justice system, certainly in terms of, um, being around children who are within this system in this way and and that’s because I work with children in the criminal justice system and in this particular way, um, what was interesting was the tiny little nugget, and this is the bit that seems to have captured everybody’s attention was the, the police, uh, the police’s son, who said dad, it’s all about the manosphere, and began to talk about an environment that isn’t usually talked about in that way by 13 and 14 and 15 year olds. And I have had so much fun since the program talking to my 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 year old clients, because many of them have watched it, including the ones that are underage, and their response has been we don’t even talk like that and we don’t use the emoticons and the emojis like that, and that’s not how, that’s not how we behave, that’s the adults not getting us. Uh, again, and and one, one client reflected and do you not think this was my favorite, you know, and do you not think that now you adults are talking about the emojis, that we’re not going to change what we’re doing. And I laughed and said but that’s, that’s what all children do. Yeah, so what it did do was it named, or it kind of gave a nod to the environments in which, um, in which misogyny and um and I particularly despise this term toxic masculinity is being discussed.

Cath: 38:17

Um, there’s no such thing as toxic masculinity. It’s masculinity and toxic behavior, and toxic behavior always has a root cause, which comes from and I’m sure I do not need to say this to you at all, colby that children do not rock up as toxic adults. You know, there is a trajectory, there is a story, and the way in which the the story has been told is, it’s, an absolutely outlier case. This does not happen in general day-to-day practice, however, we’re back to that blame, shame, scare, shock and all in which parents are now frightened uh, maybe my child is a potential killer. Maybe my child well, that is true of everybody who lives on the planet.

Cath: 39:03

We are all one. I think the way to to phrase this is probably we’re all one fight away from being um a dangerous person, and that for anybody who’s interested. Actually, there is a book called ordinary men. It is not a very nice, uh gentle, read. It’s about, um, how, how behaviors happen in nazi germany, how ordinary men became these killers, and that’s the thing about the human psyche. We are all one error away from a lifetime sentence in prison, for example, and what it has done, certainly, is bring to the surface conversations that we need to have about children, about boys, but the social media influence wasn’t discussed enough.

Cath: 39:51

For it to make sense in the program. I can say with absolute certainty not all boys who watch pornography turn out to be killers. Not all boys who watch pornography turn out to be sex addicts. Not all boys, not all boys, not all occasions, not all situations and the reason I say that is because I’ve worked with a number of them for 15 years. This is not a I’m not throwing this out to defend the program. This is based in a long time of being a clinical practitioner.

Cath: 40:24

What the program has effectively said is porn, social media gaming and being out of the sight of parents is the thing that caused the problem, and what I’m not seeing being discussed is really what it was like for a young boy to not get on with his father in that way. There was no discussion about how he got on with his mother. There was certainly a lot of shame, a lot of parental conflict, a lot of um, uh like parental uh modeling in terms of the way the father behaved. That that was completely missed and that’s the bit that we haven’t focused on. And yet again, I don’t need to say this to you when you go back and look at attachment processes of children who end up in criminal justice systems. There is always that child to parent neglectful or abusive attachment process underneath it all. What we have done is we found the common enemy to point towards. It’s social media, it’s pornography, it’s gaming are job done. Wash our hands of it, make it go away.

Colby: 41:27

And certain speakers in the so-called manosphere. So yeah, very interesting points that you make passionately, kath. I think it’s just yet another example of an inherent need is not the right word for it but an inherent focus on the behaviour of concern and a lack of consideration of the reasons those behaviours exist.

Cath: 42:06

And Daniel Kahneman would be, or is probably rolling in his grave, as the phrase goes. Because if ever there was a situation that absolutely played out type one and type two errors, as he called them, uh in in terms of the errors of misjudgment, the errors of speedily uh making a decision based on intuition, that is not true. This is it.

Colby: 42:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep, it’s been my own reflections that we’re missing the point really in our society, or community’s concern about young boys, or community’s concern about young boys. We’re missing the point by creating labels, by concern about the online presence of certain people. The point that we’re missing is consideration of the experience of our boys growing up.Cath: 43:11

Absolutely absolutely.

Colby: 43:15

And, for example, why they’re turning to connections, connection on the internet, to help them to understand who they are as a male person. And you said something earlier which I think will resonate, which is that young people seek in the online world that which they’re missing in the real world, so to speak. I mean, the online world is the real world, but you know what I mean? Yeah, so if our boys are attracted to or consuming a certain type of content, then we really need to be looking at well what’s actually going on with our boys in terms of their connections in the real world, in the non-online world.

Cath: 44:19

Yeah. So there’s two little points that I want to dip into here. One is early childhood experiences of everybody’s equal, and I’ll come to that one in a second. But if you look at the internet writ large and how these podcasts occur and take place, what I would say is we are getting a cocktail phenomena, and the screenwriter and the conversation about Andrew Tate is quite minimal. So what I’ll say is you get what I have colloquially called the bro science podcasts.

Cath: 44:52

Ok, it’s a number of podcasts of adults talking to adults, and some of those podcasts are Jordan Peterson, they are Joe Rogan you know some of the biggest podcasts in the world and it’s adults talking to adults about adult sexual behavior. And in that space is where Andrew Tate lives. I’ve mentioned him, and Andrew Tate’s audience is not 13 and 14 year old boys, because he can’t sell to them. Because he can’t sell to them and whilst he operates in what I call the porn industry approach, which is customer of tomorrow, his audience are people who are putting money into his wallet, and that audience are young males, usually around 18 plus the males that are consuming the Jordan Peterson and Joe and joe rogan uh, content tend to be a little bit older, and what happens is then there is a conversation that takes place between the adults who are on the podcast and the adults consuming the content, and then we have the slightly younger adults who are regurgitating and having the conversations, without necessarily having that level of understanding that maybe Jordan well, jordan Peterson is his own uh, his, his own uh monarchy in his own right anyway, but there is something about an 18 year old young male who might be saying the same things using the same language that’s picked up by a younger sibling, by younger boys who hear it being talked about, I don’t know, when they’re on the football or rugby field, and what I find is the 9, 10, 11, 12 and 13-year-olds are using phrases that they don’t even understand.

Cath: 46:39

And if I was to ask them do you understand the 80-20 rule which was cited in the programme? They don’t know what it means. The 80-20 rule, which was cited in the program, they don’t know what it means and they certainly do not have an understanding about this uh incel movement, which I find kind of interesting because all 13 year olds, in most cases, are not having sex.

Cath: 47:00

They’re not in those kind of relationships, so by default, they are not involuntary celibate. They are celibate by the very fact that they haven’t developmentally progressed to where they are having sexual contact at 16, 17, 18, 19. And it’s this I would certainly say go and have a look at William Costello’s reflection on the incel movement, because the way in which this was portrayed in the program is, as I keep saying, an outlier. This is really really unusual and not the norm. And then, of course, I think to answer the question about why do boys do this and I’m actually going to throw it back as a question to you in a second is when my, when my children so that I’ve raised boys okay, when they were in primary school in the early 2000s, going into the 2010 and onwards, there was a whole approach of everybody’s a winner. There wasn’t on sports days, we all do it together and we all get a certificate. And I I challenged this at the school and I said where is the element of competition which exists naturally in evolution, where? Where is the competition between children racing each other in the egg and spoon race? Because you have to handle disappointment. So I took my children into martial arts. That was the first thing I did, because you learn by losing in martial arts and that is how you develop an ability to understand where you sit in terms of society, in terms of where you sit with your skill set, but also how you can handle disappointment and how you can handle victory and what.

Cath: 48:42

What I, what I have seen is this certainly the 20 plus the 20 to 30 year age group are that cohort of children who did not get the competition during school. I certainly remember my schooling days where your grades were read out in front of every other child. Oh, my goodness, it was heartbreaking If you didn’t you know, if you didn’t get your high score or if you were a low score. Actually, what we tend to do is we grade the children into classes and the top set, as they’re called certainly here is the way they say well, we’re top set, so we know by default we’re much cleverer than the lower set or the common denominator, and that is a normative part of adolescence, that is a normative part of growing up, and that’s actually what happened in the adolescence movie is there was a child who was given a statement. He was called an incel by the emoji. He was called it as an insult and my question would be about that TV program is where did it address who helped that young person manage that approach of being bullied, of being called names, of having disappointment around his father, of the non-victory status?

Cath: 50:01

So my question to you then, colby, would be so what? How do I phrase this? So what is it that we’re we’re not doing? And the reason I’m asking you is because you are a man and I am not. I have lived, uh, in environments, certainly within the army, where there’s a lot of male uh or masculinity and a lot of male attitudes, and I’ve raised two boys, but I, I am not a male, so I cannot talk from that perspective. What do you think we’re not doing? We’re not getting right.

Colby: 50:35

So usually this is the last part of the podcast, Kath, and where I acknowledge that I’ve asked a number of questions and it’s your turn to ask me a question and I actually do that routinely in my practice when I’ve asked people a lot of questions.

Colby: 50:57

And, as I’ve said on a previous podcast, all the kids ask me how old I am. That’s their question, which I give them a somewhat vague answer to. Now, what are we not doing for our boys? I think to answer your question would probably take the time of another of our podcasts, but where does one start? Look, I think we’re failing our boys in so many ways.

Colby: 51:42

As a general opening statement, I think that in our society my wife and I often talk about having three boys of our own we’re worried about the way society is going to be for them. For them, I think society has moved to one, to a place of accountability. So men need to be accountable for some of the problematic behaviours that do exist in our society. Men need to understand, for example, the dynamics of intimate partner violence, of intimate partner violence and consent in sexual matters. Our young men need to know all that, but our young men need. We’re not proud. I don’t think we’re proud of our young men as a society.

Colby: 53:12

I think where we’re failing them is that the messages are too much focused, a bit like what you’ve been talking about, not so much outliers, because the rates of domestic or intimate partner violence in our communities, for example, are not insignificant, so I wouldn’t necessarily call it an outlier. It is a significant problem in our community. However, not all men you know the vast majority of men are not perpetrators of intimate partner violence, are not perpetrators of problematic sexual behaviour towards their partners, and I don’t think our boys get that message that we, that they, they get the message that we’re worried about them, we’re worried about their capacity to do harm. Um, they don’t get us get the message so much that we’re, we’re, we’re proud of their achievements, that we’re even proud of differences between what a person, what a male gendered person, can contribute in all aspects of society, and celebrating the distinctions between masculinity and femininity. Sorry, kath, you did ask a question. It could be a very long answer.

Cath: 54:53

It’s a complicated question. It is. I guess it’s like everything else, nuanced. It is very nuanced, multi-faceted.

Colby: 55:04

I think so. If I really would sum it up, it was a question without notice, but that’s okay. Because I love questions, I always promise I’m being able to answer any question put to me. I would put it like this Our boys are exposed from a relatively young age to a lot of concern about masculinity. As such, perhaps yeah.

Colby: 55:38

I think masculinity has become conflated with issues like intimate partner violence and sexual violence, and so the message that they have been given is that to be a man is to be a problem. To be masculine is a problem.

Cath: 56:04

Yeah, absolutely yeah.

Colby: 56:07

The problem with that is that is what we know from attachment, which is if you marginalise people, if you make people feel marginalised in society, in community, then normal social rules and mores the expectations of others have less influence over how they go about approaching life and relationships.

Colby: 56:42

Yeah, yeah yeah, they withdraw psychologically as a defence against being shamed. So I think, to sum up my broader views about this topic, I would say, to the extent that we have marginalized males or made them feel bad and inadequate, or the behavior of a proportion of males, we have in fact contributed to an outcome where we will continue to see problematic behaviours amongst males in our community and we may even see growth in those behaviours of concern in circumstances where the people who are calling out the behaviour would say, well, no, that’s not our intent. Our intent is actually to promote accountability and informed reflection by men about the harms they could potentially commit, so that they can approach life in a much more self-aware way and not commit problematic behaviours. And my concern would be that you’ll never get to that point if you start from a place of it’s a problem being male.

Cath: 58:19

You start from a place of it’s a problem being male. I might change one word in that, because the thing that I found, colby, is it’s you’re the problem. So it’s not being a male is a problem, it’s you are the problem. And for me, that’s to reflect something that a child said in my office and I’ve said this out on social media a number of times I, I don’t want to uh. He was asking a question actually about uh approaching a woman and said I’m not going to bother because I don’t want to be called a rapist.

Cath: 58:50

And I went wow, if that’s the attitude and that’s the fear that young males are holding and and some of it will be conscious and some of it will be unconscious if that’s what we have done as a society is create this feeling that you are the problem, it is no wonder that there is a retaliatory uh um response at the moment, because I think and I’m going to quote my friend here, actually, who I’m going to suggest you talk to at some point as well Lisa Edison, who’s created shame containment theory and she talks about shame. Containment is all about you contain your shame. Shame seeps out and it comes out as rage and it comes out as aggression and it comes out. And if we are continually pointing the finger that you, being male, are the problem, then this contained shame is going to be uncontained and uncontained shame. Is that really primal aggression that comes from a place of well I might as well, anyway, if that’s your and it’s kind of people’s opinions, isn’t it, I guess?

Colby: 1:00:03

And it’s the well, it’s like, almost like the dogs in Seligman’s helplessness experiments.

Colby: 1:00:13

Yeah, if I’m damned if I do, and I’m damned if I don’t, then I might as well just do what I want to do, rather than um do what I want to do, in consideration of how society um thinks about what you want to do, and so I think so that yeah again, not to not to be meaning to be repetitive um and, by the way, I’m always interested in suggestions for interesting people to speak to address here are um are likely to be maintained or even worsened in in circumstances where it is a shame to be male I I’m I’m feeling incredibly sad deep down at the moment as we’re talking about this.

Cath: 1:01:21

I really really feel incredibly sad for the men who are emerging and the males yet to be men. I really worry in terms of, absolutely, we need to address violent behaviour, but also we need to understand where violent behaviour comes from, and I think what we have done is what I call the finger-pointing exercise, and it has never worked in society, and I just wanted to acknowledge, on behalf of those men, I feel incredibly sad that we have done this, yeah, and we society.

Colby: 1:01:54

So I think, if we just bring together a number of threads of our conversation, it is the case that when a problem arises, our society tends to focus too much on the behaviour of concern and too little on the reasons why those behaviours exist, yeah, yeah.

Colby: 1:02:20

And that inordinate focus on the behaviour of concern would, in my view, maintain and perhaps exacerbate the behaviour or increase the Now I’m starting to lose my words, Kath Increase the prevalence of the behaviour? Mm-hmm. Yeah, so the very response is a significant part of the problem. Kath, it’s been awesome to speak to you. There’s been so many things that have come out of this conversation that I hope are thought-provoking for people. People can contact you, I guess, via your website.

Cath: 1:03:28

Yeah, probably the easiest way to find out where I am is on TikTok, Instagram.

Cath: 1:03:34

I am on Facebook, but I would certainly say that it’s it’s more of the social media channels and it isn’t always me who’s on the social media channels, because we we put out, because I’m now doing um, I think it’s called micro influencer, because I’m putting out helpful videos for parents um, a lot of it is pre-record, then it gets shared on particular days and times and at the moment I’m doing another blog around, really around this pornography conversation, because I think we also get that one completely wrong. So I once heard a professional say why is porn so horrid? And I thought when did research become values-based Rather than looking at yeah, so people can find you on those mediums that you’ve mentioned.

Colby: 1:04:25

I know that you also have a website, because I was on it earlier, yep, and you’ve got a book coming out which sounds fascinating and I can’t wait to read it myself. So thank you very much for agreeing to be on this fledgling podcast. Thank, you.

Cath: 1:04:45

It was a good conversation. There are things where I was like I don’t think I’ve covered that. I don’t think I’ve covered that I need to do something separate there. But that always happens. So thank you very much, colby.Colby: 1:04:56

No worries.

Navigating Trauma Through Reflective Practice with Dr. Nicola O’Sullivan

Emotional wellbeing in child protection

The intersection of personal experience and professional practice in child protection work stands as one of the most compelling yet under-explored areas in social care. Dr Nicola O’Sullivan’s conversation with Colby Pearce in this Secure Start podcast episode offers profound insights into this territory, illuminating how our personal histories shape our professional approaches – sometimes without our awareness.

Nicola speaks candidly about her own journey, acknowledging that her early experiences of familial and medical trauma unconsciously drove her toward caregiving roles. This unconscious motivation initially created blind spots in her practice, something many practitioners might recognise in themselves. As she eloquently puts it, “I wasn’t so aware of the connection between my life experience and my finding myself in a caretaking role, and so this often got in the way of me being effective in my work.” This level of honesty opens up vital conversations about what truly draws people to helping professions and how unacknowledged motivations might impact service delivery.

The concept of defensive processes emerges as a central theme throughout their discussion. Rather than viewing psychological defences as obstacles to be eliminated, Nicola offers a refreshingly nuanced perspective: “Please don’t drop your defences. You need them until we have something that might offer something better or something different.” This compassionate stance acknowledges that defences serve important protective functions, particularly in high-stress environments like child protection where workers regularly encounter profound trauma. The key, Nicola suggests, is not elimination but awareness – understanding our defensive processes and recognising when they might be interfering with effective practice.

Perhaps most valuable is Nicola’s exploration of systems psychodynamic theory as a framework for understanding organisational dynamics in social care settings. This interdisciplinary approach integrates psychoanalysis, group relations theories, and open systems perspectives to illuminate what happens beneath the surface in helping organisations. By paying attention to unconscious processes, power dynamics, and institutional defences, practitioners can better understand why certain patterns persist despite best intentions. As Nicola explains, this approach helps us track “processes in the work between workers and between workers and families and workers and organisations.”

The discussion around supervision proves particularly relevant for anyone working in trauma-exposed settings. Nicola advocates for supervision that acknowledges the intersection between personal experience, professional role, and the work itself. Good supervision, she argues, requires a clear model (she uses the Seven-Eyed Model), regular meetings, safety, and attention to both professional development and personal experience. Most importantly, supervision creates a containing space where practitioners can process difficult emotions rather than avoiding them – a critical point when we consider that avoidance only increases anxiety over time.

For those new to the field, Nicola offers wisdom that resonates deeply: “Go gently, try not to feel so much shame about your own history, and find people who are wise and kind and open and curious and uncertain.” This advice acknowledges both the vulnerability and strength inherent in bringing our whole selves to this challenging work. By privileging learning from experience over theoretical knowledge and finding generous, experienced practitioners as mentors, new workers can develop the self-awareness necessary for sustained, effective practice in child protection and social care.

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About Nicola

Nicola is a Lecturer, Clinical Supervisor and Social Care Consultant, and has worked with children and families in community and residential settings for 24 years.

Nicola’s work has included overseeing the provision of residential and community-based services to children and families involved in child protective services.

Nicola also works intensively with foster carers to support their provision of care to children and young people. Over a five-year period Nicola studied at the Tavistock and Portman Trust NHS, London. There she completed a Professional Doctorate in Social Care and Emotional Wellbeing.

Nicola completed post graduate training in clinical supervision in 2021 at Dublin City University (DCU). She provides therapeutic support to Sexual Assault Unit Teams across Ireland in the form of professional therapeutic reflective practice spaces to frontline practitioners.

Nicola consults to senior managers in organisations nationally and internationally, and provides individual and group supervision to social workers, social care workers, forensic teams, and frontline workers at all levels in community and hospital settings.

Nicola works clinically in frontline practice with foster families.

Related Podcast Interviews:

Tom Ellison

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Lynne Peyton

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Transcript:

Colby: 0:00

Welcome to the Secure Start podcast.

Nicola: 0:03

I know about my motivations, I’m aware I’m kind of watching out and I have the right support in place. One of the things I’ve come to understand is that you know often the intensity of the work that people do and the strength of emotion associated with that work can disrupt people’s capacity to think, and emotions can be so intense and disturbing and unbearable that me and other people that do work we develop defensive processes to deal with the emotions, and so I’m always quite careful about.

Nicola: 0:35

It’s not my job ever to go in and say get rid of these and here’s a better way. What I hope that I can offer is a safe, consistent frame in which we can make sense of the work.

Colby: 0:47

So welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is a respected member of the child protection and social care community in Ireland. Before I introduce my guests, I’d like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that I’m meeting on, the Kaurna people, and the continuing connection they, and all Aboriginal people, feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. My guest this episode is Dr Nicola O’Sullivan. Nicola is a lecturer, clinical supervisor and social care consultant and has worked with children and families in community and residential settings for 24 years. Nicola’s work has included overseeing the provision of residential and community-based services to children and families involved in child protective services. Nicola also works intensively with foster carers to support their delivery of care to children and young people in need.

Colby: 1:58

Over a five-year period, nicola studied at the Tavistock and Portman Trust NHS in London. There she completed a professional doctorate in social care and emotional wellbeing. Nicola also completed postgraduate training in clinical supervision in 2021 at Dublin City University. She provides therapeutic support to sexual assault teams across Ireland in the form of professional reflective practice spaces for frontline workers. Nicola consults to senior managers in organisations nationally and internationally and provides individual and group supervision to social workers, social care workers, forensic teams and frontline workers at all levels of community and hospital settings. Teams and frontline workers at all levels of community and hospital settings. Nicola works clinically in frontline practice with foster families. Nicola has a special interest in wellbeing, racism and emotional and relational health in health and social care settings. Nicola is a visiting lecturer at Trinity College Dublin, munster Technological University, cork and the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust. Welcome Nicola.

Nicola: 3:14

Thank you, Colby. A bit nervous after all that.

Colby: 3:20

That’s OK. Hopefully we can put you at ease once we start getting into it and talking. Now I just was going to let you know that I introduced myself as living and working and coming to this meeting on Kaurna land, and Kaurna are the local Aboriginal people of the Adelaide Plains where I live here in South Australia, and this is something that we customarily do when we meet and it is really a show of respect to the local Aboriginal people and Aboriginal people in Australia more generally, acknowledging the 40,000 to 60,000 year history of Aboriginal settlement in Australia. Thank you, so the podcast is a little bit of a mixture of kind of getting to know you a bit, better questions and then more direct questions about your work. So I guess the first question that I was interested to ask you, Nicola, and thank you very much for coming on the podcast probably should have said that a little while ago, but the very first question I wanted to ask is how did you come to be pursuing this path in your work?

Nicola: 4:45

How did you come to be pursuing this path in your work? Thank you so much for having me. First of all, it’s nice to be here. Well, I suppose it’s a long story, but the short version. I did experience trauma as a young child, both familial trauma and serious medical trauma. Unlike some of my colleagues in this field, I have chosen not to speak about it in great detail in public, because of my work mostly, but I suppose both of those experiences shaped my drive to care and pushed me towards, initially, the path of a residential care setting, childcare setting.

Nicola: 5:21

Yes, I’ve been driven since leaving secondary school without a very good education because of acute illness, to study and progress, and I think I measured myself against that, and at my most vulnerable I probably still do so. This was my unconscious driver. I wanted to be known as Nicola, the intelligent student, the hard worker. Clever Nicola instead of poor Nicola, did you hear about her, but I have to say Colby. Clever Nicola instead of poor Nicola, did you hear about her, but I have to say Colby. I wasn’t so aware of the connection between my life experience and my finding myself in a caretaking role, and so this often got in the way of me being effective in my work.

Nicola: 5:58

And it reminds me of a paper actually by Vega Roberts called the Self-Assigned Impossible Task. And it reminds me of a paper actually by Vega Roberts called the Self-Assigned Impossible Task.

Nicola: 6:05

She talks about the idea that you know me and maybe most of us are attracted to kind of working in particular settings because they offer occasions to work through kind of unresolved personal issues.

Nicola: 6:19

And I suppose if we, if we take it that that’s correct, then practitioners like me with similar internal needs find themselves in similar health care settings and I think that the needs that we bring kind of interact with the needs that the families bring and but that but there’s a problem with that and I think there was a problem with that for me.

Nicola: 6:40

You know, to understand children and families, I needed to have some empathy and to be trying to consider the young person’s experience. But if that pain I think in my case and in others perhaps closely resembles the workers own pain, so if the pain in the child closely resembles the workers own pain and conflicted past experiences, then their experiences at work may constantly threaten their capacity. And so that’s that, that was my sort of experience. So I think it was of great importance, you know, for me to have some insight into my reasons for choosing the role and setting, and for me that was a kind of a key factor in my work and one that I didn’t come about to thinking about until about 11 years into my work so, in continuing in kind of blind sort of pursuit in the health and social care field, I arrived at the Tavistock in 2012, immediately after completing a master’s in child protection that previous June, on a mission, kind of to get a PhD.

Nicola: 7:42

I wasn’t really thinking about what it might mean to travel to England to do this.

Nicola: 7:46

I didn’t think about the Tavistock, what this place came to mean to me. It was interesting because all of my learning really has involved a kind of combination of attending college and working full time. And actually I remember speaking on the phone to the course professor, the late Andrew Cooper, and he said to me you know, nicola, this is a very different type of learning, you know involve a lot of thinking and reflection. And I said thoughtlessly yeah, that’s fine with me, and I just signed up and so I began the professional doctorate journey and I suppose that was life changing journey and I suppose that was life-changing.

Nicola: 8:27

Um, I brought with me, to be honest, a lot of kind of unconscious items, you know, early, early kind of experiences. Um, I suppose I brought my role as a mother, my grief and loss as a daughter, my working in a former mother and baby home in Ireland and my lack of thinking about that and I guess I managed those hidden thoughts and anxieties but they did manifest in an overconfidence and a motivation to work hard and get out of that place as quickly as possible, without anyone really seeing me at my most vulnerable.

Nicola: 8:53

Um, yeah, but I suppose despite that, I met some very patient doctoral supervisors who who gently and very kind of tactfully, you know um, supported me to get to know that part of myself and I suppose I’m telling you all this because that kind of teaching and learning experience is quite unique and it allowed me to look at myself in many ways and to kind of get to grips with myself, um, and I would say that it has brought me safely to my current path. So I feel like a kind of a more solid, safe practitioner because of that experience. I know about my motivations, I’m aware I’m kind of watching out and I have the right support in place, um, and I think it’s so necessary when we move into this working space with other humans, um, that we, that we have those kind of pieces of ourselves somewhat intact. You know, um, but I have to say that if I knew what was going to happen in that journey in the tab of stock, I probably wouldn’t have gone okay, really yeah yeah, because I suppose it was painful.

Nicola: 10:01

It was a painful journey. I learned things that I didn’t really want to know.

Colby: 10:07

It’s interesting I have. There’s two kind of threads that I’m picking up or that I’m reflecting on as you talk about that. One is that certainly research has indicated that the helping professions do attract people disproportionately who have experienced their own early adversity growing up. The other thing that strikes me about what you’re talking about is, in this space, in the child protection and out-of-home care or more broadly, the child welfare space, there is a definite need for practitioners to be self-aware, and that process, I guess, of self-awareness, as you’ve beautifully described it, can be a painful one and one that is defended against, I guess, to the detriment of practice potentially. Yeah, and you’ve mentioned there were people that you studied under, academics that you worked with. Were there any particular professional influences that you look back on and think that they’ve really made a positive contribution to your work and the direction that you’ve taken?

Nicola: 11:37

Yeah, I mean, I think most definitely and I suppose probably my doctoral supervisors, dr Tim Dartington and Professor Andrew Cooper, and for the very reasons I spoke to you know to you about moments ago, and I suppose Andrew in particular passed in 2023. And I was a student of Andrew’s and of the professional doctorate in social care and social work and when I met him in 2012, I’d never heard of him, I’d never read any of his work and I would say I arrived from Ireland as a as a sort of a younger woman who was quite watchful, elusive and quite a complex human being, and I was very preoccupied with kind of wanting a student card, a timetable and all the other things to sort of legitimize my role and so gain some control in the environment. But I have to say that Andrew’s response was very kind, very gentle and kind of full of a type of compassion that I valued but, also found challenging.

Nicola: 12:36

I thoroughly enjoyed his writing. He wrote a beautiful paper called Hearing the Bluebirds Sing.

Nicola: 12:43

And he said that he chose to become a social worker himself as a way of continuing to try and heal his whole family and to continue his parents work of healing and sustaining communities, and for me, the idea that one would find themselves in this work at that point because of their own personal experiences, particularly in the family system, was, believe it or not, a brand new idea to me. And Andrew and Tim in particular, I, I think, stayed the pace with me and they very sort of gently um, as I said earlier sort of sort of helped me to to come to see some of my own experiences and to see, I think, what I bring with me now to my work is they saw my strategies, you know my defensive strategies that you spoke about as Ways of being creative, and they appreciated them. So often now in my work, I bring, I bring these ideas. I’ll say things to parents, as you know, like please don’t drop, please don’t lose your defenses. You need them, you know, and it’s very important that they’re intact until we have something that might offer something better or something different. So, and I think you know, it continues to be a kind of an unknown thought to many social workers that I work with today and social care workers, and this idea of what brings them to the work, their kind of drive and something that they sometimes discover in the process of work discussion groups that I facilitate with them.

Nicola: 14:09

And the other key point I think that I learned from some of this work is the idea, a kind of a deep understanding of the idea of using ourselves as a resource in the direct work with service users and what does it mean, and the idea that it’s a sort of an embodied thing, if you like, and and the need for us, I think, as practitioners, to attune to the flow of the emotional transactions between ourselves and our service users and colleagues which I think are constantly occurring kind of underneath the surface of the relationships, whether we kind of recognize them or not.

Nicola: 14:45

And that form of experiential learning has influenced me hugely and inspired my research study with child protection social workers at the time.

Nicola: 14:53

Um, I think the idea of psychoanalytic theory, um, because I was at the tavistock um helped me, I think, to understand more about interactions and relationships. I came to understand my own Irish culture, the painful history of childhood in Ireland, the chronic treatment of women, especially unmarried mothers and babies, my parents and grandparents, history and their painful experiences, and I suppose I was confronted with my own ignorance about history and so I think I bring that to to the work that really influenced me respecting history, and it’s interesting how you introduce the podcast and I suppose I have a much greater appreciation for what came before us and I didn’t quite kind of have that, you know, kind of have that you know. Currently, I would say that I’ve enjoyed thoroughly learning about supervision and having completed training in 2021 and to supplement my doctoral research and on reflective practice, and I have to say I love the writing and work of Dr Aisling McMahon, especially a beautiful paper she wrote on reflective touchstones that foster supervisor humility. I love this idea and I think something else you know in thinking about this is that I’ve that, I have to say, is my journey in learning about racism and anti-racist practices and anti-racist supervision practices, about racism and anti-racist practices and anti-racist supervision practices, and that that kind of learning has been influenced by a lot of people, but especially Dr Amina Adan, ngozi Cadmus and others, and I feel like I’m on a steep learning journey about my whiteness and my privilege and my own racism, and and I’d say that’s a project that’s kind of ongoing and it’s deeply challenging but it’s necessary. I love Ngozi’s TED talk and her sharing of information on LinkedIn. I think it’s super important for us white professionals. We have a responsibility to consider it and to think about it in our own position in society. So that’s ongoing and then kind of finally, I suppose, suppose, without breaking the confidence of you know one or two of the foster families I work with. I work with a relative foster family at the moment and, to be honest, I really I very much appreciate their honesty with me. You know they tell me what I do, what I say. That really bothers them. They tell me when I get it wrong and I’m really challenged to notice the ways that I what I say isn’t helpful and also the power, kind of, in my words.

Nicola: 17:27

So a lot I suppose you know there’s a lot that’s influenced me kind of historically and very present, you know, in the present day.

Colby: 17:37

I remember, as I was listening to you speak, I remember an idea that I had very early in my career and which ran counter to my professional training as a clinical psychologist, and the first place I chose to articulate that idea was at a job interview with our local child protection service, and I can’t remember the question, but the answer that I gave was one about. I think the question must have been about managing the emotional load of the work or something similar to the work that we do. So all of my training was about being objective and having a professional distance from our client, and I didn’t find that to be helpful in the least. That idea Well, not particularly helpful. I, very early on, cottoned on that. It was our own reaction, our own emotional reaction to our clients was a significant resource and it’s actually proven to be a massive resource because in my work it’s helped me to be able to express in my words, in my ideas, in my writing, a deep understanding and empathy of the children and young people and adult stakeholders in their life. And I also the other thing that when you were talking about your university supervisors and I don’t want to go too much into it, but I thought it reminded me of the therapeutic relationship, at least as I see it, which is one of a gradual exposure to connection contained in a sensitive, responsive and understanding growing environment.

Colby: 20:06

And um, I think you may well have seen the podcast that I did uh with john whitwell a couple of weeks ago, where he talks about um winnicott’s idea of the growing environment. Well, he, john, was talking about the growing environment. I have a very similar metaphor that I use, but talking about Winnicott’s ideas that the growth is in the child. It just needs and you could extend that to the growth is in the person. They just need the right environment and that, in a sense, is a large part of our job.

Nicola: 20:44

Yeah, I mean, that certainly rings true for me. That’s how it felt. You know, it felt containing, it felt like a holding environment.

Colby: 20:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I read your paper a week ago that I’d asked you to send through to me a little while ago when it came out. It was very interesting and I could see, obviously, the psychoanalytic influences in your work. And in your paper you refer to psychodynamic systems theory, which was new to me for some reason. I hadn’t seen it expressed like that. But I wonder if you would mind, at least for my own edification, if not for others who may listen to this podcast explaining in your words what psychodynamic systems theory is, and I’m hoping I’ve got that the right way around.

Nicola: 21:44

Yeah, systems psychodynamic theory, yeah, yeah, um, yeah, I mean I suppose it’s not the only model that influences my work.

Nicola: 21:54

So just to say that, and I think that, um, I find myself kind of constantly moving between like up close, being very close to people and their experiences, and so so, in that way, I’m very interested in the attachment literature, you know, or your area of expertise, and I think that I’ve always been interested in stories.

Nicola: 22:17

So I love the story of John Bowlby and I love what drove his motivation, you know what drove him to write about separation, and I think that kind of speaks to my love and very deep interested in people’s experiences. And I think that human stories are vital in imparting key clinical messages about human development across the lifespan. But I also see that human stories help us to understand in a broader and deeper way the institutional spaces and the practices within them. So, um, so I’m interested in the up close and personal and here’s where I think attachment theory is helpful, of course. But I also find myself moving out again more broadly and connecting um with the kind of systems and society in which we work and live, and so that sparks my interest in systems psychodynamic theory.

Colby: 23:06

It’s an.

Nicola: 23:07

It’s an interdisciplinary field that kind of looks at that integrates three disciplines the practice of psychoanalysis, the theories and methods of group relations, so the ideas of group, group work, groups, and open systems perspective, so the idea of the, the unit as a system.

Nicola: 23:24

And I think for me me it provides a way of thinking about kind of the energizing or motivating forces resulting from the kind of interconnection between various groups and subunits of a social system. And so practically I think I’m interested in connections and interactions and also what happens beneath the surface, especially what drives people and what are the parts of the organization that function to block connection. And I think that psychodynamic theories can be very useful in helping us to understand organizational processes. I think they can be helpful in understanding, helping us to understand the roles people take up and the tasks associated with those roles. So system psychodynamic offers us quite a lot to kind of hook into and sort of helps us to sort of unpack things.

Nicola: 24:12

And, um, it brings together for me I mean maybe other people who are, who are much more, um, you know, learned on system psychodynamic theory will have other things to say but for me I think it brings together the person, the organization, the group, us as group cute group animals if you like and the roles we take and the tasks associated with those roles. And I think we often use psychoanalytic theory in ordinary health and social care practice. You know, for example, we often refer to parallel process, transitional objects, transference and counter transference, projection, and I’d like to think that I work hard to bring these ideas kind of out of the clouds, so to speak.

Colby: 24:52

You know, try and helpfully track processes in the work between workers and between workers and families and workers and kind of organizations yeah, it’s interesting listening to you to talk about it because it’s it’s my thought really goes to the relationship between psychodynamic process and trauma-informed practice, the process of really looking into people’s deeper motivations or their inner world and how that is influencing or impacting the way in which they approach life and relationships. So, yeah, there’s very much an alignment between the practice of practising from a psychodynamic point of view and I have a saying about trauma-informed practice which is goes along the lines that it’s it’s less about developing strategies to address behaviors of concern and more about understanding and responding to the reasons for those behaviors, and so I think there’s very much that alignment between the two.

Nicola: 26:18

I think as well, though, as I’m thinking.

Nicola: 26:21

You know, what I feel is important to say, too, is I feel kind of deeply aware and sort of deeply motivated to not to be careful about how we use these kind of theories, and you know, I think about my own experience and had Andrew and Tim sort of Sort of pounced on me with all of these theories and sort of you know showed, showed me my defenses much too quickly and ran off, you know. And so I do think about the pace of this stuff, the gentleness and the respect with how we use the information that we have. And actually, you know, I feel a bit nervous sometimes about trauma-informed work that are we making sure that as practitioners we have appropriate supervision and actually paying as much attention to ourselves and our own processes as we are to the people that we work with? And I think for me.

Colby: 27:27

I’m always sort of keeping an eye on that. If you like, use the term dose and keep that concept very much alive in my mind, because the dose needs to be small and gradual and it needs to be contained within a, within a working relationship. So it was a, it was going to be a question without notice, but you but you’ve partly answered it because, as you were talking, I was thinking about the ethics of approaching this work and, in a sense, how do you describe the work to an organisation that would engage you, so that they are forewarned in a way or aware of what the work would look like?

Nicola: 28:27

Yeah, I mean, I guess it depends on the kind of work that’s happening.

Nicola: 28:32

I think I’m always thinking about being careful and being steady and I love, I love what you said about the doses in the right amount and in a contained environment with the relationship. I just love that and it speaks to me and one of the things I’ve come to understand is that you know. I’ve come to understand is that you know, um, often the intensity of the work that people do and the strength of emotion associated with that work can disrupt people’s capacity to think, and emotions can be so intense and disturbing and unbearable that me and other people that do work and we develop defensive processes to deal with the emotions. And so I’m always quite careful about.

Nicola: 29:15

It’s not my job ever to go in and say get rid of these and here’s a better way. I think what I hope that I can offer is a safe, consistent frame in which we can make sense of the work, and I do that with the support of my own supervisors, who are kind of keeping an eye on my blind spots and sort of watching my pace with the work. I think that’s very um important. I think the defensive processes in practice serve to protect workers and sometimes foster carers and children themselves. Um, and I think, from the workers point of view, if they did not have these defenses, they couldn’t endure the work. But the absence of understanding them and the need to kind of lower them when appropriate can disrupt practice.

Nicola: 30:02

And I suppose that’s what I’m interested in kind of thinking about very gently and very carefully, of course in the context of a relationship, and I think it’s very important to think as well that, um, you know, some people just don’t want to reflect, some people don’t want to do it and some people are not ready to do that. And I have to say, if I had gone to the tavistock five or six years earlier, I would be one of those people you know, and so I think, when we’re ready, sometimes we come to that and sometimes we don’t. And yeah, I’ll stop there.

Colby: 30:34

It’s such an interesting field and I think that self-awareness again we come back to the idea of self-awareness that we were talking about a little bit earlier and it’s not, as you say and I really like this it’s not about getting rid of your defences, it’s just being aware of them, and I probably have approached my career on a slightly different tack, but very much, I mean, it was memorable. Let me just say I didn’t get the job, by the way, but I think there are other factors at play there. But I’ve always found, as I said earlier, our own experience as being a very rich source of understanding of others. And, as you say, the work is difficult, the work is confronting.

Colby: 31:45

A lot of people go into child protection work with the intent, the idea and the intent that they’re going to help families and the intent that they’re going to help families and so what workers are required to do in terms of ensuring safety of children, it kind of well, it can run counter to the very reasons that they get involved. And you’re probably aware and this is where this you know very much there’s a lot of attention, at least here, being given to kind of moral fatigue, the idea of moral fatigue, the idea of working in an area and performing in a way that runs counter to your own values and those reasons why you entered the work. And yeah, you would need your defences, definitely in those circumstances. But what we don’t want is a situation where people stop thinking about what they’re doing Exactly and stop thinking about their own place in that dynamic.

Nicola: 32:56

Yeah, and I guess I think that’s where the use of some theory and also the use of kind of a good supervision or reflective practice model can help, if and when it can be taken up. And yeah, yeah.

Colby: 33:12

Yeah, so I guess. Just I don’t want to ask a question that kind of goes over some territory that we’ve already gone over, but are there any further comments that you would make about how you see reflective supervision practice, including perhaps from a range of theoretical stances, but particularly from the psychoanalytic systems one, are there any further comments that you would make about how that benefits people working in this space and ultimately the clients who they’re delivering a service to?

Nicola: 34:00

Yeah, I mean I think it’s important to say, first of all, you know that getting in touch with our emotional experiences at work and also having a sense of what’s just happened in a practice encounter, it does require capacity to kind of and stamina, and and it does require us to get in touch with and kind of stay in touch with some very difficult thoughts and emotions.

Nicola: 34:21

And in a paper that I wrote I’m not sure if this is the one you read, but with some social care workers I talk about this in much more detail. But essentially what I kind of suggest is that in moments of great distress, including survival and the bereavement of the kind that we’ve written about in this paper, in that paper it’s very hard to connect with experience, sense of it, and to trust another with that experience. And I think the workers capacity to engage with their own emotional experience is complicated by what Bion refers to as this idea of attacks on linking, and this is kind of the process that we use to destroy thoughts, thoughts and feelings associated with frightening experiences, and it incurs, it sort of usually occurs when the experience kind of severs the capacity of us to think about them and and that often happens with the death of a baby.

Colby: 35:13

Hmm.

Nicola: 35:14

And in that paper I speak about how, creating a space to think and to bring the work in written form and to sort of present the work to a gentle and welcoming and kind group where the focus is not on a solution but on deepening and expanding the practice experience. I think that can offer something Very therapeutic and safe. Yeah, and I think what I have found is that it can lead to a deeper understanding and meaning around the work.

Colby: 35:49

Yeah, yeah, it’s all right. I mean, I’m of uh, constructs or concepts that are um, that are floated around, I guess in the in the childhood trauma and and child and family welfare space, but one of them, um, is the idea of modelling the model, and I’ve been talking about it for a long time. I’m not sure if it’s in the first edition of my attachment book or not, but I’ve always been very much drawn to ensuring that my practice and the way in which I interact with people is very much aligned with how I want those people to then, in turn, interact with other people. So if we want people to interact with others with whom they’re working in a therapeutic way and establish a therapeutic alliance with them, in some senses the supervision arrangement that we have with them, or the supervisory relationship, is going to overlap with a therapeutic process, perhaps significantly.

Nicola: 37:12

Yeah, I think, to have a safe kind of space that’s kind and gently challenging um practitioner can bring their work and make sense of that work is priceless and and I I feel that it’s directly connected to the child’s and family’s experience, exactly exactly as you say.

Nicola: 37:29

Um, yeah, it’s very important, especially, I think right now I think we live in a left dominated brain, sort of a left.

Nicola: 37:39

Yeah, it’s very important, especially, I think Right now I think we live in a left dominated brain, sort of left brain dominated society where it’s all about tasks and procedures and processes and where there’s more opportunity to distance ourselves from children and families than ever before and we’re at risk of acting and staying out of touch with reality by discounting the reality of other people’s experiences and of our own experiences. And I think that the result of that is that the meaning of the work progressively becomes less clear and we find it very difficult to find reparative opportunities. And it’s these opportunities that fill our cup, that make us feel a bit better about the work and make us feel a bit better about ourselves in the work. So supervision and kind of safe reflective practice um is very important there and and good supervision in wilfred beyond’s terms and you’ve mentioned it, you mentioned earlier, mentioned it, you know, when we started is psychologically containing and and provide practitioners kind of solid support.

Colby: 38:36

Yeah, yeah, it’s interesting, isn’t it? When I think back over the supervision experiences I’ve had over the years, and especially in psychology in Australia I know it’s different in the UK and in Europe really moves quite significantly away from psychoanalytic thinking into other areas Now. So, nicola, I was wondering this is kind of bringing together a few questions and ones that I’ve given you notice of and perhaps not given you notice of, but bringing the threads together. I’m wondering if you were invited by an organisation to come in and offer or deliver supervision to staff, when you’re meeting with the individuals who are seeking to engage you, what would you say to them is, uh, the supervision approach you would take or recommend? What would it look like?

Nicola: 39:53

um, so it depends on the organization, of course, that goes without saying. Um, it depends on the context and the role and the task associated with with the job. But you know my sense. What I think I’d find myself saying is that supervision should be regular. It should occur in a safe space, whether it be online or in person. I believe it should happen with the supervisor has had some supervision training. I think it should include attention to the workers’ professional development, their personal experience and their working role and associated task. What I would say to workers I think this is really critical is that when we are at work, especially in the human services, we bring all that we are to that work.

Nicola: 40:36

And it’s to say that we leave our personal lives at the door and much research shows us that this just doesn’t happen, especially in the spaces when we’re working with trauma and we’re meeting people with similar, who look similarly to our own loved ones, who act similarly to our own loved ones children, nieces, nephews, parents, partners. But in supervision spaces, we are interested in the intersection between the work itself, your personal self and your professional role. Often supervisees will say to me you know, is this therapy? And here’s where a good supervision model is very important. And the supervisor’s own supervision, supervision, consultation is really important.

Nicola: 41:18

We have to keep our eye where it should be. We can’t be going off track and the model keeps us safe, safe and secure in that space. We are interested in the intersection between the personal and the professional and the work itself, and therapy for those of us who’ve had therapy focuses on us as a person, on our personal experience. Yes, of course the work might come into that, but you see, the main focus is on our own personal kind of emotional, psychological journey the supervisor if, of course, the personal experience often comes into the space, but the supervisor’s job is to focus on how and why it’s connected to the work.

Nicola: 41:59

And that’s where the supervision model is is really critical and supervision should be underpinned by a model that’s known very explicitly by the supervisor and the supervisee. Of course I personally use the seven eyes seven eye model by Peter Hawkins and I find that really helpful because it also places an eye on the context in which the supervision takes place. So you can see how this connects with my like for the system psychodynamic thinking. Of course I bring my own theories and influences, but the model keeps the supervision focused and really on track, in my view.

Colby: 42:41

It’s very interesting and I think what it really reinforces is that there is so much more to supervision than people generally perhaps think or expect supervision to be Listening to you. I think it’s very important, before you accept or get involved in supervision processes or a role sorry that there is preparatory work and ensuring that everyone understands their roles and what’s going to happen. And, interestingly, I’ve had said to me at the end of supervision sessions that that was very therapeutic, yeah, that that was very therapeutic, yeah. And when I’ve heard that said, I guess I have thought isn’t that interesting, that’s very interesting that that’s the person’s reaction to it, yeah, I think therapeutic process. So imbues my approach that even when I’m delivering supervision or even when I’m training, I guess there is that intent to hold people collectively in a safe and containing space and allowing that allows, in which they feel safe to connect and reflect.

Nicola: 44:26

And I I mean people pick that up, though. I mean I really like that and like people know that, don’t they? So when they’re saying you know that felt really therapeutic, I wonder I don’t they. So when they’re saying you know that felt really therapeutic, I wonder, I don’t know. But I wonder, is it that they’re saying I feel connected to, I feel safe, I feel heard, I feel seen and like that’s such a gift, isn’t it? You know, and one of the things that supervisees say in supervision, research is, of course, you. This will be familiar to us the the relationship matters, you know, that’s right. The alliance with the supervisor, that really matters.

Colby: 45:03

Yeah, so drawing together some more threads. One of the things that I notice in child protection is the we’ve talked about defences. In psychology, and particularly in psychologists who work with anxiety, we would refer to it as avoidance. There’s a lot of avoidance and in fact, there’s a lot of sanctioned avoidance avoidance so there are the safety actions and the safety behaviours that are engaged in.

Colby: 45:46

The child protection area is often driven by avoidance and I think, as clinical psychologists as I am, and in other professions as well, one of the psychology 101 things that we should know is that avoidance only makes people more anxious. Is that avoidance only makes people more anxious? And I reflect that back with you know, when people stop thinking about the work that they do because of the impact perhaps that it’s having on them, then they only become more anxious about the way that they do. If you subscribe to the theory, which has been well known for a very long time, that avoidance only compounds anxiety and that, as it is in the therapeutic relationship, but in the supervisory relationship, in the work that we do, it’s only through gently approaching the personal experience of the work, much the same way as how the most effective way of dealing with phobias. You don’t overcome phobias by avoiding them. You overcome them by I don’t know phobias by avoiding them, you overcome them by.

Nicola: 47:17

I don’t know. I’m afraid of spiders.

Colby: 47:21

So I would say when people say, well, what about spiders?

Colby: 47:24

And I would say, well, you’ll always be scared of spiders, but you can make the problem with a phobia the different. And look, I come from a country where everything is trying to kill you, remember, we’re not like we haven’t had some pat here. Um, we, you know, even in my garden now there is likely to be a brown snake, the the second most deadly snake in the world out there. The good news is they’re perhaps more scared of us than we are of them, although you know, some people find that hard to believe, I, whenever I see them, uh, they’re always heading away from me these days, um, but any, but yeah, so um.

Nicola: 48:09

I mean, one of the things I was just going to pick up on what you said there in terms of anxiety is, I think, one of the tasks for us, and especially now, I think, more than ever, anxiety, as I think one of the tasks for us, and especially now, I think, more than ever, is to understand the source of the anxiety. I think traditionally we we would often think about the source of the anxiety as being about being so close to child abuse and that we would call that kind of primary anxiety. We, you know, it’s just, it’s the anxiety about to do with the kind of task that we have A gorgeous paper written by, based on a study by Isabel Menzies back in the 1960s. She talks about the kind of primary anxiety associated with the task of nurses. I think now we have other forms of anxiety in, especially, social work and social care practice, and I think we it’s anxiety to do with being inspected. I do think we need to be inspected.

Colby: 48:56

Don’t get me wrong, but I think we it’s anxiety to do with being inspected.

Nicola: 48:57

I do think we need to be inspected, don’t get me wrong, but I think we have tipped. The balance is tipped and my concern is that we have workers who are more worried about if they’re inspected than worried about the family, and that kind of secondary anxiety is a should be a real concern for us, because what we see is that that is now organizing the behavior of the worker, and then the other piece that we have to be concerned about is the scapegoating Workers are very worried about. If something happens, in my case it’s going to be in the media. I am going to be persecuted and I’m going to be scapegoated, and we have lots of evidence of that. So for me, one of the questions would be where’s the source of the anxiety coming from? And for a lot of us it’s coming from above and below, and I think it’s a desperate place for them to be in. Often, um but that.

Nicola: 49:47

But that doesn’t mean that they’re not good at their job and also, for some of you know, for many of them, they enjoy it yeah, yeah, anxiety is um such a I.

Colby: 49:59

I think of anxiety as something that is potentially limiting and, to the extent that people are limiting, about the way in which we experience and approach life, relationships and roles. So, yeah, that anxiety that you refer to of being scapegoated is absolutely prevalent here in my local jurisdiction. Just from our conversation, I would anticipate it would be prevalent in many, if not most. But I would also I’d say one other thing just in a final point from my end about anxiety, which is that, like defences, anxiety is not something that we should be getting rid of. Everyone experiences anxiety. Anxiety can be quite a helpful emotion. As I say to my client group, it stops us from doing dumb things but put us at risk. So it’s a normal emotion. It’s a natural emotion, but when it’s a problem is when it impacts adversely on the way in which we would naturally, helpfully and as part of a good life approach. Yeah, life and relationships and roles. Yeah, life and relationships and roles. And if I was too anxious, of snakes, my garden would be a jungle and there would be more snakes

Colby: 51:52

living there, true. So we’ve had a lovely chat from my perspective and hopefully from yours too, nicola. But a couple of just final questions that I meld together.

Colby: 52:11

One of the reasons why I’m doing this podcast and selecting the people that I am to be on it is to kind of capture the wisdom of people who’ve been working in this space for decades often, and because I particularly reflect on new practitioners starting out in the field and their experience of the work, and also the client group and particularly the children and young people experience of them, the workers. So I’m wondering if there was any particular things or wisdom that you wish you knew and you’ve kind of touched on this a little bit earlier in the podcast If there is any advice that you would give to your younger self or any wisdom that you would give to your younger self and melding that into another question and that you would probably give to other professionals starting out in in this field I think I would say to myself, my younger self, you know to go, go gently, you know, try, try not to feel so much shame about your own history and find people who are wise and kind and open and curious and uncertain.

Nicola: 53:39

I find people who are generous with their and open and curious and uncertain. Find people who are generous with their own vulnerability, who will be able to meet you gently and carefully. And find those people, and I think I would also say to my younger self always be generous in your work, take risks, believe in your own sense of things and make use of that, your own internal sense of things, and make use of that. Um, for new practitioners, I think I would say find generous practitioners who are experienced and kind say beware of using professional social media platforms too much.Nicola: 54:12

They can potentially make you feel ill-equipped and we lose a sense of ourselves often when we scroll too much on these sites. And I would say privilege learning from experience over knowledge about something. And I would also say find a good supervisor. Ask them about their influences, like you’ve asked me this evening, and check what makes them tick. And don’t forget you can always change a supervisor, and actually having a supervisor for years and years might feel comfortable, but it might not necessarily be good so it’s good to to shift, shift about and change do you think that it’s not?

Colby: 54:54

it’s nice to be to have a supervisor who challenges us a bit.

Nicola: 55:01

Absolutely, absolutely, and I think it’s the role of a supervisor. Yeah, I think it shows interest.

Colby: 55:08

And as a therapist I think as well. Yeah, it shows interest In my own work with our children and young people who are deeply hurt in relationship. I see my role as one of challenging them a bit by gradually, gently exposing them to relational connection. That’s where growth comes, not just, I guess, in the containing environment, but the containing environment supports growth, but a little bit of challenging in that environment does as well. It’s like the fertil fertilizer, I guess.

Nicola: 56:02

Definitely. I mean, I would say, you know, having spoken about Andrew and you know said very nice things I would say the other feeling that I had a lot of the time was this deep sense of discomfort at what he was trying to get me to kind of see, yeah, and it’s one of the things I value most lovely.Colby: 56:23

So in my therapeutic work I try not to ask a lot of questions, but particularly at the very beginning of my work where I may ask a few more questions, or if there is a an event, something that’s happened that I do need to ask a few questions about, I tend to be more reflective and just make observations of what I’m seeing, the child experiencing. But when I do ask what feels like a lot of questions to me, and perhaps to them as well, I always say well, I’ve asked you a lot of questions. Do you want to ask me a question? What question? They always ask me how old I am. They often ask me how old I am.

Colby: 57:12

I was giving my age in months until someone worked it out. Now I do it in dog and cat years, which leads to quite a bit of laughter and working out of their age. But this is particularly so. This is with adults as well. When I’m asking them a lot of questions, I ask them if they’ve got any questions for me. So, have you got any questions for me? Or, time being, as it is perhaps something that you’d like to ask me before we finish off.

Nicola: 57:48

Yeah, well, I thought about this. I mean, I have a good few questions to ask you, so maybe we could reverse sometime and I could be interviewing you. Yeah, I think I would like to know what are your influences, your major influences, but I’d also really like to know so I don’t know if you can answer them both, but I’d also really like to know you know you’ve been in this field for a long time what would you say sustains you?

Colby: 58:21

what would you say sustains you? Yeah, that’s a very. I think the relief of suffering is the sustaining motivation. What sustains me in my capacity to continue with the work is my family, my wife and my children, which is not to say that I find the work easy. I don’t, and in many respects, the longer you work in the field or in certain respects, the harder it becomes, the more you know what you don’t know. So I meet regularly with Patrick Tomlinson I don’t know if you know him, you probably do. He’s very active on LinkedIn, which is where I made the connection with you and I also, I think, this podcast, this podcast has really become my way of meeting and experiencing connection with people who have similarly worked in the space for a long time and feeling shared experience, acknowledging the shared experiences that we had.

Colby: 59:56

So I think one of the things that I say to my client group is that not all problems can be fixed, but if they can’t be fixed, it is really important that they’re understood and that you feel understood in relation to it. So I think, again, it’s the personal and professional relationships that I have that sustain me and as I’ve been 30 years working in this space 35 if you include the research that I was doing before that. Yeah, more than ever, I’ve felt the need for connection with like-minded and like-experienced individuals. In terms of my major influences, probably the major influence would be Bulby and his work and related people, and something that you’ve touched on, which is my experience of the work, has been my greatest influence. As I said, it was very early in my career in answering a particular question that I was very conscious and very conscious thereafter of paying close attention to the person in front of me and also my reaction to that person. So I agree, I think experience is our greatest teacher and greatest influence.

Colby: 1:01:43

Thank you, thanks for that it was a long one.

Nicola: 1:01:51

No, I really like what you said about you know, we may not be able to solve this problem, but if we can understand it, if that person can feel understood, it’s so helpful, know?

Colby: 1:02:02

yeah, I love the way you phrase that, so thanks, yeah it’s one I trot out to children who don’t want to go to school most regularly.

Colby: 1:02:14

Yeah, we understand that you don’t like school, but you have to go to school Not said as bluntly as that. But yeah, that is an example of something that just comes up all the time with children is that, yeah, they often don’t want to go to school, but there is a legal requirement in Australia, and I guess in other parts of the world as well, that their parents are required to make them go to school. So, anyway, look, thank you very much, nicola, for agreeing to come on. I’m hoping that that was as positive and enjoyable an experience as it was for me speaking to you, and I’m really pleased to have made the connection in person, after messages backwards and forwards and comments on LinkedIn posts and the like. So, yeah, thank you again and yes, if you ever want to do a reciprocal interview, I’d be happy to do it, but I’m a very wordy person, so you might need to leave a little bit longer.

Nicola: 1:03:29

Thank you so much for having me and thank you for your interest and your attention to my work. That’s just such a gift. So thanks, thanks.

Reunifying 1,200 Children: The Connecting Families Story with Sally Rhodes

Family Preservation Through Trauma Informed Practice

Family reunification is one of the most challenging yet rewarding areas of child protection work. In this powerful conversation between Colby Pearce and Sally Rhodes, we gain insight into how one practitioner’s passion for keeping families together has led to the successful reunification of over 1,200 children with their families over two decades.

Sally Rhodes’ journey into family preservation work began in her childhood, influenced by her father’s stance against injustice and her early exposure to children living in institutional care. This formative experience sparked a lifelong commitment to questioning why children were separated from their families and exploring better alternatives. Her professional path took her from residential care in 1985 to intensive family preservation services, eventually leading to the establishment of Connecting Families in 2004 – now South Australia’s largest reunification service.

What makes Connecting Families so successful? Sally emphasises the importance of a team aligned in values, approach and commitment to social justice. Unlike competitive tendering processes that disrupt continuity of care, Connecting Families has built a stable team of practitioners who have worked together for decades, creating a collective wisdom that grows over time. This consistency allows them to develop deep expertise and speak with an authoritative voice when advocating for families within the child protection system.

One of the most fascinating aspects of the conversation centres on how practitioners approach cases involving denied child abuse, particularly unexplained injuries to infants. Traditional child protection approaches often demand admissions as prerequisites for reunification, creating a significant barrier when shame, fear of criminal charges, and potential social ostracism make such admissions extremely difficult. Through her Churchill Fellowship, Sally studied the Resolutions Approach developed in the UK, which offers an alternative pathway focused on building safety without necessarily requiring full admissions.

The parallel between team dynamics and therapeutic relationships with families emerges as a powerful theme. Just as practitioners create psychological safety for vulnerable families to engage meaningfully in change processes, teams need to establish the same conditions for themselves to navigate the challenging terrain of child protection work. This secure base allows practitioners to be vulnerable, make mistakes, challenge each other’s thinking, and ultimately provide better support to families.

Perhaps the most profound insight from Sally’s decades of experience is the long-lasting impact of child protection decisions. “Think very, very carefully about what you write, what you decide, because it has consequences,” she advises, acknowledging that with greater knowledge and experience, she would now make different decisions in some past cases. This humility and willingness to evolve one’s thinking over time reflects the continuous learning journey that characterises effective practice in this complex field.

For those working in child protection, family preservation, or any helping profession, this conversation offers valuable reflections on creating practice environments that balance rigour with compassion, accountability with understanding, and ultimately prioritise keeping families safely together whenever possible.

Listen here:

Watch here:

About Sally

Sally has a Master of Social Work, and a Graduate Diploma in Family Therapy.

Sally, commenced working in residential care in 1985, then followed her passion for strengthening families through working intensively in family preservation services.

In 2004 Sally established Connecting Families, a therapeutic Reunification and Family Preservation service, which has grown to 17 practitioners.

Sally is trained in Narrative Therapy, Marte Meo, Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy, the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics, and Signs of Safety.

Sally was awarded a Churchill Fellowship to work in the UK with the Resolutions Approach – Working with Denied Child Abuse.

Connecting Families is now the largest Reunification Service is South Australia and, together the team has safely reunified over 1200 children, and prevented the removal of many more.

In Connecting Families, Sally has selected practitioners who share her commitment to social justice and human rights, and ethically driven practice.

Sally provides training and consultation to Government and Non-Government organisations and remains a strong advocate for vulnerable families.

Sally has been integral in leading the development of a Partnering for Safety approach to child protection through training and consulting, and is passionate about family led decision making and bringing the child’s voice into child protection work.

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Lighthouse Foundation

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Transcript:

Sally: 0:01

I think I always knew this, but I know it far more powerfully now, is that the decisions that we make, the things that we write, the recommendations that we make about families have long-lasting impact. So, therefore, think very, very carefully about what you write, what you decide, because it has consequences, and I know that to be so true now that I probably didn’t know as strongly back then.

Colby: 0:40

Hi and welcome to the Secure Start podcast. Hi and welcome to the Secure Start podcast. I’m Colby Pearce, and joining me for this episode is a highly respected practitioner in my home jurisdiction. Before I introduce my guests, I’d like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land that we are meeting on the Kaurna people, and the continuing connection they and other Aboriginal people feel to land, waters, culture and community. I’d also like to pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging. So my guest for this episode is Sally Rhodes. Welcome Sally, thanks Colby. Welcome Sally, thanks Colby. So Sally is, as I said, a practitioner in my home jurisdiction here and we’re both used to paying our respects to the traditional custodians of the lands we meet on. So, for those who may be listening or watching overseas, this is a customary paying of respect to those traditional owners.

Colby: 1:56

Now Sally has a Master of Social Work and a Graduate Diploma in Family Therapy. Sally commenced working in residential care in 1985, then followed her passion for strengthening families through working intensively in family preservation services. In 2004, sally established Connecting Families, a therapeutic reunification and family preservation service, which has grown to 17 practitioners. Sally is trained in narrative therapy, matrimony, dyadic, developmental psychotherapy, the neuro-sequential model of therapeutics and signs of safety. Sally was awarded a Churchill Fellowship to work in the UK with the resolutions approach working with denied child abuse. Connecting Families is now the largest reunification service in South Australia and together the team has safely reunified over 1,200 children and prevented the removal of many more. In Connecting Families, sally has selected practitioners who share her commitment to social justice and human rights and ethically driven practice. Sally provides training and consultation to government and non-government organisations and remains a strong advocate for vulnerable families. Sally has been integral in leading the development of a partnering for safety approach to child protection through training and consulting, and is passionate about family-led decision-making and bringing the child’s voice into child protection work.

Colby: 3:38

Wow, there was a lot there, sally. Obviously I’m going to need the editor, all right. Obviously I’m going to be the editor, all right. So, sally, um, I guess, uh, I just really want, um, for our listeners to hear more about you, um, as a person and also as a professional. So my first question to you is how did you come to this field of endeavor?

Sally: 4:04

yeah, well, you know I I had cause to think about this last year when we were celebrating 20 years of connecting families, and I actually really stopped and thought about how did I get here, really? And, um, because nothing’s ever by accident, is it, you know? And so I started to think about my childhood and where I grew up and what my influences were. And you know, it occurred to me that my dad was a really big influence in my life in terms of thinking about injustice and standing up for the oppressed. He always stood up for me, you know, which was something that was. I was a bit of a naughty kid, so you know, I used to get in trouble at school a lot and he always wanted to know.

Sally: 4:55

You know my side of the story, which was refreshing and not normal back then, like you know, I’m talking the late 60s, early 70s, and also mum and dad volunteered at a children’s home. It was run by nuns and there were homes it was about four. My memory was that there were like four homes on this property and they had 10 kids each in them and mum and dad would go there on weekends, like rostered on, to support the nuns looking after the kids. So I would tag along. And it just struck me that this was a really unusual situation for children not to be living with their families, and I think that that was my first exposure to it and I was exposed to it for a long time, you know, over three or four years probably that mum and dad went there, that I would go with them, and I knew these kids too. I went to school with a lot of them, so that was that. And then I and I think that sparked something in me that I wanted to do. So I didn’t know what it was, and then I didn’t go straight into social work, but I knew that that’s what I wanted to do. But I went and did nursing first, which I hated, and I left very quickly. And then I went and studied and I found my way.

Sally: 6:24

So this was in northern New South Wales, so not the state that we, you know we currently are in now. This was in a little town called Grafton, but then I moved over here to South Australia in 1985 and I got a job with the Department for Community Welfare, as it was known then, in um, residential care and um. I was 22 and I just thought at that point. I was too young to do sort of generic social work. I, you know, and I wanted to work with young people. That felt the right thing to do. So I, I was there and I stayed in residential care for eight years and I think that experience really fuelled again.

Sally: 7:13

This sort of kids just need not be in these situations, you know. If they can’t, if they, you know, we really should be working to try to keep children at home. So a family preservation service in South Australia started in 1993. That was the first one called Keeping Families Together, and I won a position in that and I stayed in doing that from 1993 to 2004 in various different roles but all like all working intensively with families and either in family preservation or reunification. And then the agency that I worked for, anglicare, lost the tender to continue doing that work and I was approached to set up on my own well, set up to work with the families that had been in our service, because the agency who won them that contract to carry on the work, for whatever reason, didn’t set up and so, fortuitously, these sort of families fell into my lap and and that’s how it started in terms of connecting families, um, just yeah, and then, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. Really, it’s a long-winded answer to your question.

Colby: 8:42

Colby, no, not long-winded, but very interesting. It really goes to show, I guess, that when you, you know how influential our experience is growing up, our experiences in childhood, are in terms of the future course of our life. Yeah, in fact, research that I can remember hearing about a long time ago about who enters the helping profession who enters the helping profession, so to speak, tend to be people who have been in some sort of caring role as they’ve been growing up. Yeah, yeah, as they’ve been growing up.

Colby: 9:27

Yeah, yeah and yeah. I think that rings true not only for myself, but a lot of people I’ve spoken to about this and, interestingly, just to pick up another point that you made in there is that the impact that residential care had on you and on practice and a sneak peek into another podcast episode is that I’ll be speaking to someone who ran a residential care home in the UK for a very long time and then moved across to run the UK’s first therapeutic fostering service, so our listeners can listen out for that as well. So, just moving on, you’ve talked about your dad as being a significant personal influence on you growing up and you’ve probably also referred to your observations of the children and the environment that they were living on as major influences environment that they were living on as major influencers but who were your professional major professional influencers?

Sally: 10:51

would you say, yeah, look, many and varied really. But you know, and I guess I didn’t really, I suppose I did, but I can’t even remember who they might have been, you know, but you know, but certainly when I came to um, a therapist well, psychologist, called Alan Jenkins, um, his partner, maxine Joy, Rob Hall, a social worker, um, these were locally based, Adelaide, um, but I think world renowned really in their craft and their expertise, so, and Alan used to come to our team meetings when I worked in keeping families together and consult with us and I just used to sit there in awe, really, so he was a really big influence to me. And of course, you know Michael White and the whole narrative therapy, dulwich Centre, in terms of, you know, I, and to think more deeply about that, I suppose you know, and so they were a big event. And then, over the years, people like Dan Hughes, bruce Perry, you know yourself, colby, in terms of your writings around attachment and the science of safety, people Like you know, all of that has influenced me and I’ve been.

Sally: 12:58

You know that all of those people that I’ve named, their work and their way of thinking just resonated with my way of thinking and it helped me, you know, move forward in being able to help families, have that breadth of sort of knowledge and expertise, I suppose, to be able to think come to, you know, talk with people with a whole lot of different things in your head and frameworks to operate from.

Colby: 13:27

Yeah, so quite a diverse group there. Yeah, I think you know, thinking about my own professional journey and the work of Michael White and others and Alan and the Dulwich Centre, who I was probably exposed to at a similar time to you when I was a developing practitioner, I think a lot of what I heard from them resonates more and more with me as I move on with my life and career. Certainly the stories that we tell about ourselves I think are are very powerful in the way in which we approach life and relationships.

Sally: 14:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that’s true actually, in terms of for me. You know, probably at the time I didn’t realise how influential they were and that they were and how privileged I was to have them so accessible. You know they’re in my hometown. You know I’ve got video of Michael White interviewing me.

Colby: 14:50

You know it’s precious now to look back on that and yeah, and maybe we need to be, you know, maybe we need to have practised, I guess, for a period of time to be able to join the dots up. I guess, for a period of time to be able to join the dots up, I guess, in a sense, around those early influences and the impact that they’ve had on us and our professional journey and the way in which we approach our professional and personal life. Yeah, it’s very interesting. Our professional and personal life. Yeah, it’s very interesting. I’m also aware, and I mentioned to you, mentioned in the intro that you did do a Churchill Fellowship in the UK and I know a little bit about what a Churchill Fellowship is. But I wonder if you would mind just describing it, what a Churchill fellowship is and what it was like completing it, who you did it with or who you, yeah, work with and how it’s influenced your practice going from there yeah.

Sally: 16:03

So the Churchill Fellowship was actually set up by Winston Churchill really for um, you know, australians to have the experience, to be able to go abroad, um, you know, to um to expand their skills and knowledge in a specific area that they weren’t able to get in in Australia. You know, like, so this was the original sort of thinking around it and that you could then bring back that skill and knowledge to better the community. So that was sort of the broad and I think that still holds true. However, you know, with the modern technology these days you really don’t have to travel. You know you can do it, but you know they’re still offered.

Sally: 16:51

So I, when actually talking about influences, there’s some other people who were very influential in my life before I did the Churchill, and they were the John Gumbelton, colin Luger, susie Essex John Gumbelton, colin Luger, susie Essex three UK social workers, therapists, who worked for the NSPCC Is that right? Yeah, and they started writing about the resolutions approach, which is a way of working with families where there’s denial around and particularly around injury, unexplained injury to infants. So those very, you know, polarising as well as perplexing cases where you’ve got a baby that’s got injury and parents who basically say they don’t know how it happened, and in a medical profession saying, well, this is how we think it happened. And and so you know they become very stuck cases that you know and and I was coming across them in my, in my work of um you know families with with seemingly no other kind of factors that would have caused concern to anybody but a baby that had these unexplained injuries, and so you ended up with a situation that either the children just didn’t go home because of this stuckness around the acknowledgement or they did go home because people just gave up and put them home and so no work was ever done and I didn’t think either of those scenarios were good, basically.

Sally: 18:31

So I started looking for um you know any any ways of working around this really and um, it came across these guys, um and made contact with them in the uk, um by email and phone, and um started having some consultation with colin luger, one of them um, and then the idea of applying for churchill came up. So I did and it’s quite a daunting process really. You know it’s um. They give away about a hundred nationally a year, but in south austral I think the year I went there were nine given away and you have to, you know, put in an application. It has to be very succinct, to you know, to basically explain to a group of people not from this profession. You know a wide range of people making decisions about who gets them and then go to it, get to an interview process, which is, you know, 20 people. There was sitting around a big boardroom table and coming in and actually doing a presentation and then getting questions. Anyway, I was lucky enough to get one. I think it was so interesting.

Colby: 19:44

You know, I think it is interesting, you know.

Sally: 19:46

I think it really piqued the interest of the people who were making that selection. So I went to the UK. I went to Bristol, which is where Colin and John live. Colin has sadly passed away. He passed away in 2015. But you know, obviously when I went he was still alive. But you know, obviously when I went he was still alive and I spent six weeks there in the UK with them doing, you know, travelling all around England because even though they were based in the UK, their referrals came from all different parts of the UK so we would travel to meet with family.

Sally: 20:25

So I watched them, I talked to them, I talked to families about their experiences, I interviewed judges, um, children’s solicitor, uh. I met with some other academics I met with. I met peter dale, who’s another influencer, mel, is people remember now peter dale? Um, he wrote a book called fine. Who’s another influencer? I mean, people don’t remember now Peter Dale? He wrote a book called Fine Judgments. He’s another UK social worker, psychiatric social worker, and yeah. And then I came back, I had to write a report about that for the trust and I went and met with the youth court here in South Australia to talk about it because really if I could get the court understanding it, that was going to help. You know, I did presentations to the department about it and I think it has it influenced me. You know, in a sense around that there were people on the other side of the world thinking exactly the same way that I do.

Sally: 21:36

You know, I think there was something really heartening and a sense of security about that you know, that these issues were were happening everywhere and that, um, that there were people who were turning their mind to. How can we actually help these families stay together, but in a safe in? In a safe way, um, and you know they are the trickiest cases because people do take such a stand about we need to know. We need to know what happened. If we don’t know what happened, how can we ever make this safe? So there’s a I’ve done a lot of talking with people over the years around trying to get them to think about that in a different way and why people wouldn’t talk about it. You know the sense of shame, all of the disincentives to to talk about how an infant got injured. You know the criminal charges, loss of friends, family, whole range of things. You know.

Sally: 22:48

So, yeah, and as far as I know, we are probably the only service that provides resolutions way of working, certainly in South Australia, if not across Australia. I haven’t come across anybody else. So it’s a niche and I think that nicheness you know that, you know helped in terms of gaining reputation across the sector around. You know, here’s some people who will actually work with these kind of families, but rigorously, it’s not fluffy work in any sense. Yeah, and so Colin and John continued to be Colin, particularly up until his untimely passing like he was very unexpected and in terms of him getting sick, that was. But he, I continued to consult with him up until then, and then John for a little while after that as well, and I’m still in touch with John. He’s retired, yeah, yeah, they were great, great influences really.

Colby: 24:09

Yeah, they are difficult cases.

Sally: 24:11

Yeah.

Colby: 24:12

From my own work. While you’re talking, I’m immediately thinking of a couple of cases, one in particular that I became involved in or was asked to become involved in very early in my career and, similarly to you, I was aware that local child protection authorities, the emphasis that they placed on admissions and admissions as being a precursor to looking at the possibility of reunification or reunifying, and I remember even then being very much aware of or thinking a lot about all the impediments to making those admissions and whether, as you say, whether there is actually another way that can ensure safety but doesn’t rely on an admission.

Sally: 25:27

Yeah.

Colby: 25:29

And I think there are ways to go about doing that, and you referenced one of those models or approaches.

Sally: 25:41

Yeah, I think it’s very much a way. I mean they are approaches, but it’s very much a way of thinking rather than a way of doing. In a way, you know there are certain things, steps through the process, but it is. You can’t actually do the work if you don’t sort of think about this in. You know it’s about being able to hold a degree of uncertainty and not knowing.

Sally: 26:05

But, also, you know suspending doubt, like all of these sort of principles of the model really around. You know thinking about denial, like when I’ve done some training on this. You know I remember talking to a bunch of supervisors when I first came back and I said to them I want you to turn to the person next to you and tell them the thing that you are most ashamed of in your life. They all just stood there and stared at me. You know, like I was mad. But you know the point I was trying to make was that’s what you’re asking families to do.

Sally: 26:42

You’re asking them if we take on that belief that, yes, they’ve they’ve unintentionally caused some injury to their child that they then have become aware of. And then you’re asked and they’re so deeply ashamed of that. You know that you’re asking them to tell you a pillar of power in their life what you did. And I just think it’s unless you get alongside of people and approach them with empathy and compassion, in a non-judgmental stance, that’s going to shrink shame and you may get some partial acknowledgement. You certainly get people motivated to make sure that what happened will never happen again, and that’s all we want to do is just to make sure future harm doesn’t occur.

Colby: 27:40

Yeah, I think the shame element is a powerful impediment and the regulation of that shame is a powerful way forward.Sally: 27:50

Yeah.

Colby: 27:51

And I remember something that well. You said something a little bit earlier where you were saying that not only the making of the admission means that not only do child protection authorities know about what happened, but it comes out one way or another that family and friends may also find out more about that. And I’ve done a similar activity when I’ve done training in the youth justice area and I had practitioners come one by one in and disclose similarly to me an act that they were it’s going back a few years ago now, but it was an act that they were ashamed of doing and it may well have also had an offending element to it, and they had to disclose it to me one by one and they had a choice about whether they come in and do that or not. Everyone did it, but everyone seemed to be quite uncomfortable about it. I will note that I was never asked back in service.

Colby: 29:04

I had met one of the person in subsequent training that I also delivered in the youth court, but I was never asked back. And I think it’s when we expect families to make admissions and the whole movement forward depends upon it. They’re not just making admissions to child protection authorities, they’re making admissions, potentially, to their family and friends as well, as you say. So that little activity that you did and that I did and that I did, as uncomfortable as it was, probably still doesn’t really get at what it’s like to make admissions in child protection processes. Because, to make it similar, we would broadcast what was disclosed to the group at least, and to family and friends.

Colby: 30:10

And so, yeah, there are very powerful disincentives to make admissions. And, yeah, I always thought that. I always think that nobody does anything for no reason, and I’ve always applied that in my practice with children, or for as long as I can remember, and I think that in trauma-informed practice it’s all about responding to the reason, and I think, similarly, it is possible to navigate a way forward by responding therapeutically to the reasons for a child to be hurt, without necessarily hanging it all on an ambition.

Sally: 31:04

Yeah, hanging it all on an ambition, yeah, and also, you know, there’s this big focus on acknowledgement and admission or whatever. And you know, and I guess my way of thinking after years and years of working with families in this area, is that acknowledgement of its own doesn’t necessarily bring about safety. You know, people can acknowledge that they’ve done something or they’ve behaved in a particular way.

Colby: 31:31

It doesn’t mean they’re not going to do it again.

Sally: 31:33

So you know it’s not enough, and I think that’s what certainly the you know the science of safety model, you know the principles and practices of that model, and that approach got me really thinking about that as well that you have to be actively demonstrating a change or doing something differently over a period of time. It’s not enough to say oh yeah, you know, yeah, you know.

Colby: 32:02

There seems to be a belief that an omission is an acknowledgement of a preparedness to change. Yeah, and it may be the case in some instances, but my thinking about it is that the admission is probably not the main incentive to change. Rather, it’s the therapeutic relationship that we develop with the parent-client and our endeavours to regulate shame and regulate them being closed off and rather to opening them to meaningful conversations and what follows from that as being probably the what we should be putting most emphasis on as a starting point.

Sally: 33:16

Yeah.

Colby: 33:17

Parents engaging with the process rather than parents making an acknowledgement. Yeah, yeah.

Sally: 33:26

Yes, certainly, seeing, you know, and because I think that, um, the focus on you know you must acknowledge, and this is not necessarily even in denied childhood, just in anything really you must acknowledge, you know this, or you must acknowledge the harm that you’ve caused your child, or you must you know the the way that that the statutory organisations come to try to get people to do that is just not therapeutic in any way.

Sally: 33:51

It’s very shaming and, you know, potentially quite frightening really for people because they don’t know the consequences of if they do acknowledge you know. So, yeah, I agree, and I think it’s, you know, when you know, thinking about this work, I mean I don’t think I would have known this 30 years ago. You know this has been a process for me also around, just, you know, I remember way back there was a book written by Maluccio and Pine which is around reunification and because people just talk about the stages, you know the steps and the thing, and it’s not like that. You know it’s because of this what we’re just talking about now. You know it’s really around understanding the complexities of people’s lives and experiences and building relationships so that they can navigate their way through that, to come out of that you know in a way that they can demonstrate to people that I A want to be a safe parent and I can be.

Colby: 35:08

I A want to be a safe parent and I can be. Yeah, shame is such a destructive or can be such a destructive emotion, and a process that deepens shame works against a goal of a safe reunification between the child and their parents. Yeah, yeah, I feel like we could talk about it for a long time. There’s some other things I wanted to ask you, though. I wanted you to just you’ve given a little bit of an intro to how Connecting Families came about, but perhaps you can tell me a little bit more, or tell us, the audience as well, a little bit more about the work of connecting families, and you mentioned 1,200 safe reunifications since 2004. What do you think? What are the ingredients for both the success of connecting families and reunification work more generally?

Sally: 36:12

Yeah, I mean that’s interesting, isn’t it too? Because, you know, connecting families in 2004 was me, so, and then by 2006 there were three of us. But the three of us were so Deb Pickering and Sarah Gray, whom I worked with in Anglicare in reunification and family press services. So they were. We’d already had existing relationships and they had the same values and attitudes and beliefs that I do. And because I was just getting inundated with referrals, I just couldn’t and you know what it’s like in private practice, you just never say no to anything so I needed to bring people on to help with that, and so that’s kind of what happened. Over a period of time, more and more people came on board that I had selected based on my previous working relationships with them, knowing what their attitudes and values were to sort of over the time.

Sally: 37:17

So, mac Davis another person from you know when I was in Anglicare, tracy Laddams, who I worked with in residential care. So Tracy and I have been now have a 40-year-long working relationship. Wow, it’s amazing to think about, really. Tracy was in keeping families together as well and then connecting families. And Mac, you know, 30 years, deb, 30 years We’ve been working together for a really long time. The core group of connecting families that has now expanded, expanded 17 in that bio since then with one. One person has left, so it’s 16, um, and they are people that I have come across in my career, um, where, where we have, we’ve gelled and I’ve known that they approach the work the same way that I do Others.

Sally: 38:15

Yeah, so you know, we’ve got a large team now with three men and we did have three Aboriginal practitioners.

Sally: 38:23

We now only have two and I think the reason why we’ve been so successful in the work is because we are a collective voice. You know, when I stop to think about it there’s you know it’s hard work. You know this, colby, you know it’s really hard work and often we are butting heads with the statutory agency, we are butting heads with the court, we’re butting heads with everybody because we might approach it differently and have a different view. And I think, with us being having so many people in the team and we all approach the work in the same way and think about families and that children ought to be with their families, if that’s at all possible and if not, with very close, enduring connection to family, that having many of us speaking that I don’t know what it is, but it just brings about a sense of safety in the team to be able to do that and a sense that you know we’ve got each other’s backs we can support each other and to continue to do the work.

Sally: 39:47

Support each other and to continue to do the work.

Sally: 39:49

So I think you know I despair at competitive I don’t know what happens in other parts of the world, but competitive tendering processes where agencies win a tender to provide a service for three years and then they put it out again and then someone else might win it.

Sally: 40:05

So no one develops long-term practice, wisdom, you know long term, and that you have people that are really passionate about this work. It’s not just a job, it’s not, it’s actually a career, it’s a. So I think that’s what I’ve been able to gather together and when I think about 21 years now, almost, that we’ve been going as connecting families you know that’s a long time for one service and I don’t see it ending anytime soon and so that collective wisdom just grows and grows and grows. And I think that’s why we are successful, because A the values and the attitudes and the beliefs, but also the skill set that people develop over time and then can pass on to each other is immeasurable. I don’t know how you measure that, I don’t know how you replicate it, and you know I feel really lucky to have this group of people around me.

Colby: 41:11

So I think, that?

Sally: 41:11

yeah, that’s why.

Colby: 41:13

I think, yeah, yeah, thank you for that. I think what you’re what I’m hearing you say is the importance of a team that is aligned in their approach to practice and speaks with a consistent voice, and I think there is something very psychologically safe about teams where people are all on the same page and aligned in their practice. People are all on the same page and aligned in their practice. I think, you know, in some respects we celebrate diversity, but also I think we need to acknowledge that teams work well in this kind of way of being aligned and supportive of each other and speaking with a collective voice. I think the collective voice provides is authoritative in the work that we do, and I think you mentioned I go back to one of your responses about the Churchill Fellowship we think about.

Colby: 42:36

We’ve talked a little bit about in our backwards and forwards conversation here, about things that are really powerful in, you know, factors in human behavior and and um, the way in which people approach life and relationships. We thought a bit about the role and importance of shame, um, but also validation. You know, the, the, the experience that, um, that we’re not just the only one thinking and working in this way, that our thoughts and beliefs and approach are valid, are acceptable, are worthy. These are very powerful conditions, I think, in which to, in our shared areas of endeavour, approach the work with as much psychological safety as we can muster to protect ourselves, because it is a difficult area of endeavour and when you’re working over a long period of time, I don’t think you can do it. I don’t think you can do it without depleting yourself drastically if you don’t have a team and peers who, as you say, have got your back but who also believe in what you believe in.

Sally: 44:12

Yeah, yeah, and I think also it can challenge you, you know, because you know I often think about, you know, the work of Eileen Munro and you know her talking about, you know the sort of I can’t remember the actual quote, but the most protective thing is to admit that you might have got it wrong. And I think, and I in child protection work, you know, and I think that having a team around where we can talk about, you know, you can get different perspectives on things. You can be going. You know, am I missing something here? You know, I think that having a collective voice is not just about being, you know, gee, we’re all right, and that’s not what I mean, and it’s really more around saying we want to come at things with rigour. You know, we want to make sure we’re doing things properly and right and thoroughly, and I think when you’re on your own you can lose that objectivity. You know you, basically it’s good to, it’s healthy to have people around to sort of go. Yeah, I’m not quite sure about that.

Colby: 45:31

So we do a lot of co-working in this as well.

Sally: 45:33

A lot of the team, you know, will work with two practitioners. Sometimes we might have a family where they might end up with five of the team because someone’s doing Marta Mayo, someone’s doing Circular Security of the team, because someone’s doing mud and mayo, someone’s doing circular security, tracy might be doing, you know, a relapse prevention plan around substance misuse. So they’re seen by a lot of people in the team and we don’t always agree about where the families are on their and the progress that they’re making, and I think that’s really healthy.

Colby: 46:07

It is. I agree, and I guess most people who talk about teams, I would anticipate talk about the importance of having diversity of background and diversity of beliefs and opinions. And yet I would say that those things are fantastic where there is a secure base within the team. And the secure base is one that regulates shame or is non-shaming. The secure base is one where we feel of togetherness and connection and belonging. And in another podcast shout out to Lynn Pateman, her Success is Never Accidental podcast I talked about how teams are very functional. Teams are very much like an attachment relationship and I think, in order to explore other ideas, to take risks, to explore other ideas to take risks carefully managed risks, to make mistakes, own up to them, learn from them, move on from them you need the security that we’re talking about, the psychological safety that we’re talking about yeah, yeah safety that we’re talking about, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sally: 47:48

I think the um, the preparedness to be vulnerable and know that you can be vulnerable in that space and people will will just um, hold you really in that and and for me it’s very much a parallel process about what we’re trying to do with families is to is to support them to be vulnerable, um, but to feel that that there’s safety in doing that. So, and there’s.

Colby: 48:18

That’s very much aligned with what a, what a an attachment relationship is. Yeah, looks like what attack. What we’re talking about with attachment Attachment is about a relationship in which the person can be vulnerable or is vulnerable and can orient to someone who is able to support them, protect them, respond to their needs and create a situation and a circumstance where the person can grow.

Sally: 48:56

Yeah.

Colby: 49:01

So just moving on, because it’s been a long chat already, although I’m aware that there are podcasts out there that run to three hours.Sally: 49:10

Oh, my goodness yeah.

Colby: 49:13

But I wanted to ask you what advice you would give to your younger self starting out in your professional journey now and you’ve made some reference to it, but perhaps if you could just expand upon that- yeah, um, look, lots of things, probably, colby.

Sally: 49:35

Yeah, look, I feel like I have touched on something, you know, certainly I don’t think I ever thought that I knew everything back then anyway, but I but I would certainly be saying to myself, you know, you’re going to learn a lot along the way. Um, you know that this is, this is continuous learning and continuous growth, and in fact, you’re going to change your mind about things as well, and that’s okay, you know, because you know, some of our ideas are shaped and we haven’t really had enough time to actually think about. Really, really Do I really think that you know? So I think that, and I know we had talked about this once before, but I? I that there’s not a hierarchy of knowledge.

Sally: 50:23

I think, when I was a younger social worker, starting out and this is no offense to psychologists, you know, I think you know, but you know, there was, there was always this thing, and there still is, that psychologists trump social workers in terms of, or then you know, psychiatrists trump psychologists and doctors are somehow the medical profession, are revered and they can never get it wrong. I don’t hold that to be true anymore and that’s not to be disrespectful about any of those professions. I, you know, have respect for all of them, but I have respect for my own and I have respect for the knowledges and wisdom that comes with people who have practised things for a very long time. So I don’t feel so. I think what I would say to my younger self is don’t be intimidated by those other knowledges. They’re valid and they’re, but they’re not the only way of thinking about things, and your way is just as valid.

Colby: 51:35

You know I probably hold.

Sally: 51:37

You know, these days I hold great respect for people, you know, like yourself, like other practitioners, who have stuck it out and have an immense amount of knowledge and wisdom. And you know and I see people in the Department for Child Protection here that have been there for, you know, 30, 35 years and doing a hard job, and I respect them that they’ve stayed there and done that and they have a lot of knowledge. You know so that, and you know it’s okay to make a mistake.

Colby: 52:22

What I really liked. I liked all of that answer, but I think the acknowledgement that you will change your mind, and I think two things about long careers. One is that you’re never going to have the same view. I think or at least it’s healthy to not have the same view a year down the track, five years down the track, 10 years down the track than you have right now. Five years down the track, 10 years down the track than you have right now. You need to be open to that and prepared to accept that with experience and observation, you are going to change your thinking and opinions about things unless you have a very rigid adherence to what you and who would? Who would argue that, uh, it is healthy to maintain a rigid adherence to what you knew when you were fresh out of university or first in this, I don’t know that anyone would um would do that.

Sally: 53:32

Wouldn’t we call that?

Colby: 53:33

stuckness. Yes, you know similarly and I have changed my position on things across a long career, in particular, one area that has been particularly influential with me, for me, two areas actually. One is working very closely with families that are on the cusp of statutory intervention and the validity and importance of intervening in those circumstances where you know it’s 50-50 as to whether statutory authorities should and could get involved. The other area that has been very influential for me is working with care leavers and, in particular, seeing care leavers that I and, in particular, seeing care leavers that I knew as children taken into care. So both of those areas have been very influential in my position.

Sally: 54:46

Yeah.

‘Colby: 54:47

As I’m sure it is with others.

Sally: 54:49

Yeah, yeah, we’ve got a family at the moment in the service. That is for Mac, one of the workers in the team.

Colby: 54:58

fourth generation the oldest of the family. Yeah, yeah.

Sally: 55:05

So you know the dad was an injured infant actually back when, and so we worked with his parents. I was the manager of the team at that point. This is back in anglicare days and then mac had worked with the. This dad’s father was in residential care and then, so mac had met the great well I don’t know, we were just like, yeah, well we’ve been.

Sally: 55:36

We’ve been at this for too long, we’ve been getting to this, but, you know, it was really interesting because this dad, you know, when Mac realised that you know he was who he was, you know we talked about it and I said you have to tell him, you have to let him know that you knew him as a baby, and which he did, and um, and that worked. You know that that was fantastic because they, you know, um, they’ve formed a really close connection actually now and um, and this dad has successfully had his three children returned to his care and is doing really well, you know, and I think that longevity of you know of him, knowing that Mac knew his story, was very helpful, you know. So, whilst it was sad, it was also really it was fortuitous that Mac was the one that you know coincidentally picked it up.

Sally: 56:45

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I do think that those knowing what’s up, you know, I think that’s the other thing, colby, that I think I, I think I always knew this, but I know it far more powerfully now is that the decisions that we make, the the, the things that we write, the recommendation recommendations that we make about families, have long-lasting impact. So, therefore, think very, very carefully about what you write, what you decide, because it you know it has consequences, and I know that to be so true now that I probably didn’t know as strongly back then. Yeah, because you know, I even think back to families where we recommended that children go into long-term care. That would I do the same now? Probably not, you know, even though they weren’t fantastic home situations, they were better than what got provided in the long run. So I’d probably go back and undo some of the things that I If we could, if I could.

Sally: 58:07

Based on the knowledge that I had at that time, I was probably doing what I felt was the right thing.

Colby: 58:13

Yeah, yeah, similarly, sally. That’s, I think, a very powerful and great place to bring our conversation to a close. Thank you very much for agreeing to be on my podcast, and maybe in the future we might get you back to talk a little bit more about some of this and similar.

Sally: 58:40

No, that would be good. Thank you, colby, it was a good conversation.

Colby: 58:44

Yeah, awesome. Thanks, Sally.